| Co-dependency By: Chris Maher, Priestess of Avalon I would like to devote a small article on what I observed in allot of women. Please this is my own observance and does not mean than I am trying to make anyone feel less than who they believe them selves to be. It is meant to make us stop and think and re-evaluate the way we think on a women spirituality level. I really felt compelled to write about it because it coincides with womens spirituality and discovering who you truly are and can become. Not trying to be too feminist, but I realized there are allot of women that speak as being independent but are still very codependent. Allot of you now are probably saying @##??///****? and some are saying what does she mean? I am independent. Let me explain, being independent has nothing to do with codependency, or being able to do things on your own. Below is the definition I'm getting at. Codependency is about having a dysfunctional relationship with self! With our own bodies, minds, emotions, and spirits. With our own gender and sexuality. With being human. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally, we have dysfunctional relationships externally. Codependency is an emotional and behavioral defense system which our egos adapted in early childhood to help us survive. We were raised in shame based, emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environments by parents who were wounded in their childhoods by patriarchal, shame based civilization that treated children and women as property." "The point that I am making is that our understanding codependency has evolved to realizing that this is not just about some dysfunctional families, our very role models, our prototypes, are dysfunctional. Our traditional cultural concepts of what a man is, of what a woman is, are twisted, distorted, almost comically bloated stereotypes of what masculine and feminine really are." "We are not sinful, shameful human creatures who have to somehow earn Spirituality. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience." "In order to start be-being in the moment in a healthy, age-appropriate way it is necessary to heal our "inner child." The inner child we need to heal is actually our "inner children" who have been running our lives because we have been unconsciously reacting to life out of the emotional wounds and attitudes, the old tapes, of our childhoods." (Quotations is from the new book : The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney This book was just release April 5, 2005 which from what I have read on the website has set the wheels in motion on my direction of journaling and shadow work. This very subject brings up many things we as women have to deal with, not to mention how men also see themselves. Men do also become codependent on us for the things they are afraid of or to admit that they lack in themselves. We are just now coming into a "New Age" the knowledge about self-healing. Its a slow process because who we view our roles as men and women has been broken down for centuries. It is just now, in this age that information is becoming available to us from sources "not of" the patriarchal church doctrine, or the horrible stories in the news that make us stressed to the point we don't feel safe in our own homes. The emotions we have of not feeling loved by our own parents so we don't feel worthy of love from others. This can make us have difficulty believing that anyone can truly love us, and causes us constantly question that love. We have been brow beaten into shame of who we truly are inside. We have never been taught to truly love ourselves. To love ones self is often seen as vanity. (A sin) So in turn we have a hard time excepting that we are perfect just the way we are, and to perpetuate that love to others in a "healthy way". Some of us, I'm referring to women go so far as believing we can not do anything without male approval and this runs over into our own masculine dependency in our spirituality. That it will make our lives and our spirituality unbalanced. This has been as of late an argument among many women. Can we be balanced without the masculine spiritually. The answer ladies is "yes we can"! That is the whole point of women spirituality, of Goddess spirituality. It is not to change your path but to deeply and truly understand the Divine Feminine allows us to love ourselves, to be the divine feminine from which we came. In doing this we learn the real and solid difference between (WANT AND NEED) I "WANT" the masculine but I don't "NEED" the masculine to be whole. I don't NEED to be in a relationship to be a complete but I "CHOOSE" to be in a relationship. We are whole with or without it. We don't need a mans approval to know that we are beautiful, we don't have to be supermodels to be beautiful. We do come in all shapes, sizes, colors and intellect. We are a creation of the divine, Her perfect beings. Empowering yourself, embrace the process of becoming grounded in your emotional energy, release grief by journaling, make a ritual of it, burning those griefs, letting them go! Discover your internal boundaries so that you can relax and enjoy life in the moment and deeply heal. Embrace a personal belief that you are a perfect being now. Not in an after life. I don't know who wrote this but I have modified it a little to use here. "Create a Human experience that will unfold from a cosmic perspective with no accidents, coincidences, or mistakes, spirituality is ones relationship with "life", and anyone regardless of there beliefs can apply this approach to help them transform their human experience of life into a an easier more loving and enjoyable journey" So I leave you with this, find ways to love yourself. Tell yourself something nice and mean it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself every day "I love me" I have great hair or I love my eyes or my smile. Start small and work your way up. and keep a journal. It is never too late to start healing. It is never too late to be whole, it is never too late to find the Goddess within. Educate yourself on the psychology of human behavior. Find out what IS and what it IS NOT healthy behavior. Learn ways to recognize those bad habits you slide back into. Journaling helps you to recognize them and allows you to create healthier ways to live. Knowledge is power. Rejoice in your Feminine!! |