 (written in 1996) (I did, however, exhibit symptoms in my early teens. Both my doctor and I discussed that it is possible that i have had this awful disease for the last twenty years!) I had flu-like symtpoms which would come and go. The number of symptoms and their intensity increased over the years, especially after each pregnancy. I was able to "fight" the symptoms and work full time as a legal secretary and still care for my one son at the time. Eventually, there did come a point in time where I was forced to end my employment due to the extreme fatigue, nausea, brain fog, and lack of concentration. My family physician told me I was depressed and prescribed anti-depressants. Although my symptoms continued to worsen, I believed my physician and concluded it was due to stress. After my second son was born, the disease brought my life to a complete hault. Within days after his birth, my symptoms increased in severity as well as developing more puzzling symptoms. Some of these symptoms included debilitating fatigue, joint pain, blurred vision, muscle pain, extreme weakness and heaviness of the arms and legs, severe nausea, dizziness and light-headedness, a feeling of being off balance, lack of concentration, confusion, chest pain, word reversal, "inside" jitters or an internal energy that made me feel I was crawling out of my skin, low grade fever, heart palpitations, fits of crying, extreme irritability, and shortness of breath. By the time my son was three months old, I was completely bedridden. I had to rely on a full-time babysitter to come to the home and provide care for my two young children. I was bedridden for approximately two years and was unable to care for my youngest son for the first two years of his life. There were days when I would be so dizzy that I would be crawling on the floor. I would be so weak and fatigued that I would be holding onto the wall to move from one point to the other - Needless to say, the mere task of getting out of bed each day was almost impossible. I was so ill that I actually felt that I was dieng and at one point, actually wanted to. My father would actually have to drive me two blocks to the babysitters. There were also days where I would get lost driving only blocks away from my home (which I still experience to this day) My family physician claimed I was suffering from post-partum depression and again, prescribed anti-depressants. This is the same physician who informed me that Lyme Disease did not exist in Oakland County, Michigan. Another told me that she did not know how "Dr. so-and-so" found his LD patients. Even after my diagnosis of LD, my primary physician noted in my medical records that I was focusing too much on my physical symptoms and seeking too many doctors. He also wrote "I personally believe that this (major depression) is the patient's major problem - she refuses to acept it". As I sought out other physicians in my search for answers, they too labeled me as "depressed". A rheumatologist, however, did inform me that I had a slightly elevated ANA, which is indicative of SLE(Lupus). I was unaware of the fact that this is also common in people with LD. I was told by several doctors that even if I did indeed have Lupus, I should not be this ill and most of my problems were "in my head". My family commited me to a psychiatric ward mainly because they just didn't know what to do with me. I have heard comments such as "1)you don't give a "darn" about your kids 2)most husbands would have left by now, 3)you just want attention, 4)you are like the boy who cried wolf, 5)nobody wants to hear it, 6)so-and-so has cancer/ms/lupus and they are doing just fine, 7)well, i have a bad back and get tired, but I still get on with my life, 8)you are sucking up your husband's health insurance, don't you care!? 9)I know someone who has Lyme Disease but they can work! It was everyone's opinion that I had severe mental problems. During my stay at the hospital, I had to defend myself to these physicians repeatedly and informed them that there was something terribly wrong with my body, and not my head. I recall being barely able to hold my head up during the group therapy sessions. If a worker asked how I was doing and I replied with something to the effect that I was not feeling well, their reply would be "Oh, stop focusing so heavily on your phsycial symptoms". I learned very quickly that my "ticket" out of the hopsital would be a fake smile on my face and the claim that the prozac was doing wonders. My family and the medical community continued to doubt my sanity thus far and I was literally on my own in Lyme Hell as I continued to search for a diagnosis. One morning I was pleading with my husband to find help for my children and myself. I not only feared for myself being this ill, but for my children as well, should anything happen to me in their presence. My husband had allready accepted the physician's diagnosis of "depression" and replied to my plea with "You just want attention." It was at that moment that I "broke down" and started throwing things throughout the house, thinking, "yes! I want attention! Someone please help me!" Needless to say, I made a return trip to the psychiatric ward. I thank God every day that I was admitted to a different hospital the second time. It was during my stay there that I was introduced to an infectious disease doctor. He ran numerous tests including some for Lyme Disease. Several of the bands came back positive! My physician started intraveneous antibiotics immediately, which he continued for six months. I will be eternally greatful for this doctor diagnosing me. I was thrilled that I now had a name for this invisible disease. Lyme Disease. After
one year of treatment with this infectious disease
doctor, I switched to another LLMD whom I believe to a
very courageous (as are all lyme docs who take risks
every day treating lyme patients), and compassionate
physician. I have remained on oral antibiotics
continously for the last two years. Although I have made
much progress, the road to recovery is a very long and
difficult one. One learns the true meaning of the word
"PATIENCE!" I continue to struggle with the
symptoms of LD on a daily basis, and face an uncertain
future. It only took me at least seven years of learning
how to live/function while feeling ill, one year of being
completely bedridden (two years total), two visits to a
psychiatric ward, 13 physicians, severed relationships
with family and friends, witnessing my husband and
children suffer the loss of a wife and a mother, the loss
of my own self-worth and doubting my own sanity to find
my diagnosis.........Lyme Disease.
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