Part 4
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| End and Begin Again | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| by Lady Janus | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Disclaimer: See Part 1. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| End and Begin Again | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Part 3: Journey to Ran'Torak | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Rating: NC-17 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The bridge shook around Kathryn, but with the shields holding at 85%, there wasn't any need to even consider deploying the new armour. The only problem was that when Chakotay had ordered phasers used, the weapons' couplings had failed after only a few shots. Chakotay had gone down to Weapons Control to check with Rollins on the problem. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| On top of that, Engineering had been conducting warp core maintenance that kept them from going above warp six. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I hate being hen-pecked," Kathryn muttered irritably. The Dregardrak were being a nuisance and if they hit anything by accident, it would be a miracle. But miracles happened and she wanted to get as much distance between Voyager and this region of space as soon as possible. They weren't in any immediate danger and she'd held off using the ship's limited supply of torpedoes, but at the moment, she wanted nothing more than to ram a couple volleys down their throats. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She rose from her seat and faced Ayala. "Lieutenant?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Sorry Captain," he replied. "It's going to take weapons teams at least an hour to get the couplings replaced and calibrated. It appears that the last alignment calibration was left half-done and caused a cascade failure in the couplings." His eyes were puzzled as he continued. "But for some reason, we show a diagnostic was completed on work that was never done." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn's heart sank and she had to fight to keep the dismay from her expression. Another of Tuvok's lapses in memory, not to mention judgement and she didn't even want to think about how he'd shoe-horned the diagnostic to show an all clear. Damn, at this rate she wouldn't be able to keep his condition a secret much longer or keep her old friend in his position. It couldn't be happening this fast! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Tell Mr. Rollins to get it done as quickly as possible--" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Engineering to the bridge," Nicoletti's call interrupted. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Janeway here," she replied. "I could use some good news, Lieutenant." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Captain, the core maintenance cycle is completed and all the interlocks have been purged of warp particles," the acting Chief Engineer reported. "It's now safe to take her up to warp 8 for the next six hours of the performance trials." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Understood," Kathryn replied in relief. "Excellent work, Lieutenant." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Thank you, Captain. Nicoletti out." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "You heard the lady, Mr. Paris," she said. "Get us the hell out of here." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Aye, aye, Ma'am!" Paris replied impudently and Kathryn had to smile. "Going to warp seven . . . warp seven point five . . . warp eight!" he said triumphantly a few moments later as the Dregardrak ships dwindled rapidly behind them. "Mr. Gedrek, eat our space dust!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn chuckled tiredly and turned back to Ayala. "Lieutenant Ayala, you have the bridge," she said and he nodded formally, stepped out from behind the Tactical station and moved down to the Command area. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Aye, aye, Captain, I have the bridge," he replied. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn spared him a smile and moved quickly to the turbolift. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she was at her door entering her pass codes before she realised it. Someone gave a discrete cough behind her and she turned to face Ensign Ombagi U'Lanai. The young, dark-skinned security officer was one quarter Vulcan, if Kathryn remembered correctly, and it showed in her elegantly pointed ears and upswept eyebrows. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Ensign U'Lanai," she said formally as her door opened and she gestured for the young woman to precede her. The lights came up automatically. "How may I help you, Ensign?" she asked, leading her over to the sitting area. She was bone tired, but she couldn't allow it show. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The young woman looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Captain," she said quietly. "But I felt I should speak to you about Lieutenant Commander Tuvok." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn's eyes widened as she regarded U'Lanai's intelligent chocolate brown eyes. "What about Commander Tuvok?" she asked, but she knew already that if anyone noticed Tuvok's lapses, it would be another Vulcan. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "What was the Doctor's diagnosis of the Commander?" she asked bluntly. "Voh-katra-roq?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Again Kathryn regarded her in surprise, but although she was loathe to discuss Tuvok's private business, she realised that U'Lanai could have helpful information. "That's correct," she confirmed. "The doctor believes that it was brought on by our kidnapping and reprogramming on Quarra--not to mention Teero's brainwashing." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The woman gazed down at her hands thoughtfully. "I thought it might be," she said. She met Kathryn's gaze again. "When he first started showing the signs, I'd hoped it would only be that because at least there would be sufficient time--at least five, even ten years--in which the Doctor could search for a cure or we'd make it home before the deterioration became noticeable." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "You hoped it would only be that?" Kathryn echoed in confusion. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes Captain," she replied. "But with such rapid deterioration of his faculties, I'm fairly sure now that the Doctor has made the wrong diagnosis--" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn gripped the hand rests of her chair, white-knuckled. "What!" she demanded. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| U'Lanai smiled ruefully and it softened her stern, angular face. "What's more, given that Tuvok is a Vulcan male, once the Doctor came up with that diagnosis seemingly matching his symptoms, Tuvok would have encouraged it." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Janeway gaped at her in disbelief. "You're telling me that Tuvok deliberately misled the Doctor regarding a condition that could destroy his mind!" she shouted. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Ah . . . something like that, Captain--" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I'll kill him!" Kathryn fumed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| This time U'Lanai laughed heartily and Kathryn's anger turned to surprise again; she was so used to seeing the ensign as a Vulcan, she often forgot that the young woman was three quarters human. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Captain, he wouldn't have seen it that way," the young woman clarified. "To Tuvok's thinking, in his own infinitely logical way, he was just keeping certain things private." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn bit her tongue and nodded for U'Lanai to continue. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "The brainwashing assaults on him probably didn't help matters, but I don't believe they're the root cause. My Vulcan great-grandmother once told me something that didn't make much sense until I grew up. I was upset and jealous of my mostly male Vulcan cousins, who always seemed so calm and logical--and always seemed to be mocking me for my lack of emotional control." Her grin widened. "But one day, T'Mari sat me down and explained that it was a failing common to males of most humanoid species especially that they take things to extremes. Klingon males take aggression and honour in battle to the extreme--Romulans, paranoia and distrust, while for Vulcans--" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "It's logic and emotional control," Kathryn finished flatly, feeling as if she'd been run over by the proverbial Ferengi transport. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes, Captain. However, many Vulcan females don't go through an intense pon-farr the way males do--" She laughed again at Kathryn's surprised face. "In fact, on average they're less subject to a lot of the imbalances and metabolic malfunctions to which Vulcan males are prone. They also have a very healthy, albeit Vulcan, take on sexuality at its most basic--sort of a practical, naturalistic application of logic. After my grandmother, Helene--who was my grandfather Moruk's second wife--died unexpectedly at the age of 67, my grandfather illogically refused to take another wife. Perhaps if she hadn't died less than a year before his pon-farr things might have been different. However, Moruk chose to go through his pon-farr using meditation and subsequently developed voh-ka-t'fei, which can manifest symptoms that's often mistaken for voh-katra-roq, except that the grace period is mere months instead of years. If a patient lasts more than a year after the symptoms begin to develop, he's very lucky." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "But I know that Tuvok has used meditation successfully before in a similar situation and this time he had the help of the holodeck," Kathryn said quietly as she tried to deal with the bombshell U'Lanai had literally dropped in her lap. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The young woman shook her head. "Captain, unless a Vulcan is a priest or at the very least a first level meditative adept, meditation during pon-farr is simply a stop-gap measure," she said urgently, capturing Kathryn's attention again. "Furthermore, holograms have no minds or emotions to connect with. Voh-ka-t'fei occurs when plak-tow is not satisfactorily resolved and I'll bet that Tuvok was able to get home to T'Pel in less than a year the last time he'd had to make do with meditation." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn nodded and the young woman continued. "T'Pel would have then mind-meld with him and subsequently taken care of his needs." U'Lanai looked discomfited again under Kathryn's scrutiny. "In fact, meditation as a way to deal with pon-farr is not recommended for males who've been married more than fifty or sixty years, no matter how adept they are at it because this is usually the outcome." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "But how does any of this help Tuvok here and now?" Kathryn demanded. "Whether it's voh-ka-t'fei or voh-katra-roq, the outcome is the same--except according to you, he'll go mad even sooner. My problem is the same; I can't get him home to his family in time!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "His wife," U'Lanai corrected. "Since the root problem is sexual, the fal-tor-voh must be performed by T'Pel or--" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Or?" Kathryn echoed, holding the other woman's gaze. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Or someone Tuvok is close enough to that he'll accept her in the role of his wife," she said quietly without flinching. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Vulcans!" the Doctor spat in disgust as he studied the information U'Lanai had routed to his station explaining about Tuvok's condition. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Well?" Kathryn asked as she forced herself to stop pacing his office like a caged tiger. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "If Ensign U'Lanai says it's a possibility, I'll have to take her word for it," he said dryly. "The only problem I can see is that the female usually initiates the telepathic link as well as the mind-meld. And if you haven't noticed, we seem to have a dearth of female telepaths at the moment--what about Ombagi herself?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn shook her head. "No can do," she replied, looking out over Tuvok's still form. "I think she looks at him as rather a father-figure and furthermore, she was friends with his middle son when she was a teenager. It would be too weird for both of them and she doubts that Tuvok would even accept her. Anyway she's only one quarter Vulcan; her telepathic rating is not that much higher than an average human and it's certainly nothing near a full Vulcan's strength." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Hmmm," the Doctor said absently. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn looked down at her immaculately polished boots, drumming her fingertips rhythmically on her hipbones before regarding Tuvok again. "Too bad I'm not a telepath," she said. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "You could be--at least temporarily," the Doctor answered. She stared at him for a long, hard moment, before nodding for him to continue. "There are a number of compounds you could take that would give you a temporary boost in psionic abilities; kironide, psybillan and neurentormaline to name a few." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He pulled up the molecular models of each compound and Kathryn studied them over his shoulder. "I wouldn't recommend kironide--it has a few side effects that aren't too nice--telekenesis, rampant megalomania--" He looked up pointedly at her and she glared back at him. He cleared his non-existent throat and continued. "And it inhibits natural humanoid healing. If I had to choose I'd say psybillan-- neurentormaline is not as toxic as kironide, but induces too many personality changes." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He focussed in on the compound he'd chosen, rotating it and studying its properties closely. "Psybillan is based on Betazoid psycho-chemistry. In humans, it mimics the action of one of the Betazoid neurotransmitter responsible for their telepathy. But it must be strictly regulated, as long term use can be habit-forming--" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Believe me, I don't intend to make this a habit, Doctor," she said. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes, Captain," he replied looking a bit embarrassed. "Once you've established the link, then you'd have to induce him to meld with you and according to Ombagi, you'd then have to act as his guide in re-establishing his sense of self." He looked at her in concern. "There is the danger of him overwhelming you, of losing yourself in his psyche. I'll have Tuvok on a cortical monitor for the next few days to make sure there isn't any residual damage from the disrupter blast. I'd like you to wear a monitor as well--that way, if I see your brain patterns starting to look like his or becoming unduly erratic, I can stimulate your mind into asserting itself without disturbing your rapport with Mr. Tuvok." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn gave a low, dry chuckle. "Disturbing our rapport--never heard it put quite that way before." The holographic physician threw her a shocked look. "Let's get this over with," she said. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| It only took a few minutes to synthesise the compound and administer it. "The drug will require about an hour to take effect and these abilities should persist for no more than fifteen hours," he informed her. "Generally they fade after about twelve hours. If this treatment requires a longer period than that, I'll have to administer a second dose." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Doctor, if I can't finish the job in twelve hours, I'm not much of a woman," she quipped. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Captain!" he admonished. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She rubbed her suddenly throbbing head. "I know Doc," she said quietly. "But if I don't laugh, I'll cry and I need to get through this." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The sympathy in his holographic eyes touched her as he replied softly, respectfully, "Yes, Captain." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn stood at the viewport in Tuvok's bedroom, watching the silent universe streak past. When the Doctor had informed her that Tuvok was regaining consciousness, she had secretly beamed into his quarters. She reached out now and followed his progress through the corridors of Voyager. It was a strange, heady sensation to suddenly have this god-like omniscience and so dangerous. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| While waiting for Tuvok to wake up and for the first indications that the drug was working, she'd called Chakotay from her quarters and informed him that she'd be taking the next day off. He'd in turn informed her of the Doctor's recommendation that Tuvok be relieved of duty for the next week ostensibly to recover from the disrupter blast. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| But it was then that she suddenly found herself quite literally inside Chakotay's head, even as she watched him speaking to her on her viewscreen. It was as if she were in two places at once. She found herself awash in his concern for Tuvok. Suddenly, it was as if his mind changed tracks in mid stream and he flooded her mind with thoughts of herself-- | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| . . . her hair longer . . . framing her face in soft, auburn waves . . . her lips parted . . . swollen . . . hungry, oh so hungry for her . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Then ruthlessly, she was thrust from those thoughts as he turned from them--his mind shouting, "You have no right to be thinking of her like that! Not now! She's made her position perfectly clear and you've made your choice--now live with it!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Again a change of tracks and another image--this time with a halo of smooth platinum hair framing flawless, white skin--took her place. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Startled, she had pulled out of his mind and found him staring curiously at her. After assuring him that she was only a little tired, she'd managed the rest of their conversation without dipping into his mind again. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And afterward, she'd wanted to curl up and sob in despair at the irony of the whole situation--that she would now give Tuvok what she hadn't been able to bring herself to give freely to the man she loved. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn felt Tuvok's primal urge and need threaten to overwhelm her as she focussed her thoughts on him again. He was outside his quarters now, fumbling to input his security codes. Reflectively, she relaxed her body and ran one hand over her breasts, stroking them through the rough material of the Vulcan ceremonial robe she'd replicated. At the faint awakening of arousal, she picked up the small goblet she'd placed on the sill of the viewport, turned from the streaking universe and waited for him to come in. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn stood in the corner and watched him enter, tiredly dropping down onto the bed. She could see his internal struggle etched on his face as he wrestled to achieve a meditative state, hands trembling as he brought his fingertips together, and she wondered how he'd made through the corridors of the ship in his condition. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Suddenly he flung his hand out and swept the contents of his night table across the room with a growl of frustration. A book bounced off the wall and fell to the ground in front of her. Their eyes locked as she crouched to retrieve it. She felt his shock register in her gut as he looked at her. He rose unsteadily from the bed as she advanced towards him. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Captain?" he whispered. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes Tuvok," she answered softly, dropping the book back onto the nightstand. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Captain, please leave," he struggled to get the words out. "I wish to meditate. You should not be here at this time." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I am where I wish to be, Tuvok," she said firmly and pushed against the barrier of his mind. She felt his utter astonishment at her new ability and his primal longing for her. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn held the cup of ceremonial Vulcan wine out to him and focussed her thoughts. "A measure of love freely given, must be freely accepted. Then friendship again," she projected telepathically. "And that knows no measure." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He looked at her in anguish and Kathryn felt his resolve falter as his internal battle raged. His eyes focused on the cup. "Why?" he asked hoarsely, reaching for it. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "A sacred trust," she answered telepathically as their fingertips touched. He took a deep breath and drank. "Do you accept this gift, Tuvok?" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He began to turn away and she placed a hand on his sleeve. Kathryn watched his struggle as he looked down on her hand. He could not refuse. "Yes," he whispered meeting her gaze. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes!" he reiterated passionately as their minds met. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn took his hand and began to trace the ritual mating patterns between his fingers. She smiled his startled reaction when she placed her other hand on the back of his neck and brought his head down to hers. Going up on her tiptoes, she brought her lips to his with an impish smile and enjoyed the sweet tangle of their tongues as she steered him onto the bed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He sat down and pulled her roughly onto his lap. She felt him harden immediately as she straddled him without breaking eye contact. Another rush of arousal coursed through her and going with her instincts, she leaned hard into him, crushing her naked mound against his engorged erection through the barrier of their clothing. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She placed her hands on either side of his face and intensifying her mental push, she called to him. "Come to me, Tuvok. Come to me!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Suddenly his hands were on her face in preparation for the mind-meld. She felt the icy burn of his fingertips like drops of liquid nitrogen on her temples as he made contact. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "My mind to your mind," he droned and pulled her into him. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The heat of the Vulcan sun seared her skin. They stood on the burning sands together, as close as two people could get without touching. The wind swirled loose sand about them. Kathryn recognised this place--she'd been there once. Tuvok's family retreat at An'Selyar, an oasis the desert seemed to give up only reluctantly. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She watched his face closely and for a moment his love for her burned brighter than the sun. But it wasn't for her, Kathryn. It was T'Pel he saw in this private place. She waited for him to give her a sign and suddenly, it rose unbidden in her mind what he longed for--that first pon-farr with his new mate in the ancient grotto across the dunes. Ran'Torak--the caves of his ancestors. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn turned from him in the windswept courtyard and started down the hill from the oasis into the unforgiving desert. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Come," she called to him and without looking back to see if he followed, she began the trek to Ran'Torak. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| It seemed that they walked for hours, her mouth as parched as the desert sand, her throat burning and still she pushed on . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Then suddenly he was no longer behind her following, but at her side, his arm protectively about her shoulders and they walked on . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And at the end of eternal dunes--Ran'Torak, hewn from ancient rocks thrust high above the burning sands . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| They began to climb. She heard his laboured breath above the wind . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Come," she called, leading him into the sand-scoured cave. She sat upon the stone pallet in the centre of the room, feet planted firmly on the ground and legs apart. She waited for him to enter . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He stood upon the threshold . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Come," she called to him again and lay back . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He lay on top of her, but she didn't feel his weight, nor could she feel the hard stone beneath her. She felt only his desperate need to take what she offered--yet he lay trembling above her. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Suddenly she couldn't tell where Kathryn ended and his projection of T'Pel began. Floundering in this profound loss of self, of her own sense of reality, she gave an inarticulate cry in panic . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A sudden self-preservation instinct to struggle like a frightened bird--against the imprisoning of self in a useless, unresponsive mind, while her body flew on the wings of another will--gripped Kathryn. But she was firmly caught in the downward spiral of a hurricane that pulled her consciousness down even as it buoyed the rest of the being that was Kathryn Janeway high above the churning maelstrom . . . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Then the world shifted and after a kaleidoscope moment of disorientation, Kathryn found herself on top of Tuvok; her body solid and real even in this place of unreality. Looking down into his fathomless eyes, desperate with need, she pulled herself together and gave him what he sought--permission! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| With one brutally efficient thrust, he pushed up into her--stretching her, filling her with his burning need. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| When did we lose our clothing? she wondered distantly. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She clung to him as he rolled her beneath him to thrust even deeper into her with a desperate wordless grunt. This time she could feel the hot stone and rough sand beneath her, scouring her back raw as he pounded into her. Yet she was detached from the pain she knew was there. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And in that parched desert world, she was drowning in his love for her--for T'Pel, her conscience reminded her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs about his hips and drew him deeper into her. He stiffened, crushing the breath out of her as he clutched her to him and cried out his passion into her waiting body. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She awoke to herself later with the sensation of someone standing over her. Then the pain hit, searing her womb. Her body ached all over, but worst was the ache deep in that indefinable place--her soul. Her eyes filled with tears and she fought the need to cry out. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Doctor reached down and lifted her from Tuvok's embrace. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "He's in a deep sleep now," the physician informed her quietly. She curled into him feeling safe and protected in his arms. "Computer, transport directly to Sickbay." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| After the transporter's familiar disorientation, Sickbay formed around them and he laid her tenderly on one of the biobeds. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Thank you," she whispered hoarsely as he held a water siphon to her parched lips. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I didn't think you'd want him to see you in pain," he said gently and she stared at him in renewed admiration. Tears stung her eyes; he squeezed her hand gently. Not for the first time she asked herself when a collection of photons and heuristic algorithms had evolved into compassion. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Thank you for understanding," she said as he pressed a hypospray to her neck. Immediately the sharp pain in her abdomen subsided. The Doctor passed his diagnostic scanner down her body. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "The bruising is fairly substantial and there's been some tearing," he informed her. "But it will only take a few minutes to repair." However, as he prepared the regenerator to repair her physical damage, she knew that there was so much more his instruments could never touch. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Later, after the Doctor transported her back to Tuvok's quarters she lay awake for a long time examining her emotions as honestly as she could. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Life, she realised, makes fools of us all. Her regrets regarding Chakotay and Seven, and stranding the ship in the delta quadrant notwithstanding, she'd had a good life. Her mother, the consummate mathematician, always held that life was a cosmic joke. On a microscopic level it made exquisite mathematical sense, but anything more complex than a bacterium was simply the Universe having a good laugh at itself. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I need to laugh at myself more, Kathryn thought ruefully. Slowly she became aware of her bed partner regaining consciousness. She turned into him and propping her head up on one hand, she watched him come awake. Tuvok lay for a moment studying her through half-lowered lids. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Kathryn," he said softly. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She smiled and traced the planes of his face gently. "Hello, Tuvok," she said and was surprised at the sudden lascivious thought that flashed through his mind. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She saw herself soaring above him moaning in ecstasy, her hair wild and dishevelled--her eyes dark with passion as she rode his rapidly hardening erection. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I think I'm up for that," she chuckled, amazed at how free and unashamed she was to be lying in the arms of an old friend, whom until less than twenty-four hours before, she'd never thought of as anything more than a friend. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| He looked at her dubiously and she laughed again as she rolled on top of him. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Oh you'd be surprised at what this human woman likes," she said chuckling evilly and lowering her head to kiss him deeply. Then leaning back and bracing her hands on his muscled thighs as he steadied her with his hands on her hips, she forced his penis to penetrate her at an exquisite angle as she began to ride him hard to an explosive climax. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuvok awoke alone in his bed. He examined himself critically and noted that although he was tired, his mental state was returning to a tolerable condition of stability. After a few days of meditation, he would be able to purge the residual emotions that still cluttered his thoughts and achieve his proper level of Vulcan control. As he rose from the bed he felt a small twinge of panic, before establishing contact with her telepathically. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kathryn's mind was warm and welcoming, but as he dressed, he realised that he no longer felt the same intimacy he'd shared with her. Instead, he became aware of other emotions surfacing in her--emotions that had nothing to do with him, that he had no right to be privy to and for a moment he experienced a wave of sadness in the knowledge that she was not his. She could never belong to him in that way, just as he could never belong to her. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| It had been an extraordinary experience with a caring, experienced lover, but now it was time to let go. He'd never thought of her as a playful lover he realised suddenly. But then he'd never thought of her in the context of a lover before. He left the bedroom and moved to his sitting room, where Kathryn sat curled on his couch. Studying her for a moment, silhouetted in the warp-light, he hesitated on the threshold. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Hello, Tuvok," she called gently. "Come, join me." He was startled as her words echoed her telepathic calls during the fal-tor-voh. He made the short walk through the darkened sitting room and sat down across from her. She wore a heavy sweater over a pair of dark slacks, but his keen eyesight could make out her contented expression even in the dim light of the warp streaks. "The Doctor reports that your plak-tow has been successfully achieved. How are you feeling?" she asked softly as she handed him a glass containing a small amount of white wine. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I am well, thank you, Captain," he replied as he accepted the glass. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She gave a soft laugh. "For these last few moments Tuvok, it is still Kathryn sitting here." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Yes," he replied. "Kathryn, I wish to discuss my telepathic bond to you." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She nodded. "Do you have any idea when I'll lose this awareness of you? I can't read your mind anymore but I'm aware of what you're thinking," Kathryn explained. Tuvok lost his composure and looked at her in open astonishment. She grinned impishly at him. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I do not know--Kathryn. It should fade with time. I have not had experience with a human--" He stopped short in a sudden spurt of embarrassment. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| She laughed to ease his embarrassment and raised her glass. "Then before we lose this bond, a toast to friendship, Tuvok," Kathryn said softly, "and to love freely given and freely accepted." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Tuvok raised his glass solemnly. "To you my friend, Kathryn, live long and prosper." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| # Part 4 Previous Back to Stories Back to Main Index |
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