| Steve dropped the bomb at proprac today; I guess Scott was going to propose to Hillary tonight. �It just reminds me how alone I am, how utterly alone.� What is it about me that drives people away?� When it comes to guys why do they turn the other way and run?� I'm feeling very sorry for myself.� Jess is engaged, Lauren is dating someone new, Versie is getting married, Kari already is, JoAnne is getting married, even Ben is dating someone!� Why can't I meet a guy that I can go on more than one date with?� Am I such a vile person?� Is my personally one that is so dull that no one wants to be around me?� Am I such a mouse that I boar people out of their minds?� Why am I cursed to always be just one of the guys, or a "good friend"?� Has God branded me in some way that I cannot see?� I know I am not beautiful, and I'm on the fat side, but is it so bad that a guy cannot look twice at me?� Why am I cursed?� Not even my best friend called me on Valentines Day, am I that easy to forget?� I wonder if I wasn't such a cowered if I would still be here.� Why aren't I dead yet?� Why did God save me those times I could have died?� What is some cruel joke?� Why didn't he just let me die?� There are so many people no longer with us that had so much to live form and I'm still here, utterly useless and with nothing to really live for.� Pam called a little before 7 and invited me over to watch a movie, like an after-thought.� Why do I even bother hoping that some day it will be different?� Lord, just strike me down, its not like anyone would notice if I were gone. |
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