Real Name: Monique (nickname Nikki)
Age: 31 (with the souls of a 15 year old. No I didnt steal it!! It was mine to begin with....)
Appearence: Much like her true love, Raba. Soft dark hair and deep brown eyes, that could capture even the coldest of hearts.
Personality: Usually friendly and positive, though possesses a dark streak that causes her to lash out at those she cares for most, in moments of hurt or regret, hoping that she will be forgiven in the end. Her patience with people is ususally phenominal. Extremely social and loves to be loved and shown affection. Finds a challenge oftentimes more valuable than the prize itself, because within the challenge she excels...
History: Lives in Michigan, along the St. Clair River, acrost from Canada. Just North of Detroit and just South of heaven.
I don't know what to say about me. I suppose if you wanted to know more you could always ask. I'm most times very open and honest with people I have grown to know. As I have said before. I'm an open book, all one must do to read more, is just to turn the pages. Some days you might find a fun story, others one more dark, and still others you may feel some of the love I hold so dear to my heart... My stories never change, but the ones I chose to tell will vary from day to day, as my moods shift, as people inspire, and as I am struck with ever-conflicting emotions.
(Yes I DO know that isnt a pic of me....I have to find a decent one or do a fun photo shoot with the animals I call my RL friends *grins* THAT could be fun...*chuckles*)
I have been thinking about things
Pondering your words
You and I- two souls
Destined only to cause pain
I know that you could
Never truly love me again
Not like this.
Not today or even tomorrow
And your love turns to
Hate
Like everyone else does
My curse.
My curse is to love, though�
You might disagree. Telling me
It�s better to have loved and lost
I feel great pain at that loss
I hold on to it, dreading it but
Knowing
That it�s only a matter of time
Before another�s eyes dance in your joy
Instead of my own
I think it begins as the cuddling
Ends
When you stop holding me near
To yourself. When you push me
Further-with your words
Do you even know?
How much I miss you?
Do you even see?
The pain in my eyes as
I close them each day?
Do you even truly know how
Tortured I am in this life we lead?
Living every day never-ending
My heart slowly breaking
You see only that, that pains you
My love
Shunning the things that I hold
Dear in your inconsiderate manner
Making me feel your pain
As well as my own
Everyday I listen though, and
My heart shrinks away from the
Pain
That it will someday bear for you
And further I push away, hoping to gain in some other way
What you have denied me
Acceptance, friendship, encouragement
Compassion, intrigue�
I haven�t gotten a kiss or a smile
Not even a hug, not a sweet touch
In so long
From you
You will, no doubt, blame me
For that, too, is your nature
And after all, isn�t it easier
If we blame others
Other than finding fault within ourselves?
You must think it a joy to be me
A soul trapped in a body but
Going no where quickly
That I find solace at all
Is truly amazing. That I find
Happiness in something is truly a blessing
One you would take swiftly away
Because you cant agree or understand
You think it all should come to you
Because you do so much
But you don�t even know how much
I truly miss you
Can the passions we once shared be rekindled?
I�m not blessed to know this
But I fear, not, just as you do
I stand in the rain
Tasting the sweet bitterness of your
Words
And longing for a time when I
Will not feel
The need to dance within your love
Or long for the fire that used to burn
For me, alone, in your eyes
I've missed you for so long
I may not even remember what we
Used to share
Only the cruel words
You use to hurt me
Inflicting no end of pain
Upon my withering soul
This is not love
But a shammed reenactment of something
We both want and need
Perhaps.
Perhaps one day your eyes will open
And find mine staring back
With the love I used to have
But I don�t think I have the will
We have grown too far apart perhaps
Though, you still might find
If you looked hard enough
A small flicker
Waiting for a warm embrace to
Ignite the flame
Or a cold, frigid breeze
To extinguish all its faint hope
In a single breath
(01-04-05)
How can I write down, all the tears
my eyes have shed throughout the years
how can I express the burn
of having things I've yet to learn
How can I write my total glee
that he smiles and laughs with me
how can I express these grins
this one makes me live again
How can I write my sad regrets
to fill him in of friendship's debts
how can I express the pain
this one, I think, I make insane.
How can I write down my fury
that he doesnt seem to hear me
how can I express my wrath
This one has already left my path
How can I write my curiousity
he's bringing out the fear in me
How can I express my heat
this one makes my nightmares sweet
How can I write a broken heart
he played a game right from the start
How can I express my shattered dreams
this one makes my spirit scream
How can I write my pure suprise
that his presence grace my eyes
How can I express my warm embraces
this one take me back to Krynn's great places.
How can I write my mixed emotions
Carried through this soulless ocean
How can I express the things I feel
When given little time to heal
How can I write my dazed red eyes
from all the tears I've had to cry
How can I express the need to scream
the fullfillment of my every dream
How can I write down my soul
the scars have healed, but still not whole
How can I express the need to cry
to drain this pain through my dark eyes
(01-21-05)
Talk to me
dream of me
drink of me
drain me
pull me from
the ground and...
hold me
before you knock me back down
make me bleed and...
steal my eyes
But please...
Don't break my heart
Don't take my heart
Don't let me fall
so deeply
into you.
Weird.