the thunder rolls, getting closer
the storm at its fullest
where fantasy and reality meet
a fine line, drawn in blue chalk
youve touched me in those moments
that the barrier failed
allowing me to see just a little more
of who you really are
allowing our hands to touch
for the briefest of seconds
the lightning flashes illuminating
everything around us through the
darkness
the rain washing away the chalk
and before anyone can redraw the line
i step over it, feeling your true warmth
as i take you into a soft embrace
laying my head against your chest
listening to your heartbeat in time
with my own
My thoughtful eyes look into yours
longing to hold on to this moment
as i know the dream will fade soon
but not before i trace your lips
with my fingers
and memorize your features the way
you stand, your own eyes...
i find myself seperated from you again
it seems someone redrew the line
while we were not looking
you wave silently, a sad expression on your face
for me. You must know how badly
i feel
right now, leaving you here
somehow you manage to get something
acrost the line. A small locket
on a fine silver chain. i look to you
curiously and you nod your head
an amused expression on your face
i pause to open it, my heart pounding
you filled it so full it all bursts out
as i open it
your warmth, your wings your affection
your inspiration. Hope.
a beautiful gift. my eyes
fill with tears
i brought nothing for you this night
opening my eyes slowly
to the coldness of reality
a small gasp as i realize within my hand
a small silver locket on a
fine silver chain
filled with everything you wished for me
in the place between fantasy and reality
Good: I love him, he gives me so much
Evil: I fukkin hate him for making me feel...
Neutral: (I'm confused.)
Good: Without that bliss I would not be inspired!
Evil: Plenty inspires me!! Look around, asshole!
Neutral: (Even the smallest things can inspire...)
Good: You only say that because you hate the love you feel...
Evil: I SAID that. That emotion makes one WEAK and worthless!
Neutral: (When are these feelings appropriate!?)
Good: But without that "weakness" you would never acheive your true strength.
Evil: Shut up, BITCH! I'm the evil one around here! You dont know ANYTHING!
Neutral: (...help me...)
Good: You only scream and swear now, because you can't argue that. Nor can you accept it. Weakness brings strength. Strength inspires. So...therefore...he is a strength that inspires! Your own words really...
Evil: He's trouble. You don't even have to be evil to know THAT!
Neutral: (please...)
Good: Well....I'm keeping him around.
Evil: I will fight you tooth and nail, wench...This is ridiculous!! I hate him.
Neutral: (Why me? Why NOW?)
Good: You may fight...but you can't deny my logic in this. You WILL lose. Better to take the chance...you don't even have to be good to know this...
Evil: You think you're SO smart, but "I" know how this is all going to end. The same way everything else you've tried to do ends, you bitch!! Your setting yourself up for a hard fall, and "I", for one, am not going to allow it. I fukkin HATE when you do this!!
Neutral: (*moans softly*)
Good: I'm NOT letting you talk me out of this, I feel too good right now...better than I have in years...Don't deny me this...with your doubt...
Evil: Since when have I been the voice you listen to anyway?! You do what you want, bitch, but know that I oppose this...
Neutral: (*waits quietly, watching, tears falling*)
Good: I love him...he gives me so much....
Welcome to my darkened stairs
Just be glad that I'm not there
I'd push...and you would fall
my laughter, as I watched it all
Did you think that I'm not bad?
A bit of good? A trifle sad?
You really didn't see it clear
I'M the one you need to fear.
My love is tinged with blackened ice
You really didn't think me nice?
You enter softly through my door
I think I'll make you beg for more.
Can you contain my silent screams
hidden in my darkest dreams?
Can you repair the hurt that taints
As my soul grows slight and faint?
Have I told you that my room is cold?
I'm freezing if the truth be told.
My thoughts progress to your demise
Captured in my cold, cruel eyes.
Through those eyes you wish to see
the light you dream's inside of me.
There's nothing on the other side!
There's nothing LEFT for me to hide!
I see your eyes, as you deny
and with your words, you make me cry
I shake my head. It's all true.
Don't make me hurt this part of you.
You take me softly in your arms
you couldn't bring me greater harm
I step back and give a shove
how DARE you make me feel this love!
Even you can surely see
the hate that dwells inside of me
No, you think, that couldn't be...
well, welcome to this side of me!
Quick words to hurt, a biting glance
no passion held within my stance
I shove you back against the door
NOW tell me how you wanted more!
I think I've truely lost my mind
I turn from you another time
So you can't see the hate I feel
The pain inside that you can't heal.
I growl with rage, and smash my glass
your now inside my darkened past.
This darkness is what's really true
I turn again to lash at you.
Pressing close against your frame
I wonder why you play this game
Perhaps NOW i'm not so great
as you see me in this state.
My words now hold no warmth or care
Even as we're standing there
The blood flows freely from my hand
There's too much love inside this man.
I growl and glare and whisper coldly
Never thought I'd act so boldly?
You can't do this! See me bleed?
FEEL this hate from which I feed.
I struggle as I fight to gain
the part of me remaining sane
I laugh. I cry. I hurt. It's true.
Hating what you put me through
Let me show you shattered trust
hidden in a neighbor's lust
now picture just a little girl
thats a part of this dark world
The flames ignite inside my eyes
I've been told a million lies.
I back away, and slowly rest
the depth in me that I detest.
Let me show you shattered dreams
Divorce, mistrust, and tattered seams
He wasn't faithful, wasnt true
Does this disgust the good in you?
Well I played too, he wouldn't be
the one to make a fool of me
The hottest night had left me done
He doesnt know he has a son.
Instead I played that I was true
Now. What else can I show to you?
True evil, what can I say?
I give you leave to run away.
I sigh again, my rage is done
I didn't really have much fun
I never do, it hurts me more
Each time I step through these dark doors.
I raise my eyes to take you in
You never thought I held these sins.
The tears fall gently from my eyes.
guess I fooled you...with my disguise...
My love sinks slowly back inside
All these times you make me cry
I cry because you make me feel
you threaten me with words that heal.
I just thought that you should see
this darker part inside of me
So you will understand just why I fight
when you tell me things that I do right
Help me. Please. Get through this day
Please dont ever go away
I wanted you to truely know
Now please dont ever let me go.
(01-01-05)
Darkness
silent longing
sinking sweetly into shadow
touch me.
More.
Don't hurt me...
Blissful rapture
make me.
make me feel...
your dark pleasures
My every fantasy
my every fear
touch me.
gently. softly.
pictures in my mind
Intensity
waterfalls of shivers
Intrigue, warmth
touch me.
open my mind
pour me out
make me scream
your name
lingers now
within the maze
of my devious mind
touch me.
teach me.
hurt me with no pain
while you hold me closely
tempt me. Show me.
Everything. In new depth...
tease me.
touch me.
-The plan is to buy a VW Microbus and travel the country selling grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and elephant ears.
-I will find the VW Microbus in the "Auto Trader" (I'm looking for one with pink paisleys and a peace sign on the side. Preferably it will have a bumper sticker that reads "Stops suddenly to pray to roadkill")
-I will be known as the VW Microbus Goddess of grilled PB&J's
-Set will dress as a wookie, after he formulates a plan to steal the original Chewbaca costume from Florida. (get formulating and I will add that plan to THIS plan)
-Ri has brought up several valid points.
-lack of bread will be solved by going to the bread store.
-lack of peanut butter will be solved by buying an elephant, as we all know they work for peanuts.
-lack of elephant ears will result in....DOUGH!! (Could be, upon further thought, that we might need a new elephant if the ears stop growing back!)
-Dusty will be the satanic mechanic (well, we would eventually need the VW Bus repaired, and who better to cover that, than someone who could do it with an evil grin?)
-There will be a PA system that plays old Thompson Twins tunes...in Midi (how evil, its great...)
-Ri has brought up two more valid points. Who will take care of the elephant and where will it sleep.
-Set has offered his girlfriend to care for the elephant
-The elephant will sleep with Set, of course.
-Set brings up gas for the VW Bus as an issue. (Well, we ARE selling grilled PB&J's and elephant ears. This should be a BIG hit, we will be rich.....right?)
-Dusty will aquire Satan's MAC tools for the mechanic-ness of the van. He will do this by placing the highest bid.
-Liz will aquire a hatchet, by theft, so it will be free. She will be in charge of cutting the wood to heat the stove that will cook the sandwiches and elephant ears.
-Jeremy will train the elephant to do neat-o tricks and charge admission. (everyone wants to see the elephant!! This is true. Great idea.)
-Liz brings up the question where will everyone sleep that goes with us.
-Set will provide a tent and sleeping bags for three. Everyone else will have to sew tattered clothes together or aquire their own. (Dusty will sleep in Satan's Toolbox)
-There will be much body heat, unless we only travel the south in the winter? Oh my. Another question then.
-So now I suppose we travel south for the winter and north for the summer.
-We will give elephant rides for extra cash. And if we are by the water will take showers using the elephant (all Flintstone style)
-Now we will also sell soup. Garden Vegetable, as we will have a traveling garden, complete with traveling Garden Gnomes. (We will sell the gnomes as souviners, because everyone knows how quickly they multiply. *nods*)
-Upon further reflection, and being that she is currently out of work, we will have Blondie doing lyrics to the blaring midi Thompson Twins tunes. She can stand on the top of the bus as we drive down the road, and we will treat her as if she is an NPC. (We will pay her in peroxide which can be procurred at the dollar stone. Two for a buck. Yeah, it IS a great plan. I've almost got a freak show going here...ohhhh...a freak show...hmmmm. Will think on this further later, maybe with some imput from others. It would require freaks.)
-I still need two people to ask random passers-by for a dollar. (They MUST remember their lines-"Hey, random stranger, got a dollar?"...maybe they could ALSO be freaks? That would be too convienent...)
-And as follows, the suggestions for the capture of the suit. But nothing is really concrete that I know of with this yet...yet...
-Setsei says: grab a light saber... and point it at the person who played luke. At the same time.. distract him by saying you are his father. Team "A" will be hiring Han for a job, will team "B" is distracting Obi Wan by offering him Death Sticks. Team "C" will grab Chewy from behind, kick his ass, take the suit, and contact the other three teams, where you then run out of hollywood, and back into cyber space and all meet up at yahoo
-to which Setsuna replied: I'll take care of Luke... Han's outta the question, and the new Obi-Wan is busy with another movie. All in all an easy operation. Except getting on set to steal the Chewbacca outfit. He's in the newest movie. *nods*
SURE! I'll take comments, suggestions, tips, or anything else you can think of regarding this. Oh! And I was gunna say sorry if I offended any freaks! You cant help it that your freaks...and I loves ya just the way you are *winks* Got a dollar?
(Brian Adams)
(01-01-05)
Reflections of me, within your eyes
I cannot hide, my soul still cries
he shattered all my dreams today
No. there's nothing you can say
He lured me in, just like they do
he picked me up when I was blue
but he could not stand my words, you see
he couldn't stand the hurt in me...
I spoke the truth, I never lied
he rips me up from deep inside
I must be strong, I must repress
this part of me in such distress
I'll hide well, and I'll disguise
this pain I hold within my eyes
the tears WON'T fall. No, not again!
To love...it is my greatest sin.
I'll grow cold, and NONE will see
the hurt and pain they cause in me
I'll let them lure, I'll let them tease
I'll drive their hearts right to their knees
I'll walk away, just like you'd do
and find again, a trust untrue
and cast reflections in his eyes
and always tell a single lie.
Yes. I will. They won't ever hear
those three words that I hold dear
I'll play my game, take up my dance
I'll never take another chance
I'll weave the spell, and use my words
to get the things that I deserve
I'll smile as I play these games
but never will I be the same...
Reflections they will never see
I've buried them inside of me
I've hid them well so none may see
the pain they cause inside of me.
Ill keep my dreams, Ill keep my heart
No longer will I be ripped apart
While I repress this gripping pain
I'll learn to never love again.
Now...Nothing...
(01-01-05)
Do nothing.
Say nothing.
Feel nothing.
Dont ever hope.
Dont ever dream.
Dare not aspire.
What are aspirations
when compared to cold hard fact?
Nothing is true.
what are dreams
beside subconcious lies?
There is no hope.
there is no such thing as
love.
Nothing is true.
There is no knight.
there is no castle.
there will be no rescue.
Why would you cry
over things you never truely had?
There are real things...
Denial is real.
Pain is real.
Frustration is real.
But nothing is true.
Nothing.
Do nothing.
say nothing.
feel nothing.
because nothing is true.
(01-21-05)
Why do I feel so sad right now
I've gained some ground, I know not how
I shouldn't feel this way this night!
It's not as if I didn't fight!
I tried and tried to find my peace
but their constant slamming never ceased
I've clawed my way from deeper holes!
If only I could quiet all -their- souls!
I never lie. They never see
the danger's faced by knowing me
and then they lash out, hurtful phrases
spinning me through countless phases
I never try to hurt, not a single one
but they'd use words to take -my- fun
I think they find it fun, you see
to try and crush the light from me
But found in darkness, hidden light
a newer place I've found in flight
The saddest part is I could be
everything he wants in me...
Setting myself up, again, to fall
and never using words at all
Instead I feel my way until I drop
begging for it all to stop
Just one chance for me to show
all the things I used to know
Oh how bad I need that shiver
rather than to cringe and quiver
Frustration builds, patience thins
the needful nature always wins
quiet, brooding, thoughtful moods
end most times with being rude
A darker spirit calls to me
tempting me with ecstasy
He forces focus, with his play
But do I want to play that way?
I need light to guide me home
to ease my restless spirit's roam
But harder to illuminate in light
worried I won't ask this right
Take me in and give your touch
I want to feel you very much
let me dance within your flame
I promise I won't play my games
Just a soft touch, to show to me
the way that touch is meant to be
Please don't bring me any pain...
Let my spirit fly again.
(02-03-05)
Just one more thing before you go
one more thing that you should know
you wanted secrets, didnt you?
knowing what I say is true?
I'm afraid of thunder, spiders too
I'm thrilled with what I see in you
I'll try to explain just one more thing
My hope is one thing that I'll bring
I've told you many times, you see
That I am what I claim to be
There's more to me than meets the eyes
Do you see through this thin disquise?
I am the sweetest icing ever seen
I'm the passion in your hottest dreams
I'm the fire on your warmest night
the wind that gives your spirit flight
Darker reflections dance with these
that often bring -me- to my knees
sometimes I sink so far, you see
that I can't find the light in me
Damn little demon, tongue for her blade
taking away any progress i've made
pushing away all she deems good
knowing that I know she could
My dark little angel hides to cry
every time that demon tries
If only you could see her tears
every time that demon nears...
(02-06-05)
two parts
divided
my feather in the wind
reaching, grasping
only for answers
for truth
in silence
secret, subtle shadows
beckoning
with dark desire
warmth, but...
nothing can change
passive resistance
giving way to
flight
Ever changing scenes
of kingdoms yet unseen
castles to be built...
pictures to be painted
dancing
between light
and shadow
dancing
along the fine line
drawn
in my mind
between fantasy
and reality
searching
with open eyes
seeking
death and rebirth
balancing
and falling
grasping, catching
spiraling down
closing my eyes
in descent
dizzying
dark depths
opening once more
to see
what I now hold
within my hands
02-18-05
Classical misconceptions
projections of
deceptions.
free my mind-
of time
be kind...
I'm so lost...
in where I've been
again and again
lost too many friends
can you see-
-me-?
The tears that fall...
even when I *smile*?
waiting for growth
waiting for rain
-waiting-
to come alive
to fly
to free this pain
Stolen moments
and fleeting days
memories
Take me me gently
Sleep's sweet embrace
dreaming
whispered secrets
recess of mind
and time
(02-20-05)
Dreams, she knows, come at cost
the price of finding all that's lost
Not her dreams, not her wish
the spirits, though, they still persist
Taken close, but seldom falls
Into the depths, and past the walls
Her eyes take shadows into sight
they hold her close most every night
Protecting her dreams with hidden goals
she fights for strength within her soul
She can't release him, won't even try
Countless times he's heard her cries.
Taken in, and brought out again
another sees her deepest sins
Can paint the pictures in her mind
just doesn't seem to find the time
It would be best if she disguised
the passion found within her eyes
Destroy the part that needs the worst
Hide, once more, her little curse
Bury everything back where it belongs
she lacks the skills to sing that song
She can no longer wish to fall
she'll build back up every wall
This isn't what she wants to do
This is not the way to be most true
Not the way to ease these pains
there is no way to hide these stains.
The story lays within her eyes
this is where she'll write the lies
She'll hide all the things they say
She'll try her best to look away
Even if thats what she needs
to stop the wounds that always bleed
Even if this pain she hides
makes her screams turn into cries
(02-23-05)
Silent repression
-regression-
new found agression
misplaced intentions
impressions
depression
falling, flailing
-frightened-
senses heightened
enlightened
sinking slowly
sadness impairs
Despair
no longer...
there.
fading fast
forgotten, lost
too much cost
heart turns to frost
walls rebuilt
all around
too much fear
to leave them down
-not a sound-
hearts start to pound
please no...
not again...
wings are broken
words misspoken
spirit awoken
Both truth
and lies
carry a burden
of pain
classic misconceptions
projections
of deceptions
Dreams...
-but lies-
No time to cry
to worry of why
No time to die...