Brooke woke the next morning alone. Sunlight was streaming through the windows and Edmund was gone. She looked around and saw he wasn't anywhere in the room. She wondered if he thought last night had been a mistake and went home during the night. She remembered how passionate he had been last night. They had missed each other so much they made love with abandon. Most of their clothes were down in the living room and she remembered struggling to get him and herself out of the rest of them. He woke her up once to make love again and this time they took their time, exploring every inch of the their bodies, and then made love slowly. She had fallen asleep with his arms wrapped around her and it had been heaven.
But the morning light brought reality. Edmund was married to Maria, Brooke was alone with her baby, his baby, their baby. The thought made her smile and she felt better. At least she had something from Edmund, another miracle baby, only this time the baby belonged to a man she had loved with her whole heart, and who she believed also felt the same about her, at least he had when the baby was conceived, now she wasn't sure. Last night he said he loved her, but she didn't know what that meant in this context. As usual her life was too complicated and she sometimes wished she could be someone else.
All of a sudden she heard him come into the room. He had a tray in his hands, he was bringing her breakfast in bed. She smelled the eggs immediately and ran for the bathroom. Her stomach was empty so she just had the dry heaves, but her eyes were watering and she couldn't stop gagging. Edmund came in with her bathrobe and wrapped it around her.
"Are you alright?" he asked. "Take...the...eggs...away," she said between heaves.
He left then and she sat down on the floor. That was the way he found her when he returned. "Better?" he said. "Here let me help you back to bed." He helped her up and put his arm around her while they made their way back to the bed. She lay down and he sat on the edge of the bed. He took her hand and said, "I thought you were over that flu."
"I am, but for some reason the smell of eggs still makes me wretch. It's left over from the flu I think." She looked at him furtively to see if he believed her. She could see that he did, his mind was obviously elsewhere.
"And to think I worked all this time on getting the eggs just the way you like them." He laughed. "So what would you like to eat?"
"How about toast with peanut butter and jelly?" she said.
"Peanut butter and jelly? I've never seen you eat that before," he said.
"I know, it's just what I've been eating lately." She was beginning to worry he was going to press this conversation. She had always been a bad liar and she hated lying to him now. But he dropped it and went to get her breakfast.
When he came back he crawled in bed with her and they ate in silence. Her stomach was finally settling down and the toast tasted great.
"Edmund I need to get ready to go to Jamie's game. Jason is picking me up in an hour."
"What? Are you kicking me out? I'm not leaving without talking about what happened last night," he said.
"There's nothing to talk about. We got carried away, it won't happen again. It shouldn't have happened at all," she said.
"Brooke, there's a lot we need to talk about. Call Jason and tell him you can't go."
"No. Why? There's no point in talking about his, you're married to Maria, end of story. I'm not going to be your mistress," she said.
"I'm not asking you to. Just call him will you? Or I'll call him for you. I'm not leaving Brooke."
She knew he meant it. One of the things that had always driven her crazy about him was his stubbornness. She could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't leaving until they talked. So she picked up the phone and dialed Jason's hotel room. "Jason, hi it's me," she said.
"Hi. What's up?" he sounded surprised. "I'm calling to tell you I can't go with you to Jamie's game today. I'm not feeling well again, the flu seems to be back." Boy, she was turning into a professional liar. She hated lying to poor Jason. She looked at Edmund, but he was cleaning up the dishes and the tray, he had his back to her.
"Oh. I'm disappointed. Why don't I come over and play nurse maid?" he asked.
"No. Somebody should represent me at Jamie's game. He'll be disappointed if neither one of us is there," she said. She was praying he wouldn't argue with her.
"You're right. I'll go to Jamie's game and then I'll call you. Maybe you'll be feeling better by then and we can do something this afternoon."
"That sounds wonderful. I'll talk to you then," she said. "Bye."
"Bye. Get better soon. I'll tell Jamie you won't be here."
"Okay," she said and hung up the phone.
Edmund came back and sat down on the bed. "What about Maria? What are you going to tell her?" Brooke wondered.
"I already called her. I told her something came up with Tempo and I had to go out of town last night. You know when I came over here last night I had no intention of making love to you."
"Like I said, it should never have happened," she said bitterly.
"I didn't say that. Brooke, that's not what I meant. What happened last night was beautiful and special and I will never forget it. What I meant was that I didn't realize how much I still loved you until I came here."
She felt hope and she didn't want to. She had been through so much in the last few weeks, she just didn't want to get hurt again. She felt tears stinging her eyes as she thought about how he had just walked away from her without a backward glance when he found out about Maria. She wasn't going to go through that again.
"What do you want from me Edmund?" she asked. The love of your life, mother of your children returned to you. It's a miracle. Why can't you just be happy?"
"Because when I was with you last year I realized how much I still loved you and that had not changed in all these years. You and I have something that I just don't have with Maria. She's been gone too long, we've been apart too long, we've both changed too much. It's like living with a stranger."
She couldn't believe she was hearing this. She'd just assumed that they would go back to what they had before. She never imagined this would happen. Yet she knew instinctively that Edmund was not the kind of man to just walk away from his marriage to Maria, it was one of the things she loved about him. And she was more certain than ever that he could never know that the child she was carrying was his. That would be more pressure than his marriage could take and she would not stand between them again. "Edmund, maybe you two need marriage counseling. How are the kids doing? They must be able to sense the tension."
"They're happy to have their mommy home, but they're confused by the unhappiness Maria and I feel," he sighed. "I just don't know what to do Brooke. And how do I turn off my feelings for you?"
"The same way I turned off mine for you. Nobody said it would be easy, but you have to do it Edmund. For yourself, and Maria, and those precious children. Sometimes being an adult means doing things that are really, really hard." She could feel tears stinging her eyes and one rolled down her cheek. Edmund looked over and handed her a tissue. He knew her so well! They both laughed. "Now go home to Maria and let me take a shower and get dressed."
They walked downstairs together and at the door Edmund took her in his arms. He smelled her hair and held her tight, pressing her face into his chest. He didn't want to ever let go of her, but she began to pull away. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Go, before I change my mind and attack you again."
He leaned down and kissed her lips, her hair and her neck. "Edmund, stop!" she said breathlessly. She was losing her will and she needed to be strong. Luckily he didn't argue and instead said, "Okay, good- bye Brooke."
"Good-bye Edmund." She shut the door and leaned against it trying to collect her thoughts. Edmund began crying before he even got to the car. He climbed in and sat behind the wheel and sobbed until he didn't have any tears left.
To be continued.