| Now that school�s out, I once again have time to dedicate to my craft. Lucky you, ne? This one struck me out of the blue. And I love the title, it just fits on a coupla levels; inspiration is so cool sometimes�� All the following anecdotes are true. I�ve done most of them myself, Tomanaiya did some and one was a donation from a friend. I told you people I was nuts. Title: Terrible Twos (9th in the Children�s Series) Author: Lady DarkAngel Ladydarkangel_1 @ yahoo.com Archive: Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://www.geocities.com/ladydarkangel_1/index.html, Darkflame�s (if she�ll take it�.) and anywhere else is fine, just ask me first Category: POV, humor Pairing(s): Hah, hah, STILL haven�t named it yet! Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only. This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author. Anyway, I�m just a poor college student. So can I play with them? I promise I won�t break them�... much. Rating: PG Warnings: Duo rant, one or two bad words Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!! Ladydarkangel_1 @ yahoo.com (ignore the spaces); any and all comments are welcome like the sweet ego-sustainers they are. Well, I did it. We are now officially a family. Sometimes, I question my mental state in making that decision. I had to be NUTS in thinking this would work! What in the HELL was I smoking?! And why can�t I find any when I really *need* it?! Tell me about it. But then again, considering where YOU work, you�re one to talk. I know, I know, that was uncalled for. I�m sorry, it�s just��. AAGGGHHHHH!!!!!! I�m just so�� They�re taking over my life. They�re ruining everything I worked so hard for, years worth of work and sweat and tears. They�ve shattered all my illusions about life and family and the way these things are supposed to work. They�re driving me crazy. They�re a menace to society and braided bakas in particular. They refuse to act their ages. They are my living punishment from a vengeful God for all of my sins, past and future. They make me want to cry and tear my braid off at the roots. I�m at the end of my rope. �����..Oh well��. At least the kids are having fun. I swear, between Heero and Wufei, I�m gonna go bald. One-way ticket to Kojackville. They�re pushy and whiny and bossy and self-righteous and hardheaded and know-it-alls and God forbid you disobey them or do something they don�t approve of because they will LOOK you into submission! I�ve lost control of my household. I no longer make decisions�� About ANYTHING!! Last time we went shopping, Heero absolutely refused to let me get some chocolate! *Any* kind of chocolate! And he had the nerve to justify it with the paper-thin excuse about me being too hyper, and it being a bad influence on the kids. Geez. Just �cause we spilt a 3 lb. bag of M&M�s once and played hockey with the hamster balls for three hours. Honestly! They were empty (like I�d do that to my beloved pets!) and the kids were GOOD at it! Huh. Maybe we should look into Pee Wee Hockey soon�� Anyways, Wu and Hee-chan are gonna make me snap. I mean, come on, *fold* my underwear?! Isn�t that a tad bit obsessive? Of course, these are the same people who objected to my idea about a Sock Bin, where all the socks and personal stuff would go in when it came up from the wash. I got two horrified stares and accusations of laziness and lunacy for my brilliant idea. Dai and Van liked it; it�s less work for the washer and no more sorting problems. Wu nearly died of a nosebleed the last time I asked him if those were his underwear! Genius is *so* under-appreciated�� Quatre and Trowa are no better. When I went for a midnight walk last month in my robe and silk jammies, Q nearly had an epileptic fit. Don�t know why. Was dressed decently, it was a beautiful night and all I did was walk! The neighbors thought it was cool�� They were cheering and whistling�� And there was a really nice picture of me in the paper the next day! Didn�t realize how sexy I looked in my silks and they were red, not black, too! I would have taken Dai and Van but it was WAY too cold for them and I didn�t want them to catch anything. I don�t care what the others say; when it comes down to it, I can say no to those emerald babies if they�re gonna get hurt in some way. I *am* a good father, you know! Trowa thinks I�m a complete pushover. Just �cause he had to come get us from P. Dengos� Diner the one time they talked me into Belgian waffles with the works for dinner and we were too sick to walk home. So I spoil �em. They deserve to be spoiled. Hey! Nobody yells at Q or Wu or Tro or Hee-chan for spoilin� them rotten! Even MM down at P. Dengos� gets away with giving them free sundaes (yes, plural) for being cute. Then again, I get free sundaes too, so I�m not complaining. We love P. Dengos�. It�s our fav restaurant, hands down. The others don�t like it for some reason. I think Q�s exact phrasing was �what a dive�. They�re just being contrary. And HIM�� He just�� He�s there and I�m there and he doesn�t�� Don�t get me started on him. I�m trying *very* hard not to think of him because right now I don�t care how much I like him, I�ll probably try and beat the living shit out of him and�� No, suffice it to say I haven�t made my move yet. Or any move. The way things are going, we�ll kill each other before it comes to that. Yes, I�m aware that I�m a coward. The kids think so too. Can we get back to the main subject now? I don�t want to talk about this anymore. Thanks. Where was I? Oh yes�� The guys are just jealous. That�s all. Dai and Van are my kids. MINE! I�m willing to share, but after all I am their�� Hell, what *am* I anyways? Father, brother, playmate, caretaker, occasional yelling-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-like-a-maniac parental type? Well, whatever I am, the position is filled. They�re welcome to be the auxiliary help, but damnit, I�m the man of this house and I�ll be a balding, near-sighted, fat middle-aged codger before they get my spot! I love those kids. My kids. And they love me. End of story. Close the file, shutdown the laptop and pull the plug �cause you�re through. The guys don�t stand a chance in hell of stealing their affections away. Not even HIM. So they settled for stealing my sanity and authority. Vengeful bastards. And thus I find myself in the quandary that is now. My friends are quite effectively causing me to go psycho and I�m losing the war on the homefront. My only defense against this vicious onslaught is two tiny terrors and my own sense of humor. If they think I�m going down easy, then they�ve got another thing coming! We give at least as good as we get and the great thing for them is that no self-respecting adult can retaliate against a poor widdle defenseless kid. Sure, it means that I get all of the vengeance aimed my way but I figure I�m tough and am vaguely sure I can survive it. It�s good training for the twins anyways. They need all the practice they can get in to succeed in annoying the hell out of their Uncles. I�m pleased to say that Dai and Van are more talented then I ever dreamed to hope for. That bit about the crayons, stray dogs and flooding the bathroom was pure genius. My kids are so smart�� It�s not *their* fault Q�s allergic to lavender. It�s not like they were trying to murder him or anything, it was an honest mistake! And now we know what to threaten him with when we want to get our way. It�s all good. No, we are not evil. We are rambunctious. Get it right or don�t insult us at all. So, that�s it. Us versus them. In *this* corner, the Trio of Terrific Trouble-makers and Tremulous Tear-causing Terrors, ex-Gundam pilot extraordinaire Duo Maxwell and his fabulous mini-marvels, Delavan and Daisuke! And in *this* corner, those Strenuous, Stuffy, Strict, Stifling, Soporific Sons-of-a-bitch themselves, the *other* Gundam pilots! Now touch gloves, wait for the bell and come out swinging! Ready, BEGIN!!! Thank you, I thought it was a nice set-up too. You know, you�re one of the few people I know who I can count on to appreciate grandiose verbosity like that. We *will* stand firm in the face of adversity. We have the inalienable right to unlimited chocolate when we want it, late night games of Pillow Tag and World War-scaled water balloon fights that wreck the flower bed Wu spent three hours on with fear of imminent death by over-bearing mothering. These God-given rights will not fall down before the immense domestic tyranny confronting us. Should we die for the cause, it will be a hard, drawn-out, over-dramatized struggle where we will attempt to take as many of them with us as humanly possible. But this is going to be a problem because we will NOT fail! Now, if you�ll excuse me, Pargan, I need to go find my hockey mask, some gum and a roll of duct tape. Oh, and give Relena the heads up for me, will ya? If this goes down the way I think it will, she�ll have three refugees seeking asylum on her doorstep tonight. Hell, if we hurry, we might make it in time for dinner! What�cha having? ��Um, we don�t need to pack, do we? Our stuff�s still there from last time? Cool. See you at six. Dai and Van send their love. Now it�s off to war! ~ Owari ~ Like? Want more? Write me! I miss C&C! Lady DarkAngel ---------- Lady Protector of POVs in Hentai Onna-Gumi Moderator of Duo's Sugar Intake Keeper of Duo's Nice Rear-end Keeper of Heero's Homicidal Intentions Want the rest? Whole sig�s at my site! Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library www.geocities.com/ladydarkangel_1/index.html |