| @.@ My new job�s been�� interesting so far. My manager managed to break her ankle ten minutes into my first shift, I had to wait on the legendary Three Holy Terrors for FOUR and a half hours with a dumb smile plastered on my face and watch as my brains dribbled out my ears, we had a GIGANTIC flour fight and I got to save a cute co-worker from cracking his skull on the wet floor. Oh, and little old dyscalculic me (number dyslexic) can run the register! CORRECTLY! And got tips for it! Besides busting my ass, I kinda like it�� it just leaves me tired as hell afterwards since I got the night shift. But that�s not important, the story is and that�s why you�re here�� BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The plot thickens! Yare-yare, I know, �*What* plot?!� There *is* a point to this story (at least I think there is) and we�re finally done establishing stuff and ready to get to more interesting matters. Like the angst and romance bit people have been threatening me with death about. I had a little trouble with the part and will most likely revise it at some point because I�m not totally satisfied with how it came out�� �Voices� is by Russ Ballard. I�ll be highly surprised if anyone under 21 or who hasn�t watched Miami Vice recognizes it. Still, strongly recommended as it is lightly angsty music and a lovely, slightly haunting melody. I have it if anyone wants to hear it�� Dedicated to my new online imouto, A-chan! And my previous one, Misuzu as well. *does happy dance* I have an online family now! Title: Soft Beginnings 3/? (Book Three in the Stumbling Steps Arc) Author: Lady DarkAngel [email protected] Archive: Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html, Darkflame�s (if she�ll take it�.) and anywhere else is fine, just ask me first Category: Yaoi, angst, sap Pairing(s): 3x4, 1+2 (Finally!) Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only. This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author. Anyway, I�m just a poor college student. So can I play with them? I promise I won�t break them�... much. Rating: PG-13 (to be safe) Warnings: Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!! Ladydarkangel_1@yahoo; any and all comments are welcome like the sweet ego-sustainers they are. In the course of his young, short and gravely troubled life, Heero had found much to cause him to seriously doubt the concept of a Higher Deity. He had many varied and concrete reasons to challenge the belief, with all he had ever seen and done as good solid proof of his just misgivings, but the major beef he was having today was with the nearly universal and obviously untrue notion that God was supposed to be a kind and merciful soul who actually cared about you. Enough to protect you from the evils and trials of the world at large. Whoever came up with that either LIED through his rotten, cavity-filled, plaque-plagued teeth�� or never met Duo Maxwell. Because no loving God could ever knowingly inflict such a torture on him and be able to sleep at night. That braided menace was in a rare form indeed. After having apparently pissed off the American (he still wasn�t sure how he managed it this time), Heero found himself to be on the worst �unlucky� streak he�d had since he met the boy. It seemed every single time he got up to do something the research required, he was covered in some sort of sticky substance that wouldn�t wash off, was turned a different color on some location of his body, attacked by flying projectiles of differing weights or having the files he was currently working on mysteriously deleted off his computer in front of his very eyes. If he was lucky enough to avoid any of those options, he was being harassed by prank phone calls and unsolicited sexual offers online. He eventually figured out that they were NOT Duo making them per se, but a quick phone trace indicated that they were originating from a bar called Rumors. How in the hell Duo had managed to convince a perfect stranger to scribble, �I�m hot, sexy, Japanese and wearing skimpy spandex. If you�d like to find out why (or are just curious), call 825-9972 or spandex_freak@ soldiers.com and ask for Heero� was beyond him. He decided it was safer to stay in their room. Noon came and went and Duo never showed. But since he was probably too busy thinking up the next torment to get the Wing Zero pilot with then to read the material, that was understandable. A few extra hours wasn�t that big of a delay, especially when the delays to his own work were taken into account. The cobalt-eyed boy, not particularly eager to seek out his enraged and merciless partner, decided to wait till 3:00 PM in order to facilitate the maximum amount of time to recuperate and get up to mission standards. No later. Content that it was sufficient to accomplish their mission, he returned to his laptop after testily explaining to the jackass on his cellular phone that a �Craven Moorehead� (1) was not available to talk. Work went by faster then expected but yielded little in the way of success. They were still no closer to the answer then before, even if more variables had been correctly determined and the equations were closer to the desired output. All in all, they were still just numbers. What they needed was solid results. Getting stuck on a difficult section of equations gave him a badly needed excuse to take a breather. And notice that it was well past the deadline he had mentally set. Glaring at the red digital readouts of the clock-radio that proudly stated 5:39 PM, he got up to look for the AWOL pilot. AGAIN. This was getting far too repetitive for his tastes. He supposed he�d have to do something about that. What was it with that boy that he felt the need to wander off at the drop of a gunclip? Nobody can be THAT bored! Assuming the baka was probably NOT at his station doing work, he avoided the hanger area altogether. It just wasted valuable search time. The living room and kitchen were unusually empty, and there was no one in any of the other rooms in the house. He even tried the bathroom he found Duo in earlier, vaguely hoping he would catch the moron staring into the mirror again like a loon. There was a strange feeling in the air and Heero started to become agitated. This was ridiculous. Duo was causing unnecessary turmoil and strife that was counterproductive and damned irritating as well. But the pranks had stopped some time ago and not a peep was heard from the vengeful boy. There was something slightly�� ominous about all that and he didn�t like it one bit. Still, it�s best to face the lion in its den so he continued his search outdoors. Duo had a bizarre love of open spaces and nature in general that he couldn�t fathom so it was reasonable to assume that he might be out here slacking off instead of doing it inside. Sure enough, he picked up on the baka�s trail quickly the same way he did before; faint singing reached his ears and he followed the sound. It seems the American likes to express himself in what he hopes is a lyrical way. But Heero frowned. This music was different and it took him a while to place why. It was�� well, not exactly depressing but damned close to it. The melody was darker, more introspective. The beat was far from driving but it was strangely captivating and the eerie tone made his heart change its rhythm. If he listened close enough, he could swear he heard the actual music to accompany the accapella rendition. Following the sound of the still indistinct words, he began to walk through the brush surrounding the safehouse. They grew stronger the closer he came, and Heero was flooded with a sense of d�j� vu as he listened to that voice sing for the second time that day. {If you could see my mind Really look deep inside And maybe you�ll find That somewhere there will be a place Hidden behind my comedian face} <Nani?> Why was Duo singing this? It wasn�t cheerful or light-hearted at all and it was so unlike him to visibly indulge in the darker side of life unless he was feeling pretty damn low. Heero felt a sudden sharp stab of guilt. Duo hadn�t been like that earlier this morning. He wasn�t sad or upset till the violet-eyed boy had talked to him. Therefore, it must be related to Heero somehow. But what did he do besides make the baka work? How did he cause the normally happy-go-lucky boy to sing something that�� sounded suspiciously much more like an honestly spoken truth then plain and simple lyrics to him. He found himself stopping to listen to the words themselves and found them making an unsettling sense. <It�s true. Duo does hide behind a mask of laughter more often then I think he�d want to admit to. We all see that and deal with the joker on a daily basis but have we ever tried to see what was *under* it? Do we want to know? Are we even strong enough to break past the wall of jokes and pranks to view the true Duo hidden behind it?> {You will find somewhere there�s a house And inside that house there�s a room Locked in the room in the corner, you see A voice is waiting for me To set it free I got the key I got the key Voices, I hear voices} Voices? Duo heard voices? Actually, physical voices in his mind? That can�t be good. <But then again, so do I��> he mused, remembering the strange voice that had spoke to him when Duo was so very sick. It had told him things he didn�t know but believed in instinctively. He had never heard it or anything like it before that day but it was still there in the back of his consciousness, not lurking so much as resting. It knew things and what to do and it sounded familiar�� like a part of himself but not. He didn�t fear it for some odd reason, even though his training had been strict in stating that disembodied voices should NOT just appear on a regular basis. �He�� hears voices? Hai. We�� hear voices.� He said aloud quietly. �What kind of voice does Duo hear? Is it like mine? And why would it need to be free?� He unconsciously wandered a little closer. �Does he know what it is?� If he did, maybe he would know what Heero�s voice was, why it spoke to him so gently that day and how knew what it knew. <Should I ask him? I know it�s just a song to him, something he�s singing to waste time and has no real meaning, but�� but he *does* sound like he knows what he�s talking about�� and that maybe it�s not just a song to him. Maybe he can help like he did before��> {In my head, the voice is waiting Waiting for me to set it free I locked it inside my imagination But I�m the one that�s got the combination So people didn�t like what the voice did say So I took the voice and I locked it away But I got the key I got the key Voices, I hear voices Voices, I hear voices} Heero nodded. Yes, that sounded familiar indeed. The voice spoke things that vaguely upset him. He could understand the need to seal them away where they wouldn�t disturb anyone or interfere with life. It was better that way, even if the strange voice had knowledge he didn�t. Such things were rare for a reason. Namely, that hearing someone in your head other then yourself tends to be a signal that there is something very WRONG with you. So locking it away is a good thing�� right? Because the song kept implying that it was imprisoned against it�s will and that having the key was the good thing. Why would possessing the means to free a dangerous and disturbing force be something to be proud of? Was the voice then something that was simply deemed dangerous and removed because it was a potential obstacle? Did someone do as the song said and decided there was something about Duo that needed to be locked away? Because someone did that to him. Ghosts of memories floated before him. Before the training, he could smile freely. He remembered that much. But now�� He knew that his training had cost him. He�d be a fool to think otherwise. But it was only when reality sent a glaring searchlight on his faults that he even stopped to think about them. When the truth showed he was lacking in places everyone else on the planet possessed. <Do I miss them that much? Do I miss them at all? ��No. I first noticed that they were gone when I had Duo to compare to. It was only then that I realized that I was not�� perfect. Perfect means complete and I am far from that.> It hurt to admit it, even to himself. Was someone trying to hurt Duo like that? Was someone trying to take a part of his partner and seal it away for reasons no normal person could hope to understand? That Duo could hope to understand? That would not be allowed. He�d kill the insolent bastard we�d even DARE to think that they had that right or privilege to mess with the baka. His baka, his American, his partner. Not even the scientists had that right. No one but Duo can change him. But what if�� what if it *was* Duo who locked it away? What would he do then? {Don�t look back Look straight ahead Don�t turn away, the voice it said Don�t look back Yesterday�s gone Don�t turn away You can take in on} The strange words washed over him as he reeled back in shock. <That sounds�� like�� something I would say��> The stark truth and sound advice they carried did little to cover their harsh and frigid nature. To deny one�s past, to treat it as nothing more then heresy on the wind in order to face the future unchallenged�� was what Wufei would term the worst cowardice and injustice. To be foundationless and rootless in a world where everything is breakable and war claims nothing as valuable�� that can only lead to disaster. It is true that a soldier must be strong to survive and be victorious, but as Duo had shown him, the past can be a basis for enormous strength. Fighting for or because of something you once knew was a powerful incentive. A force like that is not one to discount in a war where you are outnumbered hundreds to one; if anything, it should be considered a welcomed ally. It was true that emotions can bring weakness and distraction, but it was so with any untrained ability. The proper training techniques would ensure that a soldier had control of this potentially dangerous power and was still able to utilize it to the fullest advantage. So why was it trained out of him? Why was he denied a past to fight for; only given an ideal future to believe in? What possible reason could they have for doing it, other then being based on false reasoning? What kind of fool was J to ignore this possible strength in his Perfect Soldier? And what kind of fool did it make him to finally realize this now after all this time? What kind of cold-hearted ignorant bastard was he that he couldn�t see himself for what he was, but Duo could? He had a flash of memory, the strange dream he had during Duo�s (and his) hospital stay not too long ago. The imaginary American�s silently insistent message, the one he couldn�t hear or understand, the one that caused his partner to vanish because of delivery failure�� was this it? Was he so blind that a message Duo had been giving him for some time was just registering? Was the Duo�s silent voice in his dream and the quiet one in the back of his mind the same thing, speaking to him the same words and content? <It all comes down to voices��> {Voices, I hear voices Voices, I hear voices Don�t look back Look straight ahead Don�t turn away, the voice it said Don�t look back Yesterday�s gone Don�t turn away You can take in on} Duo�s soft voice trailed off into the gathering darkness. The silence that followed was more then Heero could bear at this point. Too much information, too many new thoughts and feelings were assaulting him for him to think clearly. His mind a swirl of confusion, he instinctively retreated from the mass of recently arrived emotion and concepts to fall back on what he�d always known. The Soldier rose to the front of his consciousness and it demanded that the cause of this internal strife be found and dealt with. <Ryoukai. Find Duo.> He marched through the underbrush with his usual sense of purpose. He stopped when he came to a large tree with several wide, semi-low-hanging branches. Duo was perched on one, his legs dangling into thin air as he leaned against the trunk and studied the sky above him. There was a lingering air of melancholy introspection that didn�t sit well with the Japanese boy at all. He roughly cleared his throat to let the other pilot know he was there. As he suspected, Duo hadn�t sensed his approach and jumped involuntarily. Whirling around to see what was good enough to scare him, amethyst orbs noted his partner and relaxed. �Aa. You. Ready to drag me back now, ne?� �You�ve been shirking your duty.� �And what are you basing that on? The fact that I managed to annoy you all day? Give me some credit, Heero; I can multitask just as well as you can.� �Hn. That I doubt very much. Did you come up with anything?� Duo turned his head and gave him a measuring glance. �Heero, what do you think about the idea of karma?� �Nani?� Confused and more then a little irritated, he snapped, �What does that have to do with this?� �Just answer the question. Have you even ever thought about it? Why what happens to us happens and what meaning things might have in the larger picture of history and life?� �Duo�� did you have another iced cappuccino? Because you sounded like this the last time you came down from one��� (2) The American sighed. �No. What I mean is, have you ever done something or been involved in something that�s come back to haunt you? Something from your past to cloud your future?� �Yes.� The quiet declaration seemed to be enough as Duo stopped questioning him and went back to voicing his musings aloud, almost as if the Wing Zero pilot wasn�t there. �And what if it was a second chance? We get those sometimes. A chance to fix a mistake�� a sin�� that we either wouldn�t or couldn�t before. What do we do then? Should we be grateful for the opportunity? Or be upset that the painful parts of our lives are brought back for scrutiny and revision? Do we take what�s offered? At what price? And can an action now really make right one from before?� The almost dark quality of the normally irrepressible tone nearly made Heero shiver. This wasn�t Duo. And yet this wasn�t Shinigami, either. Unsure of what to do, he decided that focusing on mission parameters would return them to familiar ground. After all, the mission did come first�� �Were you or were you not successful in your work today? Did you determine a weak point in the reason or math?� �Did better then that.� �Did you come up with a theory then? Something we can postulate with and send back to the scientists?� Duo uttered a soft, dark chuckle. �Oh, I can do ya one better. How �bout I give ya the answer?� �Answer? You figured out how to do it? How to make it work? Already?� Heero sounded highly skeptical. �Yep. It wasn�t the method, it was the materials. The system and math is fine; can use some tweaking but there�s not much more you can get out of it. You really need a new juice to make it run better. Better materials yield better results.� �And I suppose you happen to know a better choice?� The sarcasm was fairly dripping from the Wing Zero�s pilot�s icy tone. If this was another joke, he�d rip off that braid and choke him to death with it. �As a matter of fact, I do.� Duo locked distressed violet eyes on Heero�s face. �But I wish I didn�t. Oh Lord, I wish I didn�t.� (TBC��) *chants softly to self* I�m evil�� I�m evil�� Now, who wants to write me and make me explain myself? I really do have a VERY good reason for leaving it here�.. (1) *snickers* Pronounce it out loud to get the joke. One of the best prank calls I�ve ever heard�� (2) I speak from personal experience. That�s one hell of a high and an even worse down. You tend to get�� strange. Especially if they�re professionally made. Note to self: don�t sample the wares. Lady DarkAngel ---------- �Neesan to Misuzu and A-chan Chibi Duo's Babysitter Moderator of Duo's Sugar Intake Keeper of Duo's Nice Rear-end Co-Keeper of Shinigami's Wings (with Meela) Keeper of Heero's Homicidal Intentions Keeper of Quatre's Teacup Keeper of Trowa's Mask Keeper of Wufei's Sense of Honor Co-Keeper of Duo's Chatter (with Tomanaiya) Co-Keeper of Heero's "Hn" (with Tomanaiya) Co-Writer of Wufei's Rants (with Tomanaiya) Leader of the Inspirationally-challenged Muses: Alisande, Rynvi, and Kiagara Co-Keeper of real-life hamsters named Heero Yuy (Hee-chan) and Shinigami Eagle Vision (Shini Eagle)(with Tomanaiya) Keeper of the Hit List Proud Owner of two sets of chibis: Chibi Angel Duo and Heero in leather (twins of Tomanaiya's) and Chibi Angel Duo and Heero in black flight gear with stripes from the final GW episodes Acting GOD in Charge of The Anime Muse Adoption Center and WSCT of the AMAC Proud member of SDDI, the Society of Defending Duo's Intelligence Member of the Society Against the Complete Bastardization of Heero Yuy Occupant of the Happy Hentai House Master Hacker of the Shinigami Organization Assistant Mob Psychologist for the Shinigami Organization Founding Member of Saa-EEP!!! Happy to be a member of the DuoML Member of 1x2, 2x1 Fan Club and ML Many more MLs but you don't want to know... Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html |