| OK, I would like to state here and now that the following events happened in real life. Repeat, happened in real life. To me, specifically. I just finished working as housekeeper/laundress and�� Well, let�s just say some people are glad to see me go. *NO*, I didn�t do everything below. I can take credit for only one and I�ll let you guess which one, hehehehe�. The point is, I saw some much incriminating stupidity involving laundry that I could that a blackmailing business. Even the most professional of us has made a blunder or two. Some continue to make them�.. I dedicate this story to the most inspiring of these individuals (who�d kill me if she ever found out I did this). I also blame my usually silent muse Rynvi, who up and smacked me with the idea for this after witnessing an interesting scene involving a bucket of laundry soap and an AutoVac�.. Warnings: OOC. There is no other way to put it. They are just *NOT* themselves today� Um, no real relationships but 1x2 and 3x4 parings are mentioned. Angst, anger, frustration, stupidity and silliness abound. Wonton destruction of inmate objects and people�s sanity (including this author�s). Told from Quatre�s POV because he�s o easy to work with when I need to mentally torture somebody�.. And that�s all I have to say about that. C&C craved like a pocky addict in the middle of a health-food convention. ---------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only. This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author. (Besides, I'm just a poor college student. I'm not worth your time. Really!) ---------------------------------------------------------- Laundry Day By Lady DarkAngel 8/9/00 �Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!� That was not a *good* sound but unfortunately had been occurring a lot today�.. Quatre sighed as he got up to see *WHAT* was wrong with *WHO* now. The shriek repeated itself, shriller this time and followed by fluent cussing in both Japanese and English. <Aa. That would be Duo then.> He headed towards the bank of washing machine in the oversized laundry this particular estate of his had. The Sandrock pilot groaned deeply. This had not *been* the safe house they�d chosen; they were forced to stop here due to the risk of detection from the unexpectedly heavy OZ troops deployment in the area. Consequently this estate had been abandoned; *nobody* had been found after extensive searches of the grounds. They had shrugged it off as no big deal. After all, weren�t they soldiers? They could take care of themselves� Or so they thought. Lunch had been rough enough. No one was talking to each other, particularly Trowa and Duo. The former had accidentally set fire to Duo�s braid while trying to light the stove. The American had been furious and it had taken all three of them to pry his hands off Trowa�s throat and restrain him till he calmed down. After he understood that it had *NOT* been deliberate, he offered a sullen apology. But things were nowhere near friendly between them. Wufei�s smart-ass comment about how the braid would make good kindling didn�t help much either. Heero had stepped in to defend his koi and things turned messy. After the scuffle and subsequently doctoring settled down, Quatre suggested laundry as a way to separate the sizzlingly-intense combatants and maybe even get some work done. <Biggest damn baka mistake I ever made.> He groaned loudly. After a long and bitter argument, he finally had talked them into handed over their clothes. Reduced to boxers, the inevitable snickers and comments on Wufei�s �cute bunnie shorts� were countered with furious retorts on �Maxwell�s idiotic smirking yellow-faced people!� Another round of scuffling ensued, only to come to an abrupt halt when everyone stopped to stare at �Yuy�s spandex boxers?!� Needless to say, that didn�t go over to well. He shuddered. They were out of Ace Bandages and industrial-strength painkillers. He sincerely hoped nothing *too* bad had happened�.. When hostilities had ceased (at least for the moment), he separated them. A pathetic attempt for peace, but hey, aren�t they all? Duo was sent to washroom and Trowa to the dryers. Heero was to iron and Wufei fold. He would separate the clothes and all the towels used to clean up the ever-present blood�.. <So simple, ne? There weren�t *that* many things to wash. No more then a ton, I swear? We should have been done in an hour. Three tops.> Instead they�d been in the laundry all day. It was currently 8:37 PM and they had just finished the *first* load! <Kami-sama help me, there must have been at least six!> He turned the corner to the washroom and wrinkled his nose. <What *IS* that smell?! We weren�t that bad! Smells familiar�..smells like��. OH NO!!!!!!> He sped up as he saw dark smoke clouds billowing out of the room. He arrived at a scene that would have been as funny as hell if he were in any mood to laugh. The dryer was on fire. Correction: *dryers*. Three of the seven industrial-sized-a-man-could-clim-in-and-still-have-room-to-strech-in monstrosities were burning merrily away with a fourth looking to join in on the action. Their doors were open and they were still RUNNING! Little bits of�.something�..were being thrown into the air and were floating down to the ground aflame. And from the middle of this chaos and inferno, Quatre heard a resounding chorus of �Are too!� and �Am not!� Choking back a cough, he rushed in to open the few windows this basement deathtrap had and let some precious air in. As soon as he could breathe again, he angrily demanded of the smoke cloud, �OK, what the *HELL* is going *ON* here?!� The cloud revealed two figures that rapidly approached him. Duo and Trowa emerged from the blackness that had swallowed the room. Taking time out of their heated argument to stare slack-jawed at the Sandrock pilot with incredulous looks on their faces. Duo cracked the silence first. �You�� You�.. You *SWEAR*?!?!� �Of course I swear you miserable braided twit!! I oughta kick you square in the�.. Never mind that! Now what in Kami-sama�s name happened here?!� The two pilots frowned, turned and pointed fingers at each other in unison. �*HE* did it!!� they chorused and proceeded to snarl at each other. Quatre grabbed his short hair and nearly yanked it clean off his scalp in frustration. �I didn�t ask for a blame session; I *asked* what happened!� Trowa broke the death glare contest he and Duo had been holding to answer his koi. He was losing anyway; Duo had a *great* teacher�� �The dryers caught fire.� �I can *SEE* that!!!! *WHY*?!?!?!?!?!� �He didn�t clean the lint traps!�, Duo busted in with an evil glare. Trowa returned it. �I told him to! Have you *SEEN* the amount of lint those suckers build up?! Four inches thick, I swear!� �Hn. This wouldn�t have happened if you hadn�t added that stuff and turned it up to full heat!� �NANI?! It�s *not* my fault that QuickDry can�t stand up to nuke temps!� �It says �flammable�, you braided moron!� �Don�t call me that, you uni-banged freak! Besides, it�s the lint that caught fire! Which wouldn�t have happened if you�d done your job and got rid of it in the first place! You�re to blame here, buddy boy!� �Am not!� �Are too!� �NOT!� �TOO!� �NOT times infinity!� �TOO times infinity plus one!� Quatre wanted to smack his head against the wall. Or maybe theirs. Yep, definitely theirs. But before he could commit a satisfying crime that would get him twenty-to-life, he heard another shriek over the impossible loud pair in front of him. <Shimatta, what now?!> Leaving the bickering pilots who were still standing amidst floating bits of lint and laundry, the Arab boy went to find the source of the sound. He found it a few minutes later and had ID�d the individual by their use of Chinese curses and invocation of justice and revenge. <Why do I just*know* this won�t be any good? Maybe I should just walk away�..> Wufei was where Quatre had left him but his face had acquired a definitely unhealthy purplish shade to it and little veins were prominently standing out on his forehead. �What�s wrong with you?� It came out snippy. He had never the time nor inclination to be his normal polite-to-the-point-of-death-or-tooth-decay-which-ever-comes-first. To hell with it, the house was probably burning down right now�� The Chinese boy�s face grew even darker and his mouth worked for a good three minutes before he managed a squeakily outraged, �*THIS*!!!� and held up the cause of his fury. Quatre�s jaw hit the floor. It *was* one of Wufei�s white robes. *WAS* being the operative word. Tears and rents abounded and one of the sleeves dangled by a thin thread. But that was not the cause of his ire. Oh, hell no. Worse had happened; patches, a few stitches and some well-placed surgical tape solve almost anything. But not this. Where there had been once a pristine white was now a bright swirl of colors. Specifically: hot pink, electric yellow, screamin� green and Barney purple. Where the colors met, a muddy brown was formed. It looked as if a mad toddle had gotten a hold of some hippie�s tye-dye machine and finger-paint rejects and went to town. The effect was rather intriguing, really. The Arab boy didn�t know whether to laugh his brains out or run for his life screaming for Mommy. Someone was going to die for this. Very soon. �Wufei, it�s�.. It�s not so bad��� �*KISAMA*!!!!! How *DARE* you lie about such a desecration like this?!?! I swear by Nataku I will have someone�s *hide* for this!!! **INJUSTICE**!!!!!!!!� �Aa. Hai, I know. Are they all like that?� The Shenlong pilot turned furious eyes on him. �Iie. Only mine were colored. Yours just got shredded.� �Nani?!� He rushed over to check. Sure enough, his 100% silk Formalata designer shirts were in tatters. About the only thing left were the lapels and silver buttons. <Ahhhh, k�so! Those things are *expensive*! How the hell am I supposed to find replacements in the boonies in the middle of a war! He�s right! INJUSTICE!> �Why? Damnit. WHY?! Whose�s responsible for this?! Why just us?!� Here Wufei quieted down. With a somber look on his face and an unmistakably terrified gleam in his eyes, he replied, �I don�t know. But you and I aren�t the only ones who will want to know.� He pointed trembling fingers towards a pile of clothes. Strange looking clothes that had a decidedly familiar air to them��. <Masaka. It can�t be.> He felt all the blood drain from his already pale face. Taking a deep gulp, he hesitantly stepped forward to confirm the terrible truth and one of his worst nightmares. There could be no doubt about it. Spandex is a very recognizable substance and nothing looks quite like a tanktop. Quatre sweatdropped and began to pray hard. <Oh, Kami-sama, we are all going to **DIE**��.> Heero�s pride and joys (next to Wing Zero, his gun, that damn laptop of his and Duo, of course) lay on the table, a lovely shade of off-white. <Or is it beige? Ecru, stucco or maybe mother-of-pearl?> he pondered distractedly. <Whatever it is, that is the true color of death. Even if they find our bodies, there won�t be enough of us combined to bury in a sardine can!> He took deep calming breaths to slow down his rapidly beating heart and soothe his frazzled nerves. Good luck there. �OK�. Maybe�.. Wufei!� The Shenlong pilot jumped nine feet in the air. Quatre supposed he too had been contemplating his doom and was understandably jumpy. �Listen to what I say *VERY* carefully. Go to the washroom and get the dye. With any luck, we�ll have some colors close enough to what they were�� We could say they faded in the wash. If you dye them *just* right, we may live to see our next birthdays.�..� He turned to leave when a thought struck him. �Matte. Wufei, you can use bleach on your robes. They won�t be the same white but it� better then��well, that. Oh, and can you see if Duo and Trowa put out the fire yet? I�ll go check on Heero and stall him for a bit.� There was about a matchstick�s chance in hell that it would work. But Gundam pilots don�t surrender. That�s part of the problem�� He left a confused-looking Wufei behind who was silently mouthing the word �fire?� before he shook his head, apparently deciding he didn�t want to know. The Sandrock pilot carefully and cautiously approached the room that held the aforementioned homicidal pilot. He peeked his head in and when nothing bad immediately happened, the rest of his body followed suit. Heero was standing in the middle of an enormous steam cloud, ironing with the same stoic expression he wore when OZ-related people and machines to high Heaven with a round-trip ticket to Hell. The blonde quietly walked up with the air of a man going to his grave. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke. �So, Heero�� Um, how�s it going?� �Ninmu kanryou� was all he got. Quatre sweatdropped yet again and looked around the room. <Hm, everything looks OK�. Oh, look at the cute little baby turtleneck! I wonder who�s it is�..> He stopped, blinked and squinted. <It looks really familiar.> Stepped up and ran it through his fingers. <Feels familiar too. Oh my�..is that Trowa�s?!> He stared in horror at his koi�s beloved now-miniature turtleneck. <So not good. This is so *NOT* good! The only person whose clothes have escaped so far is Duo.> The second he thought it, he just knew he jinxed it. Sure enough, Heero was ironing Duo�s imitation-priest�s outfit. An outfit with very large and noticeable score marks and burn holes all over it. There was little to no hope of saving it. <That would explain the empty look on his face. He gets that right before he *knows* it�s all over�..> The Sandrock pilot slowly leaned against the wall, slid down in and began to smack the back of his head against that unyielding surface. That about the best made plans of man and Gundam pilot going astray�.. And that�s when the screaming started. **AGAIN.** Much louder this time. He wasn�t sure he had the strength to get up but when he saw Heero move to investigate, he stood up. Better to die on one�s feet and in the presence of friends. He felt he owed it to them to be there at their deaths�. He had this nagging feeling *no one* was going to be left standing after all this��. Following the Wing Zero pilot to the laundry (where else?), he was treated to the sight of three multi-colored professional terrorists screaming at each other like two-year-olds in sandbox surrounded by suds, destroyed clothing and still burning bits of whatever. <Well, at least we got out on a scene�.> He was vaguely amused as a green-and-blue-Duo-covered-in-yellow-bubbles-with-matching-purple-braid dumped a bucket of used bleach over a red-and-pink-speckled-with-brown-stripes-Wufei�s head. The enraged Shenlong pilot took a swing at him but missed and socked a yellow-and-pink-with-green-unibang-Trowa square in the jaw. Thus began the free-for-all. The two non-colored pilots merely watched for a minute or two. Then Heero shrugged. �Ninmu ryoukai.� And he joined the battle already in progress. Quatre sighed and wasn�t paying attention until he was rudely grabbed and dragged into the fray. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Sally Po looked at her five patients with utter bewilderment and a little disgust. <Honestly, you�d think trained terrorists would be able to survive on their own for a little while but *NOOOOO*!> Along with the Manganacs, she had arrived at the safehouse where they assumed the pilots had been forced to take refuge in. There they had found the objects of their search laying on the floor in the basement laundry. Beaten up beyond belief and in need of some immediate and severe medical attention. Covered in dyes of an astonishingly disgusting array of colors and bubbles galore and flaming bits of what could possibly have been lint littered about them. Oh, yes, and they were in their boxers. None of them had answered her questions when they had awakened and now all five were currently sulking up in the ICU. Most notably Quatre. <Oh, well. No big deal.> She went inside. �How are we feeling today?� Dirty looks all around. �OK, how about telling me what happened back there?� The evil eye graced them all with its presence in stereo. She sighed. �All right then. Have it you way.� She turned to leave but then stopped. �Oh boys, could you do the housekeeping staff a big favor and gather your dirty laundry up? They�re a little short today and�..� Sally Po was unprepared for the violent death glares sent way and had the sinking suspicion they were painting a mental bull�s eyes on her forehead. She sweatdropped. Was it something she said? ~ ~ Owari ~ ~ What can I say? Reality inspires art. Wish some of it hadn�t happened, though. I got the blame for one and nuns are not pretty when they are pissed, let me tell you that. That address is [email protected], folks. We have someone waiting for your call��. Lady DarkAngel ---------- Chibi Duo's Babysitter Moderator of Duo's Sugar Intake Keeper of Duo's Nice Rear-end Co-Keeper of Shinigami's Wings (with Meela) Keeper of Heero's Homicidal Intentions Keeper of Quatre's Teacup Keeper of Trowa's Mask Keeper of Wufei's Sense of Honor Co-Keeper of Duo's Chatter (with Tomanaiya) Co-Keeper of Heero's "Hn" (with Tomanaiya) Co-Writer of Wufei's Rants (with Tomanaiya) Leader of the Inspirationally-challenged Muses: Alisande, Rynvi, and Kiagara Co-Keeper of a real-life hamster named Heero Yuy (Hee-chan)(with Tomanaiya) Keeper of the Hit List Acting GOD in Charge of The Anime Muse Adopiton Center and WSCT of the AMAC Proud member of SDDI, the Society of Defending Duo's Intelligence Member of the Society Against the Complete Bastardization of Heero Yuy Occupant of the Happy Hentai House Master Hacker of the Shinigami Organization Assisstant Mob Psychologist for the Shinigami Organization Happy to be a member of the DuoML Member of 1x2, 2x1 Fan Club and ML Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html |