| Relatively short part (mostly dialogue) and OT notes here. One: I�m severely short on time because it is once again it�s time for midterm evaluations. And since my advisor is the Dean of my department�� Even though I�m doing well and much better then last semester, please pray for me. She�s one tough cookie and has a history of flunking kids right and left. Two: Thanks to those who responded to my pic plea. I owe you all a debt of gratitude. This one is dedicated to you. And I will add your pics to my site as soon as I can. Three: Due to popular request, I�m writing another story to follow The Time to Tell. It�s called Our Tree and it�s the proposal scene. But since Time took me three months, I may post this in parts instead of all together. And the series has a name now. Yaritori, the Letter Series. Nice, ne? Four: I announce the founding of an arc. Stumbling Steps is hereby born, with Book 1 being A Gesture of Kindness and Book 2 is A Way to Heal. Book 3 is on is way as soon as I get more free time and finish this one. Wise (or wise-ass, depending on who you ask) Wufei in here spouting what may appear to be nonsense. But it has a point to it. It *DOES*! I do that to my sister all the time and it works about 60% of it. So please no flames on his incoherency. He�s doing it on purpose. ^_^ Arigato and now back to your semi-regular scheduled fic. Title: A Way to Heal 7/10? Author: Lady DarkAngel [email protected] Archive: Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html, Darkflame�s (if she�ll take it�.) and anywhere else is fine, just ask me first Category: Yaoi, angst, sap Pairing(s): 3x4, 1+2 eventually (I�ma getting� there, don�t rush me!) Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only. This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author. Anyway, I�m just a poor college student. So can I play with them? I promise I won�t break them�... much. Rating: PG Warnings: At this point, minor angst and sap, possible OOC for Duo in this part but I doubt it Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!! [email protected]; any and all comments are welcome like the sweet ego-sustainers they are. Wufei was being cautious. Even though peace seemed to have been declared a few days earlier, tensions still ran high throughout the safehouse. This time, however, most of it was coming from Yuy, not Maxwell. Whatever had occurred between them seemed to mellow the American�s unusually fierce temperament of late and had returned him to some semblance of his normal baka self. And they all were grateful. Heero was another matter. He�d been acting�� distracted lately. Like there was something weighing heavily enough on his mind to affect his daily behavior in a manner noticeable to others. That meant it was serious indeed. After observing this continuing trend for several days as it appeared to grow worse, he weighed the value of his life and desire to live against his duty. Damned duty won and he decided to do something. He watched as Heero emerged from Duo�s room silently. A swift check of the clock indicated that is was time for Duo�s 3 o�clock feeding. The Japanese boy still insisted on a rigid regimen of strict bed-rest, inactivity and healthy foods for his patient. Despite his whines over the �degrading� treatment he was receiving, the baka didn�t seem to mind being fed his favorite foods (modified of course) every three hours on the dot. The shrill childish protestations that accompanied the rest of Yuy�s ministrations were suspiciously absent during mealtime. He suspected that Duo actually enjoyed being brought dinner in bed. And knowing what little he did of the braided boy�s background, Wufei wasn�t surprised at this reaction to unexpected pampering. While he frequently played the part of the fool, Maxwell was no one to underestimate. Through inference and some subtle clue collecting, they had deduced he�d had an extremely hard life with troubles they�d never had to experience. The one reliable fact they knew of, that he once lived on the streets for a good many years, supported that fact. The garrulous boy was almost anally tight-lipped about himself when questioned and deflected it skillfully to some other topic. He kept the inner part of himself, the one with a past, far from their eyes and reach. So whatever he told Yuy to make him like this must be truly disturbing�� The Japanese boy made his way down the hall towards the kitchen to clean off the dishes on the tray he carried. He seemed as stolid as always. But it was a lie. Quatre had been extremely upset when he�d come flying into the den that night 5 days ago, tears streaming down his cheeks and paler then any human should be while still breathing. It had taken Trowa over an hour to calm him into coherency. Then they discovered that the blonde had been foolish to provoke Duo to tears in Heero�s vicinity. Truly a stupid move, even before Duo fell ill. The hysterical Arabian had mentioned that Duo had saved him from Heero�s wrath by indicating that �he wanted to talk.� That is one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language. And subsequently, the strange behavior started. A peculiar distraction that seemed to make the cobalt-eyed boy more distant and cranky each day. Whatever Duo said musta been a whopper to do this. Heero entered the kitchen and running water was heard for a few minutes. Then it was silent and he re-emerged, grim look firmly in place. Wufei gathered up his courage, thoughts and luck and got up from his chair. He placed himself slightly in Heero�s path, a clear indication he wanted to be noticed and wanted something. The Wing Zero pilot ignored him and continued on down the hall that lead to the hanger, roughly knocking him in the shoulder as he went past. It was obvious the first step was up to Wufei; the other boy didn�t even acknowledge his presence. This was going to be every bit as difficult as he had feared. Preparing himself mentally, he called out in his most commanding voice that he hoped would reach him. �Yuy.� He stopped but didn�t turn around. �Aa?� �We need to talk.� �Iie.� Wufei blinked. �I beg your pardon?� �I said no. We have nothing to discuss.� �As Maxwell says, lying is one of the cheapest and nastiest things a person can do to themselves and others. He considers it a part of his personal code to avoid it at all costs. It is an honorable choice. You would do well to emulate that and take it to heart.� �And what is *that* supposed to mean?� Heero bristled. �It means you lie but mostly to yourself. And that does no good and much harm. Talk.� �I said��� �Hai, I know what you *said*. Now I want to hear what you *meant*.� �You make no sense today. You�re just as much a baka as *HE* is.� With that, he began to walk off again. �I will take that as a compliment then.� came the reply. Seeing the Japanese boy still once more, he continued. �It has taken much time and thought, but now I�m beginning to see a method to Maxwell�s madness.� Heero whirled around and pinned him with a glare. Fury flashed in cobalt eyes and an icy tone froze the air. �Duo is not crazy.� Dark eyes flashed with amusement at this particular reaction. �Did I say �crazy�? I distinctly remember saying �mad�. Two different words with different connotations and a world of divergence.� �I�m not going to play semantics with you.� �Pity. I�ve been lacking in practice since Duo fell ill. I was hoping you�d be game since you seem to play with him all the time but�� No matter. There�s an ancient line of thought that he has demonstrated quite clearly for me. That was my intention to convey. And you�re a part of it.� �Like what? �Let sleeping bakas lie?� I don�t think so.� Heero sneered a challenge. Wufei laughed and deliberately misunderstood. �Iie. The concept I�m referring to has nothing to do with lies. But I wouldn�t mind waking one up to see what happens��� At Heero�s nasty glare, he sighed and gave up on banter. It wasn�t going to work. Locking eyes with the Wing Zero pilot, he spoke in a slow, even tone of voice. �This is ancient knowledge, Yuy. But it is one of those things that you must see to truly believe.� Dark messy hair flew as Heero shook his head in impatience. �So what is it?� �Madness is in one and all, the first thing we learn and the last thing we lose. From this madness comes wisdom, which is lessons learned and refined into thought. From wisdom comes power, which is lessons put into actions and experienced. Power cannot exist with this basic madness. It can be tamed, but never mastered. It is the foundation of life. He�s a good example of this. So are you. Do you understand?� �No. Duo�s not nuts. Neither am I.� �Perhaps not in the clinical sense.� He paused and pondered aloud, �But in that way, are any of us sane?� �Now you�re getting philosophical. And I don�t have the time or inclination to get into this.� �Fine then.� The Shenlong pilot grumbled. �Literal bastard, can�t get a metaphor to save his�� Alright, down to the brass tacks then, if you wish.� He paused, took a deep breath and plunged into waters unknown. �Quatre was crying that day.� �So?� �After he came back and told us about what happened, he remained upset. His damned uchuu no koroko was acting up or something.� �I repeat. So?� �So�� Duo�s been relatively quiet since. Quatre's been downright depressed and anxious and it�s not coming from him. Trowa�s just as lost as I am. And you? Let�s just say you�re not your usual Perfect Soldier self.� �It�s none of your concern. Any of yours.� �Quatre�s hounding you, too?� An amusing mental image of Quatre�s patented puppy-eyed gaze beating down Heero�s infamous death glare and the subsequent victory dance flooded his mind. <Must resist��. snicker!> A chuckle at this point would be fatal. �And he�s bothering Duo as well. He doesn�t know when to quit.� The tone indicated that it would be in his best interests, not to mention health, to learn swiftly. �Leave it be.� Cobalt eyes were flashing dangerously. �Can�t. This appears to be affecting all of us. It�s detrimental to the unit�s efficiency as a whole and therefore endangers the mission. Kami-sama save us if we received an assignment right now. We�d all be dead men. We�re not at peak levels. In other words, this is something you should have noticed. These kinds of things aggravate you normally and provoke you to near-whining stage. Yet you remain silent. And it seems to be contributing to the problem.� �There is *no* PROBLEM!!� Wufei was thoroughly shocked. Heero had actually raised his voice! The taciturn boy with the low-pitched tone had bellowed like a bull. This was *serious*! Heero just didn�t yell. He did that frosty thing with his voice and then someone died. Yelling was simply not part of the equation. �Liar. You just shrieked at me. Shrieked, Yuy. What more proof do you need that something is wrong?� The ice gaze locked on to him and coated his spine in frost. �There�s nothing that you can do. So shut up and drop it.� �It�s obvious that you can�t handle it either. You�re not even handling it at all; you�re just avoiding whatever it is. Stop making things worse. This is about Duo, isn�t it?� Heero stiffened. Paydirt. �We�re not going to talk about that.� �So it was something involving him, wasn�t it?� No answer. But then again, he really didn�t need one. A sudden idea came. �Did he swear you to secrecy?� That would make a lot of sense considering. ��� No. But��� came the hesitant reply. �But what he said was something that a friend would know not to speak aloud unless under dire circumstances. He didn�t ask you to keep your mouth shut but you will. Very well then. Honor dictates confidences be kept, whether the actual words of promise are spoken or not. I�ll tell Quatre to lay off, too.� �Arigato.� Wufei offered him a small bow in jest. �Justice and honor are for all. Even for certain loud-mouthed baka�s who wouldn�t know the true meaning of justice if it bit him square in the ass.� <Hopefully, that will lighten the mood a bit.> Heero�s face darkened. <Or not��> Belatedly, he realized that it might not have been the best comment to make right now. <Stupid, Chang��. Just infuriate him further and they�ll be laying bets on how far your head can roll when it�s missing pieces!> �That was uncalled for.� There was no room for doubt in that voice. Agree or die. � A lot in life is uncalled for. Such is its nature. Apologies.� Heero nodded but Wufei could still see traces of anger on his face. The little barb must have struck a nerve. Unusual�� and interesting. �So what�s bothering you? That you can speak of, I mean.� Heero abruptly turned away and studiously began examining the wall. Silence reigned for a few minutes. Just as he was about to give up and leave, Wufei heard a soft voice. He doubted his ears for a second. <That can�t possibly be *his* voice! It sounds so�� small.> �I�� I have a problem.� He paused to take a breath, letting that monumental and unprecedented admission sink in. �Duo told me something. Something that bothers me. I�� I knew he had a bad life as a kid. We all did. It�s part of who we are. We carry around what went before inside us and it shapes us in everyway. Well�� It wasn�t so much *what* he said as said as opposed to *how* he said it. As if he were ashamed of himself. As if what had happened was a normal occurrence but still his fault somehow. We�ve all done things�� we�re not proud of. That we wish we could make vanish from the pages of history. But what he said�� none of it was his fault. He shouldn�t feel guilty about any of it. He shouldn�t feel worthless because of it.� Wufei offered gently, �Children don�t know that when these things happen. They see and connect their presence as the cause. I know I did when I was little. It is a natural, if unfortunate response.� �But what he said�� He did what was necessary to survive. It carries no shame. Even you would agree that there�s nothing dishonorable in preserving your own life and those of your friends in those circumstances. Yet he acts like he�s been soiled by them. He thinks he�s tainted beyond repair because of events that were out of his control when he was a child and things he can�t change now. He�� he hurts inside and I don�t know what to do about it.� The Shenlong pilot sighed. �Without specifics, I can offer no specific counsel. But I can say with certainty that right now, he already has what he needs the most. Perhaps all that he will ever need.� �And what might that be?� �You, kisama. Even if you�re too blind to see it.� Heero reeled back as if slapped. �NANI? How can *I* help him? He needs someone who can talk about emotions, who�s kind and caring. Someone who actually experienced them and knows how to cope. Someone like Quatre who can empathize and listen without judging him. Someone professionally, trained if possible but most definitely not me! He needs someone who *understands*!� �You understand just fine. More then you care to know, in fact. You too act as if you�re stained beyond measure by an act that was not your fault. You know what it feels like inside, to ache over something unchangeable in your past. Besides, he trusts you. He told you all of this without asking for a promise of silence in return. He knows you won�t tell. You hold his confidence in high regard, but you�re also concerned enough to seek help for him in the limit capacity available to you. You, Heero Yuy, are all he needs to heal, inside and out. And perhaps, if you are fortunate, you will heal yourself as well.� Wufei stood and slowly walked away, leaving behind a stunned and conflicted Perfect Solider. (TBC��) Talk to me! Tell me this is worth using up my free time! Lady DarkAngel ---------- Chibi Duo's Babysitter Moderator of Duo's Sugar Intake Keeper of Duo's Nice Rear-end Co-Keeper of Shinigami's Wings (with Meela) Keeper of Heero's Homicidal Intentions Keeper of Quatre's Teacup Keeper of Trowa's Mask Keeper of Wufei's Sense of Honor Co-Keeper of Duo's Chatter (with Tomanaiya) Co-Keeper of Heero's "Hn" (with Tomanaiya) Co-Writer of Wufei's Rants (with Tomanaiya) Leader of the Inspirationally-challenged Muses: Alisande, Rynvi, and Kiagara Co-Keeper of real-life hamsters named Heero Yuy (Hee-chan) and Shinigami Eagle Vision (Shini Eagle)(with Tomanaiya) Keeper of the Hit List Proud Owner of two sets of chibis: Chibi Angel Duo and Heero in leather (twins of Tomanaiya's) and Chibi Angel Duo and Heero in black flight gear with stripes from the final GW episodes Acting GOD in Charge of The Anime Muse Adopiton Center and WSCT of the AMAC Proud member of SDDI, the Society of Defending Duo's Intelligence Member of the Society Against the Complete Bastardization of Heero Yuy Occupant of the Happy Hentai House Master Hacker of the Shinigami Organization Assistant Mob Psychologist for the Shinigami Organization Founding Member of Saa-EEP!!! Happy to be a member of the DuoML Member of 1x2, 2x1 Fan Club and ML Many more MLs but you don't want to know... Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html |