| Typed fast and furious to meet demands. I have no idea how this came out other then the fact that I�m feeling quite bitter right now (you don�t want to know why) and I wanted to make myself feel better. So I gave Duo a headache instead. Poor boy, that�s what he gets for hanging around me�� Enjoy. Title: Duo and the Harridan 2/3? Author: Lady DarkAngel [email protected] Archive: Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library www.geocities.com/ladydarkangel_1/index.html, Darkflame's (if she'll take it.) and anywhere else is fine, just ask me first Category: Humor, Sap Pairing(s): 1x2, 3x4 Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only. This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author. Anyway, I'm just a poor college student. So can I play with them? I promise I won't break them...much. Rating: PG-13 for the language alone! Notes: I don�t hate Relena. I *don�t*! I actually kinda respect her in a vague way and VASTLY prefer Nice Relena fics to Bitchy Relena ones. So why did I write one? Well, I have to admit, it�s a great way to advance the plot. It�s also fun to make her a stark-raving psycho. Bitches make good villains and bishies make good victims. ^-^ Warnings: Lets see here- language, delusional Relena, language, violence, language, gay insults, LANGUAGE. Seriously, I did my best to make her sound as offensive as possible. Virgin ears stay away or ask me and I�ll send you a bleeped version or something. I refuse to get flamed over this! Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!! [email protected]; any and all comments are welcome like the sweet ego-sustainers they are. After much blinking and head-shaking the disturbing sight before him refused to go away, so he reluctantly was forced to acknowledge its reality. The blonde ditz was on their doorstep and didn�t look like she would be vacating any time soon. So much for wishful thinking. But since he was in such a good mood (or had been a few seconds ago), he decided to be magnanimous and give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, people *do* change and it�s possible that Relena grew a brain�� err�� ah, *improved* herself. �Ojou-san, hello! What brings you to our humble��� A shock of bleach-blond hair blew past him without ever breaking stride. �Where is Heero? I want an audience with him.� Or maybe not. � �Audience�? Did you just say �audience�?� He was flabbergasted. It wasn�t the rudeness; she�d always treated him that way. No, it was the utter arrogance to burst into *his* home (he knew Quatre was going to give it to them as a present) and demand his lover�s presence like he was some kind of courtesan! He bristled. *Nobody* was gonna order his koi around anymore, with the possible exception of him. �Yes, yes. Is there something wrong with your hearing? I demand an audience with my Heero.� The imperious look on her face made it *quite* clear that she expected to be obeyed and was incredulous that it hadn�t happened already. He bit down on the urge to smack that haughty look off her face. �I�m afraid he�s not here right now.� <Thanks be for that.> �Do you wanna leave a note or somethin�? �Cause we don�t know when he�s comin� back��� He trailed off and he watched in disbelief as she began to stalk forward further into the house. She cupped her hands and let out that terrible screech. �Heeee~rrooo!!!! Where are you?! I need to talk to you!� �Hey! What the hell do you think you�re doin�? I said he wasn�t here!� He ran after her and grabbed her roughly by the arm. She stopped and blinked at him. �I said he wasn�t here! Are you deaf or something?� A look of outrage flashed across her face. �Unhand me, you bastard! How DARE you touch me! Heero will be livid when I tell him about this! He�ll get you, HURT you for this!� �Like hell he will! Why should he give a damn about me chucking your sorry ass out of our house? It�s not like he wants you here either.� �Of course he�ll care, he�� wait, WHAT did you say?!� �I said I�m throwing you out!� �NO! About the house! You said �our� house! What are you talking about?� Duo paused. �You can�t be that ignorant. You must have heard. Hell, your own government sent us a bouquet! It�s been all over the news. EVERYONE knows by now!� �*I* have been looking for my Heero. My Prince from the Stars needs me. Whatever little scandal you�ve caused is unimportant. Now why don�t you be a decent human being for a change and get him for me?� �What, are your ears just decorations? I said HE IS NOT *HERE*!!!� �Let go of me, peasant! HEEE~RROOO!! Come get this mistake of nature off of me!� That was it. He had tolerated enough of this shit. Time to get serious. Lay down the law and bitch-slap some sense into her. �We need to talk.� �I want to��� �LISTEN TO ME, GODAMNIT!!!� Shocked by the sheer volume he had raised his voice to, she froze and quieted down. �Ok, Princess, time for a reality check. Heero, that dead sexy boy you�ve got your eyes on? He�s mine. He�s been mine for years now. We are lovers, we are partners, we are soulmates. We are madly and totally in love. We�re crazy about each other. So crazy, in fact, that we�re going to spend the rest of our lives together. We�re getting married.� She just stared at him. A strange light warred in her eyes and Duo felt a small spark of hope flare. Maybe he got through that thick skull of hers and she actually understood him�� A sudden sharp laugh echoed around him and he sighed. Or maybe not. �Oh Duo! You silly kidder! Where do you come up with such nonsense!� �I�m not kidding, Relena.� �Honestly, though, that wasn�t even funny. You shouldn�t joke around about things like that. If he�s busy or gone out, you should have just SAID so and not made things up like that! You have entirely too much time on your hands to come up with insane ideas!� �Relena��� �No, all kidding aside�� where did Heero go?� �I don�t know. But when he comes back we�re getting married.� �How could you not know?! He didn�t tell you?!� �The date is May 28th. Against my better judgment, you�re�� invited.� Damn, but that took a lot of guts to say. But civility is a basic and crucial tenant of peace and so active hostilities must be suspended for the greater good, namely the sake of the wedding. �He�s coming back in May?� �God, I hope so.� �Well then, I�ll wait for him.� That startled him. �Oh HELL no! You ain�t staying HERE for two months! If I don�t kill you, one of the others will!� She ignored him and wandered into the room he had just vacated. She delicately sniffed at the enormous blossoms that filled the area. �These are so lovely! Quatre really does have fine taste. And they�re so expensive! I should know, they�re my favorites!� She stopped to read the card. �Wait�� this is from my Ministry! That�s my secretary�s handwriting!� The blonde looked up and surveyed the room. �So many flowers�� why are there so many bequests? With your name on them, not Quatre�s? What�s going on?� Duo resisted the urge to beat his head against the wall. Or better yet, hers. Repeatedly till she passed out or started bleeding or something. �I�m getting married.� She gasped. Clapping her hands together in delight, she squealed. �REALLY? Oh my, how wonderful! Weddings are so beautiful! Why didn�t you tell me earlier?� �I could have sworn I did�� Five or six times at least��� �It�s so nice to see that you�ve taken advantage of our peace to find happiness. No more horrible solider business, but instead the marvel of love��� She sighed dreamily. �I�m so pleased for you. Who is she? Do I know her?� �Not she, he. And yes, you do.� �Hilde? Is it Hilde? No, she would have told me�� Dorothy? No, same thing. I�m not sure��� �I said he. Not she, HE.� �I don�t know many other women that you might know�� Let me think.� He exploded. �Goddamnit, I said *HE*! As in a guy! Male! Not a girl! I am marrying a MAN!!� A horrified look crossed her face. �What are you trying to say? That�� that�� that�� you�re GAY?!� �Duh.� �Oh my��� She slowly backed away. �You�re�� I never�� you�re��� �I hate to state the obvious but it�s clear you have a problem with this.� A sneer briefly appeared on her face before the fake sappy-sweet smile she reserved for the media appeared. �My personal opinions have little to do with this matter. Many people in this world practice beliefs that I do not hold and that by their nature I may find questionable. But that means nothing because the citizens of the EarthSphere are free to do as they please, regardless of how the government and private individuals may feel about it. After all, peace holds freedom sacred.� �Nice answer. Got the whole PC and cold shoulder thing all nicely bundled up. Nothing screams �your kind�s not wanted here� any better, except maybe a few ass-whoopings. Nobody�d EVER believe that you�re a homophobe, Relena. I�m gonna go out on a limb and guess you�re revoking your congrats.� �I�m not a homophobe! I just�� find that type of lifestyle to be less then what I consider to be ideal.� �Wow, aren�t you just all pleasantly frosty now that we have a clue. Aren�t you even gonna ask who the groom is? That�s considered polite, ya know, especially considering your interest before. You know him.� �I�d rather��� �Go on, guess.� ��� Quatre?� �Are you kidding? Even if I liked blondes, Trowa�d rip my guts out. But he *is* a pilot.� �Wufei, then.� �Nope. Strike two, one more and you�re out.� Frustrated, she growled. �But you just said he was a pilot! If Trowa and Quatre are a couple and it�s not Wufei�� then you�re a damned liar!� �Language, ojou-san. You left somebody out.� She froze. �Just what are you trying to imply?� �Not implying, SAYING. I�m marrying Heero Yuy.� �Like hell you are. I think you need to seek professional help for these delusions. They really are becoming quite farfetched. I can recommend someone if you�d like��� �Do you want proof?� �That you�re psychotic? No, thank you. I can see that for myself.� She started rooting around in her handbag. �Now where�s that number?� �Here.� He tossed her a card. �Read that.� �What? Why?� �Just read, ojou-san. Read and believe.� With trembling hands, she opened the piece of paper. It was a wedding invitation. The inside was a beautiful gold and silver motif on a light grey background. Black and white wings spread magnificently graced the page as the emerald-colored calligraphy spilled across what was obviously a most expensive and coveted card. You are hereby invited to the blessed nuptials of Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy On May 28th, AC 197 In the Heart�s Paradise Universal Shrine At the Winner Mansion On L4FGWELL RSVP by April 30th For specific details, please contact [email protected] or call 1-800-MARRIED Her face was the most ghostly shade of white as she raised incredulous eyes to him. He smiled, knowing that complete victory was finally at hand and administered the coup de grace. A slight gesture of his hand and the band of gold that had started his new life of love and happiness appeared. It sparkled in the light beautifully. It looked every part the miracle that it was. He could see the undeniable recognition registering on her face, the image of something she constantly dreamed about gifted not to herself but to the boy standing across from her. The solid reality in present before her could not be ignored nor dismissed. He had won. Now all that was left was to wait for the counter-attack and pray the bloodstains would come out of the carpet. (TBC��) Next part will be up by tomorrow...... I hope. Lady DarkAngel ---------- �Neesan to Misuzu and A-chan Chibi Duo's Babysitter Moderator of Duo's Sugar Intake Keeper of Duo's Nice Rear-end Co-Keeper of Shinigami's Wings (with Meela) Keeper of Heero's Homicidal Intentions Keeper of Quatre's Teacup Keeper of Trowa's Mask Keeper of Wufei's Sense of Honor Co-Keeper of Duo's Chatter (with Tomanaiya) Co-Keeper of Heero's "Hn" (with Tomanaiya) Co-Writer of Wufei's Rants (with Tomanaiya) Leader of the Inspirationally-challenged Muses: Alisande, Rynvi, and Kiagara Co-Keeper of real-life hamsters named Heero Yuy (Hee-chan) and Shinigami Eagle Vision (Shini Eagle)(with Tomanaiya) Keeper of the Hit List Proud Owner of two sets of chibis: Chibi Angel Duo and Heero in leather (twins of Tomanaiya's) and Chibi Angel Duo and Heero in black flight gear with stripes from the final GW episodes Acting GOD in Charge of The Anime Muse Adoption Center and WSCT of the AMAC Proud member of SDDI, the Society of Defending Duo's Intelligence Member of the Society Against the Complete Bastardization of Heero Yuy Occupant of the Happy Hentai House Master Hacker of the Shinigami Organization Assistant Mob Psychologist for the Shinigami Organization Founding Member of Saa-EEP!!! Happy to be a member of the DuoML Member of 1x2, 2x1 Fan Club and ML Many more MLs but you don't want to know... Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library www.geocities.com/ladydarkangel_1/index.html |