| Sugoi! So many threatening�.err�.I mean encouraging emails over such spazzy fics! Well, who I am to deny the many people who requested, demanded and promised retribution for failure to deliver! I guess if there is an audience then there will be more. I hereby christen a new series. I�ll title it when I see how well this one goes over. The other two were Everyone Knows Its Duo and the Morning After. This little bit of insanity had various sources. An extremely boring Chem 111 lecture, *WAY* too much chocolate for my own good, seeing the results a fellow classmate�s 12 Mountain Dew chug-a-lug marathon, a five hour long discussion of pranks and revenge with some sick and twisted friends, and a stupid dare involving whipped cream and Hershey�s chocolate sauce. None of the above turned out well but I was able to salvage *something* from all of them and piece them together in a semi-coherent fic. Hmmmm, little to no plot here. And no lemon. Gomen, I tried! A major component of the death threats was that this one should be lemony. I must have rewritten this damn thing 12 or more times (which is why it is so late!) but the best I could do was sorta heavy lime. So I decided to play up the humor bit and pray no one will notice my sucky citrus skills. Hehe, but I don�t think that matters too much after what I did to them�. ::sighs:: Maybe in the next one, ne? P.S. I *still* think this is the worst series of fics I�ve ever thought up. Maybe it�s just my sucky self-esteem, but I just don�t do the humor thing on paper well. I�m great with one-liners in life, but in ink�� Damn, I am no good at this. But have a blast anyway! To bastardize an old storytelling opener: �May my story be funny as hell and spin out like a braid of finest chestnut to be worthy of the glory that is Gundam Wing�.� (1) Title: Fun and Games (Part 3 of an untitled series) Author: Lady DarkAngel Archive: Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html, Darkflame's (if she'll take it...) and anywhere else is fine, just ask me first Category: Humor, Yaoi Pairing(s): 1x2 Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only. This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author. Anyway, I'm just a poor college student. So can I play with them? I promise I won't break them...much. Rating: PG-17 maybe? I suck with the ratings bit�.. Warnings: Pure and total OOCness, unashamed teasing, excessive use and abuse of whipped cream, and what the hell was I thinking when I wrote this?! Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!! [email protected]; any and all comments are welcome like the sweet ego-sustainers they are. Duo ducked behind the counter and giggled insanely. OK, he still wasn�t exactly sober at this point and his hangover was persistently trying to pound his brain to oatmeal mush but he was definitely in much better shape then he had been last night, that�s for damn sure. Instead of being three bedsheets into the wind, he was only about at washcloth level. Maybe less if he was lucky. He had to stifle the snickers that seemed determined to pour out of his mouth and give away his location. Mustn�t happen just yet. He�d been leading Heero on a chase all morning. The Japanese boy had been playing with him earlier in the bedroom. He wasn�t as stupid as people thought he was. He�d seen the panic that had flared in those cobalt eyes and knew what his koi had been thinking. He went along with the little game and then decided to take it to the next level. Once again suppressing the mad urge to laugh his position away, Duo heard a low growl echo through the room that meant his boy was close by. Heero never did take teasing well and this had to be pure torture for him. He grinned. <Suffer, Hee-chan, suffer. You have to catch your dinner before you can play with it. No free rides here, buddy. I may be easy but damn am I gonna make you sweat for it!> It had been three hours since they woke and for three fun-filled hours Japanese cuss words resounded through the apartment building. Tenants were coming out to complain but a well-place glare and twin Browning .40 Hi-Power IIIs sent them scurrying back to their rooms with significantly heavier pants then they started with. Nothing and nobody was going to stop him from finding Duo and boinking his lights out. The American in question let his grin grow even wider. He�d snuck back to the apartment (his, it was closer then Heero�s, he guessed) and managed to set up a little surprise. Should he let himself be caught and spend the rest of the day in sinful but eminently enjoyable games or continue on this evil and possibly suicidal path and tease the living hell out of his would-be lover to the point of sanity�s no return? Hard choice there but he�d have to go with the insanity take. He�d already started; might as well finish it. More cussing issued to the right of him. Seems Heero had found the trap. Seventy-eight super jumbo economy sized cans of whipped cream and thirty-one bottles of Hershey�s syrup were simultaneously delivering their payload of rich, creamy and deliciously lickable justice on one very surprised and not too pleased Wing Zero pilot. Not very original, the braided was forced to admit, but classics are classics and they got to be that way for a reason! He smirked at the look on Heero�s face. <Wasn�t expecting that, ne lover? Not so easy, now am I? I�m gonna make you work for it, maybe even suffer a little. Makes the catch ever the more enjoyable, I promise.> The thought of Heero and getting his favorite daily caffeine/sugar fix all in one shot nearly made him leapt up and see if the spectacle before him was as tasty as it looked. Next time, he simply had to remember the marshmallow sauce and the peanuts. Mmmmmm, Heero sundae�.. OK, that�s enough of that! He sternly yelled at himself to maintain control. <Young man, don�t you know any better then to eat dessert before your dinner?! And not to play with your food! Where in the hell are your manners?! Where you raised in a barn?!> Another glance at the divine figure of Heero Yuy covered head to toe in chocolate whipped cream. <Hell no; I was raised in a church and that did absolutely nothing to save my sorry soul. And right now, I am eternally grateful for that because I�d never be able to ��appreciate this! I never was any good at following rules. To hell with it. Just a little longer��> Meanwhile, Heero was picking himself up from under a two-foot high mound of dark brown aerosol milk (2). It was still going off too. <Looks like it�s snowing dirt. Now what in the hell�.. Duo!> Kami-sama, he was to blow that boy�s brains out. Whether it was with a gun or through creative use of his mouth, he really hadn�t decided yet. He began to wipe the offensive stuff off before a strange thought crossed his mind. <Maybe Duo did this on purpose? Did he want this to happen? Why in the hell would he want me to be covered in this sugar-laden, soft, sticky�.. Oh. Well then. He must be nearby then. Ninmu ryoukai.> A wicked smirk flashed across his face. Duo no longer heard swearing so cautiously peeked out to see if his Hee-chan was gone. What he saw nearly gave him a heart attack and permanent brain damage. It definitely made him question his sanity, that�s for damn sure. Heero was��dancing. In the whipped cream. Like a ballerina. And doing it quite well. Disbelieving violet eyes followed the beautiful boy as he did a dainty pirouette and scooped up a handful of the foamy stuff. Slowly spreading it across his arm as he swung around in a plie joule, Heero smiled seductively. Duo gasped. <OK, breathe solider. BREATHE DAMNIT!!> The Deathscythe pilot was panting like a runner after a 12K race. <Must not lose control. Must not lose control. Must not jump his bones! Not yet!!> Heero was having a grande ole� time. He could hear the ragged breathes getting louder and louder�.. He had his koi by the �hacky sacks� as Duo so quaintly called them and he knew it. Giving up the ballerina bit, he began to do a tango with an imaginary partner. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the Perfect Solider aspect of him was screaming for him to get back into line. He mentally blew it a raspberry and sent the one finger salute. Heero the boy ruled now, thanks to Duo. Heero the solider could go to Hell with Shinigami�s compliments. He heard an internal sigh as the Solider assented and offered to at least let him get the form right. You can�t seduce somebody properly if you don�t look your sexiest. Heero accepted the help. Duo�s eyes were gonna pop right out of his head and go rolling straight into the mess on the floor. Not that he�d mind so much. Get a better view that way�.. At first the tango had been a little clumsy, like he�d never done it before. He most likely hadn�t. But now�� K�so, now he looked like the Poster Boy for Dairy Products United and Why Everyone Should Know How to Dance. Not to mention the Boink of the Month Club (3). Duo could feel his already fragile restraint start to crack. <There!> Heero saw a flash of chestnut peek up over a counter to his right. <Gotcha, you braided bastard! Make me run around like Relena on crack for the last three hours so I can get some! I�ll teach you to screw with the mind and hormones of Heero Yuy!> Totally giving himself to the emotions, sensation and wicked ideas racing through him, he twirled faster and faster until finally he dove backwards into the goo. <This ought to make him lose it�..> Duo was slowly crawling forward on his hands and knees for a closer view. What the hell was his psychotic koi doing now?! <Oh Kami-sama��> Duo blinked. And blinked again. Nope, still there. <Is he making snow angels?!> A few feet closer and�..yes he is!! Well, technically they�d be whipped cream angels (4) but hey, who the hell cares, ne? Heero was throwing the stuff up in the air and rolling around and genuinely laughing like a little kid and suddenly Duo couldn�t take anymore. <That is just so��> He knew when he�d been had. It was time to end this and get on with the�.ahem�..just desserts. He raced over and threw himself into the fluff and onto his beloved. <Ninmu kanryou!> One second he was rolling around in the fluff acting like a puppy and the next his arms were full of a certain beloved braided baka. Heero fiercely kissed the boy he was hold so tightly and was thrilled when he got a passionate response. Duo was just as eager for this as he was. <Sugoi.> Duo�s lips tasted so good; they were without a doubt the best damn thing he�d ever had. He wanted more NOW. And it looked like he was gonna get it. <Even better�...> He opened his mouth and beckoned Duo to do the same. Once he did, Heero used his tongue to swirl the roof of his koi�s mouth lightly. A whimper came in response. Growling, he proceeded to plunder that sweet cavern for all it was worth. Duo was in Heaven. <Alright, it�s about damn time. Ding, ding, let�s get it on!> Moaning his impatience, he began tugging on the ever-present tanktop. After the Japanese boy obligingly took it off, Duo pushed him back into the whipped cream and started smearing it all over Heero�s chest. Confusion filled those beautiful cobalt eyes until the American began licking it off. Heero moaned and returned the favor. Soon they were both down to their boxers and were covered in chocolaty goo with little tongue trails through it. Shivering with need, their hands were roaming over the soft flesh and enjoying the wonders of whipped cream on an already delectable boy. This were *definitely* getting interesting�.. �MAXWELL!! YUY!! WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU��. *AHHHHHHHHHHH*!!!!!!!!� Well, *THAT* certainly was unexpected! Freezing in place, the nearly naked boys turned to see a vidscreen near them was on and displaying the Preventers� logo in the right-hand corner. But the weird thing was that spluttering sounds could clearly be heard but nobody was on the screen. This little mystery was solved five minutes later when a shaken-looking Wufei crawled back up into view sporting one *hell* of a nosebleed. Duo snickered when he realized they were the reason why. Stretching exaggeratedly so that the most amount of flesh showed, he asked innocently, �Wazzup, Wu-chan?� �Don�t you dare call me that, you hedonistic�.. Kisama, put some clothes on!� (5) Heero broke in before the typical argument between the two could begin. �What do you want, Chang?� he asked in a rather cold and deadly voice. �We�re rather busy at the moment.� �Hai. I can see that�..� The Chinese boy looked like he was going to faint from loss of blood. �Oi, Wu-chan! Better go see Sally about that leak before you pass out! Or will that just make it worse when you have to tell her why you�re bleeding like there�s no tomorrow? Keep it up like this and there won�t be one for ya!� �Why you�..!! For your information, MAXWELL, Lady Une asked me to call and find out why you two aren�t at work today.� �That answer is somewhat obvious now, ne? I afraid we won�t be in at all today. Give our apologies to Lady Une. Tell her�..we were sick.� The tone indicated that this was NOT a request and refusal would result in much pain and many more stitches. �Yeah, sick and tired of this stupid conversation! I�m gonna hang up on your ass in a minute. Can�t you see we�re in the middle of something?! Like screwing like rabid hamsters?! Go away!!� �Duo?� �Yeah?� ���..Why are they rabid?� �Hmmmmmm, don�t really know. Have to check on that later��� (6) �Shimatta! Move it you two! Get in here NOW!!� �Bpeeta! Like to see ya make us! The answer is NO! We�re busy! Get gone, you Howdy-Dudey-like freak! Wufei�s face turned redder then the blood covering it. Uh oh. Let the snipe wars begin. May the best snapmaster win. (7) �I�m just doing my job. Unlike *some* people, you braided evolutionary misfit!� �Oh that *really* hurt! Two-faced dumb bunny bastard!� (8) �Dishonorable backstabbing traitorous flirt!� �Suck face strawberry!� (9) �Loquacious, imbecilic, clumsy, nearly-worthless midget street-rat!� �NANI?! Why you stiff-assed, tight-lipped, shiny-foreheaded, one-liner justice freak!!� �Sicko sugar-hopped up baka hentai!� �HAI!! Certified and bonded. Which reminds me�..� Duo leaned down to begin licking Heero again, satisfied that he won. Again. �Agghhhhhhh!!� �Sugoi! Gusher!� �Duo, stop trying to make Wufei bled to death. You are neglecting your mission.� �And what might that mission be?� �Letting me screw you silly.� �I�m already silly, baka, but if you want to contribute, then go right ahead. We always welcome a donation here at Maxwell�s!� �Hn. I�ll bet.� �INJUSTICE!! Bastards! Une wants you in the office in 20 minutes or she�s gonna send a entire unit out to drag your sorry asses in here!� Wufei was about ready to burst a blood vessel. �Hear that, Hee-chan? Guests! Should we give them a show?� �Does that mean I have to share?� An evil smirk. �Hell no. Only if you want to. If you feel like it, I mean.� Heero paused and thought about it. �Maybe later. I get the first taste. I never did share well with others.� �You�re so bad, Hee-chan.� �Hai, need another demonstration?� �Oh Kami-sama YES!! Go for it!� �K�so, I�m serious over here! Get your rears in gear and for Kami-sama�s sake, put some damn CLOTHES ON!! And take a shower! NO, not with each other! BE HERE!!!� With that, the screen went dead. They both stared at it and then sighed in unison. Heero looked pissed enough to do something mega-stupid like blow up Preventers HQ. <Note to self: Yuy no play, someone�s gonna pay. Severe ouchies there.> In order to stall his koi from doing something that would get him 50-to-life (and subsequently no nooky EVER), Duo planted a big wet one on his nose. Draping his arms around the boy, he whispered huskily, �Later. Promise.� �Tonight?� Heero never sounded so hopeful, eyes wide like a little kid who�s been promised a special treat for dessert. <He�s so damn kawaii sometimes.> �No, koi.� Enter the trademark unholy gleam in those gorgeous violet eyes that meant somebody was in for it. That look promised mischief and one hell of a good time. He leaned close and whispered directly in Heero�s ear. �How does borrowing a closet sound? Not the best of locations, I�ll admit but it can be fun�. I think there�s one near Wu-chan�s office too��� It sounded very good indeed. On to HQ, step on the gas and to hell with the traffic laws. Heero couldn�t wait. ~ ~ Owari ~ ~ But I guess you�ll have to�..that is, if anyone�s interested in the series? Damn this one was long! I so suck at citrus. I concede bitter defeat. I tried�.. (1) The dare my friend gave me was to use this line somehow. Actually the original was �May my story be beautiful and spin out like a thread of finest silk so it may be worthy of the glory of God� but she never said I couldn�t take poetic license. Ha! Pay up, Tami! (2) Gomen! My friend on the Mountain Dew high went on for twenty minutes about �aerosol milk� before I understood she was talking about whipped cream! I just *HAD* to put it in somewhere! (3) Featuring the G-boys��. ::drools:: (4) The whipped cream thing I mentioned in the intro? This is what we did. And it was fun. So sue me. (5) Dearest audience, this argument actually took place. Altered of course for my purposes, but I thought it was just too funny to pass up! The people involved threatened to beat me if I told so I guess I have to trust your silence then, ne? ^_~ (6) Thou asketh for rabid hamsters and it shalt be done. Hehe, they seem to be quite popular. Maybe they�ll make an appearance in the next one! (7) Yet another friend�s favorite way of starting off a quip battle. I almost always win. You can see why, ne? (8) Family swear phrase. If it makes no sense, don�t worry. I don�t think it is supposed to�.. But I use it often and it slipped in here somehow�.. (9) See (8) above. I honestly don�t know WHERE these come from�. ::sweatdrops:: Lady DarkAngel ---------- Chibi Duo's Babysitter Moderator of Duo's Sugar Intake Keeper of Duo's Nice Rear-end Co-Keeper of Shinigami's Wings (with Meela) Keeper of Heero's Homicidal Intentions Keeper of Quatre's Teacup Keeper of Trowa's Mask Keeper of Wufei's Sense of Honor Co-Keeper of Duo's Chatter (with Tomanaiya) Co-Keeper of Heero's "Hn" (with Tomanaiya) Co-Writer of Wufei's Rants (with Tomanaiya) Leader of the Inspirationally-challenged Muses: Alisande, Rynvi, and Kiagara Co-Keeper of a real-life hamster named Heero Yuy (Hee-chan)(with Tomanaiya) Keeper of the Hit List Acting GOD in Charge of The Anime Muse Adopiton Center and WSCT of the AMAC Proud member of SDDI, the Society of Defending Duo's Intelligence Member of the Society Against the Complete Bastardization of Heero Yuy Occupant of the Happy Hentai House Master Hacker of the Shinigami Organization Assisstant Mob Psychologist for the Shinigami Organization Proud Member of Saa-Eep! Happy to be a member of the DuoML Member of 1x2, 2x1 Fan Club and ML Many more MLs but you don't want to know... Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library http://ladydarkangel_1.homestead.com/Main.html |