Naxos
Where the sea breaks
And the shifting sand takes
The will and wit of Poseidon
There the fair form of Ariadne lay on
A bed of moss and soft seaweed
Cast aside like Silenus, drunk on mead
(On Naxos� windblown and lonely isle
Theseus left her in shame and guile).
And she weeps, and she weeps
And she regrets her yawning sleeps.
On the wild and wandering shore
She weeps and wails and longs for
The life and love that she had before
When she was royal and loved and so much more
But the family she loved, for love she betrayed
And for this offense, her lover�s heart strayed.
2/26/01
Swollen with seed, I languidly lay,
Watching the falling �darling buds of May.�
From the court of the vineyard of tranquil green,
I observe and record the pleasant scene.
Willows weep in the wild wind, while whirling
Seeds wander underneath the porch swing
Swans swim in silence upon the glass lake
While ravens wrestle a dying grass snake.
Clouds cover heaven as heaven�s tears fall,
Hissing and dying on the brick walk and wall.
Thirsty grass gulps up the nourishing rain
Though it can�t heal the sun-scorched plain.
Nature shares my sorrow as the waves break and foam.
And I know in my heart that you�re not coming home.
2/28/01
Here I stand
All I ask
I cannot feel more
The guillotine comes sharp
My blood spatters the walls
Like wallpaper
From a King novel
Who cares?
I am here
on my knees
With one last plea
While I still breathe
I wanted
nothing
but you in my arms
You don't want me
No one at all
wants me
Can you blame them?
I don't
All I have
control over breathing
So easy
I could end it all
What good is it?
Who will care
really?
The round world
has too many people already
All I wanted
marriage
kids
would just add
to the burden of Earth
I should be
as the dust
Who would ever miss
what was never meant to be?
All I have
this one plea
Please tell me it gets better
Please tell me someone cares
Because I can't see it
I can't feel it
My faith is fading
My heart is useless
I've been dead for years
Waiting for this body to catch up
All the things I've wanted
Have never come to be
And I have never been more willing
To destroy my only gift
I wasn't the one who wrote this Mon Oct 2 14:32:18 2000
I wasn't the the one who wrote this
This isn't my voice crying out
Crying out
Crying out like the empty echo of my soul
I wasn't the one who touched you
So don't say my hand
My hand
My hand was the one that struck you
I wasn't the one who broke you
So don't say my heart
My heart
My heart was the one that betrayed you
I wasn't the one who asked for forgiveness
So don't say my voice
My voice
My voice was the one pleading for mercy from you
I don't know where this path leads
I'm so used to walking alone
No human hands or human deeds
To fufill my all too human needs
There's so much we're holding back
We need to break these chains of lies
We got to make up what we lack
We have to renew our loving ties
Say it's all right, say you want to be here
Say it tonight, say what you want me to hear
Hold me close
When this night will end, no one knows
So we went to bridge to start all over again
We took it to the edge, barely parting as friends
But something hit you as it hit me then
We're on a path that never ends
And I do believe you are my one true love
You are a blessing from God above
As beautiful as an angel, as pure as a dove
And I know it's you I love
Say it's all right, say what you mean
Say it tonight, say you want me
Hold me close
When this night will end, no one knows
Untied we stand
Ropes burned from our naked flesh
Untied we leave
Two seperate halves of what was never to be whole
Untied in thought
I could never read your mind
Untied in heart
You never really loved me
Untied in soul
I thought you were my soul mate
Untied in body
I'll never hold you close again
I stood defeated in my throne room
A queen bowed and broken
I could not defeat the gloom
Of all the words you'd spoken
I'd hoped for a knight
In shining armor to come
Instead it came to light
That you were faithless scum
So I stand before you
You a knight mocklingly bowing to your queen
Your lies, so easy to see through
Were reflected in the sword's bright sheen
I raised the blade
But I couldn't do it
In spite of what you did and said
The love I had for you bit
And I could not cut down the rose that was in bloom
like you care...like anyone cares... Sat Apr 1 23:28:15 2000
I can't believe I said yes;
Busy signal ringing in my ears.
No time for me;
Always somewhere more important to be.
Like you care...
Like anyone cares...
I thought you were special;
You didn't treat me like shit like those other guys...
And I was right;
You found new ways to make me feel worthless...
But you don't care...
No one cares...
I just look at this blank screen...
Wasted time, wasted money on you...
I fooled myself into thinking you cared...
I was so dead wrong.
But you go on living your life,
Though you say you want me for your wife.
Don't take me for granted;
You've broken my heart
Too many times a day
For everything to be all right.
But you can't be serious...
Though everyone else is serious...
You say that you don't know what you would do without me;
I think that's a lie.
I can't help the fact that I don't trust anyone
After so many betrayals.
But you think I'm stupid...
Just like everyone else is stupid...
I think you'd get on just fine without me;
I'm sure you've got girls lined up around the block,
Ready to fuck when you snap your fingers
Thinking that I'd never suspect you.
But you're so wrong...
Just like everyone else is wrong...
How would you feel
If I hurt you like you hurt me?
I bet you'd really enjoy
The pain and fear I feel each day when you aren't there.
But you don't care...
Nobody cares...
I can feel it growing within me
The flood comes again
Tears falling from my face
What is making me act this way?
I am so frightened and confused.
Where is my darling defender?
Am I all alone in this wilderness?
The pain is consuming me
I can hardly breathe or move or think
I am so lost in the darkest night
My candle is nowhere to be found
The pit grows within me
And I can't help but be lonely
There is nothing to be found
Nothing inside but the pain and fear
I want to live, to love, to learn
I want to know love again in your arms
I want to feel the dream come true
Of a child growing within me
I am loyal to the one I love
But the distance pulls us apart
I long to hold him in my arms
To place his head by my heart
It's strange the way things turn
I gave up on love, how often I was burned!
Then you appeared
The man I dream about at night
Long hair trailing like a comet's flight
Dark eyes blazing passion
Full lips promising peace
The one who would endure it all with me
And I feel in love again...
There are days the world is cold
And the walls are closing in
I look out into the night
All alone in the ice of the dark
I remember your words; vast promises
I never thought you'd keep
While you sit with those who need you
Holding their hands when they can't save themselves
I tried to pull you to my side,
But you wouldn't come to save me
It doesn't matter now
It just doesn't matter now
So hold me close
While I weep in those arms I love so much
I'm so scared and all alone
You're nowhere to be found
But I close my eyes
And I can see now that you're holding me
There's nothing to fear now
Now that you're here
The touch
Silken gaze burning
Breath sudden stop
Then breathe again
Soft in
Soft out
Never break the gorgon gaze
A heart of stone could not withstand
Sensation of skin on skin
Skin in skin
Movement, passion
Inarticulate love floods in
The prayer of peace is silent
Silk whispers
Float against swollen bosom
Both blessing and curse
Truth
Consequences
Nothing really matters
In the ultimate spin
I'll feel it
Deep touch wit
hin me
In feeling it, I
Felt
cut up paper
drifts to the floor
like laughing snowflakes
falling at night
I remember your burning eyes
breathing your breath
just enjoying the feeling
of oneness in your arms
Our hearts were beating so fast
hands trailing fire over aroused flesh
just holding each other
melting the snow with kisses
you fell asleep in my arms
I cradled you like a baby
wanting to stay like that all night
wanting to soothe your tired body
we kissed and said goodnight
holding each other, loathe to part
though we both knew you had to leave
I watched you walk away, then slept and dreamt of you
There was a time
When dreamscapes were alive
When I'd look beyond my eyes
And my hopes led my heart
There was a time
When all I ever wanted
Was someone to share my heart with
To find the one God meant for me
There was a time
When I drifted between fear and love
Wondering what I really wanted
All that I ever wanted
I have read God's word;
All things come in time
Patience is the biggest challenge
In my life's journey
I can't help wondering, though
Have I perhaps met my soulmate?
Someone who wanders, lost and lonely as I am?
The one who will share my forever?
I believe I have...
Perhaps we will find each other at last
Once we remove our blinders
And grow up in our own ways
Perhaps then we will be ready to love each other
I'll tell you one thing
I have never been attracted so quickly
Even when we did stupid things
I could never take my eyes off of you
There's something moving in the darkness
I can't catch the shadow with my useless eyes
It darts too fast for human vision
And seems to ignore my piteous cries
"What am I doing here?" I ask time and again
No answer comes to mind
"Who are you?" asks the couselor
I don't know; I must be mirror-blind
When I close in on my reflection
It disappears like a hologram
I have so many faces, but only one mirror
How will I ever know who I am?
And what am I doing here?
I've not done much right or wrong
Yet the ones with the greatest hearts
Go up to sing angel's songs
There are times when I sit on the razor's edge
I belong nowhere, I have no home
Only the arms of my father, God above
Seem to hold shelter wherever I roam
My parents love me, my siblings care
What's missing from these relationships?
Why do I feel they aren't there?
And why do I feel as if I'm not welcome when I come home from trips?
I don't feel real; maybe all that I am
Is a figment of my own imagination;
Maybe someone else controls me, maybe I'm damned
To walk alone, a sick joke on myself
Passing through the windows like a ghost
Open my heart, only to have it trampled again
The ones who I need attention from ignore me the most
Sometimes I feel I can't count on my friends
Who can I count on, then, in this dreary dismal world?
Is it just me and God on this journey
Just God and an unworthy sinner girl?
Just the two of us until I lay down and die?
I pray my prayer will be answered someday
And I will have the answers that will set me free
My answers only come in dreams
I close my eyes and view the mystery...
Here it goes, over again
Wishing you could see my scar tissue
As I walk down the empty streets
Forgotten prayers written in forgotten books
Sorrow is my name
I am forsaken
And alone
All of my flesh rips from my bones
When dawn dies
I am no more
What ever happened to between?
Where are the days when we gave a damn?
My empty voice in empty halls
No one hears me
I can't breathe
Choking on my own vomit
I fade away like an exploding star
Wishing you were here with me
So I could share my futile life with someone else
Hoping to belay my misery
The
words
won
't
c
ome
out
like
I
w
ant
them
to
Drifting whispers
Promises melting against skin
Your breath burns
My vows are forgotten
I shiver in daylight
White flakes floating down
Lodge in my flowing hair
I lie to myself and say I'm warm without you
There is no warmth in this room
These hands that once burned to touch you
Are now frozen like the wind
That glides up my legs like an old man's hands
I lie wrapped in nothing
There is no comfort here
No warm touch to awaken me from this lonely nightmare
You are gone and that is all...
I swore when I fell in love
I would fall intact
And leave intact
With all my pieces fitting
Right where they needed to go
But you changed all of that
You swept into my life
Like the ocean's tide
Overwhelming my senses
Loving me for me
And I am overwhelmed...
You are all that I dreamed of
I do think I dreamed you into life
The childish fantasies of a young girl
Turned to flesh with your love
Please don't say it's a dream...
I am Skeleton Woman
When the pain of this world cast me aside
You were the fisherman
Taking compassion on a humble cygnet
Whose beauty had been washed away
By a life of pain and turmoil
I feel safe in your love
It may not be romantic
But I feel solace in your friendship
Those quiet moments when time stands still
And I find such beauty
When I look into your eyes
Affirmation...
I know that even if the world should burn
Or if I drown in the flood of iniquity
Even if all of my family deserts me
I have a brother
Who loves me like God
And never fails to let me know
How much my friendship means...
Affirmation...of love...
Here I am
Where I am I?
Where is this life taking me?
Do I swim against the current,
Or float into the oblivious ocean alone?
What is my goal in life?
Can I just stand here,
Staring into the windows of the world
Choosing, but no acting
Thinking, but not doing?
There is something out there for me
Sure as the leaves falling from the trees
Dancing gracefully to the ground
Carpeting the green grass with reds, yellows, and browns
Still I float with the currents
For every answer, so many questions
They try my brain with immortal trials
I am swallowed up by thought
As Jonah was swallowed by the great fish
Or whale
Whatever it was, it was big.
I'm swimming in the swift-currented river of thought
I close my eyes to stop myself
From thinking of what is, what was, what could've been
Jettisoning my regrets
Like so much flotsam and jetsam
I'm floating in a sea of something
I know what I want
I can see it, taste it
It's taste is sharper than the salt of the sea
But I can't put my thought into words
Maybe I would be satisfied
Being swallowed by eternity
Maybe there's a part of me locked away
That can tell me what I want
Until then, I can only guess
Maybe it's security,
Maybe it's a dream,
Maybe it's a prayer.
Maybe I don't know.
Maybe it's passion
Maybe I'm oversexed
Maybe it's the swift thought
That decends like a knife to shred my inhibitions.
Maybe it's the answer to a prayer
Maybe there is no answer
Maybe dreams come true
Maybe they don't
Maybe I'm just flowing with the tide,
Reaching out a hand to cling
To the branches that go flying past...
Maybe it's wrong to have a goal
Maybe we should just take life as it comes
Maybe we should enjoy our time in Eden
And thank God when our time to rest has come
Maybe I'm right
Maybe I'm wrong
Maybe you should decide for yourself
Since I still haven't found what I seek
And I'm floating like a leaf
Caught by the river's tide...
Do I know who I am?
Sure I do
I'm another woman on a mission
Chaos in a world of order
I like being manic
Making people laugh
With a dashing smile
And the leaves in my hair
I'm a very busy woman; I haven't got all day
Give me the facts
Don't keep me waiting
Or I'll find more productive things to do
So you don't like what I've become
A creature of heart and soul and voice?
Well, that's all right with me;
My sense of self isn't molded by you
My future is like a growing tree
I can nuture any branch
Take any road
Be what I want to be
I welcome advice
But don't dictate to me which road to choose
I reserve the right to make mistakes
And I'll admit to being wrong sometimes
I've grown
I am woman
I am who I am
And there's nothing I'd rather be
Please look on me
Love me if you will
But don't judge me
For it is not your place
Watch me
Keep your crass comments to yourself
Live your life
And learn what you can
(These times only happen once
And you can never take the same chances again)
last modified:9/3/2001by Rebecca L. Oaks
� 1999-2001 Rebecca L. Oaks