| Mr Christopher Jonathan Barrie. "Who?" is, sadly, a common response. It's easily dealt with: "That bloke out of Red Dwarf - tall, dark curly hair, an 'H' on his 'ead. He was also in Brittas Empire. Yeah, the one with the voice. He was the Lara Croft's butler too. That's the one!" |
| However, even more sadly, the most asked question has been, "Why?" Here I'm tempted to reply with my favourite, most-used answer to that word. "Why not?!" :D But here is the long explanation. I guess my first proper discovery of Chris Barrie was with the second series of The Brittas Empire in 1992. Being of a really young (but impressionable as ever) age, I didn't remember much about it, other than it was a really funny show that I seem to remember clashed with Vic Reeves' Big Night Out and so those nights were always a choice between the two. I have, after all, also had a crush on Vic Reeves. One wonders if comedy actually came into it, even at the age of eight. Anyway, as that series ended, Series V of Red Dwarf began (for some reason, I thought there was some months between them. it was on the same day. that's childhood perception of time for you - thinking a few hours is a few months.) As everyone should know, this is the most superior series of Red Dwarf. The trailer had come on TV a few weeks before, and me and mum were actually laughing at it (The Bestest TV Trailer Ever? Quite Possibly.) I think Duane Dibbley was the main (comedy) pulling point, but that sulky bloke in the silly blonde wig next to him looked oddly familiar. He was. |
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| Why Chris Barrie? |
| Series V, incidentally, is what I recommend to any Barrie-sceptics. Because, for anyone questioning "what do you see in him?", one screening of Terrorform with a side-salad of Holoship is enough for a follow-up of "Ohhhhhh. I *see*" (and for any Rocky Horror fans like myself, Demons and Angels is honey for a deviant soul). That's not to say that it's a disrobed, pec-defined Chris Barrie that makes fans. It just *helps*. |
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| Dimension Jump (series IV) also has an interesting effect on those that otherwise wouldn't give Chris's charms the time of day. There's something about that blonde Ace Rimmer wig (with flickable fringe) that seems to be the equivalent of the fairy godmother's fairy dust that got blasted over Cinderella. Even the guys fancied him in that one. "What a guy." |
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| But, of course, for us more devoted fans, there is more to this than nicely defined muscleage and blonde fringes. It's a good place to start (:D) but they mainly work for the following: a) inticing new fans and converting Barrie sceptics b) providing ultimate moments of joy for TEH FANZ. So, where else doth the appeal lie? I think the crux of the sceptic problem lies in the fact that their main exposure (ooh) to Chris Barrie is through shows and photos - shows and photos that have led them to conclude that he's merely a silly and annoyingly rubber-faced man. |
| If my hypothesis is right, perhaps Rowan Atkinson fans and Jim Carrey fans are also nodding their heads in agreement right now. |
| You see, if we take a closer look, if he'd just *stay still*...Chris, look serious for a minute: |
| ...Thank you, we can see that he's actually quite handsome. Perhaps not in the Brad Pitt sense, but in more of a traditional Errol Flynn, Montgomery Clift sense. Let's first take a moment to study those eyes. Bordering between brown and hazel - nutty hazelnut. chocolately. a rich coffee. Eyes like a mid-morning break then. There's a definite puppy-dog quality to them, perhaps an inner, eager, need to please? Despite being able to throw a glare that could frazzle more than most (Rimmer is the undoubtedly king of the evil glare).... |
| ...Chris can also do cute. |
| And, as we move onto the hair, the adjective 'adorable' is going to have to be dropped in here somewhere. I did warn you about this gushing fangirly-ness. The curls! Those dark curls! Never have curls looked so cute. On a personal note, I've always been a sucker for unruly waves in a man's hair. I despise haircuts. I despise hair gel. Sometimes that hair is just going to fight against anything, and sometimes the only solution is to just *let it*. And yet again, someone out there feels the same. Amazing. |
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| And speaking of personal preferences....I have a voice fetish. A deep, well-spoken voice is guaranteed to do funny things to my insides and render me into a mushy puddle of fangirl. And Chris fits the bill almost too well. It's amazing how many people are led to believe that he really talks in the nasal whiny way that Brittas does. His real voice is therefore a right shock to newbies. Such a rich and fruity tone should come with a health warning. I see my Red Dwarf audio book (read by Chris) is missing its warning sticker. Nevermind, the best thing to do with it is to stick it on your walkman on a winter's day, climb in bed, cuddle up, and let it do its worst. Jane Killick says so (http://groups.msn.com/mauvealert/books.msnw). It's such a quintessentially middle class British voice that's brilliant for words like 'bastard' and 'bottom'. Honest. It's also fun to hear him sing, too (although Lister pinpoints Rimmer's good singing voice on the fact that he spent his past life as Alexander's chief eunuch, I'm not sure this applies to Mr. Barrie). And let's not forget his best talent - impressions. From Kenneth Williams, to Ronald Reagan and Bob Geldolf, passing Ronnie Corbett on the way, he has a hilarious talent for mimicry. Chris, insure your voice. It could be the vocal equivalent of Jennifer Lopez's rear end. As it were. |
| And we've got this far without mentioning the 'k' word. Knees. Now, with risk of ruining the joke for some, I don't *really* have a bizarre knee fixation. The Knees page - inspired by one night's moment of madness - is the Astrokini way of saying, "Hasn't Chris got nice legs? We don't see them that often, let's celebrate them." |
| Mind you, since then, Mr Barrie seems to have spent every recent occasion (and an entire series of Massive Machines) in shorts. Cheeky. Of course, I can counteract all this fangirlyness by pointing out just how talented he is too. Aside from his vocal talent, and indeed newly discovered talent for presenting (and diary writing: www.chrisbarrie.co.uk), consider his acting range. Most of this is explored, however subtly, in Red Dwarf. From nasty venom-filled wrath, to sympathetic self-loathing, it's all there in Rimmer. What a psychotic nutcase *he* is. Chris delivers Grant Naylor's dialogue with just the right amount of whatever emotion is needed (whilst keeping comedy value, of course), but it's amazing what can be conveyed via body language. A pompous arch of the eyebrow, a condescending glare, a snarling lip, the agonized fist-biting, the infamous flare of the nostrils - it's all there in Chris' catalogue of Rimmerisms. Let's not forget that, at the end of the day, Chris is a nice chap. There are many fan anecdotes to prove that he is a decent bloke who happily takes the time to meet his fans, talk with them (at considerable length for some!), share a smile and be generally friendly and down-to-earth. He plays football for his local team, who are free to jovially tease about his celebrity status. All in all, he's a witty and intelligent family man (happily married with two sons, we'll whisper lest we scar someone's dreams somewhere) who doesn't appear to actively cling onto fame, but is gracious towards the people that put him where he is today. He's also got a rather nice arse. But I didn't say that, right? |
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