Smart Girl's Story

Smart Girl's Story, told in a colloquial style.

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was altogether too smart for her own good. This girl who was too smart finished her first six years of grammar school, and her parents transferred her from a Catholic school to the public school system when she was 12 years old. This girl, who was never tall or slim or pretty or popular like the other girls, eschewed the social obsessions of the pre-teenager and threw herself into her studies in her first year at her new school. As a result, she was placed in classes with all the other smart kids.

In her second year at the new school, the smart girl took algebra. In her algebra class, smart girl's teacher did what many teachers do, and sat the class down in alphabetical order to make remembering the names easier. Now, it is very important to keep in mind that smart girl was also very short, and she had the misfortune of ending up at the back of the room by an accident of the alphabet. The person in front of her was a boy of Chinese extraction who, while not tall for a lad his age, was still taller than smart girl.

Naturally, the smart girl, being attentive to her studies, wanted to be sure she wrote down every single word the teacher put on the chalkboard. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't see over the boy's head. So naturally, being the resourceful young lady she was, she made use of the back of the boy's chair, and pushed her feet against it to help her sit up taller.

[brief exchange between storyteller and audience that's too funny to leave out:]

Friend: for goodness sake please tell me you didn't behead him
Me: Oh heavens, no.
Me: There were times I wanted to, though.
Friend: hehehe

[end exchange]

Now, this boy was also very smart, and he wanted to pay attention in class, too. He was, of course, annoyed by the small person behind him who kept jiggling his chair. In fact, he accused her of kicking his chair on purpose, in true 13-year-old boy fashion. The smart girl, rightfully indignant and never being one to back down from a challenge, immediately took exception to this sort of accusation, and gave his chair a good kick to show him who was boss.

The smart boy, not wanting to lose face in front of his male classmates by being bossed around by a girl, decided that there was nothing to do but retaliate. So he stole the smart girl's ruler off her desk. This, of course, did not sit well with smart girl, who was never a shrinking violet. So she again decided to show the boy who was boss by stabbing her pencil eraser between his shoulder blades in the middle of class, which made him yelp most satisfactorily.

And thus was born a rivalry.

It was a rivalry not only of who could annoy the other the most, but as the year progressed, it became a contest of who could get the highest marks. The rest of the class noticed this pitched battle, and swiftly chose sides until the entire algebra class was one great big boys-against-girls battle for scholarly and moral superiority. The pranks and taunting escalated until even the teacher noticed, much to the smart girl's mortification.

The smart boy was very crafty and was secretly in league with his nefarious male partners in crime. Mind you, this was in the days when computer technology was very new, and only one of the boys in the class had a scanner at home.

This boy, with the help of smart boy and a particularly devious pal, decided to embarrass smart girl to the extreme. So scanner boy took a school yearbook and scanned smart girl's picture into an image file along with the picture of the biggest nerd in the whole school. Scanner boy then drew a heart around the pair of pictures, and gave it to devious pal.

Devious pal, with smart boy's encouragement, hung this computer picture up in the boy's bathroom, where smart girl was too embarrassed to go get it. Now mind you, smart girl didn't have anything against the other kid who's picture was scanned, but she was most upset that smart boy and his cohorts would post such untrue material in the boy's restroom. So smart girl and her intrepid pals bravely trekked into the boy's lavatory (surprising a couple of older kids who were in there), and took down the picture.

After this little episode, smart boy and his nefarious pals found out that their plan backfired. You see, they only meant to annoy smart girl. They hadn't counted on her being so upset, and when smart girl confronted scanner boy in tears, he gave up the culprit. Smart girl vowed never to have anything to do with smart boy ever again.

So the school year ended, and smart girl had high hopes that she'd never see him again - it was a very big school, after all. The next year came, and on the first day of class, smart girl went to school with the embarrassing picture incident far from her mind. Much to her dismay, however, smart boy ended up in all but two of her classes. So not only would she have to see him again, but she'd have to see him all the time.

Smart girl and smart boy essentially picked up where they left off with some improvement. This time around, they were at least good-natured rivals, because smart girl wanted to prove she wasn't rattled by the picture incident, and smart boy really was sorry about the whole mess. As the year went on, however, they figured out that their thinking styles complemented each other, and that they made much better study partners than enemies.

So both smart girl and smart boy got better grades, but still kept up the poking and teasing and pranks, because it was fun, after all. Their friends, naturally, were highly amused by all the goings on.

I must take a wee tangent here: smart boy had an older sister, and this older sister was upset because she didn't have a date for the Senior Ball (a formal dance for the graduating class at the end of the school year). Smart boy and smart girl were discussing this sad turn of events one afternoon in the library. Much to smart girl's surprise, smart boy made her a promise. He promised that if they got to be Seniors in High School, and smart girl didn't have a date for the Ball, that he would take her. As friends, of course.

Smart girl half thought he was kidding, and laughed it off, and they didn't speak of it again for three years. During these three years, smart boy and smart girl got to be better and better friends until they were practically inseparable. He helped calm her nerves at her first debate tournament, and she helped him all she could when he got a crush on one of her friends.

Now, since smart girl never thought of herself as the sort of girl guys her age would want to date, she didn't really think anything of smart boy's close friendship with her. That is to say, she never thought his feelings might go beyond friendship.

But on one chilly Saturday morning, at a debate tournament, smart boy and smart girl were sitting in the hallway of the school, waiting for their turns to speak, and he put his head on her shoulder.

Smart girl was very startled. And she panicked.

The next day, after much agonizing over this sudden turn of events, she called smart boy on the telephone, and nervously told him that she didn't want to lose his friendship. She gave him the infamous "let's just be friends" speech. Smart boy put on a good face for her, and actually managed to fool her into thinking that he didn't have any feelings for her beyond friendship.

*horrified gasps from the audience*

And so things went on for their last year and a half of school, until the spring of their last year. One afternoon, while they were in the library, smart boy reminded smart girl of his promise. Smart girl, of course, didn't have a date for the Ball, and was planning on missing it, but smart boy convinced her to go with him.

Smart girl's mum put together a suitable gown on VERY short notice. It was beautiful - a lovely mauve color with a silk slip dress and a lovely lace dress in the same color to wear over it. Now, smart girl knew that smart boy had never been to a dance like this with a girl before, so she tactfully gave him a piece of the material and told him to use it to help get the colors right for the flowers and the vest he would wear under his tuxedo jacket. She crossed her fingers and hoped he'd get it right.

Now, smart girl and smart boy have, of course, had an amusing history together. The Senior Ball was no exception. Smart boy rented formal dress wear for the evening. He requested a black tuxedo with a maroon vest and tie so that he would match smart girl's dress without having to wear a *pink* vest and tie. However, when he opened his bag from the formal-wear place, he discovered that they'd botched his order.

Instead of his black and maroon tuxedo, he had black pants with a white dinner jacket, and a vest and tie in brilliant, vibrant purple. Naturally, since there were several formal events happening across the city that weekend, the formal-wear place did not have anything else that would fit him. So smart boy decided to make the best of it, and he went off to the flower shop to get smart girl's corsage.

Smart boy, naturally, is no slouch in the mental department, so he'd enlisted the aid of one of smart girl's friends and ordered a wrist corsage of pale pink roses to complement smart girl's gown. But of course, the florist got it wrong, and presented smart boy with a corsage of fluorescent pink roses.

At that point, smart boy was about ready to crawl under a rock and stay there for a week.

But never one to let a friend down, he bravely donned his brilliant purple and white formal wear, and got the garish flowers ready to give to his date.

To save money, smart boy and smart girl decided to have their fathers drive them to dinner and then to the dance. Smart girl's father dressed up in his best suit and drove off to bring smart boy to smart girl's house for pictures, and flowers, and other preliminaries.

Unsurprisingly, smart girl's father was somewhat suspicious of smart boy. After all, this young man was going to be responsible for his daughter for the whole evening. His *oldest* daughter. On her first real date.

So poor smart boy got in the car, and smart girl's father lectured him all the way home, telling smart boy that he trusted the young man to take care of his little girl, and generally loading on the guilt-trips and saying in every way but with words that smart boy had better not try any funny business.

So smart boy arrived at smart girl's house, looking very dapper, if a bit brightly colored in his formal wear. He took smart girl's father *very* seriously, and carefully kept smart girl at arm's length the whole time.

Smart girl accepted her bright pink flowers (tactfully not commenting on their color), and told smart boy that purple really was a good color for him with an impish smile on her face. Smart girl's mother took all kinds of pictures and gushed about how nice they looked, and all was very good.

Smart boy took smart girl to a very nice restaurant, where he managed NOT to spill anything on his blindingly white jacket or his brilliant purple vest, and the two of them had a very nice dinner. From there, smart girl's father drove them to the Ball, which was held in the grand ball room of one of the local hotels.

Smart girl and smart boy took great delight in the flabbergasted expressions on the faces of their friends when she walked in on his arm. For while everyone knew that smart girl and smart boy were best pals, they NEVER expected either of them to go to the ball, and certainly not together.

So smart girl and smart boy chatted with their friends and generally had a good time until the disc jockey started playing slow music. A lot of the couples started dancing, so smart girl headed for the sidelines, not expecting smart boy to want to dance with her. She didn't notice that she'd left a kerflummoxed smart boy on the dance floor, looking a bit desperate and unsure of what to do next.

So, ever a cautious young man, smart boy approached smart girl with a smile on his face and said, "You realize that we're going to have to dance together at least once now that we've shown up and surprised all our friends...."

And smart girl, being a bit too obtuse to figure out that he really *wanted* to dance with her, laughed and said, "Oh, definitely, that will really give them a good laugh for the evening."

*audience cringes with dismay*

So smart girl let smart boy lead her onto the dance floor, and he held her and danced with her as if she were the most precious thing in the world, even though his shoes didn't fit, and her flowers were making him sneeze.

Now, smart girl was very confused. But no idiot was she, so she finally figured out what was going on. She finally stopped being stupid.

But of course, neither smart boy nor smart girl had any real experience dealing with the opposite sex, so they didn't bring up the issue that night. At the end of the dance, smart boy took smart girl home, and she thanked him for a lovely evening, and then smart boy chickened out of giving her a good-night kiss, largely because he remembered smart girl's father's lecture.

Smart girl had a lot to think about over that weekend, and when she saw smart boy in school on Monday, she noticed that he was out of sorts. She tried to get him to talk to her, but he wouldn't. Eventually, the end of the day came, and they went home. As was their custom, smart girl called smart boy so that they could do their calculus homework together over the phone.

While they were doing their math homework, smart girl started badgering smart boy about what had him all worked up during the day. She coaxed and cajoled and nagged and begged and pleaded, until smart boy finally gave in. And with a voice that stumbled and shook, he said, "Well, I know we're going off to college soon, and all, but I really, really like you, and, well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of going out with you."

Smart girl thought she might pass out with nervousness, but she managed to respond. "Well, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of going out with you, either." Hardly the most romantic declaration ever, but they were very inexperienced, so they deserve a little leeway.

And from that day, smart girl and smart boy acknowledged that they'd won each other's hearts, however clumsy and roundabout their methods were of doing the winning.

The next day at school, smart boy and smart girl showed up for their last debate team meeting holding hands, and their entire circle of friends blinked in astonishment and then collectively screamed with glee because smart girl and smart boy finally figured out what everyone else had known all along: They were made for each other.

And, eight years later, they're still living happily ever after.