| THREE DAYS CONTINUED... |
| My husband was scheduled for a family session with me that afternoon. I was anxious, but when he arrived, I was glad to see him. We discussed many things that we needed to work on at home, and I felt hopeful that maybe going to this place wasn't as bad as I'd made it out to be. He asked if he could visit with me a little longer, though it wasn't visiting hours, and they allowed it. The next thing I knew, I was being rushed in to see the psychiatrist by the two nurses that I'd complained about upon my arrival. I protested, can't he see someone else first, since my husband is here? They said, he will see you NOW. So I went in, and I tried to explain that my husband was visiting, and he responded, why don't you home with him? I felt so let down, because I was only beginning to feel better and I knew deep inside that I still needed more therapy, most particularly group therapy. I asked why. and he said that the staff had been complaining about me. You see, my diagnosis is post-traumatic stress disorder, and I'd gotten aggitated with the psychiatrist and those two nurses, when I felt I was being talked down to or put off. I'd talked to a nurse on another shift, the chaplain, and my therapist about the behavior, and was told that no one would take it personal, because it was part of my problem. However, it seemed to me, that at least three staff members wanted me out, even though I had barely begun to find the help I was needing. Nethertheless, I deeply missed my daughter and the things of home, and my freedom, so I agreed to leave, though I was quite fearful I might wind up in the same situation all over again, since I hadn't had enough time to really learn about coping with stress and my fears that had me overwhelmed in the first place. Please pray that God will help me in these areas. As I was preparing to leave, I didn't let the other patients know the circumstances that had me leaving, but I gave hugs to as many as I could and tried to offer them a few words of encouragement. However, I couldn't find the strength to be kind to the nurses who I felt had pushed me out and were now pretending to care about my well-being, because of my husband's presence. I know I shouldn't have, but I told one that I hoped they would enjoy their little celebration, and the other nurse ran over and said that she didn't know where i'd get an idea like that, and I answered that the psychiatrist had stated that they had complained about me as the reason I couldn't stay. She denied it, but I said, oh yes he did, as I walked off. On my way home, I prayed and I forgave them and the psychiatrist for the way they had treated me Now that I'm home, I'm trying to make sense of it all, and our situation here may or may not be worse than before. I am simply praying that God will continue to get us through, and that I have learned enough to keep from feeling so overwhelmed that I will never need another escape. I did learn something very valuable through my time spent with the patients. I am not alone. Needing help for mental disorders is something that is real, and people, even professionals, are afraid to deal with individuals needing help, and tend to catagorize and dismiss these people, irrigardless to how simple or complicated the condition may be. I had been in the company of mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, even grandparents, who for whatever reason, had, most likely, been hurt by someone they loved and trusted, people dismissed and needing help,. I had connected, and we even seemed to be a big help to eachother . I am thankful for the professionals who show real compassion and are not afraid to help. I have also been reassured that God has given me the gift of helps and compassion. I have been told, in the past, that I would make a good counselor, and even before then, I had an interest in counseling. I tend to want to help, when I sense someone is in need. I am considering going back to college now, and perhaps pursuing a career in counseling. I will pray that God will give a clear answer and show me the way to go. |
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