Spending time away from Jim makes me think more of what he's said. It also makes me wonder what exactly he means by some things he's said. I'm wondering if I may be scaring him off by the feelings I find myself having for him. Maybe he's not ready for someone to care for him yet. At times I think I'm in love with him, but I really can't say for sure. I miss him when I'm not with him. I enjoy being around him. We have wonderful conversations. I find myself attracted to his personality, not his looks. I like the way I feel when I'm around him. I like how he opens doors for me, lights my cigarette for me, and carries my bag for me when I go to his house for the night. I even like the way he can read my mind when I'm thinking of something but I'm not sure how to start it off. Somehow he just knows. His honesty is so refreshing. I'm not sure how I could live with the lies and half-truths my husband told me. But no matter what I feel or how much I come to care for Jim I can't help but wonder what he means when he said, "I'm just hoping someone doesn't get hurt." Before that comment I had been looking at him. He tells me that at times I have this look on my face that he isn't sure what it means. I'm thinking I know what it is, but it seems to scare him some. He's always telling me he doesn't know where this is leading up to. Well, it's only been a month and 2 weeks, so neither do I. I know what I'd like to happen. But what I want and what is really going to happen can be two totally different things. Jim and I aren't the only parties involved. He has 3 children to think of, and that's very important too. I'm not afraid of being a parent-like person to 3 kids that aren't mine. I like Jim's kids. If I didn't like the children then I can't have the father. It's a package deal. And Jim didn't have to tell me that. I knew it on my own. Sometimes I wish I could see into the future, but at the same time I'm glad I can't. Right now I'm just going to enjoy the time I have with Jim and his kids. If it goes farther, fine. If it don't, I'll always have my memories. And Jim as a friend.