I have something in my mind that I want to address. But it's not an easy thing to talk about. We see it happening everyday. It's something that we have lived with all our lives. But no one really questions weather or not it's right or fair. What I'm talking about is being superficial. Most of my life I've longed to be something that I'm not. Wanted to be a girl like you see on TV. You know the ones that have the perfect hair, perfect body, perfect boyfriend, and the perfect family. She's so pretty and nice and everyone wants to be her friend. That girl doesn't exist. She isn't real. And she never was. So why was she created in young girls mind's? Who thought up what a "perfect" woman should be? Why can't people want to be different from one another? All through school I tried to "fit in" and be like everyone else. Now, in my old age (as my sister says) I enjoy being different. I'm one of a kind. And it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Sure, I have my days where I wish I was the size 6 girl on TV with the nice car and the great job. But then I think to myself, "There isn't anything wrong with you. You are a good person, you try to treat people the way you would like to be treated, and you try not to hurt anyone. The nice car would be nice, but the Tracker is good enough. Now, the good job I could take, but that will come in time." I don't understand why people have to fit in this nice little box to be called normal and wanted. What is normal anyway? Does anyone really know? I don't, and I'm not afraid to say that I don't really want to be normal if it's anything different then what I am. Sure, I have a few things I'd like to change about myself. But that doesn't mean I'm not good enough now. I was watching a show in TLC tonight that got me to thinking this. It was about babies born with both sexes or genitals that don't look like the "normal" genitals. They talked to doctors, parents, and adults that were born that way. The doctors say that they have to operate so the child appears to be "normal". The parents say they are only doing what the doctors say needs to be done. And what are the adults that had these operations done on them saying? "DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILD!!!!" One of these people, only a person that had several operations to make his genitals "normal" but also a psychiatrist and a certified sex therapist, said that in all of his time in practice and going to groups that have these "birth defects" he has not found ONE (underlined and in bold print NOT ONE) person that was happy with what the doctors chose for them. He says he neither feels like a man or a woman. He also says he wishes he has the genitals that God gave him at birth instead of what some doctor things he should have. And another woman stated that parents of children that are born this way should let their child grow up and decide for themselves weather or not they would like to have an operation or stay the way they are. And I agree with her. But the biggest thing on my mind in all of this is. What's wrong with being different?
I have so many other things on my mind too. Like why is everyone so raped up in there own lives? That includes me. Look at all of my thoughts pages so far. Most of them are about my love life. As if there isn't anything else in the world going on. I mean look at September 11th. I guess for the most part I've been playing it off like it's not that important and that it never happened. I haven't talked about it much to anyone. I'm mostly just in shock. Even today. It's not like I'm thinking like some people are about it. That we are the good old USA and we do no wrong. Bull Shit. We fuck up too and piss other countries off all the time. We walk into someone else's country say, "You aren't doing this right." Then try to make them more like us. We can't keep doing that shit and think that no one is going to get a little pissed at us. Yes, we do have it better then most. Yes, we over indulge in most things. Yes, we put our noses in where maybe it shouldn't be from time to time. But we do mean well. We aren't all assholes. It's not right to judge a hole country or culture on the acts of just a few of the people that come from that country or culture. I am proud to say, "I am an American." But I'm not always proud about what America does.