It’s amazing how one night, one small event can change your life, well change you, the person you are, how you think, perceive things, your attitudes to life and people.  You see once I was this enthusiastic woman, fighting for the rights of women.  I mean, I stood in Trafalgar Square and burned my bra; I got arrested numerous times for breach of the peace.  I was one angry lady.  Then bang out of the blue I find out it isn’t a rush, I’ve got eternity to fight and my anger goes.  Well yes it bubbles under the surface but that’s what they made me, I can’t help it anymore, I just work to keep it under control.

That’s enough of that, I guess I should tell you abit more about me, well my names Theresa, and I was born to an awfully middle class family in June 1950.  I’ve got one younger brother, Stephen, he’s a wimp and I have always detested his willingness to tow the line.  But then he is male and had the world at his feet.  Mum and dad expected him to do `A` levels, to get a degree, a good job, and a wife.  All they expected of me was I’d marry well.  I found this all very frustrating and the year I turned 16 I left.  Packed my bags and said good-bye.  Well ok not quite that final as it turned out, but at the time I meant it, damned if I was going to conform to their rules. 

Off I went to the big smoke, a rucksack on my back and everything to live for.  London, 1966, what a time!!  Of course my attitude brought me into the growing women’s movement, and yes I’m aware that it was probably bigger than I realised, but at the time, I thought it was small and I was hip and with it.  I squatted with others like me, doing drugs and keeping ourselves on the kind of jobs we fought against.  I worked as a secretary in some small business; to be honest I tried to block it out.  Tedious daily routine with no challenge, easily forgettable!  What I do remember were the nights, long debates under the influence of any and every drug.  The wonder Pill, meaning nights of inconsequential sex.  It was a great life.  And we really thought we were making a difference.

The years passed in much the same routine, faces came and went as people got married and settled into suburban life.  You see there were always two factions, those middle classers who were in it for a few years, til they found Mister Right, and promptly forgot us, and those for whom it was a way of life, no giving in, no surrender.  And yeah I had to put up with people thinking I was part of the first lot.  The die harders always waiting for me to declare my love for a one nightstand and move off to wifehood.  I think it surprised them that I didn’t, that I staid, helped keep things going.  My job paid well for those days and I managed to get my own place, just a small flat type thing in Kentish Town, but it meant I had freedom and independence which I was certainly not going to loose to some man.

And yes, most of the die harders were lessies, and the fact I was straight did knock everyone for six.  I never went for that manly look, I’m a woman and proud was my attitude.  I always thought that if you dress like a bloke and act like one you become one of them, and those lessies certainly had a very set attitude as to what made a fighter for women’s rights, and well you might guess I never really fitted into that.  Always the fucking loner me, never part of any one crowd, who wants a bloody stereotype dictating at you?  I didn’t that’s for sure.

I guess I met Rikki in 1972, she was bold and brassy like the rest of them, but somehow we clicked, we got on, we gelled.  Ok she wasn’t around too much, always off somewhere, turning up for the odd night of partying and then off before the dawn on some new campaign.  Only later did I realise the significance of her pre dawn flights.  But just as often she’d turn up at my door, glowing with pride and we’d sit up and chat, smoke some weed and laugh about the lessies and their anal attitudes to women.  Rikki had something about her, something special, I could never put my finger on it but she just had to walk in the room and everyone noticed her and wanted to worship her.  And yeah again ok now I know why and to a certain degree I can do the same, but back then it really made her shine, what with everyone following her orders and loving every minute of it!

Even cynical old me fell for her, me the straight one, the weird one, I couldn’t help but love her.  I have no idea how many of the others she visited, how many nights she spent talking to them, but I never asked, was never that curious as to the malicious she may have whispered in the ears of others.  She assures me that she never did that with anyone but me, but who really knows and who really cares huh?

By the end of 73 we were pretty tight, and she started to talk to me about herself, the places she’d been, the things she’d done.  And I knew it was more than one lifetime, you could hear the way she talked about things, the expressions she used.  It peaked my curiosity it ways that none of the others bothered with.  They couldn’t hear the age in her expressions the way I did and she noticed this.  Her visits became so frequent that if she hadn’t disappeared every day she would have lived with me.  I took to sleeping during the day just so could hear more.  It pissed off the lessies no end, they thought I’d sold out to some man and couldn’t bear to admit it.  What fools they were, and probably still are.  My feelings for the movement never changed, I still felt women had to stand up for equal rights and did my bit donating money, but I was far too busy talking with Rikki to do much else.

As you may guess we got pretty fed up with the scene in London, and one night Rikki suggested we skip town, just up and leave and head off for some adventures.  Of course I agreed, how could I not? Here was this vibrant exciting woman wanting me to join her on a trip, and exploration of the world.  Yes I agreed not realising she meant then, straight away.  I implored her for one more day, to get some rest and prepare myself mentally for what was ahead.  I guess I hit the right note and she agreed, it was sensible to sleep and pack a few clothes and close my savings account.  All of which I did the next day, not necessarily in that order!  But sunset on the 12^th January 1974 I was ready for high adventure.  Other than my skipping out of my family life I’d never done anything like this and my body tingled with excitement. 

Rikki arrived an hour after the sun had set and off we went, out of London and down to the south coast, hitching all the way.

Having never so much as thought of hitching before this made me a tad nervous, but Rikki looked so strong I knew I was save.  We hit Portsmouth close to dawn and Rikki dragged me into some seedy B&B for the day.  We had to share a bed as the other one was used over the window to cut out any hint of daylight.  Rikki was fastidious about it, and I had to ask why.  Her enigmatic reply was simply “ soon you’ll understand”.  I woke up while the sun was still up and crept out to find some food and have a bath, Rikki was just waking up as I returned.  She hurried me out of the B&B and dumped me in a greasy spoon while she went for “food”.  I was bloody confused, but made sure I ate enough to keep me going, knowing we’d have no lunch breaks on our journey.  When she got back we found a night sailing ferry to France and took the chance to stow away, again Rikki vanished for most of the journey leaving me to ponder whether or not I’d made the right choice.

We spent six months travelling around Europe before heading futher south into Turkey and the Middle East. It was a wonderful nighttime roller coaster of a life.  As the year drew to a close Rikki took me aside and gave me “ the talk”.  She explained to me that she had been dosing my food with her blood, and boy did I think that was strange, she pointed out I was stronger.  And yes I was a little stronger and didn’t notice pain until I was practically on the floor.  She looked at me and told me it was the gift of her blood, that I had been her “ghoul” since the night she invited me on this trip.  As she went on I realised that this trip was her way of testing me, of seeing whether I was worthy of her “gift”.  Almost right up until the end I still had no idea as to what her “gift” was.  She remained cagey as to details of what she was and why her blood made me stronger, but somehow I didn’t flee in fear or point her out as a witch, I loved Rikki and trusted her, damn it she’d kept me alive for a year in situations and places I’d have probably died in if I was alone.  And yet I was sceptical of the word Vampire, of what that really was, I wondered if she was mad, but only briefly, I’d seen her win over people that were out to kill us, move things that no human her size should have been able to.  After all she was a slight woman who looked to be in her early 30’s not some muscle bound lessie!  All the same it took some getting used to, I mean she wanted to bite me, drain me then make me drink from her.  Again I asked for a day to think about it, to look at the sun and imagine a life without it.  I may have spent the best part of a year travelling at night but I still got up before sunset and acted like a “normal” human, and after this I could no longer do that.  I wanted to stand under the sun and feel its warmth on my face one last time, to eat good food and not chuck it up, to fuck a man and feel the pleasure.  She agreed to give me the time, but I could tell she was a little sad that I hadn’t offered her my neck there and then, but I had to make sure this was right for me.

So instead of sleeping that day I walked around the markets and bazaars for the last time that day, I sun bathed under a mid day heat and swam in the sea.  I bought myself an expensive meal, and found some good company.  It was all the more thrilling because I knew it my heart that I would accept Rikki’s offer and this was really the last time I’d do any of this.  Before I saw my last sunset I phoned my parents.  Despite my vow to have nothing more to do with them, as I had grown older I’d also grown wiser and had kept a very erratic contact with them and my now happily married brother.  I never breathed a word of what was happening to me just chatted about inconsequential things until my money ran low.  I whispered good bye, not knowing if I would ever be able to speak to them again and then walked up to the roof of our hotel to watch the sun set on my mortal life.

The event itself was rather quick, and painful.  I’ve probably blocked a lot of it from my head.  We moved on soon after that back up to Europe, staying with a friend of Rikki’s, who had a rather nice pad in Germany.  It was here I learned what it is to be a vampire, learn how to control my abilities.  Rikki explained “ disciplines” to me and taught me how to make people love you, and how to make them do what you say.  So ok apparently this isn’t my “clans” power but she explained it’s usefulness, and yes it did take me longer to learn than the love you thing.  I also had to drink from her friend, something I wasn’t too sure about but when you don’t know the rules, you obey.

After a year or so I was “released” and I decided to wander a little on my own.  I trailed back through mainland Europe and back to Blighty, there I staid out of things, learning about myself and the changes that had happened.  I made a living from writing, both fiction and non-fiction, under a variety of pseudonyms.  As time passed I realised that the urgency that had occupied my mortal existence was no longer of any importance.  I had eternity in which to fight my battles, I could plan long term and possibly really make a difference.  Despite the heat in my blood, the temper constantly bubbling at the surface I made the deliberate choice to keep my head, to remain calm and study history and how I could effect the future. 

These days I guess I’m more like a monk or a nun, someone rejecting modern society and the restrictions it places on those who inhabit it.  I’ve taken a step back, I try to remain cold, calm collected, but my blood makes it hard.  It gets better with time, as I learn what triggers my frenzies, I avoid those situations, grow in the hope that one day my plans can be realised and everyone will be equal.  I know many will see it as a pipe dream, but then most people do not have infinity in which to scheme.  And well one thing I have learned is that this is what our kind do, we sit in the background and pull the strings.

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