Aisuru…Nikui

 

          Love…hate…they are both such strong emotions, overwhelming everything else. To love, to hate – to me, the emotions are the same.  They are both pure and very similar – reminding me of the old phrase “there is a thin line between love and hate”.  Yes – and for you and I, Inuyasha, it is a very thin line.

 

          Love – it is said to be a wonderful feeling, yet diverse in how each person feels it and expresses it.  Love is a wild emotion with a calming influence – so warm that it feels like the sun is constantly on your face.  And, like the sun, love’s warmth can become harsh and demanding.

 

          Hate – it is something nearly everyone feels during his or her lifespan and it is a feeling that many wish never to repeat.  We have long grown up thinking that hate is a negative emotion – yet it blinds (like love), it consumes anything in its path (like love) and it is an emotion that isn’t easily felt (like love).  And yet, I never knew until that day just how close Love and Hate really are.

 

          “I died hating you” – no truer words were spoken.  I died hating you – loving you.  As I breathed my last that fateful day fifty years ago my hate and love had swirled together into one indescribable emotion. It was hate; it was love.  Yet, it was something completely different.  Even if I had not died in that moment – even if I had been given time to ponder this feeling – I doubt I could ever describe such a feeling.

 

          It was my love for you that had allowed me to escape that girl’s body despite the despair that was holding me back – after all, back then, I could only wonder why you had betrayed me.  But then I was given my answer, in a way.  You hadn’t betrayed me.  And so I was left with my love…and my hate.

 

          It is the hatred in this body that keeps me going, and yet it is love that keeps me, Kikyo, moving – my hatred and love are still mixed in that one indescribable emotion – a painful ecstasy that burns my body to the core; pleasure so harsh it became pain and pain all-consuming that it became pleasure.  Yet I am a miko, and I do not let emotions get the better of me.

 

          But I have seen how you have looked at her.  Love, even if you don’t recognize it; love, even if you don’t admit it.  And there is pain too, yes, but it is mostly reflected in your eyes when you look at mean – pain and regret.  That’s not what I want – it’s not what I need.  Pain, regret, they are only shallow emotions – I need you to love me, Inuyasha; I need you to hate me! I need you to feel something pure for me once more.

 

          You will feel something pure for me – hate, love, it doesn’t matter anymore. I will have my way!  I love to hate you; I hate to love you. 

 

          And I will continue to do so – Forevermore.

 

Authors Notes:  Ooooooo, scary.  Well, I certainly never expected to write about Kikyo – she’s far from the top of my favorite characters list (Actually, I don’t think her name is even on my favorite characters list).

 

Who knows.  First Fluffy and now Kikyo – maybe I’m just good at writing about emotionless people. >.< *Sweatdrops as she realizes the angry glares the Fluffy fans are giving her*

 

            Well, at least about people who don’t…express themselves very well.

 

          But I actually like this theme about Kikyo – how her love and hate for everyone’s favorite hanyou are so intermixed that she can’t hate him without loving him or love him without hating him.  Or maybe I’m just sadistic. ^^;;

 

 

          Standard disclaimers apply and don’t forget to e-mail me at [email protected] with C&C!!  (Oh, and while you’re at it, will you submit some anime fics for my website? Pretty pwease? *Puppy dog eyes)