Love takes its shoes off
by Lady of Asheru
Rating: NC17
Pairing: J/D
Category: PWP/Humour.. fluffier than a Pekinese and about as long
Date: Feb 2002
Spoilers: not really
Summary: A slice of life between missions at the SGC
Disclaimer: not mine alas, only on loan
Notes: Thank you Ali for wonderful beta of an earlier draft (any and all subsequent mistakes are mine) and to Quercus and Sideburns for encouraging me to get on with this puppy!
Warnings: Don't try any of these positions at home
Jack sat in his office, staring morosely at his computer screen. As punishment for his fit of hysteria in the last department meeting, Hammond had given him the job of "sense-checking" the SGC business plan for the coming year before it went to the Pentagon. He wasn't the only one to have laughed his ass off when Hammond had misread the words "the difficulties of working within a fixed budget" as "the difficulties of working within a fucked budget," but Jack was the only one who'd had to leave the room to get the coffee out of his boots.
Page 4. "Our resources will be mostly human." They'd got that right at least. He still thought their mission statement could usefully be shortened to "We make order out of ordure," But Hammond wasn't having any of it.
Jack stretched, yawned and slipped a CD into the player. Lately he'd been extending his love of opera to more modern works, not least because it gave him plenty of opportunities to irritate a certain archaeologist. Daniel had been satisfyingly appalled by the liberal references to Budge in Philip Glass's "Akhnaten."
Jack turned the volume up. Lyrics he could relate to:
"We are old friends
I offer Love a beer
Love watches television
Love needs a bath
Love could use a shave…"
A message appeared on Jack's screen, from the Love he had in mind.
To: Colonel O' Neill
From: Dr Jackson
Re: Your next thrashing
Don't forget, judo at 17.00
DJ
Jack typed back:
To: Dr Jackson
From: Colonel O'Neill
Re: The harder they come…
It's not even 16.45 yet. See you there, over-confident one.
JO'N
The response was immediate:
To: Colonel O'Neill
From: Dr Jackson
Re: Looking forward to it
And don't forget Teal'c's cooking tonight (be afraid, be very afraid).
DJ
Jack shut the computer down, smiling to himself. Teal'c's cooking was not so much "food for the soul" as "food for the after-life," but what could you expect when the poor guy only had one ring and one saucepan.
Jack hurried downstairs to the gym. He was beginning to regret persuading Daniel to join their judo class. Daniel was now a star pupil; lapping up everything their instructor told them. What was it last week? Something from Lao t-somebody on the gentle way, or strength in weakness..
"Softness triumphs over hardness, feebleness over strength. What is more malleable is always superior to that which is immoveable. This is the principle of controlling things by going along with them, of mastery through adaptation."
That had led to a *whole* bunch of inappropriate thoughts, not helpful when trying to avoid being thrown flat on the mat by 6 foot of devious archaeologist.
He shouldn't have been surprised by how quickly Daniel had taken to it; it was after all "the application of the principles of non-resistance to take advantage of an opponent's loss of equilibrium." Or, how to get the other guy off balance, and then use his own strength against him. A few more weeks and Jack seriously doubted he'd be able to keep up, combat training notwithstanding. There were drawbacks to dating a ruthless perfectionist.
After quickly changing into his judogi, Jack ran bare-footed into the gym, skidding to a stop next to Daniel. Their teacher was demonstrating a complicated move to Janet, who had been paired off with Teal'c. Teal'c was looking nervous, and with good reason.
" The "Tomoe Nage", or circle throw, clearly demonstrates the advantage judo gives a small person over a larger one who relies on their strength alone," said their teacher. "Remember," he continued, "it isn't the size of a dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog which counts."
Teal'c bowed respectfully to Janet, who bared her teeth into a smile and inclined her head in return.
"Woof," Jack whispered to Daniel. This was going to be fun.
Janet shot her left foot deep between Teal'c's legs, grabbing the lapels of Teal'c jacket with both hands, and pulled him towards her, rocking back on her heel to knock him off balance. As he fell towards her, she pulled him down, bringing her right foot up against his well-padded stomach and swinging him over her head. Teal'c landed with a satisfying thud.
"Excellent!" said their teacher. "Now everyone else have a go."
After hitting the mat for the third time in as many minutes, Jack had to concede Daniel had the move off pat. He blamed his own poor performance on the distracting sight of Daniel's bare feet. Delicate gold spirals curled over the arches and round his toes - despite the application of a quart of nail varnish remover, Daniel had still not managed to remove the paint used by the natives of P6X002 to mark him as an "honoured visitor." All he needed was wings on his heels and he'd pass for…
"Hey Daniel, which god had wings on his feet?"
Daniel quirked an eyebrow as he offered Jack a hand up from the floor.
"Mercury, son of Jupiter and Maia. He presided over commerce, wrestling, and other gymnastic exercises, and thieving - everything requiring skill and dexterity. Um.. he was also Jupiter's messenger, and had a winged cap and winged shoes, not feet. Why?"
Jack started to chuckle, pointing to Daniel's feet. "Oh yes, I think we've just got your outfit sorted for Janet's next fancy dress party.."
Daniel looked down at his feet. "That's not funny, you know how hard I've tried to get this stuff off. The marines have given me hell about it in the showers."
"I kinda like it," said Jack, catching Daniel off guard and swinging him over one hip to the floor.
"No fair!" wheezed Daniel from beneath him.
"To lose is to learn," said Jack, resisting - just - the temptation to lean down and lick Daniel's ear.
"You just like being on top," said Daniel.
"I also like not being on top," said Jack. "Essentially, I just like."
Daniel could not help smiling back. "Later," he promised, before throwing Jack off with newly acquired ease.
After a quick shower, the battered trio sloped off to Teal'c's quarters to meet up with Sam, who'd just come back from the new off world training site. She looked indecently perky as usual.
"Hey, Carter, how'd it go - any trouble with the new recruits?" asked Jack.
"They're shaping up nicely, sir, and looking forward to your visit next week," said Sam.
Jack groaned. He'd forgotten about that. Hammond had press-ganged all of SG1 into the visiting lecturer programme. Public speaking was Jack's idea of hell on earth, or in this case P5X303.
"So what was your talk on?" he asked.
"Gate technology - or rather, how to get home with nothing but a bent hairpin, a flashlight and some jump leads," said Sam.
"I'm sure they'll find that very useful," said Daniel, passing round drinks.
Worryingly, Teal'c was consulting a book entitled "Olde Englishe Recipes."
"What are you doing yours on?" Jack asked Daniel.
"I thought I'd do something on cultural relativity," said Daniel.
Jack looked blankly at him.
"The principle which holds that all observers are not led by the same physical evidence to the same picture of the universe, unless their linguistic backgrounds are similar, or can in some way be calibrated."
Jack still looked blank.
Daniel continued undaunted, "The idea that each culture's concept of the "real world" is to a large extent unconsciously built up on the language habits of the group. No two languages are ever sufficiently similar to be considered as representing the same social reality. We tend to forget that the act of translation itself means that we incorporate a whole set of different cultural references."
Daniel looked over his glasses at Jack, who was trying desperately to look as though he knew what Daniel was talking about.
"Deep," said Jack. "Couldn't you start them off with something easy, like the 43 different meanings of 'Kree!'"
"There are not 43 different meanings," said Teal'c, opening a tin of chipolatas. They were obviously in for new levels of torture on the culinary front. "There are, in fact, only 27."
Jack figured it was time to move swiftly on. "How's Tinkerbell doing?"
Jack had bought Teal'c an iridescent fighting fish as a memento of their last fishing trip.
"I am worried about her, O'Neill. She seems to have gone off her food."
Jack peered into the tank. The Royal Blue Short Fin was standing disconsolately on its head at the bottom. Daniel looked over his shoulder.
"Perhaps she needs a fighting partner," said Daniel, surreptitiously pinching Jack's waist. Jack swatted his hand away.
"You could be right; I'll see about getting her some company," he replied.
Teal'c opened a packet of nuts and put them in a bowl on the table with a flourish.
"Ah," said Jack. "A pair of teeth."
The others looked at him, nonplussed.
"What my auntie used to call "aperitifs," explained Jack, to groans from Sam and Daniel.
"Why would one serve teeth at the start of a meal?" asked Teal'c, bewildered.
"Oh, never mind," said Jack.
"So what's your talk going to be on?" Sam asked Jack, deftly changing the subject.
"I dunno - any suggestions?"
"Diplomacy for the untrained?" suggested Daniel, sweetly.
"I think that's more SG9's line," said Jack.
"Goa'uld we have defeated," offered Teal'c.
"I thought I'd leave that one to you," said Jack.
"General Hammond has asked me to present a lecture entitled 'Working with the SGC - an alien perspective," said Teal'c. Daniel started to chuckle.
"What about something on effective team management?" said Sam brightly.
"Don't you start," said Jack, reaching for his beer.
"Your meal is almost ready," said Teal'c, staring dubiously into the pan.
"More beer anyone?" said Sam, diving for the fridge.
"So what's it tonight, Teal'c?" asked Jack.
"An English recipe called "Toad in the Hole," only the hole appears to be missing," said Teal'c.
"Just the toad then?" said Jack, swallowing nervously. Daniel kicked him under the table. Jack resigned himself to his fate. At least it was Daniel's turn to drive, which meant Jack could have another beer.
Several hours later, Jack and Daniel bid their farewells and headed home in Jack's truck. Daniel always complained like mad about driving it, but it made Jack feel safe to be surrounded by several tons of metal. An F-15 would have been even better, but he didn't think he could fit one on the drive.
By mutual agreement, they stopped off to pick up a pizza on the way back.
"We've really got to get that guy a microwave," said Jack, prising open the pizza box as Daniel drove.
"A decent cookery book would be more help," said Daniel, sniffing the pizza aroma appreciatively.
Jack scooted up next to Daniel, resting his left hand on Daniel's thigh for balance, and leant across with his right to offer him a piece of pizza. Daniel took his eyes off the road just long enough to take a large bite.
"Damn, how do you DO that?" said Jack admiringly, rescuing what was left of the slice.
"Practice," said Daniel smugly, after finishing swallowing.
Jack absentmindedly stroked Daniel's thigh with his left hand, splaying his fingers across the fabric in slow sweeps. He could feel the heat of Daniel's body through the thin material, the ridge of bone and muscle covered by soft skin. Daniel shifted restlessly and took one hand off the wheel to capture Jack's, bringing it to his lips. Daniel's clever tongue curled around and between Jack's fingers, licking them clean of all traces of tomato and basil. Jack closed his eyes, lost to the touch. Daniel sighed, and carefully placed Jack's hand back on his thigh as he slowed for a set of lights.
"I could come with you next week if you like," said Daniel.
Jack frowned, struggling to follow the change of subject.
"To your lecture?" said Daniel.
Jack looked at Daniel suspiciously. "I don't think I could trust you not to snigger at the back," said Jack.
"I could work on being silent but adoring," said Daniel.
"Thank you, but I think I'd find that just too freaky to handle," said Jack. "Besides, I prefer you adoring but noisy."
Daniel chuckled as he swung the truck into Jack's drive.
"I take it you would not be averse to an early night?" he said, turning off the headlights.
"Honey, you've always been poetry in motion," said Jack, leaning in for a kiss.
Jack followed Daniel up the steps to his front door. He could hear Molly's joyous barking as they approached. Daniel turned his key in the lock and stood aside as a canine cannonball shot past him, heading for Jack.
"Hello, my lovely, we're home, yes, we're home," murmured Jack, crouching down and rubbing noses. Molly turned and raced after Daniel, who was heading towards the kitchen with the remains of the pizza.
Jack hung his coat up in the hall and called after him "You know, we could always take that up to bed with us."
"Great minds think alike," said Daniel, emerging from the kitchen juggling the pizza box, napkins and a bottle of mineral water. The two of them headed upstairs, followed by Molly. Moonlight shone down on the bed through the window, a sharp rectangle of white in the dark room. Jack found the bedside light by touch and switched it on, put a CD in the bedside player and sat down on the bed to take off his boots. He lay back on top of the covers, still dressed, and watched Daniel strip down to his boxers. Messenger of the gods, in this case bearing pizza. Daniel put the box between them and stretched out, flexing his gilded toes in the welcome warmth of the room. He smiled across at Jack, that big "no one is watching us now" smile that always reduced Jack to a pile of rubble. Potsherds. Whatever. The CD player clicked into action, the soft sounds of "Songs from Liquid Days" filling the room:
"Love likes me
Love takes its shoes off and sits on the couch
Love has an answer for everything
Love smiles gently.. and crosses its legs
Well here we are, well here we are
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep…being in air
Sleep…turning to speak
Sleep…losing our way
Sleep…pour it all out
Drive… why do you ask?
Breathe... still is the night
Drive…it is much further
Sleep…than we thought."