| To Paolo |
|
Because I want to extinguish your fears, I will broadcast to everyone that I love you.
To start-- You are my nuni, my soulmate. The greatest achievement that I will ever attain and the only true love my life will ever come to know. I know that as much as you want to believe in my amorous professions, there is that doubt in you that you might be but a temporary flight of fancy for me. I wish that you wouldn't doubt. Doubting obscures that vision of our finish line. I have never felt this way about anyone in all my seventeen years of existence. I see you and the world brightens. I touch you, we fly. When we kiss, that is when we are without time. That is when we leave the Earth, when I stop caring for anyone or anything else, when we connect, when we are whole. Remember what I told you before? My life started at 16. It seems as if what came before you is but a hazy blur, like a dream, a monotonous dream that is an inescapable fantasy that I must see through. And when you stepped in, you breathed life into what was a hollow body that lacked a soul. And that is true. I had stumbled from one mishap to the next and with every fall I took, I deteriorated. Each mistake was a stab that weakened me and drove me into delusion. Each wound that was left never closed and it left me bloodied on the floor gasping for what was to keep me alive. Enter you, the lifeline I had for so long needed. I had thrown myself in quicksand and was eaten completely by all that was and is horrible. But then, that had not been bad. I would not change the past for every turn I took in its winding hallways lead me to you. Beneath the dirt was plane much greater than where I had previously been. I would have let you kiss me that day we were together at the fair, had I known that you were trying to and that you shared my feelings. Our meeting was followed by trysts and in those days we would see each other, you would successfully win me over and over again. I had loved you when you thought I despised you. I woke up one fateful morning and the first thing that I did was utter your name. You had enslaved me and you still have. I would follow you to the ends of the universe and back because you are my happiness. You have no idea what I will do for you, do for you to love me as much as I love you. I am your spaniel. You can beat me, abuse me, like me, adore me, neglect me, choose to keep me. You can do whatever you want, and I will stay with you. I will be by your side and not falter with my convictions. I will say my litanies to you, and worship every word that comes out of your full beauteous mouth. Every order is a request that I will gladly make true. Your every whim, I shall fulfill. I will make possible every impossible feat to make you fall in love with me over and over again. My devotion is to you, and only you. You are the only one who makes me and can break me. I liken you to a brilliant star that passes by once in a life time and I had been lucky enough to have seen you, caught you and made mine by a bond that is ours. You are what I prayed for. You are the knight I had asked for every night before I went to sleep. You are the salvation that I taste now. Time may have passed but my love for you has not. I am the mixture of the silly school girl who would send you messages while in class, the bestfriend that did not know that she was the cause of your pain, the girl that offered her heart to you and the future that is bright and waiting for us to cross that line and make it a reality. I can not imagine a life without you because you are that. My life. What I hope for, breathe for, strive for, dream of, think of and love with a passion that can rival the flames of the sun. I'm hopelessly, wrecklessly devoted to you and I don't mind. I love you, always and forever and countless eternities after that. I love you. |