AL and Kaeriel:

Of Fire and… Footwear

The city streets bustled with activity despite the frigid wind. Many people walked about, their heaviest coats pulled tightly about their bodies, scarves and hoods clutched about reddened cheeks. Each of the throng had someplace to go, though none seemed in any hurry. They meandered this way and that, nearly indistinguishable all from one another in the gloom. Street lanterns dotted the sidewalks, doing little more than casting the scene into greytones.

Indistinguishable, all… all but two. One pair stood out among the masses. One stood tall and broad of shoulder, one rather slight looking and just scarcely as high as the other’s chin. These two moved on cat’s feet, cloaked and hooded, walking close together for what little protection was possible from the wind. This strange and striking pair were an oddity to most, and thus given a wide berth by most people.

Such distance suited the taller of the two just fine. AL chuckled at the entire situation, poking his companion in the ribs so that she might take notice of the strange looks they were getting. The young woman easily read her friend, giving him a mischievous grin in return. It was a grin the man knew well, for Kaeriel always did like to toy with people she didn’t know. It seemed that she would have some fun before dinner.

“Ah yes…” She said, craning her head up to whisper in AL’s ear. “Stay far away from the resident freaks, arr bite bite bite!”

Her friend merely shook his head, unable to keep from laughing at the woman. The world would cringe in fear, Kaeriel had once told him, should they ever stand side by side. Indeed, she had been correct, and many things had been more fun since AL had invited her to stay with him for a bit. Mischief and great amusement had been a whole lot easier to come by with her around. For instance, simply walking through the city had become a game for the pair.

And again, Kaeriel began the game anew.

AL felt her slip from his side and move with hardly a whisper of her trailing cloak. The woman ducked and weaved straight for an unsuspecting teenaged couple that was busy snogging on a nearby bench. With another chuckle, he followed.

Kaeriel leapt up onto the bench between the couple and crouched there. The two hadn’t even seen her coming, and nearly jumped right out of their seats. She took hold of the boy’s arm, since he was closest, and peered wide-eyed into his face.

She threw back her hood and shook free her hair, allowing the boy a good look at her startling purple eyes and the very realistic looking faux elf ears she wore.

“Tell me lad,” she whispered hoarsely, “what year is it?”

The boy gulped, obviously frightened by the woman. He opened his mouth quite a few times, finally managing to give her the correct answer. Kaeriel shook her head empathetically, painting a worried look upon her face.

AL did his best not to laugh, even though he knew this little game very well. It was a favorite of his friend’s, and he knew this to be his own cue to join the fray. He hitched his hood closer about his face and stepped close to the bench, putting a hand on her shoulder. She did not respond, other than to further her worried look into one of horror.

“We must be swift, my queen. We seem to have come much to far, and we shan’t catch them if we tarry here.” He whispered to the woman, though not to quietly as so the bewildered teens could not hear. She nodded and rose, paying to further attention to the boy.

AL turned to the frightened youths, bowing low and graceful.

“A thousand pardons, my young lord and lady.” He offered the two, looking apologetic and concerned, though in truth he wanted nothing more than to laugh out loud. He held an arm out to Kaeriel and turned away, disappearing at a trot through the crowds with her in tow.

The two teenagers didn’t move for quite a few moments, blinking at each other in shock and confusion.

Quite a ways down the street, AL finally did laugh out loud, and his friend joined him. He pulled her into a one armed hug and slowed their pace to an easy stroll.

“Do you think that they ever believe in what we imply?” He asked with a chuckle.

Kaeriel looked ponderously up at him for a moment, still giggling at their games.

“I don’t think it really matters if they do or not, although we do look pretty convincing for the part. It’s funny enough to see the looks on their faces, isn’t it?” She replied, still giggling.

“Indeed, my friend.” AL agreed, pausing. “So where to tonight?”

The woman chuckled. “It doesn’t make a lick of difference to me. You know I’m not picky.”

“Oh that helps.” Snorted her friend. He walked on silently for a moment or two, peeking around at the different restaurants they passed. Finally he stopped, inclining his head towards one. “Chinese, my dear?”

Kaeriel snickered. “Sure. Then I can watch you try to eat with chopsticks again, whee-ouch!”

Suddenly she stumbled -a rare occurrence indeed for her- and nearly fell. AL grabbed her under the arms, guiding her carefully to the nearest bench. Concernedly he peered at her, for never had he seen the woman lose her balance like that. She hiked one leg on top of the other, rubbing at her left ankle.

“What is it?” Her friend asked, trying to get a look at the ankle.

Kaeriel winced when he tentatively touched the little red ankle boot. AL wrinkled his brow, not liking this at all. Something just wasn't right about this shoe...

"Here, take it off." AL said, looking for the edge of the Velcro clasp.

"In public?" The girl started in her most surprised and falsely serious tone. "Why sir, I most certainly will not!" She said, grinning goofily and holding a hand to her chest.

AL rolled his eyes. "The shoe, you twit! Bloody Americans...” He mumbled in the same half serious tones. She snickered at him. "You might have really hurt yourself."

He sat on his knees in front of Kaeriel, still unable to find the Velcro strip that held the shoe to her leg. AL fumbled around in the pocket of his jeans, seeking his knife. He doubted if his friend would consent to him cutting one of her shoes off, but he had to try. He thought that he might be able to distract her long enough.

"It's no wonder it hurts. I'd hate to say I told you so...” AL grinned up at his friend while still pretending to examine her ankle. "But I did. I called these 'ankle breakers' for a reason, you know."

"Well I found them in your closet. I didn't figure you'd keep them around if they were really that bad." Kaeriel replied cheekily. She was looking around them and trying very hard not to laugh at some thing or another.

AL frowned. Where in blazes had he put his pocketknife?

"Dear, I told you, I have no idea where those shoes came from. They weren't in my closet before. I'd only noticed them a few minutes before you showed up at the door! I had meant to throw them away."

A snort of laughter escaped Kaeriel. Her friend still didn't know why, and he looked up at her questioningly.

"Well I'm glad I showed up when I did. They're really cute, and if I do say so myself, they look rather nice." She replied, ignoring AL's look entirely and smiling at him.

"Shit,” AL whispered. He couldn't find his knife. He laid both his hands on his friend's lowered knee, then spoke up; "Kaeriel?"

She was trying not to laugh again. "Yes dear?"

"Please tell me you have your knife on you."

"Yes AL,” she laughed. "It's strapped to my other leg."

He sighed with relief. "Let me have it then, I need to get this boot off."

"Er, AL? You might want to get up."

AL looked at her, hoping against hope that she would let him cut the boot.

"Really, my ankle's fine now, but think about how this looks. We've attracted a crowd here." Kaeriel went on, snickering a little more.

He looked at her oddly for a bit, noticed she was serious, and then looked around.

People had formed a horseshoe around their bench. They were all watching the two of them with adoring and expectant looks on their faces. This was odd... people usually steered clear of AL and Kaeriel.

Now, each and every smiling person had an arm around their significant other, or their grandchildren (for many of the people were older), and was looking at the two of them with nostalgia and endearment.

AL looked back to Kaeriel... and then realized what their watchers must be thinking. Here he sat, on his knees, rummaging through his pockets.

"Damnit all."

He stood up hurriedly, lifting Kaeriel to her feet with him. AL looked at the gathered crowd. He knew how red his face must be, since he could feel the heat in his cheeks. Normally, he would have stared right back, and darkly, and people looking at him too long, but... for fuck's sake, these people thought he was proposing! To Kaeriel, to his best friend! That just seemed somehow... just so... wrong!

"Er,” AL started. "We're friends, I wasn't... shit...” He whispered the last, moving hurriedly past the puzzled people, Kaeriel in tow by the hand behind him. For his sake, she tried very hard not to laugh.

Chinese food... it's a strange thing, really. No matter where you get it from, or where you eat it, it is always fantastic. One could even ignore a cockroach skittering by under one's table, if only to munch in bliss on some shrimp lo-mien. The restaurant AL and Kaeriel currently sat had little to be ignored. To be sure, the place was really quite nice. But it would have mattered to neither, for neither was paying much attention to their surroundings.

AL's concentration was fixed on making his chopsticks work properly, while Kaeriel's was focused on trying to coach him without laughing too much. All was well. People in the restaurant were watching them more normally then; as in with a wary and just a bit nervous eye.

Kaeriel smiled. "I think you might have it. Now, all you have to do is lift your hand without moving your fingers." She told AL, who finally had his chopsticks held properly.

"Of course." AL replied. "The difficulty I'm having is getting to eat these annoyingly slippery noodles before...” He went to take a bite of his lo-mien, wherein it slipped off his chopsticks and into his lap. He sighed. "Before they fall in my lap and I look like an ass."

Kaeriel lifted her face from the crook of her arm, unable to keep from laughing.

"Sweetie, it's easy. You did the hard part. Look at your fingers..."

"Here, you can look at my fingers." He cut her off, grinning, and flipped her a double-duce. She scratched her nose with her middle finger in return.

"You can't suffer me eat with a fork, can you?" AL asked.

His friend scoffed. "Lo-mien with a fork? Of course not, that's almost blasphemous!" She pointed one chopstick at him in mock lecture. "The heathen gods of fortune cookies will rain fire and all kinds of crappy fortunes down upon thee, believe you Ow, what the hell?!"

There was a thud... the sound of Kaeriel's knee hitting the underneath of the table. AL looked at her concernedly.

"'Ow what the hell'? Is that the name of these heathen gods?" He said, trying to smile. In fact he thought he knew what had happened, but he would rather not alert... the shoes... to his knowing. His friend was rubbing at her foot once more.

"Seriously, I think there's a bug or something living in this boot. Something's biting my ankle. Ow, dammit...and hard." Her face scrunched up in obvious discomfort.

AL put his hand over hers. "Kai, I really think you should let me look at that ankle."

"Yeah, no shit. I can't just pull off my boot where all these people are eating." She replied with a half smile.

AL got out of his chair and went to find the hostess. Find her he did, and he told the girl of Kaeriel's problem. She nodded, telling him that she could hold their table, no problem. Of course, it is quite hard to disagree with AL, his cape-clad over six-foot height, big arms, chest and disquieting yellow eyes. Unless of course, you were Kaeriel, and this girl certainly was not.

He returned quickly to his friend, holding a hand out to help her up. She took it and hopped along on one foot to an outdoor table. Kaeriel sat in a chair, with AL seated backward in another in front of her, and tried to undo the fastenings of her boot. She couldn't do it, which was very strange indeed. The fastenings were simple; a buckle with a zipper beneath.

The buckle simply would not come undone. No matter how hard she pulled the strap, it wouldn't come away high enough for the hole to clear the thin metal spike.

Kaeriel shook her head. "I can't get it, hon, it's like the strap's glued down."

"Does it still hurt?" AL asked, worried.

"Ow, yes. Something's biting me, I swear. There's got to be a bug in there, I just don't know how it got in."

AL tried the clasp, and couldn't get it open either. He growled. "Let me see your knife."

"Really now, you don't need to cut it off. I just need to get whatever's making lunch of my foot to come out." She replied, proceeding to smack her ankle against the metal chair leg.

Nothing came out except for strange, pained screeching sounds issued from the boot currently being battered. The woman stopped moving altogether. She stared shocked down at her foot.

"Strapped just above my right calf, tip tucked into the boot." She said hurriedly to AL, and gingerly pulled up her right pant leg. "Cut away, and do please hurry."

AL took the knife from Kaeriel's boot. He placed it lightly against the rounded toe of the left one and looked up at his friend.

"I will not cut your skin..."

"I know." Kaeriel interjected. "I trust you, old friend."

He smiled. "Just don't move, not until I have it lose. Then pull away as far and as fast as you can."

Kaeriel looked at him puzzledly for a moment, but nodded. What did AL plan to do with the critter in her shoe that she would need to stand back? She didn't doubt now that the footwear needed to come off, but what was he going to do, blow the creature up? Whatever it was, she would find out in a moment.

AL nodded to her. He started his cut at the toe of the boot.

Then, something really strange happened.

Now, let me, for a moment, interrupt a bit here. AL knew that something was very wrong with Kaeriel's little red ankle boots. Besides the fact that they had a four-inch spike heel. They were indeed of the kind he called "ankle breakers", and the impracticality of said footwear made him roll his eyes in disdain. Besides his feeling toward this type of footwear, he knew something more was wrong. The "what" was a mystery to AL, but not the why.

You see, the day Kaeriel arrived, AL found the things in his guestroom closet. Kaeriel would stay in this room, so he thought to be sure there wasn't anything living in this particular closet, say, a nest of spiders. Women don't like spiders, as far as he knew, and even though Kaeriel isn't what could be called a "typical" woman, he thought it would be rude of him as a host to not even check. He found no spiders, mice, or any other unsavory manner of creature living in this closet... but he did find the pair of little red ankle boots. And he had no idea how they had gotten there.

He had used this closet on occasion... the shoes had never been there before. And the moment he opened the closet door, he had felt... odd. As though he were being watched. But a pair of shoes can't watch a person, he had thought, that would be a silly notion. Either way, he had meant to throw the things in the burning barrel. (So that the raccoons couldn't get at them... bloody raccoons.) But that could wait a little longer, he thought. AL still had cleaning to do, and it was stupidly cold outside at three in the morning. So clean he did, leaving the shoes in the closet, to be burned later.

And Kaeriel arrived sooner than he had thought she would, so he had forgotten them for the time.

Later on, AL's friend found them, while putting her things in said closet. She fell in love with the little red ankle boots, and against better judgment, AL told her to keep them. But Kaeriel never wore them... not until this night, which we shall return to now.

AL made a cut in the toe of Kaeriel's left boot, and some dark liquid oozed out. At first he thought he actually had cut the woman's toes, and he swore, looking up at her. But she merely stared down at him, wide eyed, but not in pain... shaking her head. The unearthly screech came again, issuing not from inside the boot, but from the boot itself! AL didn't need to finish cutting the thing off, nor did his friend need to quickly pull her foot out. The boot seemingly shot off of her foot, landing yards away in the cobbled walking street. There it was still, and it made no other sound. AL stared at it, daring it to move again.

"Holy hell...” Whispered Kaeriel, still seated.

AL whipped around. The boot would stay where it was, and his friend might need him. She looked up at him and he sat down at her feet, taking her injured ankle in his hand. There he stared in shock.

On the inside of Kaeriel's left ankle was a small hole. Though she wasn't really bleeding, something had tried to burrow into her leg!

"Are you all right?" AL asked with some concern.

"Yeah,” She laughed. "That must have been some huge bug, if it left a mark like that. I wonder why I didn't feel it hanging around in my boot before it bit me?"

Her friend stared at her... hadn't she seen that thick liquid come out of her shoe? Her toes hadn't hurt her, and AL hadn't cut her, so how had she not seen?

I was leaning down... AL thought. She couldn't see her foot past my head, but she did hear that sound... it sounded a little like a big cricket. But crickets don't put holes in people's skin!

"Can you walk?" He asked.

She grinned. "Probably a little, but with only one shoe? I probably would break my ankle then."

AL merely gave her a withering look. She giggled at it.

"I'll take the other one off, but you're carrying my heavy ass if we've got to walk through the snow. I'd rather not catch pneumonia on my vacation."

With one arm around and supporting Kaeriel, AL walked over to where the offending left boot lie. They hunkered down in front of it. For a while, both of them sat watching.

"Dear, whatever bit me will have scampered off by now. Why are we watching my shoe?" Kaeriel asked, with some amusement in her voice.

"Watch." AL replied, hoping he was wrong, and at the same time hoping he wasn't.

He jabbed the little red boot hard with Kai's knife. And lo, it squealed. Where it had been lying on one side, the boot righted itself.

"I was wrong, stupid bug's still in there." Whispered the woman.

AL stood with the speed of a snake, pulling something large from underneath his cloak. A flamethrower.

He pointed it at the boot and would have set the thing ablaze, but Kaeriel stopped him.

"Don't set it on fire, you penis! I could still fix the thing as soon as the bug leaves."

"Damnit, Kai..."

There is no bug, was what he wanted to say, but really didn't have to. A pair of alien, glowing eyes appeared on the toe of the boot. One sat on either side of the cut AL had made trying to get it off of Kaeriel's foot. The sole peeled away from the shell, opening to reveal a set of very sharp teeth. The boot, though it was not really a boot at all, hissed at the two human beings, and then lunged for Kaeriel's face.

Just in time her friend pulled her back to a safer distance. They stared at it, watching it seem to skitter around on the cobblestones toward a nearby tree. Kaeriel blinked her wide eyes.

"So sorry, I'm wrong again... Fry the boot." She said flatly.

It seemed that the "boot" had heard her, for it leaped, high over their heads. It was trying to get away, but there was no escape from AL and his flamethrower. He pulled the trigger, sending an arch of fire yards high.

The little charred ankle boot fell from the sky. It landed on the cobbles, nothing more than a crispy, flaming, unrecognizable lump.

AL breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to Kaeriel.

"Should I fry the other one, just in case?" He asked.

Kaeriel looked at the other boot in her hand. But only for a second... she tossed it beside the other pile of crispy critter, and AL set it afire with great relish.

AL and Kaeriel finished their dinner, hiding the woman's bare feet as best they could from the hostess and other patrons. Kai never asked her friend where he'd gotten the flamethrower, nor did she ask how he had hidden it under his cloak so well. With this pair, some things were better left unsaid. Later on, AL threw Kaeriel in a snowdrift for calling him a penis, but of course pulled her out once his point was made. Kaeriel thought this unfair, since she called practically all of her loved ones a penis in good fun at one time or another. So, in proper fashion, Kaeriel put all of AL's dirty laundry in his bed with him while he slept. A dirty, stinky pillow fight ensued the next morning, and all was well.

Thus ends the tale of fire and footwear. Thus ends the first adventure of AL and Kaeriel.