| Behind Closed Doors Chapter V |
| Michael groaned, and tried to keep himself from waking up. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, but it was no use. Slowly, he opened his eyes, and it began to dawn on him that he was going to have to move if he didn�t want a repeat of what had happened last time they had fallen asleep in each others arms. Come to think of it, he had never quite figure out what that was. . . . He rolled onto his back and propped himself up on his elbows. He realized he was cold in his silk shirt and loose-fitting slacks, the bottoms of which were rather wet from stumbling through the snow. As he saw it, he now had two options: A) He could go change, or B) He could get undressed and join her under the covers. He toyed with the second option for a few seconds before getting up and peering into the depths of his closet. Eventually, he settled on a pair of old black jeans, and a nice, warm, forest-green turtleneck. Having hurriedly pulled on the chosen garments, he stood indecisively in the middle of the room. Finally, he lay down on the bed a little way from her, and just stared. She felt someone move on the bed. For a moment, she thought it was Danny, which would mean that she was probably in her little �cottage�. At this thought she tensed without even noticing it. She realised that she was, in fact, not in her cottage, but somewhere else entirely, when a large, comforting hand reached over to stroke her. She opened her eyes, and as she did so, much to her disappointment, the hand was removed. She looked up into a pair of warm, brown eyes, that seemed ever so slightly nervous at the moment. She knew she ought to get up, or at least say something, but she was so very, very tired, so she lay there for a while, just gazing into those eyes, as they stared back at her. A quiet voice broke her trance. "Did he hurt you?" It asked her carefully, the eyes that seemed connected to it full of concern. ** "Did he hurt you?" What a stupid question, of course he did! Michael could have kicked himself the moment the words were out of his mouth. "No, I�m okay" Michael wasn�t convinced. "Are you sure? Is there anything I can get you?" "No, really, I�m fine" He sighed, and reached out to put his hand on her neck. Much to his surprise and delight, she didn�t even flinch. ** Right now, what she wanted more than anything else was a warm bath. She felt so dirty and stiff, almost as if she was covered in dried mud. This, of course, wasn�t a new feeling, but she hated it all the same. You have no right, a voice in her head told her, the same voice that had been with her since she was a child. The voice that was always right, just as it was this time. She really didn�t have any right to ask for anything more. He had already taken her in and let her sleep in his bed, what more could she want? "You�re absolutely sure?" He cupped her face with his hand as he spoke. She couldn�t imagine him hurting her, not now, but then, that wasn�t what she was afraid of anymore, was it? She was much more terrified of being asked to leave, of having this wonderful new feeling of being totally and utterly safe taken away. ** He felt so helpless. He wanted to take away her pain, or at least ease it, more than anything else in the world, but he didn�t know how. He wished she would tell him what she wanted from him, but that didn�t really seem to be happening for him. He looked at, silently begging her to let him know what to do. ** She bit her lip. She felt like she wouldn�t be able to stand this a moment longer. "Could I. . . . " She searched for the right words. "What?" He coaxed her gently. "Would you mind terribly if I. . . if I had a quick bath?" She looked down, away from his eyes. "Of course not. Stay here, I�ll draw it for you" He replied, sitting up, eager for something to do. "No, no, really, that�s okay, I�ll manage" "Oh. Okay" He said, lying back down again. He felt a little rejected, but reasoned that she probably still wasn�t quite comfortable around him. Fair enough, he could wait. He watched her get out of the bed, but though it best to turn away when he realized just how little she was wearing, so all he heard was a sharp intake of breath, followed by a strangled moan. He turned his head sharply to see her leaning heavily on the bed, breathing deeply. ** She managed to slip out of the bed and take a step towards the bathroom before the pain shot through her body. It was so intense and so sudden that she stumbled, and only just managed to catch herself on the bed. She couldn�t suppress a moan as she steadied herself, still leaning on the bed. Her back was badly bruised, and her thighs hurt from being pushed so far apart so many times. She was dizzy from pain and exhaustion. Through the haze, she heard her name being called, and, moments later, felt herself being lifted from the ground, and gently lain back on the bed. As the fog that had surrounded her mind for a brief period cleared, she saw a tall figure standing above her, looking down at her, eyes filled with fear and concern. When she tried to get up, he pushed her back down again. "Don�t even think about it" For a moment, she tried to find words to explain how much she needed a wash, but then stopped bothering, partly because he had gone to the bathroom, and she could now hear the taps running, and partly because deep down she knew that all a bath ever did was soothe her acing muscles. It never took the dirt away. She stared up into the ceiling until Michael came back a little while later. He sat down next to her, and looked at her with a questioning expression. She knew what the question was, and nodded in response. Looking a little unsure of himself, he got off the bed, and proceeded to position himself between her legs, which were dangling off the end of the bed. He reached to pull her nighty over her head, and she froze, wondering whether this was such a good idea after all. "Don�t worry, I won�t look" Michael reassured her quietly. She wanted to tell him that she didn�t mind, he could look if he wanted to, even if there wasn�t much to look at, but instead she just smiled at him, his cue to continue. He was as good a his word, and, as he pulled off her dress and panties, he kept his eyes fixed on hers the whole time. When she was finally undresses, he picked her up carefully and carried her to the bathtub, his eyes still locked on hers. Gently, he placed her in the bubble-filled basin. His sleeves got soaked, but that was past significance. When he was satisfied that she was comfortable, he figured he had better go, it didn�t seem proper to hang around while she bathed. He got up and turned to leave. �Stay. . . � Her voice was so quiet he could pretend not to hear it, should he want to. Of course, he didn�t want to. Instead, he turned back to see her reaching for him, huge eyes pleading. He smiled gently at her, and sat down next to the tub. He positioned himself so that he was sitting close to her head, facing her. It wasn�t a very big tub, and there was only just enough space for her to lie in it in relative comfort. Michael rolled up his sleeve a bit, and rested his arm on the side of the tub, with his fingertips dangling in the water. He swirled them around, making little circles on the surface. The moment she had asked him to stay, he had decided that this was her space(another term he had picked up from those psychology books he always read when he was bored), and he would just go along with whatever she wanted. After having sat there for a little while, she looked at him for a moment, before quickly looking away again. Suddenly, she took hold of his wrist with both hands, and guided his hand up to her face where she positioned it so that it was cupping her left cheek, the cheek furthest away from the owner of the hand. She placed her own hands over his, and pressed it into her face, before closing her eyes and sighing deeply. Then, eyes still closed, she began to rub his hand all over her face. Much as this caught Michael off guard, he didn�t say anything, but simply watched as she nuzzled into his palm. She seemed to be almost enjoying it. The way she did it reminded him of a cat, rubbing it�s cheeks on it�s petter�s hand. After a few more minutes, she let his hand sip down til it was high on her chest, and rested her own hands on his wrist. She sighed again, and relaxed completely. Michael could have jumped for joy. This was closer than he�d ever gotten before, mentally speaking, and when she opened her eyes again, a barrier seemed to have dropped. It wasn�t completely gone, there was still a lot of work to be done, but he could definitely see a sliver of light through the cracks. Maybe there�s hope after all, he though to himself, as he smiled warmly at her, hardly able to contain his joy. They must have sat there for over an hour, before Michael noticed the water getting cold. Reluctantly, he got up and went to the linen closet to find her a towel. After rooting through it twice, he found what he was looking for; A large, thick, soft, and totally unused beach towel, with a clownfish design on the front. On the way back to the bathroom, he picked up one of his T-shirts for her to wear. Somehow, the silky nightdress she had been wearing seemed too intimate, not to mention the fact that it was rather wet. When he got back to the bathroom, he was suddenly unsure of himself. He looked at her with a questioning expression. �You want me to . . . � �No, thanks, that�s okay. I can manage� �Okay� He put his bundle on the toilet and left. He sat on the edge of the bed and considered his next move. There was no way she was going back to Danny tonight, that was for sure. If he had to tie her to the bedpost, he would make sure she was safe and comfortable tonight. Isn�t that a contradiction in terms? A voice asked him. He ignored it, and instead decided that she could sleep in here for the night, and that he could go and make up one of the much less comfortable guest beds for himself. On the other hand, she probably wouldn�t like the idea of sleeping in his bed, in which case he would make up a less comfortable bed for her, but that didn�t seem right, either. . . . By the time she finally came out, which, in actual fact, probably wasn�t more than 15 minutes later, he was getting rather confused. By now, he had quite a few ideas on their sleeping arrangements for the rest of the night, but, tired as he was(it was almost three o`clock, after all), they all seemed to be running together, and none seemed quite right, anyway. He decided to offer the one he would rather have her accept: �Why don�t you sleep here tonight?� He asked her in a soft, inviting, though some what timid voice. She looked up at him for a moment, gratitude shining in her eyes, before lowering her gaze and replying: �No, I, I couldn�t. . .� His heart sank. He knew he shouldn�t push it, but he had to know. �Why not?� �I don�t want to bother you anymore� �You wouldn�t be, I promise. I could sleep somewhere else� �NO! I couldn�t kick you out of your own bedroom � �I could stay, if you wanted me to. . . � �Really? You�re sure I wouldn�t be bothering you?� �No, I swear� She smiled softly as he continued: �Well, that�s settled, then� �Promise me you won�t do anything you don�t normally do, just because I�m here?� �Promise� He smiled at her. �Look, why don�t you get into bed, and I�ll go change� �Which side?� She asked, and he answered by pointing to the right side of the bed, the one nearest to the window. It was 3:15 before he finally climbed into bed beside her. He lay rigid on his back, mimicking her, wishing he could hold her, but knowing better than to try. ** She lay on her back, being a quiet as she could. She was cold, and already she could feel the hands on her, those cold fingers touching her where she didn�t want to be touched. . . . She wanted to scream, to twist and turn and try to get away, but instead she just closed her eyes, inhaled the faint scent on the pillows as quietly as she could, and tried to forget about it. Of course, as she knew from experience, that was impossible. Finally, she took a decision she knew would get her a slap, but she didn�t really care, as long as it got her away from where she was now. She turned her head and looked at the figure beside her. More than anything, she wanted him to wrap her in his warmth, and let her stay there until she fell asleep. �Michael?� Her voice was soft and shaky, uncertain, and barely audible. �Yeah?� �Hold me? Just for a little while. . . � �Sure� He turned onto his side, and opened his arms invitingly. When she had moved as close to him as she could, he locked his arms tightly around her, blocking out the hands as he did so. She slipped her arms around his neck, put her head on his chest, closed her eyes and listened to his heart beat, sighing in contentment. As he kissed her hair and whispered goodnight, she couldn�t remember when she had last felt this good. He stroked her hair for a long time, loving that not only could he hold her, she actually wanted him to. It was more than he had ever dared hope for. Finally, after relishing the feeling for quite some time, he drifted off, too. The next morning, at about 10 am, she slipped out quietly as he slept. |