My feet crunch through the layers of icy snow; the midnight air coursing through, tightening my athsmatic lungs. I am free. I scream to the sky, not of terror and entrapment, but of freedom. I want to howl to the moon. The city is freedom, the city is cold air. The tiles, the buildings, the lights. Course through me, over me, surround me. I am free. Always will be free as long as I capture this moment.
I run, I scream. It hurts, it feels good. It feels good as I reach the train as it pulls out of the station. I laugh and laugh. I am mad, but I am free. And I love it. The city is freedom. It pulses, courses through. I have lost all fear. I spend too much money. I spend it on discount stuff. I look at each person anew, meet their eyes, smile honestly with a little mystery. I am free. This beauty, this feeling, let it last forever. It is home. The train runs down the tracks. I love life. I love it all. I want. I want. I want. City university, ghetto dreams, cars, trash, grey. Night-light shines up, shines through.
The smell of the city lingers on me. My own sweat. My body mixed with the smoke of trains. My life's blood. The smell of old books, of old clothes. Of cheap food in seedy restaurants. Catching a smile. Wanting every person - I dare to meet their eyes. Letting me be who I am not. Laughing, crying, this is freedom. I am no longer afraid.
What you left me with is far more than what you took. Come through me again. Know me once more. You're better than caffeine, fuller than love's action. I am home in your arms.
I don't know what it is about the city that's so attractive to me. I never knew the strength of that attraction before now...