Time: 1:21am- Saturday

Place: My apartment, Gotham City

The pain is a little too much for me to bear. They’ve been keeping me up all night and painkillers just don’t seem to work anymore. Maybe the dosage should be stronger—I’m not even sure if these pains are supposed to be felt within one. I need to keep myself occupied and this just seems like the reasonable—Slag it!! Am I supposed to be getting such a SHARP pain? Sure, I’ve been stabbed before, but the pain... it just seems a lot worse this time. Sorry if it sounds like I’m complaining, but at least I know that you won’t mind hearing me bitch about it.

It’s been three almost four days now, since all of this has happened. I’m pretty much bed ridden, Doc Leslie won’t let me leave the apartment and I’ve got two guards making sure that I don’t leave the dwelling. Yep. You guessed it, Wally and Bruce. Wally hasn’t left my side since that night, except to go out to the store or something like that. Though, Lord knows how fast that man is, so it won’t take him long before he’s back.

I tried to escape through the window last night. I was finally able to get out of bed. All

I wanted was a bit of fresh air, so I headed for the window. Ha! Wouldn’t you know, I had a pointy-eared visitor and told me to get back into bed? He made sure that I stayed too. He told me, “If I catch you trying to leave again…blah, blah... SOMETHING.” I wasn’t really paying attention to him. The medication that I’ve been on has been, has been having this effect on me—I blank out, fall asleep. Whoops! Woke up again about two hours later and he was gone, Wally was in his place. He’s such a Sweetheart, you know? I love him dearly, but I just can’t see how he puts UP with me. It’s like—I’m getting hurt majorly about once every six months. Jeez—That much?? Am I loosing my touch?

A while ago, I had woken up in a cold sweat; that and with the sharp pains I’ve been getting ever since they took out that point and stitched me up. The images I saw while my eyes were closed. It was... as if I were experiencing that whole night again. Everything seemed to so clear, so vivid. I remember seeing Nightwing’s sleek body behind the glass of my balcony. Me going over to let him in, his voice was as clear as a bell. I could have sworn I was right back in that time and on that day. He… kissed me, again. Ya know, I haven’t even bothered to tell Wally about that, that one or the kiss he gave me a few months back—maybe you remember me telling you about that. I’ve been getting this strange impression that Wally knows about that one…. Especially. Maybe Dick told him? But, what I remember most from that dream, from that day, and I know I’ll NEVER forget it… was the look he gave me as he plunged that blade into my lower abdomen. I could not only hear and feel the skin tear, but the LOOK was what scared me. It almost looked like he was enjoying it. When he pulled out the blade and stabbed me again it was at that point, I thought he was really going kill me. Seeing my own blood on my floor, surrounding my body, I clung to him in utter shock—the next thing I knew, I lost consciousness and woke up. My heart was pounding about a thousand beats per minute, well, maybe not that fast, but it felt like it anyway.

Later, of course... when I regained consciousness, about two days ago, Bruce told me what really happened. Some sort of demon named “Julianna” was within him. And she was the one that caused him to act. He brought proof with him, and showed me. I didn’t know whether to believe it or not—though, I know Bruce has always spoken the truth with me. It was hard to even think that some demon was inside him, know what I mean? Maybe you don’t deal with witches and demons and super criminals everyday, but I’ve run into that kind of thing a lot.

When Dick came by later that night to see how I was doing, something within me, which felt more like fear, reacted. After a small scuffle, he left. With everything happening, I honestly don’t now if I’ll be able to trust that man again. Maybe it was the fact that we’ve known each other since we were about eight or nine, and ALL of those years of trust, everything we worked so hard for is just… LOST now. Deep down, I know I still care for him, I will no matter what comes about. But, the fact that he did THIS to me, and knowing he did this to me, is just unthinkable. Dick’s a good man, I know it, but *why* didn’t he fight this force? He has such a high strand of morals one would think he would have the mental willpower to push away from that, but apparently, I for one, was wrong. Will I ever talk to him again? Yes, possibly. Will I forgive him? ….over time, maybe. CAN I forgive him? …………. I don’t know. Only time can tell.

For the moment, I’m down, but I’m not out. The pain is starting to come on stronger and—just got a blip on the computer (a call). I may not be able to get into my Batgirl suit for the next couple of weeks or DAYS, depending on if I’m a good girl or not, but my other alias can take over from this point. I’ll come back to you after a while, I promise.

--END LOG--