March 9th, 2002
12:05 am—ARUGH. Guess that means
the date is March 10th
Gotham City, NY
Personal Babbling
[[Open: Voice log.]]
//Auto translate from English to
Japanese//
**
>Konichiwa,
>Man,
I haven’t done this in quite a while. I guess I really haven’t had too much to
say. Maybe I just didn’t feel like ranting to you, maybe I figured you could do
without the annoying voice in your ‘ear’. AM I annoying? Please tell me the truth?
Lately things have been surely feeling like that. It seems like one person’s
yelling at me, while another is trying to restrain me from doing something.
>Did
I tell you I was in the hospital the other night? No?? Oh. Well, I was. I kept
getting strong CNS pains and…. It was getting so bad that I actually had to go.
But you KNOW something?? You would have been PROUD of me! I wasn’t hardheaded
and stubborn this time. I didn’t wait, really! I even dialed the paramedics to
HAVE them come get me. Heh—what’s that? Yeah, I was pretty desperate. The pain
was so bad I couldn’t stand it anymore. Sucks big time, yes, I know.
>OH,
and you know something else? I’m almost done with your complete programming. So
pretty soon here you’ll have a HUGE vocabulary and be able to freely converse—WHICH
will be nice, because most times I have no one here TO talk to, well, besides
Kara. She’s such a sweet girl. And you KNOW I had to update you! I know it made
ouchies here and there, but now I bet you feel one-hundred percent better. Huh?
>Do
you remember me telling you about AMEE? The computer I programmed into the
Titan’s computer? Well, yer gunna be like her… but I’m still tweaking on whether
to make YOU with a personality of a male or female. Most likely it’ll be female…
I don’t have to many girl friends anyway….
>…what’s
that? You want to choose your OWN name? Oh man. I really must have programmed
YOU good. So… no “AMEE 2” or anything? …..no? Okay. Well, when you find a name
YOU like, you tell me and we’ll… debate it, alright? ….good!
>I
KNOW! I’m wondering off subject and I’m sorry. I’ll get back on topic… WHERE
was I? Oh yeah! So anyway, I was in the hospital paying in my room, being a
VERY good girl, not disturbing anyone, not throwing a fuss or anything like
that, when Dick bursts into the room with my dad and me. “Wallace West”—my honey
muffin—“…is an addictive smoker.” Then he left! I was so out of it, I don’t
even think I heard him right. But that’s what he said. What if Wally IS
smoking? ….KICK his “arse” out!? NO
way! I can’t, I love that man WAY too much to do that. But, he doesn’t do that
around me or anything—but what he’s doing… he just CAN’T do it! I mean, if he
IS smoking or not. For who he IS, he can’t afford it.
>Anyway, a while later this
doctor woman comes in. She was a physiologist. She was there to consult ME.
I’m still pissed as hell about that. How DARE they! B*astards. She kept asking
me annoying questions, and I kept giving her annoying questions back. I never appreciated
being assessed by her. I don’t know what she told Dick or the others when I was
done. But I’m REQUIRED to take anti-depressants now. On top of my pain
medication, and things. And the stupid Gypsy won’t even give me back my glock.
Mutha f*cker. Doesn’t he know that that gun is an ISSUED one? Then after that
whole session with that doctor Bruce came in and told the guard at my door to “leave”.
Once he did so he stepped into my room and shut the door. At that moment, that’s
when ALL hell broke loose.
>Bruce found out about what
I tried to do and… boy. I really got punished for it. He yelled—in HIS own dark
and scary way and—woo. When Bruce is MAD, it’s like when God brings forth his
mighty vengeance. He’s NOT GOD. But he DOES bring forth a mighty vengeance if
disobeyed…. Or pissed off for that matter. When he was done, he stormed out of
the room leaving me in tears.
>When they finally let me
OUT of the hospital to go home, I thought I would have a peaceful night by my
own self, but I didn’t. BRUCE came to my door. “Come on. We’re leaving.” I
looked at him with that ‘What the hell are YOU talking about?’ kinda looks. “YOU
have someplace you need to be.”
>“Work??
You’re taking me to WORK!?” Without thinking I grabbed everything I needed. My
badge, overcoat, messenger bag and started out with him. We drooove… we drove
RIGHT past the police station. “Bruce… you passed—“ It was then I realized he
didn’t MEAN work. He duped me.
>We
ended up at the convention center and he parked the car and helped me out and
we started in. He signed some sort of form when we entered the door. When I got
closer to the main room I froze right in my chair and started backing up for
the door. He BROUGHT me to a support group! Can you BUH-leeve him!?? I started
quickly for the nearest exit but he caught me before I got there.
>“You’re not going anywhere.
You’re getting the help you NEED and it starts now.”
>I wanted to hit him. I
wanted to hit him SO hard. “NO, I’m not!”
>“Yes, you are.”
>“Like HELL!” I don’t need
HELP. I can handle my problems on my own.
> “YES, you do.” He walked
around to face me and kneeled to get at eye level with me. “You’re leaving us
NO choice. We love you, Barbara and we don’t want to see you hurt. I know it’s
going to hurt talking about things, but it’s going to help you SO much.”
> “You’re going to make me
relive my nightmare once a week. Was this your f*cking PLAN!? Have you ever thought
how HARD it is for ANY woman to TALK about….”
>“I
know. But talking with other women about similar situations, you may find it
easier to cope with what happened to you.”
>At that point the tears
started flowing down my cheeks. I didn’t want to face anyone about—WHAT? Oh...
that’s right, you don’t know, do you? Well, a while ago I was kidnapped and the
guy who paralyzed me…. raped me before he put those three shots into my abdomen.
That was the second time it happened to me. But the guy who did it the first
time to me was… the other guy’s… brother. PLEASE make sure you’re the only one
who knows about it. I don’t want you telling anyone, I don’t know if I could
deal with that. Yeah. Thank you. Erasing that from your memory would probably
be the best thing. What happened next…?
>I cried… I didn’t want to
go into a room with strangers and tell them about what happened. I didn’t want
to see the images I constantly see and I didn’t want others to feel SORRY for
me. Why won’t anyone just leave me be in that area? – yeah… I did. It just
started to hurt so bad that I did it, I put a gun to my head—I wanted it to
end, to make it all stop. It was wrong and I shouldn’t have, I never WANTED to,
but… it really just came all out. He picked me up and carried me into the
convention hall and we sat down, together. I spent most of the night scared out
of my mind and my face buried into his neck. SOME woman came up to Bruce and
introduced herself, but I stayed quiet—kept trying to plead with Bruce to take
me home, but it never worked. We stayed there... and now I have to go every week—he’s
making me.
>I still haven’t told Kara
about what I did. And I hope no one else told her, because… I want to
tell her what I did. I have to tell her, she deserves to know. I may get “scolded”
but I love her and I don’t want to do something that’s going to hurt either one
of us. Yeah.. I think that’s what I’ll do. Maybe she can come over. I think I’ll
call her and find out.
>What’s that? You… found a
name for yourself? What can I call you then….? Sari?
Sar-ee. That’s nice. Sari. YES, that’s acceptable. Alright—I will call
her. I’ll do it right now.<
//Auto translate from Japanese
to English//
End Log