Date:  Monday, something-something-something

Place:  Metropolis Central Park

Time:  Oh Dear GOD, don’t ask.

 

Dear Diary,

 

            We have a SERIOUS malfunction, Diary!  Earlier today Kon-El busts into the apartment, screaming, “CAR-EL’S HERE!”

 

            Oh holy fuck.

 

            Do you even know who Car-El IS diary?!  First off, lets not be thrown off by the “-El” part.  It’s a region thang, not a blood thang.  At least on Argos.  Krypton, is a clan thing, but still not associated by blood.  (Like… do you relate Mel GibSON to Cliff RobertSON?  No.  That’s KINDA like the “-El” title.)  Secondly, Argos has a number of traditions, one including the PRIMITIVE act of shi'ana AKA shi’ana.  Heh.  Shi’ana is, roughly translated to English--VERY roughly--“betrothment”.  Betrothment being the act of premarriage of one’s child to another’s family.  ANYWAY--Car-El and I are… EWWWWW, betrothed…  *GROSS*!  Car’s all for it, I’m not!  Kon says that Car announced that he and I need to--GAH--recreate the Argonian race…  GROSSGROSSGROSS!

 

            So, I talked with Car a bit about an hour ago.  Had to light him on fire to get him away from me!  It’s like TOTALLY Creeper/Harley interaction, only with all the insanity shifted into his mind, which is the equivalent of an over-hormonal teenage Earth jock.

 

            BARBARA, KYLE, BRUCE, KAL-EL, barbara, kyle... bruce, kal-el... Barbara, Kyle, Bruce, Kal-El.... Barbara, Kyle, Bruce, Kal-El…  I SHOULD tell one of them…  And I will!  I’m not as bad as them…  But I’m gonna… tell WALLY FIRST!  HA!  Wally and Kon are fucking perfect to help me with Car!  Car-El Denzin. That’s his FULL name.  (Like MINE is Kara Inzing Zor-El, blahdeblahblahblah.)

 

            Diary, you don’t understand.  The man ran around in DRAG.  Have you ever SEEN a DRAG-QUEEN from ARGOS?!  He said it helped him hit his Gelt (Yin and yang).  And I can’t TELL you about the stupid serenades.  “KARA [pronounced Carr-ah there], you and I shall make BEAUTIFUL magic, so get down here and SWIVEL on my BRANCH of LOOOVE” -- again, roughly translated, and be thankful, Diary.  Home-base language--it’s worse.

 

            I told you he’s like a jock here, right?  Yes I did, don’t lie.  One time he jumped me during a presentation in the Astro-quarters in Rayal [Rayal - City of Stars].  The idiot needs to be commited!  YES, Argos and Krypton were peaceful societies, but we had our fair share of criminals and loonies!  HE WAS in NOTHING but a THONG!  “Kara, you took my pants from last night, didn’t you?!”  “NO!”  “Oh, OH!  Is that it?!  You have me then leave me!  I’m--I’m feeling used!”

 

            AAAAARGH!  He’s my own personal STALKER!  And now he has super-powers!  HOW did *he* of all people survive the destruction of Argos?  HUNH?!  I DON’T GET IT!

 

            I realize that this situation could turn serious at any moment, diary.  I know that, but right now, it’s NOT serious.  He was dressed decent when I met up with him, pre-my lighting him on fire… but there’s no telling what he--wait.

 

            Okay, I’m hearing him……………  Oh shit, he’s coming and he’s naked… and in blue body paint…  OH MY GOD…  I soooo need help!!

 

Gotta go!

Kara