DATE:  SOME DAY

PLACE:  SOME PLACE

TIME:  SOME TIME

 

Dear Diary,

Dear Journal,

Dear Stogey-Mon,

Dear Typewriter,

 

     Well, it’s starting to happen.  Barbara and Wally are going to get married.  I don’t know if I can handle this… Wait, I have to.  See, if I don’t, then at some point they’ll find out and it’ll ruin EVERYTHING with those two.  Needless to say, I don’t want to DO that to them.  I almost did it once.

     See, I… erm… I slept with Barb.  Not too long ago.  And I don’t mean I slept in the same bed with her—even though I DID, but it was the stuff that happened along with that that… is the real problem.  And I won’t lie, it felt SO good… physically and emotionally—for BOTH of us, I think.  I mean, she’s so happy now.  So much more like the Babs *I* like.  So confident and… and she SMILES now!  She’s got such a gorgeous smile…

     But I had no idea… I didn’t think… and Wally… god, I have YET to have a *real* conversation with him, because I’m scared to death to do so!  He seemed so heart broken when he found out that we did it.  I mean, he’s joked about it…

     I feel like I’m the worst friend in the world, even if I don’t act like it.  I never took MYSELF to be the one to do something… to sleep with my friend’s girlfriend—FIANCÉE even.

     Anyway, I’m NOT going to dwell on it.  You know why?  Because two of my closest friends are getting married.  This is better then when Donna married that bastard Terry, too, because I LIKE Wally and I LIKE Babs (I just like her, I just like her, I just like her).  Sure, they’re not listening to me about the superstitious precautions, and I think they should, but what’re you going to do?

     I bought this gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous bracelet for Barbara, which is just as gorgeous as she is.  Two rows of one-karat diamonds with the same of one-row rubies in the center of the two rows.  But then I decided… no… I can’t give it to her, but instead of taking it back, I’ll let Wally give it to her on their wedding day.

     I’ll run by you what I got her before I file this away and go back to cleaning my apartment—which go TRASHED by the way, not that anything else is new.  Even if it was by COPS this time—but we won’t go into that.

     Anyway, I bought her something REALLY sentimental. A locket.  It’s silver (actually platinum, but Barbara would PLOTZ if she found out I bought her a *platinum* piece of jewelry), engraved with gold, and in the shape of a heart.  In the center of the front and back is a single heart shaped sapphire.  The chain is platinum too, REALLY sturdy.  I bought a bracelet that matches the chain in pattern, and yes, that’s also platinum—but if she asks, YES it IS silver!  Anyway, I left the inside blank, no pictures, but I had “To Dearest Barbara” engraved all calligraphy-like on the edges that would hold a picture to one side, and on the other side is engraved, “Always Smile”.  Do you think she’ll like that?  I hope she will.

     Anyway, I better get to work.  Bruce is dropping by in about 30 minutes for SOME reason or another, and if he sees my apartment like this, he’s going to freak.  Hiding the fact that my FRONT DOOR was blown into smithereens doesn’t help either!  Crap…

     Oh, I know!

     I’ll just tell him Pokemon attacked me and then I’ll promptly start licking myself!  MWAHAHAHAHA!  Yes, that’ll convince him I’m crazy!

     Oh man…  I better call Wally ASAP!  Wait, no, Bruce first and then Wally—and aw hell, Cass—Batgirl—she just entered and she’s got a hacksaw in her arm.  CRAP! JUST MY GAWDDAMN LUCK!  What next?!  Catwoman?!  Oh man, I shouldn’t talk, she’s gonna show up now too!

     …

     I want my Babsie.

 

~Dickie~