Date: October 29, 2001

Time: Who cares? Early morning… maybe one or two AM. Damn—can’t read the clock.. too dark.

 

            Okay, that’s it. I’ve HAD it. One minute you think your life is everything for ya. It’s beautiful, crisp, and calm. I’m sorry to say I think all of it has spun out of control last night... this morning—GRRR… This whole world’s a f*ckin’ battle ground!

 

            Hell!! I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry, this… scared this… anything before. The last time I can actually remember myself feeling this way was when I was about eight or nine years old, when my Dad shot and killed my Mom. ANYthing would have been better than him killing her; he coulda even beat me more if he wanted to, stabbed ME but, he should have left Mom alone. When I close my eyes at night, I can still hear the shot going off, the smoke coming out of the barrel, my Mom lying in a pool of blood on the living room floor. I… felt so helpless, and now, I feel even more so.

 

When I was struck by lightning, I was gifted with amazing speed. I grew up with my Mom and Dad WITH the powers, they understood, they even helped me—instead of sending me away. But... all of that started to change when I was about six or seven. My Dad, y’ see, he got this new job, and he started to become more violent. I remember the black belt he always had around his waist, the same belt that he beat me with repeatedly daily. I always thought the reason he was doing this to me was because I was bad. I DO remember misbehaving a few times, and with that I remember getting hit. So I tried to be good for him, just so, MAYBE he’d stop. That didn’t work. Even when I was GOOD he’d hit me. I wore long sleeves to school and pants to cover up the bruises and the swelling. I never talked about it, always changed my attitude to a happy, hyper kind of thing so no one would notice. Even to this day, it seems to fool a lot of my friends, even my girl, Barbara.

 

I haven’t told anyone, though--I… told Robbie. He was the first one I ever DO remember telling about any of this. How did it happen? When… I went to go visit Uncle Barry Dick came with me--That was also the same night I bought that engagement ring for Babs. I haven’t placed it on her finger yet; I NEED to. But, I’ll explain later—Some things came up and I told him what Dad used to do to me. Feeling so isolated, I told him not to tell a soul, not ANYone or else he’d regret it. I didn’t mean to threaten him, but what was I supposed to do?? If he told, it just make things a lot more complicated! No one understands.

 

There was one time my Mom tried to get my Dad to stop hurting me, but that only made things worse. That night, he came home from the bar, drunk. He picked up a butcher knife, slashed the back of my neck with it. I… still have the scar from it. Donna and Robbie ask about it. I just lie, I tell them one of my nemesis gave it to me. They always give me that LOOK. Like they know I’m not telling them the whole truth. They’re REALLY good friends... Roy too. I don’t know what I’d do without them. But keeping secrets, acting like nothing’s wrong when things aren’t, it’s hard to keep it from them… ESPECIALLY them. But—my Mom.. she tried to pull the knife from my father’s grip—he smacked her. She was in the hospital for two weeks after that.

 

I tried to tell my Mom we needed to leave, go someplace safe, but no. She wouldn’t listen. I KNOW she wanted to get away, but she was too afraid to do so. I don’t blame him, I mean—I was too. When my father had produced that gun he had this smile on his face. I’ll never forget it. It was almost like he was ENJOYING what he was doing. That shot—that DAMN bullet—I hear it.. the sound. That bang—oh PLEASE God, just make it stop?? That same image, I keep seeing it. He pulled the gun on me. He was GOING to shoot me; I could see it. I stood frozen like a Popsicle, unable to move. There was this look in his eyes, it was like—Awww man, I can’t even explain it. It was… evil. He turned around and ran. F*cking coward. Even now I still don’t know why he DIDN’T shoot me.

 

I miss her. I miss my Mom… Mary. Sometimes I go back to Blue Valley, Nebraska and just… sit. I talk to her, I know she’s watching, listening. She’s burried out there. The minister of the local church, chose a nice little spot to place her. Lately, I’ve been going there a LOT lately. There and to Central City, where Uncle Barry is, and to Coast City, where Auntie Iris is. Uncle and Auntie Iris were the ones who took care of me after everything.

 

Dad’s still alive I already know that. But I keep telling everyone the both of them died. In a caraccident. Another lie. But now.. Robbie. ONLY Robbie knows the whole truth. I told him, finally… tonight.

 

I’m sitting here now, alone, at my home, in Keystone. SO many things happened last night, yesterday evening… afternoon. First that damn thing with Cyborg, he almost killed Barbara!! I whupped him good for that too. When... I came back, I dropped Cyborg off at a high-tech super max facility, I got a radio in from AMEE, told me to come back to the tower. So, I did. And…Barb—when I got there—she… was… hurt, VERY bad. No. I don’t mean BAD, bad. I mean... REALLY, really, bad. I almost didn’t recognize her when I saw her. I come to find out that some chick named Shiva did it to her. The damn b*tch. Batman was already fighting her when I showed up for revenge. WHICH was probably a bad thing, because one shouldn’t use their anger THAT way, ya know?? But, nonetheless, I screwed her up. I took her to New York City, for treatment. I took her to the hospital that Barb and I went to. I knew they’d make sure she got the treatment she needed.

 

When I got there, MY nurse—MY Pretty Nurse Lady took care of Shiva and some doctor. The media was there, so I said a few words. When I was done I went to check on Shiva and my nursey, but when I entered the room, Shiva and the doctor were gone and Eveyln… just to ADD to my bad day, she was hurt.. BAD. We got her fixed up, right?? I told her I’d take her home, just to make sure she got home safely. She REALLY didn’t want me to, so I didn’t, but I made sure one of her co-workers did. I followed them, hiding along the way.

 

She got home alright, and I just stayed out of sight. I wasn’t gunna LEAVE her—lets just say I had this FEELING. I was watching through the window and when I saw her hubby raising a hand to her, I busted in. I was NOT going to let what happened to my Mom and me happen to her. I stopped him. I KNOW I broke his wrist restraining him, but I didn’t care. We had this TALK—if you would have HEARD the things that he said to her—made me wanna puke. Another f*cking b*stard. I left after some time, ran around the block to make it LOOK like I left, but I came back, hid across the street and watched the house from their neighbor’s thorn bush. Talk about ouch!

 

All of a sudden I hear this crash and this SPLASH. I ran around to the back of their house.. Eveie... she... was pushed from her third story window and fell into the pool. When I got there, all I saw was her surrounded in red. Blood.  I jumped in and got her out and found out she had a crowbar stuck in her abdomen! The f*cking idiot sick f*ck-- I felt SO sorry for her. I made sure she was on her back, and I put pressure on her stomach to control the bleeding, but then—I heard a baby crying. Her son, James. I rushed into the house, but got there too late. There was a gunshot. ANOTHER gun shot. The moment I saw that, I could see my father’s figure holding the gun. Filled with rage I tacked him, beat the s*hit out of him—mutha f*cker deserved it. OH God—poor James. I used a pressure point on her hubby and let him fall unconscious. The poor baby… When I went to go get him, I found Eveie, she crawled up stairs to get to her baby. She’s SUCH a sweet lady, it’s unbelievable.

 

I cleaned James up, wrapped him in a blanket and just held him for a while. How could such a MONSTER do that to a child!?? The kid—he was only.. GOD—he was pretty much Cerdian’s age, maybe a little younger. I handed him to his mother and picked Eveie up. I needed to get her someplace to where she could get the proper attention. I called the tower, Jesse came and took care of her hubby while Troia and I took her back.

 

Batman and Tempest… later, worked on my Nursey for hours. I promised her I would be just a good nurse, like she was for me. That woman… she smiled at me, she’s got SUCH a beautiful smile by the way, and she closed her eyes. B-man had injected her with some sleeping medication. I let go of her hand and walked out of the med lab—banged into Robbie. He could tell something wasn’t right. THAT… was when I took off outside, he followed me, of course. He’s a nice guy, you know that?? I told him... everything… what happened with Eveie, to what REALLY happened to me when I was little. And you know, for the first time since my Mom died… I cried.

 

Life bites sometimes. Everything’s going so bad; I don’t what to do with myself anymore. After I talked to Robbie, I came here, home. I couldn’t be near anyone; I just needed to get away. So I’m home now. Hadda couple of beers—okay well… twelve so far. Don’t worry, I can’t get drunk, I REALLY have to try if I want to get drunk because of my high metabolism, ya know?

 

I don’t think no one knows where I’m at. I don’t care. I’m gunna head back to the Titan’s tower at about four or five... that way I can check on Barb and Eveyln.

 

I let a lot of people down. I let Uncle Barry, Mom, little James, Barbara, Eveyln, Robbie—I mean a LOT of people. I don’t deserve the title of The Fastest Man on Earth, Man—I REALLY let Uncle Barry down… didn’t I?

 

[End]