2.) Monday Night Football.
3.) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
4.) You can open all your own jars.
5.) Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
6.) When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
7.) A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
8.) You can go to the bathroon without a support group.
9.) When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
10.) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
11.) You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
12.) Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
13.) Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
14.) Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
15.) You don't have to shave below your neck.
16.) If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
17.) You can write your name in the snow.
18.) You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
19.) Everything on your face stays the same color.
20.) You can be President.
21.) Flowers fix everything.
22.) You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
23.) You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
24.) If another guy shows up at a party with the same outfit, you might become life long buddies.
25.) Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
26.) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
27.) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
28.) The world is your urinal.
29.) Your never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
30.) Hot wax never comes near your pubic hair.
31.) One mood, all the time.
32.) You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
33.) Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
34.) Wedding dress: $2,000. Tux rental: $100.
35.) You don't mooch off others' desserts.
36.) If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
37.) ESPN's SportsCenter.
38.) You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
39.) If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
40.) Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
