Author: Jessimca
Recap: Nick and Jessica slept together, but she freaked out and lied to him,
telling him she was sick and couldn�t see him for a while.
Disclaimer: The song I chose to use is �Answer� by Sarah McLachlan off of her
Afterglow CD. If you have ever heard it you will know how perfectly it fits
into this story and if you haven�t heard it, I highly recommend you do, because
the words don�t do it enough justice. You need to hear it too! The song kind
of broke down to me to have Nick talking and Jessica talking. So the song
lyrics that follow the quote are the one that character is saying. Did that
make any sense?
Ha-ha� well I hope you enjoy because I�ve spent so long writing this and I�m
really proud of this part. So please read and feedback as you feel fit!
*****
Nick couldn�t help but stop by CaCee�s one day after work. It had been a
week and a half since he had talked to Jessica and he knew that she was avoiding
his calls. He knew that she still couldn�t be sick from last week. So he
decided that if he couldn�t talk to Jessica he would talk to the next best
thing, her best friend.
Nick knocked on her door, hoping she would be there. A few seconds later
he heard hurried footsteps and a voice said, �Just a minute.�
CaCee opened the door to a disheveled looking Nick on the other side and
her head was yelling at her to shut the door in his face. She knew exactly why
he was here- to find out what was up with Jessica. And CaCee didn�t have the
strength to tell him anything but the truth. Normally, she would have no
problem lying straight to a guy�s face, but Nick just looked so sad and
disheartened. �Hey, Nick.�
�Hey, CaCee, do you think we could talk?�
�Sure, come on in.�
�Thanks.� Nick followed CaCee into her apartment and sat down facing
opposite her in her family room.
�So, what�s up?� she innocently asked him.
�CaCee, you�re Jessica�s best friend. I just wanted to know if you�ve
talked to her lately. If she�s told you anything.�
�Uh, I talked to her a few days ago.�
�Really? I mean, did she say anything about me?�
�Nick, maybe if you two are having a problem you should go talk to her.�
�That�s the thing, CaCee. If it were that easy, I wouldn�t be here. She
won�t talk to me or see me. Do you have any idea why?�
�Nick, I really think that you should be talking to her about all this.�
�CaCee, please. I can tell that you know why she�s ignoring me. Does she
not like me anymore? Is that it?�
�No, Nick, she still likes you a lot.�
�Then what is it?�
�She�s scared.�
Nick was confused. Jessica had seemed so sure of everything last week. He
wouldn�t have gone all the way if he had known she was unsure of something.
�What is she afraid of?�
CaCee let out a huge sigh. She couldn�t help but feel like she was
betraying Jessica�s confidence by telling Nick all of this. But Nick had a
right to know why he was being ignored. �She�s scared that she�ll lose you like
everyone else in her life.�
�Who has she lost?�
�Well, for starters, Jack. I know it may seem that she was okay with him
leaving because he wasn�t that good to her, but she was in love with him. She
just never realized what a jerk he had been all those years, until you showed
up. She told me a few weeks after you guys met that if she had known there was
someone out there like you, she never would have got married. Anyway, she�s
also scared about Abbey. She�s afraid that if you decide to stick around for
now, as soon as Abbey starts to get really sick you�ll decide to leave. Just
like Jack did. She�s a very cautious person and it takes her a long time to be
able to trust someone, every since she was young. Look, I probably shouldn�t be
telling you this, but did she ever tell you what happened to her parents?�
Nick thought for a moment. �You know what; we�ve never talked about our
parents before. I told her that my mom died of cancer, but we immediately moved
away from that subject.�
�Well, Jessica was an only child and she was very close to her parents.
They had a really small family because both her parents were only children also.
But her dad had this really close friend, and he was like an uncle to Jessica.
Then out of nowhere, the man killed both of her parents while Jessica was at her
grandma�s. He confessed immediately, but it put a permanent scar on Jessica
because she was the one who found them.�
�Oh my god, that�s horrible.�
�I know, and I really shouldn�t say anything else. But that�s why she�s
scared- she been deceived so many times in the past and she won�t allow it to
happen again. She�s put up a wall. That�s why Jack had been so right for her,
he didn�t show much emotions and she thought he would always be there. But he
let her down.�
�Well, how can I make her believe that she can trust me and that I won�t let
her down? How can I show her that I won�t leave her?�
�You probably can�t.�
�There�s got to be something I can do. I�m willing to do anything.�
CaCee smiled. �You really like her, don�t you?�
Nick couldn�t stop the smile spreading across his own face. �Yeah, I
really do. I�ve never felt this way about anyone my whole life, and it�s so
amazing. And I like Abbey a lot too, I just wish Jessica would let me show her
that.�
�The best advice I could give you- go to her house. Stop calling her, it�s
easy for her to dodge the phone calls, but she always answers the door. And
just don�t stop trying. She�s stubborn, but she�ll eventually give in if you�re
persistent, especially when her heart really wants to. Oh! And you know what
would be really great?�
�What?�
�If we got Abbey on our side. She comes over for play dates and she�s
always talking about how much she likes you. Oh, a plan is popping into my
head! But I don�t see Abbey for a few more days, so it might take awhile.�
�I can wait, I�ve waited my whole life for Jessica.�
*****
Nick felt really good a half hour later when he left CaCee�s apartment.
CaCee had thought of a really good plan and it was going to start as soon as
Abbey could come over to CaCee�s house for a play date. Nick would already be
there and with CaCee they would explain the plan to Abbey.
Nick couldn�t wait until he could see Jessica again. He hoped that the
plan would pay off and get Jessica to see what was right in front of her. She
was the greatest thing he had ever met. She was so genuine and Nick was so
grateful he had met her. He knew that relationships weren�t about changing
yourself, but he was willing to change for her. He was willing to stand by her
for the rest of their lives together and he was willing to stay faithful to her
forever. He never thought he could feel that way about someone until he met her
and now he couldn�t imagine living another day without that feeling.
But for now all he could do was sit and wait. Wait for the day when he
could take Jessica in his arms and tell her he wanted to spend forever with her.
*****
One week later
Jessica woke up to Abbey pulling gently on her sheets.
�Mommy, I woke up and my tummy and my ears hurt. I don�t feel good.�
Jessica quickly got out of bed. Ever since Abbey got diagnosed, her immune
system had been lowered and it made more susceptible to get sick. �Okay, baby,
go change out of your pajamas and give me a second to get ready. I�ll take you
to the doctor, okay?�
Abbey nodded and left the room. Jessica changed into a pair of jeans and a
sweater. She quickly washed her face and put in her contacts, not even
bothering to put on some make-up. As she looked at herself in the mirror she
remembered that she would have to take Abbey to see Nick. He was her doctor
now and would be for a while. Jessica had totally forgotten all about how
awkward that would be. Shaking the thought out of her head and focusing on her
daughter, she picked up her purse and took Abbey out to the car.
When they got to the hospital, Jessica checked Abbey in to see Nick and
then they sat down in the waiting area. About five minutes later Nick came to
get them and brought them to a small room down the hall.
Nick picked up Abbey and put her on the doctor�s table, and in that two
seconds Jessica missed him wink quickly at Abbey. �So what seems to be the
problem today squirt?�
�My tummy and my ears hurt.�
�Okay, well can I have a look at your ears?� After Abbey nodded gently
looked in her ears. �Well, they look okay Abbey. Let�s look at you stomach.�
Abbey laid back and Nick gently pushed on her stomach. �Does it hurt
anywhere?�
Abbey shook her head.
�Well, Abbey, I think you probably just have a little cold and that�s
probably why they hurt. I think you just need to rest a little, okay?�
Abbey nodded.
�Is it okay if I talk to your mom outside in the hallway for a second?�
Abbey nodded her head again.
Jessica followed Nick into the hallway. �Is it something serious, Nick?�
�No, not at all. The exact opposite actually.�
�What does that mean?�
�She�s not sick at all, Jessica.�
�So what are you saying?�
�Nothing, except that she didn�t need to come here, yet here you both are.�
�What, are you saying that she faked it to come here to see you?� Jessica
asked sarcastically.
�Why, is it unthinkable that someone could actually want to see me?�
�That�s not what I meant and you know it.�
�I don�t know what you mean anymore.�
�What does that mean?�
�Nothing, let�s just go back inside.� Nick hadn�t meant to start a fight
with her now, but he was trying to get her to understand that Abbey liked him
and wanted to see him. And the plan wasn�t going according to schedule because
Jessica didn�t seem too happy to see him.
Jessica walked over to Abbey and asked, �Abbey, are you really sick or did
you just want to come see Dr. Lachey?� When Abbey didn�t say anything, Jessica
asked again.
�You�ll just be mad at me, Mommy.�
�I could never be mad at you, angel. Just tell me the truth, Abbey.�
�I just wanted to see Dr. Lachey, Mommy. He hasn�t been over in a while
and I miss him.�
�I know, honey, but this was really mean to do to mommy.� Jessica got up
and turned around and for some reason Nick was smiling like he had just done
something really well. Jessica turned back around and saw Abbey with the same
face.
Nick had expected Jessica�s face to break out in a smile, but it did the
exact opposite. She looked absolutely livid with Nick. �What, do you think
it�s funny conspiring with my little girl? When did you guys plan this all out?
Because the only time I�ve let Abbey out of my sight was to bring her to
CaCee�s the other day.� Jessica paused slightly and then, �Wait, was CaCee in
on this too?�
Nick nodded, the smile fading quickly from his face.
�Abbey, go wait right outside the door for me.�
�Mommy, please don�t be mad at Nick. It�s not his fault.�
�Abbey, outside please.� Jessica waited until Abbey was outside and then
continued. �You think its funny getting my daughter to fake being sick? Do
you know how scared I was when she came complaining she didn�t feel good? That was a sick joke, Nick.�
�Well, maybe if you understood the true reason behind why I did all this,
you wouldn�t see it as a joke and you would be okay with the situation.�
�I would never be okay with the situation.�
�Okay, Jessica , whatever you say.�
�Yeah, exactly Nick, whatever.�
�I can�t believe that I saw something in you when we first met. I thought
you were different from all the other women I�ve met.�
�Well, obviously I�m not.�
�Are you too thick to realize that I did this all for you today? Because I
fell so hard and so fast for you and I love you so much it hurts to not be with
you.�
�Well you know what, just don�t.� And with that, Jessica walked out of the
room and shut the door behind her.
Nick sat down on the table and rested his head in his hands. He had no
clue about what else to do. If Jessica loved him, then they would be together
right now. So obviously it wasn�t up to him anymore, it was all up to her. But
he was afraid that that meant they would never get together. He just wished
everything was easy and he could just convince her they should be together.
He normally didn�t like to give up, but he felt there was no way he could
win in this situation.
*****
It had been four weeks since Jessica had seen Nick and she hated the way
they had left things. She knew that she got caught up in her emotions and she
hated it when she did that. She wanted to stay friends with Nick, but in the
back of her head she couldn�t help but realize she could never be just friends
with him. He was a great guy, but there was no way she could be in a
relationship now.
And then it happened. The thing Jessica had feared the most. She and
Abbey were taking a walk through the park, looking at how all the leaves were
changing colors, and Abbey started complaining of dizziness.
And then there, in the middle of the park with the leaves falling all around
them, her beautiful angel fell to Earth.
Time froze and Jessica couldn�t remember what happened between then and the
ambulance coming. She didn�t even know if she was the one who had called them.
But they came and they took her and Abbey to the hospital.
They took Abbey to an emergency room and refused to let Jessica in.
�Please, she�s my baby, just let me in!� Jessica pleaded.
�Please, go in the waiting area and we�ll come get you soon.�
Jessica realized she wasn�t thinking straight. She turned and ran to the
front desk. �Please, can you call Dr. Lachey and tell him that Abbey is here?
I know that he would come in.� Jessica asked the secretary, knowing that Nick
would let her go in the room with Abbey and be there for her.
�I�m sorry, Miss Simpson, but Dr. Lachey has taken some time off and he has
asked not to be contacted about any patients.�
�Please, I know that he would want to know about this.�
�I�m sorry, but I can�t call him. He made me promise that I wouldn�t call
him.�
Frustrated, Jessica ran to the pay phone and dialed Nick�s number. After
four rings the answering machine went off. �Nick, this is Jessica. I just
wanted to let you know that Abbey collapsed today and she�s in the hospital. I
just�I really wish you were here and I really wish you could be here and I
really wish you could be taking care of Abbey. So please, if you get this
message, just come here. We� I really need you.�
Jessica hung up the phone and dialed CaCee�s number. Luckily, CaCee was
home and she assured Jessica that she would be right over. Jessica walked back
over to the room where Abbey was and paced back and forth, trying not to look
into the room and see what they were doing to her angel. Sometime later,
Jessica had no idea when, she felt a hand on her shoulder.
It was bittersweet when Jessica turned around and realized that the hand
belonged to CaCee. Jessica fell right into her arms. �CaCee, I tried calling
Nick and he�s not home. The secretary said that he was taking a few days off
and wasn�t seeing any patients. What am I supposed to do?�
�Jessica, I�m sorry to tell you this, but he�s probably taking a break
because of you. I talked to him last week and he was still really upset. He
was talking about going on a small vacation, maybe to go see some family. I
don�t know if he actually went or not, but that�s what he was planning on doing.
I�m sorry.�
�CaCee, he�s so good with Abbey, I really want him her for her.�
�Only for her?�
Jessica was about to respond when she heard the doors to Abbey�s room swing
open and the nurses were rolling her out. The doctor came over to Jessica,
�We�ve got her stabilized, but we need to bring her up to the ICU.�
�Well, what caused all this?�
�Well, we�ve taken tests and we just need to wait for the results. I�ll
have someone bring them up as soon as possible. I�ll check in with you as soon
as possible.�
�Dr., please can you try to contact Abbey�s doctor, Dr. Lachey. I know he
would want to be here, he�s been on Abbey�s case for a while now.�
�I�ll do my best, Miss Simpson.�
�Thanks.� Jessica and CaCee followed the nurses and Abbey up to the ICU
unit and got settled in a room. The nurses came back a little while later, but
they wouldn�t tell Jessica anything about Abbey�s condition. At around ten
o�clock, CaCee convinced Lindsay to get some sleep, so that she could be strong
for Abbey when she woke up.
As CaCee stood there watching Jessica sleep, she realized that she had to do
something to get Nick here. If not for Jessica, at least for Abbey so that she
could get the best care possible. So CaCee quickly walked to her car and drove
to Nick�s apartment. She knew that it was very possible that he wasn�t there,
but she needed to do something and this was all she could think of.
She quickly ran to his door and breathlessly pounded on his door. She heard
scrambling from inside and she had never been so relieved in her whole life.
The door opened and Nick appeared. �CaCee, what are you doing here?�
�Did you get Jessica�s message?�
�No, why?�
�Abbey�s in the hospital, she collapsed in the park this afternoon. The
hospital told Jessica that you were taking a break and she got so upset. She
called you begging to come in for Abbey. But you should see her; she needs you
just as bad as Abbey does.�
Before CaCee had finished, Nick had already grabbed his coat and keys. �I
can�t believe I didn�t check my messages today,� Nick said closing his
apartment door behind him. �CaCee, do you mind if I go there by myself?�
�Not at all. Go be with her.�
*****
Jessica heard his voice before she even opened her eyes. He was talking to
the doctor that had treated Abbey yesterday. Jessica stood up and stopped a few
feet away from the door. Nick�s back was to her and he wasn�t wearing his
scrubs. She wondered how he had found out, but after realizing that CaCee was
gone she understood. She watched Nick and the doctor shake hands and then the
doctor walked away. When Nick turned around, their eyes met and a huge sense
of relief and guilt flooded over Jessica. She had never been so happy to see
someone her whole life. He took one step towards her and she ran towards him.
His arms wrapped around her and she buried her head in his neck. �I�m so
sorry,� she whispered.
�Sh, it�s okay. We don�t have to talk about all that now.�
I will be the answer at the end of the line
I will be there for you while you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance if you can�t look down
If it takes my whole life I won�t break I won�t bend
It�ll all be worth it, worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You�ll still be burning so bright
�Nick, I don�t know what to do anymore. I�m not strong enough for this and
I just want to run away.�
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
�Sh, it�s okay because I�m here now and I�m going to help you stay strong,
okay?�
If it takes a whole life I won�t break I won�t bend
It�ll all be worth it worth it in the end
�Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You�ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind
Jessica nodded. Nick took Jessica�s hand and entwined their fingers
together. He led her over to Abbey�s bed. �I talked to Abbey�s doctor about
her condition.�
�What did he say? It�s serious isn�t it; otherwise he would have said
something.�
Nick nodded and Jessica�s hand flew to her mouth to stifle her sobs. �Look
at me, Jess. The cancer has caused her immune system to weaken drastically.
She�s caught a bad case of pneumonia and her body doesn�t have to ability to
fight it off anymore. When she wakes up she will only have a few weeks left
hopefully, but it could also be a few days.�
�Oh god,� Jessica�s legs fell out from under her, but Nick caught her and
held her up.
�I�m so sorry that I couldn�t be telling you good news right now. But she
could have more time; it can depend on how hard she is willing to fight. It
could be a few months.�
�It�s still not enough time. She is too young.� Nick sobbed.
�I know, sweetheart, I wish there was something I could do to change the
future. But no one can.�
�What am I going to tell her when she wakes up? How can I tell a six year
old that she may only have a few days left?�
�I�ll help you okay, we�ll both tell her.�
Jessica nodded. �Is she going to have to stay in the hospital? I know that
she won�t want to.�
�No, she�ll be able to come home, but she�ll probably need medicines
everyday. I can come over when she needs them and I can be on call all the
time.�
�Nick? Do you think that you could stay at our apartment and be there all
the time? I�d feel more comfortable if you were there the whole time. That way
if something happened, you could be there for both of us, you know?�
�Of course I can, I won�t leave you guys, okay? I promise.�
�I know you won�t. I�m so sorry about everything.�
�Its okay, you were scared. I understand.�
�But I shouldn�t have shut you out. I was so horrible, why aren�t you mad?�
�I was for a little while, well more upset that you couldn�t realize what
was right in front of you. But I knew somehow that you would change your mind,
and I knew that as soon as you did, I would be willing to come right back to
you.�
�Why?�
�Because I love you.�
At first he thought he said it too soon. Jessica looked scared and he felt
like she was going to change her mind again. But then he saw a little smile.
Jessica threw herself into his arms. �I love you too, Nick. I have since
I met you and it scared me so much. I�ve never felt this strongly about someone
and I had no clue how to deal with it. And I thought I was helping Abbey by
keeping you out of her life and sparing her more heartache if you decided it was
too much. But now I realize that I only made it worse because she really cared
for you too and if I hadn�t of kept you from her, maybe she wouldn�t be here
today. Maybe she would be stronger and would�ve fought the infection. Or maybe
you could have known it was coming and you could have gotten her some
medication. But who knows now?�
�Jessica, you�ll drive yourself crazy if you think like that. No one could
have predicted this. It was coming sometime, that�s just the way leukemia
works. It wasn�t your fault the cancer spread, it just happens.�
�I know, it�s just she�s so young. And I�m just so tired of losing people.�
�I know, I know you are. But I�m not going anywhere- you understand?�
�Yeah, I understand.�
�Alright. I�m going to go call the desk downstairs and tell them that even
though I�m here, I�m still on break and that they shouldn�t page me, okay?�
Jessica nodded. �Yeah, that�s fine.�
Nick kissed her on the forehead before walking out of the room.
Jessica walked over to her angel and brushed her hair out of her face. It
didn�t feel like so long ago that she had breathed her first breath on Earth.
Jessica wouldn�t let go of her for three days. She had felt like she finally
had an escape from her empty life. She knew that for the rest of her life,
Abbey would depend on Jessica, especially the first few years. But she never
guessed that she would outlive her own daughter. It was a feeling that no
parent should ever have to feel.
�What am I going to do without you?� Jessica whispered in her ear.
After about twenty minutes, Nick hadn�t returned and Jessica went to ask
the nurse if she knew where he went.
�Excuse me, have you seen Dr. Lachey at all?�
�Uh, a little while ago, but not since then. I�d try downstairs at the
desk.�
�Okay, thanks so much.�
Jessica got in the elevator and rode to the first floor. When she didn�t
see Nick at the front desk she decided to walk around and look for him. She
had just about given up when she walked by the chapel and noticed him kneeling
under the statue of Mary. She walked to the entrance, but she paused when she
heard Nick talking. The chapel was so small that she could hear what he was
saying, but she stayed where she was because she didn�t know if he would be
embarrassed if she saw him there. At first she tried not to listen to him, but
after a few minutes it was too hard to do.
�It�s just so hard not knowing if I�m doing enough for Jessica. I don�t
know what she�s going through because I�ve never experienced it, but please give
me the strength to be strong for her so that she can be strong for Abbey. And
please, when the inevitable happens, watch over her for us. I feel so cheated
because I�m really only beginning to get to know Abbey and now she�s being
taken. I know it happens in life, but its cases like these that really test my
decision to become a doctor. I know that I probably got too involved with this
case, but Jessica is the best thing that�s ever happened to me, and I know that
you can agree. She�s helped me to understand what it means to truly love. So
please watch over her up there and help her to understand why she�s there. God
had a better plan for her and she�s part of something bigger now. I know I
haven�t shown a lot of faith in a while, but I haven�t had anything to believe
in until now. Thank you for always believing in me and I know I never had the chance to say this, but thank you for being the greatest mom any son could have.�
Jessica had tried to hold back her sobs before that, but it became too hard
to do. She let one escape and Nick turned around to look at who was there.
Jessica walked towards him and when he went to get up she shook her head and sat down next to him.
�I�m sorry, Jess. I didn�t know you were there.�
�No, it was so beautiful. What is you mom�s name?�
�Elizabeth.�
�That�s beautiful.� Jessica reached over and took his hand in hers, lacing
their fingers together. �So, I�m the best thing that�s ever happened to you,
huh?�
�Yeah, you really are. I just wish I could have done something for you in
return.�
�Oh, you�ve done so much for me. You�ve taught me to live in the moment, to
not let my life pass me by, and most of all�to love.�
�So, I guess we�re even then, huh?�
Jessica smiled. �Yeah, I guess.�
�You know, CaCee told me what happened to your parents and I just want you
to know that nothing like that will happen to us. I won�t let anything bad
happen. Do you believe me?�
�I want to, but it�s so hard to believe that fate won�t get in the way.�
�Just try to believe it, for me.�
�Okay, I�ll try my best.�
�That�s all I ask.� Nick leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. �You
want to head back up now?�
Jessica nodded and let Nick help her up. They headed upstairs with their
arms around each other and in the elevator Jessica leaned her back into his
chest and let him warm her by wrapping his arms around her. She laughed as he
kissed her neck and she smiled at the thought of being momentarily normal
because she knew that as soon as she stepped off the elevator she would have to
dread telling Abbey the news. Nick took Jessica�s hand in his and she was so
thankful for his support. As soon as she stepped off the elevator she heard a
voice that she hadn�t heard in years.
�Please, can you tell me which room Abbey Simpson is in?� The nurse told him
and as the man turned around, Jessica was completely frozen.
�Jack?�
*****
So there it is, I hope you enjoyed and didn�t think it was too long!