Title: Losing Streak
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: This is a current
story dealing with cancer and the strength of Nick and Jessica's relationship.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me ESPECIALLY Andre and Erica! Thanks a
bunch! Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Its current
time Jess and Nick have been married a year and a half but they never did the
Newlyweds show with MTV. Nick was dropped by Universal in this story and he and
Jessica have created their own label which they work from out of their home. It
is mostly Nick because Jessica is still with
Disclaimer: Only the
ones I make up are mine.
“Losing Streak” Part 1
There was a rustle from the office as people seated
themselves for the long awaited meeting. Nick looked hopefully at the solemn
faces of the music and vocal producers as they seated themselves around the
table and felt the pounding of his heart in his chest. Their expression gave
him no feeling of hope.
"...We have decided not to pick you up Mr.
Lachey, we have many new artists now and it just doesn’t make us feel
stronger having you on board with the recent sales of your album," the man
gave Nick a sympathetic glance.
Nick heard the words with disbelief and
turned numbly to Larry sitting next to him, "We'll go from my own label. I
know we didn’t want to but I have my own production out and we can go
from that, it’ll be better anyways." He watched as the three men
walked out of the offices of Jive records. He turned to Larry who was sitting
next to him, "How...?" he shook his head, unable to even comprehend
the producer’s decision.
Larry was just as shocked, "I have no idea. I
mean your last album didn’t do well but that was poor promotion, and with
the success 98 Degrees had you would think they would be jumping. Don’t worry man, you have your own
record label going on, I mean it’s still new and you’ve only got a
few artists but its okay, you can work from yours. It’ll all be
fine."
Nick picked up his cell phone and left the conference
room. He pushed his way through the reporters and once safely in the elevator
he rubbed his face tiredly, "That was our fourth turn down from a label in
a row. Why aren’t they picking me up?"
Larry shook his head; sharing Nick's concern "I
don't know."
"I go next week to meet with someone else. We
cannot afford to be turned down again."
"I don't think there is anything we can change.
And even if we could, Nick, you have your label."
"Larry if we're being turned down, we must be
doing something wrong."
"We're doing what we've always done."
"Maybe that's the problem."
"Let's see how we do next week. If we get turned
down, we'll meet and figure out how to deal with it."
"If we get turned down, that will be 5 straight
losses."
"Everybody has to lose at some point or
another."
They made it to the street and got into their limo,
"How is the record with Ryan coming along?" Nick asked, referring to
the new artist that was with Nick’s new record label, he was Nick’s
first client to be more specific. Ryan and Ashlee were dating.
"It’s going alright..." Nick trailed
off, still unable to believe that they had just been turned down.
"You still have a good chance. Don't start admitting
defeat just yet. I mean you’ve got a lot of his album recorded."
"I know. We meet again in two days...I hope he
isn't watching the news tonight."
"He wouldn't fire you for being turned down from
a record label."
"I wouldn't be so sure. Have you met this
boy’s manager? She's frightening."
Larry grinned, "Is that why you always send
Jessica to meet with her?" Nick and Jessica both opened this record label
themselves, and although Jessica hasn’t struggled with her label as much
as Nick she is an equal part to the label. Jeff, Justin and Drew even work with
Nick part time since they aren’t in the studio now.
Nick's face turned pink, "Jessica can
handle her better than I can."
"She always comes back complaining."
"They get along."
Larry gave him a withering look, "You
keep telling yourself that."
They arrived at the Lachey’s home minutes later;
Jeff, Justin, Tina, Joe, Drew, Lea and Jess were all there, "How'd it
go?" Tina asked brightly.
"We got turned down."
Drew looked up with surprise, "You what?"
"They came back and said they didn’t want
me."
"How? You said-"
"Obviously I was wrong."
Justin came out of one of the rooms with a
client and walked him outside. The conversation died down until the client was
safely out of hearing range.
"Who was that?" Nick asked distractedly.
"New client. Christina Duffy. She was dropped
from her old record label and wants to join ours. She’s going to fly out
to LA and meet with you in the studio," Justin informed him.
"Oh." Nick didn't even want to imagine the
pain that the girl must be feeling, she looked very young, and at least Nick
was used to this business. "Where's Jessica?"
"Meeting with Barbara Keireth," Ryan’s
manager.
Nick silently congratulated himself again
for getting out of that appointment. He looked at Drew, "Any news on
Abbott?"
"We got the dates set for him to come in, but we
haven't been able to get a hold of Trina to come on down and help."
"Keep trying."
"Of course."
Feeling that he was up to speed on all the current business
matters, Nick took his messages into his office (which was brand new, he and
Jessica had an extra room made into an office for them right next to their
built in studio downstairs in their home) and closed the door. The bravado was
all very well, but the turn down had really shaken him. He wasn't used to being
turned down or losing so regularly and needed time to think about it.
He wasn't given that time.
The door swung open and Jessica stalked in, "That
is the last time I see that woman without you."
"Jessica. I need some privacy."
She reached out and closed the door with a bang,
"I'm not going to say it again, Nicholas. She's evil."
He rubbed his eyes, "Can you yell at me later?
Book me in for eight tonight."
"Funny." Her tone became sympathetic,
"Drew told me about the label’s decision. I'm sorry."
He raised his eyes to meet hers, "I'm still in
shock."
She shrugged, "So you'll work off your own label.
It's not the end of the world."
"It isn't just this turn down that worries me.
It's the culmination of all the rejections I’ve had."
"All the rejections? There have only been
three."
"Four."
"Okay. Four. It still isn't the end of the
world," she repeated.
"We can't have people think that I am a loser."
"You’re not a loser."
"People are fickle, Jessica. I get let go from my
label and then rejected by four and people lose their faith in me. They decide
that they should go down where the artists are actually being picked up."
Jessica was amused, "This is really
getting to you, isn't it?"
Nick decided that it was time to change the
subject, "So how did your meeting with Barbara go?"
Jessica frowned, at first frustrated by his
obvious attempt to change the subject but then pleased to be given a chance to
complain again. "I am never meeting with her again. She gives new meaning
to the word annoying. She spent the whole time complaining about life in the
world of a manager who is working straight through the nights. The food is
bad...she doesn't get enough sleep...the other managers and artists are
annoying...she 'never' stops. She should have thought about that before she
decided being a manager in the entertainment business was what she wanted.
Hitting my head against a brick wall would have been more pleasurable than
meeting with her. I wanted to...she made me so...I am never meeting with her
again."
"Jessica-" Nick began soothingly.
She pointed a finger at him, "This is your fault
and I am not going to let you cajole me into meeting with her again."
"This will be going more smooth in a week once we
get him actually recording and get the song choosing out of the way, let it
go."
"Easy for you to say. You haven't met with her
since the first day Ryan came wanting a record deal."
"She doesn't like me," Nick argued,
harbouring a hurt expression.
Jessica hid her smile, "I don't like you
very much at the moment either."
"I'll meet with her next time. Happy?"
"Yes. And I hope she is as horrible to you as she
was to me today."
"Thanks a lot. Are you ready to go upstairs and
get everyone out of here?" he asked, placing some papers into his desk.
"Yeah. Actually, I've been feeling a little run
down lately."
"Anything wrong?" he asked, immediately
concerned.
"No. Just tired."
"Maybe you should see a doctor."
She smiled at his protectiveness, "No. I am sure
that all I need is a good night's sleep."
He stared at her for a moment before accepting her
explanation, "Let's go then."
She followed him out of the office and went upstairs
where everyone was getting ready to leave anyways, after waving goodbye to
everybody they closed the front door and went to the kitchen to start some
dinner.
***
Jessica lay quietly in bed that night so as not
to wake Nick. She had had an odd feeling in her stomach for the past few days.
It had begun as a background tingling, but now it positively ached. She sighed
and rolled over, placing her head on Nick's chest and listening to his steady
heartbeat. Nick stirred and wrapped his arm around her subconsciously, pulling
her closer to him. Enclosed in his arms, she found it easier to ignore the pain
and fell asleep.
Hours later Jessica was awake again and sipping
coffee. Nick was reading the newspaper, but looked up curiously when she
sighed.
"What's up?"
"I think I should see a doctor."
He raised his eyebrows, his concern obvious.
"Why?"
"I haven't been feeling well and I've been
feeling so tired lately...I don't know what's wrong."
A possibility developed in Nick's mind and a smile
slowly spread over his face, "Could it be...?"
She smiled back, enjoying his reaction,
"Nope."
His face fell, "Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure. Those pills I pop every
morning...you may have noticed?...they're pretty effective. And you may also
have noticed my bad moods last week. You should know by now what that
means."
He whistled softly and replied gravely, "I sure
do."
She slapped him lightly, "Funny. I've probably
just picked up a virus somewhere. It's a pain in the ass...especially with
everything with the label going on next week. Not to mention my performances
I’ve got coming up"
"Your health is more important than all that."
She snorted, "Then who will you blackmail to meet
with Barbara?"
"Drew," he replied without hesitation.
She raised her eyebrows, "So I can be replaced
that easily?"
"In the studio working you can. I don't think
Drew would be too pleased if I asked him to come home with me, though."
"I'll take that as a compliment. But in the
future, answer that question with a firm no."
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him,
"You could never be replaced," he whispered in her ear.
She smiled softly and kissed him on the forehead,
"That's better."
***
"Jessica Lachey?" The nurse called.
Jessica stood up and followed her into the exam room.
"The doctor will be with you shortly."
"Thanks"
Jessica looked around the room curiously. She felt no
anxiety about her tiredness, and smiled at the doctor when she walked in. Jill
was the daughter of a family friend and Jessica felt comfortable talking to
her. Her doctor's appointments usually ended up as gossip sessions between the
two.
Jill grinned when she saw her, "Hi Jessica, how
are you?"
"Hey Jill. I'm fine."
Jill raised her eyebrows, "Then why are you
here?"
Jessica chuckled, why did she always say she was fine?
"Well...I've been feeling a little tired lately. And last night I had an
ache in my stomach and it's a little swollen today."
"Where?"
Jessica pointed to her lower abdomen,
"Here."
"And you've been feeling tired?"
"Yeah. It is probably just stress. We have a big
record deal go next week, and everyone is in frenzy over it. Plus I have a lot
of performances coming up soon, I am sure that if I get a good night's sleep,
I'll feel better. But the pain worries me."
"Hmmm. What about nausea or loss of appetite?
"Loss of appetite, but not nausea."
"Okay. Lie back for me?"
Jessica lay back on the bed and Jill lifted her
sweater, gently prodding her abdomen. "Let me know if it hurts,
okay?"
Jessica nodded. Jill's prodding fingers hit a
sensitive spot and Jessica cried out suddenly, "Ow!"
Jill stopped prodding and breathed out slowly,
"You're married now, aren't you?"
"Yeah. A little over a year."
"And pregnancy isn't a possibility?"
"I'm on the pill. And I had a period last
week."
"The pill isn't 100% effective."
"I know."
"And some women do menstruate even when they're
pregnant. This is probably nothing, but I want to run some tests."
Jessica nodded with agreement, "What sort of
tests?"
"First I'll need a urine sample to rule out
pregnancy."
Jessica wrinkled her nose, "Okay..."
"Then...we'll go from there. The next step will
probably be a blood test, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'll
get the nurse to show you where the bathroom is. Here's the cup."
"Thanks," Jessica replied dryly. She eyed
the cup with distaste and followed the nurse to the bathroom.
"Take your time," she was encouraged
cheerfully.
"Don't worry...I will."
***
Nick looked at his watch and took a huge
bite of his sandwich. His lunchbreak was almost over and he hadn't even started
it yet. He heard the phone ring in the outer office and prayed that it wouldn't
be for him.
"Nick! It's someone called Jill," Tina
called.
Nick paused, who the hell was Jill? He put down his
sandwich and took a swig of water, "Nick Lachey."
"Nick. I'm sorry to call you at work, but I'm
Jessica’s doctor."
Nick felt his face freeze and his voice came
out as a croak, "Hi. What can I do for you?"
"Jessica came to see me today and I am concerned
about some test results. I think you should be here with her."
"I'll be right there." He hung up the phone
and numbly grabbed his coat. "I'm going out. Cancel everything," he
said to Lea and Tina as he rushed out the door.
"Where are you going?" they yelled
desperately after him, but their plea wasn't heard. "And I bet he didn't
take his cell phone," Tina muttered grumpily to herself.
***
"Jessica!" Nick called anxiously when he saw
her face in the waiting room,
She turned with surprise, "Nick! What are you
doing here?"
"Your doctor called me. She said that I should be
here. What's going on baby?" He hugged her tight.
Jessica's cheerful expression changed to one of
worry, "I don't know. They took a blood test and she asked me to wait out
here."
"She didn't say anything to you?"
"No."
Jill appeared in front of them, "Jessica. Nick.
Follow me."
She waited until they were both seated before
beginning. "Let me begin by saying that this could be nothing."
"But...?" Jessica asked in a small voice.
"But...it may be something big. We won't get the
blood test results back until tomorrow, but I had a pathologist friend of mine
look at a blood smear. We identified an excessive number of white blood cells
which could mean many things, but isn't a good sign. The actual blood test will
tell us a lot more. But coupled with the associated pain, loss of appetite and
lethargy...I have made a tentative diagnosis."
"What is it?" Nick croaked.
"It could be nothing. But it could also be
cancer."
There was a shocked silence as both Jessica and Nick
digested the news.
"Cancer?" Jessica finally whispered.
She forged on, "Ovarian cancer. There currently
isn't a standard diagnostic test, in fact, the best diagnostic tool that we
have is ultrasound. I'd like to do one now."
"Of course."
"I'll be right back." They watched her leave
and turned to each other in dumb shock.
Nick's mouth was dry and cottony and he
searched his brain for something to say. Jessica looked frightened and he
wanted to comfort her in some way but the words just wouldn't come. He opened
his mouth and she turned to him desperately.
"She said that it might be nothing."
"But it could be cancer," Jessica replied
with wide eyes.
"We have to be optimistic."
Jessica wasn't given an opportunity to respond. A
nurse walked in and smiled sympathetically, "Jill's ready for you."
They followed her out to another room, where ultrasound
equipment was set up. Jessica lay back and gripped Nick's hand tightly. She
felt the coldness of the gel hit her belly and gasped with surprise. It was
really cold. She watched the screen with the doctor, unable to recognise
anything in the grey mist of the ultrasound. Jill pointed to various blobs,
muttering "
Nick squinted at the screen. He could vaguely make out
a globular shape.
"This one looks fine. It's the right size and you
can see the smooth outer edge. But you experienced the pain on the right."
She squeezed more gel onto Jessica's stomach and looked back at the screen.
"Okay. Here's the right ovary." She paused and looked at it closely,
changing the focus and using markers to outline a small patch. She took a deep
breath and looked back at Jessica and Nick.
"This doesn't look good."
End of part 1.
Title: Losing Streak Part 2
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Hey WOW HUGE thanks for Andrea
and Erica. And the JSMB! You guys, I didn’t think anybody was going to
like this story but the feedback I got was OUTSTANDING! Thank you so much it
makes me want to write more and more! PLEASE keep sending me feedback and
replying to my posts it means the world to me! You can e-mail me at [email protected]
Summary: Nick and Jess deal with Jessica’s
cancer and I forgot to mention this but for the sake of this story Nick lost
his mother to breast cancer years ago when he was a teenager, y’all will
see why in a few chapters!
Disclaimer: Only ones I make up are mine!
“Losing Streak” Part 2
They continued to stare back at her.
"You can see this section here...it is a growth
of some kind. It may be benign, but we'll have to take a biopsy to be
sure."
She received no response from either of them.
"I'll refer you on to an oncologist. There is a
wonderful gynaecologic oncologist that is doing amazing things with ovarian
cancer. I want you to see him tomorrow."
Jessica nodded numbly. She felt like her world had
come crashing down. This morning she had woken thinking she had the flu and now
she had cancer. Her life had changed dramatically in just seconds.
"I am so sorry. Do either of you have any
questions?"
Nick cleared his throat, "If it is
malignant...what is the success rate?"
"The oncologist can tell you more, but I believe
if we catch it early, there is an 85% success rate after treatment."
"Is this early?" he asked.
Jessica closed her eyes. She needed time to absorb the
news before she could even begin to consider success rates and treatment. She
wished Nick would just shut up and not take control of a situation for once in
his life.
Jill saw Jessica mentally shut them out and looked
back at Nick, shaking her head, "In most cases by the time we diagnose it
the cancer has spread. This looks to be fairly advanced."
"What does that mean?"
"Stop, Nick." Jessica whispered suddenly
He turned to her with surprise, "I'm just-"
"Don't. Not now."
His eyes pleaded with her, "But-"
She shook her head adamantly. "Ask tomorrow. I
don't think I can take this right now."
Jill decided to step in, "It's probably a good
idea if you digest the news first. The oncologist is better equipped to answer
any questions that you have. We'll also know more when we get the blood tests
back. I'll call Dr. Foster now." She left quietly. Jessica stood up and
kept her eyes focussed away from Nick. He felt her shut him out and blew out a
deep breath, trying not to get angry, but unable to rid himself of the need to know
everything. Know thy enemy, the first rule of combat, he thought, and if this
wasn't war, he didn't know what was. He just couldn't understand Jessica's
desire to remain uninformed. Jill reappeared with two books in her hand.
"The appointment is made. Here are the
details." She handed Jessica a sheet of paper before turning to Nick,
"I want to loan you these books. Just in case either of you want to know a
little bit more about the disease." She handed them to Nick and he smiled
gratefully.
"I'll keep in touch." She promised.
She showed them out and they slowly made their way to
their cars.
Nick squeezed Jessica's shoulder. "I'll see you
at home. We can talk about it more if you want."
Jessica looked at her feet, "I'm going to the
studio."
"What?"
"I have work to do. I'll see you tonight."
She opened the car door and started the engine. Nick stood on the kerb and
watched her disappear down the road. 'Well I'm not going back to the studio or
office,' he thought. He looked at the books in his hand and was hit with an
idea. The library. What better place to do research.
***
As soon as Jessica walked into the studio, she knew it
was a mistake.
"Jessica!" Lea exclaimed brightly.
"Where have you been?"
"Out." She replied stiffly.
"Well duh. Out where? And where is Nick?"
"I think he went home."
"Home? At
Jessica breathed deeply to dispel her annoyance,
"I don't know where he is. Can I go now or do you want someone else to
cross examine me?" she stalked to her desk and sat down heavily.
"So-rry!" Lea whispered sarcastically.
"Talk about a hostile witness."
Jessica sat silently, staring blankly at the
clutter in front of her. How could this be, she asked herself over and over. It
seemed that every time she became happy, someone pulled the rug out from
beneath her. She almost felt breathless at this latest problem. Cancer? That
was something your aunt got. It didn't happen to people like me. She went into
one of the offices inside the studio and turned on the computer and typed
"cancer" into the search engine. It replied with over a million hits.
She sat back and stared at it in stunned silence. She slowly became more
courageous and typed "ovarian cancer". There were a surprising number
of websites devoted to the topic, from informative sites to support groups. She
exited hurriedly and sat again in silence. Her lack of activity didn't go
unnoticed by Lea and her father. Both eyed each other warily. Neither wanted to
bring up the subject, but they also didn't want the other to start. Finally Joe
piped up, "Are you okay, honey?"
Jessica looked up guiltily, "I'm fine. Can't a
person in this studio think for a minute without being bombarded with
questions?"
"I'm sorry. I was just curious," Joe
apologised quickly.
"Well go be curious about someone else." She
grabbed her things and stood, "I have to go."
"But you only just got here!" Lea protested.
Jessica acted as though she didn't hear and
continued out the door. Lea turned to Joe with wide eyes, "Do you think
they're fighting again?"
"I don't know. But I'm sure it's nothing."
"It didn't look like nothing to me." Lea
replied, turning back to her work.
"Me neither." Joe whispered to himself.
***
Nick sat at home with left over soup in front of him.
He had no idea where Jessica was and wasn't sure whether he was ready to face
her. His trip to the library had been successful and he was now equipped with a
fairly good understanding of what they were up against. The success rate for a
late diagnosed ovarian cancer was less than 10%. The statistic numbed him, and
the news seemed only to get worse. Ovarian cancer was the second most common
cancer in women after breast cancer. But he felt positive. Jessica wouldn't die
– they had too much going for them for anything to go wrong now.
He looked up when she walked in and promised himself
that he would say nothing to make her angry. She needed support not an enemy.
He pasted a smile on his face and kissed her tenderly, "Hey, you must be
hungry. I'll reheat something for you."
"No," she replied dully. "I've already
eaten. I'm going to bed."
His smile faded, "Ok. Do you want some wine? Or a
cup of tea?"
"No thanks." She kissed him lightly on the
cheek. "Goodnight baby."
"Night."
An hour later he entered their bedroom to find her
curled up beneath the sheets with one arm flung onto his pillow. He undressed
quickly and slipped in next to her, frowning when she rolled away from him.
With a sigh he pulled the covers up to his chin and spent the night in deep
thought. Nick finally gave up on sleep just after four and Jessica found him
two hours later writing lyrics in his office.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and nibbled his
ear, "I'm sorry," she whispered.
He stroked her arm, "I know."
"It's just…I don't know how to react."
"I know."
She slowly blew out a breath, quelling her frustration
with him. "I don't understand how you can be so calm about this."
He rubbed his temples thoughtfully, "I don't
think it has really hit me yet."
"This is serious, Nicholas."
He put the pen down and put his hands on her shoulders
"We don't know that yet. Let's wait until we talk to the oncologist."
Jessica bit her lip, "I am so scared." Tears
threatened to fall and Nick wrapped his arms around her.
"It will be okay. I'm sure of it."
"How do you know?" she whispered.
"Because we have too much going for us for
anything to go wrong."
"I went to see momma."
"You did?" he asked, surprised.
She smiled ruefully, "It probably wasn’t a
smart decision."
"How did she react?"
"With tears…regret. You see…her
sister died of ovarian cancer."
Nick digested the news.
"I wanted to tell her first…to prepare
her…" Jessica continued quietly.
Nick could see where she was going with
this, "Everything is going to be all right, Jess. Trust me."
Her eyes revealed her doubts. "I also told Cacee.
We had dinner…she spent most of it crying. She wants me to call her after
the appointment."
"Why?"
"She wants to know if it's bad news."
"It won't be."
"We don't know that."
"Everything will be all right," he repeated.
Jessica buried her face in his chest and tried with all her might to believe
him.
***
At eight, Nick called the Lea.
"Lea, Jessica and I won't be in until lunchtime.
Can you cancel all our appointments?"
"Nick, is something wrong? One day is suspicious
enough, but two workaholics taking TWO days off…I don't believe it,"
Lea's voice bounced down the line.
"It's nothing…please, just cancel our
appointments."
"Okay…but I take no responsibility for the
rumours that may get started."
"Bye Lea."
"And what am I going to tell the others? And Joe
and the producers coming in today?" she suddenly exclaimed. Nick hung up
the phone.
***
A tall and distinguished looking doctor walked into
the room, exuding experience and confidence. Jessica and Nick immediately
relaxed.
"I'm Dr. Morris, you must be Jessica."
Jessica attempted a smile and shook his hand.
"This is my husband, Nick Lachey."
They shook hands. "Okay. I like to get the bad
news over with, so here's the synopsis. Via ultrasound and blood test we have
come to the conclusion that you do indeed have ovarian cancer. Our first attack
against it will be surgery and then I'd like to begin chemotherapy and
radiation therapy. Any questions so far?"
He looked at their numb expressions, "I
understand that this seems sudden, but we need to begin treating this immediately.
The symptoms of cancer don't often appear until a late stage, so we always
begin at a disadvantage. Unfortunately, yours was a late diagnosis."
Nick saw the odds of survival plummet from 85% to 10%.
Now he allowed himself to get scared.
"What about side effects?" Jessica mumbled,
disliking the sound of chemotherapy.
"Cancer is difficult to treat and we are forced
to use drastic measures. The side effects are awful, and I won't hide that from
you. I can even introduce you to some other patients of mine who will talk you
through it."
Jessica nodded.
The doctor continued, "Treatment is much more
successful now than it was ten years ago. I don't want to give false hope, but
treating a primary cancer is much easier than treating secondaries. Let's begin
treatment and go from there."
The appointment continued for another hour. Details
were given until both Jessica and Nick felt swamped. Finally the doctor stood
and walked them out of his office. Jessica had another appointment the next day
for more accurate tests. Nick took her hand and led her back to his car.
"Let's not go back to the studio," he
suggested impulsively. "I'll call Lea."
"I think we have to tell them, Nick."
"It can wait a day."
"No. I don't want to keep them in the dark. I
want to tell them now."
Against his better judgement he agreed and drove them
to the studio.
It was a solemn pair that entered the office. Lea
looked up as they entered. She didn't appreciate being hung up on and had some
words to say to Nick but their expressions made her revise what she was going
to say. Instead she joked, "Who died?"
Jessica turned to her blankly, and Lea realised
belatedly that hindsight was in fact a wonderful thing.
"Is everybody here?" Nick glanced around the
studio, seeing just Drew and Lea.
Lea nodded, "Tina, Joe and Ashlee just got here
they’re in his office, Larry and Justin, and Jeff are in the conference
room."
"Get Tina and the rest of them."
He led Jessica to one of the conference rooms. Once
everybody was assembled, Nick took Jessica's hand.
Justin saw the gesture and grinned, "Are you
pregnant?"
Nick shook his head, "No…we have some bad
news."
Joe and Ashlee raised her eyebrows, "What is
it?"
Nick was about to launch into a lengthy
explanation, but Jessica beat him to it, "I have cancer." Her words
reverberated around the room.
"Cancer?" Joe whispered in shock.
Jessica nodded, tears beginning to prick her eyes.
Questions raced through everybody's minds.
"Cancer of what?" Ashlee asked.
Jessica turned to him, "Ovarian cancer."
"When did you find out?" was Drew's
question.
"Yesterday," Nick answered.
"I am so sorry," Jeff said, addressing them
both. He knew that the news would have as great effect on Nick as it would
Jessica. He may not have been a great fan of their relationship in the beginning,
but he knew now that they were right for each other. This cancer could destroy
them.
Larry's mind was back on business, "I'll
take over the production with Ryan case."
"That won't be necessary," Jessica responded
calmly.
"I think you both need some time off."
"I don't feel sick, Larry. I want to be treated
normally."
"Although I'm worried about how you feel,
Jessica, it's not my primary concern. I'm more worried about how the news will
affect you. You won't be in the right frame of mind to help Ryan work on
getting a good album out."
"I can do the damn album!" Jessica snapped.
"Jessica…" Nick soothed.
She ignored him, "This is what I didn't
want…I don't want…sympathy; I don't want to be treated as though
I'm fragile. Please…treat me as though nothing's wrong." Her plea
was heartfelt and the issue was dropped for the moment. Nick silently agreed
with Larry but knew that this wasn't the right place to talk about it. It would
take hours of gentle persuasion, not an order.
***
"Mr. Lachey you can come in now."
Jessica turned and saw Nick’s nervous face and
gave him a hug. Nick stood and took her hand. It was time to meet with
Jessica felt completely unprepared. She had spent the
night reading through the papers, preparing arguments and worrying about Nick
and getting him this deal. She felt more tired than she was willing to admit.
She tried to concentrate on the meeting.
Again he was turned down and Jessica tried but he
threatened her career too and that is where Nick drew the line. He
wouldn’t let her dream be ruined because she was sticking up for him.
They went home and Jessica hugged Nick. They had lunch and Ryan and Barbara
were there to work on the album. They went down in the studio and started
recording but you could tell they weren’t there. Ryan wasn’t doing
great and neither Jess nor Nick tried to fix his mistakes or correct him. After
an hour Barbara pulled Nick and
"What the hell were you doing in there?" she
shrieked.
"Excuse me?" Nick responded with annoyance.
"I bet you didn't hear one note, one vocal! The
boy was practically doing everything on his own! We did not pay good
money-"
"Oh shut up!" Jessica interrupted.
Barbara glared at her, "What did you say?"
"I said shut up! I am so sick of listening to you
complain. Maybe you should have thought about the hard work BEFORE you took
your client."
"I am happy I took my client." Barbara yelled
back.
"Baby-" Nick tried to interrupt.
Jessica continued without hearing, "Oh please!
You prance around and boss
"I am new at this and he is my first client, so
of course I am not used to this yet."
"I am good at this job and I resent you saying
that I am not. I want Ryan to have a new label we don’t need you
two."
"Barbara…" Nick soothed, glaring at
Jessica. "We know what we're doing. We are giving Ryan a chance to get a
feel for himself what it’s like; this is all new to him too."
"I at least want HER not working for him,"
she snapped, pointing a fire engine red fingernail at Jessica.
"Jessica is recording the next song with him, so
I need her today. After that it will just be me." Nick decided, silencing
Jessica with a look.
Barbara nodded with assent. They all walked back in to
record with Ryan Nick sighed and walked over to him. He had a bad feeling about
this whole thing.
End of part 2.
Title: Losing
Streak Part 3
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: WOW!
Okay two parts in one night is big deal for me THREE in one night is a MIRACLE!
But y’all are responding SO well to this story, it is amazing, I really
wasn’t expecting this! Please, please keep sending the feedback to [email protected]
and keep on replying to my posts, I love hearing what y’all have to say!
I am onto part four now!
Summary: See parts 1-2,
Jessica has cancer and Nick and her deal with the struggles to staying strong.
Disclaimer: Not mine
sorry! Wish they were though!
“Losing
Streak” Part 3
Ryan glanced at Nick and Jessica with speculation. He
had a feeling that he might be able to get away with a lot today and decided
that he should grasp it while he had the chance. It wasn't often that a new
artist could slide things past the producers.
Ryan and Jessica were working on the song and Nick was
helping with the vocals but Barbara didn’t like how it was going, it
wasn’t good enough for her so she sighed loudly and glared at Jessica.
Jessica gave Barbara a disgusted look.
Jessica saw Ryan’s smug look and wondered what
had happened. She had tuned out again and by the looks of Nick's glazed eyes,
he had too.
Drew had slipped into the back of the studio to watch
some of the recording. He was worried about this artist, knowing that neither
Jessica nor Nick was in any condition to be taking on Ryan alone right now. He
watched Jessica's appalling performance with a grimace and decided that it was
high time that he took over.
The day soon ended, much to Nick's relief. Drew joined
them on the way upstairs. Barbara followed close by and carefully chose her
words for when they were alone. She was ready to use the word “see my
lawyer in court” a lot and also ignorant and stupid. She just couldn't
believe that she had chosen this label on the basis of their reputation.
"What the hell do you think you were doing in
there?" Barbara screeched as soon as they were in the front hall upstairs,
Ryan was packing up and coming upstairs.
"Barbara…" Nick began.
"No, I won't let you placate me. That was
laughable, you let Ryan walk all over you, and he got away with things any
person off the street would want to try in a studio. I am firing you.”
"You can't fire us in the middle of putting a
record together."
"Well I am and I'm sure that Ryan will allow it
after that ridiculous performance you’ve managed to do today in there."
"May I make a suggestion," Drew interrupted
calmly.
Barbara waved her hand at him. "Go ahead."
"I think I should take over."
"You can't take over in the middle of the album,
Drew," Nick argued.
"I'll ask Ryan to see if he is okay with it and I
am sure Barbara wouldn’t mind me taking over."
Barbara turned to him with a look of absolute
adoration and then whined, "But don't you think we should ask for new
songs and vocals?"
"I don't think it would be worth it, the lyrics
are good we just need to work on the vocals."
Barbara took Drew’s arm and led him out of the
house with Ryan behind them chatting away about her prospects. Jessica watched
with a slight smile on her face, glad to be rid of the bitch, while Nick simply
turned to another file that lay casually on the counter, another artist.
"Let's go eat and lay down," Jessica yawned.
Concern flooded Nick's face, "Are you okay?"
"I'm tired. I feel like I haven't slept in
weeks."
Nick stood and wrapped his arms around her
protectively, and Jessica pressed her face against his shoulder. They stood as
if in stone until Lea walked in unawares from downstairs.
"Oh…sorry." She made a fast exit, but
her interruption caused them to break apart and collect their things. They
talked to Lea for a moment and then waved goodbye as she walked out the front
door, neither proud of their efforts that day, but too tired to really care:
Barbara hadn't inspired any real sympathy in either of them.
"Let's get Chinese," Nick suggested
suddenly, leading her to the kitchen.
Jessica smiled her first real smile of the day and
nodded her agreement, "Remember-"
"How could I forget?" Nick interrupted with
a laugh, remembering the time when he and Jessica had first become couple. She
had taken the last prawn cracker and he had tried to kiss it out of her mouth,
only to choke dramatically on it when he finally stolen it.
"I have never laughed so hard in my life."
He groaned, "I didn't think I'd ever live it
down."
"You still haven't," Jessica replied with a
giggle.
"And if I remember correctly, you were no help
either."
"I was laughing too hard. And I told you…I
don't know the Heimlich manoeuvre."
They walked hand in hand out to the car and drove to
their local Chinese restaurant and placed their order.
"And extra prawn crackers," Jessica finished
with a grin. She was rewarded with a tickle that made her squeal. The other
customers looked warily at them, frowning deeply.
"Shhh!" Nick whispered in her ear.
She raised her eyebrows in defiance, "If you
would just keep your hands to yourself, I'll be quiet."
"I'd like to see that!" He responded with an
arrogant smirk.
Their number was called and the delicious smelling
food taken back home. They lay out the food on the floor in front of the fire
and ate picnic style. Jessica propped herself up with a cushion from the couch
and nibbled on the food. Her appetite was yet to return and if Nick noticed, he
refrained from commenting.
"I go into surgery next week," she
commented.
He gazed at her for a moment before offering a
noncommittal, "I know."
"And then chemotherapy starts immediately
after."
He nodded.
"And then we can put all this behind us,"
she continued.
"I hope so."
"I want to keep working."
"Do you think you'll be able to?"
"I don't know. But I'd like to try"
"Okay."
"Really?" she was expecting him to put up a
fight.
He leaned over and kissed her nose,
"Really."
She grinned suddenly, "Do you want another prawn
cracker?"
Nick pulled the cushion out from underneath her and
whacked her with it, while Jessica shrieked with laughter while trying to
shield herself from his attack.
***
Drew knocked softly on the Joe’s front door. A
light was on inside, in stark contrast to the cold darkness of the outdoors. He
opened it at Joe’s command and sat beside Jeff who was already there. Joe
frowned at him and beckoned for him to begin.
"Joe, Nick and Jessica have had to withdraw as
Ryan’s producers for personal reasons. I will be taking over until the
album is completed."
"I have no objections to that," Jeff
informed Joe.
Joe looked thoughtfully out the window, "I can't
say that I'm surprised. Nor disappointed. Their performance was border-line
negligence and I don't want that for their record label. I think that would be
a very wise choice as much as I love Nick and Jessica they need to focus on other
things now. Anything else?"
"No sir."
"Ok. See you tomorrow."
Jeff said goodnight and
left, Drew was about to
follow when Joe stopped him. He turned to meet his concerned gaze.
"Is everything all right? I mean everything is
still the same as the news we got last night right?"
"Uh…it's really not my place to say,"
he replied apologetically.
He nodded with understanding, "Fine."
***
2 days later…
"What time is it?" Nick asked, stretching
languorously. Jessica shifted with annoyance as his arm reached out over her.
"Ten past eleven," Jessica replied glancing
at the clock on her bed stand.
"We should probably get up," he commented,
making no effort to do so.
"Hmmm," Jessica agreed.
"I haven't been into the studio or worked at all
in two days," he said with a look of complete disbelief.
Jessica grinned, "Must be a record."
He nodded thoughtfully, "It is."
"Everybody knows the reason for your absence,
Nick. And anyway, you haven't had time off in years."
"This isn't much of a holiday...we haven't gotten
out of bed in two days."
"This is exactly what a holiday is. Sleeping in,
sunbathing, eating delicious foods…" she stared dreamily into space.
"Nope. Never had one of those."
She slapped him lightly, "Then you should! Lets
go somewhere…Mexico or Fiji or Mauritius," she sat up with
excitement. "Even if just for a week."
"But your surgery…"
She scowled at him, "Thanks for reminding me. I
meant after the treatment."
"Oh."
Jessica flopped back down onto her pillow, excitement
over, "Next winter…promise me we'll go somewhere warm."
"I promise."
***
Two days later…
Jessica pulled out a small Louis Vuittion suitcase
from the spare room. She laid it on the bed and sat beside it, not wanting to
begin. Nick had unwillingly gone to work for the first time that week, his whole
attitude to work had changed dramatically. She remembered the early phone call.
"Hello…hi Lea…no I wasn't going to
come in…can't you handle it?…she wants me?…okay…yes,
I'll be there…bye."
He had slammed the phone down, rolled over and kissed
Jessica and stomped to the shower, while Jessica grinned to herself. The
honeymoon that had been the last 5 days was over, it was time to get out of bed
and begin to prepare.
***
Barbara strode into the Universal Records studio with
Ryan hurrying by his side. They had finished a few of their songs for the album
and they were about to show them to Universal. Nick and Drew both agreed that
Ryan wasn’t going to work with them and it just wouldn’t work out,
they had picked up a few other clients and they seemed to be working out
better. So they dropped Ryan just like that and Barbara was pissed to say the
least. Universal told them to come down today and they’d know for sure
what would happen. They stood and waited for the results from the president of
the label.
"Well Ryan after listening to this and hearing
you the other day we would like to sign you to our label."
Barbara's jaw dropped to the floor and
she turned to Ryan, "This is excellent, but we owe so much money to the
stupid Lachey’s label and we don’t have that money!"
***
Jessica lay on the gurney, quietly watching the nurses
bustle around her. A nurse finally leaned over her and smiled encouragingly,
"They're ready for you."
"Okay," Jessica croaked.
The anaesthetist approached Jessica and efficiently
injected a syringe full for clear liquid into her vein.
"Count to ten for me," he asked brusquely.
"One,
two….three………four……………"
She nodded off and he made a final check by lifting her eyelid and tapping the
corner of her eye. There was no blink reflex and he gave the signal for the
nurse to take the gurney into the operating room. Nick watched through the
window, the image indelibly burning itself on his brain.
He closed his eyes, "Please come back,
baby."
End of part 3.
Title: Losing Streak Part
4
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Part
4, here it is! Thank you all so much for everything! You guys are the best! I
love ya all and thank you all for everything! Y’all are awesome!
Keep on sending the feedback! You can e-mail me at [email protected]
or just keep on replying to the message board like y’all are! Thanks
again!
Summary: See parts 1-3.
When we left off Jessica was going in for her surgery and Nick was waiting.
Please remember for the sake of my story Cate passed away from breast cancer,
and John and her had never divorced before that, Drew and Nick were both in
their early teens when she passed away. Drew was still too young to really take
everything in but Nick was about 15 and he took it very hard. Trust me it has a
LOT of relevance to this story!
Disclaimer: I don’t
own them I just use them to play around with in my stories!
“Losing
Streak” Part 4
Nick looked out the window into the
hospital's emergency entrance to where an ambulance had arrived: it’s
flashing lights casting blue and red highlights over the room. Nick watched as
doctors and nurses huddled around the person and in a flurry of activity and
urgency they disappeared from view. He checked his watch for the umpteenth time
that hour to find that only 5 minutes had passed. He sighed and rubbed his face
tiredly. Memories of his mother's illness were hard to repress during moments
like this and he painfully allowed them come back. She had died so
slowly…in incredible pain. Her last hours of lucidity were spent begging
for the end and her tearful voice was etched deep into his soul. He would never
forget the look of desperation in her eyes, nor the sadness in his father's. It
was only now, years later that he felt what his father must have felt. He
jumped with surprise as the object of his thoughts appeared by his side.
"How is she?" John asked, the concern
evident in his expression.
Nick shrugged helplessly, "I don't know."
The two men stood side by side in silence, a canyon of
unexpressed thoughts and feelings separating them. John tentatively placed his
hand on Nick's shoulder and the gesture brought tears to both their eyes.
"She'll be fine," John told his son gruffly.
“Where are her parents?”
“Jess told them not to bother coming down, she
didn’t want to create uproar. Ashlee is just starting her new album and
Tina and Joe are so overworked and busy on that, Jess didn’t want to take
the time away because she knows how much it means to her. It’s her big
break, Jess is so proud of her; she doesn’t want this interrupting
it.”
A polite cough from the doorway made them turn.
"Nick?"
Nick saw the doctor, feeling his mouth turn to cotton.
"Yea…?" he grunted nervously.
Dr. Morris noticed the nervousness and got straight to
the point, "It went well. We removed the tumour and as far as I could tell
we removed it all. I also examined the lymph nodes and they too looked normal.
This is a good sign."
Nick felt his knees go weak and mumbled, "Thank
God."
The doctor slapped him on the arm in a masculine gesture
of comfort and left to check on his patient.
He turned to his father with relief, "She's going
to be okay."
"Yes she is."
Meanwhile, blankness turned into conscious thought as
Jessica woke up from the anaesthetic. Her first sense was a sharp jolt as the
achingly bright hospital lights burned red through her eyelids. She opened them
slowly and soon realised that she was moving along a corridor, through swinging
doors and into a darker, quieter room.
"Glad to have you back with us, Jessica,"
someone said, the humour evident in their voice. Jessica turned towards the
source of the voice and focussed on a friendly face.
"I'm Pam, I'll be one of the nurses in your
ward."
"Hi," Jessica whispered hoarsely. She looked
around her, "Where's Nick?"
"Brown hair, piercing blue eyes, sex dripping off
him?" Pam asked, still smiling.
Jessica laughed woozily at the description,
"That's him."
"Dr. Morris went to talk to him after the
surgery. He should be here soon."
Jessica suddenly remembered the surgery, "How
did…?" she trailed off, not sure whether she wanted to hear the
answer.
Pam understood, "It went well. Dr. Morris can
explain."
Jessica dropped her head back onto the pillow with
relief.
***
Drew strode out the studio, mind preoccupied with
thoughts of Jessica's surgery. Nick had phoned from the hospital to say that it
went well, and there had been a collective sigh of relief around the office at
the news. Life now had permission to continue normally.
He walked down the hallway and into Nick’s
office. As soon as he sat down the door opened, Lea was on the phone with
somebody so Drew told whoever it was to come one in, it opened and revealed a
familiar face.
"Tommy Silva," he commented dryly. This was
a family friend of Drew’s father, he was never a favourite to Drew or
Nick for that matter but they were nice to him because he was friends with
John, he was a very well known lawyer in California, "Need a record
deal?"
"No I have a surprise for your record label.
Follow me."
Drew turned on his heel and followed the lawyer back
to the main office in the studio. Silva's appearance was met with an astonished
silence. After the lawsuit all those Christmases ago, Silva and Nick’s
record label had barely acknowledged each other's existence. They would have
been less surprised (and much happier) if Brad Pitt himself had walked through
the door. Jeff was the first to react, "What the hell are you doing
here?" he snarled.
Tommy smiled, "Jeffy, we used to be friends, what
happened?"
"What happened is that you tried to hang us out
to dry. We have long memories, Tommy," Justin replied just as nastily.
"As do I." He held up a white envelope.
"I received a call from a Mrs. Kiereth…delightful lady…she
wasn't too happy with her new client’s representation and as she and her
client work on a new deal with Universal, we are citing malpractice. We are
also filing suit against the label seeking damages. It's all in here. See you
in court," he left the office with a cocky stride.
"What?!" Justin cried, outraged.
Lea shook her head morosely, "Not again,"
she whispered, referring to the last time Silva tried suing Nick over some
stupid contract violation.
***
Nick walked into the hospital room at the
same time as the doctor and smiled when he saw her sleeping peacefully. The
doctor looked at her chart and nodded happily, "Her recovery is going
well. I'll come back when she wakes up." He left brusquely, his mind
immediately turning to the next patient. Nick couldn't imagine how he dealt
with the constant stream of cancer patients. Surely it would depress him. He
imagined the doctor would have a similar mechanism as he did for not letting
himself get caught up in the pain and despair.
"Oh Nicholas…" a voice murmured
amorously.
Nick's eyes flew open in surprise; but he was amused
to see that Jessica was still asleep. He couldn't wait to brag about this one.
She moaned softly and whispered, "Please?" and he couldn't help but
laugh. She woke up with a start and smiled sweetly when she saw him,
"Hi."
A smile spread across his face, "Hi. How are you
feeling?"
She grimaced, "Like someone just tore my guts
out."
He wrinkled his nose, "Thanks for that lovely
description. It sounded as though you were having a nice dream though."
She smiled, remembering, "Yes it was about
you."
He smirked, "It is to be expected."
She threw a pillow at him, "Not that sort of
dream."
"You know, baby, you've never had to beg before.
I've always been a willing participant."
She stared at him quizzically, "I have no idea
what you're talking about."
"In your dream you were begging. I'm telling you
it really isn't necessary…unless it was a fantasy…"
She shook her head in confusion, "Yeah. In YOUR
dreams, maybe. Now what did the doctor say?"
Nick continued to smile, "It went well. He's
confident that he got everything and he also said that all your lymph nodes
were normal and that is a good sign."
"Good."
"Chemotherapy next."
She frowned, "Yeah."
"Everything's going to be all right," he
squeezed her hand.
"I hope so."
Nick laughed again, "Oh
Nicholas…please…" he mimicked her perfectly
***
Meanwhile, the other singers looked at each other, all
thinking the same thing. Lea was the first one to voice her thoughts,
"Shouldn't someone tell Nick?"
They glared at her and Drew sighed with resignation,
"I'll do it, it's my responsibility. He appointed me in charge."
“I wanted to talk to him anyway, I’ll do
it.” Lea stated determined to tell him.
Drew saw her determination and shrugged, "Fine.
You do it."
Lea nodded and walked into Nick's office, closing the
door against the prying ears.
Nick's voice was tired when he answered, "Nick
Lachey."
"Nick. It's Lea."
"Lea. Uh…what's up?"
"Are you busy?"
"Hang on." She could hear muffled voices on
the other side and the shutting of a door, before Nick's voice returned,
"I'm here."
"Tommy Silva came to the studio today."
Nick sounded distracted, "Silva? What did he
want?"
"He's representing Barbara Kiereth and Ryan in
their appeal and…against the studio. There's no easy way to say
this…we're being sued again."
There was a pause.
"Nick?"
"Okay. I'll come in this afternoon. Organize a
meeting."
"I'm sorry about this, Nick."
"Thanks Lea."
She hung up the phone and leaned back in Nick's
leather chair, looking at his tidy desk, taking in the framed picture of
Jessica. She remembered the early days wistfully. How happy they had been! They
were newlyweds, how carefree! She remembered having to urge Nick to take the
first step, and always having to offer advice that he didn't necessarily want
to hear. She remembered the sly comments of the others when Jessica's picture
had appeared near his bunk on their Heat It Up tour. She remembered Jessica's
happy blush when Drew blurted it out to her. And the next day a picture of Nick
had magically appeared in prime position on her tour bus. There had been
laughter at this and groans of how sickly sweet and romantic it was, but it had
been a turning point in the relationship. And it had worked in the end: the
eternal bachelor, Nicholas Lachey was in love and married. Quite an
accomplishment, Lea congratulated herself proudly. And now this. Why did the
good things always have to go wrong?
Jeff poked her head in the door and saw Lea staring
into space. "Did you call him?" he asked loudly.
Lea jumped about three feet into the air with surprise
and glared at him, "You could have knocked."
"Sorry. Did you call him?"
"Yes. He's coming in. Make sure everybody's
available for a meeting."
"Okay." Jeff grinned. "You can go back
to sleep now."
Lea watched his smiling face disappear around the
door. At least some things were still the same, she thought ruefully.
***
Nick walked back into the small hospital room, where
Jessica was again sleeping. He kissed her softly on the forehead and picked up
his coat when her sleepy voice stopped him.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to go back to the studio."
"And you weren't going to say goodbye?"
"You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake
you."
"What's wrong at the studio?"
"Nothing. Just a song that Drew wants my opinion
on."
Jessica furrowed her eyebrows in thought, "Can't
it wait?"
"Apparently not."
Their lips met in a quick goodbye kiss, "I'll be
back soon." Nick promised. "Don't watch too much daytime TV."
"But Jerry's on!" Jessica complained
jokingly.
"What's the topic, 'My four wives worship me but
I don't like any of them'?"
Jessica laughed, "Close but I think it's 'my
lesbian lover is having my father's baby'."
"And I'm going to miss it?" he pretended to
be bitterly disappointed.
Jessica laughed again and Nick was secretly pleased
that his jokes were working.
"Rest and relaxation," he reminded her.
"Don't go running around the hospital or anything. Especially not in that
hospital gown."
"Yes, sir!" she teased.
"I say this because according to Cacee, there are
a hundred cute doctors out there. I don't want you falling for someone
else."
Jessica frowned, "Where *is* Cacee?"
"I told you…there are a hundred cute
doctors out there. You think she'd lock herself in here with you?"
"You're so funny," she told him
sarcastically. "If you see her, tell her that the cutest doctors are up
here."
Nick scanned the room, a look of worry on his face,
"I didn't see any cute doctors."
"She doesn’t have to know that."
He smiled, "I have to go."
They kissed again and Nick tore himself away.
"Nicholas?" her voice again called him back.
"Yes?"
She stared at him knowingly, "Whatever is wrong
at the studio, don't stress too much."
He smiled ruefully; she knew him too well.
"Okay."
"Love you," she called.
"Love you too."
***
Nick walked briskly through the door, all business,
"Okay. What happened?"
He was met with the jumbled sound of five people
talking at once and groaned. He did not need this today. "Stop!" he
ordered. "One at time. Drew?"
"Tommy Silva arrived about an hour ago and
announced that we were being sued by Barbara Kiereth and Ryan for malpractice
and damages to contract violation. All of us are named personally, you, me,
Jeff, Justin, Joe and Jessica."
Nick rubbed his face tiredly and the others shared
concerned looks, "Lets see if we can get this kicked. Jeff, you and Drew
can handle it for now, call up Larry and he’ll hook us up with our
lawyer, what’s his name, ah, ah… Mark! Tell him to get us a meeting
with Mark and let’s see if we can settle it or something. Just get rid of
it."
Jeff nodded.
"Justin…talk to Silva. I don't think you'll
get anywhere, but it might work."
"Okay."
"How's everything else going?"
"We have another new girl coming in next
week." Lea announced
“Which girl is that?" Nick asked.
"Lindsay West. The one who sang gospel records
and decided she wanted to branch out… Seems she just lost her mother and
her father walked out long ago, she’s only got her brother and sister now
and they’re helping her with this 100%."
Nick appeared unaffected but inside his heart was
pounding, how could one even contemplate being in such a situation? He realised
that everyone was waiting for a response and their concern was visible in their
eyes. He cleared his throat, "How's it going?"
Lea swallowed, wishing that someone would change the
subject, "It's fine, Nick. I think we have a good helping out."
He sighed with relief, "Great. Is that all?"
They nodded mutely.
"I'm going then. If you need me I'll have my cell
phone."Jessica
for us and that we'll come in to see her tonight," Drew told him brightly.
He smiled gratefully at her, "I will."
They watched him go in silence.
Four sets of eyes turned to Drew once Nick was safely
out the door.
"Why didn't you tell him?" Justin asked, his
voice sounding edgy.
"He doesn't need this right now. I'll tell him
when things have calmed down a little," Drew responded calmly.
They looked at that morning's edition of the LA Daily
News that lay in front of Drew. They had all read the article on page four,
which accused the label of having lost their edge
"…No more can aspiring artists be assured a
profession and winning record deal at LA Record studios, N&J Lachey Entertainment." it read.
"After losing five high profile artists and now being named in a
malpractice suit by the fifth losing client, the studio run by 98 Degrees lead
singer, Nicholas Lachey is looking as downtrodden as some of its clients.
Instead artists are turning to a new studio run by the young and zealous Gerald
Hays. Nicholas Lachey was unavailable for comment, but Mr. Hays was
enthusiastic about his studio's rise in profile…"
"When did they call?" Drew asked Lea
curiously.
"Yesterday…they didn’t say what it
was about. And how was I to know that they'd write that?" she responded a
little too defensively.
"I'm not accusing you of anything," Drew
said, exasperated. "I was just curious."
"You may not be accusing me, but they certainly
are," Lea retorted pointing to Jeff and Justin.
Jeff narrowed his eyes, "I just think
you could have asked them what they wanted him for. That's all."
"You tell me to say no comment to every reporter.
And if I hadn't said that you'd be accusing me now of telling them too much. I
can't win with you!"
"That's enough!" Drew ordered.
"I just-" Lea whined.
"Lea!" he interrupted. "We can't do
anything about this now, so let's move on. Lea are you sure you don't need any
help with the West girl?"
"No. It's fine. She's coming here this
afternoon."
"Great. Let’s get back to work then."
They all filed out of the conference room, Drew and
Lea glaring at each other warily.
***
"There are so many cute doctors in this
hospital!" Cacee announced as she swept into the room.
"Yeah. Thanks for ditching me."
"I figured you'd want to spend some time with
Nick."
"Yeah right. You were just too busy handing out
your phone number."
Pam, the nurse, walked in and bustled around Jessica.
Cacee conceded, "I only gave it to three doctors
and one nurse."
"Thinking of playing for the other team?"
Jessica asked with a laugh.
"Funny. Did they accidentally give you a lobotomy
while you were in surgery?"
"Sorry. Please continue…your story is
fascinating." Jessica pasted a bored expression on her face.
"The nurse is male. I like the idea of a man
doing a woman's job…it's actually kind of sexy."
"Woman's job?" Pam asked.
Jessica enjoyed Cacee's embarrassed expression,
"I mean traditionally…" Cacee stammered.
"What was the nurse's name?" Pam asked
curiously.
"Josh."
Pam burst out laughing, "You may not be playing
for the other team, but he certainly is!"
"But…but…he gave me that
smile…!"
"He has bets on with other nurses."
Cacee shrugged, "Oh well. You can't win them all."
"Maybe Jessica can give you hints on what to look
for in a man…she certainly hooked a good one."
***
Justin ordered himself a drink and looked out for
Silva. The bar was teeming with lawyers and clerks and celebrities he noticed
the curious looks, the snide remarks about losing their touch and the giggles
behind hands. They had all seen the article and the air was distinctly hostile.
Justin sipped his beer silently and eventually saw Silva walk in the door.
"Justin," Silva asked with good humour,
"Do you really think you're going to convince me to drop this?"
Justin ignored the question, "Did you organize
for that story in the Daily News?"
Silva grinned, "Of course not. I wouldn't hurt a
person when they were down." His expression clearly contradicted his
words.
"Off the record. We want to kick this."
Silva grinned smugly, "I bet you do."
"What will it take?"
"Ten million and admission of guilt."
"No way. It'd bankrupt us."
"That's the idea. You know…after that
article appeared I've been having calls from your other clients who lost their
labels and contracts from you guys. I'm meeting with them tomorrow."
Justin felt his face going red, "They
weren’t strong enough for this business."
"Maybe, but everybody has a right to a competent
record deal."
"No jury will award them damages!"
"I'd like to try. Have you told Nick?"
"Yes."
"Where is he? In hiding?"
"No. At the hospital-" Justin stopped
suddenly, wondering how much he could tell Silva.
Silva's curiosity was piqued, "Hospital?
Why?"
"It doesn't matter."
Silva shrugged and stood suddenly, "Gotta go.
Nice talking to you Justin. I guess I'll be seeing you in court."
"We'll win this one Silva. Just like last
time," Justin called. A hush fell over the bar and Silva's laugh was heard
clearly. After a moment's pause, the whispers began again and Justin, red faced
walked out with as much composure as he could muster.
Everybody was curious when he returned, "How did
it go?"
Justin shook his head, "He was confident. And it
was him who organized the story in the Daily News."
"We should sue the Daily News," Lea
commented wistfully.
"They didn't say anything really libellous,"
Drew argued.
"But it would show that we were fighting this. I
don't like just sitting here and doing nothing."
"But we don't want to look desperate," Jeff
was adamant.
"We are desperate," Lea reminded her
helpfully. She was rewarded with a glare.
"We'll take it to court," Drew decided.
"We won last time, this case isn't any different. We talk to Larry and
Mike just like Nick said, and we take this to court."
"It's very different, Drew. Nick and Jessica
*were* negligent with handling Ryan’s entire record deal, not just one
portion of it but the whole thing straight from the beginning."
"We'll win." Drew replied confidently.
He was met with four sets of disbelieving stares and
turned to go to Nick’s office.
***
Cacee had left and Jessica was looking out
the window when Nick arrived back at the hospital. He leaned on the doorframe
with flowers in hand and waited for her to notice him. When she didn't turn he
cleared his throat and watched her jump.
"God you scared me!" she laughed.
He smiled back, "Sorry."
"The doctor just came by. He's discharging me
tomorrow. He said that I could go back to work next week."
"Did he?" Nick replied slowly.
"Yeah. I can't wait to go back…this is
boring. And I don't even feel sick."
"Do you feel like eating?"
Jessica avoided his eyes, "Not really. But I'm
sure my appetite will return."
He nodded noncommittally, trying to avoid an argument.
But she noticed and her eyes narrowed, "You don't want me to go back, do
you?"
He sighed, "Baby, I-"
"I knew this would happen! I knew you agreed to
easily when I asked you last week!"
"I'm just trying to protect you."
"I don't need protecting."
He opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of
it, "It's my fault."
Jessica raised her eyebrows in surprise at the
change in tactics, "What?"
"I take the blame."
Her eyes narrowed as the wheels began to turn,
"Why?"
"I shouldn't have married such a stubborn,
headstrong, pig-headed woman who won't allow herself to be protected. It's my
fault."
Jessica smiled, "Stubborn and pig headed,
huh?"
"Don't forget headstrong."
Jessica slapped her palm against her forehead
jokingly, "Oh yes. Headstrong. How could I forget?"
"It’s my fault."
"You had no chance Nicholas. Once I had my claws
stuck into you…you had no choice but to marry me."
"You're right! It *is* your fault!"
"Because I'm so stubborn."
He grinned, "And pigheaded."
"And headstrong," she added. Her laughter
died down and she said seriously, "Nicholas…"
He understood, "Let's wait til next week. See how
you feel. Then we’ll talk to your dad and see what performances
you’re supposed to be doing."
She accepted the compromise, "Okay." She
gestured to the flowers, "Are they for me?"
He shook his head regretfully, "No they're for
the lady in the next room. She's nicer to me than you are."
She pouted, "Very funny."
He handed her the flowers and she sniffed them
gratefully, "I can't wait to get out of here," she looked at him
balefully. "So I can kick your ass! Headstrong and
stubborn…hah!"
***
Lea listened to the young sympathetically. She was
close to tears and forcing herself to continue.
"Lindsay," she said when he paused. "We
can do this tomorrow."
"No, Lea. I have to…I want to do this now.
It will never be easy. I want to do this record but I don’t want to feel
like a complete stranger when I show you my writing, there are meanings behind
these lyrics I’ve written, I want you to know them."
She allowed her to continue.
"…The scar from the first surgery just
wouldn't heal so she went back to the doctor and he said that they might have
to operate again and repair the damage. He said that the sutures may have come
undone or something…we were so angry…but we allowed him to go in again."
"What happened?"
She shook her head and squeezed her eyes
shut, "She was so full of life…happy…when she went into
surgery. I waited outside with my brother and sister…and after about two
hours, the doctor came out and said that something had gone horribly
wrong….her heart had just slowed down and stopped and they…they
couldn't…" she covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
"Did he say anything else?"
She took a deep breath to compose herself, "He
said that it looked like hyperkalemia." She stumbled over the word.
"I went home and looked it up. It means excess potassium in the blood. It
stops the heart from beating."
"Did they say how it happened?"
"No…only that they were looking into it. I
never heard from them again. I lost my momma because they…because of a stupid
mistake. I…I…miss her…so much…"
Lea patted her arm comfortingly and looked at the
lyrics on her notepad. She would get this girl the best album recorded. No
matter how hard or how much work Lea was determined to make her the next Pop
Princess.
End of part 4.
Title: Losing Streak Part 5
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note:
Oh my gahh… Thank you ALL for this AMAZING response of feedback I
have received. It is absolutely amazing, and I am so overwhelmed and happy you
all are enjoying this story! I am having a lot of fun writing it and I promise
I have a TON more coming your way for PLEASE keep up with the feedback! You can
reply to the posts or e-mail me at [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-4
Disclaimer: Not my characters, I’m just writing
about them!
“Losing Streak” Part 5
One week later…
"What about this one?" Jessica called across
the designer boutique to Ashlee as she placed the hat on her head. Ashlee
turned expectantly and burst out laughing.
"If you were going fly fishing I would say
yes…but otherwise…"
Jessica grinned and placed it back on the rack,
"Damn. I thought it was a winner. Who on earth makes these ugly hats? Do
they even put them on women to see how they look?" she asked rhetorically
(and loudly) while Ashlee giggled. They received a nasty look from the manager
of the store and shushed each other in forced whispers. Jessica reached for a
more normal looking black hat and placed it on thoughtfully, "This is
nice."
Ashlee adjusted it minutely and they stared at
in the mirror, "I like it," she decided.
"Me too," Jessica agreed, looking at the
price tag. "Oh my gosh!"
"How much?"
"Too much!"
"I'm sure Nick will pay for it," Ashlee
replied breezily.
"It's not whether we can afford it or not, it's
the principle of the thing."
"You and your principles. Just buy it!" she
ordered. "Now help me choose one."
"You don't need a hat! I'm the one whose hair is
going to fall out," Jessica protested with a twisted smile.
"But I don't want you wearing a hat all by
yourself," Ashlee replied as she placed a bright pink 50s style hat on her
head, grimacing at her image in the mirror. Jessica felt her eyes tearing up
and Ashlee translated her silence, "Hey…please don't cry because
then I'll have to cry and I'm already dehydrated from all the crying I've done
over the past two weeks.
Jessica laughed with relief, and handed Ashlee
a blue broad-brimmed hat with a large rose stuck on the front, "Now this
is more like it," she murmured appreciatively.
"I look like I should be going to the horse races
at Royal Ascot," Ashlee told her putting on a fake English accent. She
took the hat off and scanned the store, "Ah ha!" she exclaimed before
dashing off to the other side. "This is the one!"
Jessica laughed when she saw the hat and they
received more dirty looks from the manager. "It's perfect!" she
whispered loudly.
"I'll take it."
They proudly took their hats to the counter and paid
for the purchases.
"Shoe shopping!" Ashlee exclaimed as they
left the shop. "I desperately need a new pair of shoes."
Jessica let out an exasperated sigh, "Do
we have to?" she whined.
"Do you have a better idea?"
"I want some sexy lingerie," she told
Ashlee, a faint blush creeping across her cheeks.
Ashlee raised her eyebrows, "What has Nick done
to deserve this?"
She smiled secretively, "I want to convince him
to let me keep working in the studio
next week."
Ashlee clapped her hands together in delight,
"I didn't know you had it in you! I know just the place," she grabbed
Jessica's arm and dragged her across the street.
***
"No more can aspiring artists be assured a
profession and winning record deal at LA Record studios, N&J Lachey Entertainment." it read.
"After losing five high profile artists and now being named in a
malpractice suit …" Nick read aloud. When he finished the damaging
paragraph, he turned to the expectant Drew. "Why didn't you tell me about
this?" he asked, annoyed.
"We didn't want to worry you. Plus, there was
nothing you could do about it," Drew argued reasonably.
"Gerald Hays is a lying, sleazy, unethical-"
Nick spat bitterly.
Drew interrupted with a laugh, "Just
like you used to be."
Nick shot him a dirty look, "Funny."
Drew sighed, "It looks as though Silva organised
it."
"How is the case going?"
"Mark said we start depositions next week."
"Fight Silva every step of the way."
Drew didn't need to be told, "We're on it."
"Good. What else have I missed?"
"Not much. Everything's running smoothly."
"Has there been any reaction to this
article?"
"Some. One of Justin’s clients fired him,
but Justin says that he had been threatening it for weeks because Justin wanted
him to take a different approach on the album he was working on."
Nick laughed.
Drew looked at him carefully, "How's Jess?"
He sighed, "Good. She went shopping with Ashlee
today."
"So soon?"
Nick shrugged. They had argued about it that morning.
He paused, remembering.
"I feel fine, Nicholas," she had said
angrily when he questioned her decision.
"The doctor said-"
"The doctor said that I should live life normally."
"But he also said you should take it
easily."
"I will be. We're not going sky diving."
"But-"
"Nicholas, I'm going. Now you'd better go or
you'll be late." He had seen in her eyes that she was worried about him.
Worried that he was taking this too seriously. But he couldn't help the
feelings that were uncovered every time he thought about her illness.
He shook himself mentally and answered Drew, "She
says that she feels good."
"Lea said that she's coming back to work next
week."
Nick closed his eyes, images of his mother,
working non-stop through her chemotherapy, flashed before his eyes, "We
still haven't come to a truce on that one."
Drew smiled knowingly. When Jessica had her mind set
on something Nick didn't stand a chance, "I have no doubt that I'll see
her next week."
"Yes, you probably will," Nick sighed with
resignation.
Drew laughed again and left the office
walking upstairs and getting ready to leave Nick’s house, "She'll
stop if it gets too hard," he reminded a worried Nick.
"I hope so."
***
Jessica stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her
vision was focussed on the red scar that extended across her lower abdomen,
while she held a peach coloured silk nightgown in her hand. She traced her
finger along another older scar along her chest and hated that her body had
become so marred.
"Are you ready?" Ashlee called.
"No…not yet…hang on."
She slipped the gown over her head and looked at
herself grimly in the mirror. At least it covered the scars. She opened the
door of the changing room and posed for Ashlee.
"It looks a little…grandmotherly,"
Ashlee told her gently. She held an array of bright red and black lingerie that
Jessica had flat out refused to wear. "What are you trying to hide?"
"Nothing," Jessica replied defensively.
"Jessica…what is it?"
She sighed, "I have scars…I don't want him
to see…"
"I'm sure he doesn't care-"
"He doesn’t. But I do," Jessica
interrupted. "I don't feel sexy in those clothes, Ash."
"Just try them!"
"No!" Jessica walked back into the cubicle,
slamming the door behind her. She reached for another gown…slightly more
daring, but not much. She put it on and saw what Ashlee saw. "Ewww."
Grandmotherly was a gross understatement.
"Okay. Give me those clothes," she called
resignedly to Ashlee.
"Yes!" Ashlee cheered, passing them over the
top of the door.
Jessica looked at them fearfully; these were not
clothes she was used to wearing.
"Well?" Ashlee asked anxiously from outside
the door.
"I haven't got them on yet. I'm still getting
over the shock at what you chose!"
"They'll knock Nick's socks off," Ashlee
said with satisfaction.
"Is that before or after he dies of shock?"
"He won't die of shock."
"You don't know Nick the way I do," Jessica
muttered, clipping together the various parts "Okay…I'm ready, but
I'm not showing you."
"Jessica!" Ashlee whined.
"No way!"
"Please?"
"I can hardly bear to look at myself in
this…there is no way-"
Ashlee pulled the door open and Jessica
shrieked, trying to cover up all exposed areas.
"Ashlee! Shut the door!"
Ashlee was examining her sister critically, "It
looks good. You have a great figure…more curves than I could ever hope
for." Her eyes took in the scar that Jessica was desperate to hide but she
soon refocussed on Jessica's face, "If Nick doesn't fall at your feet
panting…he has problems."
Jessica pushed her out and closed the door. "Do
you really think so?" she asked worriedly.
"Jess! You look amazing. It would be a crime not
to buy it."
Ashlee waited while Jessica paid.
Jessica bit her lip nervously, "I can't
believe I bought it!"
“Nick's in for a huge surprise," Ashlee
whispered gleefully.
***
7 pm
Jessica entered the house quickly. Nick's car hadn't
been in the garage so she knew she had some time to prepare while he was still
out playing basketball with the guys at Drew’s house. Candles were
brought out and lit, the champagne placed on ice and with a last satisfied
glance, Jessica left to prepare herself. After a quick shower, she took the
lingerie out of the bag and took a deep breath; it looked even more daring than
it had in the store and she unenthusiastically slipped it on. Once dressed, she
covered herself with her bathrobe and walked back out to the living room. The
champagne called her invitingly and Jessica opened the bottle with the hope
that a glass of the bubbly liquid would calm her nerves. She downed the first
easily and poured herself another, settling on the sofa in wait of her husband.
After what seemed like eternity she heard familiar
footsteps stop outside the door and a key turned in the lock and she was
pressed into action.
"Baby?" Nick called as he entered.
"I'm here," she called back from the bedroom
upstairs.
"How was your day?" he asked, walking in the
direction of her voice.
"We had fun. And yours?" She could hear him
getting closer and closer and her heart beat nervously.
"It was-" his voice stopped abruptly as he
saw her. "Oh my god," he whispered. His eyes traversed her body
appreciatively and Jessica felt her cheeks grow hot. The scar was in full view,
but Nick didn't seem to notice. Ashlee had been right, she realized with
satisfaction.
"Surprised?" she asked with more composure
than she felt.
"Definitely," he responded still standing in
the doorway, unable to draw his eyes away from her.
Jessica stood and walked over to him, tilting
her head to kiss him and beginning to unbutton his shirt. He responded hungrily
and walked her over to the bed, unable to keep his hands off her. In the end,
the lingerie didn't matter all that much, as it was removed with due course and
Jessica was happy to see it go. She decided, though, as Nick turned his
attention to her neck, she'd have to bring it out every time she wanted
something. It worked like a charm.
***
Meanwhile, Lea shuffled the papers on her desk at
home, searching desperately for the missing page of her new lyrics she had
written. She gritted her teeth and swept a towering mountain of files from
other business deals off her desk. Anger rose steadily and she was almost at
breaking point when she saw the familiar dog eared page. She pounced on it
gratefully and fastened it to the other pages with a paper clip.
"Lea?" Drew asked carefully.
"What?" Lea responded through still gritted
teeth.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
Drew looked at the pile of files that had
fallen by her desk and grinned, "Do you need some help?"
"No."
"Maybe you should take a break."
"I don't have time for a break, Drew. These
lyrics need to be ready for tomorrow and I have a million things to do."
"You've been working on them for weeks. I'm sure
you're ready."
"You think so? I have spent the past two weeks
being supportive to Nick and Jessica, helping you organize this office, deal
with the malpractice suit against us and convince Jeff that you and Justin
don't hate him. Every time I sit down to work on this someone else comes to me
with a problem. I can't take it any more!"
Drew's eyebrows rose steadily as Lea's
hysteria bubbled closer to the surface. "Whoa! Take a break, sweeties and
then I'll help you with your writing."
Lea groaned and stood to refresh her cup of coffee.
"When Jessica comes back next week, things will
get easier," Drew assured her.
"Except that Nick doesn't want her to come
back," Lea said conspiratorially.
"Really? She told me that she was definitely
starting work again next week."
"They've been fighting about it."
"They fight about everything," Drew waved it
away dismissively.
"Hmmm," Lea agreed noncommittally.
"She'll be back." Drew said confidently.
***
Nick lay with Jessica spooned against him, a satisfied
smile on his face.
"We need to talk," Jessica said drowsily as
he pulled her closer.
He kissed the bare skin on her back, "What
about?"
"Next week," she said, rolling over so that
she could face him.
"Work?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"If you think you can handle it, then it is up to
you," he announced, surprising her.
"What? When did you decide this?"
"About three days ago," he replied
sheepishly.
"What!?" she sat up suddenly and stared at
him.
He pulled her back down, confused, "What's
wrong?"
"All this…I can't believe it!"
"All what?"
"Nothing."
Understanding dawned on his face, "The lingerie,
the champagne, the candles….?"
"No," she replied, unable to meet his eyes.
"You were trying to bribe me!"
"But it wasn't necessary, right? You'd already
made up your mind. So just forget about it," she began a trail of kisses
down his body and for a minute Nick was distracted from their conversation. But
he wasn't close to forgetting about it. "You went through all that effort
just to go to work again?" he asked, trying with all his might to remain
focussed.
"I wouldn't call this effort," she replied
smugly, giving up on trying to distract him. "You were putty in my
hands."
"That's not the point. It really means that much
to you?"
"Yes."
"Why didn’t you say?"
"I tried. You wouldn't listen," she told
him, annoyed.
"It’s just…" Nick trailed off.
"What?" she asked with concern, knowing that
there was a deep-seeded reason beneath his protectiveness.
Nick squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the
memories that had come flooding back over the past two weeks. "My
mother…she tried to do everything normally…but she
couldn't…it was too much in the end."
Jessica wrapped her arms around him and rocked him
gently, "Oh baby." She was amazed at this revelation from Nick.
"What happened to your mother…that isn't going to happen to
me…"
He allowed himself to be held more tightly. "I
don't want to lose you," he whispered.
Jessica barely heard his words and felt her eyes
tearing up, "You're not going to lose me."
He sat up and turned her chin towards him with his
hand, "Promise?"
Jessica smiled softly and crawled into his lap so that
she was straddling him, "Promise," she agreed, kissing him tenderly.
"Can you tell me about her?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his
neck and resting her head on his shoulder.
"My mom?" he asked fearfully.
"Yeah."
"She was amazing…" he trailed off and
Jessica saw tears pool in his eyes.
"What was she like?"
"She was so…giving. Caring. I never once
heard her say a bad word about anyone. And she worked so hard for me…when
she was little she asked what I wanted to be when I was grown up and I said a
doctor that sings. After that she saved everything so that I could go to
college.” He smiled down at her. "She would have liked
you…"
"Really?"
"Yeah…she was also a stubborn
woman…" he grinned as Jessica slapped him. "I remember her and
my dad fighting when she got sick. I don't know if she did what you just did to
convince him to let her work, but somehow she did."
Jessica laughed; history does repeat itself!
"She always told me that the woman I married
would have to be strong…to put up with me…"
Jessica rolled her eyes, "She was right about
that!"
"I could never go through that again," he
whispered.
"You won't have to, baby. You won't get rid of me
that easily!" she replied, eyes twinkling.
He breathed a martyred sigh, "Don't I know
it."
***
Nick buttoned his shirt, it was already 9:30
but he didn't care. What was the good of being the boss if you couldn't be late
once in a while? Jessica was sitting up in bed, enjoying watching him dress.
Their eyes met and both smiled, "What are you doing today?" he asked.
"There's a book that I want to read," she
responded.
Both were making an effort to please each other,
"No shopping?".
"I'm all shopped out," she told him
truthfully.
"What else did you buy yesterday?"
"I'll show you." Jessica crawled out of bed
and disappeared out of the room while Nick waited curiously. She re-entered
with her new hat on her head, "What do you think?" she asked coyly.
"Wow. It looks great."
She grinned, "You should see Ashlee's."
As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Nick went downstairs
and strode over to answer it while Jessica admired her hat in the mirror. She
heard Nick's loud laugh clearly and poked her head out to see who it was.
Ashlee glided into the house also wearing her new hat proudly.
"Jess?" she called.
"Hang on," Jessica pulled her bathrobe on
and walked downstairs to meet Ashlee. Nick was still laughing and she glared at
him, "It looks great!" she told Ashlee.
"You should have seen people's faces on the
street! One guy asked me for two pounds of peaches. And another wanted to know
whether I liked to eat fruit, or if it was more fun wearing it," Ashlee
giggled.
"Nicholas likes it," Jessica nudged him
sharply in the ribs, "Don't you, baby?"
"I love it," he choked out.
"Why are you here?" Jessica asked curiously.
"It wasn't just to show me the hat I hope?"
"No. I've taken the day off." She pulled out
two DVDs from her bag, "Meet the parents."
Nick laughed again and turned to Jessica
lovingly, "Remember when I met your parents?"
"How could I forget?" Jessica groaned. The
day had been a very interesting one.
"Okay so that movie is out," Ashlee sighed.
"Fried Green Tomatoes?"
Jessica smiled, "Of course!"
"I think that's my cue to leave," Nick
announced. He kissed Jessica goodbye and gave Ashlee a peck on the cheek.
As he walked out the door, he heard Ashlee's sly
comment, "So I take it the lingerie was a success?"
Their laughter rang in his ears and with a red face he
left to meet Drew at his house.
End part 5.
Title: Losing Streak Part 6
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note:
Oh my gahh… Thank you ALL for this AMAZING response of feedback I
have received. It is absolutely amazing, and I am so overwhelmed and happy you
all are enjoying this story! I am having a lot of fun writing it and I promise
I have a TON more coming your way for PLEASE keep up with the feedback! You can
reply to the posts or e-mail me at [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-5
Disclaimer: Not my characters, I’m just writing
about them!
“Losing Streak” Part 6
Nick entered the studio with Drew, still
smiling to himself about Ashlee's hat.
"Hey Nick," Lea greeted,
handing over his messages.
He looked around the empty studio,
"Where is everybody?"
"Justin and Jeff are in the studio
down the hall, and Joe’s in jail.”
"What?" Nick asked
absentmindedly.
She sighed, "Nobody appreciates my
humour. It was a joke. He's meeting a client."
"Oh. How's everything with that new
girl going?" he asked.
"Good. We did opening lyrics for a
few songs yesterday and we’re going to finish up putting more of her
writings into songs today."
"Let me know how it goes when you
done?"
"Sure."
Nick began to walk to his office.
"How's Jessica?" Lea called.
He turned, eyes twinkling as he recalled
their night, "Great."
"When will she come back to
work?"
"She goes in for chemo on Thursday
and wants to be back at work by Monday."
"Say hi for me."
"I will."
He dropped his phone on the desk and
relaxed back into his chair, thinking about the weekend ahead, wondering how
Jessica would handle the trauma of chemotherapy. He had vivid memories of his
mother throwing up sometimes for hours on end while simultaneously trying to
reassure him that she was fine.
*"I'll be fine by myself Nicky, go
to school. You have a test next week and I doubt you've studied for it,"
she lectured with a pale face, while holding a bowl in a quivering hand.
"But-" he protested.
"No buts. Go!"
He had gone. And come home to flashing
lights and sirens and his father's grim face. After that he didn't dare leave
her no matter how much she ranted about tests and grades. He had been terrified
that if he left her side he wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye. In the end it
hadn't mattered, the hardest thing he had ever had to go through in his life and
he placed the blame fully in the doctor's shoulders.*
But his mother's illness was nothing
like Jessica's. Hers had been sudden and already in a late stage by the time
she had been diagnosed. Medical science had also been much more primitive back
then. So there was much more hope than there had ever been for his mother. And
as much as he hated doctors in general, he had to believe that they were
genuinely optimistic about Jessica, more for his own sanity than anything else.
Though doctors these days never said anything as concrete as being
"optimistic" they were too afraid of being sued, Nick thought
ruefully. It was usually "from the symptoms presented to us and barring
anything unforseen, there looks to be a reasonable chance of recovery".
But there was always the niggling thought in the back of his mind asking
"what if?" As with all the other times the question arose, he pushed
it back to the distant regions of his consciousness. The same place he stored
all the memories of his mother. He couldn't afford to face those memories and
answer those painful questions. Jessica needed him to be strong for her and
that was what he would be.
He opened his calendar and looked at the
months ahead, treatment dates were circled in red and concert and studio dates
in blue. His decreased studio work load meant there were also many blank spots
and ideas began to flow in about what he could do with Jessica during those
times. They could go away for weekends, visit friends and relatives or just
relax at home with a good movie. At least if he wasn't working she might not
have such an urge to. The weekend ahead was a perfect time to spend alone with
her, just the two of them. He pencilled the ideas on to the pages and smiled
happily. They had hardly spent any time together in the past few months and
this was the perfect time to repair any holes that had developed in their
relationship. Not that he could think of any, but knowing Jessica, he was sure
that he had done something wrong in her eyes.
Two hours later, still pondering
thoughtfully and having done no work, he heard Lea and her client walk through
the door. Almost immediately his door opened and Lea popped her head in,
"You wanted to see me?"
"Yeah."
She sat down, "How's Jessica?"
"Good."
"Chemo on Thursday?"
"Yeah."
"You're worried," she noticed.
He smiled to himself, she knew him too
well, "Not really."
"Don't lie to me Nick, you're
worried."
He sighed, "Yes, I'm worried."
"Why?"
He lowered his eyes, "You know
why…"
"She's going to be fine, Nick. She
thinks so, the doctors think so…you're the only one who doesn't believe
it."
"Its just that-" he broke off.
"What?"
"I have a history of losing people
I love…"
Lea sighed, "Why don't you go home and
spend some more time with her?"
He made a face, "She made me come
to work. I think the word she used was overbearing. And anyway, Ashlee's there
to keep her company," he pressed his temples to relieve the stress that
had been building all morning. "But this isn't what I wanted to talk to
you about."
Lea let the issue drop, "The new
girl?"
He nodded, "How's it going?"
"Good. We put up a lot of great
lyrics and got a big chunk of what we wanted to done today."
"That’s always good,"
Nick commented.
"Yep..."
"Great. And everything else?"
"You mean the studio?"
At his nod she grinned, "It's fine
Nick, you don’t have to worry. Joe and the lawyers are in court over the
Silva case, Justin's been taking all the smaller matters…we're dealing
with it. In fact we've realized that we don't need you at all!"
He gave her a dirty look, "Thanks a
lot."
"But it is nice to have you
back." She grinned again, "Do you want me to find you some lyrics to
work on?"
His dirty look became a glare, but he
was amused, "No. I think I have some here that I can dust off."
"Well, if you're bored, I always
need some help with filing and organizing our client’s information. Is
that all?"
"Yes."
"I'd better eat, we're due back in
half an hour to record some."
"Okay."
She headed out the door.
"And Lea?"
She faced him, knowing what was coming.
"Thanks…for everything."
She accepted it wordlessly and went out
to collect her client.
Nick looked around his office again, sure
that he could find something to do, they had been using this studio not far
from his home since Jessica became ill because a lot of commotion in the house
wasn’t good for her, but they did go there sometimes.
***
"Joe!"
Joe recognized the voice and he and Drew
shared an annoyed glance before facing the owner.
"What can we do for you
Tommy?"
"Is it really necessary for you to
be so nasty?" Silva asked with a smirk.
"Yes," Drew snarled.
"I'm guessing this is a case you
want to settle?"
Joe and Drew just glared at him.
"I'll take that as a yes. Mrs.
Keireth is willing to settle. She wants 3 million."
The two remained silent.
Tommy shrugged, "Think about it. If
it was up to me I'd be glad to take this all the way. I think the judge today
set it out in black and white…you have NO case."
Joe and Drew began to walk to the elevator
but were frozen by Tommy's next comment, "Oh by the way," he added in
a saccharine voice. "Give Jessica my heartfelt condolences. It must have
been a real shock to everyone when she was diagnosed." He waited for a
response but was disappointed. Drew's mouth was set in a thin line and Joe
looked like he wanted to hit someone. Tommy smirked and breezed away.
"How did he know?" Joe asked
grimly.
"Lots of people know," Drew
rationalised. "Anyone could have told him, and she is a celebrity."
"Nick said only our family, his,
and you guys know."
"Ashlee might have told
someone...you know how gossip spreads in this place."
"No doubt Tommy will bring it up in
trial."
"We'll have to base our strategy
around it," Drew replied thoughtfully, his mind cruising at a million
miles an hour.
"We need a meeting with the whole
studio, Jessica included."
"Maybe next week."
They were met with almost complete
silence when they walked into the studio.
Drew and Joe gestured to the conference
room, "We need to talk."
"What's up?" Nick asked,
taking his usual seat in the conference room.
"Silva says he'll kick this for 3
million," Joe told him.
"And he knows about Jessica,"
Drew added more seriously.
"What?! How?"
"We don't know. Who have you
told?"
"Our families, Cacee and all of
you…" he trailed off. "Our families wouldn't have said
anything…they wouldn't know who to tell anyway, and Cacee said she'd keep
quiet…and I trust her…"
Justin began to get a little red in the
face and the other three quickly noticed it.
"Justin!"
"You?"
"You didn't!"
They yelled simultaneously.
Justin's face became even redder,
"He asked where you were," he addressed Nick, "And I let it slip
that you were at the hospital. I didn't mean it…it just came out."
"How could you…?" Drew
was lost for words.
"Look, he would have found out
anyhow, I just sped it up. I didn't mean it and I'm sorry."
"We should have a meeting on this,
Nick," Drew announced. "With Jessica."
"She'll be back next week. Lets
organize one for Monday."
"Great. We need to discuss our
options."
"Fine."
“Is that all?” They nodded.
“Great, I am heading home.”
"Give Jessica our love,"
Justin added.
"I will, thanks."
***
Two days later…
Jessica lay back on the hospital bed and
watched, unable to draw her eyes away, as a nurse efficiently placed a catheter
into her arm. Once in it felt uncomfortable, but surprisingly it didn't hurt.
Nick watched anxiously from the doorway and Jessica smiled reassuringly,
"Don't fidget, baby. You're making me nervous."
"Sorry," he apologized,
continuing to fidget.
"Look, do you want the nurse to put
one in you too so you can see that it doesn't hut?"
He grimaced, "No thanks."
She smiled, "Then go get yourself a
cup of coffee and relax!"
He stood where he was but relaxed
visibly. He had promised himself that he wouldn't leave her side and he wasn't
going to break the promise this early in the treatment.
For hours the chemicals dripped into her
veins, they felt cold but she was surprised at how uneventful the whole
procedure was. She read a book while Nick tried to focus on writing, but it was
obvious he wasn't concentrating.
Finally, with a bang, he slammed his
notebook down and looked at Jessica, "I've been meaning to ask you
something."
Jessica who was already startled by the
sudden noise looked distinctly worried, "What?"
"We should go away this
weekend."
She sighed with relief,
"Oh…where?"
"Anywhere…even if we just
book ourselves into a hotel for a couple of nights."
Jessica shrugged noncommittally,
"Okay."
"You don't sound very
enthusiastic."
"Its fine, baby. But I just
don’t know how I'll be feeling. It might ruin the weekend if I have to
throw up every two minutes. Why don't we wait until next weekend?"
He tried to hide his disappointment,
"I just thought we could get away from all this."
"And I think it’s a great
idea, but not this weekend," she argued.
"Fine. I'm going for coffee, do you
need anything?"
She sighed with frustration, "No,
I'm fine."
He disappeared and she waited, slightly
puzzled by his insistence. There was sure to be a reason behind this and she
knew he'd come back with new arguments prepared to get what he wanted. She spent
the rest of the time preparing her own. He reappeared with a mug of steaming
coffee.
"The nurses are really nice
here," he said conversationally, determined to drop the argument. She had
made her point and he wasn't going to worry her with more fighting.
Jessica burst out laughing.
He frowned, "What?"
"I was already to fight you and
that's all you can say?"
"I don't want to argue," he
insisted.
She narrowed her eyes, sensing a hidden
strategy, "Well that would be a first. Is this some tactic to catch me
unawares? Because it isn't working."
"No, I'm not going to fight you
baby. We'll go away next weekend."
She looked at her book and back to Nick
who was staring at her earnestly, unable to believe that she didn't believe
him. Was he really so argumentative?
"Baby…" she began.
"Baby…just read your
book."
Her eyes narrowed again, "You
always say that when you're hiding something."
He threw his hands up in frustration,
"I'm not hiding anything!"
"Now I know you are. What's going
on?"
He sipped his coffee, "Nothing."
"Its your mother isn't it? You
always close up when it's about your mother."
"Baby…" he said
painfully.
"Tell me," she urged. He
looked at her uncertainly. "Tell me," she repeated more softly.
"I know…I want…this is
going to…" he groaned.
"Was there a thought in there
somewhere?" she teased gently.
"I don't want to have to watch you
go through…"
Jessica waited and then finally finished
his sentence, "…what your mother went through?" she asked.
"Yes…no…I thought if we
went away we could forget about it. It would mean that you wouldn't have to
pretend that you're okay…you could just take it easy."
"If I feel like crap I'm not going
to hide it baby," she joked. "In fact you'll be the first person I'll
complain to." She patted the space on the bed next to her and he climbed
in next to her being careful not to move any of the tubes.
"I want you to complain," he
replied. "I don't want you hiding it…and pretending…"
"You'll regret asking me to
complain," she laughed. He nuzzled her neck and she smiled, "Not here,
baby."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because it might cause one of
these tubes to fall out and I don't want to have to explain to the nurse how it
happened."
He pretended to be disappointed and
kissed her nose, "I'll try to restrain myself."
She rested her head against his shoulder
and sleepily murmured, "Everything will turn out okay."
He gently wiped a wisp of hair across
her forehead and replied, "I hope so."
***
Next day…
After dropping Jessica off at home and
making sure she was comfortable (and with a bucket handy). He walked into the
studio deep in thought and was almost about to sit down when he suddenly
noticed someone on the couch.
"I'm sorry," the person
apologized. "Lea said I could sit in here."
Nick waved his hand dismissively,
"That's fine. I'll go."
"I don't think we've
met….Lindsay West," she held out her hand. "Call me
Linds."
Nick shook it, "Nick Lachey." He
looked around, "Where is Lea?"
"She had a phone call."
There was an uncomfortable silence and
Nick shifted from foot to foot. "Well I'll give you some privacy."
Lindsay didn't answer.
"Linds? Are you okay?" Nick
asked
"Yes."
"I'll be right outside."
Again there was no answer and Nick
walked towards the door, but felt bad for the young girl.
"I'm sorry about your mother,"
he offered sympathetically.
"Are you married, Mr. Lachey?"
Lindsay asked intently.
Nick paused, "Yes."
"Do you love her?"
"More than anything."
"Then don't ever let go of
her."
Nick waited silently; his misgivings about
leaving Jessica for the afternoon were haunting him.
"Because they can be taken from you
without any warning…and it will ruin your life."
Nick swallowed, "My wife has
cancer."
Lindsay looked up, tears in her eyes,
"I'm sorry."
Nick looked away, "Me too."
"How serious…?"
"Serious but the doctors are optimistic."
"Don't talk to me about
doctors," Lindsay spat bitterly.
Nick knew the feeling well, "Lea says
the recording is going well."
"I wouldn't know."
"Well…it looks hopeful."
Lea popped in just then. “Linds,
I’m sorry to keep you waiting, come on we can go on in now, Drew is
waiting for us.”
"No problem," she replied
standing tiredly. "Good luck with you wife," she offered Nick
feelingly.
"Thanks," Nick replied. He
watched him leave; a teen tired of life. Nick made a mental note to talk to Lea
about it and tried to focus on the piece he’d been working on before. But
the teen’s words rang in his ears, "don't ever let her go"
drummed over and over again until he wanted to cover his ears in an effort to
get rid of it. "Don't ever let her go."
***
6pm…
"I'm going home," he told Lea.
She smiled, "Okay. Have a good weekend, Nick, you
know you’ll be hearing from Drew and I."
"Don't stay too late," he told her.
"Don't worry, I'm charging you overtime."
"Which is why I don't want you to stay too late.
You're sending us bankrupt."
She made a face, "You think I enjoy working late?
I do have a life you know."
Nick smiled, "I'm glad you have a life.
You should enjoy it while you can," his tone became serious and Lea
shifted a little uncomfortably; it was usually Drew’s role to placate
Nick or Jessica’s, not hers. Nick noticed and cleared his throat,
"See you Monday or whenever you drop by our house."
"Okay."
After stopping for various un-nauseating foods, Nick
arrived back home to find what he had dreaded all along. An ambulance was
parked haphazardly in front of their driveway with lights flashing. Paramedics
emerged with someone on a gurney and Nick watched, unable to move as they
loaded the person into the ambulance. At that moment his cell phone rang and he
immediately heard Ashlee's half panicked voice on the other end, "Nick!
You have to go to the hospital!"
End of part 6.
Title: Losing Streak Part 7
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Okay, here it is! Thank you
EVERYONE on the JSMB! You’re all THE BEST! And I love you all for all
this AMAZING feedback you’ve given me! I’m going right onto part 8
right now! Thank you again to EVERYONE who has sent me or posted feedback! Here
ya go you can send me more to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-6
Disclaimer: Not my characters, only the ones I make up
are!
“Losing Streak” Part 7
Nick rushed forward as if propelled by Ashlee's
urgency. He met the paramedics as they were about to get into the cab of the
ambulance and yelled frantically, "What happened? I'm her husband! What
happened?"
The paramedic stopped and put a calming hand on his
arm, "It's okay, Sir," she assured him. "You can come with
us." She opened the back of the ambulance and Nick climbed inside, feeling
sick at the sight of an unconscious Jessica. Ashlee was also in the back and
she moaned when she saw Nick, "I came by to check on her and she was on
the bathroom floor."
"Why? How?" he asked, feeling numb, taking a
seat beside Ashlee as the ambulance began to move.
"I don't know. I don't know!" Ashlee cried.
He took Jessica's hand and gripped it tightly. Another
paramedic had placed a mask on her face and was checking vitals brusquely, with
obvious experience.
"Is she going to be okay?" Nick choked out.
"It's too early to tell. But she is in a stable
condition," he answered while injecting something into her arm.
Nick felt faint and sick and sat back, bringing
Jessica's hand to his mouth to kiss. "Hang on, baby. Hang on."
"My car is parked illegally," Ashlee joked
feebly.
Nick tried to laugh, but managed only a tight smile,
he thought back to his own car. "I think I left the keys in mine," he
commented, patting his pockets and hearing no jingle from his keys. "But
they can take the car, I don't care. I just want my baby to be
okay…please God," he finished in a whisper.
They arrived at the hospital and were soon racing to a
room, where Nick and Ashlee were pushed gently but firmly outside and directed
to wait.
They waited. Finally, after seeing her being wheeled
out of the room, they were stopped by a doctor. "You're with Jessica
Lachey?"
They nodded.
"Take a breath," she smiled. "She's
fine. Just a little scare that's all."
They breathed enormous sighs of relief.
"She's awake and wondering where you are. She
said she started chemo?"
Nick nodded. "Yesterday," he replied
hoarsely.
"So she probably didn't eat anything all
day…"
Nick nodded again. She hadn't eaten since before she
had gone into hospital the day before.
"Well the vomiting from the chemo placed more
stresses on her body and she was suffering from hypoglycaemia, which means low
blood sugar level. She fainted as a result of that. But she is going to be
fine. She did hit her head when she fell, but it's small. I want to do a head
CT just in case, it is routine in head injury cases and in people who have lost
consciousness for more than a couple of minutes."
"Can we see her?" Ashlee asked in a small
voice.
"Sure," the doctor led them to the room and
squeezed Nick's arm reassuringly. Jessica was sitting up in bed looking ill.
"Hey," Nick greeted. "You gave us quite
a scare."
Jessica smiled sheepishly, "Sorry."
"How are you feeling?" Ashlee asked, sitting
by her side and taking her hand.
"I'm fine Ashlee. I just feel stupid," she
grinned and Nick felt colour return to his face. "Why?" he asked in a
more normal voice.
"Because I was feeling like crap and thought
taking a bath would help. If I had stayed in bed this wouldn't have
happened," she frowned.
"You didn't know," Nick assured her.
"I still feel stupid. And now they want to keep
me here overnight and do a whole lot of tests."
"Just to make sure you're okay."
"Yeah…and I thought a head injury would
take my mind off throwing up."
"It doesn’t?" Ashlee asked.
"Nope. Now I have a pounding headache AND I want
to throw up."
Nick gave a short laugh, "At least you're
awake."
***
"How is she?" Lea asked Drew worriedly.
"She's fine. Nick said that she just collapsed as
a result of the chemotherapy. They're keeping her overnight."
Lea chewed on her pen nervously, "I should call
Nick."
"He sounded okay, Lea."
“I should still check though.”
"You don't know Nick the way I do," he
snapped in reply.
"Hey! Don't take your frustration out on
me."
"Well point me to another wife that I can
blame."
Lea opened her mouth to say something but couldn't
find the words. Drew's argument had made no sense. "What's wrong with
you?" she finally asked.
"Nothing."
"Isn't your work going well?"
"Its fine. Get your mind off gossip and do your
job for a change."
"I was trying to be nice, but that's impossible
in this studio. Nice people get eaten here!" She grabbed her coat and
stomped out of the office while Drew watched open-mouthed. Justin had been in
the conference room with Jeff and had heard every word of the exchange, he came
out with a grin. "Nice one Drew."
"Don't start with me, Jeff."
"I don't want to start with you, but you seem
determined to fight with everybody else. What's up?"
"Nothing."
"Don't give me that. There's more to this than
worrying about Nick. Spill it."
Drew sighed, "My new client."
"What happened?"
"I don't think we can make something out of the
music we’ve got. It is all so circumstantial."
"What happened today?"
"Nothing, we got nothing done. We didn’t
know what to start with because we have nothing. It’s going to be a long
weekend, that's for sure," he muttered.
Jeff agreed, "Long weekend for everybody."
He patted his arm and went back into the conference room. "Where were
we?" he asked Justin, who was reading a file.
"Jessica's new client…what do we do?"
"We stall until she recovers-"
"But Jeff," Justin interrupted.
"Recovery may take years. And as much as we all don't want to face
it…what if she doesn't?"
"I was going to say, wait until she recovers from
this week's chemo. Her next appointment isn't for another month, so we squeeze
it in when we know she's feeling good. As for her total recovery…we cross
that bridge when we come to it."
"Silva wants to start Nick and Jessica's depos
straight away."
"I know. I don't even want him to talk to Nick
until Jessica starts feeling better. He's not himself."
"Nobody is."
"No…you got that right!"
"How's Lea?"
"Worried about her client. Worried about Nick,
Jess. Worried about the studio."
"Worried," Justin smiled.
"Very worried."
Justin shut the file he was reading and stood up,
"I'm going to see Jessica and then I'm going to bed. It's been a long
week!"
"You're going to the hospital?" Jeff asked
with surprise.
"I want to see how she is."
"I'll come with you."
"Okay."
They left the room and headed out the door.
"Where are you going?" Cacee asked from
where she was standing, she had just walked in.
"To the hospital. Want to come?"
"Sure. I haven't seen Jessica in a while."
She grabbed her purse. Drew worked as though he hadn't noticed them.
"Are you coming Drew? Justin asked.
"I have work to do," he snapped.
"Drew, come with us!" Jeff called from the
doorway. "Don't you want to see Jessica?"
"Yes, but I have work to do."
Jeff shrugged, "Fine. Have fun." The others
followed him out and shut the door on Drew's bad mood. They were waiting by the
elevator when they heard the office door open and Drew's footsteps echoing down
the corridor. They held the elevator for him and grinned at each other.
Drew noticed and tried to stop his own smile from forming, "Stop looking
so damn pleased with yourselves," he admonished. They laughed, releasing
some of the tension that had been building up over the last few days and
arrived, still smiling, at Jessica's room.
Ashlee, Tina (who had arrived shortly after Jessica
woke up) and Jessica were talking earnestly about something so Nick and Joe
were the first to notice them standing in the doorway.
"Hey!" they called. "What are you doing
here?"
"We can't stop by and see a friend?" Justin
asked.
"Don’t you have work to do?" Nick
countered.
"They've decided to change careers," a voice
announced from behind the group. Lea's voice was unmistakable. They were all
pleased that she had turned up.
"Don't think I haven't considered it," Drew
joked.
Lea grinned and went over to Jessica who had been
laughing through the exchange. It was great to be with her friends again.
"How are you feeling?" Lea asked.
"Great," Jessica lied.
"You don't look it. I should have brought my
makeup kit…you look awful."
"Thanks Lea, just what I needed to hear,"
Jessica replied dryly, running her hands through her hair.
"But don't worry. You've already succeeded in
getting a husband and a hot one if I say so myself, so it won't matter if you
look bad."
Jessica laughed again, "I'll keep that in
mind."
"What's happening with Silva?" Nick asked.
Nick groaned, "Nicholas! Do we have to talk about
work?"
He glared at her, glad that their relationship was
back to normal, "I want to know."
"It's the weekend."
"I want to know!" he turned to Drew who
shrugged, "We wanted to talk to you about it anyway."
"Well?"
"Silva wants to begin depositions. Yours and
Jessica's."
"So?" Jessica asked, annoyed.
"(a) We don't want you looking like you do at the
moment, no offence, and (b) we want you to be the strongest mentally and
emotionally, which you won’t be while you're sick."
"No offence taken, but I can handle Silva,"
Jessica argued.
"Maybe in a couple of weeks, but not now,"
Drew insisted.
"He's right, Jessica. Silva is good and he'll
find your weakness. You'll need to be strong," Jeff added.
"Complimenting me again?" someone asked from
the door.
They turned with horror to see Tommy Silva standing
there grinning. "You really should stop saying such good things about
me…someone might hear you."
"Get lost, Silva," Joe snarled, remembering
their last meeting.
"This is a public hospital and I'm visiting a
sick friend. How are you feeling, Jessica?"
"Go away Tommy," Jessica replied.
"I'm sorry about the cancer…what's the
prognosis?"
"That's enough," Drew warned, pushing him
out of the room.
"You people really should learn to be more civil.
I was just expressing my concern for a friend," he smirked and turned on
his heel, his job was done.
"We need to get him," Jessica seethed.
"We will," Jeff replied. "We
will."
***
Nick looked around him. Everybody was
dressed in black and crying loudly. He was confused, he was at the hospital,
had somebody died and these people were the friends and family? He tried
pushing through the crowd, but people without recognisable faces relentlessly
pushed back and continued to cry; some hugging him tightly and whispering
"I'm sorry". Sorry about what? He tried to ask, but he couldn't talk.
Why were they sorry? Finally they let him through and Nick suddenly realized he
wasn't at the hospital at all. He was at a church. It was the old church where
his mother was buried. The faceless people became his friends and he was
turning to see who was there when he saw it. It was a coffin. An oak coffin
adorned with purple irises. There was a woman weeping next to it and it was
only when she turned to beckon him that he recognized her. Ashlee.
"Nick," she wailed. "What are we going to do?"
Nick woke up. His heart was galloping,
his breath came in short bursts and he was covered in sweat. He sat up, his
back complaining after being squished into the chair for hours. His eyes sought
Jessica's face in the semi darkness and his breaths came easier when he saw her
sleeping peacefully. Her chest was moving rhythmically, up and down. All was
well. But he wouldn't be going to sleep again. He wouldn't relax until she was
awake and smiling at him.
He gave her a long look before going out
to get some coffee and saw a familiar shape walking slowly down the hall,
visibly uncomfortable in the sterile surroundings.
"Dad!" Nick called, looking at
his watch. 10 pm. "What are you doing here?"
John saw his son and brightened, "I got
your message and was worried. But you were both asleep when I arrived," he
gave Nick a quick hug.
"I told you not to come! She's
fine." He hoped with all his heart and soul that his last words were true.
The dream had scared him more than anything in the world.
"How are you?" John asked
slowly.
Nick blinked, were they about to have a
real conversation? "I'm…fine," he replied with as much
reservation.
"What happened?"
This was a safer topic, "She hasn't
eaten in 2 days and collapsed. It isn't serious."
"And she's still asleep?"
"I hope so. She needs it."
"The chemo…?" John
swallowed, hating to bring up the subject.
Nick looked at his hands, "I don't
think she expected it to be so bad."
"But you did."
"Of course I did, Dad," he
replied, allowing the bitterness to seep into his tone.
John stared at a spot on the wall,
"Well I'm glad she's okay."
Nick bit back his frustration and anger.
That was as close as they had ever come to talking about his mother and as much
as he needed to get it out in the open, it wasn't the time or the place. He
just wondered if there would ever be a right time and place.
"They just want to watch her
overnight….to make sure."
"That's sensible," John replied,
retreating back into the safety of superficial talk.
"Look dad, why don't you go home?
It's late and you look tired. I can call you a cab."
John nodded, "Look after her."
"I will."
They hugged again, and it was just as
devoid of outward emotion as their greeting hug. Nothing had changed. Nick
watched him walk back down the hall, unable to see the tears that welled in his
father's eyes.
***
Jessica and Nick walked into their
mansion the next day, shocked at the mess. "I was going to clean up before
you got home," Jessica told him woozily.
"Don't worry about it. I'll do
it."
She wrinkled her nose, "I hate
leaving you with it."
He forced a smile, "You are more
important than an untidy apartment, so go to bed."
She kissed him on the cheek happily,
"Thanks. I feel awful."
"Do you want anything?" he
called.
"No. I'm not going to throw up so I
don't need anything," she replied with determination.
"I'll get you a bowl," he
replied, heading for the kitchen.
"I won't need it."
"Maybe not. But if you do, I'm not
cleaning it up off the floor."
Jessica grinned, "Fine."
She crawled into bed, hoping that her
churning stomach and pounding headache would give her some relief once she was
horizontal. She ran her fingers through her hair, which desperately needed to
be washed and was shocked to find a clump in her hand when she pulled it away.
She was still staring at it when Nick walked in with the bowl.
"My hair is already falling
out," she moaned.
He tried to suppress a laugh at her
horrified expression, "I'm sorry."
She glared at him, "You don't sound
it."
"Oh baby. I don't care about your
hair. I would rather you lost your hair than lose you."
"That's because it's not your hair
that's falling out," she countered, trying to picture Nick bald and
failing.
"I will love you no matter what you
look like," he assured her
"Even if I'm bald?"
"Even if you're bald."
He kissed soundly on the lips to prove
his point and pushed her gently onto the pillows, "Now get some
rest."
***
Jessica walked into the studio feeling
wonderful. She had only been absent two weeks but it felt much longer. Nick
walked in behind her and saw her glowing face.
"Good to be back?" he asked,
wrapping his arms around her.
She leaned her head back on his chest
and nodded, "I didn’t realise how much I missed this place."
"The words of a true
workaholic," he teased.
"Like you can talk."
Justin walked in, looking harassed.
"Hey Jessica! Great to have you back! Do you want a new client?"
"You'll have to ask my boss if I'm
allowed one," she replied, eyes sparkling.
"For that crack I should send you
home," Nick replied. "Give her a really horrible aspiring artist,
Justin."
"No Britney wannabes," Jessica
warned.
Justin looked at his desk and carefully
selected a file from the middle of the pile, "Here's a good one.
She’s supposed to be coming in sometime this week, she wrote her own
lyrics so that is a head start for you."
“Thanks.” And she walked
into one of the offices to read more about this woman.
***
2 days later…
In the conference room that afternoon,
Jessica massaged Lea's shoulders sympathetically, "Are you okay?" she
asked.
Lea shrugged, "I wanted to help
her. She needed to make it." (Lindsay had not been able to record any
music, they’d found out earlier that week that the label wouldn’t
give her the money because it wasn’t music they felt was strong enough to
do well in the music industry right now.)
Jessica sighed, and sat down next to
her, "I am quickly realizing that life isn't very logical."
Lea looked at her, "How are you
feeling?"
"Depressed. More of my hair fell
out this morning," she wrinkled her nose. "I was hoping that it
wouldn't happen."
Lea laughed, "You'll look just as
beautiful without it."
"That's what Nick says, but I think
he's in for a shock."
"He'd still love you if your skin
turned blue and you grew another head."
"Which is why I'm worried. Just
because he says I'm beautiful doesn't necessarily mean that I am. I want to be
beautiful."
"You are and you will be. How is he
holding up?"
"Nicholas? He's…overbearing,
overprotective, insulting and frustrating. The usual. Apparently I can't even
be trusted to pour my own coffee anymore."
Lea grinned, "That sounds like
him."
"But he's improved since I came
back to work."
"I've noticed-"
They were interrupted by the door
opening. Drew poked his head in, "Lea?"
"Yeah?"
"There's a call you'd better
take."
Lea shot Jessica a startled look,
"Who is it?"
"The police," Drew replied.
Lea picked up the phone, "Lea
Lachey………oh my god…when?…do you need me
there?…okay…okay…thanks." She hung up the phone and
turned to Jessica with tears in her eyes. "Lindsay West just killed
herself."
End of Part 7.
Title: Losing Streak Part 8
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Hey well here is the next part!
Thank you all for the feedback and I’m glad you’re still enjoying
this story! I am having a blast writing for y’all because you’re
all responding so well to it! Thank you all so much! You can send me more
feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-7
Disclaimer: Same as 1-7
“Losing Streak” Part 8
Lea pulled up at the cemetery, where she was greeted
with flashing lights and yellow police tape. She walked slowly to the police
officer that was keeping the curious spectators away, "I'm a friend of
Lindsay West."
He eyed her critically and turned to a man in plain
clothes, "Joe!"
Joe looked over and recognized Lea. "He was your
client, I knew he was with the studio but I thought Nick or Drew was taking
care of her." he asked.
"Yeah. We dropped her earlier this week."
She answered robotically, almost unfeelingly.
Joe had heard so many sad stories in his life, he just
listened, "I'm sorry."
"What happened?" Lea asked, not really
wanting to know.
"She was seen crying at her mother's grave and
three eyewitnesses saw her take out a gun and shoot herself." He pointed
to three upset women who were being comforted by a police officer. "They
said that she appeared calm. There won't be an investigation."
Lea rubbed her face in despair, "I knew she was
depressed. Her mom died and then she lost the deal. I should have done
something!"
Joe patted her arm before saying gently,
"There wasn’t much you could do. she knew what she was doing."
"Is she still there?" Lea whispered,
pointing at the grave.
"No. The ambulance is taking her to the morgue.
We're just cleaning up."
She suddenly had a thought, "Have you called her
siblings?"
"Yeah. They haven't arrived yet…"
Lea remained silent, thinking that she should leave.
They were interrupted as a car screeched up beside
them and a panicked woman emerged wailing, "Where is she? Where is
she!?"
Joe hurriedly approached her, "Ms. West?"
"Yes. Where's my sister?" she was trembling
and her eyes were wide with fear.
Joe took her arm and led her to a bench, "I'm so
sorry…she took her life here this afternoon."
"No!" she sobbed. "She wouldn't do
that! It was that stupid label…" she buried her face in Joe's
shoulder while Joe comforted her sympathetically.
"Can I see her?" she finally asked.
"She's at the morgue, I can have one of the
officers drive you."
She nodded, "I want to see her."
Joe looked around, "Tim!" he called.
A young officer appeared and gently took her arm,
leading her to a police car. As she allowed herself to be led away she saw Lea
and came to a sudden halt, "You!" she shrieked. "This is all
your fault! If he hadn't thought she had a chance she never would have killed
herself. You gave her false hopes… it's all your fault!" she sobbed.
Lea stood stock still, shaken to the core. Joe glanced
at her sympathetically, "Don't listen to her, she needs to blame
someone."
Lea nodded dumbly, hearing his words but not believing
them. It had been her fault…all her fault. She had agreed that they would
make it easily, had convinced her that they had a great album in the making.
She should have just left her to grieve her loss and move on to make a deal
with a different label. Instead, she had watched her depression progressively
worsen over the course of working with her. She remembered lightly mentioning a
therapist to her, and being denied vehemently. Why didn't she put her foot down
and insist she see someone? It was her fault.
After giving the cemetery one last long look, she
climbed numbly into her car and drove away automatically. She pulled into her
garage with no memory of the journey home. No idea whether traffic lights had
been green or red, whether she had stopped at stop signs. Her mind rang with
the daughter's words, "All your fault."
She switched on the TV and watched the images and
heard the voices without taking anything in. A knock on the door went by
unnoticed and the person opened it tentatively.
"Lea?" Nick called.
She turned slowly, with glazed eyes, "Yeah."
"Jessica just told me about Lindsay. Are you
okay?"
"Yeah," she repeated in the same toneless
voice.
Nick sat down next to her on the sofa, recognizing the
guilt in her eyes. "It wasn't your fault," he said feelingly.
Tears pricked her eyes, "I should have done
something."
Nick reached for her hand, "You can't
beat yourself up over this. We all saw that she was depressed. You suggested
therapy, but she refused. There was nothing else you could have done."
"I should have made her…" she trailed
off.
"She knew what she was doing, Lea. She had
accepted her future…nothing was going to change her mind…not you,
not her sister…nothing could have brought her mother back to
her…" Nick swallowed hard.
"But why did I have to get her hopes up? I told
her she had a future as a singer."
"I think the work just delayed the
inevitable," Nick replied softly. "The money, the work to make an album…they
may have helped for a while, but she'd soon realise that they weren't an
adequate substitute for her mom. She would have realized in time that nothing
on this earth would make up for her loss…"
"But in that time she could have gotten
better…accepted it."
"Do you really think she would have?"
Lea shook her head, guilt written all over her face,
"I don't know."
"Lea," he licked his suddenly dry lips,
"I know what she went through…that kind of pain…"
She squeezed his hand, "I know," she
whispered. "But you got over it…"
He considered, "I will never get over
it…the pain...it lessened over time, but it will never go away."
The stress of the day took its toll and Lea seemed to
collapse inside, emotionally drained. She hadn't realized until now that she
had been carrying Lindsay's pain around on her shoulders.
"I just didn't want her to die…" she
finally whispered, allowing the tears to fall. Nick wrapped his arms around her
and she cried onto his Cincinnati shirt.
Eventually she pulled back from the warmth, "You
should go home to Jessica. She needs you more than I do, Drew will be home
soon" she told Nick. Her and Nick had always shared a brother/sister
relationship even when they were kids, their relationship was something
special.
He kissed her forehead. "If you need
me…"
"I'll call. Thanks Nick."
"And take a few days off, Lea."
Lea shook head; he of all people should understand her
need to keep busy. "I want to work."
He saw the hypocrisy and agreed,
"Okay…Goodnight."
"Night."
***
Tommy Silva sat in the conference room with a smirk on
his face. Jessica sat opposite with Ellenor (one of their lawyers) supporting
her on her right. The court stenographer sat at the end of the table.
"Are we ready?" Silva asked.
They all nodded seriously.
"Can you state your name for the record?" he
began.
"Jessica Ann Lachey."
"You were apart of the leadership on the album
work for Ryan Cabrera, is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Can you name the dates you were working on that
please."
Jessica paused in thought, "It began on August 8
and continued through to the 17th."
"And when did you receive this client?"
"In June…I can't remember the exact
date."
"It was June 12," he informed her.
She shrugged, "Fine."
"On what date were you diagnosed with
cancer?"
Jessica sucked in a breath, shocked. She had been
expecting the question but not so soon, "August 1," she answered.
"What type of cancer do you have?"
"Ovarian cancer."
"What stage?"
"Two."
"What does that mean?"
Jessica replied snidely, "I don't know. I'm a
singer, not a doctor." Ellenor shot her a warning look, but Jessica chose
to ignore it.
Silva decided to move on, "And the news was a
shock?"
"No, I celebrated. Best news I'd had all
year." Jessica snapped sarcastically.
Ellenor glared at her.
"Can you answer the question please?"
She glared back at Ellenor, "Yes the news was a
shock, but the doctors were confident about the prognosis. We moved on."
"And you are married to Mr. Nicholas Lachey,
senior partner of the record
label?"
"Didn't you do your research?" her sarcastic
tone was more defiant and Ellenor began to gesture for the stenographer to
stop.
Jessica sighed and stopped Ellenor with a glance,
"Yes I am very happily married to Mr. Nicholas Lachey, senior partner of
the record label. Do you want the label's name too? It's on the door."
Silva grimaced, "No that's fine."
Jessica's eyes twinkled, "Oh that's right. You
know our label's name because we beat you the last time you sued us. The law
community is laughing at you for coming after us again, Silva. They're saying
your being vindictive and petty-"
Ellenor finally took her arm, interrupting her
mid-sentence. "Lets take a break?" She dragged Jessica out of the
conference room. "Jessica-"
Jessica interrupted, "I know. I'm sorry. He just
gets to me."
"Don't let him. We don't want him using your
anger at him against you. Just answer the questions."
She sighed, "Okay."
They walked back into the room and Jessica sat back
down, "Lets continue," she told Silva brightly, staring confidently
into his eyes until he looked away.
"We were talking about Nicholas Lachey. How did
he seem take the news?"
"He took it hard at first," she replied
honestly. "But as I said, the prognosis was good and we dealt with it. It
never adversely affected our preparation for Mr. Cabrera’s album and that
whole process."
"Mr. Lachey was lead producer on the album?"
"Yes."
"Mr. Cabrera’s album work was due to start
the next week?"
"Yes."
"Did either you or Mr. Lachey ever consider
allowing another producer or worker in the studio to take over the work?"
"Yes. But we were so close to working on it, it
didn't seem a good idea to change."
"Did you discuss it with the studio?"
"Work product," Ellenor interrupted.
"Don't answer."
Jessica grinned widely at Silva, clearly remembering
the depositions from the last case he had tried against the firm. Silva glared
at Ellenor but moved on. He'd have to take this to the judge.
"Lets go through the transcripts from the
work," he said.
Jessica sighed softly; this was going to be a long
day.
They had a break for lunch and Jessica spent the whole
hour on the sofa in Nick's office.
Nick came in with sandwiches from the local deli.
"Ask Silva to continue this tomorrow," he
suggested, giving his exhausted wife a worried look.
"No…I want to finish it. He thinks he can
beat me…I have to show him…" her voice was muffled by the
cushion she had buried her face in.
Nick sat down next to her and began to rub her back,
"You don’t have to prove anything to anybody."
"He's made this personal and I'm not going to
give up now."
"The doctors said-"
"Screw the doctors," was Jessica's reply.
Nick gave a short laugh, "I would normally agree
with you, but I don't want you in hospital again."
She rolled onto her back and attempted a comforting
smile, "I'll be fine."
He handed her one of the sandwiches, "You should
eat something."
"I'm not hungry."
"Baby…" he warned.
"Baby…" she returned in the same tone.
He threw up his hands, exasperated, "Can you
please just follow orders for once? You have to eat."
She took the sandwich and nibbled at the crust.
"How is the depo going?" he asked with
concern.
Jessica smirked, "He thought I'd be a pushover.
He doesn't think that anymore."
Nick suddenly found himself really worried,
"You're being difficult?" he asked before mumbling to himself,
"Why am I surprised?"
Jessica swatted him.
"I'm not being difficult…I'm just standing
up to him."
"What has he been asking?"
"He asked about the cancer and when it was
diagnosed…and he's spent the last couple of hours going over the
transcript of the album making. He's not leaving anything out."
"How long do you think he'll take?"
"I have no idea…he could probably go on for
days."
"If you're too tired…"
"I'll be fine. You really should stop worrying,
you'll give yourself an ulcer," she poked him playfully.
He grimaced, "That would be the least of my
worries."
Jessica's smile became a frown, "He's going to
come down hard on you baby. He asked me how I thought you took the
news…he's dying to ask you that same question."
"Don't worry about me-"
"I do worry about you," she interrupted. She
had felt his tossing and turning each night, seen the dark circles each
morning. "You have taken this hard…and he's not going to stop until
you've admitted that you couldn't stop thinking about it."
He saw where she was headed, "I wasn't
negligent," he insisted.
Jessica said nothing.
"Do you think I was?" he asked severely.
Jessica put her hand on his arm, "Baby…we
both were. Our minds weren't on work…we shouldn't have tried helping him
with everything and then drop him like we did because HE wasn’t good
enough, it was US!"
"So should we admit that to Silva?" Nick
asked sarcastically.
"No of course not. But maybe we should think
about settling."
"We're not settling."
"It might be the easiest thing to do, baby. We
don't need this stress on top of-"
"I can handle it," his voice was hard,
determined.
She gave him a piercing stare, "Can you?"
He stared back, "Yes."
"Just think about it." Jessica got to her
feet and handed Nick her uneaten sandwich before walking with determination to
face Silva again.
***
The next day…
Nick sat down across from Silva and gave him a
determined glare. He was ready.
"Please state your name for the record,"
Silva began.
"Nicholas Scott Lachey."
"How many clients have you lost this year, or
dropped?"
Nick glared at him, "Five."
"That's a lot."
"Everybody loses at some point. We were unlucky
with some of the decisions, some of our clients weren't very convincing,"
he shrugged. "It wasn't malpractice."
Silva pounced on the word, "I never said
malpractice…do you feel guilty over something that might be
malpractice?"
"No, but I could see that was where you were
heading with the questioning."
"Can you name the clients whose contracts you
lost or dropped?"
Nick considered, "Jim Lyons, Theodore
Freeman, Valerie Thomas, Zachary Kroner and Ryan Cabrera."
"Dates of these clients when they worked with
you?"
Nick held back a sigh of annoyance, "How is this
relevant?"
"You don't think past losses are relevant?"
"Not to this case."
"It goes to your confidence and state of mind
during the Cabrera album.”
"I disagree."
"I'm allowed to ask what I want, Mr. Lachey.
Please answer the question."
"I don't know the dates."
"Okay. Your mother is dead isn't she?"
Nick's eyes flashed angrily, "Yes."
"What did she die of?"
"Cancer."
"What type?"
"Breast cancer."
"When?"
"When I was 15."
"What date?"
"January 20."
"When was she diagnosed?"
"Sixteen months before. September 18."
"What happened the night she died?"
Nick's eyes reflected his pain. He turned to Ellenor
who gestured for him to answer. "We had to turn the respirator off."
"Who's we?"
"It was a joint decision…the doctors, my
father, my brother and me."
"Who actually turned it off?"
"I did."
"How did you feel?"
"How do you think I felt?" Nick responded.
"I would guess that it would be devastating. Life
changing."
Nick sensed a trap and remained silent.
"Was it life changing?"
"Yes," he answered carefully. "But it
had little bearing on what is happening with my wife," he lied.
Silva gave a short laugh, seeing the lie, "None
at all?"
Nick looked again to Ellenor, "I didn't say
none."
Silva leaned back in his chair, enjoying himself,
"How much bearing would you say it had? Remembering how devastated you
were over your mother's death."
"It was in the back of my mind, but the
situations were so different. Treatment is much more effective these
days…I feel nothing but optimism." Another lie.
"Lets move on," Ellenor suggested giving
Silva a pointed look.
"What type of cancer does you wife have?"
"Ovarian."
"What stage?"
"Stage two."
"What treatment has she had?"
"Surgery and now chemotherapy."
"When did she have the surgery?"
"A week after the album we worked on with
Ryan."
"So during the album with Ryan you weren't really
sure what the prognosis was?"
"The doctors were optimistic."
"But it must have been eating at you, especially
after what happened to your mother."
"It was on my mind, but I was fine to work with
Ryan."
“Uh huh, sure…let’s go onto the next
matter.” He looked at some papers in front of him and Nick sighed.
***
Jessica had a glass of wine in hand and was chopping
vegetables when Nick walked in.
"The depo went that late?" she asked,
leaning over to meet his kiss.
"Yeah," he saw her glass of wine and downed
it in one go.
"Hey!" she protested.
He grinned and poured her another glass.
"That bad, huh?" she asked, tipping the
vegetables into the casserole.
He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her
waist, "I have never wanted to kill someone as much as I did this
afternoon."
"Don't do it, baby. The way our studio's going,
you'd probably lose and sue us for malpractice," she teased.
He let go of her, "Funny."
"What happened?"
He took the wooden spoon and stirred the pot
absentmindedly, "He wanted to know the most ridiculous things.
Like…'why did you object to that question?' or 'why didn't you ask about
what flowers she was planting?' He spent the whole afternoon on it."
"Its over now."
"No…we continue in the morning."
Jessica turned to stare at him in surprise, "He's
not finished?"
"No. You were right-"
"As usual," she interrupted.
He agreed with a small shrug and a rueful grin,
"I was trying to say you were right in that Silva isn't going to stop
until he has me admitting negligence. He's trying to wear me down."
"Poor baby. Do you want a back rub?" Jessica
responded sympathetically.
He saw the twinkle in her eye and nodded sadly,
"It might help."
She wiped her hands on a cloth and left the kitchen
with a grin, calling, "What are you waiting for?"
Nick smiled. His life might be crashing down around
him, but at least he still had Jessica.
***
The next day…
Lea opened the umbrella above her head as the autumn
rain spattered everything with its big drops. She followed the other
dark-clothed mourners into the depths of the cemetery and joined them in the
circle around the grave. A priest appeared and began the short service.
Lindsay’s brother and sister were both there and after sending Lea a
menacing glare they now steadfastly ignored her.
Nick stood on the outskirts of the group, hearing the
singsong words from the priest without listening. Rain decorated his new Armani
suit but he ignored it, his thoughts belonging to his mother, to Lindsay, to
all the people who had lost someone they loved and suffered unbearable pain
from the loss. The service was soon finished and everyone slowly dispersed in
small sad groups. Lea soon joined him under a nearby tree and held her umbrella
over his head.
"I didn’t know you were planning on
coming," she said as they watched people leave the cemetery.
Nick shrugged, "Neither did I."
"Her siblings blame me," she said.
"They have to blame someone."
They listened to the rain and watched a bulldozer
weave between the tombstones and stop near Lindsay’s. It began quickly
filling the grave and both Nick and Lea watched as though mesmerised.
"The rains getting heavier," Nick commented
eventually.
"Yeah," Lea replied, looking upwards at the
grey clouds. "How was your depo yesterday?"
Nick sighed, "It just finished."
"Really?" Lea asked with surprise.
"Yeah."
"How did it go?"
Nick shook his head, lost for words, "I'm
beginning to agree with Jessica."
Lea's glance was questioning.
Nick explained, "She thinks we should
settle."
"And you?"
"At first every cell in my body resisted the
idea. But now…he might have a case."
"That might just be because he's worn you
out," Lea discerned.
"Maybe."
"Whatever you decide Nick…we're all behind
you."
Nick put his arm around her shoulders and
began to lead her away, "I know."
***
2 months later…
Jessica packed her overnight bag slowly and
thoughtfully, happy to be able to take the time to think and relax. The studio
was in frenzy over the upcoming trial, and neither she nor Nick had slept
properly in weeks. The night at the hospital would almost be a holiday, she
decided ruefully, especially after the previous two months.
She remembered Nick's decision to take the malpractice
suit to trial, and the mixed reaction from the other members of the studio. It
had been a turning point and they had all thrown themselves into their work
with renewed energy. Just weeks later she had had her second round of
chemotherapy, her reaction had been much less severe than after the first, and
she was hoping her third round would be as uneventful. Although, she thought
with a frown, she had a whole lot of tests to get through first. They wanted to
judge her progress, just standard procedure they assured her. But any tests
were bad news to Jessica, especially when she saw the pain that Nick went
through every time the dreaded word was mentioned.
Nick walked in a few minutes later and sat
on the bed, watching her, "Ready?"
"Yeah-" She squealed as he pulled her down
on top of her, "Baby!"
"I'm not letting you go without a kiss," he
growled in her ear.
"Hmmm. I don't know if I'm allowed to kiss, I'll
have to ask the doctors," she teased.
He gave a short laugh, "As if you do what they
say anyway."
She laughed, and leaned forward to give him a kiss
he'd remember. After several minutes, they finally separated, breathless.
"For that I'll even drive you to the
hospital," he grinned, helping her off the bed.
They arrived at the hospital and Jessica sat in the
waiting room; she was getting used to the art of waiting and had come prepared
with a book. Nick kissed her goodbye, "I'll be back tonight."
"Okay. I'll be fine."
He gave her one last searching look, not wanting to
leave her alone.
Jessica gave him a gently shove, "Go!" she
ordered.
After an hour she was called and began a long
afternoon of tests.
***
Nick arrived at the hospital early the next morning,
mentally and emotionally prepared for the test results. He arrived just as a
nurse did.
Jessica's sleepy voice whispered, "Hi Pam."
Pam smiled back and looked at Jessica's chart,
"How are you feeling this morning?"
"Nervous."
"Other than that?"
"I'm fine."
"That's good."
Pam efficiently went about her business.
Nick kissed Jessica.
"You're too early," she chastised him.
"I couldn't sleep."
"Neither could I," she admitted. "I
missed you."
"The doctor will be here soon," Pam told
them as she finished recording Jessica's vitals on the chart.
"Thanks"
"Good luck, Jessica. I hope he has good
news."
Nick closed his eyes, suddenly unable to
stand the suspense. He felt Jessica's hand seek his and he raised it to his
mouth to kiss softly, "Everything is going to be okay," he said with
an assurance he didn't feel. Jessica nodded silently, hoping beyond hope that
he was right.
"I'm scared," she whispered.
He leaned across the bed and hugged her tightly,
"Me too. But we need to think positive."
"Whatever happens…I will always love
you," she whispered.
Nick felt the tears prick his eyes, "And I will
never stop loving you."
The doctor appeared in the doorway, his expression
serious. Nick sat back down and looked bravely back at the man who held their
life in his hands.
"Hey Jessica. Hey Nick. I…there is no easy
way to say this…"
Nick felt his heart plummet.
"I have bad news," the doctor
continued.
End of Part 8.
Title: Losing Streak Part 9
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note:
Okay well I know I left you hanging before but here is the next part,
it’s not as long as my other parts but I hope y’all think
it’s just as good as the other parts! Again, thank you EVERYONE for the
feedback there are a few more parts left and I hope y’all enjoy them!
Here ya go! Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-8
Disclaimer: Read 1-8
“Losing Streak” Part 9
Nick gripped Jessica's hand tighter and felt
the blood drain from his face. All optimism flew out the window. Jessica felt
the muscles in her legs go flaccid and thanked god she wasn't standing.
"What is it?" she whispered.
"We got the results back from the tests we did
yesterday."
"And?" Nick asked impatiently.
"And…the chemotherapy has so far been
unsuccessful.
"What are you saying?" Jessica asked evenly.
"Jessica…there is no other way to say
this…the cancer has metastasised in your spine. It isn't a good
sign."
Jessica digested the news numbly, unsure how to react.
She had accepted from the beginning that this may happen, but to consider the
idea and to deal with it were two completely different things. In the dark
silence of the night when nausea and pain kept her awake, she had wondered how
Nick would cope if she died. It was a thought she didn't even want to consider.
"What does that mean?" Nick's voice was
strained.
The doctor looked at him, "When cancer
metastasises in other organs, it is very difficult to stop. I still recommend
we continue with chemotherapy."
"Is there any point?" Jessica asked softly.
Nick turned to her, horrified, "Of course there
is!"
"Why, Nick?"
His mouth suddenly went dry, "Because…we
have…we have to try." He looked at the doctor, "I want a second
opinion."
"Baby," Jessica whispered, on the brink of
tears.
"No baby, I'm not going to let-" he knew his
words were futile. He had no power to stop it.
Tears coursed down her face.
The doctor watched awkwardly. In his long career as an
oncologist, he had never found this part of his job easy. "If you want a
second opinion, I can recommend a very well respected oncologist."
"How long?" Jessica asked suddenly.
Fear flashed across Nick's face when he realised the
implication of her question.
The doctor rubbed his temples, "Its hard to say.
Two years with treatment."
"But what about new research? There must be
something!" Nick argued desperately.
"What if I don't want treatment?"
Nick felt pain sear through his chest at her words. He
desperately wanted to look at her, to judge her reaction, but couldn't face the
possibility that she had already made her decision.
Dr. Morrison stared at her for a few seconds before
answering, "Maybe as little as 6 months."
She nodded. Too damn accepting, Nick thought with
fear.
"You don’t have to make this decision
straight away. But I'd like to go ahead with today's chemo."
She nodded again, "Okay."
"Good. I'll send in the nurse."
"Give us a few minutes," Nick asked.
"Sure." The doctor closed the door behind
him.
Once the room was empty, Nick looked at Jessica,
"Why?" he asked, tears clouding his blue eyes.
"I hate…this," her hand swept around
the room. "I don't want to go through hell for just a few more
months..."
Nick looked at her. He suddenly had so much he wanted
to say, but didn't know where to start.
"Not even for me?" he whispered.
***
Ellenor looked at the others around the conference
table, "Okay. Opening arguments. Here's a copy. Tell me what you
think." She waited nervously while the others read. She looked at her
watch. Nick had said he'd be late, but it was already 10 a.m. and they hadn't heard
a word from him. She hoped everything was okay. But she didn't have time to
think about it now. The case was going to trial the next day.
***
Nick sat with his head against the wall. Waiting.
Thinking. He closed his eyes, seeing his mother. Hearing the same words.
"There's nothing we can do." He looked at Jessica. She was lying on
the bed, arm outstretched, chemicals dripping into her veins. She was watching
him with an intense look of concentration. He could tell she was trying to figure
out how to explain herself. But she didn't need to. He knew what she was
feeling. What she was going through. Their eyes met across the room and their
gaze locked.
"I just don't understand…" he said. He
looked at is hands, breaking the connection.
"I don't expect you to," she replied in a
whisper.
"You have to at least try. Lots of people get
horrible prognoses and are treated successfully. What do doctors really know
about cancer anyway? We should at least try."
His words hung in the air and it was a good five minutes
before Jessica spoke again.
"I've brought home A's since I was 5 years old. I
had this notion of perfection drummed into me. Always have to win. Always have
to be the best. My whole life I have fought every battle. I'm sick of fighting,
baby. I hate the treatment…and I am so scared but…the extra
time…I don't think its worth it." She refused to meet his eye as
though one look at his concerned statement would melt her resolve.
"But your determination…its one of the
things I most love about you." He remembered the fights they used to have.
She had been the first woman to take him on, to really challenge him. He would
lay in his bed at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning, mentally replaying their
arguments. They still fought. Constantly. And they had become experts in the
art of making up too. Well up until she had been diagnosed anyway. Fighting,
and consequently making up, had come to a sudden halt after that. Until now. He
knew that it would destroy him if he didn't fight for this. If his worst fears
came true, he had to know that he had done everything. He couldn't live with
the what ifs.
Jessica cut into his thoughts, "I don't think I
can do it," she admitted.
"Remember when you went into your first magazine
photo shoot ever?" he smiled ruefully. "You asked whether I thought
you were was doing the right thing and whether I thought you could do it well
and be perfect. You were so unsure of yourself."
Jessica nodded, remembering the nights she had
lain awake doubting herself.
"But you did it. You can win this too."
"I don't want to fight anymore, baby. And for
what? A few more months where I'll probably be bed ridden and stoned on drugs.
That's not a quality life. I don't want it to come to that."
***
Drew pointed to the page, "Okay, here where you
talk about Barbara Keireth's attitude? I don't think you should go into so much
detail."
"Why not?" Ellenor argued.
"Because we want the jury to hear it fresh. Silva
can coach her on techniques but he can't argue with the facts and on the facts
she sounds the way she does."
Ellenor looked at Lea and Jeff, "What do you guys
think?"
"I agree with Drew." Lea stated. She looked
at her watch. Where the hell was Nick?
***
A nurse came in and removed the drip. "Doctor
Morrison will be here to see you in a few minutes."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Jessica scooted over on the bed and patted the space
next to her. Nick gave her a small smile and perched on the bed. She patted the
spot again and he sighed, sitting up next to her. She rested her head on his
shoulder. "I need you," she said.
"I'm here."
"I don't expect you to understand. But I need you
to support whatever I decide."
He swallowed the lump in his throat and agreed with a
nod of his head. "I'll respect your decision." They were the hardest
words he had ever uttered. They were harder even than the three words that used
to scare him to death. He felt like he had just let go of her for good, felt
that he lost complete control of his life.
"I love you," he whispered. Yes those words
were much easier to say.
"I love you," she returned. He kissed the
top of her head and they waited in silence for the doctor to reappear. Nothing
else needed to be said.
The doctor walked in the door, reacting to Nick's
presence (and position) with surprise.
"You know those beds are actually only designed
for one person," he joked feebly.
Jessica attempted to smile, "We're always
willing to test the boundaries."
"I want to keep you here overnight."
They had expected this.
"I also want to run some more tests tomorrow. You
can go home tomorrow night. Do you have any more questions?"
"No." Jessica answered firmly.
"Nick?" he asked.
Nick shook his head, looking at Jessica.
"No."
"Well if you have any at all…I have my
pager on me all the time."
"Okay. Thanks."
"Oh…Dr Morrison?" Jessica called
suddenly.
He stopped and turned around raising his eyebrows
questioningly.
"About treatment? When do we need to decide
that?"
He thought for a moment. "As soon as possible. If
you decide to continue treatment, we want to begin right away. We'll need to
assess the situation and decide on a new course of action."
She nodded and the doctor again questioned her with
raised eyebrows, "Is that all?"
"Yes. Thanks."
"Anytime."
***
Justin suppressed a yawn. It was only lunch time but
it felt like they had been in this meeting for days. Lea appeared with
sandwiches from the local deli and their remains were now scatted over the
polished conference table. They were silent as they ate and he could tell they
were all thinking the same thing. Something must be wrong with Jessica.
***
Ashlee swept into the room. She saw Nick in the bed
next to Jessica and screwed up her nose, "Don’t tell me that you two
prudes have become more adventurous in your old age," she smirked.
She was met with serious faces.
"What's up?" she asked looking from Jessica
to Nick and back to Jessica, suddenly more concerned. "What
happened?"
"The cancer has…spread to my spine,"
Jessica told her without emotion.
Ashlee stared at her for a few seconds, wondering
whether this was a joke. The look on their faces proved that it wasn't.
"Oh Jessica!" she breathed, leaning over Nick and hugging her
tightly. Ashlee let go of Jessica and wrapped her arms around Nick.
"You guys don't look very upset," Ashlee
commented.
Jessica sighed, "We've had time to recover from
the shock."
"But they can still treat it right?"
Jessica looked at Nick for strength. She took a deep
breath before turning back to Ashlee, "No."
Ashlee gasped softly, "What?"
"The doctor wants to continue treatment…but
I…"
Ashlee's voice became panicked, "Jessica! Of
course you should continue treatment!"
"Ashlee…" Jessica placated.
But Ashlee wasn't hearing her. "I can't lose you
Jessica. You don't understand…I need you…you have to
consider…"
"Ashlee…" Jessica tried again.
Ashlee looked at Nick, "You can't let her
go through with this…she listens to you…you have to convince
her…oh god." She covered her face with her hands.
Jessica closed her eyes and dropped her head back on
the pillow, suddenly nauseous. Her face turned an interesting colour of green before
she reached for the bowl on the table beside the bed. Nick reached for her
hair, which was dangling precariously in the way. Ashlee watched silently. She
could see why Jessica wasn't too keen on continuing treatment, but it wasn't
like Jessica to back down from a challenge. Ashlee went into the adjoining
bathroom for a flannel face cloth to wipe her face with and handed it to Nick.
"Okay?" he asked with concern.
Jessica screwed up her face, "Yuck. I need
lemonade or something."
"I'll get it." Ashlee offered, glad for the
excuse to leave the room.
Jessica watched her departing back. She couldn't even
consider another 2 years of feeling like this; it wouldn't be worth the extra
time. But she hated seeing the two most important people in her life feeling so
hurt. She felt like she hadn't seen Nick smile in a long time, not a real smile
anyway. It had been his unguarded smile that had melted her inhibitions in the
beginning and she had loved him ever since. All those years wasted, offering
love and getting nothing in return only to lose it all now to a disease.
Ashlee returned with a glass of lemonade,
which Jessica drank gratefully, washing out the disgusting taste in her mouth.
Ashlee sat on the uncomfortable chair opposite the bed and rested her head
against the wall, in a position remarkably like the one Nick had been moulded
into just hours before.
Jessica looked at the clock on her bedside
table and was shocked to see that it was almost 2 pm. "Weren't you going
to go to the studio?" she asked Nick.
"I'll go in later."
"But the trial starts tomorrow!" Jessica
argued.
"I'd rather be here with you," he replied
just as hotly.
"Maybe you should call them."
"I don't really want to face them," Nick
admitted.
Jessica squeezed his arm understandingly, "We need
to tell them."
"They don't need this now…it's the night
before the trial."
"We can't hide it from them."
I'd like to hide it from myself for a little while
longer, he thought. "We'll tell them together…tomorrow." He
sighed, "But you're right. I should go in now…just to make
sure…"
"Yes you should. They’ll be wondering where
you are," he leaned over and kissed her tenderly. Tasting her icky breath
but not caring. "Baby…" he said, his face still close enough to
feel her hot breath on his cheek, "I understand." He looked in her
eyes and saw the tears form. "I understand," he repeated. They kissed
again, leaving him wondering how he would get through life if he couldn't kiss
and touch this woman he loved so much.
***
Ellenor turned a page in the file in front of her,
"Okay…Mark (another lawyer working with them)…you're taking
Jessica. We need sympathy remember. We need you to look like the nicest person
on the earth compared to Tommy Silva…it shouldn't be too hard," she
grinned.
"I know."
"No secrets remember. We want the jury to know
everything before Silva gets a chance to cross."
"Do you think Jessica will be okay?" Lea
asked worriedly.
"She was great in her depo, so there's no reason
she shouldn't do as well in the trial."
"Yeah…but…Nick should be here by
now…what if something is wrong and she can't testify?"
"Then we get a continuance."
"We won't need a continuance." Nick
announced from the doorway.
They turned to look at him, with expressions of relief
and concern showing on their faces.
"She's okay?" Drew questioned.
"She's…fine." Nick mumbled. Lying to
them was harder than he expected. These people were their best friends and they
deserved to know the truth.
"Nick?" Lea asked gently. "What's going
on?"
"The cancer…" he felt his eyes welling
up again. "The cancer has spread."
"Oh no." Jeff breathed. Poor Jessica. Poor
Nick.
"What?" Justin mumbled.
"It doesn’t look good." Nick told
them.
***
Ashlee, Tina and Joe (who Ashlee ended up calling) sat
stubbornly by Jessica's side. They had been configuring arguments in their head
to convince Jessica to continue treatment. But every time they thought of
something, a voice in their head found a reason against it. It was incredibly
frustrating. It was after they had discarded their fifth good idea that they realized
that Jessica didn't need reasons and thoughts and arguments she needed support.
They suddenly understood Nick's acceptance of the bad news. He was being a much
better friend than they were.
"Oh Jessie I am so sorry!" Ashlee finally
announced, close to tears.
Jessica smiled at Ashlee's melodramatics, "For
what?"
"For being a bad sister and friend."
"Oh Ashlee," Jessica replied, half
exasperated and half crying. "You're not a bad friend or a bad sister. A
bad friend wouldn't care as much as you do."
"But you deserve someone better than me."
"Well I choose you anyway." She said
teasingly Ashlee remained silent. "Ashlee, you're my best friend. You
always will be."
"I just don't want to lose you." Ashlee took
the spot on the bed that Nick had vacated and hugged Jessica tightly.
"I don't want to lose you either," Jessica
replied, her voice muffled by Ashlee's shoulder.
"Is it really that bad?"
"What?"
"Treatment. Tell me that living with treatment
would be worse than dying and I'll support your decision."
"Ashlee."
"Tell me, Jessica. Tell me that treatment would
make kissing Nick less enjoyable. It would make all the love from your friends
worthless. TELL me. Even if it's only a few extra months…it has to be
better than nothing. Tell me you don’t love Nick enough to spend every
second of time available fighting to be with him longer. TELL ME!"
Jessica remained silent, considering.
"Jessica?"
"I can't." Jessica croaked.
***
"We can get a continuance Nick."
"No. She'll be okay for the trial. If we delay the
trial…she'll just get worse."
There was silence around the table as everyone
considered what this meant for the studio. They couldn’t even comprehend
life at work without Jessica there. They couldn't imagine how Nick would cope
if he lost her. No, it didn't bear thinking about.
"Go back to her Nick," Lea suggested.
"How are you going?" he sat down in his
usual chair, ignoring Lea.
"Fine. We're up to your testimony."
"Who's questioning me?" he forced a smile.
"Me," Ellenor replied, returning the smile.
"You better be good. I don't want to have to declare you a hostile
witness."
He pretended to be hurt, "What are you trying to
say?"
"Well your temper isn't one of your most
attractive features," she replied teasingly.
Drew interrupted them, wanting to get back to
business. "We don't want you to get emotional, Nick. Just state the
facts."
Nick nodded, "Okay."
"We probably won't be calling you until at least
Friday. So we'll talk more about it then." Ellenor finished. "Now go
back to Jessica." She added.
"Are you sure you don't need me?"
"Actually, we've been getting along quite well
without you," Drew smiled.
"Go Nick," Lea urged.
He stood up, "Okay. See you tomorrow."
"Give Jessica our love."
***
Nick returned to an empty room. He could hear the
shower going in the adjoining bathroom and swung the door open.
"Baby?"
"I'm in here," she called back.
The shower stopped and Jessica stepped unsteadily out
into the towel that Nick was holding.
"Thanks."
He kissed her shoulder, which was still dotted with
drops of water, "How are you feeling?"
"Okay…just a little woozy." She
reached for her bathrobe and dropped the towel while Nick watched
appreciatively. "Get your mind out of the gutter," Jessica laughed.
Nick gave her an innocent 'who me?' look.
"Why are you back so soon?"
"They made me leave."
"Did you remind them that you were the
boss?"
"If I had wanted to stay I would have."
She smiled and Nick felt his knees go weak. This
incredible woman was his.
He helped her back into bed and wiped her hair from
her eyes.
"Baby. I've been thinking…"
"Uh oh," he grinned.
Doctor Morrison walked in the door, "You called
me Jessica?"
Nick looked at her with surprise.
"I've decided…" she paused as though
consulting her soul for the last time. She nodded slightly to herself,
"…I've decided to go ahead with treatment."
End of Part 9.
Title: Losing Streak Part 10
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Well part 10 already WOW! Thank
you to EVERYONE who has sent me feedback, I know I’ve said it over and
over again but really thank you very much! The attention I have received from
this story is amazing so thank you VERY much to everyone and please keep on
sending it to me! Let me know how you’re still enjoying this story IF you
are! You can send the feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-9
Disclaimer: What do I say every time? Well that STILL
applies!
“Losing Streak” Part 10
The next day…
Tina’s face appeared at the door of
the hospital room and Jessica greeted her arrival with a cheerful, “Thank
God you’re here, I’m going crazy”. Nick had rushed off to
court and left her alone to bite her nails and twiddle her thumbs all morning.
Tina, who had expected Jessica to be resigned to her
fate, was surprised at the bravado. “Going?” she couldn’t
resist asking.
Jessica made a face at her, “Funny.”
“I have something for you.” Jessica sensed
a tinge of desperation in her casual tone.
"A present?" Jessica raised an eyebrow.
"Something like that.” Seeing
Jessica’s devious smile, Tina looked warily around her as though an
explanation for her daughter’s sudden good mood was written on the walls.
The answer hit her as a medical chart caught her eye. Drugs! It could only be
drugs.
“Well I hope it’s a wig,” Jessica
replied, ignoring the befuddlement on Tina’s face. “I’m
telling you I could really do with a wig right about now.” She looked
despondently at her pillow which was decorated with several strands of hair.
The hair loss had slowed down and Jessica still had enough left to be able to
look into the mirror without grimacing, but nothing would stop it completely.
She pushed the depressing thought out of her mind.
Tina looked at her speechless for a second before
opening her mouth to reply but Jessica was too fast for her. “Oh! I know.
You brought a cure for cancer. Thank God! I knew that you’d come through
eventually. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Tina once again opened her mouth and this time she
actually managed to squeeze out a single word. “Jessica!”
Jessica’s smile faded and the twinkle in
her eye disappeared, “I was joking momma.”
“I don’t think its something you should
joke about.”
“So I’m supposed to just sit here and
prepare myself for death like an obedient little terminally ill patient?”
Jessica spat.
“But…” Tina was more confused than
ever. Jessica’s mood changes were giving her a headache. “But
you’re not going to die!”
“We don’t really know that.” Jessica
replied softly.
"Well that’s what I’ve come here to
talk about.” Tina took a deep breath, calming herself before launching
into the speech she had been practising all night. “Jessie I love you and
I respect your decision not to go ahead with treatment, but I will not rest
until you have considered both sides-"
"Momma-" Lindsay interrupted.
"No babe, I know what you're going to say. But
first listen to me-"
"Momma…" Jessica placed a hand on her
mother’s arm.
Tina shrugged off the contact at first, and then
reached for her hand, holding it tightly in hope that her determination; her
optimism would somehow seep from her own veins into Jessica’s. Taking
another deep breath, she forged ahead, "This country doesn’t let a
jury make a decision after only hearing from the prosecution and I won’t
let you make a decision without listening to me. I brought this for you."
She opened a photo album. "You should look at these photos and tell me
another moment like this isn't worth fighting for."
Jessica took the album and closed it gently.
"Momma!"
Tina sighed and briefly closed her eyes before
whispering, "What?"
"I’ve already decided to continue with
treatment."
Tina's face changed abruptly from desperation to
bewilderment, "You have?”
Jessica smiled softly, "Yeah."
Tina studied Jessica’s face seriously, before
hugging her with speechless delight, "And you didn't tell me!?" Well
not so speechless.
"Well I wanted to keep my hearing for as long as
possible," Jessica replied dryly, rubbing the ear that Tina had just
damaged with her piercing shriek.
"But…" Tina was once again lost for
words. Jessica watched with amusement as she opened her mouth and closed it
again. Finally a word made the successful journey from her brain to her mouth,
“Why?”
Jessica shrugged, "You were right."
"Well that goes without saying," Tina joked.
Jessica grinned at her, "Modest too."
"Life's too short to-" Tina stopped
abruptly. "Sorry. Bad choice of words."
Jessica shook her head, "But life is too short.
And after you left I realized…I wanted to spend every minute of mine with
Nicholas…and you, daddy, Ashlee…and everybody."
Tina wiped the tears from her eyes, "Does Nick
know?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"He…he didn't know how to react."
"He must be relieved. And happy…" Tina
commented. She knew that Nick had been emotionally shattered with the
announcement the morning before. Happiness would be an understatement.
"Of course he was…he just…I don't
think he believed it."
“So…how do you feel?” Tina asked
warily.
Jessica was silent, contemplating. She listened for a
moment as a metal trolley trundled slowly past her room. Funny how life
continues oblivious to people’s struggles, she thought.
“Jess?” Tina’s voice was imploring.
“I hate not knowing,” she finally
admitted. “It sounds awful but at least with the decision not to continue
treatment, I knew what was going to happen. But now…” she shook her
head bleakly. “The future is in the dark again.”
It was Tina’s turn to fall silent, considering
Jessica’s confession. “You shouldn’t change your mind for us.
You have to do it for you.” She said slowly, surprising both herself and
Jessica with the sentiment.
“And this is the woman who just threw a photo
album at me begging me to reconsider?”
“Yeah well…you’ve made me realize
that I shouldn’t force my opinions on you. This is your life.”
“And you’ve only just realised this? You
couldn’t have made this revelation a few years earlier?”
Tina’s grim statement was finally replaced with
a twisted smile. Jessica held up the photo album. “Well thanks for the
present. It might relieve some of the boredom. It’ll be nice to remember
the good times…”She trailed off as she opened the album to a page
in the middle and stared at the photo for a second. She looked back at Tina, an
image of Nick laughing still burning in her brain.
Tina, sensing Jessica needed privacy announced light
heartedly. “Well I’ll leave you to it. I think I’ll watch
some of the trial…unless you want me to stay."
Jessica shook her head, "Go. You can tell me what
happens. I want details."
"Okay. See you soon.” They hugged. Jessica
wasn’t sure whether it was just her increased awareness for other
people’s feelings, but the hug seemed tighter and more desperate than
usual. Were Tina’s eyes also shiny with tears? Or was that just the
garish hospital lights playing tricks on her? How could she reconcile with
herself for causing so much pain to the people she loved so dearly?
She had fought with the very same idea
the previous day; fought so desperately with herself that no other thought
could interrupt the mental battle that ensued and the only result was sheer
emotional exhaustion. It was at that time of weakness that her nurse had stepped
in and seen Jessica’s desperate confusion. Pam’s caring, concerned
face had listened as words poured out of Jessica’s mouth, almost as
though her overloaded brain was disposing of all irrelevant thoughts. Pam
simply listened, knowing that some patients needed to sort everything out with
themselves before they could confront loved ones with their decision. She
listened as Jessica told her about her relationship with Nick all those years
ago and listened as words tumbled out about the struggle to be the singer and
artist she is today.
Somewhere in the illogical stream of words, Jessica
found the answer she was searching for. “I know Nick doesn’t want
me to give up, but he has no idea what this is like. It hurts me so much to see
him hurting, knowing that he has gone through all this before with his mother.
And he doesn’t want to share what he’s feeling because I think
he’s afraid of…I don’t know…if he speaks his mind, his
fears might come true. And he doesn’t want me to worry about him. But I
do worry about him. I worry every time I see his face. But why should I do this
to him. Aren’t I just extending his misery by staying alive for a few
more months? And the treatment may not be successful, the doctor made that
pretty clear. Its like a bandaid, you rip them off quickly, get it over and
done with. I think I need to do that here. I can’t prolong his pain
more…it would kill him inside. He’s already suffering so much and I
know he’ll eventually forget what it was like for me to be me. This
isn’t me at all. Sick in hospital…crying to a stranger. He’s
going to forget who I really was. I don’t want that to happen. I
don’t want his last memories of me to be the years I lay in hospital;
doped up on drugs…I can’t stand the thought of that!” Her
face crumpled again, new tears joining those already staining her cheeks.
“But I…I need him so much…and I want to be with him for every
second that I have. How could I turn my back on being with him? How could I
choose…ending everything…over having time with him?”
And then as suddenly as she started, the words
stopped, and she was almost surprised at having nothing else to say. Pam had
simply taken her hand, squeezed it and offered, “I think you know the
answer. You always have. It just got lost within all the other thoughts.”
And she was right. Jessica did know the answer.
Somehow it had come to her. Tina’s own arguments later that day had
simply reinforced her own. Her decision still scared her and she would never be
completely sure of it, but if Nick’s response was anything to go by, it
was the right decision to make.
Jessica now picked up the photo album and opened it
again. Tears stung her eyes when she saw the first photo. She and Tina had
their arms around each other, grinning broadly into the camera, at some
magazine party. How young and carefree she looked. And how things had changed!
It showed innocence that she could never retrieve and a feeling of
invincibility that she would never again feel. She flipped the page. More and
more images of the two friends striking various poses and suddenly the Nick
photos began. There was the photo she had snapped when they were being just
dating. She had often looked at it during those months with a sad certainty
that they would never be anything more than friends after she broke his heart
telling him she needed a break. The photos of the couple became more and more
frequent and their expressions more and more loving, until finally the wedding
photos began. Jessica flipped through them happily until she came to blank
pages. Her happiness was replaced with a sense of horror. This is what it would
be like for Nick. The photos would end and all he’d have was memories. It
was something that didn’t bear thinking about. With trembling hands
Jessica picked up her book. Danielle Steele had always been a good cure for
fear and nerves and Jessica hoped the remedy wouldn’t fail now.
Ten minutes later, however, she slammed
the book shut with a frustrated sigh. She looked at the clock. 9:27. Nick! His
name once again permeated her consciousness. Reaching for the phone on the
night stand she blindly dialled his number, hoping that he hadn’t already
turned off his phone. As it rang she thought of the tune that must be playing
in the courthouse. It was their song: “Take My Breath Away”. It had
started as a joke, but now they both recognized it as ‘theirs’. She
remembered the day Nick had met her at the door of her apartment. He had been
ridiculously pleased with himself as he played it for her, having downloaded it
from the internet. He never turned on a computer unless it was for ESPN
websites and Jessica was surprised and secretly thrilled that he had done
something so outwardly affectionate.
In a voice that even now made her knees
go weak (lucky she was already in bed) he answered, “Nick Lachey.”
“I forgot to say good luck!”
she said breathlessly.
“I bet you say that to all the
people you call, that are on their way to trial,” he teased.
“No I tell them to kiss my ass.
You should be flattered.”
His laugh pleased every cell in her body
and she wriggled down the bed so that she was completely lying down.
“Actually I’m jealous.
I’d kiss your butt any day,” he replied with a grin. A red headed
woman in the gallery heard him and frowned. Nick continued unawares “And
I’m also running late. The judge should be here any second.”
“Okay. Well call me when you get a
chance.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
***
Nick switched off his phone and sat down
next to a busy looking Ellenor and a statue still Justin.
“All set?” he asked Ellenor.
“I hope so,” she continued
to move papers around. It wasn’t until he saw her move the same file
three times that he realized it was nerves she had developed rather than an
acute obsessive compulsive disorder.
“You okay Justin?” Nick
asked, concerned about the green-grey colour his face had turned.
Justin’s glassy eyes turned to him and his head moved slightly, which
Nick interpreted as a nod. Ellenor saw Nick’s worried look and gave him a
tight smile, “He’s been like that all morning.” She returned
to her file moving.
Nick thought ruefully of all the
previous clients Justin had helped in the same nauseous condition and they
became very successful singers. It was probably a good sign. He sat next to
Ellenor and looked around the room. Silva was calmly reading through a file,
ignoring the prim Barbara Keireth seated on his right who was chatting
nervously. Nick could hear her shrill voice from the other side of the
courtroom and found himself listening to her babble, “Well my sister
thinks that I have a good chance here, but she said that the defense is a
reputable firm. Even SHE has heard about Mr. Lachey and she lives in North
Dakota!” the woman met Nick’s eyes, giving him an intense glare of
hatred. Nick ignored her and looked instead at the gathering spectators. As far
as trials went this one was low down on the list for entertainment value. The
only journalists present were those who wrote for various law journals and
magazines which made for a very relieved Nick: he had kept his life so private
for so long, he dreaded having it aired now. He also knew that Jessica dreaded
having her illness made into front page news. Until now, very few actually knew
about the cancer, but it was soon to become public knowledge. It was the last
thing she needed.
The judge finally walked in and looking around the
courtroom with an air of absolute boredom, he sat down took a sip of his coffee
(that had a dash of whisky) and waited for everybody to settle. Let’s get
this over and done with, he thought.
***
Jessica lay in bed, desperately wishing
that she was by Nick’s side. Her brave act from the morning had now
completely decayed away, exposing the raw anxiety and fear beneath. But at
least she could rest easy, knowing that Nick was in court with his mind clear
to concentrate on the trial. She remembered his surprised reaction to her
announcement the previous night: he had stood completely still, as if afraid
that if he moved she’d change her mind. She had seen the question in his
eyes, “Why?”
The doctor, sensing an intimate moment had hurried
wordlessly out, and Nick had waited until the door was firmly closed and
silence had settled on the room before saying, “But you
said…”
Jessica sighed with frustration. “I know what I
said! I've changed my mind. I’ve changed it a thousand times …this
isn’t easy for me Nick!”
“But why now…you were so sure of your
decision…”
Tears shone in Jessica’s eyes, “Do you
really think that I could make that decision so quickly? A decision that would
mean we’d be apart…?”
Nick closed his eyes as though to shut out her words,
“I would have supported whatever you decided.”
“I know. But Ashlee wouldn’t
have…she was…” Jessica searched for the right word,
“Relentless.”
Nick looked hurt, "You listened to Ashlee and not
me?" he mumbled.
Jessica reached over and took his hand, holding it to
her lips before replying emphatically, "No! I just came to realise it was
what I really need to do."
“Are you sure?" he whispered, still
apprehensive. He needed to be certain she wasn’t fooling him with some
cruel joke.
Jessica nodded, “All I know is that I want to
spend every moment I have with you. There is so much I want to do…I want
to make love to you, I want to walk in the woods in autumn, I want to eat
triple chocolate ice cream on the beach in summer, I want to go shoe shopping with
Ashlee…”
Nick laughed through his own tears.
“I’ll never be sure, baby.
But what I will be sure of is my love for you. And I have to give us a
chance…how could I not?”
He stood still, seemingly unaffected, as
he held tightly onto her hand. Jessica could see the emotions flowing across
his face. He still found it hard to express his deepest feelings and she had
become a whiz at reading his facial expressions. As he stared at her, she felt
his relief. No words were required.
Footsteps outside her room hauled
Jessica back into reality. A few seconds later, Pam’s friendly face
appeared around the door, “Do you need anything Jessica?”
Jessica shook her head, hurriedly wiping the
stray tears away with the back of her hand. She didn’t trust her voice
enough to speak.
Pam saw the tears and wisely chose not
to comment. She knew that after yesterday’s outpouring, Jessica had to be
the one to ask for help. “Well call if you need me.”
Jessica nodded. Pam was walking out the
door when Jessica called “Pam!?” Her voice sounded unreal to her:
shrill and desperate.
Pam turned, eyebrows raised expectantly.
“Do you have…” Jessica
trailed off, berating herself for not thinking the situation through
thoroughly. Pam wouldn’t be able to help her. The nurse was caring and
was a great listener, but what could she tell Jessica about life? Why should
she care about one patient, when she probably looked after hundreds in the same
situation as her?
“I have lots of things,” Pam
could read Jessica’s indecision from a mile off. “I have tissues,
water, comfort food and…” she smiled knowingly. “…A
shoulder.”
Jessica lifted her gaze to the kind
nurse’s face. She took in the now familiar sympathetic green eyes with
the small wrinkles around the corners that indicated that she laughed in life
more than she cried. Those sincere eyes were now focussed intently on Jessica.
“A shoulder?” Jessica asked.
“To cry on.”
Her compassion brought the familiar
tears back to Jessica’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” she
apologized, wiping the tears away. “I hate crying.”
Pam’s green eyes bored into
Jessica’s, “Why?”
Jessica paused before replying honestly,
“They make me feel weak.”
The nurse’s shoulders lifted in a
shrug as though to say ‘so what?’ “There’s nothing
wrong with feeling weak. Nobody can feel strong all the time. Not even
you.”
Jessica’s nose was running like
the Yangtze River. She felt overwhelmed, but still unwilling to unload her
baggage onto someone else. “I’m sure you’re busy. I’m
wasting your time.”
Pam laughed dryly, “You’re
not going to get out of this that easily.” Her voice became smug as she
settled in the chair beside the bed. “And I’m on a coffee
break.” She pulled a tissue out of the box and offered it to Jessica.
“I’m here to listen.”
Silence ensued. Jessica looked at a
bunch of flowers on the window sill. She had no idea who had sent them, she
didn’t really care. They were pretty but didn’t smell. What’s
the point of sending flowers that don’t smell? She wondered. All Jessica
could smell was the nauseating combination of disinfectant and antiseptic. The
scent of a nice rose would be a welcome change.
“Jessica?” Pam’s eyes
searched Jessica’s face she was looking for something, anything that
would reveal what she was feeling. “Why did you call me back?”
Jessica shrugged. She could be as good
as Nick at hiding her feelings if she tried.
“You know why. Tell me.” Pam
urged.
Her words reminded Jessica of her
mother. Tell me. Hadn’t her mom said the same thing the day before?
“Nick…Ashlee, momma…they don’t understand,”
Jessica offered reluctantly.
“What don’t they
understand?” Pam asked, glad that she had an opening.
Jessica’s eyes roamed the room,
“This.”
“The disease?”
“No,” frustration rose to
the surface but it was directed at herself rather than at Pam.
“It’s not just that they don’t understand. I can’t talk
to them.”
“Why not?”
“Because they don’t
understand.” She laughed without humour at the catch 22. They don’t
understand so I want to talk to them. But I can’t talk to them because
they don’t understand.
“I think they understand more than
you give them credit for.”
“But I don’t want to worry
him.”
“Who?”
“Nick.”
“You don’t think he could
help you get through this?”
“Maybe.”
“Why can’t you talk to
him?”
“Because he is already consumed
with worry and stress and fear and if I present him with my own concerns,
I’m afraid…”
“He won’t cope?”
“Oh he’ll cope. He always
copes.” She was surprised at the bitterness that appeared in her tone.
“But I don’t want him to have to cope. I don’t like the way
he copes.”
“Why?”
“He lost his mother…they
were close…do you know how long it took me to get him to open up about
that?”
“How long?”
“Years. And I don’t want to
burden him with…this.”
“This.” Pam stated, waiting
for Jessica to elaborate.
“This feeling…I just feel so
helpless.” Tears began to well and Jessica wiped them away, determined
not to cry. “I have no control over my life and it terrifies me. And I
worry. I worry about Nick trying to do everything at the studio and for me for
the next however many years. And now we’re being sued and it’s my
entire fault and if we lose…he’ll lose everything. And I feel so
guilty for being such a burden. And I…I don’t want to die!”
Jessica finally succumbed to the heartache and sobbed into her hands. Pam
rested her hand comfortingly on Jessica’s back, waiting patiently for the
tears to end. Here was a very confused person, she thought to herself sadly.
The problem with someone used to being strong all the time is that they
don’t know how to let go.
“There is nothing wrong with being
afraid, Jessica.” She soothed. “This is scary and I’m not
going to pretend it isn’t. But there’s a rule saying that if you
have cancer, you’re allowed to be scared.” The joke failed to get a
response and Pam continued softly, “I know a lot of patients feel better if
they write down their fears in a journal. Others write letters to their loved
ones. You don’t have to send them, but it helps to sort out your fears
and thoughts on paper. Maybe you should try it.”
Jessica nodded, unable to speak.
“And talk to people. Protecting
them will just cause more pain. They can help you get through this.”
Jessica stared out the window, hearing
the words but not quite accepting. Slowly, however, the words filtered through
the mass of confusion in her subconscious. The words were soothing, comforting.
They were exactly what she longed to hear.
“And if you ever want someone to
talk to…I practically live here,” Pam’s mouth spread into a
rueful smile.
“Thanks Pam,” her whisper
was barely audible.
Afraid her words hadn’t helped Pam
asserted, “Jessica, it is okay to be afraid. And it is okay to be weak.
It’s impossible to get through this alone. You have someone who loves you
very much. Even I can see how much he loves you and how much he wants and needs
to talk to you. He is probably feeling as helpless as you are at the moment.”
Jessica’s face crumpled again at the
thought of the man she loved being in as much pain as her. It was exactly what
she had been so desperate to prevent.
Pam’s final words were imploring.
“Talk to him.”
End
of part 10.
Title: Losing Streak Part 11
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note:
Thanks for Jessica and Andrea and Erica HUGE thanks to those gals for
their feedback and their support and help! Thank you all so much! And everyone
at the JSMB thank you so much for replying and responding to my story the way
you all have! I can tell ya there are NOT many parts left and you will want the
tissues if you’ve been crying in the last few parts! LOL! I warned you!
Anyways thanks again and keep sending the feedback to [email protected]
Summary: You know the drill!
Disclaimer: Same as always! Nothings changed!
“Losing Streak” Part 11
Same day...
Tina slipped into the back of the courtroom
and listened to the judge drone his instructions to the jury. It was obvious
the crusty old judge would rather be anywhere else but in that courtroom and it
was common knowledge that he hated defence attorneys more than Jessica hated
rats. The studio certainly hadn’t been lucky in his appointment to this
trial. The jury shifted uncomfortably on the hard wooden benches, attempting to
concentrate on what the judge was saying in his bored monotone. Only one juror
had had the foresight to bring a cushion to sit on and the others now sent her
dirty looks as she played restlessly with her pen and notebook.
Tommy Silva eventually stood and delivered a smooth
opening argument. Tina was impressed with his performance. And it was a
performance. His voice evoked despair when he spoke of Ryan’s making of
his first debut album. And he had the jury sending the plaintiff looks of
sympathy when he outlined the defence’s dismal performance during the
trial.
“It is because of the negligent actions of this
studio that Ryan Cabrera and Mrs. Keireth don’t have any music, lyrics or
label to work at making him a singer.” Tina grinned openly at the blatant
lie. The jury began to lose interest in the lawyer as the opening argument
crossed the ten minute mark. Finally, Silva began to slow and again he spoke
emotionally of his client. “Mrs. Keireth and Ryan Cabrera have lost so
much, it is time to give them something back. Give them the satisfaction that
these negligent producers will pay for their mistakes.”
They were powerful words, but Nick sent Ellenor an
encouraging “go get em” look as she stood up and looked at each
jury member in turn, “Well Mr. Silva just conjured up a nice image for
you but if you believed that you may as well believe in the tooth fairy.”
Tina held back a grimace. Ostracising the opposition was never a good beginning
to a trial. Nick’s impassive face was turned towards the jury and he
reacted to Ellenor’s opening sentence with a tiny smile, the corners of
his eyes wrinkling with amusement. Ellenor moved on to a summary of what
happened in the studio. Her voice was forceful but she simply stated the facts
and was finished in 8 minutes, allowing the jury to breathe a collective sigh
of relief. Tina watched Silva. Who would he call first.
“The plaintiff calls Mrs. Keireth.”
***
“How did it go?” Jessica asked worriedly
as Nick and Tina walked into her hospital room. She had spent the remainder of
the morning doing what Pam had suggested and was writing in a journal. She had
just finished her tenth page when they had arrived. Nick pulled off his jacket
and loosened his tie before kissing his wife tenderly.
“Good. Ellenor was...Ellenor.”
“Is that good or bad?” She frowned.
“Good. We’re cross examining Barbara after
lunch.”
Jessica looked at Tina for her agreement. She conceded
with a nod.
“And Silva?” She questioned.
Nick grinned, “He was reckless in his opening
argument. He painted a lovely picture of Barbara and Ryan as grieving young
people who were new to this business and desperate to make him a star.”
“What!?” Jessica’s outrage flashed
in her eyes. “They both are the biggest...” it didn’t take
her long to search for the right word. “...losers and that is NOT the
word I wanted to use!”
“We get to cross examine her next and if all
goes well, the jury will see the truth.”
“I hope Ellenor does a good job,” Jessica
agonized.
“Oh ye of little faith,” Ellenor chastised
Jessica as she walked into the room. “I’m prepared for this.”
“I’m not criticising,” Jessica
replied defensively. “I’m just saying…”
“You’re just saying you don’t trust
me,” Ellenor teased. “How are you feeling?”
Jessica thought about the ups and downs of the morning
but chose to respond with a simple, “I’m fine.”
Nick narrowed his eyes, hearing something more in her
tone. He didn’t want to push it in front of everybody but he had heard a
hint of hopelessness that concerned him. She had decided to go ahead with
treatment, and he knew that her decision was still bothering her. He knew all
too well that she was in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t
situation.
“Are you ready for this afternoon?” The
topic of the trial was much safer to discuss than her wellbeing and since Nick
was beginning to look at her with a sense of concern, a change of topic was
needed.
“I’m ready Jessica,” Ellenor replied
patiently. “Don’t worry.”
Jessica smiled ruefully. It would be nice if she could
stop worrying. Peaceful. If only it was possible.
“How long do you think Silva will take?”
“Who knows? I think he’s itching to cross
examine Nick, so I doubt he’ll take long,” Ellenor replied.
“And if it were me I wouldn’t want the jury thinking about Mrs. Keireth’s
personality for too long or Ryan’s.”
Jessica pulled a face, “Neither would I.”
Ellenor grinned.
“How’s Justin?” Jessica wanted to
know.
“Well he’s stopped looking like death
warmed u-” Ellenor gulped back the final word, her eyes wide with regret.
“I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me.”
“Oh for gods sake!” Jessica retorted.
“Don’t write me off just yet!”
Ellenor glanced at Nick uncomfortably,
“I’m sorry,” she replied softly. “None of us really
know how to react...”
“You should treat me normally, that’s how
you should react!” She climbed out of bed and disappeared into the
bathroom with a hurried, “Excuse me.”
Nick sighed and followed her, closing the door behind
them. Tina looked at Ellenor without saying anything. She knew that Jessica was
still unsure of this new situation, she had been acting strangely all day. But
she also knew that if anyone could put things right, it was Nick.
“You okay?” Nick asked as Jessica splashed
water on her face.
“I’m sick of everyone asking that!”
she snapped, reaching for a towel.
“We ask because we care about you.”
“If everybody really cared about me they
wouldn’t censor what they say to protect me!”
Nick considered her words. “I don’t think
we’re protecting you as much as we’re protecting ourselves.”
He replied eventually.
Jessica turned to face him, her eyes searching his
face. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged, “Don’t be.”
“I’ve been...” she sighed.
“What?” Nick asked, stroking her cheek
affectionately.
She smiled sadly, “I don’t know...this is
too much...” her head dropped in defeat.
Nick lifted her chin with a finger and looked
her in the eyes. His tender concern drew tears from her eyes once more.
“Talk to me,” he pleaded.
Jessica traced her finger down him arm, a look
of utter desolation in her eyes, “I’m so scared.” Her whisper
was barely audible but her words echoed loudly in Nick’s ears. Nick was
surprised by the change of emotions, remembering how cheerful she had been that
morning...nervous about the trial but in good spirits. He should have known
that she was just putting on a brave front and chastised himself for being so
busy with the trial to miss the signs. He wrapped his arms around her and she
buried her head in his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt and sobs
racking her body.
“I know but I’m here for you,” Nick
told her, kissing the top of her head.
Jessica’s words were muffled through his
shirt, “But I’m scared for the studio...an...and you”. Her
last words were choked out.
Nick found tears clouding his own eyes. “You
don’t have to be scared for me.”
Jessica reached for a tissue and loudly blew
her nose, “I just hate having to put you through this...again...I
don’t want to...I hate hurting you.” She bent down to pick up the
towel she had dropped. Nick took it from her and folded it. She watched him
anxiously.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and finally raised
his eyes to meet hers, “I won’t lie. This is...hard.”
Jessica dropped her head, his words confirming her
worst fears.
His next words echoed hollowly within the bathroom.
“I hate seeing you so...” he closed his eyes.
“Vulnerable.”
She recoiled as though physically injured. The word
destroyed all the resolve she had spent the morning developing. “I just
want to be me again.” she told him forlornly.
“One day you will be and I’ll be right
here helping you,” he replied. “We just need think
positively.”
“How can you be so damn optimistic about
this?” Jessica asked, her sadness giving way to frustration.
He wiped away the tears with his thumb,
“There’s no point dwelling on what could happen. I love you and
that’s all I need to think about right now.”
There was a soft knock on the door and Tina (having
lost the toss of the coin with Ellenor) called, “Nick? We have to
go.”
Nick put his hand to Jessica’s cheek
and she closed her eyes, leaning into the warmth. “Okay. Give me a
second,” he called back. He turned back to Jessica, “We’ll
talk about this tonight.”
She nodded.
“I love you. No matter what.”
She nodded, eyes downcast.
“I love you,” he repeated, kissing her
tenderly on the forehead. He waited for the reply that wasn’t going to
come and with a soft sigh opened the door. As he stepped out into the room he
finally heard what he’d been listening for. “Love you.” she
whispered.
***
Ellenor stood, buttoning up her jacket as she did so.
The quiet in the courtroom was so complete, the soft squeak of her shoes could
be heard as they crossed the polished floor. Her eyes were narrowed, focussed
completely on the woman in the witness chair. Silva watched Ellenor calmly, but
the neurons were firing rapidly in his brain. He had warned his client
repeatedly of the traps that Ellenor might attempt to catch her in, but feared
the woman would easily fall prey to this zealous attorney.
“Mrs. Keireth,” Ellenor began and so did
the rest of their day.
***
Jessica chewed the rubbery hospital food
without noticing its lack of taste. What a day, she thought. Still recovering
from the emotional rollercoaster of the morning, she dreaded the conversation
she was sure to have with Nick. But thanks to Pam, she’d finally sorted
out most of what she was feeling and her journal was also half full of random
thoughts and emotions, which had helped tremendously. But she knew that the
pages of the journal wouldn’t prepare her for the exhaustive, intimate
questions that Nick would ask.
When the object of her thoughts arrived she pushed the
plate aside. Nick screwed up his nose when he saw it, “That looks like
something I’d cook.”
“Tastes like it too,” Nick returned with a
smirk.
He leaned down and kissed her nose, “No dessert
for you tonight.”
She laughed. “How did it go?”
He shrugged, “As expected.”
“What happened?”
“Ellenor was great. But so was so was
Silva.” He shrugged. “It’s hard to say what the jury are
thinking at this stage.”
Jessica sent him a worried look, “But we
were counting on doing some damage with Barbara.”
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll be
fine,” his tone was filled with an assurance he didn’t feel.
She let the issue drop for the moment certain her mom
would give her better details. “The doctor’s signing my discharge
forms and then we can go.”
“Okay. Are you packed?’
She pointed to the overnight bag by the door.
“Well someone’s eager to get home. I
wonder why.” Seeing his smug grin she couldn’t help but laugh.
“Well someone else is going to be disappointed
tonight,” she returned.
“Did you know Cleopatra gave every man in her
army blowjobs before they went out to war,” he announced suddenly.
After again bursting into laughter, she replied in an
incredulous voice, “Really?”
He grinned, “Yeah...like a thousand of
them.”
“And you’re telling me this
because...?”
“Well I might be testifying tomorrow,” he
replied seriously.
She slapped him playfully on the arm, her expression
full of disgust, “Someone is not only going to be disappointed but
they’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.”
He shrugged nonchalantly, “Well it was worth a
shot.”
She was about to reply when the doctor’s voice
interrupted them, “Jessica, everything’s signed. I’ll see you
next week.”
She welcomed the interruption with a grateful smile,
“Thanks.”
“And I’ll be in touch about the results to
those tests.”
She nodded and turned back to Nick, lacing her fingers
through his, “Let’s go home.”
It was only when they were walking down the sterile
corridor that something occurred to her. “Baby?”
“Hmmm?”
“Should I be worried about where you read that
about Cleopatra?”
***
Nick was loading the dishwasher a few hours
later when the phone rang. His father’s voice filled him with remorse.
John had called many times, leaving messages on the machine, and Nick had
guiltily failed to return any of his calls. He knew how much his dad
loved Jessica and just couldn’t face admitting to him that they might
lose her.
“So either your house was fumigated and you
needed to move out or you’ve been avoiding me,” the cheerful voice
began.
Nick grinned. He missed their regular Sunday lunches.
“Neither. Actually I was going to call you.”
“How’s Jessie?”
Nick sighed. He could no longer hide the truth,
“That’s what I was going to call you about.”
The voice changed abruptly from cheerful to concerned,
“What’s wrong?”
“She had some tests done two days ago...just to
make sure she was progressing. The cancer has spread, Dad. They say that the
prognosis isn’t good.”
Nick was silent.
“Dad?”
“I’m sorry Nick. How are
you...uh...?”
“I’m...we’re coping. I’m here
for her.” Neither was used to being candid about their feelings and
awkwardness reigned. Their painful experience had built barriers between them
and even now, so many years after their loss, conversations came to a screaming
halt; neither wanted to inflict pain on the other with their memories and
neither able to find the right words to provide comfort.
“I’m...so sorry. Do you need me
to...uh...to do anything?”
Nick swallowed, this was more awkward than
he could ever have imagined. “Come and visit on Sunday. I’ll make
Jessie cook lunch and we can catch up.” He joked half-heartedly.
“I’d like that.” John cleared his
throat. “And the trial?”
The safe topic was welcomed eagerly by both,
“It’s going well. Silva will hopefully rest tomorrow so we’ll
begin our case the next day. I’ll probably be testifying first and then
Jess.”
“Will she be okay?”
“Yeah...she’s strong.” The pride in
his voice was unmistakeable.
“Well give her my love.”
“I will.”
“And you take care too.”
“Thanks Dad. You too.”
They hung up the phone, the air resonating with
unspoken thoughts.
It wasn’t until Jessica and Nick were getting to
bed that he broached the topic that had been plaguing her all day. It was a day
for difficult conversations, Nick thought ruefully. “How’re you
doing?” he asked gently.
She instinctively pulled the covers up to her chest as
though to prevent her true feelings escaping and lay down, head turned away
from him. Unable to lie to him or herself about her feelings she remained
silent.
Nick watched her silently before continuing,
“You sounded so relaxed this morning...I thought you were happy about
your decision...I guess I’m confused.”
“You and me both,” she replied sadly.
“Tell me.”
Tell me. Everybody had been uttering those words
lately. She breathed deeply, taking in Nick’s unmistakeable scent that
was infused into her pillow. It was luxurious to be in their bed after two
nights in hospital. To be able to lie next to Nick and touch him when she
needed reassurance in the night.
“Baby?” he took her hand, holding it as
though it was the one precious link between them.
“I...” she took a deep breath and turned
her head to him. “This scares the hell out of me.” There. The words
had been said.
Now that she had started it was easy to keep talking,
it was almost a relief to share feelings she had been shielding from everybody,
even herself. “I hate putting you through this, I’m terrified of
hurting you again...I just want us to be normal...and I’m not ready to
die...I don’t want to leave all this behind!” She felt like a broken
record. How many times had she said those words in the last two days? Repeating
them had made them much easier to say but not easier to accept.
“You won’t die.” He still held
obstinately to his ever diminishing optimism.
“Baby...we have to accept...”
“Then why are you continuing treatment if you
are so certain?” he asked, frustrated.
She knew the answer, but paused, wondering how to
express it. “For you,” she finally replied. “I have to try
for you.”
He loosened his vice-like grip on her hand, taking a
deep breath. “You have to do it for you.”
“But I am doing it for me...” she
struggled for the words to explain. “You are such a huge part of who I
am...you are me.”
Her words spread warmth through his body and he lay
down, spooned against her, his body enclosing hers protectively, “You
have to believe.” His breath tickled her ear.
“I just want to be normal again.”
“You will be.”
Nick heard all her doubts voiced in her silence and
assured her, “You will be.”
Jessica squeezed his hand; her action telling him she
needed and appreciated his comfort. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek
before switching off the light.
***
Trial continued early the next morning.
Jessica’s arrival at the courthouse was greeted with excitement and giant
hugs from Ellenor and Justin and she was thrilled to be back among the action
again. If only the circumstances had been different.
The plaintiff continued their case, calling Mike
Maguire to the stand. (He was another worker on the album for Ryan) Ashlee who
was again watching gave him a ‘good luck’ smile as he walked past
her.
Silva stood up and swaggered over to the stand.
“Mr. Maguire, can you tell the jury the details
of my client’s?”
“Sure…” And day two began for them
all.
Next day...
The plaintiff rested early that morning and the judge
looked with dislike at the defense. The jury shifted in their seats, glad that
half the trial was already over, looking forward to getting out of the stuffy
courtroom and into the rare sunny winter day.
Ellenor stood up and declared, “The defense
calls Nicholas Lachey” and both Ashlee and Tina crossed their fingers.
They watched as Nick walked up to the stand, radiating confidence. His dark
blue suit and blue shirt made even Tina and Ashlee think “Wow” and
the redhead in the gallery that had been devouring him with her eyes for the
last two days suddenly sat up and paid attention.
Nick sat in the chair and adjusted the microphone.
“Do you swear to tell the truth, whole truth and
nothing but the truth so help you God?”
“I do.”
Ashlee watched the jury intently as Ellenor
began, “Let’s talk about your wife.”
Jessica closed her eyes and hoped that her
support was reaching him across the courtroom. She wanted to be up there with
him, holding his hand, offering encouragement and support for the difficult
questions. And she knew the next morning would signal the beginning of her turn
on the stand and Nick would feel exactly the same things she was feeling now.
“We have already heard that Mrs. Lachey was
diagnosed with ovarian cancer the day before the beginning of the album was to
start work. How did you react to the news?”
“I was numb. It didn’t
really register at first. When it did I was shocked.”
“Why did you continue working on
this client? Couldn’t you have passed it on to someone else in the
studio?”
“I insisted on keeping it. I knew
it better than anybody and thought it would be detrimental to him if someone
else took over. Our work was thin enough as it was without adding to it.”
“What state of mind were you in
for the work on the album?”
“I was still a little numb, but I
remained focussed on the job we had to do.”
“Is cancer a sensitive issue with
you?”
Nick took a deep breath and looked to
Jessica for support, “Yes. My mother died of cancer when I was
fifteen.”
“And even with this history, you
felt able to continue?”
“Yes. I knew Ryan well and my
resolve to help him certainly wasn’t weakened by the news.”
“How long have you been in the
music industry?”
“About eight years.”
“And in that time have you ever
been accused of not doing your best whatever the situation maybe?”
“No.”
“Never?”
“Never.”
“In fact you’ve often been
accused of trying too hard to get what you need finished and completed?”
“Yes. Some dislike my tactics, but
I believe that I must do everything I can to get what I want or what I need
done.”
“And you think this is one of
these instances?”
“Yes. We were already
disadvantaged by what we were dealing with and where is would lead us.”
“At this stage you passed the job
onto a partner in the studio?”
“Yes. Mrs. Keireth wasn’t
happy with how the progress was going and was threatening to fire us. And
instead I suggested Drew Lachey take over. She agreed.”
“How did you feel about passing
over the job?”
“I knew that she would be in the
hands of a very experienced musical artsist. I trust Mr. Lachey
completely.”
“Great. Thank you.”
Silva stood up slowly, relishing the
opportunity to open up the unexplored depths of Nick’s heart. His tone
was hostile and challenging. “You turned off the life support on your
mother didn’t you Mr. Lachey?”
“Objection! Relevance!”
Ellenor jumped out of her seat.
“It goes to his state of mind
during the trial,” Silva argued.
The judge nodded, “Objection
overruled. Answer the question Mr Lachey.”
Nick took a deep breath, determined not to
be drawn into the fight. Jessica had always told him he needed to control his
temper, maybe now was a good time to begin. “Yes.”
“And you were fifteen?”
“Yes.”
“That must have been a very
traumatic experience.”
“Yes it was.”
“In fact you don’t talk
about it very much do you?”
“It happened more than 10 years
ago.”
“But you’ve seen first hand
the grief of losing a spouse.”
Nick paused, thanking God his father
couldn’t get off work to come and watch the trial. “Yes.”
“What type of cancer does you wife
have?”
“Ovarian cancer.”
“And what is the chance of
surviving ovarian cancer?”
“If it’s caught early, the
prognosis is good.”
“And if it’s not?”
Nick’s voice dropped into a
whisper, “I believe the survival rate is only 15%.”
A lump had developed in Jessica’s
throat and she attempted to swallow it. Nick didn’t need this now. How
dare Silva go after him like that! How dare he reopen those wounds! She seethed
as the questions continued. Never had she felt more exposed to the world.
“And was your wife’s cancer
diagnosed early?”
Nick momentarily closed his eyes,
“No.”
“So although you have unresolved
grief over your mother’s death and a very slim chance of your wife
surviving cancer you still remained focus on the work for the album. You must
be a remarkable man.”
“Objection!” Ellenor fumed.
“You’re objecting to him
being remarkable?” Silva grinned.
“I’m objecting to what
you’re implying,” Ellenor spat back.
“Sustained.”
“Well finally!” Ellenor
muttered to Jessica as she sat back down. Jessica didn’t hear her, her
ears focussed on the continuing barrage of questions.
“So you began working on
it.” Silva continued without any loss of rhythm.
“Yes.”
“And what happened next?”
“We tried the album as best we
could.”
Silva’s tirade continued. After
fully exhausting the topic of the trial he turned back to his favourite
subject. Jessica.
“When did you get married?”
“Last October.”
“You’re newlyweds.”
Nick smiled softly. “Yes.”
“Do you love your wife?”
“More than anything.”
Redirect failed to heal the new wounds
and a very sorry group left the courthouse at lunchtime.
“I was terrible,” Nick
sighed.
Jessica hooked her arm through his,
“No you weren’t.”
“He walked all over me.”
“Well he had a lot of material to
work with,” she replied with a small smile.
He looked at her, hurt, “Thanks
baby. Just what I need to hear.”
She rested her head against his
shoulder.
“How are you feeling?” he
asked with concern.
“Tired.”
“The judge might let us adjourn
for today,” Ellenor suggested worriedly.
“No I’m fine. I may as well
get it over and done with.”
Ellenor looked once at Nick for
agreement and took a deep breath. “Okay. I hope Mark’s
ready.”
“Ms. Dole,” Mark began.
There were rustles from spectators as they settled back down after lunch. He
waited for silence to once again settle on the room before continuing.
“You spent a lot of time working with Mrs. Keireth?”
“Yes. Certainly not by
choice,” she remarked with a quick glance at Nick.
“Did you feel positive about
making a successful album?”
“Yes and no. “
“We have already heard that the
week before trial you were diagnosed with cancer. How did you react to that
news?”
“I went blank. I couldn’t
really take it in.”
“How long did this last?”
“I started thinking about it more
seriously that night. I guess I came to terms with it. We were feeling positive
at that stage. The doctors assured us that with surgery I had a good chance and
besides, many people get cancer these days...it doesn’t automatically
mean death.” The words sounded like lies as they tumbled out and she was
certain the jury would see through her false optimism, but they were looking at
her with interest, sympathy even. Even the judge was eyeing her with an
expression of sympathy overriding the usual grimace. Maybe he had a heart after
all she thought with wonder.
Mark continued a little bit more but not
for long and then finished up. “Thank you.”
“Mrs. Lachey, I’m sorry about your
cancer,” Silva’s voice was thick with false sympathy.
“I’m sure you are,”
Jessica replied snidely.
“I just have a few quick questions
for you. From your perspective, how did your husband take the news?”
“He took it well. This upcoming
album was not lost through any lack of concentration, but because your client
was not forthcoming with many important factors.”
“He wasn’t affected?”
“Of course he was affected, but
his work was not.”
“Okay.” Tommy Silva could
see he wasn’t getting anywhere, he could see the sympathy in the
juror’s eyes and knew they would hate him more if he questioned her the
way he questioned Nick. They wouldn’t forgive him for doing that to a
cancer patient. He walked back to his chair, “I’m sorry about your
illness Mrs. Lachey. I hope you and your husband can have this weight taken off
your mind.”
Jessica seethed at his little remark.
She wished Ellenor would say something but knew there would be no point in
doing so. She stepped down from the chair and slid next to Nick, feeling as
though she had run a marathon. She felt slightly dizzy and closed her eyes
briefly to regain some composure. Nick saw the tiredness in her face and wanted
to whisk her home and put her to bed, but Ellenor was already calling Drew. He
put his arm around her shoulder instead, and under the unrelenting gaze of the
jury, she rested her head on his shoulder. She just wanted this to be over.
***
Two days later...
Nick took Jessica’s hand and squeezed
it tightly. The previous two days in court had been stressful on Jessica to say
the least. The pleas from Nick, Justin and Drew to go home and rest had fallen
flat and she remained stubbornly in her seat. But the exhaustion showed all too
clearly on her face. Her skin was pale and dark circles formed a halo around
her eyes. Feeling Nick’s large, warm hands envelope her own she weakly
squeezed back as they waited breathlessly for the result.
“We the jury find in favour of the
defendant.”
The words were spoken so quickly,
Jessica didn’t register that they had won until the others began to jump
up and down. Her body felt weak all over and a deep, overwhelming pain in her
abdomen began to pulsate. She felt her heart beat faster and her breath become
shallow. Nick sat quietly beside her, still holding her hand. She turned to him
and saw the tears shining in his eyes.
“We won,” he said, shaking
his head with disbelief.
She nodded, waiting for the throbbing
pain to subside. When it didn’t she turned to Nick and using all her
remaining strength, whispered, “Baby.” She could barely be heard
above the raucous cheering around her. He leaned closer to hear her next words.
“Take me back to the
hospital.”
End of part 11.
Title: Losing Streak Part 12
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: I can’t say
thank you enough times but I’ll say it again anyways! Thank you all for
all this feedback it’s phenomenal! Thanks so much to everyone on the JSMB
who has posted replies and support and Jessica, ANDREA! Erica and everyone else
who has helped me thank you! Feedback can be sent to [email protected]
Summary: Same ole’ same ole’
Disclaimer: Same as always!
“Losing Streak” Part 12
The young doctor’s voice was soft,
sympathetic. “Mr. Lachey, a dangerous side effect of chemotherapy is that
it kills rapidly dividing cells, which includes bone marrow. Now bone marrow
produces the white cells that ward off infections, so our chemotherapy patients
have fewer defences against infection and they are more susceptible to things
like common viruses. The stress of the last few days has added to that lowered
immunity and as a result your wife has caught the flu. In her condition, we
have to take infections such as these very seriously, so I’d like to keep
her in hospital for at least a few days. We’ll do everything we can for
her.”
Nick leaned against the wall, eyes
closed. The man could have been speaking Japanese for all he understood. The
doctor waited awkwardly for him to respond and after a long silence, Nick
finally opened his eyes. “Where is she?” he asked hoarsely.
The doctor pointed. “This
way.”
Nick followed him blindly to a dark room
where green lights flashed silently on various pieces of medical equipment.
Jessica was sleeping soundly; her body was covered with a blanket, but her thin
shape was all to clear beneath it. Sitting quietly next to the bed, he took her
hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it softly. He wanted to beg her to
get better, assure her that he was here, but words refused to form on his lips.
The doctor cleared his throat.
“I’ll be in and out tonight checking on her. Call if you need
me.”
Nick nodded, eyes still focussed on
Jessica. He barely heard the retreating footsteps over Jessica’s rasping
breath. The scenario was all too familiar. Flashes of his mother’s
illness flew by. The darkness of the room, the hiss of the respirator, the
burning smell of disinfectant intermingled with his father’s favourite
cologne.
“Baby?”
Relief breathed light into his gloom. He
squeezed her hand. “Hey.”
Her hand was clammy and weakly squeezed
back. Slowly, painfully her eyes opened.
“Do you need me to call the
doctor?” he asked.
Her head moved slightly from side to
side. “What did he say?” she whispered, reaching painfully for a
glass of water on the tray by the bed.
He smiled wryly, “You’ve
caught the flu.”
“I’m in hospital because I
have a cold?” she asked faintly.
“Your immune system isn’t
doing its job. They need to keep an eye on you. How do you feel?”
“I’m tired, everything is
aching.”
“Just rest.” He pulled the
blankets back up over her body and tucked her in tightly.
“Baby,” she whispered
again as he leaned over and kissed her lovingly on the forehead.
“Yeah?”
“I should call my parents.”
“I’ll do it,” he
offered.
She attempted a smile, “You
don’t have to.”
He laughed softly, “I’ve
called them before I think I can do it again.”
“Don’t let my father scare
you.”
“He doesn’t scare me!”
he argued, affronted.
She laughed and he felt goose bumps rise
on his arms...there was nothing he wouldn’t give to hear her laugh like
she used to. She nodded sleepily, her good mood disintegrating into exhaustion.
“Sleep well,” he whispered.
When he was certain she was asleep he walked into the well lit passageway of
the hospital. He looked around for a quiet corner and pulled out his cell
phone.
“Hello?” The voice that
answered was an older version of Jessica’s, age beginning to increase its
pitch and cause words to quaver slightly. Nick smiled when he heard it, as
always unable to believe how alike Jessica and her mother sounded.
“Tina, its Nick,”
“Nick! How wonderful to hear from
you. How’s Jessie? I’ve been meaning to invite both of you to
lunch. Are you free this weekend?”
“Uh...no...we probably won’t
be able to make it for lunch...Jessica’s back in hospital.”
“What happened?” her voice
was now clearly trembling.
“She’s just weak...the trial
took a lot out of her and she’s developed another infection.”
“Does she want me there with
her?” There was something in her tone that threw him. She sounded
inconvenienced.
“She’s asleep now,”
Nick explained. “Come in tomorrow, she’d love to see you.”
“Does Joe know?”
“I’m about to call him.”
“Okay. Good. Thanks for calling,
honey. Take care of her.”
He leaned his head against the wall,
wanting to explain how he wished he could take care of her, but it was out of
his hands. It made him feel so damn helpless. He hung up the phone and dialled
Jessica’s father’s number.
“Hello.”
“Joe...uh...it’s
Nick.”
“Is something wrong?”
“She’s been admitted back
into hospital...she’s caught another infection and the doctors are
worried her immune system won’t be able to deal with it.” His voice
sounded distant to him, the words sounding sterile as they emerged mechanically
from his mouth.
“How did this happen?” the
familiar accusatory tone was back.
Nick felt his face grow hot,
couldn’t this man for once stop blaming him for everything that went
wrong in his daughter’s life. “She insisted on going to court for
the trial...it was all too much for her...but you know how she is...so
stubborn.”
“You should have made her stay
home.”
“I can’t make her do
anything she doesn’t want to do. She’s not a child, she makes her
own decisions.” Nick argued irritably.
Joe
Simpson took a deep breath
and continued in a more normal voice, “What are the doctors
saying?”
“They want to keep for a few days
to try to control the infection.”
“Well tell her...” his voice
softened, “Tell her I love her. And I’ll be there as soon as I can
get a flight out of New York.”
“Sure.”
Nick hung up the phone, resisting the
urge to pound it against the wall. He walked tiredly back into Jessica’s
room, hoping for some peace and quiet but instead met by a crowd of colleagues.
Jessica was awake and smiling tiredly at
something Lea was saying, while Justin, Jeff and Drew were heatedly discussing
something else in the corner. As soon as they saw him pandemonium broke out.
“Have you heard what Justin thinks
we should do?” Jeff began, rolling his eyes.
“Look Jeff, it was just a
suggestion-” Justin stepped in, red faced.
Jeff ignored him, “He thinks we
should sue Silva for legal costs, citing that Silva has a vendetta against the
firm.”
“Not a bad idea,” Nick said
quietly.
Jeff’s eyes widened and Justin
grinned.
“But if I ever see Silva again I
might kill him, so probably not something we should pursue.” He walked
over to Jessica’s bed and took her hand once more. Lea rubbed his
shoulder comfortingly and he smiled to himself. She always knew the right thing
to do.
“I called them,” he told
Jessica quietly.
She nodded, “Thanks. Did Dad bite
your head off?”
“Almost,” he grinned
suddenly.
“He doesn’t mean to be
so...”
“Arrogant? Uncompromising?
Unforgiving?” he supplied.
“Yeah...all of those...and
more.” She closed her eyes and after a pause opened them again.
“I’m so tired. Can you...” she looked at the group standing
chatting by the door.
He nodded, understanding and turned to
his colleagues. “Guys...Jess needs to rest. Can you come back
tomorrow?”
After quick hugs and goodbyes they were
gone and Nick was left alone with a sleeping Jessica, and once again left
immersed in his own thoughts. More than anything he needed a distraction and
was relieved when he heard a voice interrupt the quiet of the room.
“I left my keys up here,”
Lea apologized, grabbing them from the table by Jessica’s bed.
Nick rubbed his face tiredly, wanting to ask
her to stay but not sure how to do it. She saw the action and hesitated,
“Do you want some company?” she asked.
He stared at her for a second, still
amazed that she always knew, “Yeah.”
“Do you want to get a
coffee?”
“No...I want to be here if she
wakes up.”
“Nick you should get out of here
for a little while. You need to get some fresh air...or at least different air.
She worries about you when you spend all your time holed up here.”
Nick sighed, the last thing he wanted was
Jessica worrying about him. With one final look to make sure Jessica was
comfortable, he stood and followed Lea down to the cafeteria.
“What did the doctor say?”
she asked when they each had a cup of coffee in front of them.
Nick shook his head tiredly, “Just
that she’s caught the flu or something...and they need to keep an eye on
her.”
“She shouldn’t have pushed
herself.” Lea muttered.
Nick stared into his coffee, as though
looking for answers. “Nobody could have stopped her.”
Lea sighed, understanding.
“How’s your dad taking this?”
“He’s...god I don’t
think he believes it...both of us...you know?”
“Does he know?”
“Not about this...I should call
him...” Nick swallowed, knowing he had put off the phone call because he
knew how difficult it would be.
“You should talk to him,”
Lea suggested softly.
“I know.”
“He knows what you’re going
through.”
Nick closed his eyes. He hated even
thinking about the similarities between what happened to his mother and what
was happening now. He felt solidarity with his father, both having watched
their wives struggle with cancer. But he wasn’t ready to acknowledge that
they may soon share another, heartbreaking connection. Besides, although his
father did know what Nick was going through, it didn’t matter when they
couldn’t talk about it. The conversation had been locked away in a safe
for so long, they no longer held the key. Yet he saw in his father’s eyes
how much he needed to talk about it and he knew the desire was reflected in his
own eyes. Their minds were willing, but their hearts were not.
“Call him, Nick.”
Sensing that he needed to be alone to
gather the courage, she drained her coffee, “I’ll talk to you
tomorrow.” She squeezed his shoulder, leaving him lost in thought.
***
Jessica
or “Cooper” as they all called her walked in the door, having heard from Tina who had
called her what had happened. (She got on the first flight to go see her best
friend) She looked around angrily for Nick, ready to give him a piece of her
mind for not calling her sooner, but other than Jessica, the room was empty.
She took a seat and watched her best friend. She was the only real best friend
she’d ever had. She remembered the day she had met Jessica. On their
first day of third grade Cooper had gone with her friend and found Jessica
sitting in a chair in the corner by herself reading a text book. That day
Cooper’s friend got into a fight and didn’t want to be her friend
anymore because she “made a better friend” and Jessica had been
there with tissues, and a shoulder to cry on. They had been best friends ever
since. Jessica had always been there for her to lean on, she couldn’t
bear to think what it would be like not to have her. She had no one else she
trusted as much, no one else she respected as much.
“You damn well have to get better
Jessica or you’ll have me to deal with.” Cooper told her,
pretending to be angry.
Nick heard her as he walked into the
room. “I think what she needs now is support.”
Cooper’s eyes flashed angrily, “I
think what I needed was a phone call! Why didn’t you call me? I heard the
news from Tina who called me. Dammit Nicholas, you’re not the only one
who-” she broke off when she saw the hurt in his eyes. She swore at
herself and walked out of the room, needing breathing space to control her
anger.
Silence.
Within seconds she had returned,
“Nick...I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You’ve been here for every
other major event in our life, do you blame me for wanting to do this
alone?” he said. It was intended as a joke, but instead he sounded
bitter.
“She’s my best
friend...”
“She’s mine too,” Nick
whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Cooper
offered. “Do you want to be alone with her?”
Nick stared at her for a second, realizing
just how selfless her suggestion was. Cooper had every right to be there and he
knew that Jessica would want her close by. Besides, she had the same fears as
he himself did; just having her there would ease the burden upon him.
“No.”
Cooper nodded and sat again. Nick sat
down on Jessica’s other side and they both stared at her for a few
minutes.
“I was just thinking about the
first time I met her,” Cooper told him, a smile spreading across her
face. “I thought she was the most boring person I had ever met.”
“I thought she was the most
amazing woman I’d ever met,” Nick replied.
“You did?”
“Yeah…”
“She’s incredible,”
Cooper sighed.
The sat in comfortable silence: both
fondly remembering the good times and not allowing themselves to consider what
the future could bring. They were happy for the moment; living in the past,
fearing the future.
End of part 12.
Title: Losing Streak Part
13
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Well
there is only one more part after this! I hope y’all enjoyed this story!
I thank you all for the feedback and here you go onto the next part! Please
send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Same as always!
Disclaimer: Not mine not
mine!
“Losing
Streak” Part 13
Two days later...Sunday...
“Dad, you should come to the
hospital.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Jessica....she...she’s
worse, Dad.”
“Oh..........God.”
“She...we both...want to see
you.”
“Is she going to be okay?”
“Dad...just come to the
hospital...please.”
“I’ll be right there.”
***
Jessica’s parents stood over Jessica
while Nick stood by the door. The tension between them filled the room with
negative energy and Nick could barely stand it.
Jessica’s mother finally found her
voice. “Has she woken up?” she asked Nick tearfully.
Nick shook his head. “Not
yet,” he replied hoarsely.
“She doesn’t look good. I
want to speak to the doctor,” Joe commented, sending accusatory scowls in
Nick’s direction.
“He said she’s developed
pneumonia-” Nick began, having already cross examined the doctor that
morning.
“I want to hear it for
myself,” Joe interrupted, brushing past him.
Nick sighed.
“My sister died of ovarian
cancer,” Tina told Nick sadly when Joe was gone. “I sat by her bed,
thinking that this couldn’t be happening to someone I know. And now my
own daughter...I just wasn’t ready to go through all that again.”
She took a white, embroidered handkerchief from her purse and wiped her eyes.
“I’m so sorry Nicholas. This must be so hard for you.”
He concurred with a nod, his anger
towards her ebbing as he realized they were all suffering here. They were all
connected by their love for Jessica and the fear of losing her. They just dealt
with their emotions in different ways.
Tina squeezed Jessica’s hand. She
looked up at Nick with tears running down her face, “I only wish I could
trade places with her.”
Nick was moved by her words. Nick could
understand that defence well. He wanted to assure her that nobody wanted her to
trade places with Jessica, but selfishness prevailed. He would never wish for
Tina to go through what Jessica is going through but he would do anything to
get Jessica back.
An expectant silence filled the room.
Tina, needing reassurance from Nick, waited, her heart breaking with grief.
Tension arose between them.
John Lachey walked into the room,
providing some much needed relief. “How is she?” he asked Nick,
eyes drawn to Jessica.
Nick shook his head, unable to find the
right words. “Pneumonia...they said they’re trying to treat
it...but...its not working...”
It was almost like a shield was slowly
drawn across John’s face. His emotions became guarded, expressions muted.
He was caught in a vortex of memories, the words sounded chillingly similar to
ones he had heard more than twenty years earlier. His heart racing, mouth dry,
he offered the only comfort he could. He put a hand across Nick’s
shoulders, a silent offering of support. “I’m sorry,” he
whispered. He knew that nothing he said would provide relief to his son. But he
would be there in support. His presence alone would be enough.
***
Monday...
Nick sat silently by the bed. Jessica
had only woken up once during the day and he could feel his nerves tense as
each second passed. He needed her to wake up, he needed the reassurance her
sparkling eyes and loving voice gave. But slowly out of that desperation, fear
unlike any other was emerging. What if she didn’t wake up? How could he
live without her? He brought her hand to his lips once again and kissed it. He
was grateful for the solitude.
Jessica’s parents had remained at
the hospital overnight but Joe left in the early hours to go to work. Tina had
decided to stay, but disappeared minutes earlier for coffee. Nick was relieved.
He wanted to talk to Jessica, knowing that on some subconscious level she could
hear him but with Tina in the room his words were left unsaid and instead were
replayed like a broken record in his brain.
Playing with Jessica’s fingers, he
whispered, “I love you.” His words were punctuated only by the
continued whirring of the medical machinery. “This isn’t
fair,” his voice cracked. “It wasn’t meant to happen like
this...”
Jessica stirred as he spoke and his eyes
were immediately drawn to her face. She moaned almost imperceptibly, but his
anxious ears noticed. His shoulders slumped when nothing else happened. There
was the sound of footsteps outside the room, but he ignored them. Jessica's
mother walked in with puffy red eyes.
"Any change?" she whispered
with a croak, clasping Jessica's hand tightly.
"No."
"I just talked to the doctor again.
He said-”
"I know." Nick replied
irritably.
Tina fell silent. She had felt like an
intruder over the last couple of days and her repeated attempts at conversation
were more a last appeal to her son-in-law for acceptance than a need to talk.
She sighed. “Joe said he’d come back this afternoon.”
Nick nodded, his eyes not leaving
Jessica’s face. He heard the quiet sniffles coming from the other side of
the bed and felt his own eyes well up. He hated the waiting. Waiting for tests.
Waiting for treatment. Waiting for results. Waiting for...death? He had to face
the possibility now. He felt Jessica's hand move inside his grip and he
refocussed on her face. Her eyes were open and she attempted to smile at him.
"Hey," she whispered through
dry, cracked lips. Her face was gaunt and shadows encircled her eyes. But she
would always be beautiful to Nick. He tried to feel more positive for her sake
and smiled back, "Hey. How are you feeling?"
"Like I've got something eating all
my organs," she told him with a twisted smile.
He leaned forward and kissed her softly
on the lips, "That was a stupid question."
"And yet you ask it every
day."
He shrugged at her teasing tone. Tina
sat back and watched them talk, smiling softly at their obvious love for each
other. She was amazed by Nick’s change from dejected and irritable to a
man who’s eyes were shining with love and devotion. She wished with all
her heart for a miracle. Jessica turned painfully towards her, "Hi
Mom."
"Hello darling."
"How are you?"
Tina hurriedly wiped the tracks of tears
away and smiled, "I'm fine."
Jessica narrowed her eyes, "You're
lying. Why does everybody lie to me?"
"We don't want to worry you,
darling," Tina replied gently.
"I want to be worried, I want to be
happy, I want...I want to be normal. I hate people treating me as though I'm
made of glass...I want to be normal." Her voice cracked and Tina and Nick
were unsure how to react to this outburst.
"Baby, your Mom's right," Nick
began, stroking her hair. "We just want you to be happy."
"I will be happier if you let me
live a normal life. Please."
"Okay."
Jessica nodded and thought for a second,
searching for a normal topic of conversation, "How's the studio?"
Who cares? Nick thought. Drew had
offered to take over and Nick had hardly heard a word from him all week.
"I don't know. I haven't been in for a few days."
"Really? What's wrong with
you?" she teased.
"I would rather be here with
you."
"You are so sweet. But I'll be
fine. Just give me a couple of days and I'll be running marathons,” she
joked.
Nick was again unsure how to react, the
pain he was feeling was too immense for humour to override it and the look on
Tina's face showed that she was thinking the same thing. Jessica’s eyes
were pleading for a sense of normalcy, for the teasing banter that was so
familiar to them but words failed him. "Marathon's huh?" he asked
flatly.
"Yeah. And then we'll buy a bigger
house, have ten kids and live happily ever after," she continued
wistfully.
Tina covered her face and left the room.
Jessica watched her go and turned back to Nick, "I can't mention kids
these days without making her cry."
Nick
swallowed, feeling his temper rising,
"This is hard on her. You should try to be a little more
considerate."
Jessica’s laugh was humourless and
harsh, "Considerate? I’m dying; do I really have to worry about
making everybody feel good about themselves?"
Something in Nick snapped and his fury
was released, "Yes you do, dammit! You ask us to consider our feelings,
well how about you consider ours!?"
Jessica stared open mouthed as Nick
continued.
"You think this is easy for us? Easy
for me? I get to come to hospital every day and watch a disease take my wife
from me. Well I want normal too! I want to be able to go to the office everyday
with you and not have to worry about cancer and death and hospitals! I want to
be able to forget about my mother's death. I want more! I want my wife back!
But you know what I've learned? I’ve learned that you don't get what you
want in this life. In fact, you tend to get the exact opposite of what you
want. Maybe you should think about that before snidely making comments that
hurt everybody's feelings. Okay?" He stormed out the door and Jessica
watched agape. Nick rushed out of the hospital and sped away in his car. It
felt good to let all his pent up anger out. Without thinking where he was going,
he arrived at the studio.
Jeff looked up with surprise,
"Nick! What are you doing here?"
Lea, Drew and Justin, who had been talking
in the conference room rushed out to see him. They clamoured for news.
"How's Jessica?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Are you okay?"
"Does she want to see us?"
Nick raised his hands, "Everything is
fine….I just needed a break from the hospital…that's all."
"Are you sure everything's
okay?" Lea asked worriedly. Nick hadn't left Jessica’s side in a
week. It was unlike him to desert her now.
"Yes," Jeff interjected, with
narrowing eyes, "Something is wrong…I can sense it."
Nick felt cornered, "We just
had…we had a small fight, that's all."
Four pairs of eyebrows shot up,
"You what!?" Lea shrieked, swatting his arm.
He moved out of swatting range, "I
don't need a lecture, Lea.
"Nick this is not a good time to be
fighting," Drew suggested gently.
"Fighting is a normal part of our
relationship, why should that change now?" he snapped.
"Because..." Lea trailed off,
not wanting to say the words.
"Because you might not have much
time left," Jeff finished matter-of-factly.
The women glared at him for being so
insensitive.
"Thanks, Jeff." Nick responded
bitterly.
Jeff realized his error and sighed,
"Sorry," he offered sympathetically.
Nick nodded and decided that the studio
wasn't the best place for him after all. He left the studio without another
word. As soon as the door closed behind him, the women turned on Jeff.
"What in hell made you say
that?" Lea snapped.
Jeff backed away from them slowly, a
look of terror covering his face.
Cacee swatted him, “You
idiot!”
***
Nick wandered around the city for over an
hour, with no purpose but to distract himself from the inevitable return to
hospital and possibly another argument. It was only as he walked past
Jessica’s favourite jewellery store that he was struck with an idea. He
would need a peace offering when he returned to the hospital that night. He
casually glanced in glimmering shop windows as he passed by. It was pointless
buying her something that she couldn't appreciate right away. Jewellery was too
predictable, furniture out of the question. She needed something she could
enjoy immediately. She didn’t have the concentration or stamina to read a
book and music would be drowned out by regular hospital sounds. Flowers were
nice but would wilt and die and he wanted something that would celebrate life,
not death.
He passed a camera shop and looked
thoughtfully at the picture frames displayed before him. Jessica might like
some nice photos to decorate the hospital room with. The shop bell rung shrilly
as he entered and he quickly picked out four silver frames and took them to the
counter. As he pulled out his wallet, he saw a display of funny photos and a
banner proclaiming a prize for the funniest ones sent to the store. The photos
sent of a chain reaction of thoughts and he approached the counter, mind still
whirring.
"I need a camera too," he told
the short, spectacled salesman.
The man grinned, "Good thing you
came here then," he replied with good humour. "The bicycle store
wouldn't have been able to help you much."
Nick smiled half heartedly.
"What sort of camera do you
need?"
"I don't know. Just a normal
one."
"No such thing anymore. This fully
automatic camera with zoom will cost you about a hundred. This digital camera
will set you back about a thousand dollars."
Nick looked at the two offered. Normally
he’d be curiously playing with each option, testing out the extra
features, but it all seemed irrelevant to him now, "I just need to take
normal photos."
"Then I'd suggest this automatic.
It's a good little camera."
Nick looked at it and shrugged, "It
looks fine to me. I'll take it."
“Pictures last forever,” the
salesman told him solemnly as he handed him the bag. Nick swallowed and whispered
his thanks.
As soon as he got outside he loaded the
camera with film and snapped some pictures of the street. He knew that Jessica
was frustrated at being cooped up inside and he wanted to take photos of all
her favourite places and things to relieve some of that frustration. If Jessica
couldn’t see the world, the world would go to Jessica. He spent the
afternoon happily occupied. When he finally arrived at the hospital he held
freshly developed photos, the frames and most importantly a smile. If the
afternoon away had done anything it had improved his mood.
Her expression was dull when he entered
her room. She appeared bored and angry and snapped her head around when he
walked in.
"Hey," he grinned. "How
are you feeling?"
She was about to let her anger off its
leash but his grin stopped her. Instead she uttered listlessly,
"Horrible."
He smiled again, "I have something
for you."
"Great. Thanks." She took the
parcels he handed to her and placed them on the bedside table without looking
at them.
He swallowed his frustration,
"Baby…I'm sorry about what I said earlier….I've been feeling
so…I don't know….angry,” he stammered. “…it was
just too much. I didn't mean it…I'm sorry."
Jessica closed her eyes. She had been
all prepared to continue their argument, but his words humbled her. "It
wasn't your fault…you were right…I was being selfish and
insensitive. You had every right to be angry."
"Friends?" Nick asked
hopefully.
She nodded, a tired smile finally
appearing on her face, "Friends."
"Now look at your presents."
He ordered.
She peered into one shopping bag,
"Photos?" she flicked through them and laughed. "Oh! I love that
place! And my favourite restaurant!" She flicked through and burst into
laughter, showing Nick a very unflattering photo of Ashlee. The photo had
caught the micro moment of surprised irritation as she saw the camera focussed
on her. Jessica finally turned to him and kissed him softly on the cheek,
"Thank you. You are so thoughtful."
"Your welcome."
She opened the next bag and saw the
photo frames, "Wow. These are beautiful."
"I thought we might decorate this
place a little. I'll bring the albums from home, if you like."
"I’d like that…"
she put the frames down and looked at him thoughtfully. “There's
something I want to do for you too."
A smile played on Nick's lips. He
couldn't imagine what she was talking about.
“I...I want to take your
name.”
His eyes widened when her words sunk in.
He was speechless.
Jessica smiled at his reaction and nodded to
herself, she had made the right decision. “I want to be a Lachey...not
just Jessica Lachey on my bills in the mail and personally I want it
professionally. I don’t want to be Jessica Simpson the singer, I want to
be Jessica Lachey the singer.”
Nick continued to stare. He didn’t
want to think about her reasoning behind the decision. “I...I’d
like that....a lot.”
She smiled again and patted the mattress
next to her. Nick smiled back and hopped into her bed. There was hardly room
for both of them, but Jessica didn't complain; she snuggled against him and
closed her eyes, "Mmmm. I wish we could stay like this forever."
Nick
didn't answer and she glanced up at him
curiously to find that his eyes were filled with tears. "Oh, baby. I'm so
sorry." She held him tighter and rocked him slowly. They were still
wrapped in each other's arms when the nurse walked in two hours later.
***
The room was dark when Jessica woke up.
She could make out Nick’s much loved shape on a reclining chair and his
familiar soft snores sent a warm thrill through her body. But what had woken
her? Soft footsteps walked continuously down the hallway outside, but she had
become used to the regular hospital sounds, so it couldn’t be that. She
was finding it hard to breathe and the pressure in her lungs was immense, but
there was no pain. She lay quietly in bed, enjoying the peace that a cocktail
of drugs brought.
Perhaps a dream had woken her? Had she
been dreaming? She furrowed her brow, straining to remember. But no dreams came
to mind. She used to be a vivid dreamer, both in childhood and adulthood. She
had always been a constant thinker; quiet moments as she lay in bed were always
loud with thoughts, so her dreams gave her an escape from herself. However
since she’d begun treatment her dreams had faded and sleep had become
dark and silent. It was a relief to be able to concentrate on nothing, to be
able to rest her tired mind. But she missed the vibrancy of her dreams. Lying
in bed, the scent and warmth of Nick’s body permeating her subconscious,
ensuring her dreams were fulfilling and peaceful.
Nothing could rest her mind now. It was
wide awake and prepared for some serious thinking. Maybe that’s why she
woke up, she mused, her thoughts were crying out for some attention. Her mind
had actually been whirring all day. Nick’s enraged words had at first
left her incredibly angry. So angry she had wanted to throw things and scream
that she didn’t ask for this. She didn’t choose to become sick and
put him through this pain all over again. But her energy soon failed and the
anger turned into sorrow. Everything he had said was true. She needed to think
about other people. She wasn’t the only one this was hard on. Stomach
churning guilt had soon set in. Next she felt surprise that he was gone so
long. She desperately wanted to see him again, she needed to apologize. But as
the hours crept by she found herself growing angry at him again. He had been by
her side interminably, so much that she had sometimes wanted to scream at him
to leave. And now he had left of his own volition and she didn’t like it
one bit. She wanted him back. How dare he stay away when she needed him?
Her mood when he had returned had been teetering on the border of fury. But his
smile had thrown her. He hadn’t smiled in days. Perhaps he had needed a
break from her as much as she had needed one from him. That realization also
shocked her. Yes, she had needed solitude so that she could work out her
feelings by herself. And she had done that. Recalling how she had felt when he
had returned made the reason for waking at this early hour clearer to her.
There was something she needed to acknowledge.
She watched the shadows pass across the
thin beam of light that seeped from beneath her closed door. Nurses whispered
unhurriedly outside, the night time bringing much needed peace from the never
ending streams of bedpans and complaints. Hospitals were now familiar to
Jessica.
Their short marriage had been just as
blissful. Waking up in his arms morning after morning, hearing his groggy voice
whisper I love you in her ear, making love as the sunlight crept its way across
their bed; the room giving off its own energy and light as it filled with
laughter and moans of delight.
Jessica’s smile faded. No more
would she experience the pure euphoria of making love to the man she loved. No
more would she experience lying languorously in bed, crumbs scattered over the
quilts as they comfortably read the newspaper on a Sunday morning. Parts of her
wanted to be angry, to furiously demand answers from God or Budda or Allah or
whoever was cruelly dictating her future, to ask why they were taking away her
life when she was enjoying it fully for the first time, but instead
tranquillity presided.
She couldn’t lie to herself any
more. In the deepest recesses of her soul she knew that she was going to die
and rather than fight that reality, she accepted it peacefully. Was it relief?
Perhaps. A weight had certainly been lifted from her heart. She also knew it
was thanks. Her life hadn’t necessarily been easy, but she had been given
the greatest gift of all, the gift of love. The love she felt each day not only
from Nick and her family, but Cacee, Drew, Lea, Justin, Jeff and Cooper could
fill a lifetime. She was grateful for that. Some people never experienced such
immense love and support. She was at peace. Having accepted her future she
could now concentrate on what needed to be done. Nick needed peace too. He
needed to know that she had no regrets. That she would always love him and be
there for him. He needed to learn to love life again. She would teach him.
Nick snorted suddenly and moved in his
chair. Jessica focussed her eyes on him, hoping that her love was reaching him
from across the room. He had been amazing over the last few days, jumping to
attention the moment she needed something, but she knew it was becoming all too
much for him. His energy was gone, his optimism had disappeared and she could
see in his eyes that he had guessed the inevitable ending to the story...but he
still hadn’t come to terms with it. Tears painfully pricked her dry eyes.
She had to help him to accept it. She had to show him that their love
wouldn’t be halted by lifetimes.
***
Tuesday...
Jessica woke up the next morning, face
still pale and eyes dulled from pain. Her breath came in soft wheezes but she
waved away Nick’s concern. “Don’t call the doctors,”
she asked him weakly.
Nick’s face became heavy with
worry. Jessica reached for his hand and squeezed it as hard as she could. She
smiled painfully and whispered, "Promise me something."
"Anything," he replied
quickly.
She couldn't bear to say the words that
she knew needed to be said. She closed her eyes, "If you meet someone
else-"
He put his head in his hands, and
attempted to shut her out, "Don't say it baby."
Her eyes were still closed, but tears squeezed
out between her eyelashes, "Please baby. Promise me."
He shook his head adamantly, "I
will never love anybody else."
His protest pained her and she took a
deep breath, ready to argue, "You have so much love to give. Don't grow
old alone. Promise me."
Nick squeezed his eyes shut, "I
can't do that."
Her tears turned to sobs, "Please.
Don’t waste your life because of me."
"No." he whispered, the word
catching in his throat.
Cooper arrived and stood at the door,
not wanting to interrupt what was obviously a painful moment. Nick saw her
shadow fall across the room and stood quickly. He kissed Jessica tenderly on
the forehead and apologized in a whisper, "I can't...I...I have to
go."
He pushed past Cooper and walked blindly
down the hallway, not knowing where he was going. Not caring. He just had to
get away. He came to the end of the hallway and found an empty room. It offered
a refuge and he embraced it desperately, allowing the facade of strength to
crumble away for the first time since he had learned of Jessica's illness. The
pent up pain and emotion was released in his tears and he allowed them to fall.
I can't do this, he thought. I can't be strong for her.
There was a soft fall of footsteps in
the hallway outside and Nick wiped away the tears hurriedly. A nurse poked her
head in and gave him a sympathetic smile, "I'm sorry....we need this
room."
Nick stood up to rush towards the door,
"I'm sorry. I'll go somewhere else."
"There's no hurry. I just need to
prepare a few things. Take your time."
He sat back down and breathed deeply. He
couldn't bear to stay away from Jessica for too long, but he also didn't want
her to see him like this. He absentmindedly watched the nurse make the bed on
the other side of the room. Little things had prompted the release of memories
recently. Memories that were so vivid, he felt like he was reliving the
experiences. Watching the nurse now made him remember a day soon after they
were married. Nick had arrived home from work in the early hours of Saturday
morning, which always caused a fight. She had shoved him out of their bed at
noon on Saturday, waking him from his peaceful slumber and ripped the sheets
off angrily. He had stood by, bleary eyed, and waited for her to remake the bed
with clean sheets before allowing him to snuggle back under the sweet smelling
covers. Not a word had been spoken between them and it took Nick a month before
he dared to work late again. He smiled now at the memory, and looked back to
where the nurse had been.
She was gone.
Nick stood, feeling a resurgence of
strength return to his limbs and made his way back to Jessica. He found her in
quiet conversation with Cooper and sat on her other side, watching her talk,
but not hearing the words. He had always been mesmerized by her and now was no
exception. His gaze refused to leave her face as he memorized every feature,
every expression. She felt his unwavering stare and turned to meet his eyes,
and in doing so she saw his pain. Cooper stopped mid sentence, knowing that
there was no point in continuing. She kissed her friend lightly on the cheek
and whispered her goodbye, "I'll come back tomorrow. Hang in there,
babe."
Jessica turned back to Cooper, tears once again
forming in her eyes, "Bye Coop...Thanks." She watched her leave the
room before looking back at Nick. His eyes were red but his expression rigid,
as though chiselled in marble.
“Don’t,” she whispered
He raised his eyebrows, questioning her.
She raised a hand to his cheek,
“Don’t shut me out.”
He rubbed his face and when he removed
his hands, the raw truth of his feelings was revealed. “I
just....can’t...”
Jessica began to cry, “You have to
talk to me.”
“You can’t tell me to get
over you....I won’t...”
Jessica cried harder.
Nick shook his head, tears falling from his
own eyes, and carried on, “It makes everything seem too final.
I...will...n...I won’t accept that this is the end.”
Jessica’s tears darkened crisp white
hospital sheet as they splashed down, “Sometimes we have to admit-”
“No we don’t,” he
whispered.
“Baby I need you to
understand,” she begged, sobbing.
He pulled her into his arms, both of
their body’s trembling with grief and whispered, “I will never
understand.”
***
Saturday...
Drew was the first to arrive in the small
private room that had been emptied to provide a gathering place for
Jessica’s family and friends. At 7am the room was empty and he turned on
the coffee machine and sat down to attempt to read the newspaper. Lea soon
appeared and made them both a cup of coffee. They sat in silence, newspaper now
discarded, minds focussed on one thing. Jeff and Justin walked into the room
together, also silent and downcast. Lea sat next to Drew and picked up the
fallen newspaper. She stared at the front page for minutes without reading
before throwing it back onto the ground.
“How is she?” Lea asked
quietly. Her words broke the solitary contemplation and all eyes turned to
Drew. Justin arrived and anxiously repeated the question.
“Nick said she didn’t wake
up yesterday,” Drew responded, depressed.
Lea felt tears prick her eyes.
“Can we see her?”
Drew nodded and led them down the hall and
into the now familiar hospital room.
Nick, Cooper, Ashlee and Jessica’s
parents were all sitting silently while music played softly in the background.
All eyes moved to the group and with a
frustrated sigh Joe stood up and walked outside. He gestured for Tina and
Ashlee to follow. “We can’t have too many people in the
room,” he said to Drew, his tone suggesting that he was only leaving for
Jessica’s sake.
Drew glanced at Nick, but chose to say
nothing. The group crowded around the bed, uncharacteristically silent. Lea
stood next to Nick and put an arm around his shoulders, “How is
she?” she asked, concentrating on steadying her voice for Nick’s
sake.
When Nick didn’t answer, Cooper
spoke, “The same.”
Lea took Cooper’s hand. Although
not close friends, they had hung out with Jessica enough to develop a bond.
Jeff perched on the edge of the bed. He
and Jessica had never been close, but Jeff respected her for her determination
and drive and more importantly because she kept Nick happy. And she was the
only woman who had successfully trained Nick, an achievement for which Jeff had
the utmost respect.
Silence.
“I just can’t believe
it,” Justin finally spoke softly. “Ever since she was diagnosed it
has been like some surreal nightmare. I never believed...”
Nick understood, but for him this nightmare
was a recurring one.
Jessica woke slowly, eyes fluttering
before eventually, painfully opening. Her first sight as she opened her eyes
was Justin. She stretched her dry lips into a smile and turned her head to look
at everybody. “You’re all here,” she said croakily.
“Shouldn’t you be working?”
Nick brushed a hand over her forehead.
“It’s Saturday,” he whispered, the smile evident in his voice.
“Oh.”
Silence.
“I just want to say...” she
licked her lips. Talking was harder than she had expected. Or maybe the words
made it harder. “...I love you guys.” Her words elicited all the
tears that had been threatening to fall, and hands hastily fumbled for
Kleenexes.
Jessica closed her eyes and Lea
exchanged a worried glance with Drew. “Love you too, Jess,” she
whispered, kissing her on the cheek.
Jessica opened her eyes again.
“Look after Nicholas,” she whispered; knowing that Lea and Drew
were one of the few people he turned to.
“We will.”
In turn each friend approached Jessica
and uttered their own affectionate whispers. Jessica grew more weary as the
seconds passed, and eventually she closed her eyes and fell once again into a
deep sleep.
Lea once again placed an arm around
Nick’s shoulders, tears falling unnoticed. “Our lives will never be
the same again.”
***
Sunday...
Nick left the room for the first time in
days. He had been suffocating in the presence of Jessica’s parents and
had sacrificed his need to be with Jessica for some privacy. He headed for a
small chapel he knew was somewhere on the ground floor. After wandering down
never ending corridors he finally came upon the darkened room and sat in the
back row. He rested his head on the pew in front of him and closed his eyes.
There was a chill in the small room, perhaps from the marble floor or from the
enormous stained glass windows letting the winter frostiness seep in. Nick
raised his head and found that his eyes had adjusted to the dark room. He saw
the simple altar with a beautiful flower arrangement in front of it. He took in
the dark wooden pews and polished floor. He jumped, startled when his wondering
eyes came upon the shape of a man in a darkened corner close to a statue of
Mary. Nick stood and walked slowly to the front, his footsteps echoing in the
empty room. He sat next to the man and put an arm around his shoulders,
“I didn’t realize you were here.”
John raised his bowed head, “I
come everyday. Sometimes...I just can’t go up there Nick. I can’t
do this again...”
Nick squeezed his father’s
shoulder, understanding. They sat, wordlessly taking comfort in the others
presence. Finally Nick cleared his throat, drawing his eyes from the statue of
Mary. “It’s your mother’s turn to meet her,” he
whispered.
Nick broke down, he had suppressed his
emotions for so long he could hold on no longer. His father clumsily drew him
into his embrace and for the first time ever they cried together.
***
Monday...
Nick felt like he had been staring at her
face for years. She hadn't woken up in days and it was just a matter of time
before the drugs ended her pain forever. He saw the sheer volume of the
cocktail of drugs that they fed into her veins and knew that that the time
wasn't far off. A crowd of friends and family and lot’s of fans had
gathered outside and Nick could hear them now. There were whispered hellos,
curious questions and sympathetic hugs. He didn't want to face any of it. They
had shuffled one by one into the room to whisper their best wishes but were
herded back out by Cooper. She knew that Jessica wouldn’t want her last
days to be a spectacle; she would prefer to be remembered as the vibrant woman
she once was rather than the shell of a person she had become. Jessica looked
at Nick, sitting faithfully by the bed and also knew that Nick needed the
privacy to say goodbye, which he wouldn’t be able to do with the constant
interruptions that a crowd would bring.
Tina and Joe had asked for privacy with
their daughter earlier that day and had emerged from the room in tears, their
bitterness towards each other forgotten and a tentative truce formed. In return
for the hour of privacy that Nick had given them they now sat with other
friends and family outside, leaving Jessica with the people who showed her
unrelenting love and support.
Nick tucked a wisp of hair behind Jessica's
ear, wanting to cry, but he hadn't been able to allow the tears to flow since
the morning in the chapel. He simply felt numb. He stroked Jessica's arm,
starting at her fingers and working up to her shoulder. Every inch was
committed to memory. The small scar on the back of her hand where her
neighbour's dog had bitten her in her childhood, the smooth skin of her
shoulders and neck. His eyes slowly traversed her entire body over and over
again. When his gaze once again rested on her face he saw that her eyes were
open. She tried to smile, but the pain was obviously too great. Her eyes still
sparkled and he understood her thoughts. Words were not required.
"Hi..." she tried to say, but
no sound came out.
"Don't talk. I'm here."
She shook her head slowly. "I had a
dream about you...I just wanted to see your face," she whispered hoarsely,
words barely perceptible.
He nodded, thanking God for allowing him
to hear her voice again.
"I love...you." she squeezed
her eyes shut and he kissed her eyelids, then her nose and finally her mouth
with light, passionate kisses, "I love you," he replied. She seemed
to be falling back into unconsciousness. Panic spread throughout his body,
"Don't go! Please...don't go."
She opened her eyes again,
"I’m....here.” She paused to gather strength,
“Where’s ... Cooper?"
“Guarding the door.” Nick
opened the door and met Cooper's eyes, "She wants to see you." Cooper
swallowed the lump in her throat and followed him in. Jessica had her eyes
closed again and Cooper glanced at Nick uncertainly.
"Hey babe," Cooper whispered.
Jessica opened her eyes slightly, "I
just...wanted to say...thank you...I love you."
Cooper’s eyes welled up with tears she
was determined not to shed, "I love you too. I am going to miss you so
much."
Jessica moved her hand and Cooper
gripped it tightly. She closed her eyes again and after a long pause she looked
Cooper in the eye, "Look after my Nicholas."
Cooper nodded wordlessly, her resolve
not to cry fading fast.
Jessica turned back to Nick and her face
crumpled when she saw his fear, "Don't be afraid, baby. I'll...always be
here...for you.....I love you."
“You’re going to a good
place,” he whispered face pressed up against hers. His words released
her. She could go now in peace. “I love you so much.” Nick cried.
With face still pressed against hers, he watched as she slipped back into
unconsciousness.
End of part 13.
Title:
Losing Streak Part 14 (THE END)
Author:
Jessica
Author’s
Note: Well unfortunately this story has to come to an end. But I have more
creations in the making so it’s all good! Anyways, thank you Erica,
ANDREA, Jessica, Mary, and EVERYONE on the JSMB for your feedback! It has meant
the most to me and it’s the best! I love writing knowing y’all are
enjoying my writing! I definitely suggest you get the tissues for the last
chapter and sit back and try and enjoy it. It was VERY hard for me to write it
but I hope y’all will enjoy it! Please send me feedback to [email protected]
Thank you again y’all!
Summary:
Same ole’
Disclaimer:
What so I keep telling y’all!
“Losing
Streak” Part 13 (THE END)
She died late that night.
Nick, Cooper, Tina, Joe, Drew and Lea
sat by her side as she peacefully slipped from the world of the living. A nurse
had been present throughout the evening, checking vitals and recording them
silently and finally she turned to the four and said simply, "She's gone."
Nick tuned out Cooper’s cry of pain
and Tina and Joe's quiet sobbing and simply heard his own rasping breath and
waited for the pain to hit him. Nothing came. He couldn't summon any feeling
but emptiness. Ashlee took him in her arms and whispered over and over,
"I'm sorry." His arms automatically clutched her and still nothing
came. He felt as though someone had pulled the plug and life was slowly
draining out of him. He was certain he’d never feel anything ever again.
In the distance he heard the nurse speak.
"I'll let everybody know."
"No! Its my...I can do it,"
Tina whispered, her face pale. She leaned over and kissed Jessica on the
forehead, “I love you my beautiful baby girl.” Joe leaned over and
whispered something in Jessica’s ear, he wiped her hair out of her face
and with a hand on Tina’s shoulder they left the room.
Nick heard the reaction of everybody
gathered outside before the door swung shut behind the couple, dulling the
sound. The tears, the crying the consoling. He hated them for their tears. How
could they know what losing her is like? She is everything to him. How dare
they act like their sorrow compares to his!
Ashlee found her eyes drawn up to
Nick’s; his face was blank and his back unnaturally rigid, as though he
had already begun to build the protective wall between him and the rest of the
world. Ashlee finally pulled away from him, knowing that his loss was the most
devastating of all. He had loved Jessica so deeply, finding in her a solace
from reality. Cooper stood by him, giving her best friend one last look before
kissing her lightly on the cheek, "I love you babe. I know you're in a
good place but I will always...ALWAYS...miss you. Life will never be the same
without you.” Cooper and Ashlee turned away, eyes wet with tears.
Nick stood detached, eyes still glazed
and expression vacant. He heard the distant sound of a door shutting and looked
around. The room was empty.
He stared at Jessica’s face. How
peaceful she looked. Her lips were drawn up into a tiny smile, and with her
eyes closed she looked as though she was sleeping. Suddenly all the emotions he
thought had deserted him came rushing back, shockwaves began in his heart and
rapidly spread outwards to his limbs. ‘She’s gone’ each cell
told the next. ‘She’s gone’ Nick felt the searing pain of
reality and squeezed his eyes shut as his mouth opened to give a silent cry of
agony.
"Oh god baby," he choked.
He took her hand and kissed it tenderly,
"You were my reason for living....I love you so much. How am I going to
live without you?" he pressed her hand to his cheek, cherishing her touch
for the final time. "I love you, sweetheart. Love you so much."
He placed her hand carefully by her side
and smoothed the blanket. She looked like she was still sleeping and if Nick
closed his eyes really tight he could almost believe that she would wake up and
everything would be back to normal. But when he reopened them the stark reality
hit him even harder.
He had lost her.
He rested his head by hers, remembering
the times they had whispered together before drifting off to sleep, and let the
first tears fall. “I need you. I don’t know whether I can live
without you.” He touched her cheek, feeling her soft skin.
He watched her face. Rain began to lash
against the windows but he didn’t notice. Time stood still. He had kept
vigil over her for so many nights, never getting tired of watching her. But now
pain welled up like a dam inside of him and finally he was no longer able to
cope with it.
“I love you. I will never stop loving
you.”
He kissed her cheek and turned away with
his head in his hands. He had said everything he could say. On the way out he
saw a cross on the wall. He had never noticed it before. He looked at it now
and whispered, “Take care of her” and left the room. The click as
the door shut behind him sounded so final. They would always be separated by a
barrier now.
He walked out into the crowd of people
and saw, rather than heard, their conversations stop, their mouths close
abruptly, watching him emerge. They parted like the red sea as he walked
through them and whispered their sympathy. Their faces, normally dearly
familiar, seemed like strangers and blurred together in front of him. He saw
their mouths move as though in slow motion, but heard no words. The pounding of
his heart superseded all other noises. He lowered his head. He saw shoes.
Jessica has a pair of shoes like that. Had. Had a pair of shoes like that. He
pushed through the sea of people and out into the open hallway.
He walked blindly of the hospital where
he felt the icy chill of the wind. It felt good; it felt real. It was something
that he could feel with his whole body and accept as fact. He stood in the
wind, braced against its power. His shivering became uncontrollable yet he
remained. There was something in the fury of the weather that satisfied him. It
mirrored his own feelings so perfectly. Yet there was also a cruel injustice in
his feeling something so completely when Jessica could feel nothing at all. He
heard someone approach and turned to walk away.
"Nick!" Lea yelled over the
howl of the wind.
"Go away," he whispered, but
his words were whipped away from him as soon as they were out of his mouth.
"I have your coat." She held
it out to him and he accepted gratefully. She knew that he needed to be alone
and gave him a quick hug before walking back inside. Nick felt the residual
warmth from her hug seep away. He needed that warmth.
“Lea!” he called.
The wind drowned him out.
“BEC!” he yelled.
She spun around, cheeks pink with cold,
tears freezing on her cheeks and began to walk back towards him. Her face was
questioning.
Nick said nothing. He just stood,
shoulders slumped, a look of utter loss and desolation on his face. “What
now?” he whispered.
New tears crystallised over the frozen
tracks on Lea’s cheeks. She hugged him as tightly as she could. Nothing
could comfort him now, but she could be there for him to lean on.
Lea’s warmth wrenched Nick from
the surreal land he had been held captive in and he felt the full brunt of the
pain. Holding onto his dear friend, Nick allowed himself to release all the
pent up emotions. As the furious wind whipped around them, they remained
stationary. Connected by their love for Jessica; connected by a fundamental
need to cherish every friendship and relationship.
***
Nick stood outside the door to their
house an hour later. Midnight. A new day. His first day without Jessica.
The front door needs painting, he
thought.
He wasn’t quite sure how he had
come to arrive in that position. He knew there had been a cab. He moved his
eyes towards the end of the driveway as though it would clear up his blurred
mind. Had he paid the driver? He wouldn’t be standing in front of his
door if he hadn’t; he’d be on the pavement somewhere. Maybe Lea had
paid the driver. She had put him in the cab hadn’t she? Nick’s eyes
swivelled from the direction of the street back to his front door.
I really should paint the door, he
thought.
He knew without looking that there was a
long scratch down the paintwork on the bottom made by Jessica’s stiletto
heels from when she attempted to kick them off late one night. Actually Nick
wasn’t completely blameless. He had had her pinned her up against it at
the time and had been doing unbelievable things with his hands.
He stared at the dark scratch that
marred the cream door. I should buy some paint for that, he thought.
His hand clutched the key. He
couldn’t remember taking it out. Had it always been in his pocket? Why
was it in his pocket when he hadn’t been home in days? Maybe Lea had
given him the key. Nick reluctantly opened the door, prepared for the torment
of the images and scent of Jessica in their home.
But he was surprised at how empty it
felt when he walked inside. It felt un-lived in and cold. So cold. He dumped
his overnight bag by the door and slowly entered their bedroom. It was a
mistake. Memories attacked him relentlessly and he closed his eyes in an effort
to shut them out. But it was no use. In agony he walked back out to the kitchen
and took a deep breath. He couldn't stand the silence and the lifelessness that
was once his home.
At every moment he expected Jessica to
appear, chastising him for coming home late or making a mess. But she never
came. Now he would welcome any arguments if he could just get her back.
He sat down on the sofa. A book Jessica
had been reading was lying opened on the coffee table. He wanted to move it but
couldn’t urge his hand to reach out and take it. So he left it. He lay
down, head resting against the arm rest and closed his eyes.
“So are you going to paint
that?” her eyes sparkled as they knelt down to examine the long scratch
on their otherwise perfect door.
He stood up. “You scratched it,
you paint it,” he slid the key into the lock and swung the door open.
She stared at him, open mouthed,
“Well if you hadn’t been doing what you were doing I wouldn’t
have scratched it.”
He smirked, breezing past her into the
apartment, “I didn’t hear you complain last night.”
She hung back, still looking at the
door, a thoughtful frown marring her face, “The neighbours probably did.
Maybe I should ask them.”
He laughed, “I’m surprised
they didn’t complain. We probably gave their kids nightmares.”
She smiled; content.
Nick took her hand and drew her away from
the door. “I like it.”
“So you should,” she
replied, laughter in her voice.
He shook his head, “No...the sex
was amazing...but I meant I like the scratched door.”
“You do?”
“Yeah every time I open it
I’ll remember how much fun it is to come home.”
Her laugh had thrilled him.
“Well let’s scratch some
more doors then,” she replied, looking around eagerly.
Nick awoke with a start. He looked at
his watch through blurred vision, 11am. Had he really been sleeping for so
long?
He stared around wearily. Jessica smiled
at him from picture frames on the mantle. He padded into the kitchen and opened
the fridge. Jessica’s yoghurt dominated his vision. He slammed the fridge
shut and picked up his coat. He could go to the studio.
There was a knock on the door.
He was tempted to ignore it but with a
heavy heart he opened it slowly.
"Hey Nick." Lea greeted him
sympathetically. He had obviously slept in his clothes overnight and his eyes
were red and puffy.
"Hey," he replied dully.
"We thought you might like some
company."
He swung the door open and let them in.
Drew and Lea walked in with a bag of muffins and steaming coffee from the local
Starbucks. Nick slumped into a chair, not interested in the food placed before
him.
"Don’t worry about the
studio, Nick. Everything’s running smoothly." Drew commented in an
effort to get Nick talking. "We don't have any big things going on at the
moment."
Nick didn't care. He picked up a
blueberry muffin. Jessica liked chocolate muffins but he had always preferred
blueberry.
They sat down in the living room in an
awkward silence. Nick had tuned out completely. He was staring at the chair
Jessica usually sat in. He could see her now, shoes lying haphazardly on the
floor, head rested against the chair back, talking to him across the room as he
cooked dinner in their cramped kitchen.
He pushed food into his mouth without
tasting it, while Drew and Lea shared a worried glance.
"Nick..." Lea began
uncertainly. He looked at her blankly as though he wasn't sure whether she had
just spoken. "We've been talking." He continued to stare at her and
she rushed on. "About the funeral. I know you haven't organized any of it,
but Jessica's mom came to the office today and she said that Jessica had told
her what she wanted. She asked one of us to do a eulogy. Cooper doesn't think
she can do it, and...well...I was wondering if you'd like me to say
something?"
He was still frozen in the same position
and shook his head slightly as if to shake himself out of the trance,
"...Sure."
"Unless...you want to do it?"
"I...I can't..."
"That's what I thought. I'm sorry
Nick, I didn't want to bring it up, but it needs to be organized."
"I understand." He stood up
suddenly and left the room. They heard a door shut firmly.
"I told you this was too
soon," Drew announced.
"It had to be said, Drew," Lea
responded.
"It’s only been one day. We
could have waited until tomorrow at least."
Lea felt drained. She had lost a good
friend too. She understood that a day might have helped, but an extra day might
also have made Nick more unreachable. She had to help him. She had promised
Jessica she would. "He needs to confront this. We can't let him bottle up
all his feelings. I’m just doing what Jessica asked me to do.” Her
voice cracked when she said Jessica’s name. She fumbled for a tissue and
wiped her eyes
Drew saw Nick’s blank face in his mind
and shook his head, "One more day would have helped."
“Are you kidding? One more year
wouldn’t have helped,” Lea replied. They lapsed into silence.
Nick lay on their bed with his face pressed against
Jessica's pillow, attempting to immerse himself in her once again. The room was
alive with traces of Jessica and he breathed deeply, using that energy to
stable himself.
He hadn't been prepared to talk about
the funeral and it had shaken him to the core. Funerals were so final. He
remembered his mother's funeral. Everybody had patted him comfortingly on the
shoulder and told him to be brave, "Take it like a man," they had
told him. But he hadn't wanted to take it like a man. He had wanted hugs and
comfort. He didn’t want to take it like a man now either. He felt like
the same teenager, suffering the same inconceivable loss, listening to people
say “it will be okay” and knowing that it would never be okay. His
father had been too consumed by his own pain to pay much attention to Nick and
Drew and although they were close, they weren't close enough to discuss their
loss. Nick now understood how his father felt. He too wanted to shut everybody
out and just work for every waking minute to forget the pain. He didn't even
want to go to the funeral. It would be too final. He didn’t want to say
goodbye.
He heard a knock on the door and sat up
quickly to compose himself, "What?"
Drew slowly opened the door and peered
in, "We're going to get going...unless...you want us to stay."
"No. I'll be fine," Nick
replied.
"Are you sure? Because we can
stay."
"Don't worry about me," Nick
replied with more composure than he felt.
"Okay. I'll stop by tomorrow...call
if you want to talk."
"Thanks Drew."
"And don't worry about the
studio...I'll handle everything."
"Okay."
Drew closed the door, again leaving Nick
to his thoughts. He lay back and hugged her pillow closer to him and fell into
an exhausted sleep.
He dreamed of Jessica. Moments flashed
before his eyes and he felt as though he could almost reach out and touch her.
It played like an old movie; the image before him speckled with time, a movie
reel clicking away in the background. He saw her laughing at a joke he had
made, her eyes twinkling with mischief. He saw her giggling as they made love.
He saw her crying after losing having a meet and greet and seeing all her fans
who loved her. He relived every moment as though it were real and woke in a
cold sweat. 3:27am. He threw off the blankets and showered quickly. He was at
the studio within half an hour and it wasn't until he was sitting at his desk
that he realized that he had nothing to do.
The noise in the outer office woke Nick
later that morning. He could hear the usual sounds of blinds being opened,
lights switched on and messages checked. Lea was bustling around oblivious to
his presence and he watched her with amazement. Since when did she start
working so hard? He sat up and ran a hand through his ruffled hair. There was a
gasp behind him as Lea walked into his office.
"Nick!" she shrieked, a hand
over her heart. "You scared me!"
"Sorry."
"What are you doing here?"
"Thinking."
"Oh…" an uncomfortable
silence settled between them. "Nick…I'm so sorry-" Lea paused
awkwardly.
Nick tuned out. He didn't want to hear
sympathy. "Thanks," he interrupted.
“Something came for you by special
delivery yesterday...” she left his office and returned in seconds with a
small parcel in hand. Hesitating, she laid it on the desk. "I'll be right
outside if you need me," she whispered and left quickly, closing the door
behind her.
Nick used all his powers of
concentration, borne from years of having to work through grief, to ignore the
package, but it was no use. He reached for it and impatiently tore the box
open, cursing when it burst open, spilling Styrofoam packaging over his desk.
The small black velvet box inside came as no surprise, but his motions slowed
as he removed it, turning it around in his hand. He had bought it just after
Jessica’s first round of chemotherapy and asked the jewellery store to
hold onto it until it was closer than Christmas. “I have a curious
wife,” he had explained with a rueful smile. They had laughed and
promised to deliver it in eight weeks time. Without opening it he slid the box
into his pocket and looked back down at the file he had taken from Jeff’s
desk earlier that morning.
Slowly others arrived at the studio,
they looked through the blinds curiously, seeing him hunched over a file. They
sighed, unsure whether to order him to leave or let him stay and use the
distraction of work to forget his pain. They let him stay. It was odd having
him there and not being able to talk to him. His office had always been open
for everyone to use, but today they were afraid to even enter to use the bathroom.
Drew frowned as light began to fade, it
wasn’t healthy for Nick to stay cooped up all day. He lightly rapped on
the door and opened it, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Nick replied, not
looking up. He hadn’t considered the pain that staring in the direction
of Jessica’s desk would cause. He was so used to staring at her when she
was working, watching her talk on the phone or laugh over something with the
others. Seeing her desk, with papers and files upon it but without her sent
shockwaves through his body. So he looked instead at a file in an effort to
force it out of his line of vision.
Drew stood awkwardly in the doorway,
“Well I’m going home.” He hesitated. “Do you wanna get
a drink or something?”
Nick finally lifted his head,
“No.”
“Go home Nick. Don’t stay here.”
Nick saw Jessica’s chair out of
the corner of his eye and turned his eyes back down to his desk.
“I’m fine.”
Drew watched helplessly. He was torn
between offering comfort to his brother and giving him the space he obviously
desired. It felt wrong to leave him all alone, but who was Drew to comment on
what was right or wrong in this situation? “Okay. Well I’ll see you
tomorrow.”
Nick watched him through the blinds as
Drew shrugged into his coat and closed the door softly. The studio was once
again silent. He looked back at the file. With a frustrated sigh he stood up
and ignoring his screaming muscles, walked over to the object of his thoughts.
He sat in her chair and looked around him. He could see through the blinds into
his office. He knew she had spent as much time looking at him as he had spent
looking at her. Once he had jokingly suggested she move her desk into his
office but she had replied enticingly “I like my view just fine”.
He smiled sadly at the memory. He picked
up the simple wooden photo frame and stared for a moment at the happy picture
of the two of them. They looked so light hearted; so...alive. He took off the
back of the frame and extracted the photo he knew was hiding behind the front
one. It elicited his first laugh in weeks. It was of both of them lying on the
conference table the week after their wedding. He had watched her put the photo
in the frame and they had laughed about somebody finding it by mistake. He
smiled again and put it once back behind the front photo. He slid it into his
pocket and returned his gaze to her desk.
He picked up her favourite pen, given to
her by her father after her first number one hit on the radio. It was inscribed
in typical Joe Simpson style, ‘Keep winning Jessica!’
Nick put the pen back, trying to remember
whether Jessica left it to her father in her will. Her will had been simple; a
few chosen items were assigned to those close to her but the rest was left to
Nick. If she hadn’t bequeathed the pen to her dad, he’d give it to
him anyway.
Nick bunched the papers on her desk
together and put them aside for Lea to file away the next day. He opened the
top drawer and saw stationary. In the
bottom drawer were her more personal belongings. Important documents such as
her birth certificate and passport. He placed them too on the desk and closed
the empty drawer, locking it again carefully and replacing the key. He finally
opened the middle drawer and glanced at the jumble of more stationary before
closing it again.
The job was done.
He collected her things and carefully
placed them in her Louis Vuittion bag that sat under her desk, “Pet
Louis” he laughed to himself. He was staring at Jessica’s bare desk
when Justin walked in the door and did a double take. His face revealed his
desire to go back in time, to a time where he could decide to go straight home
from the studio. He hesitated, “Hi Nick...how you doin?”
Nick’s gaze was still unwaveringly
focussed on Jessica’s desk.
“I just need to pick up some
things...” Justin announced before edging towards his desk. He hastily
grabbed a few papers before heading towards the door again. He had almost made
his escape when Nick found his voice.
“Justin…”
“Yeah?” Nick motioned to her
desk.
“Can you just take care of what is
left?”
“Of course…”
“Thanks…” Nick walked
out of the studio.
Nick waited for the elevator,
Jessica’s “Pet Louis” tugging at his arm, heavy with
memories. As he emerged into the cold night he knew he couldn’t go home
and wallow in misery. He needed to keep his mind active for as long as
possible. He drove to the harbour and sat in his car, heater blasting warmth
into his face.
She had woken him at 4 am on their
wedding “night” and pulled him out of the warm cocoon that was
their bed from the hotel they were staying in, in Austin.
“Let’s go,” she urged
him, eyes dancing.
“Go where?” he moaned.
“Come on baby,” she whined.
“I want to go somewhere.”
He stared blearily at the clock.
“It’s four in the morning!” he replied with new outrage.
She giggled, “I know.”
“Baby, you’ve never been a
morning person. Why change that now that we’re married?”
“You never used to whine like
this. Why start now that we’re married?” she countered, ready for
the argument.
He groaned again and dressed in the
clothes she threw at him. She picked up his keys and threw them at him,
“Let’s go.”
He had followed her directions to the
harbour in Austin. “Here?” he asked incredulously.
“It’s our honeymoon.”
He rubbed his temples, “Do you
always make so little sense at this time of the morning?”
She rolled her eyes and replied in an
exasperated voice. “It’s our honeymoon baby. Everybody goes to the
beach for their honeymoon.”
“I’m cold,” he
replied.
She took his arm and dragged him to the
end of the pier. The sun was beginning to send rays of light up into the sky.
She leaned against him for warmth as they watched the sun rise on the rest of
their lives.
“See, isn’t it
beautiful?” she sighed when the sun had risen.
Nick looked down at her beautiful face,
glowing not only from the pink early morning light, but from within.
“Yeah it is.”
Nick drew his eyes away from the pier,
tears falling onto the steering wheel. It wasn’t the same harbour
they’d been to on their wedding night but they always went to this one
when they moved into their California home. If he had known their life together
was to be so short he would have allowed her to drag him out here every
morning.
The full moon peeked through the clouds,
its glow reflecting off the turbulent water. He watched waves hurl themselves
relentlessly at the pier, returning over and over again for punishment. He felt
like that water, under the whim of an unseen force. He switched off the engine
and felt the cold seep through his clothes to his skin. Slowly he stepped out
of the car and walked to a bench by the water’s edge. A gull soared past
his face, so close Nick could feel the beating air from its wings whisper
across his face.
He knew what he had to do.
His hand slid automatically into his
pocket and pulled out the small velvet box. It opened with a click, revealing
the shining platinum inside. He removed the simple ring, turning it in his
hands, feeling the smooth chill of the metal. His finger brushed across a rough
edge and he angled it towards the moonlight. In the dim light he could make out
the word.
Eternity.
His limbs moved before his mind was
consciously aware and took him to the waters edge. He rotated the ring around
in his fingers before lifting his arm and pitching it out into the dark, angry
sea. He saw it glimmer as it twisted through the moonlight before it
disappeared out of sight. He stared out to sea, eyes focussed into the distance
on the invisible horizon. “I love you.”
***
One week later...
Looking back, Nick could hardly remember
the funeral. He remembered the flight to Dallas and how long it seemed. He
remembered seeing her headstone; It had Jessica Ann Lachey written on it with
“My Everything” engraved below the dates and next to it was
Nicholas Scott Lachey with his birth date inscribed and
“Underneath” written under where the second date would be inscribed
when the time came. Jessica wanted Nick buried next to her but he’d
always wanted to be buried in his hometown, he knew this is what Jessica wanted
so when they picked her burial spot Nick requested the one right next to it. It had been a rare sunny day and Nick had
decided that Jessica must be making quite an impression in Heaven to arrange
such amazing weather. By arrangement with the other members of the studio Lea
turned up on his doorstep, ready to offer any support he required as he got
ready for the day.
They had turned up to a church that was
overflowing with people. Nick had never seen most of them before. Or maybe he
didn’t recognize them in their sombre colours. Then again Jessica had
wanted to invite 490 people to their wedding, so it was quite possible that he
had never met a lot of these people. He had conversed with them as he made his
slow way through the crowd and into the church, but he couldn’t recall
anything that he had said or who he had said it to. He had faced the day with a
freshly built wall around him and he refused to let anything touch him.
Until he saw the coffin.
The walls crumbled away as though made
of sand. This was it. The final goodbye. He had stood in the entrance to the
church, staring down the aisle at the coffin, immune to the conversations
around him. Lea and Drew stood next to him, also moved beyond words. Finally
Lea tugged on his sleeve and led him to the front of the church.
The service had been short. Lea had
stood to make her eulogy but was stopped by the sight of Nick standing and
making his way up the creaking steps to the pulpit.
The silence that descended on the crowd
was so complete that it vibrated in the air. No more were people reaching for
tissues or moving in their seats. They waited.
Nick stared at the coffin for so long,
the crowd grew restless and anxious. Those who knew him best were terrified.
Nick had barely strung two words together since Jessica had died and now he was
facing a crowd of hundreds. Lea stood next to him and was almost moved to
helping him back to his seat when he cleared his throat.
In a voice that was steady and
controlled and took an enormous amount of courage he spoke.
“Jessica...my wife...was...Jessica
once said to me that she didn’t just want to be known as a person who got
money and fame for singing she wanted to be a role model...she was so much more
than that to me and I hope she always knew that. I want to thank each and every
one of you for coming here today and confirming for her that you knew that
too.”
He sat down, his heartbeat drowned out
the sudden bursts of sobbing throughout the church.
***
One Month Later...
Lea and Justin looked up curiously as
Drew and Nick stomped into the studio. Nick continued into his office, slamming
the door behind him. Drew rubbed his eyes tiredly. Nick had immersed himself in
work over the previous month, pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion. Drew
knew that he was coping with things in his own way but the pressure he was
putting on himself was echoed with more pressure on everybody else.
The whole studio reverberated with
negative energy as everybody tiptoed around Nick, attempting to meet his
unreasonable demands.
Drew sighed again, "I'll talk
to him."
“No. I’ll go,” Lea
replied. She opened the door and walked in solemnly. Nick was staring out the
window. She walked to him and laid her hand on his shoulder.
"You are not going through this
alone, Nick. We all lost one of our best friends and we are all suffering
through that." Lea felt tears prick her eyes.
"You think you know what I'm going
through?" he whispered.
"No. I don’t. But we loved
her too. And we want to be able to talk about her, about the times we had. We
want you to be able to talk about her with us. We need you to."
"I can't, Lea...nobody I talk to
will understand."
"There is someone who
understands."
She had his attention, "Who?"
"Your father."
His silence was deafening.
“Nick, there’s something
here for you,” Drew interrupted timidly
“What?”
“A letter from John Pryor.”
Nick ran a hand through his hair. John
Pryor was Jessica’s probate attorney. He didn’t need this now. Drew
passed over the pale envelope with Nick’s name typed on the front. He
took it numbly.
As soon as Drew was gone Lea returned
her attention to Nick, “Talk to your father-”
Nick stared at the envelope. He didn't
dare open it in the office and searched his brain for a suitable spot. “I
have to go,” Nick interrupted abruptly, leaving the room without another
word.
Grabbing his coat he swept out of the
office, "I'm going out," he announced
"Where?" Drew asked curiously
"You’ve been telling me to
leave for months. So I’m going! " he snapped.
Lea sent Drew a warning glare.
"Okay," Drew replied meekly.
Nick didn't notice anything on the ride
to the airport. He didn’t notice anything on his flight to Dallas or his
ride to the cemetery. He could almost feel the heat pulsate from the envelope
that was in his pocket but refused to think about it for fear of losing
complete control of his emotions. Once he arrived, he walked blindly to the
simple grave and stopped. It was the first time he had visited it since the
funeral and he was suddenly overcome with grief. All of the emotions that he
had dammed up inside burst free and he sat on the damp ground, awash with
despair. Someone had placed flowers on the gravestone and he recognized Lea and
Drew's handwriting on the card attached. He felt angry that they had gone there
without telling him and then angry and guilty with himself for staying away for
so long. He stared at her name for what seemed like hours.
Jessica Ann Lachey.
He remembered the envelope in his pocket
and pulled it out. With shaking hands, he tore it open and looked at the pages.
Her familiar handwriting caused another wave of grief and his tears fell onto
the grave, disappearing into the snow. With a pounding heart he began to read.
My darling Nicholas,
Who would have thought
that I'd be writing a letter like this? I am just as surprised to be writing
it, as you probably are to be reading it. Not that I assumed that I would live
for eternity, but an early death was not an idea I gave much thought to. In
fact, I have no idea what people usually write in these letters anyway. So bear
with me through this, it is my first attempt.
Nick smiled half-heartedly. She always
was a perfectionist.
I have been in
treatment for two months now, and we just received the news that the cancer has
spread. Every day through that treatment, I witnessed the fear in your eyes.
Watching the disease take its toll on you is as painful to me as the cancer.
Cancer. I hate that word. It is the epitome of everything despicable. Some days
I hate this disease so much that I feel like giving up. But then I look at you
and know that I will fight it until either I overcome it, or it overcomes me.
And sadly, the latter seems more and more likely. And I am so angry, and so
scared.
I wish every minute of
every day that circumstances could have been different. I wanted children. I
wanted a house with a big garden. I wanted to have you lying next to me every
night for the rest of our lives. You told me when you proposed that you wanted
to grow old with me and I always believed that we would. I know you wanted all
this too and I am so sad and angry that I am bringing so much pain into your
life. You have lost so much already that I can't bear to do this to you again.
I already see the fear and pain in your eyes and I can’t bear to think
about how you look now. It tears me apart to do this to you. But you and I are
forever Nicholas. Eternity. Isn’t that what you always whispered in my
ear when you thought I was asleep? Our love will never die.
And you will carry on.
I know you will. I can almost see you now – you have just worked a
twenty-hour day, much to the concern of Lea, Drew and the others. I bet they
think you should be taking some time off, but you are too stubborn to take
their advice. Am I close? You should take their advice, baby. You will get
through this, as much as it hurts, it will get easier and easier every day.
I have kept so much of
this illness from you in an attempt to shield you a little from the pain I was
going through. I realise now that my effort was futile – I have never
been able to hide anything from you! I don't want to talk about it at length
now, but I think you need to know how bad it has become. I used to watch people
with terminal diseases and they would say that after treatment and the pain of
the disease, they looked forward to dying. And as much as it frightens me, I am
beginning to understand exactly what they mean.
I also want you to
remember that I love you. My short time with you was the happiest of my life
and I will always treasure it...and we have had some amazing times. Who else
can boast of being married at the most beautiful fairytale like church? My
greatest accomplishment, if I may say so myself. Not to mention our...how
should I say it...turbulent past. We have been through so much – and
survived it, which says a lot about our love for each other. I hope that remembering
my love for you will make this easier.
I will always love
you.
Jessie
***
Mike (a close friend of Cooper’s) sat in
Cooper’s office, concern marring his face. “You okay Coop?”
he asked worriedly, missing the vibrant woman he knew so well.
Cooper looked at him blankly, “Uh...yeah...sorry
what did you say?”
“I was saying that if we can get Fletcher to
talk we should be able to get blah blah blah” Cooper tuned out. A letter
sat on her desk, her name typed neatly on its front. She ached to read it and
at the same time dreaded its contents. Mike stopped talking and sighed,
“Coop?”
“Yeah?”
“Should I go?”
Tears pricked Cooper’s eyes. “No. Please
don’t.”
“D...do you want to...uh...talk?”
Cooper raised her blue eyes, shiny with tears, to meet
his. She nodded slowly. She slid the envelope across to him, “Can you
read this for me?”
Mike picked it up and examined it curiously. He looked
back at Cooper. “Who’s it from?”
Cooper twisted around and looked out the window. It
was a gorgeous day outside in Texas. The sky was painfully blue and weak
sunlight was amplified as it reflected off the ground. She watched people walk
slowly past her building, enjoying the sensation of warmth after so many
bitterly cold days.
“Coop?” Mike prompted.
She swivelled back to him. “It’s from
Jessica.”
Mike pushed the envelope back across the desk to her.
“I think you should read it.”
Cooper stared at a mark on her desk, concentrating at
keeping the tears at bay, “I can’t...” she whispered.
“You need to,” he encouraged.
She shook her head, “This has been the worst
month in my life...I just don’t think I can take any more.”
Mike silently implored her to continue.
“I knew that this would be hard. But...nothing
prepared me for the...loneliness. I relied on her for everything. Now I have
nobody. I’m all alone.” She cried into her hands.
Mike reached across the desk and pried a hand from her
face and laid it on the desk, squeezing it gently. He picked up the letter and
placed it on her open palm. His actions told her what his words could not.
“Read it,” he urged.
She looked at it, “I can’t....not
here.”
“Where do you want to go?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“I’ll drive you wherever you want.”
“No...I can do it.”
He nodded, accepting her decision. They walked out of
her office together. Cooper felt rejuvenated by their friendship. She was no
longer alone.
***
Nick turned to the next letter.
Hey baby,
Well it’s night time and I can't
sleep. I'm in hospital...I feel like I lose a little bit of myself whenever I'm
here. It's possibly because I am among so many other sick people that I become
just another patient, another number, another statistic. It could also be that
the drugs are sending my brain to mush. The nurses are lovely, but nothing
compares to being at home with you. I miss the feel of your arms around me, and
your warmth is like a drug: I could sleep anywhere as long as I had you to hold
me. I miss your night sounds and the creak of our bed as you move. I hate
sleeping without you and I hate hospitals.
Here I am in this hospital room, under
completely different conditions. And tonight you are not in your usual chair
because I sent you home. I wish I hadn’t done that now. I feel like I
need someone to talk to. And my good friend Pam the nurse took a sick day today
so I didn’t even have her support.
Talking to people has become harder and
harder. Everybody pulls on a mask when they come in here and pretend that
everything in their lives is fine. I don't want people to feel as though they
should treat me carefully. I want at least a semblance of normality in my life.
There are a few exceptions. Your father is one. I felt like a person after he
talked to me today, which is high praise, let me tell you.
So here is one thing that I'm going to
ask you to do. Go and talk to your father. You may feel like you're the only
man in the world who has lost a wife, but you're not. Your father understands
and I think he wants to talk to you about it as much as you need to hear it.
Promise me you'll do it, baby. I worry about you.
Nick put the letter down and took a couple of deep
breaths. He had worried endlessly about worrying her with his fears while she
was ill. To read now that she had had the same worries about him filled him
with emotion. He could feel her love burning from the page on which she wrote
and he was comforted by that. He even felt joyful that he had confirmation in
his hands that she had loved him as much as he loved her. He turned back to the
letter...
I know you will treat this like a
personal attack from God, but there is no one to blame for this. Its just one
of those things. And I accept that now, although this acceptance has been a
long journey. I need for you to accept it too. And I need you to know that I am
grateful for our time together and I know we will meet again someday.
And now I'm tired. I can’t do
anything these days without collapsing with exhaustion and I find that so
frustrating. I know that time is drawing near now. I can feel it. But don't
worry; I'm not really afraid of "the end" anymore. It is time to
smile and remember the good times that we have had. Memories are coming back
constantly now and the nurse's wonder why I am smiling all the time. Thank you
for such wonderful memories.
I love you.
Jess
Nick covered his face with his hands and took several
deep breaths. He had one last letter in front of him, but wasn't sure whether
he was strong enough to cope with it. He was suddenly exhausted –
emotionally drained and light was starting to fade. He pocketed the
letter and after dropping a kiss on the gravestone, made his way back to the
car. As he reached it, he saw another familiar car pull up. Cooper got out
slowly and on seeing Nick, gave him a half-hearted wave.
"Hey," he greeted Nick hoarsely, wiping the
residual tears from his eyes.
"Hey," she returned dully.
They stood in silence, looking in the direction of
Jessica's grave. Cooper's voice suddenly interrupted the silence.
She was on the verge of tears and her words came out
fast, almost jumbled, "I got a letter today and I know it should have made
me feel better, but it didn't...this is the first time I have come here since
the funeral...and then I get this letter from the probate lawyer and it makes
me feel worse." She took a deep breath. "But she was my best friend
and I don't know what to do with myself. I've never had many friends. She was
the only one who understood me, the only one who accepted me for who I was. She
was the best friend I could ever wish for and now...now she's gone..." she
paused again.
Nick nodded.
She was crying now "And I hate everybody. Why
can’t everybody be like her? Why did I have to lose my one true friend?
Why...why did this have to happen?" she began to cry into her hands. It
felt good to finally talk about her feelings, but it didn’t stop them
from creating new wounds as she voiced them. "How are you holding
up?" she asked suddenly, her voice shaky with emotion.
Nick took a deep breath and shook his head,
"Not very well."
Cooper pulled him into her arms. "You are the
only person who really understands," she cried.
They stood there for minutes, both crying and taking
comfort in the other's understanding embrace.
"Did she write you a letter?" Cooper asked
finally, pulling away from him.
He nodded wordlessly.
"Have you read it?"
"There were three. I've read the first two."
Cooper nodded.
She dropped her head, understanding, "I
couldn’t read mine either."
"I miss her so much," he whispered.
"Me too," her face crumpled again as though
she was going to cry, but she took deep breaths to remain calm. "I want to
go to her...her grave...but I don't think I can do it."
"Of course you can."
"Will you come with me?"
He wanted to say no but saw the desperation in her
eyes. He sighed and headed back towards the grave, waiting for Cooper to find
the confidence to follow him. He sat down and stared into the distance. After
several minutes he heard Cooper approach and she sat next to him.
"Oh my God...I never expected this to be so hard.
I mean...I thought her death would be the hard part...but that was just the
beginning." She pulled the letter out of her pocket and stared at it
nervously.
"Read it," Nick gently encouraged.
"Can you do it?" she asked.
He shook his head apologetically, "It's for you.
And I'm having enough trouble coping with my own."
She slowly peeled the envelope open and peered at the
pages inside.
Hey babe,
I'm still kind of new to this letter
writing business, but I've practiced a couple of times on Nick so yours should
be better. How are you? You know, it's odd writing that sentence, knowing that
when you read it, I'll be gone. But a lot of things have been odd over the past
few months, so I'll just ignore it for now. I hope you’re winning your
cases and finding fabulous men to date. I would be sad if you weren’t
Coop, you can’t let me stop you from living life.
Isn't it funny how all your friends,
acquaintances, family and colleagues come out of the woodwork when you get
sick? I never realized how many people I knew until now. The other day I was
shopping with Nick and this guy walked up to me and said, "Hey Jessica, I
am so sorry about your illness." The strange thing is I had no idea who he
was, I don’t know if he was a fan or just someone who had heard of me in
the new. No idea at all. We had a brief conversation where I wracked my brain to
put a name to the face, but I still don't know who he is. Nick and I laughed
about it later; actually I think he was a little jealous at first, which is
just ridiculous. But that’s Nicholas. And I love him for it.
But this letter isn't supposed to be
about me. This is all about you. And to help you get through life without me, I
have some guidelines for you to follow.
1) Don't sleep with a man on the first
date. I just want to make this one really clear. In fact it bears repeating.
2) Don't sleep with a man on the first
date. I want you to remember this every time someone asks you out. You know
that a relationship will never work if it is based purely on sex. Relationships
should be based on honesty, communication and compromise. If he gets sex on the
first date, the communication is out the window. Wait at least until the third
date or even later if you can manage. Yeah, yeah I can hear you shriek
“third date?” but restrain yourself okay? I mean I waited until
Nick and I married…NICHOLAS SCOTT LACHEY! The hottest man ever and I
waited!
3) If you're sad, my recipe for Jessica
Simpson’s Divine Chocolate Chip Fudge Cookies is included with this
letter. Remember t = teaspoon, T = Tablespoon. Don't mix them up like you did
last time...I have never eaten anything so disgusting in my life (and that
includes the time when Nick tried to make duck l'orange...ewwwwww...and if you
tell him I said that, I'll haunt you for the rest of your life).
Nick watched quietly, seeing Cooper’s
expression change from sadness to pleasure. After a few minutes, she even
giggled, eyeing Nick smugly.
"What?" he asked curiously.
"Nothing," she replied innocently. Cooper
turned back to the letter...
4) If you're angry, go to the gym. Not
to exercise, but to check out the guys. Remember how we used to do that? That
gym membership was worth every cent. If that fails, there is always the option
of faking an injury and going to the ER. There seemed to be a never-ending
stream of cute doctors there and I know a date with a doctor would make your
day. You probably shouldn't tell Nicholas that I said that either.
5) If you're happy...well I don't have
any anecdotes for that. Be spontaneous. No...wait, with you spontaneity could
be dangerous. I love that side to you, and although Nick isn’t too fond
of it (remember when you hid in our bedroom and surprised him with the
announcement that we were having a threesome? I’ve never seen him go so
pale). Your spontaneity has given us a lot of laughs. So if you're happy, try to
stay that way for as long as you can. Believe me, every moment is precious and
the happy ones are a treasure.
6) If you're excited, stand still until
the moment passes. Don't jump up and down or shriek or grab hold of fragile
objects (like my grandmother's antique vase...) just sit still.
7) If you're in love, there are two
options. BUT if you are considering (A), then this is not the right
relationship for you.
(a) Ask yourself...do I really want to
see this man in incontinence nappies in fifty years time? Or...
(b) Go with the feeling. Take hold of it
and never let go, give him every cell in your body and love him forever. Trust
me, I’ve used this method and it works.
8) Don't sing in public. Oh okay, you
can, but just make sure there’s no one around when you do. Oh and for
Gods sake no break dancing under any circumstances. Let me remind you that you
had a headache for about a month afterwards.
9) If you're depressed, talk to someone.
Drew, Lea, Nicholas, my momma. Anybody. Don't suffer alone. And DON’T go
shoe shopping. You earn a public servant’s salary – you can’t
afford them. Plus you have about a million pairs already.
10) If you’re ever unsure of
anything go with your heart – you have a wonderful, generous, caring one
and it is rarely wrong. You always knew how to cheer me up, even when you were
struggling with your job and coming to terms with mine. I remember once teasing
you that you had the “queen bitch killer bee” image. Well that
image couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure you’re a determined
woman, but you are the most compassionate person underneath. You know
what’s right, Coop. Don’t let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
I have one other thing to say...and
I’m not sure how you’ll take it so it’s a good thing
I’m not there! (sorry black humour...probably not something you want to
read right now). Okay...here goes I know there is someone who can help you
through this. You once told me that if I loved Nick I should be a woman about
it, forget everything else and go for him. If it hadn’t been for you, we
may never have admitted our feelings for each other and for that you get our
eternal gratitude. Now I want to return the favour.
I know someone who has cared for you for
a long time. I see the way he looks at you and I see the way he softens when he
talks to you. I also see the way you look at him, so dammit Coop, be a woman
about it and call him! You know who I’m talking about. If you don’t
know...maybe I should just say his name. Mike. Don’t kill me for
this...oh...too late. Oops there’s that black humour again! I know
you’re hurting right now, and you’re shutting everybody out...but
he can help you. Call him!
One final thing...please look after
Nicholas. Show him what it means to be alive and loved again. Help him to live
through this. Tell him that if he doesn’t he’ll be begging for
mercy when I see him again. I know he can help you through this and you can do
the same for him. You guys became good friends with me and Nick’s
relationship.
You are an amazing person, Coop. An
incredible, beautiful, giving person. I love you so much...you were a better
friend than I deserved. Thank you for making my life so much brighter.
Jessica
Coop looked up with an expression of amazement,
"She's incredible," she said simply.
Nick nodded his agreement.
"I mean...I came here feeling like crap and she
has actually made me feel better," Coop continued.
"I miss her," Nick mumbled. "People
expect me to just get over it...but I can't. I never will."
Cooper stared into space before saying, "She was
so giving...this letter is proof of that. She was in so much pain and all that
she can think about is making us feel better."
Nick bit his lip, "I don't want to ever let go of
her. Lea offered to help me sort through Jessica’s things...I just
can’t face it."
"I wonder who else she wrote letters to."
Coop mused.
"I need to feel as though she is still with me.
If I didn’t have her things I’d only have her love to remember her
by."
"God I'm going to miss her." Cooper ended.
"I will never stop loving her."
They looked at each other as if they had just realized
the other had been talking. "It's getting dark...I'm going home. I flew
here just to be with her here, it was worth it." Nick announced, stiffly
getting to his feet.
"Yeah...me too. Thanks for coming with me."
Her tone was polite.
He nodded silently.
They walked back to their cars and with a hurried wave
drove off in opposite directions. Nick slept on the flight home holding the
envelope close to him the whole way. Nick went straight to his bedroom when he
got home and lay on the bed. He opened the envelope and removed the final
letter with anticipation.
Dear Nicholas,
Well here I am. The nurse gave me a pen
and paper so I could write and as you know, I love to write. But I feel like I
have said everything in the previous letters, so let this be my final goodbye.
There are things that I haven’t been able to tell you, the fear of
hurting you overrides my desire to share my innermost feelings. So consider
this my closing argument. I was always good at closings. And you know how I
love to have the last word.
I have been thinking a lot about our
short time together and I realize now how precious our time was. I was so happy
with you, happier than I have ever been in my life and I am so grateful that I
was given a chance to experience it. I prefer having spent a short time with
you than not at all, so for that I am thankful. To love and be hurt is better
than not to have loved at all. It is so true. I'm not trying to say that I am
glad to be dying, but there is a sense of satisfaction in having lived a happy
life. In fact, I have very few regrets.
One of them is that we had no children.
I often feel bad for leaving you with nothing to remember me by. But perhaps it
is for the best. The pain you went through with your mother's death is
something I would prefer not to put a child through. But in the future I want
you to be happy and I want you to do whatever it takes to find that happiness.
I want you to experience fatherhood. I want you to teach your children your evil
chocolate hoarding methods and how to play baseball. I want you to threaten
bodily harm to your daughter’s boyfriends and eventually walk said
daughter down the aisle and hand her over to one of those boyfriends. I want
you to be the proud father of the star quarterback on the high school football
team. I want you to be happy. Please promise me you’ll be happy.
Another regret is that I spent so much
of my life working. I worked hard all my life to be a singer, and when I did
get that dream I worked too hard and didn’t see you enough, I often
wonder what life would have been like if I had lightened up a little and had
more fun. Perhaps I would have become a hairdresser rather than a singer...who
knows. But if I hadn't become a singer, I may never have met you and that is
one thing that I would not change in my life.
I am so worried about you. I worry that
you will throw yourself into your work and not look up until you're sixty...and
alone. Nothing frightens me more than the thought of you growing old alone.
I've been reduced to begging. Please, baby. Allow yourself to love again. I
want you to find her and love her with all your heart.
I love you so much Nicky, (I love how
only I could get away with calling you that hehe…) leaving you is the
hardest thing that I will ever do. I'll see you again one day...and we can
continue what was stopped so abruptly. Until then, you can always talk to
me...I'll be watching over you, loving you, wanting so much to be with you
again.
I love you,
Jessica
***
There was a knock on the door and Nick awoke with a
start. His hand still clutched the final letter. He looked bleary eyed at the
glowing green digits of his alarm clock and groaned. It was only 8pm. He padded
wearily to the front door and looked through the peephole. He clicked back the
locks and swung open the door.
“Dad...” he cleared his throat.
“What are you...?”
John walked into the house. He held a piece of folded
paper in his hand. “I...uh...got this today.”
Nick followed him into the living room and sat down
facing his father. John chose to sit on one end of the sofa, both
subconsciously leaving Jessica’s favourite armchair free
John stared awkwardly at the coffee table;
eyes on a book that he knew belonged to Jessica. He knew that for Nick,
complete removal of all Jessica’s belongings was much more painful than
seeing them constantly. Nick understood this reaction well.
“She said in this letter...” John paused.
“I guess it doesn’t matter what she said...I just...” he
stopped again. John’s next words were soft and painfully spoken, “I
know what you’re going through....I know...”
Nick squeezed his eyes shut. He had longed for this
moment since walking out of his mother’s hospital room, the terrible deed
of switching off her life support completed. “I know you do, Dad,”
his voice cracked.
“I just want you to know...I’m here for
you.”
Nick felt an enormous weight lift from his shoulders.
Although he still carried the burden of losing Jessica, he now had the strength
of two men. He looked at a photo of Jessica on the mantle, caught in a giggling
moment with Cooper. ‘You’re an incredible, beautiful woman’
he thought ‘you’ve done what nobody else has been able to
do’. He turned his attention to his father, “Do you want a
drink?” He picked up the book that had remained on the coffee table since
Jessica’s death and placed it back in the bookshelf behind John.
***
The next day...
Nick sat up in the recording studio with his own
record label supporting him. He faced the glass wall where Larry, Tina, Joe,
Ashlee and Lea sat. He turned to his left and nodded to Jeff and Justin and
then to his right and he high fived Drew; they were all ready to record again.
Lea and Tina watched with big smiles as Nick started singing out the first
verse.
They recorded their first song for their new album.
‘Always You & I’ Dedicated to Jessica Lachey. Nick had written
on one of his many flights he’d sense taken to see his wife’s
grave.
The losing streak was over. 98 Degrees were ready to
come back, and they’d make a huge comeback when they did.
***
The young woman looked at the newspaper with tears in
her eyes. She cleared her throat and began to read it to her mother...
“Respected singer, Nicholas S. Lachey died
peacefully in his sleep last week with friends and family close by. Known for
his wonderful charm, soothing voice and good looks on stage. Nicholas, known to
most as Nick, was not only a passionate singer, but also gave time to
charities. He was co-founder of the Jessica Lachey Memorial Trust, a foundation
set up in honour of his late wife’s name, devoted to helping families
cope with losing loved ones to cancer. He lost his mother to breast cancer as a
teenager and his wife, singer Jessica Simpson-Lachey, to ovarian cancer 40
years ago and has since given much of his time and money to this cause. He will
be dearly missed by all that knew him.”
Cooper felt tears flowing freely down her wrinkled
cheeks, as her daughter, Ann read out the obituary.
Ann put the newspaper down. “I often wondered if
Nick was lonely.”
Cooper squeezed her hand, “I did too.”
Ann paused thoughtfully for a second, “I asked
him once...but he ruffled my hair...you know how he used to always do that
especially after I spent hours styling it....and he said, ‘Ann, I have my
work, my family, lots of friends and incredible memories. How could I be
lonely?’” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m going
to miss him.”
Cooper smiled through her tears. She knew that Nick
was in a good place. “Bye Nick. Home with Jessica at last.”
THE END