Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 1
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Here is another story by me. Y’all
responded to the first one so well so I thought I’d post this one too, I
hope y’all enjoy it! Please let me know what you think of it and send
feedback to [email protected]
thanks!
Summary: Nick and Jessica are married, he is a lawyer with his
own firm, and Jessica is a singer from
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Rating: NC-17
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 1
Day 1
So close ... so close ... so close
She feels Nick's body still then contract, before with a
guttural unintelligible cry, his climax hits and he pumps erratically. Jessica
tries frantically to catch his rhythm.
She's so close ... almost there ... one more ... just one more
His quivering body slows and she fears ever making it. Her head
tosses against the mattress in frustration. Her hips grind desperately against
him seeking her own release.
So close ... just one more ... she's so close
Just as she believes his body will become a dead weight and all
her efforts will be in vain she feels his hand sliding down between them. When
settled it rubs against her, helping her on her way. She'd begun to lose hope.
Lamenting she should have known not to agree to anything tonight. Not that she
remembers whose idea it was to start anyway. It's one of those times when
you're half way there before you even know you've begun. But that's not the
point, the point is, she's not going to finish dammit.
Lips press against the hollow of her neck and then a warm wet
tongue runs slowly up and up and up until lips find her ear. "Let it
go" she hears as his hand stops rubbing and grasps her hard and suddenly
she's there.
Muscles clenching, body trembling, nerves on fire, shattering,
her body exploding, the bright white energy inside bursting forth until she's
flying, losing breath, body and consciousness.
The next thing she's aware of is a warm body under her, its arms
smoothing down a back now bared to the air. She cannot think of a better way to
return to life. Sheets slide up her body, her lover determined to keep the air
from her cooling skin. She'll appreciate it later she's sure but right now the
two of them have created enough body heat to keep her more than warm. She rolls
off him and onto her side. His body follows her. Their foreheads rest together,
stilted breaths fanning flushed faces. His hand rises to her shoulder then
slides down her languid body until coming to rest on her hip. Fingers span and
stretch possessing as much of her as he can. His other arm is outstretched
above the pillows, fingers gliding through her hair as his eyes gaze into hers.
Her palm rests over his heart, holding it secure. It beats fast
and strong. She hears it through her fingers, pumping in her veins. Her free
hand rises to his face, cups his cheek, wiping the moisture pooled there on
whisker kissed skin. She breathes in deep and long. Smelling sweat, sex and the
unmistakable scent of the man she loves. She thinks she'd like to kiss him but
sleep takes hold relegating her desire to another day.
Day 13
Hanging up the phone Nick grabs Jessica's hand as she walks past
the desk. "Dance with me" he croons pulling her into his arms.
Laughing she says "There's no music"
"We don't need music. Listen to it in your head."
She gives him a quizzical look.
Spinning her away then back he says "Someone taught me that
once ... but we won't get into that"
"Ah a woman" Jessica grins.
"No I was dancing with a guy. Justin and I love to dance
together."
"Thank you so much for that image baby" she laughs.
"But I like dancing with you better."
"Really?"
"Yeah you're easier to dip" he says and demonstrates.
When he raises her again her hands drape around his neck
"Why are you so happy?"
As they reach the couch he collapses them onto it. Leaning over
her he holds up his hand "I'm married" then drops it to stroke over
her hair "I have a beautiful wife..."
"And?"
"And I just scored Reds tickets."
"Baseball" she laughs "I should have known"
"Come with me?" he asks hopefully.
"Are we still talking baseball?" she cheekily asks.
His expression of disbelief amuses her "I .. I was
...yes"
"Ok then"
"Really?"
"Yeah"
He kisses her, delighted, then raising says "And what if I wasn't
talking baseball"
"The answer's still yes"
Day 25
Nick, having spent most of the night advising a client during a
police interview, finally arrived home just as much of
Having risen an hour ago, Jessica now stands in the doorway
between bathroom and bedroom, watching Nick sleep. His bare back golden in the
light from the window. His face burrowed into the mattress. Arms outstretched
above his head, mouth open slightly, breathing just loud enough for her to
hear. Her eyes love him, her heart loves him, her mind delights in him.
She wants to let him sleep, she knows how tired he is but she
has an overwhelming desire to speak to him. She's watched him for ten full
minutes now trying to decide what to do. Needs versus wants. In the end she
allows him to make the decision for her. She knows him and she knows to be
woken is what he'd choose. She walks over slowly and lays her body atop of his,
her arms crossed along his shoulders, her chin resting upon her joined fists.
Her feet only reach to his calves and she runs her toes over the edge of the
muscle she finds there.
It takes a while for Nick's body to react under her. When a
grunt is heard and he shifts his head on the pillow she leans her chin forward
and whispers into his exposed ear "Are you awake?"
His grumbled reply sounds suspiciously like a 'no.'
"Pity, because I want to tell you something" she again
whispers nuzzling against his cheek.
"Later ... m'sleep"
Jessica's hands run along Nick's arms. She rests her head atop
of his. They lay as carbon copies of each other to which Nick makes no
objection. It's only the talking he has a problem with. He likes her being
near, likes to be cloaked in her scent, likes the feel of her warm skin and
soft cotton against his back, or is it warm cotton and soft skin, whatever, he
just likes her there.
Restless, Jessica soon becomes vexed by his inertia. With her
lips against his ear tickling his skin she speaks, asking "Baby, you sure
you're not awake?"
"I'm sure!"
She pushes up and off him. Her knees sliding to his sides as she
straddles his thighs. Her hands set about massaging his back. Working the tired
muscles hard. Drawing their tension up and out. His warm skin supple under her
touch. She watches it stretch and crease and marvels at it's strength and
beauty. This is who he is. This keeps him whole, keeps muscles, bones, blood
and ligaments joined in one beauteous package. It encapsulates his essence, his
smell, his warmth, it's a balm to her hands and body. Skin so soft so delicate
so strong.
Groans of pleasure greet each of her strokes. As her hands
finally reach his shoulders and neck she leans into his ear and asks "You
awake now?"
A mumbled "No" is his reply.
Sighing her hands run across his shoulders blades and then under
his body. Her fingers seek out and find his nipples. Giving each a light pinch
and twist she asks "Is there anything I can do to wake you up?"
"No" is again his reply but the tone is no where near
as firm as before.
A pleased smile crosses her face and her hands slide down his
chest and abdomen slowly, letting nails lightly rake. She watches the ripples
play down his back as his body, defying his mind, reacts. After insinuating
themselves under his waistband her hands reach their destination. Taking hold
of him she giggles softly and declares "It's a shame to waste this on a
sleeping man."
Seconds after her hand releases him he grumbles and rolls over.
Jessica still across his thighs rises then settles again when he's finished
turning. With a grin she looks at the results of her handiwork "Were you
dreaming about camping?" she asks still giggling.
His hand reaches up and, insinuating itself in the hair at the
back of her head, pulls her face down to his. He'll teach her to laugh at him.
After a thorough, tent enhancing, kiss Jessica pushes up from his chest and
settles again against his thighs. He gets his first true view of her. She's
wearing the shirt he discarded when he arrived home. Sleeves rolled up, buttons
undone, it gapes open revealing nothing but delicious, unfettered skin. Now
that is a sight worth waking up to.
His eyes scan her body then rise again to meet hers. Her face is
aglow, decidedly mischievous. She's up to something, exactly what it is he's
unsure, but the fact she is for all intents and purposes naked clues him in to
at least some of her plan.
"What's so important you couldn't let me sleep?" he
asks. The tone removes any animosity that can be found in his words. His active
fingers playing along her thighs distract her and a reply isn't quick in
forthcoming. He tugs on their shirt becoming impatient for a response.
She smiles down at him and says "I needed to talk to
you."
"Talk?" he almost squeaks in reply.
"Well tell you something really"
Her excitement is contagious and he can't stand being idle any
longer. Sitting up he slides back until leaning against the headboard saying
"Ok, I'm listening." He watches her face, he sees the explanation
come and go a number of times but still she's silent. Impatience sets in,
"Just say it!"
Nodding her head, she takes his advice. Her face brightens into
a glorious smile. She takes a deep breath and says "I'm pregnant."
End of part 1.
Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 2
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: Well here is part 2. Let me know what
y’all think. It’s kinda short and sweet again this whole story is
rated NC-17 just because. So I hope y’all enjoy it, it’s a HAPPY
Story everybody! I need to cheer us up since the other story! Hope ya like it!
Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read part 1
Disclaimer: Not mine…
Rating: NC-17
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 2
For a split second all the air is sucked from the room then it
rushes back in with Nick's euphoric "Holy cow!"
"Holy cow?" she laughs relieved and amused by his
reaction. "This is what you say to the mother of your child."
Nick's amazed he even managed to say that much. The feelings and
emotions are tumbling through his body at such a rapid pace there is no way he
could articulate any of them. Again his hand cups the back of her head,
"Come here" he utters. His lips meet hers and with them he expresses
his joy. Laying her down beside him, his mouth and body move over her, offering
the words he's too stunned to say.
'I'm ecstatic' her breast is told. It takes the message and
passes it on. Her heart hears first and increases its tempo. A heat pools in
her abdomen and her hips become restless to join in the fun. Message given and
received, his lips return to hers, leaving his hand to continue spreading the
word. As his palm skims down her side it takes a detour and comes to rest over
her womb. His mouth leaves hers and intense awed eyes express his unspeakable
joy.
"I know" she tells him, her hands framing his face,
"I know!"
His arms slide under her back and draw her towards him. He rolls
until she's lying above him. Her laughter fills the room. All he can think is,
she's so beautiful and she's his! He's immeasurably proud he's made her this
happy.
"What are you thinking?" she asks leaning over him.
Her hands entangle in his hair as she watches the wheels churning in his brain.
She sees embarrassment flash over his face and becomes concerned.
"What?" When he still doesn't appear to be going to speak she pleads
"Baby? Talk to me."
He pushes her hair behind her ear and chuckles nervously when it
refuses to stay put. He looks up into her inviting eyes and grins guiltily
"I uh ... I feel a little cave man actually."
She smiles sliding off him and laying with her head on the
pillow next to him. Her hand runs along his cheek turning his face towards her
"What do you mean?"
He shifts so they are both on their sides. He moves in close to
her pressing her body against his. "I'm proud of us ... of this ..."
he looks down at their joined bodies then up again at her face "of getting
'my woman' pregnant."
She giggles and teases "Me Tarzan you Jane."
He laughs "Yeah ... God baby I want to shout it from the
rooftops." Her smile drops and he becomes concerned. "What?"
"I don't want to tell people."
Suddenly the air in the room feels stifling "You are ... baby
you are happy about this aren't you?"
"Yes! God Nick yes. It's just too soon to tell. I mean I
can only be 4 weeks at the most." She smiles and drapes her leg over him
pulling him closer. "Just yet. I don't want to tell people just yet."
His hand runs gingerly over her thigh. "What else?"
"What?"
"Something else is bothering you." She rolls away from
him but he follows leaning over her "Tell me"
"Baby our original wedding day would have been two weeks
ago..."
"Your upset..." she puts her fingers to his lips
silencing him.
"I just don't want people thinking we moved it forward
because I was pregnant."
"That's not what happened."
"I know but... they'll think it when we announce so soon
that I'm pregnant they'll think it."
"Baby do you need the speech" he teases.
"No I don't need the 'Nick's is the only opinion that
matters' speech. I know it by heart now."
"You sure?"
"I'm positive" she kisses him letting him feel just
how sure she is.
"No speeches, good because I think we've done enough
talking already."
She grins "Communication is imperative in a marriage
Nick."
He leans closer against her "Maybe so but I have more
pressing matters to attend to right now"
"You want to go back to sleep?" she asks with an air
of innocence and a finger twirling in his hair.
"Sleep? No, sleeping is not on my agenda."
"Hmmm I like the sound of that. If you're suggesting what I
think you're suggesting you're a little overdressed though"
He smiles and shucks out of his boxers. She welcomes him back
into her arms and cradles him with her legs. Their lips and hands and skin
continue the conversation. Soft and slow, treasuring the feel of each other. He
loves the feel of her under and around him. So small, so strong, so soft and
now carrying a new life too...
"Wait! Should we do this I mean with you being..."
Jessica laughs "Sex is good for the baby Nick"
He rises up on his elbows and looks down at her surprised
"It is?"
"Well it's good for the mother and what's good for the mother
has got to be good for the baby."
"Good?" His face looks crestfallen.
"What?"
He rolls onto his back "I'm only good ... all this time and
effort and the best you can say is good."
She laughs "Ok how about incredible ... phenomenal ...
amazing ... wonderful...."
"Better" he rolls back to her side and rewards each
subsequent compliment with a kiss "much better"
With such pleasant rewards being proffered she continues
"...mind numbing ... body shattering ... outstanding feats of human endurance
that should be written up in...." she stops her face contorting to a
frown.
"What? Written up where?"
She giggles "I'm trying to think of some medical texts but
God baby while you're doing that my thought processes aren't exactly clear all
I can come up with are law journals."
He smiles "Could certainly make studying consumer law more
interesting."
"Baby?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are we still talking?"
"Jessica communication is imperative in a marriage" he
smugly says.
"Shut up and kiss..." the rest of her sentence is
cutoff as he obeys her command.
"Better?" he asks pulling away slightly.
"Much!" her hand draws him back again.
He allows his weight to settle on her again. His eyes scour hers
for signs of discomfort. She smiles up at him. Her delight evident in the glow
of her face. "You're so beautiful" he hears himself saying. Sometimes
the words poor out without intention surprising both of them. Her eyes have a
way of unlocking his soul. When she reaches up and draws his mouth down to hers
he's glad he said it he doesn't tell her that enough.
"I love you" she says reverently when their mouths
separate.
"Lets see if I can do better than good" he teases.
Laughing she says "Nick want to know where I'm most
sensitive?"
His eyes darken and the arousal, interest and elation crossing
over his face is a little overwhelming. Her fingers raise and touch the center
of her forehead. His eyes roam from that spot back to hers.
"Sometimes all it takes is you entering the room."
Compelled by the swell of emotion in him he joins their bodies,
whispering "I love you" to her as he does so.
Her head tilts back and her mouth opens on a silent cry of pure
delight. He watches her. She's so beautiful, body and soul. He wants more of
her, he wants to see it all, gathering her to him he rolls so she's above him.
His world, his vision, his love all there before him.
She raises up on her arms, her palms pressing against his
shoulders and her eyes bore into him. Her body glides over him as she whispers
"Everything ... after that... is just ... a bonus."
He watches her take everything he has to give. Her breasts
heaving with each life giving breath. He hears a chant of 'so beautiful' and
doesn't know if it's his mind or his voice. His hands slide up her body, across
her breasts then over her shoulders as he attempts to draw his shirt off of
her. She lays against him, chest to chest, stopping his action.
"I want it on baby" she says against his ear then her
lips travel across his jaw line and settle on his mouth. "I want you
everywhere" she says continuing across the other side of his jaw "Can
never get enough of you" his other ear is told.
She rises again looking down at him and his hands run over her
telling her he feels the same. They settle on her sides, his thumbs caressing
the swell of her waist. His eyes following their action. Amazement, joy,
wonder, incredulity. "A baby" he mouths when his eyes again meet
hers. Her eyes are moist, the power of her emotion evident.
"Are you ok? ... Shouldn't you feel sick?"
She shakes her head. "No ... not at all ... I feel great
... I feel ... fantastic"
"No kidding!" he says and framing her face draws her
mouth to his.
"Have you ever heard of second trimester hormones" she
asks peppering his face with kisses.
He chuckles "Just the name scares me"
She raises enough to look into his eyes. He feels her breath
wash over his face. Clenching as she glides she whispers "They can make
... a woman ... incredibly ... incredibly ... horny."
Groaning he draws her against him and rolls them over,
"You're going to kill me" he vows before all coherent conversation
ceases.
End of part 2.
Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 3
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you
very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I
hope you like this part! Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-2
Disclaimer: Same as always!
Rating: NC-17
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 3
Day 40
She wakes, as usual, with
Nick's hand in her underpants. Jessica laughs to herself at how easily that statement
could be misconstrued. Despite where his fingers lay there is nothing sexual
about his touch, not yet anyway, give him time to wake and for thought to
dictate his actions. For now it's all about love, a ritual of longing and
devotion.
Since Nick’s known
about her pregnancy his hands have developed a fascination with her abdomen.
His hand protectively rests there when idle. Though he cannot feel the baby yet
she's sure he'll be the one to know the first moment you can. She smiles
thinking there'll be no need for sonograms, a father's loving hand will know
all there is to know.
Every morning she wakes
to it's pressure and warmth. His thumb resting against her navel, his fingers
spanning wide, their tips creeping below her waistband. If she wakes him with
just the right kiss he can easily be persuaded to move it ... lower. She feels
a steady throbbing arise at the mere thought and turns her face to his.
Pressing her mouth to him she nibbles on his lips. It takes a while but
eventually his lips respond, then a sleepy tongue seeks entrance. No sooner has
it brushed against hers then she feels an unwelcome jolt.
Although her reaction is
immediate she barely makes it to the bathroom in time. Nick is there beside her
before she knows it. Gathering her hair from off her face, tying it then
offering her a wet cloth. "I guess it was too much to expect this would
never happen" she says wiping her brow.
"Ah so it's
pregnancy and not my morning breath that's to blame" he jokes rubbing her
back.
She chuckles and warns
"Don't make me laugh" as she reaches up for the hand which is gladly
given.
His thumb rubs across her
wrist and he tentatively asks "You ok?"
"Yeah" she
sighs, resting back against the wall, "I'm fine."
After a while when the
color seems to have returned to her face he asks "You hungry? I could make
us some eggs." Her face turns green and he instantly regrets it as he
watches her body's reaction. Grimacing and rubbing her back he says "Sorry
... Bad joke."
"Ugh my mouth feels
horrible" she moans as she leans against the wall again.
Immediately he gets her
toothbrush and passes it to her. She looks at it and then him "You've
forgotten something."
"No dry first then
if your stomach doesn't react try some water and if it copes with that you can
have paste."
She looks up at him
curious but he turns and busies himself at the basin. He looks across at her
questioning face then with a sigh and a pained expression.
She smiles at him,
grateful for help. He pours her a cup of water then walks to her side. They nod
at one another. I'm ok, you're ok, we're ok.
Day 50
Nick enters the bedroom
and suddenly stops. From this vantage point he can see Jessica, sans clothes,
preparing for her bath. His eyes are automatically drawn to her body.
Previously had he been asked what a pregnant woman looked like all he'd know to
say was a big belly. He'd even admit almost his first instinct on hearing the
news was to check for signs of a bulge. He's fascinated by the changes in her,
by the fact there's a life growing inside that he played a part in creating. .
As there is nothing
tangible for him to hold onto yet it's all still so hard to believe. Even the
changes in her body don't scream out baby on board, not to him anyway. At least
not in the way he'd expected. There is certainly no bulge, if anything her
stomach is flatter than it was before. She's lost weight which is hardly
surprising since food no longer agrees with her. Actually a lot of things don't
agree with her. Her sense of smell has become more acute causing some rather
dramatic reactions. Nick had to change cologne because Jessica threw up every
time he approached her. That was a humbling experience but fortunately they
quickly realized the cause. Changing colognes was not a big deal to him but she
laments the loss of one of her favorite nasal sensations. He said he'd stop
bathing altogether if she thought that would suit her better. She assured him
she didn't think that would be necessary.
Hiding in the shadows he
watches her now. Once upon a time he would have known for sure he was welcome
to join her, now nothing is certain. At times they seem on a roller coaster
with both barely holding on. He never knows from one minute to the next if he's
the love of her life or the bane of her existence. She hates how moody she's
become and finds little consolation in the fact it is a by product of pregnancy
and therefore something she has no control over. Control has always been
important to her. Lately she has been fearing that her control is slipping
away, taking with it other tenets: compassion, reason and strength, leaving
behind a woman she barely recognizes as herself.
Nick feels a little
guilty watching her when she's unaware but he wants to see her. He'd be open
about it if he could guarantee tonight she wanted to be seen. She turns and his
eyes survey her waist. His hands can span her sides now and his fingertips
almost meet in the middle a fact that pleases her more than him. She laments
it's destined to change. Her small waist barely warrants a second thought from
him as he finds another new facet of her body far more intriguing.
Jessica's breasts seem to
get bigger everyday and Nick likes to go to a considerable effort to prove that
theory. Her new body turns him on to such an extent, seeing her before him like
this, he can barely think straight. At first she felt disheartened by his
enthusiasm as if previously he'd thought she'd been lacking but he assured her
that wasn't the case. It isn't so much the new dimensions but the implication
behind them that most blows his mind. Not that he doesn't like the dimensions
too.
Last night as they lay in
bed he'd teased her that women pay a lot of money for breast enlargements but
she only had to sleep with him to get them. Her reply, as she turned her back
to him, was if breast enhancement had been her objective then there was no need
to have sex with him anymore. This was an opinion he was compelled to prove
wrong. He does believe he put up a very convincing argument if the contented expression
on her face as she drifted off to sleep was any indication.
Watching her now he'd be
quite happy to debate it with her again but she's been quiet tonight and he
doesn't feel it's right to try. Jessica moves out of his sight and he hears the
water ripple as she slides into the tub. 'Shows over' he thinks sadly. He's
about to move from his perch against the door frame when he hears a much
welcomed purr "If you bring me a cold drink I may even let you join
me."
Nick doesn't have to be
told twice.
Day 63
'It's the end of an era'
Nick thinks as the car comes to a stop. From now on they'll be thought of as
Nick and Jessica, parents to be. As proud as he is of that, he's enjoyed
keeping it secret. At first he wanted to tell everyone, but now he's content
with the silence, although he's almost let it slip a few times. It's the first
time in a long time they've had anything that is just between them. Once it
becomes known their business becomes everyone's business. When a child is involved
people feel they have a right to know everything and everyone knows best what
should be done. So much of their relationship is played out in public that
having something that only they know has been a thrill. Part of him wants to
shout the news from the rooftops but part of him wants to keep the secret
still. He feels a pang of regret that they are here now for dinner at
Cacee’s with an announcement to be made.
He sighs and looks across
at Jessica planning to ask if she's ready to go in. Their eyes meet and he sees
his own desires reflected in hers. No words need to be spoken. A whole
conversation is carried out with a look and a nod. A night spent among friends
announcing their news or a night spent in each others arms coveting their
secret. Nick reaches for the ignition as Jessica reaches for her cell phone. He
holds in his chuckle as she offers the lamest of excuses but the moment she
disconnects he laughs loudly "You're a hopeless liar."
"Well next time I'll
do the driving and you deceive our friends" she retorts.
Nick's forced to pull the
car over and kiss her with delight at her belief there'll be a next time. That
her passion is as strong as his always amazes him. That she'd willingly drop everything
now and in the future just to be with him is a fact he finds little short of
miraculous. It's these moments that remind him why he so loves this woman by
his side.
Day 79
Jessica stands letting
the water pour over her but she barely notices it. Her mind is churning going
over and over the performance she has to rehearse for today. She's going to be
in her husband’s hometown and she’s nervous because of the way
people have reacted to their relationship. Her hand skims over her abdomen
thinking about her own child. It all becomes that much more crucial when she
envisions the life she's carrying.
Nick opening the shower
curtain startles Jessica out of her musings. His face is pure concern when he
asks "You ok?" She mumbles a reply clueing him into the fact it's her
mind not her body causing today's delay. His eyes, compassionate and secure,
never leave hers. His query brings voice to her morning's mantra.
"I've got to do good
Nick, if I don't do good..."
Nick doesn't allow her to
continue in doubt stopping her by voicing his belief "You will." When
her responding look is one of uncertainty he voices it again, more insistently,
"You will!"
The certainty in his eyes
assures her. She draws from them strength and nods her renewed belief. It's
only then he allows his eyes to drop and scan her naked body. The corners of
his mouth draw up as he says "Especially if you turn up looking like
that." She laughs and her hand pulls on the open collar of his shirt until
his lips are close enough for her to thank him for reviving her joy.
A quick kiss and then
Nick backs away allowing Jessica to climb from the tub. Watching her he moves
into protective mode, questioning her on her food intake, her strength, her
stress levels. Groaning she wraps the towel around her and leaves the room.
Just because she knows he's doing it to help get her psyched for today doesn't
mean she has to appreciate it. Well she does but that doesn't stop her from
complaining.
They continue to bicker
and banter as she gets ready for rehearsal and it's not until she climbs into
the car that she realizes she hasn't worried about her performance for over
half an hour. Nick's grin tells her he knows her thoughts.
"Just drive!"
she grumbles and is delighted with his answering laugh.
Day 85
Nick's head is churning,
worrying about the implications of Jessica's outburst. (She had come and stayed
in the office with him after her rehearsal today and she was there during the
firm’s meeting) He doesn't think its pregnancy. She was nauseous this
morning but no more so than usual. Something definitely has her upset though.
The way she pounced on Justin and her embittered "She should be shot"
are not examples of normal Jessica behavior. He saw the looks exchanged around
the conference table after that and quickly changed the subject to get the
attention off of her. His own attention was harder to shake though, his
thoughts were constantly returning to her, wondering what has upset her so. As
the meeting finishes up Nick says "Jessica, in my office."
She looks up but too late
to meet his eye. He's already out the door and walking away so she gets up and
follows him. He stands in the doorway and closes the door behind her after she
enters.
"What's wrong?"
they ask simultaneously.
Smiling she motions for
him to go first and he asks "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine,
why?"
"You were acting a
little aggressive in there."
"What? I was
not!"
"You bit
Justin’s head off and told him his client should be shot ... that's
normal behavior for you?"
Jessica grimaces and
turns away walking towards the couch "I'll apologize to Justin."
"Baby I'm not
worried about Justin. Are you ok?"
"It just ... it made
me so mad. How can a woman have so little compassion ... 8 months pregnant Nick
and she's smoking crack ... its insane!" Her voice rises as she speaks her
anger escalating again.
"Calm down”
"I won’t calm
down! Nick have you ever seen a crack baby? Do you have any idea what a
painful...?”
He walks towards her
grabbing her hand. "Hey stop it!" She looks away from him and he tugs
gently on her hand drawing her attention back to him "What's really
wrong?"
"I'm scared"
she says quietly.
"Of what?"
"Baby I'm so close
to the end of the first trimester now and ..." she looks down.
"What? Tell
me?" he steps closer forcing himself into her field of vision.
"The likelihood of
going full term increases after that and ... I'm afraid to prematurely believe
it's going to work out. I'm afraid the moment I do and let my guard down
something will go wrong and so when I hear of someone whose baby has fought 8
months to stay alive so callously put it at risk like that ... it's ... it's
incomprehensible Nick and I ... I just saw red ... I'll apologize to
Justin."
He runs his hands along
her arms soothingly and she looks up at his face. She can tell she has
surprised and unnerved him. She didn't mean to make him fearful too. His
optimism has soothed her for so long she'd hate for him to lose it. Especially
now, with Scott's debacle, he needs something good to hold onto. She drops her
head against his chest and as his arms encircle her as she says "I'm sorry
baby."
"Shhhh its ok ...
our baby's fine Jess nothing's going to go wrong." She nods but no where
near convincingly enough for him. He moves away enough to be able to look at
her face "Remember what our baby is Jessica?"
"What's that?"
"Half you and half
me which means it will be so damn stubborn nothing will make it budge. It will
be sticking around to torment us in our old age just you wait and see."
She smiles and returns to
his arms "I hope so"
"Everything will be
ok baby" he promises rocking her gently, hoping it's a promise he can
deliver.
End of part 3.
Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 4
Author: Jessica
Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you
very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I
hope you like this part! Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-3
Disclaimer: Not mine!
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 4
Day 90
With an air of despondency Nick sat on the end of the bed, his
elbows resting on his knees and his head sunk into his hands. He found it hard
to believe it had come to this. Jessica was slowly driving him insane. He'd
tried everything but no matter what he said he merely dug himself a bigger hole
to fall into. In the end the only choice he felt he had left was to leave. So
here he is hiding out in the bedroom feeling for the entire world like a
coward.
Well if he's here he may as well make it an early night he
decides and rises to change. He's returned from the bathroom and is setting the
alarm when he senses her presence. He decides it's probably the ten foot ball
of 'Nick's an insensitive jerk' air she carries with her everywhere at the
moment that alerted him of her arrival. Her aura has a way of sucking all the
life out of a room and his body tenses instinctively as she approaches.
Jessica watches him and thinks if he could always look like this
then maybe she could handle living with him. He does have a nice back and he
fills out a pair of black silk boxers well. His dark hair starkly contrasts the
smooth pale skin of his neck and beckons her to slide her fingers through it.
Just as those silk clad cheeks tempt her fingers to cup and knead. She can't
touch him though as then he'd turn and she has to contend with his face. Those
know it all eyes and that smirking mouth. She sighs and shakes her head. She
notices he's supposedly still checking the alarm and knows he just doesn't want
to turn and meet her eyes. Guilt washes over her. How did they get this way?
"Baby" she says taking a step into the room determined
to heal this rift.
"What?" he replies and the animosity she hears
re-ignites her wrath.
"Forget it!" she storms into the bathroom slamming the
door.
He turns around in time to see her immediately open the door
again.
"No I wont forget it. Nicholas we need to talk."
'Here we go' he thinks and walks back to the foot of the bed and
sits ready for lecture number 203 of the day.
"I just thought ... I thought this would make us
happy" she says.
"I am happy" he snaps back. His manner, his tone, his
whole demeanor screaming otherwise. He doesn't mean to snap at her but when
you've been on the defensive for so long it's hard to let your guard down.
Jessica looks down at him wondering why she bothers. His eyes
narrow as he looks back up at her. She snarls, "Well you've got a hell of
a way of showing it" and returns to the bathroom.
Nick flops back on the bed and stares at the ceiling wishing
somewhere up there was written the dealing with Jessica code. He knows some
days he's as much to blame as her but today he can honestly say he thinks he's
innocent. All he's done all night is try and help but no matter what he said or
did it was the wrong thing. He's been considerate. Hell for him he's been
angelic but it has made no difference. He's public enemy number one and just
needs to learn to live with it.
He hears her return to the room but doesn't make a move to
acknowledge it. Nope the ceiling is just way too fascinating for him to drag
his eyes away from, even for Jessica. He feels her hand brush against his hip
and his eyes close under the weight of the realization she's going to insist on
getting his attention. Her fingers play with the edge of the leg band of his
boxers. As she rubs it back and forth her nails lightly tickle his thigh. He
expects her to speak but she doesn't. The only sound in the room is their
breathing.
Nick turns his head and looks at her. Her eyes are focused on
the actions of her fingers and he moves his hand to still hers. She looks at
him then and sighs at what she perceives as rejection. He sees genuine
contrition behind her anger and feels that maybe this time they will actually
talk. He allows his own manner to relax, determined not to be confrontational.
He can do supportive, he's been practicing.
She steps forward and sits beside him on the bed. He stays where
he is and watches the tension play over her back.
"Baby" he says quietly, hoping to kick start some form
of resolution.
"Please don't speak" she replies and he's surprised to
hear despair in her tone.
His hands raise from the mattress and drop again in a
questioning gesture but with her back to him she doesn't see it. It was more
instinctive then communicative anyway. He returns to perusing the ceiling sure
in the knowledge nothing is going to happen under his terms so he may as well
wait to see what hers are. Sure enough he soon hears her mumble "I hate
this"
"What?" he asks gently.
Jessica stands and Nick fears his one word has set her off again
but she merely turns to look at him. She looks so.... He doesn't know what it
is she looks like but it's not his Jessica.
"Can I ... Baby can I say something ... hateful ... without
you getting hurt?"
He sits up and opens his mouth but she presses her fingers
against his lips. 'Oh that's right no talking' he remembers. He nods at her and
lets his face tell her what his voice isn't allowed to.
"I'm ... I'm going insane Baby I swear it ... and ... and
you're the cause. Every time you speak it just grates on me and ... what's
worse is I know you're not really to blame. It's me ... I'm moody and annoyed
and ... I know I'm being unreasonable but I just can't seem to stop myself. I
hate this."
He reaches out and takes her hand encouraging her to sit back
down to the bed with him.
"I hate that I'm moody and I hate that I'm taking it out on
you and I hate myself..."
He pulls on her so she's lying flat and, turning to face her,
hovers over her and says "Enough! That's where I draw the line Jessica.
Take it out on me I don't care, hate me all you want but don't start hating
yourself."
"I don't hate you."
"It feels like it sometimes."
"I know and I'm sorry."
"It's ok. Don't be sorry."
"It's not ok. Baby you wouldn't even look at me
before."
"That was my mistake I should have been more..."
Jessica remembers exactly why he's driving her insane. She feels
patronized when he treats her like this, like she can do no wrong and he has to
be the one making all the sacrifices because she's pregnant and can't be
expected to act normally.
"For God's sake Nicholas!" she says trying to push him
away.
He sits up "I give up!"
Turning to look accusingly at her he sees anxiety on her face
"That's what I'm afraid of" she says so sadly he relents and lays
back down with her.
"What do you want from me?" he asks stroking her
hair...
"If I knew that do you think I'd be making us both so
miserable?"
"You're not making ..."
"Baby I love you but you're driving me insane!"
He moves his arm so he's trapping her under him and caresses her
cheek trying to remove some of the tension there. "The feelings
mutual" he whispers.
They look at one another tentatively. Eyes trying to interpret
what minds cannot understand. Her hand raises and cups the back of his neck
drawing his lips to hers. He's surprised she's kissing him he certainly saw no
desire to do so in her look. Acrimony yes arousal no. But that this kiss is
designed to arouse is without doubt. He knows her kisses and his body
definitely recognizes this one. If this kiss doesn't prove that no matter how
well he knows her she'll always be a mystery to him nothing would. He'd been
assuming he'd end up on the couch tonight not in her arms. He worries its only
guilt making her do this and pulls out of the kiss.
"Are you sure you want this?" he asks, his eyes
unconsciously telegraphing how much he does.
"Yes!"
Her reply sets him in motion. His kisses travel over her jaw,
down her neck and across her chest. His hands actively explore the body that
monopolizes his dreams.
"Baby I ... I'm so frustrated" he hears and smiles.
Rising off her he sits and his hands reach under her nightie and
draw her underwear down "I can help with that" he promises in his
huskiest tone. He knows what that tone does to her.
To his disappointment she says "No not like that" as
she kicks the material away. "Come back up here."
He moves back up the bed fearing once again he's read her wrong.
When her arms encircle him he feels encouraged to continue what he had been
doing. She seemed to like his kisses before so he zeroes in on her neck again.
"What I meant was ... I'm ... I've got ..."
He stops kissing her neck and pulls away to look at her. When
she hesitates before continuing he encouragingly asks "What?"
"I'm frustrated ...
I ... I need to ... I want control over something ... I feel ... I want to be
aggressive."
His eyes darken and with the slack jawed look on his face she
fears he's about to drool on her. The insistent prod against her thigh alerts
her that someone is very interested in what she just said. He leans more fully
against her and with a mischievous grin asks "Are you going to hurt
me?"
'Please please please' she thinks she sees his eyes say. Proof
to her he has no idea how much pent up emotion she really feels. There is so
much broiling inside her she's a little afraid of how far she might go but he's
obviously underestimating how she feels. 'Time to show him' she thinks. Pushing
him off her she rises to her knees and says "Not intentionally."
He lays back still grinning up at her. She leans over him and
presses her lips against his. She pushes his hands to rest on the mattress by
his head after he tries to touch her. Holding them there she kisses him
furiously. His moan reverberates through her. She can feel his excitement in
the heat radiating off his body. She stops seconds before stealing his last
breath and smiles as he gasps for air when his mouth is released. He's not so
cocky anymore. Behind the arousal in his eyes she sees the realization dawn
that he may well be in trouble.
Moving away from him her hands grip the waistband of his boxers.
"These have got to go" she says and barely gives him time to raise
his hips before she drags them off. She looks immeasurably pleased with his
startled reaction and before he's managed to compose a response she straddles
his hips and, lowering herself, sheaths him in her warmth.
"Good gawwwwd" he groans as his body expresses its
startled response. He has no objection to foregoing foreplay but this is like
turning up to an audition and having the curtains open onto an opening night
crowd. He might be taken by surprise but the show is definitely going on. As he
wills his body not to betray him yet he can hear his heart beating furiously
and realizes his eyes are screwed tightly shut.
Opening them he looks at her amused eyes. 'Payback' he thinks
and reaches out to touch her but she grips his wrists and signaling with her
eyes towards the headboard says "Keep them there."
Being the obedient boy he is he grips the spindles of the
headboard and keeps his eyes glued to her. He's never seen her like this before
and he's fascinated. She's completely still and just watching him. Nick
suspects she's waiting for him to misbehave so he stubbornly doesn't. Her hands
move from their resting place on her thighs to his abdomen. Slowly softly she
trails the backs of her fingers up his sides sending a barrage of sensation
through his body. She continues trailing her fingers across his skin until the
tingling tension is almost unbearable. That such a soft caress can so ignite
him amazes and torments him adding to his sweet torture is the fact apart from
her hands she isn't moving.
He feels on fire, trapped in her heat, consumed by it. He feels
it permeating into him, swelling him to the point where he fears if she doesn't
move soon he's going to explode. She's surrounding him, bathing him in heat.
She's taken him into her, owns him now and shows no sign of ever letting him
go. As much as he's quite happy to never leave he needs to move. His body cries
out for it and he can't hold back anymore and keep his sanity. He wants to buck
underneath her. He needs friction before the pleasure crosses the line into
pain. It feels so good it's too good and he fears he's one second away from
unbearable.
The chant of 'have to move have to move have to move' has been
increasing in fervency throughout his body and he moans desperately
"Lindsay!"
Her hands still then move to flatten against his hips. Resting
there they balance her and subdue him. He understands their message; she's in
control, he's not to move, this is her show. If it will get him what he wants
he won't argue. Slowly she rises until he almost slips from her. Her snail like
pace after such a long anticipation intensifies the sensation along every inch
of him. The cool air on his skin after such prolonged heat is almost enough to
make him lose it completely.
Again his eyes slam shut of their own accord and as his breath
catches in his chest he thinks 'Ohgodthisisjusttoogood!' He waits for her to
slam back down again knowing when she does he'll be buried so deep he'll never
find his way back out. Right now he can't imagine ever wanting to be out
though. In fact he wants back in but what's taking her so long. His eyes open
and as if she was waiting for just that she begins to move again.
Jessica lowers herself just as slowly as she'd earlier raised
and Nick lets out a long groan that had he been able to form words may have
been Ohgodyou'regoingtokillme.
Jessica continues this excruciating pace. Taking what to Nick's
fevered mind feels like five minute to rise and five minutes to fall. All he
knows is it is tortuously exhilarating and he needs to be able to move within
her. His body is crying out with the need to thrust up into her. To grab her
hips and slam her down against him. The pace is killing him he needs so much
more. He needs her to speed up before he goes insane.
Nick can hear someone begging and wonders if it's really him the
longer she continues the more out of control his body feels until he's frantic,
desperate to act, wanting it to stop, wanting it to never end, out of his mind
with sensations and emotions he can't express and becoming delirious with the
need to act and for release.
Jessica had no idea when she started this that she would make
him wait so long but then she had no idea this pace would feel so good to her.
It may be tortuous for him but for her it's phenomenal. She can feel each nerve
ending being stimulated as he slides through her, the slow motion heightening her
sensitivity until her body screams and burns, until she believes she can feel
each molecule drawing apart ready to explode and send her into the ether.
As if in sympathy with the pace she's set she feels a bead of
sweat slowly travel down her body, through the valley between her breasts, down
down the path Nick's hands would take if she hadn't forbid their use. It
reminds her of her love to be touched and she looks at him almost as if she'd
forgotten he was there. His head is thrashing against the sheets, his white
knuckles gripping the spindles, his mouth begging, half in silence half in
words for her to stop, to continue, to help, for more, faster, harder, more.
'Oh he's ready' she thinks and puts her final plan into play.
Just when Nick thinks the torture can't get any worse Jessica's
body clenches gripping him tighter as she rises again. It feels like his whole
life is being drawn up out of him as she moves. He hears a plaintive cry and
pities the guy who sounds as if he's dying but oh what a way to go! Barely able
to focus he looks up at her and is surprised to see her looming closer as she
slides back down. Her body braces over his. Her hands no longer staying at his
hips but resting besides his head. The heat and pressure as they lay chest to
chest is so welcomed. He wants to touch her. He wants to wrap his arms around
her and lose all his pent up emotions in her. Her breath warms a path along his
neck as she moves to whisper in his ear. He hears her say "Do it" and
loses all ability to think.
Flipping them he's pounding into her seeking the release he'd so
long desired before he even knows he's moved. His body is in charge now, fully.
His mind focused only on how incredible it feels and how much more he wants to
feel. No thoughts are put into his actions just a primitive instinctual quest
for pleasure. When he feels her muscles clenching around him of their own
accord and her body buck under his as she murmurs his name he erupts. His body
exploding, his mind pummeled with sensation while his hips continue to thrust.
Shock waves ripple through him as he feels her hands urging him on, drawing him
closer, and exalting him.
Collapsed over her he suspects it may have been three days
before he found the strength to gather her to him and roll over. He'd talk,
he'd kiss her, and he’d do something if only he could get a single muscle
in his body to respond. He feels her fingers running through his hair and opens
his eyes seeing concern on her face. He summons all his energy and smiles at
her and is pleased at the relief that washes over her face. She lies against
his chest and he croakily says "My God baby what was that?"
She giggles nervously and rises to look at him again. Her hand
cups his cheek as she asks "Are you ok?"
"Depends" he says "Am I still in one piece?"
Apart from the joy of having her against him he really can't feel a thing. Just
a heavy, although wonderful, lethargy.
"You don't see me anymore Nicholas" she quietly says
leaving Nick wondering if he lost some brain cells or whether she is just not
making sense.
She's leaning over him and looking deep into his eyes. He feels
she's got him right where she wants him; too tired to move and too stunned to
comment. All he can do is stare back. Disappointed by his silence Jessica turns
and sits up.
Feeling her draw away both physically and emotionally Nick grabs
onto her arm. She turns back to look at him and he sees tears in her eyes.
"I just ..." he starts to say but doesn't know how to continue. He
sits up and while doing so considers what she said. He doesn't understand it
one bit. How could she say he doesn't see her? He delights in looking at her.
Watching the changes in her body, the joy in her eyes, the excitement and
incredulity that he knows equals if not surpasses his own. He looks over at her
and says "I don't know what you mean by that."
"You only see ... " she sighs torn between saying it
and risking getting him mad at her or just learning to live with it.
"Baby" he pleads.
She looks at him. Sees in his eyes the confusion he feels, knows
if she can ever make him understand her it's now. She moves towards him, kneels
over him and again straddles his thighs although the purpose this time is so
their eyes are level. His hands hesitantly raise then rest on her thighs. 'I'm
here, I'm listening, don't run away' is the message they send. She quietly
begins to speak.
"You don't see me ... you only see this person you think I
am now ...'Pregnant Jessica' ... but that's not who I am. I'm pregnant Nick but
I'm still me. I want you to see me. I miss the way you used to look at me; the
way you'd touch me, hold me, make love to me ... You never lose control
anymore. You're always so cautious, so gentle, and protective and ... I'm still
here but you don't see me."
"That's what this was? You wanted me to see you?"
"No I wanted you to forget me."
"What!"
"I wanted you to forget who you think I am, forget
everything and just be you. I wanted to see you ... to see how you really feel
without you holding back. I wanted to feel like you want me."
"Baby you know I do."
"I need you to trust me baby."
"I do!"
"No you don't. I tell you everything is fine and you still
hold back. I need you to believe if I say it's good it is good. If I say I want
it I do want it. I'm pregnant ... I'm not fragile."
Nick nods hearing what she's saying but feeling it's impossible
for him to do as she asks. He can't not look at her in awe, in adoration and
with a fierce desire to protect her, its how he feels and he can't change that.
The longing in her eyes though tells him he has to try. Then he realizes it's
not that she doesn't want him to feel those things but that she needs to know
he feels them and more. As well as his pride she wants his passion. He has to
let himself give in to his emotions, he has to let her see how strongly he
feels.
Jessica sees her message has got through and decides to let him
off the hook a little. She lies down and holds her arms out to him. He slides down
the bed and lies besides her drawing her body back against his. His hands slide
over her back as her cheek comes to rest on his chest.
"Tonight felt wonderful baby"
"Incredible"
"Tell me how it felt"
He rolls them over and looks down at her questioning face. How
can he put into words what she did to him? "It was ... it was like every
breath would be my last but I wanted to take it anyway..." her smile tells
him he's doing well so he continues "it was agonizing, it was frustrating
but it was exhilarating. I didn't know what I wanted more ... for it to never
end or for it to stop all I knew was I wanted you."
Jessica pulls him down so she can kiss him then rolls them so
she's on top again. She slides off him and plays her fingers across his chest
while speaking quietly into his ear.
"Baby how you felt ... every inch of you crying out for
relief ... frustrated to the point of ... that's how I feel sometimes ... only
... only for me there is nothing I can do to relieve it. Does that make any
sense to you?"
"Tell me what I can do to help?" he asks turning to
her.
"Nick there isn't really anything you can do. Just be
supportive ... but not too supportive."
"That clears things up so much Jessica,"
She laughs and raises up on her elbow. "Tonight you were
too much, cloyingly so. I was feeling trapped and you ... God you were so
persistent and so smothering ... Every time I turned around you were there when
all I really wanted was space."
"You should have told me."
"I did but you were so busy trying to fix everything you
weren't listening ... sometimes the supportive thing to do is to walk
away."
"Yeah but then you miss me and come looking for me."
"Actually I was just tired and ready for bed."
"Liar!"
She giggles and relaxes against his chest. "You're trying
too hard Nicholas. Don't try and be perfect because Perfect Nicholas is a pain
in the ass I'd much rather have you."
"Perfect Nicholas?" he laughs "And who am I?
Flawed Nicholas?"
Jessica's fingers run over his face, rasping through the stubble
they encounter there. Her eyes become entranced watching their journey and her
answer is lost before she's thought to voice it. Sensing her mind wandering
Nick moves his head enough to cause her fingers to brush against his mouth.
Capturing a finger lightly between his teeth he draws her attention back to
him. When she looks at him in momentary confusion he asks "Who am I?"
Remembering his earlier question she smiles and lowers her mouth
to his. "You're my Nicholas" she whispers as their lips touch.
They share long languid kisses, little movements, little
touches, licks and nibbles, shared murmurs and breaths. Jessica pulls away so
she can look at him and Nick sees the shutters slowly closing over her eyes.
"Let's get some sleep" he says and without speaking
she sidles against him and her breathing evens out almost immediately. Although
she has given him a lot to think about, his body has other plans and he quickly
follows her into sleep.
Day 94
"Don't touch!" Jessica hisses for the fourth time in
as many minutes. She figures she should be grateful Nick is giving her a taste
of what parenthood is like but she isn't. Their technician is running late, she
needs to pee ... badly, and Nick is annoying her. She knows its nervous
excitement, and she loves him for it, she just wishes he wasn't so painful when
he's being adorable. He sits in the technicians chair and again reaches out for
the equipment. "Baby!" she warns but he ignores her. Picking up the
speculum he talks to it as if it's a microphone and he's a sporting commentator
"Yes folks we have the formidable Jessica Lachey laid out before us
now..."
"You do realize where that goes?" she asks and watches
as comprehension sinks in. The look of horror on his face as he puts it back
before shooting out of the chair and across the room is worth the fact she
almost wets herself laughing.
Finally the technician enters the room. Nick's guilt ridden face
and deer in headlights look garners a second glance from her and she smiles
thinking you can never be sure of the reaction of an expectant dad. He hovers
as far away as possible. Jessica recognizes the squeamish look on his face as
the gel is spread over her stomach. She can almost hear his cry of 'too much
information.' The technician noticing the direction of Jessica's gaze turns to
Nick and says "You won't have much of a view from over there dad."
Nick's eyes light up at the title and with a smile he walks
towards Jessica's outstretched hand. He rests his chin on the pillow beside
her. She watches him grow with pride as they listen to their baby's heartbeat.
His face scrunches in concentration as he tries to decipher which glob on the
screen is his child. When he finally recognizes an outstretched foot without
being prompted he feels happier then he ever remembers feeling. He kisses her
there and then, witnesses be damned, and that act alone proves to her more than
any words could how much this child means to him.
Five printed pictures later and with a video in hand Nick is a
walking talking ball of energy as they walk towards their car. "God that
was incredible!" he says for perhaps the 5th time "The heart was
beating, you could see it on the screen, amazing! You should have seen
..."
"Baby I was there!" Jessica reminds him and he laughs.
They reach the car and he turns and stands before her. His eyes
so vibrant so alive. He kisses her tenderly, reverently, his hands smoothing
down her arms. One snakes in to rest where their child lays. "We just saw
our baby" he says awed.
Jessica nods, "Yeah" she says softly. No words she can
come up with are powerful enough to express how she feels. She doesn't need to
tell him though. He knows.
"Let's go home" Nick says and Jessica smiles.
They'd had plans for the day. They'd intended to take advantage
of the fact that neither was working this beautiful spring afternoon and really
make a day of it. She's quite happy to forgo that idea though as she's sure
they can make some wonderful memories at home too.
"Ok" she says and the pleasure that flashes across his
face tells her she made the right decision.
The drive home is an experience. Jessica doesn't think she's
ever seen Nick this animated. He hasn't stopped talking since the sonogram
finished, he's normal controlled demeanor is lost in a body that can't keep
still and his smile is blinding. As he pulls up outside their house he looks at
her, she looks at him and they laugh. The emotions coursing through them are
too many and too intense and they need release.
By the time they reach the front door clothes are already being
shed. She opens the door and feels herself being rushed through it then
suddenly her back is against it and the vibrations as it slams shut behind her
set her body on fire. Or maybe that's Nick's hands and mouth doing that. She
tugs on his shirt until she's managed to get it un-tucked and her hands
underneath. He's just as desperate for the feel of skin and the sound of a
button hitting the floor alerts her to how fevered his actions are. She pushes
him away enough to move her body away from the door and start heading in the
direction of their bedroom.
His hands and lips stay in contact with her until the jacket
she's attempted to remove from him tangles his arms. He shrugs it off quickly,
followed by the t-shirt that has become bunched around his chest. Leaving them
behind without a second thought. The predatory look in his eye as he follows
her down the hallway sends a rush of heat through her. Her own shirt drags
along the floor. She managed to remove one arm but the other hand holds the
precious pictures and video. She cannot let them go, they're too beloved to
merely be dropped to the floor. As her legs hit the bed and she falls back she
finally allows her fingers to release their grasp. He's joined her in a
heartbeat, their lips and limbs a tangle of desire. Clothes are quickly
discarded and they make love amidst the scattered images of the fruits of their
love.
Later they order takeout and watch their new favorite video
before making love again. Nick's passion has been re-ignited. Jessica's unsure
whether it's because he's taken notice of her plea from last week or, through
watching the strong rhythmic heartbeat of their child, he's come to realize she
contains strength not fragility. Either way she is more than pleased with the
result.
"I'll never forget today" he whispers to her as they
lay in bed that night.
"Me neither" she replies "I've never wanted to
pee so badly in all my life"
It's a wonder the neighbors didn't call the authorities after
the frantic shriek that soon ensued from the room but maybe the laughter that
followed was their saving grace.
Day 103
"How's flipper doing?" Nick asks walking into the
kitchen.
Jessica looks up from her seat at the table and laughs
"What have you been smoking?"
He kisses her and whispers "I'm high on life" then
leans back against the countertop.
"Flipper?" she asks.
"Well we can't just keep calling it 'it'. As you wouldn't
let us find out what 'it' was we can't use he or she so we have to call it
something."
"And the best you could come up with is flipper?"
"Well what do we know about it except it makes your stomach
flip."
She rolls her eyes. "A name is a cute idea baby but I'm not
calling my baby flipper."
"Not even for me?"
She looks up at him and is pleased to see only mischief in his
eyes. Thank goodness she was afraid he may have had his heart set on it.
"Not even for you" she says.
"I'm devastated" he mumbles.
Jessica rises from the table and sliding her hands up his arms
says "Let me make it up to you."
Devastated would not be an acceptable adjective to describe
Nick’s reaction.
Day 111
He hears a startled cry of "Baby!" and runs to
Jessica's side. She's standing in the bedroom, a model of concentration, with
her hand clutching her belly.
"Oh God! What's wrong?" Nick asks beginning to panic
but she looks up at him and beams.
"He moved?"
"He?"
"It .. her ... him ... whatever. Baby I felt
movement!"
"Did you have beans for lunch?" he teases walking
forwards and laying his hand beside hers. She laughs long and loud alerting him
to just how overjoyed she feels. Normally that type of comment would have been
met with either a groan or a swat.
He moves to stand behind her, cradling her body with his. Their
staggered hands cover every inch of her abdomen. She rests her head back
against his shoulder, his breaths puffing by her ear. They are silent, faces
turned to one another eyes expectant and anticipatory but nothing happens. He
lowers his mouth to her ear and whispers "I think your shriek scared him
off."
Jessica giggles, too euphoric to take any offence. She's felt
life inside of her. Felt the proof of the rewards of their love. Rubbing his
thumbs softly against her skin Nick soothingly says "It's ok your mommy
isn't as crazy as you might think ... I kinda like her and I know you will too
... so come say hello ... it's safe daddy's here now."
Jessica laughs again and Nick smiles never having had it so
easy. Her laugh is cut short by another flutter and she doesn't have to ask if
he felt it too it's written all over his face. He lets go and moving to stand
in front of her drops to his knees. His cheek rests where his hands had been.
She runs her hands through his hair.
"Can you hear anything?" she asks curious.
"Um ... hang on ..." an awed "yeah!" fills
the room.
"Really?" her fingers still. "What..." she
begins to ask but he motions for her to be silent.
He listens intently then quietly, thoughtfully says, "It
sounds like ... he's complaining about no TV"
She pushes his head away but his hold on her is too tight for it
to have an effect. Chuckling, his cheek resumes its place against her, her hand
cradles it there.
End of part 4.
Title” Every Season Has Its Change Part 5
Author: Jessie
Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me
feedback thank you very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and
Jess! In this part of the story Scott Wallace is briefly mentioned…this
is an old friend of Nick’s who is in trouble for murdering his wife and
Nick helps him as his attorney. Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please
send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: See 1-4
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine!
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 5
Day 115
Nick approaches the front door with a mix of excitement and
trepidation. Which incarnation of his wife will he find there tonight? She's
riding the pregnancy roller coaster now and he's just holding on for dear life.
Yesterday they'd traveled home together, perfectly happy, perfectly sane. He
left her alone for ten minutes while he changed out of his suit only to return
and find her a mass of tears on the couch. He was mortified until she calmed
enough to explain she'd just seen a long distance phone commercial.
He couldn't help it, he laughed, which set her to crying again,
only this time lamenting the fact she'd become one of those people who cries at
sappy commercials. He found her adorable but wasn't silly enough to say so.
Usually he doesn't mind teary Jessica; at least she likes to keep him close.
She doesn't ask much of him, just a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold her but
some of the other Jessica's he's met lately scare him.
In fact drill sergeant Jessica terrifies him. Unfortunately
she's been making regular appearances of late. It's a delicate balancing act
keeping her appeased and not losing his own cool and he's really not up to the
task tonight. Today has been a tough day and Nick's afraid, for once, he
won’t be able to curb his temper. Although it has come down to him
walking out and spending a few extra hours at the office in the past, tonight
the office is the last place he wants to be. He looks down at his watch and
grimaces knowing he's an hour later than he said he'd be. That could spell
disaster. If there is one thing the sergeant likes, its punctuality.
He's not in the mood tonight for a berating, or even tears for
that matter. No he wants the woman he married. The one who can soothe him with
a look, a touch or a gentle word. He knows, when the hormones allow it, she's
still there. He hopes tonight will be one of those rare times when his Jessica
greets him as he walk into the house.
Slowly he opens the door. Looking in he sees no dragon lady
waiting for him with her hands on hips and a scowl on her face. That's a good
sign he thinks and takes a step in. No sappy love songs drifting through the
rooms, no weird noises suggesting a frenzy of illogical activity, it feels like
... home. He smiles and turns to close the door, as he's snapping the lock in
place he finds himself slammed against the wall. "About time" he
hears in a voice an octave lower than he's heard in a while and the blood starts
pumping south in reaction. He's spun around and lips are attached to his before
he's had time to consciously react. His briefcase is dropped and his arms reach
out to find ... skin.
"God" he moans into the hot mouth harassing his so
incredibly. Her hands are just as busy, pulling his shirt from his pants,
undoing buttons and then sliding up his bare chest. They reach his shoulders
then push off the offending articles of clothing. He lets her go long enough
for his overcoat and jacket to slide off his arms but unfortunately the shirt
has other ideas. The cuffs stick around his wrist trapping him. Whimpering in
frustration she tugs on it uselessly until he shakes her off so he can undo the
cuffs himself. He'll be in a straight jacket if she has her way he thinks. Not
that the thought of being tied up and ravaged by her doesn't have it's appeal
but earlier he managed to touch skin and he wants more than anything to touch
some more. He counts himself fortunate he had the foresight to remove his tie
before arriving home or he could have been in a dire predicament right about
now.
Jessica makes herself busy as he untangles his hands. Buckle,
button, zipper and his pants are around his ankles. He'd guessed her intent and
toed of his shoes before they could get in the way. Dropping his shirt he steps
out of the mess of clothes and she's back in his arms where she belongs. Her
hands, distracted from their mission to remove his boxers, seek out the
rippling muscles of his back as his mouth again descends on hers. Unfortunately
with no one offering directions their progress is only as far as the opposite
wall missing the hallway by two feet.
'Close enough', Jessica thinks as she's trapped between two
deliciously hard surfaces, 'enough time wasting.'
Her arms wrap around his neck and she feels his hands cup her
thighs. Knowing he's supporting her she wraps her legs around him and feels him
lift her up. Her shoulders are pinned against the wall as he braces them there.
She can feel him moving around her but only cares that she can taste him, his
hot warmth, his skin and his mouth. His moans echo through her body as they
leave his mouth and enter hers. This is what she's needed. His hands leave her
but she's holding on tight enough for both of them. Nothing will separate them
now. She kisses him and kisses him and for good measure kisses him some more.
As wonderful as it all feels she decides his hands are taking too long to
return. How hard can it be to remove a pair of boxers? So what if she's
stealing his breath does she have to do everything?
She allows one leg to loosen its hold and her foot travels down
until it encounters a waistband. His knees leave the wall as he straightens to
allow them to drop. With a push of her foot she helps send the obstinate article
of clothing on its way. She then trails her toe up his thigh. "God"
he moans again as his knees threaten to buckle. Her mouth finds his neck very
tasty. She sucks on it loving the feel of the blood pumping in his veins. His
hands return to cupping her. She feels him dance and kick the boxers away. He
shifts her trying to get their positions just right and she growls in
frustration. 'C'mon already!' she screams inwardly as her mouth is too busy
harassing his to vocalize her thought.
Finally he's right, he's free, they're ready and he's there. Her
hands and hips grip him while she hisses in joy and relief at this long
anticipated joining. Nick looks into her eyes, they're feral, dangerous. She's
going to consume him and he knows he's about to enter oblivion, willingly. This
is too good. Surely it must be illegal to be this good. Arrest him now because
he isn't stopping for anything. He briefly wonders is this safe for the baby,
should they be doing this but his body doesn't listen to any arguments his mind
offers. It's off and running propriety be dammed.
More ... hot ... tight ... more ... God so good ... more ...
harder Finally his body's delight reaches his brain and it begins cataloguing
its reactions. "Wait" he pants but she pays him no mind. Her body
lunging and undulating driving him deeper and deeper. He can barely think he
just knows he has to do something before it's too late. "Wait!" he
cries again but the fact not even his own body is responding to his entreaty
doesn't bode well for her to heed him.
"Stop!" His impassioned plea finally penetrates.
'What? Now? Is he insane?' runs through her mind but only
"Wha?" is voiced.
"Hold on"
"What?"
"To me"
"I am"
"Tighter!"
So she does. Not that she thought there was any slack between
them.
"Don't let go" he warns and still confused she just
nods.
Next thing she knows he's left her and she's in freefall. His
hands span her back protecting her skin as she feels herself sliding down the
wall. The crack of Nick's knees against the floor echoes through the room
signaling the end of their descent. Concern doesn't yet register as the abrupt
landing jolts her when pelvic bone meets pelvic bone. She cries out when the
shockwaves ripple through her. 'So damn good!' she thinks followed by 'Can he do
that again?' When the ripples calm enough for her to intelligently process what
happened it occurs to her that that had to hurt but his face isn't registering
any pain. No he's watching her explode in pure delight. Tomorrow she's sure
will be a different story. Then he'll be limping and sending accusing looks her
way. The idiot. What the hell was he thinking? He could have broken his knees.
"God baby are you ok?"
He chuckles "I don't need to ask if you are."
She laughs then moans "I was too heavy wasn't I?"
"No! No, no no. Too good! You were killing me." He
kisses her face then moves to her neck "Too good Jess... jelly legs ...
not weight."
Her hands play in his hair soothingly "You sure you're
ok?"
"Yeah, just had to make you safe while I still had a
modicum of thought in my brain."
"Modicum? Three syllable words Nicholas I must be
slipping."
She feels a tug on her ear and knows he's caught it with his
teeth. Feeling him rise up on his knees she wraps her legs around him again.
'Jelly legs ... no kidding' she thinks barely able to form pressure.
"You ready?" she hears and answers him in a way that
cannot possibly be misconstrued.
She finds, with great pleasure, his knees are in no way damaged.
Her own frenzy now satisfied she's able to direct her attentions to him. He's a
more than grateful recipient and she finds herself being drawn towards the edge
again. She summons all her strength and will and takes him over with her.
The next thing he knows is he's returning to his senses, laying
on the floor with a warm body curled against him. Fingers plying through his
five o'clock shadow, lips suckling his collarbone.
"Is it too late to say honey I'm home?" he mutters and
is greeted by peels of laughter. He grins and encourages her mouth to join his.
She kisses him then quickly returns to her prior task. He smiles at the
contended noises she's making. This is heaven and he's happy and quite willing
for this Jessica to come out and play again, often.
"You'll have to leave my wife should be home soon" he
teases and teeth bite down on him before a warm mouth soothes the skin. The
marks she leaves declaring, he is all hers. Like he didn't already know it.
"The next house we have needs padded floors" he says and smiling she
rises, tugs on his arm until he stands too, then leads him somewhere far more
comfortable to rest his battered body.
Day 128
As she walks into Nick's office Jessica tiredly asks "You
working late?"
He looks up from the page he's been mulling over and says
"The Wallace appeal is tomorrow." Not that he's actually done any
work on it in the last half hour but he feels he should. He takes a close look
at her and is concerned by the unsettled look on her face "You feeling
ok?"
She nods and wearily says "I'm fine."
Nick recognizes it as her 'I'm tired and was hoping to go home'
look. Thinking over the events of this morning, Lea's announcement and
everyone's overjoyed reaction, he knows Jessica has had a real day of it. He
remembers how concerned she'd been about how they'd react but her fears proved
unfounded.
There was an excited energy in the office all morning. No
sideways glances or calculators to dampen their joy. Every time he caught her
eye there was delight there. As much as he's loved these secret months he's
proud of their impending parenthood and pleased to finally be able to openly
express it. The more changes he saw in her each night the harder it got to keep
quiet during the day.
"I'm glad it's out ... It was hard for me to keep it
secret." he says and her answering smile pleases him. He knows the
announcement didn't occur the way she'd wanted or planned but she doesn't seem
too upset about it.
She leans forward over the desk and says "Nicholas I didn't
take the pregnancy test here."
His brow furrows. He knows this; he's unlikely to ever forget
the day she took the test. He wonders what her point is.
"Did you order that book?" she asks referring to the
book Lea discovered in the office; ‘What
to Expect When You’re Expecting.’
Defensively he answers "Me? No!" He knew better than
to bring anything pregnancy related to the office. She did drum that into him
quite vehemently. He watches her as she stands straight again, deep in thought.
"That little witch tricked us" she utters.
So much for her not being upset he thinks, then notices it's
intrigue not agitation that has her worked up.
"Either that or somebody else is pregnant."
The look in her eye suggests she likes this idea. He can see her
now investigating this avenue. He doesn't believe it for a second. Jessica's
got to be reading too much into things. Who else in the office could possibly
be pregnant? It's crazy.
"Wouldn't that require one of them to actually be
dating?" he argues.
"Not necessarily it only takes once." She's amused by
the surprised look on his face. He can be so old fashioned sometimes or, as
Cacee calls him, prudish. "Baby are you trying to tell me you've only
slept with women you've dated?"
Nick leans back in his chair smiling as he looks at her. She
tilts her head alerting him she's still waiting for an answer. "I uh ... I
haven't slept with every woman I've dated but yes I've dated every woman I've slept
with." Jessica is about to comment when he says "Although there was
one rather stubborn woman who refused to sleep with me until she was married.
She had some bizarre term for it ... now what was that term again? ... um ...
abstinence? ... I think that's what she called it. I didn't think it necessary
to argue semantics with her not when her passion could be put to much better
use in other areas." His face turns very wistful as he says "I wonder
what ever happened to her?"
"I heard she got married."
"That guy is the luckiest man alive."
She grins at him "You're such a smooth talker Nick"
"That's not all I'm smooth at ... come here." He
reaches out and she walks around the desk to stand before him. His hands run up
and down her hips and thighs while his mouth travels along the skin bared by
the low neckline of her shirt. "So what are your plans tonight?" he
asks, his mouth having moved the V of the collar enough to uncover the hint of
a breast.
"I uh ... I was going to go home but uh ... if you keep
that up I may be forced to stay."
He chuckles, his mouth and hands exploring further. Her hands
find their way to the back of his head and she's unsure whether she should be
holding him close or pushing him away. The man has talent she can't deny that.
"Baby" she says with more of a moan than intended
"We're not alone, Drew and Justin are here still ... maybe we
should..."
His hands leave her body and reach up for her head drawing it
down to meet his. He kisses her softly then whispers "You'd better be
quiet then hadn't you." She feels herself drawn closer to him and his
mouth returns to her chest. His hands skim down her back before making their
way under the hem of her shirt. They rest there, hot and hard against her skin,
bracing her sides, his thumbs moving enticingly against her skin. Goose bumps
and tremors rise in her with each stroke. She worries about his face being so
close to her breasts, her nipples feel hard enough to poke his eyes out.
She should be stopping him, she knows she should be stopping him
but doesn't get any further than a breathy "Baby." It certainly
wasn't the warning authoritative tone she was going for.
Without letting her go he stands and she's forced backwards
until perched against his desk. His mouth raises to hers and he kisses her
hungrily.
When he moves from her mouth to the crook of her neck she moans,
"God Nicky if you're planning on stopping do it now."
"I don't want to stop" he says but at the same time he
slows down. His hands withdraw from under her shirt and come to rest on her
hips. His forehead rests against hers and he says "Next time shut the door
when you come in."
Jessica laughs and pulls away. Raising her hands to frame his
face she asks "When has a closed door stopped anybody around here?"
He laughs and she moves her hands from his cheeks to his shoulders. They hook
behind his neck and rest there.
He smiles at her "True." His face now free he leans
forward and begins nuzzling her neck. "If we fire them we'd get some
privacy."
"There's a flaw in that plan" she says as if seriously
considering it.
He pulls away then moves to the other side of her neck, she
arches it to be helpful. "I don't see a flaw" he says.
"If it's just you, it will be work, work, work."
He stands up looking at her disappointed "We can't have
that now can we, so what's your brilliant solution?"
"Hire lots of associates, milk a percentage of their wages,
they work, they earn the money, we reap the benefits and conduct all our future
business through the wonders of technology from our bedroom."
Amazement spreads over his face as she speaks. "I like the
way you think"
"The way I think?"
His eyes roam over her and with a grin he leers "Amongst
other things."
She laughs then pushes away from the desk. "I'm going home."
He looks down at his papers "I could take this with me and
work on it later."
"Do you really think you'd get out of bed to do it?"
He shakes his head "Not if you're in it." He sits down
and picks up the paperwork looking at it. Jessica straightens her clothing
while watching him. As much as she doesn't want to leave him here she knows she
should. She's about to say goodbye again when standing he flings the papers to
the desk "Let's go" he says grabbing her hand beginning to walk to
the door.
She pulls him to a stop "Baby are you sure?"
"The facts on this aren't going to miraculously change
tonight. I've been over it all so many times I could do it in my sleep. I'm as organized
as I can be without Murphy's psychiatric assessment of Scott and I won't get
that until morning anyway." His hands moved over her concerned face as he
spoke. Drawing her towards him and planting a soft kiss on her nose he says,
"Lets get you home."
End of Part 5.
Title: Every Season Has Its Change Part 6
Author: Jessie
Author’s Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you
very much and thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I
hope you like this part! Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary: Read 1-5 (I did make reference to Scott Wallace earlier in chapter 5.
He was found guilty and Nick is working as hard as he can to get his friend an
acquittal and get him home.)
Disclaimer: Not mine!
“Every Season Has Its Change” Part 6
Day 132
"Hey" Jessica says as she walks into Nick's office. She sits on the
couch and looks at him expectantly. With Scott Wallace's retrial scheduled in
two weeks this is about as close to downtime as they get together.
"Had an interesting phone call today" he says looking up at her
"They want to do a behind the scenes documentary on Scott's retrial."
"I hope you told them no." Jessica says unimpressed with the idea.
"Well actually..."
"Nicholas!"
He rises from his desk and walks to the couch to join her. "I think it's a
good idea."
"I don't see how! God Nick, you're already feeling so much pressure here
why would you want a camera in your face every minute creating more?"
"Bay's agreed to it, which means it's in his face just as much. Hiller
runs a clean trial and ..." he grimaces as if the very thought is
distasteful "should we lose, the likelihood of appeasable issues is slim
at best. Richard's feeling pressure, he can't afford to lose this and just
maybe ..."
"You're hoping to catch him on something?"
He nods.
"Baby, Richard isn't stupid. He's already had the first trial overturned
because of a mistake; he's going to be by the book this time. This is going to
be won or lost on the facts don't go looking for stunts. This is desperate
Nick, even for you."
Hurt crosses over his face and he moves to rise from the couch. She quickly
grabs his arm "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh ... it's just ... Nick
I hate what this case is doing to you."
When he doesn't reply but his face is questioning she says "It's eating
you up inside, Nick you're hurting and you're shutting me out and I hate that.
I care about Scott, I really do, but I'm terrified for you."
He picks up her hand, watches it disappear, dwarfed by his own. He plays it
between his fingers, her warmth, softness and strength comfort him. Finally he
looks up into her searching eyes "I'm ok" he says, although they both
know it's a lie.
She knows there is no use pushing him on personal issues now so she sticks to
assisting him personally. "Baby you need to concentrate on the case, on
the facts. They have nothing but circumstantial evidence and you can
demonstrate that."
"If we could just get that tape..."
"Baby the tape is admissible. It's time to accept that and move on. Why
are you so afraid of it?"
His hand raises and rubs his forehead. "What was your first reaction upon
seeing it?"
"I never had an unbiased opinion of it Nick. You told me what was on it
before I ever saw it. What was your first reaction?"
"I thought he was guilty. I hated to but I did."
"But after speaking to Scott you changed your mind"
"Yeah he didn't do it Jessica."
"I know and Nick the jury will hear his story too."
"But the Scott who will be getting on the stand isn't the Scott from that
night. They are going to see an erratic angry man, not the real Scott. He's not
who he was, that man has already been destroyed. Jess if I was to hear his
story for the first time now I don't even know if I'd believe him. He's not who
he was."
"Then you'll show them that too.”
"I don't know if I can make him make sense up there."
"He's getting better every day Nick, you say so yourself. You'll get him
through it."
He looks doubtful.
"You will!"
"I believe it when you say it."
"Let's try this one then 'you will come home early tonight'."
He kisses her cheek and promises "I'll try.” With eyes focused
intently on hers he asks, “Baby, I want to do this documentary. When I
broach it with the others tomorrow, will you support me?"
She turns away closing her eyes on a sigh then turns back and looks at him. She
sees how much he wants this and says the only thing she can. "Yes"
The grateful look in his eyes makes her reluctance evaporate. He really needs
to do this. Maybe he can find an added strength in doing so, a security blanket
he can pin his hopes on. She'd agree to anything if it took the haunted look
from his eye.
YYYYYYYYY
Day 135
It's been a strange night and Nick is feeling a little displaced. They've
barely seen each other for a week. She's been asleep most nights by the time
he's dragged himself home and they've yet to have a morning uninterrupted by
phone calls. He'll be the first to admit he had hopes for tonight. Jessica
however has been a little standoffish. It is normally obvious when Jessica is
feeling unsociable, but tonight her signals have been unclear.
Her face shows only peace and amusement, she's been chatty and interested in
all he has to say, her hands have been active in connecting with him but every
time he's tried to touch her she's pulled away. He's confused. It's not exactly
a new experience for him. In fact he feels since the day they met he's had at
least one Jessica induced bewilderment moment a day. He'd considered
confronting her about her behavior, but she seemed so happy and it's not like
she's completely shutting him out, so he felt guilty about making a big deal
out of what is probably nothing. As with many things she does now he files it
in his 'weird pregnancy behavior' file and doesn't take it to heart.
As they were changing for bed she suddenly 'needed' a drink of warm milk that
'Nicholas' had to make 'now!' He returned to find her ensconced in bed, quilt
up to her chin, and the need for the drink seemingly forgotten. 'Again with the
weird' he thought and quietly went about his business.
Climbing into bed he moves to spoon up behind her. His hand reaches for its
favorite resting place but she pushes it away.
In frustration he sits up. "God Jessica what have I done now?"
She rolls to her back and looks up at him with a minx like innocence.
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't let me touch you all night" he blurts out while inwardly
kicking himself, remembering he'd planned on being above complaining about
this.
"You're crazy baby we've been touching all night."
"You've been touching me not me touching you."
Sighing dramatically she mumbles "Well you were bound to find out sooner
or later."
His heart drops to his stomach until looking up at him in amusement she throws
the covers off. Flinging her arms out so they're outstretched across the bed
she says challengingly, provocatively and damn sexily "Do it! Touch
me."
Sirens begin going off in his body as a chorus of cheers shout encouragement,
but in his mind the lawyer remains firm. There is definitely more to this than
meets the eye. Nick's suddenly afraid to touch her, afraid of the trap he may
be about to fall into. Her emerging smile shows his dilemma isn't lost on her.
More quietly with a tinge of hope and excitement she says it again "Touch
me Nicholas."
His hands move almost of their own accord to his new starting point, the home
of their child. They settle there and his brow creases, "What
the...” immediately the hem of her shirt is lifted, skin is revealed and
he laughs, "This one looks cooked now Mom" he says playing with her
new outtie belly button. He knows her tactic now. She wanted him to find this
new discovery where he could most value it when he did. "When did this
happen?"
"About quarter past four this afternoon."
He looks at her in amazement and she laughs at the fact he'd believed her.
"How did I miss this happening?" he chuckles.
"I've been starting to wonder that too" she replies.
His hands trace over her. So many changes happening to her. So much going on
whether he's here to share them or not. He hates that he's missing any of it.
With fingers trailing over the darkened line dissecting her lower belly he
looks up at her and asks "What does it feel like?"
"My new belly button?"
He chuckles liking the playful mood she's in. "Being pregnant."
"Oh ... you wouldn't cope for a second Nicholas."
His lips press against her stomach as he whispers "I know that." He
rises again waiting for an answer. She sees he's serious so she sits up leaning
against the headboard. Nick lays across the bed and rests his head in what's
left of her lap after the baby has been accounted for. Her fingers play in his
hair and his eyes look deeply into hers.
"I could detail it clinically for you. The pressure on my internal organs,
the twinges in my back, tired muscles, mood swings, exhaustion, swollen ankles,
sore breasts, I could go on and on..." she chuckles "but ... it
wouldn't really answer the question."
"What would?"
"I don't know ..." her hand runs over her stomach "knowing there
is a child in here, knowing that because of our love a new person is emerging,
part you and part me ... the look in your eye when we share this and ... the
joy and fear I feel everyday ... baby I don't know how to explain it to you ...
I don't think there are words for how this feels ... any I can think of seem
trite and clichéd."
Her eyes meet his then travel to the hand on her belly. "I think you know
anyway" she says and he smiles. 'I do' his face tells her. "I've
missed you Nicholas" she whispers and he beams.
He rises and moves to sit next to her, his hand stroking her cheek,
"Things will settle down soon then you'll be sick of me always being
around."
She places her hand over his holding it to her cheek. "I'll always want
you around" she vows.
Nick moves in, his lips brushing softly against hers before pulling away. They
smile and shuffle down until lying on their sides facing one another. His lips
meet hers again, soft and tender, 'I'm here' they say. They're in no rush there
is so much to catch up on. His hands, given free reign again, reverently
re-familiarize themselves with her changing body. While he's been busy
preparing Scott's retrial it had changed more than he ever expected. Jessica
holds on to him, her eyes watching his react to each new discovery, 'I love
you' their eyes tell each other and lips reinforce their vow.
YYYYYYYYY
Day 149
Jessica is restless. She paces the front hall as she waits for Nick to arrive
home. Her mind runs over the events of the week. She hated what Scott's case
had done to Nick. They'd faced losses before but losing the first trial was
something he took to heart, hating himself for letting Scott down. As he
watched a good friend lose his freedom and sanity through circumstances he
blamed on himself, Nick's own spirit was almost destroyed. With a shattered
confidence he fought not only for Scott's release but for his own.
He'd always been able to point to the rules of law to excuse his actions but
here he'd disregarded the rules. He ignored his client’s orders,
overruled Scott's wish to testify and the trial was lost. Jessica doesn't
believe this decision necessarily made a difference nor, she suspects, does
Nick. It is however something he can beat himself up about. It is proof that he
personally failed his client, his friend. No amount of assurances from her has
had an affect. He's taken it and every subsequent setback personally. Jessica
had insisted on sitting in on the case knowing the only way he couldn't shut
her out would be if she was with him through it all.
Two nights ago Nick came home shaken from his meeting with Scott. He had been
scared knowing Scott would be taking the stand the next day. Knowing the case
could potentially be won or lost then and there. He hadn't wanted to talk about
it with her. Lately he rarely wants to talk about anything. Jessica saw how on
edge he was and didn't push, but she wouldn't let him push her away either.
Instead she held him and talked to him of inconsequential. Anything to help
take his mind off the case... It didn't work. They both tossed and turned all
night; he concerned about Scott, she worrying about Nick.
She was surprised yesterday listening to him talk to the reporters after
Scott's testimony. Hearing the extent of his guilt so succinctly and honestly
stated. Gone was the ever confident, ever defensive Nick she knew. She wanted
to take him in her arms, implore him to believe her when she tells him none of
this was his doing. Instead she made supportive comments that she knows he
brushed off as something her loyalty obligated her to say. The fact he had a
closing to write was the only thing that stopped her from spending the rest of
the night insisting he see it her way. Instead she lay there alone hoping he
never again agrees to represent a friend.
His closing was strong but then she thought he'd tried a good case all along.
She couldn't see the mistakes he insisted he'd made. She remembers how she felt
watching the jury file in. The tension and fear burning off Nick as she sat
there hoping and praying the verdict would go their way. On the facts they had
a good chance and she believed the verdict should go their way. The problem
with juries is they don't always vote as the defense thinks they should.
As the verdict was read she breathed an enormous sigh of relief and turned to
hug Scott. She watched with pride as Nick did the same. Tears welled in her
eyes as she saw the unadulterated joy on his face. He'd needed this so much for
so many reasons. He smiled with a pure delight that couldn't be contained. The
type of smile she'd seen often after they'd first discovered her pregnancy. But
slowly Scott had swept Nick's ability to smile away. Sure he'd offer her
smiles, little up turnings of his mouth but the action hadn't altered his eyes
until the verdict came in. He looked at her briefly, long enough for her to see
deep inside of him and then his eyes skittered away.
Jessica was glad they did. There was too much raw emotion in them. She'd wanted
to hold him but knew one touch and she wouldn't be letting go. If he'd held her
then she would have sunk sobbing in his arms overjoyed with his return. She
suspects his own catharsis would have quickly followed. A crowded courtroom surrounded
by reporters, colleagues, strangers and friends was hardly the place for such
an occasion. Instead she took hold of their cases and returned to the office
while he guided Scott through the paperwork involved in returning him to his
life.
Now she waits for his arrival home. The anticipation has grown with each
passing moment. His smile keeps replaying in her mind. She wants to see it
again. She wants to feel it against her, to taste it, to hear him say her name
without the tension that's been inherent in his every thought and deed of late.
She imagines his body loose and laughing as long fingers drives her to
distraction. She wants him home now! They've survived one of the hardest trials
of their life and she wants to celebrate their return to normal.
She's told the office not to expect him in to work tomorrow. She's going to
insist he take the day to bask in his new found joy before he immerses himself
into work again. He doesn't know this plan, she's not sure when she'll confront
him with it but she will offer a convincing argument. Personally Jessica
doesn't mind the day off because she has nothing important coming up, working
on a new album in a couple months, but knows if she merely keeps Nick out
of the office he'll just end up working at home. Not under her watch he won't.
She has plans for him and they do not include work.
Jessica hears his key turn in the lock and hurries to greet him. She hardly
recognizes the man who walks through their door. He looks ten years younger.
Full of boyish charm and enthusiasm. The weight of the word has been cast off
his shoulders. His eyes shine brightly as he stands there in his shirtsleeves
grinning at her. Who knows where he's left his jacket and tie, right at this
moment who cares. His whole body and demeanor screams 'I couldn't wait to come
home to you.'
She takes a step towards him which seems to propel him into motion. His arms
are around her and she feels herself lifted high in the air before she realizes
he's moved. She's not sure who's laughter is louder his or hers. When her feet
again touch ground she looks up and sees the smile adorning his face. Her hands
cover his cheeks and she draws the smile down to meet hers. Their kisses are
short and sweet, interrupted by giggles and smiles. The novelty of feeling
happy making them a little delirious.
"How's Scott?" Jessica asks leading Nick towards the couch.
"He's home, he's relieved and a little exhausted. He said he just wants to
go to bed."
Jessica pauses and turns to him saying "I know just how he feels."
Nick nods then does a double take as he considered the ulterior meaning in her
words. Her smile widens as his eyes questions hers. His hand brushes over her
cheek, mapping the effects of the joy evident there.
"C'mon" he says and leads her away from the couch and down the hall
towards their room.
YYYYYYYYY
End of part 6.
Day
157
Title:
Every Season Has Its Change Part 7
Author:
Jessie
Author’s
Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and
thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! Thanks guys I hope you like
this part! Please send feedback to [email protected]
Summary:
Read 1-6
Disclaimer:
Nope sorry, not mine.
“Every
Season Has Its Change” Part 7
Nick
tiptoes into the kitchen. Jessica, who's facing away from him doesn't hear his
approach. Her first indication he's there is his loud "Boo!"
"Jesus
Nicholas you scared me half to death" she says after turning around. Her
hand rests over her rapidly beating heart. "You're early?"
His
laughter fades and he walks towards her "Yeah Scott wasn't home. It's a
good sign I guess ... means he's moving on, getting back into the swing of
things."
She
smiles encouragingly at him "Yeah it's a good sign" and opens her
arms to him. He willingly walks into them. Her hands run over his back
soothingly as she wonders when this ache, this guilt and regret will go away.
It wasn't enough that he managed an acquittal as the week has worn on Nick's
come to realize a part of his friend is still lost. He's visited each night,
checking on him, supporting him and encouraging him to live again. She feels
his hands slide into her hair and, cupping her head, he pulls out of her
embrace and smiles down at her.
"Also
good is you get me all to yourself an hour earlier."
"Mmmm
lucky me" she drawls rising on her toes stretching to kiss him. Their lips
meet softly at first. The whisper of a touch then faces turn and lips press a
little firmer. She nibbles on his top lip and the tip of his tongue peaks out
and glides across her bottom one. 'Mmmm more of that' she thinks and opens her
mouth to allow him in.
His
tongue slides past her teeth and enters her warm mouth. A quick brush of her
soft palate and tongue and he pulls away with a shriek. Her face instead of
registering surprise shows embarrassed amusement. "God baby what did you
eat?" He asks grimacing melodramatically.
She
becomes a little smug "I'm pregnant Nick do you really want to know?"
He
shakes his head 'no' and she watches his eyes scan the room. Her arms rise and
wrap around his neck. With her mouth next to his ear she whispers "I'm
married to a defense attorney Nick I know better than to leave incriminating
evidence lying around."
He
smiles thinking maybe he can replace the taste in his mouth with something far
more palatable, such as that elegant and conveniently exposed elongated neck.
So he does. As his nose begins nuzzling one set of cheeks his hands travel down
her back seeking out another. She smiles and leans into his touch. Soon the
desire to be kissing her again is too strong and he moans "Baby you know I
love you right?"
She
giggles and pulls out of his embraces "I'll be right back ... don't go
anywhere."
Shortly
after she leaves him he ignores her command and walks to the bedroom to change
while he waits for her to rid her mouth of its weird pickles, peanut butter and
something else he'd hate to even consider flavor. He's bent over stepping out
of his suit pants when arms wrap around him from behind. "I thought I told
you not to move" he hears and chuckles.
"I
thought..." he begins before a hand's inquisitive actions distract him
"I uh ... um ... God! ... Have I told you I love your second trimester yet
Jess?"
She
giggles "Yes often baby."
"I
uh ... I'm 'really' enjoying it."
"I'd
hope so or I'm doing it wrong."
"God
baby ... you're not doing it wrong"
He
grabs her wrist and reluctantly drags her hand away then turns and kisses her.
He walks her back and towards the bed. When her knees hit the mattress he tilts
her so they fall side by side on the bed. As one hand reaches down to drape her
leg over his hip his mouth begins to explore her mouth, her chin, her neck....
dammit ... Climbing off the bed he stands and pulling on her arms lifts her
back up too. Her eyes laugh at him asking 'what?'
"This
has got to go" he says reaching for the hem of her dress. "As much as
I love it, it has to go."
Jessica
looks at the appreciative way he's looking at her and feels warmth spread
throughout her body. As her stomach began to expand she wore lose fitting
clothes trying to cover it up firstly due to the fact no announcement had been
made and secondly to draw the attention away from it when she did perform on
stage (which was less and less lately). When the time came that she no longer
had anything suitable that fit she relented to Ashlee's nagging to go shopping
for new clothes.
Although
most of her purchases were modest Ashlee, in her ever persistent way, convinced
her to buy one figure hugging dress. 'It will make me look like I swallowed a
basketball’ Jessica groaned. 'I'll look terrible. I'll never wear it!'
she swore until she saw the look on Nick’s face after she reluctantly
modeled it for him. It never fails to amaze her how attractive Nick finds her
changing body. She believes she's beautiful when she looks at herself through
his eyes. The next day she went back and bought three more in similar styles.
Jessica's
hands raise above her head allowing Nick to draw the material up and off.
Before the task is completed he becomes impatient. With one arm draped across
her lower back holding her tight his mouth captures hers then moves on to her
delicious neck. As a consequence when Jessica's hands are finally free they
have no choice but to drop and wrap around his neck and shoulders. Oh the
hardship. He steps back, sits on the bed and draws Jessica into the V of his
legs. Her unclothed body is a magnet for his mouth. He travels slowly over it
savoring each inch. His hands remove her bra while his lips travel along her
collarbone. He pulls away to see what he's uncovered and his eyes light up like
a kid in a candy store. Jessica laughs at the expression on his face and
entangling her hands in his hair guides his mouth to where they both want it to
be.
Obviously
his mother never taught him it is rude to talk with his mouth full because
unintelligible phrases rise up to greet her. She'd inform him she has no idea
what he's saying but fears that may result in him removing his mouth to repeat
it and nothing is worth that. His hands slide down her body until they
encounter fabric which he again removes leaving her bare before him. His mouth
leaves her as he moves to give his attention to her other breast so she takes
this opportunity to step out of the fabric binding her ankles and lay on the
bed beside him.
He's
immediately there, pressing his body against her side while his mouth zeroes in
on its target. Her hands, again in his hair, encourage him in his endeavor. His
hands are roaming over her and the frenzy he can so quickly create in her
threatens to take over. She feels him chuckle against her breast and his hand
moves to rest on her hips. Its pressure stilling the almost frantic motion
there.
She
wants to cry out, she wants to grab his hand and force it five inches lower.
She wants to feel him in her now, wants the anticipation rising in her to hit
fever pitch as he sends her spinning out of control. She feels his mouth break
contact with her and hears the wet slurp of it leaving her breast. She wants to
pound her fists on his back until he returns it to where it belongs. But she
doesn't.
Her
eyes, which had squeezed tightly, closed in frustration, open as she feels him
slide up her body bringing one leg to rest in between hers. She moans at the
contact then allows her eyes to meet his as she prepares to beg him for what
she wants. She looks up at him and sees a promise of all she wants and more.
'We have all night' his eyes say and for the first time in a long time she
knows it is true.
This
isn't another desperate stolen moment. Tonight they have all the time in the
word. Nick leans over her, watching her, cherishing her. Her hands run over his
face mapping features so dear to her. She concentrates on the rasp of whiskered
skin under her fingers, his warm sweet breath anointing her face, the fiery
depths of his eyes and the delicious heat of him pressed against her as she
bids the urgency to leave her body. He remains still, waiting for her, watching
her.
She
closes her eyes thinking of all she wants to take the time to treasure. Each
glorious speck of his skin, his taut stomach, chest and arms, his sinewy legs,
the crease where thigh meets buttock and the dimples in his lower back, made to
accommodate her fingers. She opens her eyes as her fingers trace the m shaped
line of his upper lip. 'Mine" she claims it declares. Concentrating on her
breaths she attunes them to his until she feels composed enough to ask for
more. Her eyes meet his and she need only whisper "I love you" and
their glorious night resumes.
Day
164
Jessica's
arrival is heralded by Nick's office door slamming open then shut. She's the
only person he knows who can open doors as loud as she closes them.
"Hi"
he says.
"Do
you know what Milton did today?"
"No
what?"
"He
offered me a chair to sit with him since I’m on extended break from
touring."
"That's
nice..."
"Grrrrrr"
he hears as she walks out slamming the door again.
"...or
not" he chuckles watching her go. The safe bet he assumes is to let her
calm down. Jessica on the warpath is not someone you want to mess with. Not if
you want to remain in one piece.
Half
an hour later when he emerges from his office and asks where she is he's
surprised to hear she went home. He collects his things and makes his way to
the car park where sure enough the car is gone too. He catches a cab home
hoping to find her calmer than the last time he saw her. His first impression
on opening the door destroys his hope. The couch holds pillows and a blanket.
'Note to self, offering a chair is a very bad thing' he thinks with a grimace.
Hesitantly he makes his way down the hall to the bedroom only to find the door
shut. "Message received loud and clear" he mumbles.
He
takes a deep breath in preparation of the barrage sure to come and opens the
door. Jessica looks up as he enters. Her eyes stare at him, angry and accusing.
Nick doesn't bother to initiate conversation and merely goes about his usual
routine. If she's going to pick a fight she'll have to make the first move. He
removes his jacket and lays it on the bed. This warrants him another dirty look
and a grumbled unintelligible comment. He doesn't ask for her to clarify he
knows if anything will draw her out it is his silence. He turns his back on her
and sits down on the bed as he begins unbuttoning his shirt. There is a sharp
intake of breath as she prepares her attack.
"Well?
Are you going to listen to me now?"
He
doesn't bother correcting her and reminding her 'she' walked out on 'him'
earlier. There is still that matter of sleeping on the couch he's trying to
avoid. As much as he wants to give her an opportunity to rant, he'd rather not
have her wrath directed towards himself. He stands slowly and turning towards
her says "Milton offered you a chair and this upset you. Why?"
Having
expected a defensive argument from him Jessica's a little thrown by the
question. She stands in silence glaring at him as she decides whether to answer
or continue to try and pick a fight. His curious countenance and obvious willingness
to listen quickly sway her. The fight goes out of her and she steps towards him
saying "Because the way he did so was offensive."
"How?"
"I
had been sitting in with Drew and we'd adjourned to chambers, he realized he
didn't have a hope of out arguing me so he cut me off and asked if I'd like to
sit down before I got too overwrought."
"Son
of a bitch!"
"And
Judge Cane, I could see his reaction in his eyes, my argument was forgotten all
he could see was an irrational hysterical pregnant woman standing before him.
How the hell am I supposed to help y’all surrounded by men like
that?" Talking about it only heightens the emotion she's feeling and her
anger with Nick returns "And you're no better Nicholas!"
"Me?
What did I do?"
"Why
is it men see a pregnant woman and automatically assume she's weak. You get a
stomach and all of a sudden you're not allowed to have a brain, you're just a
good little breeder who should be sitting at home in an outfit with, with ...
with ducks on it and, and ... and knitting."
Nick
can't help but smile at her description and when Jessica sees this she gets
furious. Picking up a cushion from the bed she hurls it at him. He catches it
and puts it back on the bed then starts walking towards her until her eyes tell
him to back off. Sensibly he does. Resolve in his eyes he says "Baby I
don't see you as weak..."
"Baby
you make decisions for me all the time, you second guess me and ..."
"You've
been telling me off for that for years. You know it has nothing to do with your
being pregnant."
"Can
you honestly tell me you've never brushed off my behavior as purely a pregnancy
thing?"
"No,
but neither can you honestly tell me pregnancy has never affected your
behavior."
He
watches a little of the fire go out of her eyes and steps closer "Baby
I've never considered you weak because you're pregnant. If anything your
pregnancy has proved to me just how strong you are. You just keep going no
matter what life throws at you, whereas me, I stub my toe and I'm out of action
for a month."
She
sighs and gives him a small smile.
"Baby
you know I rely on you and your incredible brain every day. If I've made you
feel otherwise then I'm truly sorry. It has nothing to do with my opinion
having changed. Jessica I love you and yes I want to protect you but I've never
thought less of you. You know that."
She
nods then slowly walks towards him. Nick opens his arms to her. She drops her
head onto his chest and leaning into his touch says "He got me so mad Nick
but I had to hold it all in. I couldn't let him see he'd upset me. I shouldn't
come home and take it out on you."
"It's
ok I understand"
"All
the respect I've earned over the years is gone, I'm just a belly with legs now
and they're all sitting back waiting for me to fail. I'm going to have to be
ten times tougher just to be taken seriously again and I know you aren't like
that but ... you're still one of them and you're here so if I can't shout at
them .."
He
draws her away from his body and looking at her says "Shout at me all you
want just don't send me to the couch."
The
pathetic puppy dog look on his face makes her laugh and she wraps her arms
around him holding him close. She feels the anger in his body though and knows
she has one more point she needs to make "Baby if you've even considered
confronting Milton about this you'll be on the couch for life."
"Well
I'm hardly likely to admit to it now then am I?"
She
pulls away just so he can see the sincerity in her eyes "I'm serious
Nicholas, the last thing I need is my husband sticking up for me."
"I
know that and I won't, I promise."
"Good."
"But
that doesn't stop me wanting to flatten him."
"You
and me both."
His
eyes roam over her body and she sees the desire to make an increased weight
comment. Shaking her head at him she reminds him about the pillows out on the
couch and he shoots her an 'I'm totally innocent' look. She rolls her eyes in
response and then leaves the room.
Nick
finishes changing then goes to find her. He's pleased to see he couch has been
cleared as he passes it. Finding her in the kitchen he sets about helping her
prepare their meal.
"So
Cane's ruling went against you and Drew?" He asks reaching for their
plates.
"No
it was inadmissible"
He
turns and smiles at her "Like you said?"
"Like
I said."
"So
he did listen to you."
"A
fifth grader would have known it was inadmissible Nick it had nothing to do
with me."
He
places the plates on the table and looks up in surprise at her next words.
"Want
to know what happened next?"
"There's
more?
She
nods "He adjourned for the day because I'd had enough excitement."
"He
actually said that?"
"Not
in so many words but I saw the look he gave me."
Nick
doesn't bother arguing the point with her. Doesn't bother reminding her it is a
Friday night and Cane probably had plans for the weekend he was eager to get
to. Arguing about it isn't likely to change Jessica’s mind. Instead he'll
let her believe what she wants to believe and he'll believe what he wants to believe
and if he plays his cards right they'll get to believe it in the same bed
tonight.
End of Part 7.
Title:
Every Season Has Its Change Part 8
Author:
Jessie
Author’s
Note: For those that enjoyed it and gave me feedback thank you very much and
thank you to Andrea who helped me so much and Jess! In this part there is a
mention of someone named William Hinks…Jessica is sitting in with Drew to
help him on this case, William Hinks is a client. Since Jess isn’t
touring right now she’s going to help around Nick’s law firm.
Thanks guys I hope you like this part! Please send feedback to
[email protected]
Summary:
Read 1-7
Disclaimer:
Not mine! Well ones I make up are!
“Every
Season Has Its Change” Part 8
Day
168
Jessica
rises from the desk to walk to the filing cabinet. Three steps later she lets
out a sharp gasp and her hand moves to clutch her stomach.
"You
ok?" Justin asks walking quickly towards her.
"I'm
fine" she answers and takes another step before saying "Ow
dammit!"
"Is
something wrong?" Justin asks concerned.
"No
it's just the baby kicking me."
"It
sounds like you have a little Rocky in there."
Nick
walks into the office in time to hear Jessica say "Oh for God's sake
Justin don't you start."
"What's
going on?" Nick asks.
Justin's
expression is one of total innocence as he tries to compile a defense to a
crime he doesn't know…
"Your
child's doing a river dance on my bladder and Justin wants to name it
Rocky."
Justin’s
about to protest but is distracted by the delighted look on Nick's face as he
walks towards Jessica saying "There you go." When she greets that
with an eye roll and a playful shove in the chest Justin's curiosity gets the better
of him.
"What's
going on?" he asks repeating Nick's earlier words.
They
look up as if surprised by his presence, then with an embarrassed smile Jessica
says "Nick insists on nicknaming our child."
"And
Jessica won't let me" he adds.
"I
would if you came up with something reasonable."
"Rocky
is ok" Justin says "I have a cousin named Rocky."
"Yeah
Rocky's ok " Jessica agrees "Assuming it's a boy but it could just as
well be a girl."
"Rockette"
Nick says helpfully
"Rockina"
Justin adds.
"Oh
cut it out!" Jessica cries in thinly disguised amusement before walking
back to her desk.
Nick
walks up behind her and puts his arms around her before she can sit down. He
leans in and kisses the side of her neck as she relaxes back into him. When she's
nice and contented he mumbles "Rockita" eliciting a groan from
Jessica and peals of laughter from Justin.
"Do
not encourage him Justin" Jessica says sternly but no one is paying
attention to her complaints.
Nick,
still holding her in his embrace, is listing all the so far vetoed names for
Justin's complete amusement. He yelps though when Jessica 'oh so accidentally'
stands on his foot hearing him begin the latest reject. So to Justin's
disappointment he merely whispers it into her ear "The Boobulator."
His hand caresses the top of her belly while his thumb subtly brushes the
underside of her breast. Smiling she leans against him and he raises his hand
to cup her cheek, turning her face so he can kiss her.
"Oh
no, public displays of affection, save us now!" they hear and separate
looking up to see Drew and Lea laughing as they walk through the door.
Day
175
Nick
looks up as Jessica walks down the hall towards him. She'd told him ten minutes
ago she was ready and, naively believing her, he went to the front door packed
and ready to leave. She's been singing out that she's coming to his every
query. He's learnt better than to actually go and try to assist her. His
presence only upsets her routine and she's added him looking at his watch to
the things he's not to do in her presence unless he wants to hear her scream.
Yesterday he teased that her sense of time diminishes as her waistline
increases. She didn't deem that worthy of a response but the flash in her eyes
threatened retaliation at a later time. He happily paid his dues last night.
Walking
towards the door Jessica looks at Nick's smiling face and prepares to hear
another snide comment from him about the reason she's kept him waiting. Instead
he leans forward and kisses her cheek. She doesn't fall for that trick though.
Nick's eyes are too expressive and the grin on his face is infectious.
"What?" she laughs.
"Nothing"
he says with a shake of his head. "You're definitely ready?"
She
holds her arms out in an 'I'm here aren't I' gesture. When he makes no movement
to go she says "Are you planning on opening that door or should we stand
here debating it all day?"
"You
haven't forgotten anything?" he asks alerting her to the fact he knows she
has.
Jessica
runs through her mental checklist. Pregnancy has a strange way of affecting
your mind but she's sure she hasn't done anything addle brained today. Not
having a clue what he's talking about she says in frustration "Just tell
me already Nick!"
"How
big is your tummy now?" he asks softly stroking it.
She's
thrown by the question and can only respond with a confused "What? What's
that got to do with anything?"
"I'm
just curious" Nick says leaning over her then looking down "if you
can still see your feet."
She
gives him a 'very funny Nick' look then her eyes open wide with comprehension.
Leaning forward so she can see past her belly she sticks one foot out. Her eyes
are met with pink fuzzy slippers, groaning she turns and mumbles as she walks
away "You could have just said so."
His
laugh follows her down the hallway making her smile to herself. His laughter is
sweet music to her ears and always a delight to hear, even if it is at her own
expense. She wonders if her wearing pink slippers in court could help get
William Hinks his acquittal. It's worth a try she thinks, after all they need
whatever advantage they can get on this one.
End of part 8.
Chapter 9
Author: Jessica
Day 178
Jessica had been silent on the drive home. It isn't unusual
after a busy day for her to want some quiet time to just think and regroup, but
it felt like more than that to Nick tonight. The air between them was charged
with an energy he didn't quite enjoy. The silence was definitely not the
comfortable variety they normally shared.
"You ok?" he asks closing the font door behind him.
"I'm going to have a shower" she replies and walks up
the stairs.
'That didn't answer my question' he thinks as he follows her
into the bedroom. Shedding his overcoat and jacket he asks "What's
wrong?"
"Nothing!"
"For someone who helped get Drew an acquittal on a case
near impossible to win you don't look too happy."
"It's just ..." she pauses and closing her eyes shakes
her head "I'm just tired" she opens her eyes and looks at him
"I'll just wash the day away and I'll be fine" with that she enters
the bathroom and closes the door behind her.
It doesn't slam but it may as well have as Nick has received the
message loud and clear he's not welcome to join her. "End of
discussion" he mumbles and changes into sweats. He's worried about her. He
never wanted her to sit on the Hinks case with Drew in the first place. After
voicing that opinion he received a lecture for being overbearing and treating
her like an invalid not a strong and perfectly capable woman. His wish had
nothing to do with her pregnancy but try telling her that. As excited and
delighted as she is to be pregnant she dislikes being thought of as pregnant.
There is still a sense of the old boys club at times in the legal profession
and therefore she's had some unpleasant experiences since she's started to show
leaving her quick to react to any perceived slight.
Nick struggles now coming to terms with Jessica doing some of
the cases they do. He can't help it. She's his wife, he loves her and wants to
protect her and he won't apologize for it. She needs to come to terms with his
attitude just as he needs to accept she won't be changing who she is. He
doesn't really want her to but that doesn't stop him wanting more for her. She
can't expect him to love her but not want to protect her. It's not a case of
thinking less of her as she claims. It's the world he thinks less of and he
doesn't want to let in anything he fears could hurt or upset her.
Something has definitely upset her today and he hates that he
doesn't know what it is. She's not going to tell him, he knows that, her plan
is avoidance. What he doesn't know is why? They've been opening up to each
other so much more lately and he doesn't like her turning away now. He knows
how the rest of the night will go. She'll come out of the bathroom refreshed
and strong and will divert his every attempt to renew the conversation, if you
could call their previous words a conversation.
She'll want to deal with it on her own to show whoever has upset
her that they haven't won. She doesn't want him fixing things for her, he knows
that, but that doesn't mean she can't talk to him about it. There is no way
he'll get it out of her though if she's determined to close herself off. Look
up stubborn in the dictionary and you see a picture of Jessica. Well he's
stubborn too and he wants to know what happened.
She can be as strong and independent as she likes but he's not
going to be kept in the dark, not when he might be able to help. If she isn't
going to tell him he'll go to the next best source; Drew. When has he ever
managed to keep his mouth shut about anything? Nick had made Drew promise to
look after Jessica during this case so he'd better know what's going on or
he'll have an irate Nick to contend with. In the back of Nick's mind is the
thought Drew let that order slip. He fears if that's the case he'll be in
trouble with Jessica for quite a while then dismisses it knowing she would have
confronted him on that immediately had she known.
Jessica dries off, then wraps herself in a bathrobe and walks
into the bedroom. She eyes the bed, all she wants to do is curl up, go to sleep
and wake up to find it's all been a bad dream. Her stomach rumbles and she
gives it a gentle rub saying "Ok baby, food then bed." Wondering if
Nick may have started something for dinner she leaves the bedroom. Walking down
the hall she spies him on the phone at his desk. She pauses in the doorway.
Hearing her approach Nick looks up and says "Thanks I'll
see you tomorrow." He hangs up and leans back in his chair appraising her.
As his eyes roam over her she knows he's looking for her
weakness, waiting for her to crumble. It angers her bringing back all the ill
feeling she felt coming home. So much for her cleansing shower. "Who was
that?" she asks angrily.
"Drew"
"You called him?"
"Yes"
"He told you didn't he?"
"Yeah"
Her eyes close on an annoyed sigh, when they open again there is
fire there, "You just couldn't let it go could you? You couldn't wait
until I was ready. All I needed was time Nick but you couldn't even give me
that could you?"
"Were you really going to tell me Jessica?"
She wants to scream "Of course I was!" but to him she
cannot lie. "I don't need this" she says and walks back to their
room.
"Need what?" he asks following her.
"You saying I told you so" she enters the room and
starts opening and closing drawers, getting clothes to change into.
Watching her he thinks if she doesn't calm down the furniture
won't survive. "Baby if you're angry at me take it out on me not the
bureau."
She turns, a pair of socks in her raised hand, and he puts his
arms up in a sign of surrender. The fight goes out of her at the sight of his
smile. She walks to the bed and sits "I'm not angry at you."
He walks forward and squats before her, his eyes look up into
hers as his hands rest beside her on the bed.
"He used me Nick. I was just a pawn in his sick game."
"So you're angry at Hinks."
"No, I'm angry at me! He played me for the fool I am."
"Baby you're not a fool! You couldn't have known what he
was thinking. You're not a psychiatrist, Jeannie is trained for this and she
didn't know. You took her word, you believed in her expertise and you did what
was necessary to win for your client. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I should have known."
"Baby"
"I don't think I wanted to know."
"What do you mean?"
"To go up against Roland Hill, to argue a case where even
the defendant insists he's guilty and still win was too enticing an opportunity
and I got to sit with Drew on that case, the honor…that’s what it
was. I told Jeannie I didn't sit in on serial killers but the more challenging
the case became the more I wanted it. I wanted Drew to win, I wanted to help
him Nick but to do it, I think I needed to believe he was innocent and ... and
I never let myself doubt it, my ego needed to believe it."
"Baby you're second guessing yourself now and putting the
worst spin on it. This was never about ego with you."
"When Drew and I trapped him up there on the witness stand,
that was ego Nick, We were smug and all along I was the one caught in his
trap."
"It's over now baby. It's done with, just forget about him
and move on."
"He'll kill again Nick. Because of me he gets to kill
again."
"And they'll catch him and put him away."
"Some consolation that will be to her family" she says
and the tears she's tried so hard to hold in begin to fall.
Nick climbs onto the bed next to her and wraps her in his arms.
He rocks her gently and silently. He doesn't know what she needs to hear. He
doesn't know that there is anything she could hear now that would help. He
gives her all he knows he has to offer; his love. When he feels her begin to
calm he pulls away enough to kiss the tears from her face. She smiles at him
and rests her hand on the back of his neck as she leans her head on his
shoulder.
"You ok?" he asks.
"No but I will be."
"Yeah you will" he smiles. She's so strong, so
resilient, and he'll be there for her, whatever she needs. "Do you want
anything?"
"Food and you" she says standing.
He smiles at her "Should I be worried you placed food
before me."
She runs her fingers through his hair "No but ... how do
you feel about the fact the reason I want you is I need a back rub?"
He hangs his head as if dejected and hears her soft laugh as her
fingers leave his hair. She walks out of the room and he rises to follow.
"Hey baby I'm good at all sorts of rubs" he calls out to her.
She looks over her shoulder and smiles "I'll keep that in
mind."
He walks to his desk and turns the lamp off there. He won't be
working tonight unless she begs him for space. When he arrives in the kitchen
he finds her leaning into the fridge. She looks up on his entry and says
"When was the last time we shopped?"
Looking thoughtful he asks "What month is it now?"
She shakes her head and shuts the door. "There is nothing
here Nicholas"
He walks towards her and wraps his arms around her from behind.
His hands caress her and whispering in her ear he asks "So what does the
melon want, Chinese or pizza?"
"Melon?"
"Just look at it" he says, his hands slipping into the
robe and exposing her belly, they roam over her softly, delighting in the feel
of her skin.
Her head rests against his shoulder. "I don't know why I
love you."
"I give good back rubs" he replies making her smile.
Incredulously she sighs "Melon?" as she relaxes into
his arms.
"Yeah" he kisses her cheek "So what'll it be? The
sooner we order the sooner we can get down to rubbing."
She laughs turning in his arms and kissing his lips. They smile
at each other. He can see the gratitude in her eyes, she can see the concern in
his. "Surprise me" she says "I'll be waiting on the couch."
He watches her walk away. She seems better but he needs to know.
"Baby?"
She turns, her hands are busy retying her robe,
"Yeah?"
"Are you ok?"
She nods, quietly says "I'm ok" then departs.
End of part 9.
Every Season Has Its Change Chapter 10
Author: Jessica
Day 182
"Baby!" Jessica calls out from her perch on the couch.
He's quickly by her side "What's wrong? You ok?"
"Promise me you wont laugh" The fact his mouth is
already forming a big grin doesn't give her much confidence in his assurance.
"I uh ... I need your help" she says a little embarrassed.
He looks at her confused, after her stress with the Hinks case
he made sure her next one was a no brainer. "You need help with Peters, I
thought you were sitting with Jeff on that?" he asks incredulously
"Jessica that's..."
She rolls her eyes "Not with the case ... I uh ..."
she pauses and drops her head against her chest.
"What?" he asks.
Resigned she mumbles "I'm stuck."
"Excuse me?"
Louder this time she says "I'm stuck! ... I can't get off
the damn couch."
The grin that spreads across Nick's face almost splits it in
half.
"You promised" Jessica warns pouting.
Nick nods and turns and leaves the room.
"Baby!" she calls after him exasperated then hears
exaggerated laughter coming from the hallway. She groans shaking her head and
shoots him an un amused look when he returns. The feigned innocence on his face
is no protection from her glare.
"So you really can't get up?"
She nods.
"Show me"
"Baby!" she laughs.
"C'mon" he goads her "Show me"
She makes a intensive but futile effort to rise which amuses him
immensely.
"Baby!" she moans.
"I'm sorry" he chuckles and ruffles her hair.
She shoots him a warning look and ducking slaps his hand away.
"You're a captive audience" he laughs "I like
this."
"I may be stuck here but there's no guarantee I'll stay
awake, you're not that entertaining" she teases.
He moves so his legs are against the couch and places his hands
next to her. Leaning forward he invades her space forcing her back and trapping
her within the confines of his arms. His face hovers above hers "I think I
can keep you alert Jessica. I'm sure I can keep you very very alert."
"I'll be wet that's for sure" she replies startling
him with her comment. Grinning she says "Your child is playing soccer with
my bladder."
Groaning he pushes off the couch and reaches his hand down and
helps her up.
"My hero" she says rising on tippy toes to reward him
with a kiss then walking away. As she's about to enter the hallway she turns
and says "I'm feeling drowsy baby, maybe when I get back you can help my
come up with a way to combat it?"
"I'll see what I can do" he promises and enjoys her
giggle as she walks away.
Day 185
As she approaches the front door Jessica hears the phone
ringing. She rushes to open the door but the action made difficult by being
over laden with shopping bags. Finally the door gives way and dropping the bags
on the couch she reaches for the phone. Her hurried greeting is responded to by
a smarmy voice saying "Why Jessica you are sounding positively
breathless."
What little breath she had left was sucked out after hearing the
unmistakable tone of William Hinks. It has been a week since she last had
contact with him but the cadence and sound of his voice is unforgettable. She
feels positively ill upon hearing it again.
"What do you want William?"
"That's a very unprofessional tone Jessica. However do you
keep your husband’s clients?"
She's filled with a desire to run but acknowledges the
ridiculousness of it. She's in her home, she's safe, and he’s just
playing games with her again. Well she's not going to play. "This is my
home William, my husband and I do not conduct business from home and I'd
appreciate you not calling me again here or at the office." With that she
hangs up.
Shaken she paces the room for a good ten minutes before she
calms enough to pick up her bags and enter the kitchen to put the groceries
away. Just as she places the bags on the table the phone rings again. She
pauses afraid of its implications then, shaking her head, walks to answer it chanting
to herself "It isn't him. It isn't him."
"I find myself wanting to reach out and touch people at the
most inopportune times"
She slams the phone down. Too freaked now to do anything she
stares at it, knowing it will ring again. Sure enough ten minutes later it
does, but she doesn't answer it, allowing the machine to pick up.
"Oh modern technology, so impersonal, so lifeless. Have you
ever wondered how it feels to be lifeless Jessica?"
She picks up the phone and slams it down. In a bid to have him
out of her life she erases the tape. She finds herself curled on the armchair
listening for the next ring. The thought of it doing so is sickening yet she
can't move away. A sound at the door startles her and she jumps up off the
chair only to be confronted with Nick's surprised face.
"Are you ok?" he asks moving towards her.
She tries to disguise the terror she feels. "I'm ... fine.
Why?"
"You look..."
"I must have dozed off and you startled me that's
all."
"You sure?"
"Yeah I'm just a bit tired ... I'll go have a shower and
..." not knowing what she plans to say next she rushes out of the room.
Nick watches her go and shakes his head in a mix of concern and
amusement.
As the night wears on concern wins out over amusement. Jessica
is skittish, her hands never still, the set of her jaw shows fierce determined
concentration and she jumps every time the phone rings. Finally frustrated with
her behavior he confronts her on it. Although at first denying it when next the
phone rings he shoots an accusing look at her.
"Let the machine get it" he says "Now tell me
what's wrong."
"Baby nothing's wrong!" she assures him "I don't
know, maybe my noise intolerance hormones have been activated." He laughs
at her explanation and she smiles as convincingly as she can then pleads.
"I don't want to fight with you Nick can we just be together ...
please!"
"Sure" he says and lets her find safety in his arms.
Jessica holds on to him tight. Trying to rid herself of her
fears. The greatest of which is that it isn't a coincidence Hink's calls
stopped when Nick arrived home. She's not ready to share this with him yet. She
got them into this mess and will get them out of it too. She'll sort it out, on
her own but she needs Nick's comfort and strength to help her in her resolve.
End of part 10.
Day
189
Nick
can't get over how incensed he feels. It is a slow burning anger that has been
festering from the moment Lea told him of Hinks' return. His initial reaction
was fear and concern for Jessica but that was quickly replaced with fury. A
fury that was directed not at Hinks but at his wife. He leans against Drew's
desk, listening to Jessica and Lea explain what Cacee said their options were.
As
Lea takes over the narrative Jessica looks up and, for the first time since
arriving back at the office, catches Nick's eye. Her brow furrows due to the
emotion she sees there. Knowing he's made his point Nick walks into his office
slamming the door as he enters. The group gathered around Lea's desk spins
around in reaction to the caustic sound. Curious looks are exchanged before
they again turn to Lea to continue her tale.
Jessica
is undecided what her action should be. That Nick is consumed with a fury
desperate to explode is not in question, but what she should do is. Would
giving him time and space only cause it to escalate or would it allow him to
regroup and calm down? As much as self preservation tells her to stay away the
fact he is hurting draws her to him.
As
she enters the office she sees him at his desk, pen in hand poised appearing
ready to write but she can tell by the pressure he's asserting on the paper if
he were to write it would merely tear it. No his studious demeanor is a front.
He pays no attention to her entering and ignores her quiet greeting. She sits
down on the couch willing him to at least meet her eyes. She finds his silent
disdain unnerving. She'd expected concern, she'd expected solicitousness, she'd
expected cloying reassurances and offered strength, she never envisaged
accusatory anger. She doesn't understand Nick's reaction and she doesn't like
it one bit.
"Baby?"
she asks impatient for acknowledgement and is horrified at how pathetic her
voice sounds but at least it commanded his notice. His eyes rise and she
wonders why she'd so wanted to see them. Black with fury they cut into her. She
opens her mouth to comment but his head begins moving from side to side and she
waits sensing he's about to speak. When his words are issued they are spoken
quietly. To an outsider their manner may even have seemed calm but Jessica,
knowing the nuances of Nick's voice intimately, hears the underlying emotion
loud and clear. She's heard him angry before. She's even had that anger directed
at her but never to this degree.
"Don't
you EVER keep something like that from me again!"
His
fury is ignited when she briefly sighs before saying "Nick I just..."
He's
out of his chair striding determinedly towards her "I don't want to hear your
excuses. I want your assurance you will NEVER do that again."
Her
own defenses are rattled now and she stands and hits back with "I'm being
harassed by a psychotic killer and you're angry at ME?"
He
looks at her and angrily says "Thank you ... right there Jessica, that's
the first time I've heard it from you." She's surprised as the
implications of his words and the pain of guilt hits home. As if seeing this he
continues in a softer but still aggrieved tone "I should have heard it
from you."
Jessica
had never considered this reaction. She was so determined to sort the situation
out herself that she never thought what keeping it quiet would do to Nick. Last
night Drew had argued they should tell him but Jessica had insisted Nick had
enough on his plate already with the Lupino case. She should have known he'd
find out, it's not like anyone here can keep anything quiet. She stumbles over
an excuse "It all happened so fast there was no time"
She
realizes her error by his acrimonious reaction "Oh come on! That's not
true and you know it! Don't lie to me Jessica. Respect me enough not to do
that. This had nothing to do with time it was a deliberate exclusion and you
know damn well why!"
"I
..."
He
doesn't allow her to continue "How do you think it felt to hear about this
from Lea? My wife is terrified, she's being harassed and she doesn't even tell
me! She lies next to me at night. She lets me make love to her but she won't
talk to me. What does that say about us Jessica? How do you think hearing that
made me feel?" he turns away trying to curb the emotion rising in him
"You should have told me Jessica!"
She
cannot deny the truth of his words or the pain she saw in his eyes. "Baby
I'm ... "
He
turns back and again speaks over her. He's been waiting for her return and all
the thoughts swirling in his head are now desperate to be voiced. "Jessica
you're carrying our child ... 'our child' ... you placed our child's life at
risk and you don't even tell me ... you shut me out and that's wrong. I have a right
to know. When it comes to the welfare of 'our child' Jessica the decision is
ours, not yours not mine, OURS!”
"I
know that."
"Do
you?"
"Yes!"
she takes a tentative step towards him "I'm sorry Baby ... I didn't mean
to shut you out I ... I just didn't think..."
"I'm
sick of being punished for something I didn't do Jessica!"
"What?"
Jessica is surprised at the turn in the conversation.
"You're
angry at yourself and taking it out on me."
She
looks at him in confusion "I'm not ... I just..."
"You
didn't tell me Hinks had returned because you didn't want to hear me say I told
you so, well Jessica despite what you think I was never going to say it! What I
would have said is ..." he stops and turns away from her.
"What?"
she asks.
He
shakes his head "I won't say it in anger" and begins to walk to the
door.
She
grabs his arm before he gets there "Then don't say it but please don't
walk out" he pauses and looks at her "Please let me try to
explain" she implores.
"Fine"
he shakes her off and walks to the arm chair. He sits then looks up at her
challengingly "Explain."
She
walks to the couch and sits. She looks at him his anger is so intense she
doubts there is anything she can say to appease him right now. "I am
sorry" she offers knowing he needs more than that but still feeling it
needs to be said. She is sorry. It was never her intention to hurt him.
"Friday
night when you were ... Jessica you jumped every time the phone rang, he phoned
you before I came home didn't he?"
"Yes"
she admits hating that she has to, knowing that she's only going to cause him
more pain. She watches him react to her admission. His elbows rest on his knees
and his hands cover his face rubbing his temples. When he drops his hands again
he looks at her with raw emotion. That she's caused such anguish and sorrow
causes tears to threaten to fall. She fights to keep them in. She knows what
they do to him and it's unfair of her to hurt him further now.
"Jessie
why?" he asks despondently "How could you keep this from me?"
"It's
not that I expected condemnation from you Nick, I truly didn't. I do know you
better than that but ... you're right I was angry at myself ... I was angry I
got us into this and I ... I wanted to be the one to get us out of it. Can you understand
that?"
He
looks down at his joined hands without answering. He doesn't understand, she's
sure of that but at least now he is listening. She can only hope he can hear
how sorry she is.
"I
didn't think about how you'd feel baby I'll admit that ... I didn't think about
the danger to myself or ..." she pauses not quite willing to admit she'd
placed their child in danger. In truth it's something she never did allow
herself to consider. It hurts her now to think she could have done it. He looks
up when she doesn't continue to speak and she sees him wanting to understand.
She takes a deep breath and again tries to explain "I just ... really
there was nothing you could do about it and I didn't ... I wanted to fix it
without having to get you involved. You're already so busy and ... I just
thought I could fix it."
"I
wish you believed in me." he says so quietly she barely hears him.
At
first Jessica thinks she must have heard wrong but the expression on his face
so perfectly reflects the words. "Nicholas, I do!" she assures him,
horrified that he thinks otherwise.
"You
don't believe I can protect you."
She
looks away from him giving substance to his words. She loves him but she no
more expects him to be able to protect her than she expects to be able to
protect him. With all they've seen, the horrors they've encountered she knows
they have no defense against evil if it comes looking for them.
Nick
rises from the chair and sits in front of her on the coffee table. Resting his
hands on her knees he says "I know I wasn't there with some things, I know
I let you down before and not a day goes by that I don't regret that ..."
Her
hand raises and her fingers brush over his lips "Baby NO!"
He
grips her wrist and moves her hand away "But Jessica if you don't tell me
what's happening how can you expect me to know the danger you're in? I can't be
there for you if you don't tell me what is going on. At least give me a chance.
Talk to me, help me help you."
She
nods determined to never shut him out again.
"You
hurt me" he says quietly. There is no accusation in his tone it's just a
statement of a fact he feels she needs to know.
"I
know baby" she turns her hand in his grip until there fingers are joined.
"I am sorry ... I just ... I wanted to fix it. You didn't want me to take
the case with Drew and you were right and..."
"Jessica!"
he sighs " I wasn't questioning your judgment. You were right to help
Drew."
"You
didn't say that at the time."
"As
your husband of course I didn't want you to take it, but you know that had
nothing to do with the merits of the case. I just ... I didn't want him
anywhere near my wife, guilty or innocent I didn't care ... I don't like you
near men like that."
"It's
my job baby, I do that with you guys when I’m not busy in the
studio"
"I
know that it doesn't stop me wanting all your clients to be 80 year old
women."
She
smiles "Baby there are some pretty crazy old ladies around too"
He
doesn't laugh at her attempt at a joke instead they look at each other. Each
hoping to convey what words are failing to express.
A
knock is heard on the door and as Nick calls out "What?" Jessica
quickly rises from the couch, rushing to his bathroom, not wanting to be seen
in her current state.
"We
have to go" Drew says popping his head in.
"Give
me a minute" Nick replies quickly.
"Now!"
Drew insists.
"I
said I need a minute!" Nick rises from the table and ignoring Drew's
frustrated stare follows Jessica into the bathroom.
He
runs his hand over her back and she turns and hugs him. His arms engulf her,
his cheek rests against her head. No words are spoken or movements made, they
merely hold one another tight. The need for resolution mutual. Knowing he has
to go he pulls away and framing her face with his hands kisses her forehead.
"I
have to go" he whispers and she nods. Nick lightly brushes his lips
against hers before leaving her. When he reaches the door to his office he
turns and hesitantly says "Baby?" She looks up at him. "I won't
be long ... will you wait for me here?"
Jessica
nods ok and Nick smiles softly at her before walking through the door. Her
tears fall freely now. She knows he's forgiven her but now she needs to forgive
herself and the crime of hurting Nick is not one she takes lightly.
End
of part 11.
Day
190
Nick
watches as Scott Wallace is led out of the office. The introspective defeated
look on his face cuts like a shard into Nick's heart. He warns Scott not to speak
to anyone and reminds the detective to honor the 6th amendment then rushes to
his office, needing its familiarity and comfort. What a day he thinks as he
sinks dejectedly onto the couch. His elbows rest on his knees but his hands are
restless as he wills the pain inside to subside. He needs to be doing
something, the anguish he's feeling leaves him wanting to destroy something. He
wants power, ferocity, release. He'd trash the office if he felt it would do
any good but he knows there has already been too much destruction. He needs to
regain control not to give in to emotion.
His
thoughts swirl. How could this have happened? Why didn't he see this coming? It
was obvious Scott was upset, why didn't he pay more attention? Could he have
stopped this? He can't keep doing this, hurting people he cares about because
he's preoccupied with a client who is little more than scum. Why when Scott
needed him did he get caught up defending that bastard Francis Lupino? It's so
unbelievable. How the hell did this happen?
Nick
hears the door shut and knows Jessica is there. He needs her so much right now.
He needs to take her in his arms and let it all out. Take the comfort she can
always give. Her soft words and gentle touch are a healing balm to his broken
heart and psyche.
"You
ok?" she asks as she perches on the arm of the couch. Her hand kneads his
shoulder, then moves to rub over his back. He can already feel some of the
anguish slipping away as a result of just having her near.
"I
don't know ..." he admits He won't hide his pain from her, he needs her
too much right now to do that. "How could..." he begins to ask but
she answers before he has to voice the horrible truth.
"He
was on the edge Nick."
"Should
I ... should we have seen this coming?" He corrects himself. Knowing she
won't want to hear him to take on any blame.
"No
I mean how could anybody...." her voice trails off and he's not sure why.
The comforting tone is gone when she again speaks "What's that?"
He
looks up and notices a parcel on his desk. When did that arrive he thinks as he
says "I don't know." He stands and walks to it, sensing her hesitancy
and concern as she follows him. There is a card attached which he takes off and
reads aloud "To Jessica with affection."
He
looks at her, offering her the chance to take over, but she doesn't need to say
in words that she wants nothing to do with this gift. Nick can see by the set
of her shoulders and jaw she's afraid. As she makes no further move towards him
or the parcel he takes it on himself to open it. His curiosity is quickly
replaced with surprise by what he finds. Lifting the restless puppy out of the
box he says amazed "It's a little dog ..." he looks at her
unimpressed face and asks "Who's sending you a dog?"
Jessica
knows exactly who would have sent such a gift and she wants nothing to do with
it. She backs away slowly and concerned Nick walks around the desk towards her.
She doesn't want it near her and looks up at him and says "It's from
him" her voice alerting him to how distasteful the idea is.
He
stops advancing on her and is about to ask 'him who?' when he remembers the
last time they were together in this office and how angry he was she hadn't
told him of William Hinks' return.
"How
do you know?" he asks not seeing the connection.
"He
met his victims walking dogs Nick."
The
implication that this is signaling she is the next victim hits him and he
immediately leaves the room. Jessica hears the squeal of delight from Lea and
sinks onto the couch. Nick is by her side almost immediately and drawing her
close to him.
"I'm
ok" she says "It was just an unpleasant surprise that's all."
"Well
get rid of the dog" he says.
"I'd
like to see you try" Jessica says and smiles at him. He looks at her
confused so she says "Just listen."
He
does and hears lively chatter outside his office walls. He rises annoyed by
them but Jessica pulls him back down to her side "They need this baby
leave them ... it's ok."
"You
sure?"
"Yes
... It was a cute puppy I just ... just right now I didn't want to see
him."
"I
won't let Hinks hurt you" Nick says caressing her cheek.
Jessica
knows he needs to believe that. She also knows he needs to deal with his
emotions over Scott Wallace before he bottles them too tight to ever be released.
"I know you won't Nick" she says then looks at him "And with
Scott you can't start blaming yourself. Nobody could have seen this
coming."
Nick
slumps against the back of the couch. His head thrown back as he expels a deep
breath "What a day" he sighs. After a moment of silence he quietly
states "Drew says it's time I get out of criminal law."
"What?
Why? What's got into him?" Jessica practically shouts, fury rising in her
at the perceived insult to Nick.
Nick
looks over at her and smiles amused at Jessica's indignation with Drew
"Hey hey shhhhhhh it's ok I agreed with him."
This
surprises her more than Drew’s statement. "You did? ... Nick?
Why?"
"I
couldn't do it today Jessica. I couldn't put the victim out of my mind and
concentrate only on the client." His hand strokes over her arm but his
eyes drop to her abdomen. "It was a child ... and ... I couldn't put her
out of my mind ... I lied to Francis, tricked him into giving her location.
They knew he had her but they had nothing on him. Whether they would ever have
proved it beyond reasonable doubt is debatable but I was more concerned with
getting the girl back ..." he looks back up at her his eyes hesitant and
concerned "I couldn't put her out of my mind."
Jessica
looks at him. Honestly none of this comes as a surprise to her. He's been
struggling for a while now. Something she first noticed when he worked to get
Stanton Pierce convicted. At the time she thought it was a one time thing, a
totally unexplainable random act of indignation but since then she's realized
it's more, the system is starting to grate on Nick. It's hard to stay noble
when you have trouble facing yourself in the mirror each morning.
"Maybe
he's right" Jessica says and Nick winces and turns away from her. She
knows he was hoping for reassurance from her but what she's promised him is
honesty not platitudes. Jessica reaches for his hand "Baby look at
me." The pain in his eyes when he does brings tears to hers. "I'm
proud of you" she says emphatically.
"I
lied to a client to elicit a confession ... so much for my obligation to
protect his rights."
His
voice is tinged with scorn so she reminds him of the reality of what he did.
"Baby today you saved a child's life. Francis chose this situation Alyssa
didn't and as far as I'm concerned her innocence supersedes any obligation you
had. I'm proud of you!"
"It's
not that black and white Jessica"
"Well
it should be" she says decisively and he laughs. He loves the fact Jessica
believes the system would be perfect if only it followed her rules. He's spent
many a night getting her flustered playing devils advocate by coming up with
hypotheticals to destroy her so called idyllic tenets. She smiles and moves to
rest against his chest. Today they don't need one of Nick's abstract theories
real life has them spinning enough as it is.
"I'm
happy with the result Jessica I really am .. I couldn't have ... we got her
back alive and that's great but ... the system can't work if no one adheres to
it."
"Nick
these were exceptional circumstances."
"And
Scott's?"
She
sits up and looks at him confused.
"He
wanted to testify Jessica. I overrode that decision. I went against the rules
and imposed my will on him and now look where he is."
"Baby.."
"No
the system is there for a reason and if I can't see that anymore ... if I can't
abide by it I shouldn't be here."
"Well
under that theory we'd all have to go."
He
nods accepting the truth behind her words but she doesn't think he believes
them enough. Not willing to drop it until she removes that look of doubt from
his eyes she says "Nick if every lawyer who ignored the rules quit, the
system would fail because there'd be no one left to work it. We all do it.
Sometimes it works out well and sometimes it doesn't but the test is what's in
your heart ... Nick you did the right thing, you did what you thought was best
... and who's to say a different decision would have changed Scott's verdict
but a different one would have definitely cost Alessa her life. You have good
instincts Nick and we all trust them because they pay off more often than not
... we just have to learn to live with the failures as well as the
successes."
"I
know."
She's
still not happy enough that he does "I broke the rules too Nick. I
deceived the court so I could implement an insanity defense against my clients
orders. I strong armed the judge into allowing it and as a result a serial
killer is free to send me puppies. Should I quit Nick?"
"I'm
not planning on quitting Jess I'm just rethinking things a little."
His
eyes tell her everything is fine and he just needs time. She leans back against
the couch, there in case he needs her but not intruding on his thoughts. After
a while his head turns to look at her, she turns her face to him knowing he's
going to speak. Sure enough he asks "How scared are you?"
"I
don't know ... This little gift hasn't given me much confidence in the
restraining order."
"Maybe
he had it already organized before that and couldn't cancel."
"Maybe"
she replies but they both know Nick's reaching and it's more likely Hinks
doesn't care about the terms of the court order. "I think he's just
taunting me. I mean logically if something happened to me now he'd be the prime
suspect ... but with William who knows maybe to him that's a good thing. He
seemed pretty unconcerned with the prospect of being convicted. He took a big
risk insisting on his guilt so maybe deep down he's tired and wants to be
caught. Maybe I am in danger and it isn't just a game ... I just don't know
Nick he makes no sense."
"Nothing
much does at the moment" Nick sighs.
"God
we're morose" Jessica mumbles then stands and reaches for his hand
"Let's go home, we'll solve the worlds problems tomorrow, I've had enough of
this place for one day."
Nick accepts her hand and rises to gathers his things together.
All ready he follows her out the door, eager to get home where the days dismal
events always seem less severe. He knows the reason for that is the woman in
front of him and the security he feels from having her in his life. Nothing is
insurmountable when he holds her in his arms.
End of part 12.
Day
197
"I
met with Scott today" Nick says absentmindedly moving the food around on
his plate.
Knowing
this already, Jessica looks up and waits for Nick to say what he really wants
to tell her.
Still
focusing on the food he says "I asked him, if he hadn't run out of bullets
would he have shot Drew or Justin?"
Jessica
reaches over the table and offers him her hand. He takes it, staring first at
their joined fingers then raising his eyes to hers. "What did he
say?" she asks.
"He
honestly couldn't say. He thought about it then turned to me and said maybe
like he really didn't know." His hand grips hers tighter. She's unsure
what it is he needs to hear from her. Her silence compels him to speak "He
wasn't there that night Jessica ... it wasn't him in that room ... he just
wasn't there. I don't ... I don't know if he'll ever be back."
That
Nick needs her comfort is obvious to her but what isn't is how she can provide
it. Truth be told she's sick of Scott Wallace, tired of watching him slowly
destroy Nick and angry at herself for resenting him when he so desperately
needs their help. None of this is Scott's fault. He's one of those people who
slips through the cracks and is broken by the system. His case has been a
comedy of errors since day one, the only thing is, nobody has been laughing.
Jessica
is about to make the effort of commenting when the phone rings. She feels
guilty about how quickly she jumps at the chance to leave the room. It isn't
that she doesn't want to help Nick it's just that she had no idea what to say.
She feels suitably punished for her flight when she answers the phone and is met
with silence.
William
Hinks doesn't need to speak for Jessica to know he is on the other end of the
line. These calls have become as regular as clockwork. He uses various pay
phones and as he never talks they have no way of legally proving it is him. She
could stand in court and swear to the fact she knows the sound of his breathing
but it would be of no use. Nothing they can do will stop him. She slams the
phone down and paces back and forth furiously. The vision of his eyes reflected
back in the rear view mirror earlier today still haunts her. So to the fact the
police refused to do anything about it. They've lost patience with her. She
knows they don't believe her anymore and what's more she guesses this is all
part of William's plan.
Jessica
has no idea how much time passes before Nick comes looking for her. Seeing her
face he doesn't need to ask who was on the phone. He sighs and walks towards
her. Drawing her into his arms he says "I'll get the next one."
"Dammit
Nicholas!" She pulls away and begins pacing again "There shouldn't
have to be a next one."
What
can he say that hasn't already been said night after night since Hinks' return?
They quickly fall into the conversation that has become so regular it is almost
scripted. For each of her anguished demands he gives the required response.
Night after night they go through this routine but tonight she's taking longer
to settle than usual. He's not sure why. Have the words become so stale through
time they no longer comfort her? Are his own thoughts making them sound hollow?
Are they both just too weary of the situation to handle it anymore or was there
something more to tonight's call than all the others?
Nick
steps forward to ask "Jessica..."
"I'm
so sick of this!" she says backing away "What's the use of a
restraining order if he can't be made to keep it?" she asks the same thing
she's been asking for the past hour, the past week even.
"Jessica
for God's sake calm down" Nick says becoming frustrated. He's tried gentle
persuasion, he's tried reasoning and cajoling. He's running out of options and
the carpet is wearing thin.
She
turns to face him and he sees pain. He's about to step forward again when she
asks "What is it about me that attracts them?"
He's
stunned by the sudden change of topic and can only respond with "Who?
What?"
"Psychopaths
Nick! Creeps, little men with big dysfunctions." She resumes her pacing
"I'm like a magnet to them. All my life they're the only men who come near
me. Just once couldn't I meet a decent man and have him be interested in me? No
it's a string of one loser after another. Why? What is it about me that causes
this?"
When
no reply is forthcoming she turns and sees she's alone in the room. She's
incensed by this and walks to the bedroom sure Nick will be there. He turns
when he hears her enter the room and the hurt look on his face surprises her.
It occurs to her what she just said and its implications.
She
walks towards him apologetically "Oh baby, I didn't mean you."
"I
know that" he says smiling wearily as he walks to the end of the bed and
sits down.
She
walks over and stands in front of him. Her hand strokes through his hair until
he raises his face and looks at her. "I'm sorry."
"I
know" he says and his hands raise and rub softly along her hips and thighs
"I don't know what bothered me more, the idea I was just one of a string
of losers or that you were still waiting for that decent guy."
"I
don't need a decent guy baby I've got you!" she says emphatically.
He
laughs and his hands raise to her lower back and draw her nearer as he rests
his forehead against her stomach. He can feel it move as she chuckles and
groans "That didn't come out right at all."
He
sits up and looks at her pleased to see her smiling.
"No
wonder I can't see my feet anymore they're so far in my mouth I've probably
swallowed them." She says as she moves out of his arms so she can sit
beside him. He watches her mirth disappear as she turns and looks at him asking
"I'm serious though Nick why are they attracted to me?"
"If
your looking for a psychopaths point of view Jessica I can't tell you, but for
a guy ..." he grins at her and teasingly adds "decent or not ... well
god Jessica you're everything ..."
Her
hand rubs his chest gratefully but she's too preoccupied to be bogged down in
sentiment "Kingston said I was virginal is that it? Do I ... am I ... is
there some vibe I give off? Is there an 'I'm vulnerable target me' aura about
me?"
"Jessica
this isn't your fault don't start trying to blame yourself here."
She
nods fairly unconvincingly and says "But Nick ... Kingston, Vogelman,
Hinks why me? Even Chris to some extent saw me as a victim ... do I appear
weak? Is that it?"
"First
off, from what Lea said with Vogelman it was just a case of wrong place wrong
time. You weren't his intended victim Jessica you were just the one who was
there."
"I
guess"
"And
with Kingston and Hinks it isn't your weakness that intrigues them if anything
it's the opposite. It's like you said, they are dysfunctional little men, they
despise women and here you are brilliant, beautiful and not one bit intimidated
by them. You stood up to them when they expected you to crumble ... it's your
strength Jessica, not weakness."
"I
won't be intimidated Nick" Jessica says and he senses it's more to remind
herself of this than him.
"You
think I don't know that? You think that doesn't terrify me?"
She's
surprised by the desperation in his voice. "Why Nick? Do you want me to be
weak?"
"Of
course not, but he's still out there Jessica, and it scares me that neither of
you are likely to back down."
"It
was Hinks in the cab Nick, I know it."
"I
believe you."
"Next
time I won't run I'll..."
He
turns her towards him and determinedly says "You'll run! Promise me that
Jessica."
"Baby
... I ..."
"Standing
up to him isn't important Jessica. Your safety is!" he places his hands on
her belly "This is! Promise me you'll remember that."
"I
promise" she says quietly. Her hand raises to smooth the worry out of his
face. "I promise."
They
stay that way. Letting the silence reassure each other. Their eyes seek out and
try to ease their pain. Jessica moves closer to him and sinks against his body.
'I'm here I'm safe believe me' her actions say and Nick holds her tight, trying
to ease his fear that he could ever lose her.
As
she pulls out of his embrace and straightens up he says "You don't believe
me do you?"
"About
what?"
"That
none of this is your fault" She looks away and turning her face back to
his he says "Baby you are not weak."
"With
Chris I was"
"He
drugged you!"
"No
I mean before that."
"What
happened in high school?"
"Yeah"
"It
wasn't weakness Jessica you just trusted too easily. He saw that in you and
took advantage..."
"You
did too"
"I
never took..."
"No
no" she calms him down with her hand on his cheek "I meant you saw I
trusted too easily. You put a lot of time and effort into drilling that out of
me."
Nick
smiles remembering the fresh faced, eager to please, rookie she used to be. It
wasn't so much her trust in others he wanted to curb, he worked hard at
bolstering her trust in herself. He hates witnessing how easily that can be
destroyed.
"I
bet that's why you hired me to help y’all when I’m in town in the
first place" Jessica says smiling.
"Why?"
"Well
you had Lea and Drew who weren't going to be pushed around by anyone, not even
you, so when I walked in you thought here's a sweet young thing I can get to do
all my bidding."
"Biggest
mistake of my life" Nick says grinning.
"Hiring
me?"
"No
believing I could 'make' you do anything."
"I
don't know Nick you can be charmingly persuasive at times."
"Really?"
"I
married you didn't I?"
"So
if I used some of that charm now?" Nick asks with a leer.
"Never
going to happen ... I've an early start tomorrow."
"Was
worth a try" he mumbles pouting.
"Yeah
it was" she laughs and standing kisses his head "goodnight" she
walks to her side of the bed and reaches for her nightwear.
"You
know" he says turning to look at her "a decent man would probably let
you leave it at that."
She
laughs and sits on the bed "You're never going to let me forget that are
you?"
"I
could be persuaded to" he waggles his eyebrows at her.
"Is
that all you ever think about?" she laughs.
"Pretty
much ... and chocolate cake ... now if I could just get you covered in
chocolate cake..."
Jessica
laughs and lays back on the bed giving him a 'you are crazy' look. He moves up
the bed and draws her to him. Snuggled up behind her he whispers
"Chocolate covered you that would make me a very happy man."
She
giggles enjoying lying here with him like this and knowing she should really be
in bed and not just on it. "You're feeling a little happy just from
thinking about it" she teases.
He
moves closer pressing the evidence of her words against her and whispers
"There's nothing little about it?"
"Tell
you what baby" she says in a serious voice "You go make the cake,
don't forget the frosting, and I'll just wait here patiently until it's
ready."
"Oooh"
he says delighted "You're on"
Nick
gets up and leaves and laughing Jessica rises to prepare for bed. When she's
ready she's surprised to find he isn't back yet. She thought he would just be
turning out the lights and then come straight back. She starts to think he
couldn't possibly have taken her seriously could he and walks down the hallway
in search of him. When she reaches the lounge and he isn't there she hesitantly
calls out "Baby?"
He
pops out of the kitchen, apron on and flour on his cheek and says
"Yes?"
She
looks at him in astonishment "You didn't!"
"I
did" he replies.
She
brushes past him as she rushes into the kitchen and he wraps his arms around
her from behind and whispers "Fooled ya"
Wiggling
out of his arms she mumbles "I think I may start looking for that decent
man after all." She walks back to the bedroom, not believing it herself
for even a second. Nick's laughter lets her know he didn't fall for the line
either.
When
Nick crawls into bed ten minutes later her arms are welcoming and her lips
grateful. She enjoys his warmth spooned up behind her and the serenity and
security his arms offer. Even if only for a brief time he can always make her
forget her troubles. It's then she remembers she was supposed to be doing that
for him.
"Nick
you were saying something before Hinks rang."
"Don't
worry about it now" he says with a little laugh.
"You
sure?"
"Positive."
He's barely finished saying the word before she falls asleep.
Sleep is harder to come by for Nick though. Scott's answer of maybe still
ringing loudly in his ears. Nick can't help feeling that had he been in the
room, he would have been a deserving target. After all he's the friend who was
supposed to help but who instead destroyed Scott's life.
End of part 13.
Day
198
"The
ayes have it!" Nick says before storming out of the room.
Jessica
feels guilty as she watches him go knowing her actions hurt him. She looks
around the table at the expectation on the faces around her. "I'll talk to
him" she quietly says and leaves the room.
As
she walks towards his office she prepares herself to endure his anger. The hurt
betrayed look he gave her as she voted against him plays before her eyes. She
takes a deep breath before opening the door. The glimpse of him as she steps
through the door only heightens her apprehension, she really isn't looking
forward to this conversation. She hopes he can see how sorry she is. Hopes he
knows that she hated going against him and if there was any other option she
would have taken it..
That
he is furious and ready to lash out at her is evident in his posture. His hands
grip the back of his chair as his eyes bore into her. "Nice ambush
Jessica!"
She
knows he'll never agree with her deceit she can only hope she can make him
understand why she was forced to do it. "Can't you see how emotional
you're getting?"
"I
was worried about you for God's sake!"
She
doesn't doubt that for a second but her concern right now is his over emotional
reaction to Scott's case. She walks towards him intent on having the conversation
he's avoided for so long. "Do you feel responsible for the shooting?"
He
looks down with a sigh. He stands there shaking his head and she watches the
anger drain away as it's replaced by sorrow. His body screams out guilt guilt
guilt but he can't bring himself to say it.
It
hurts her to see him like this. She doesn't believe for a second he should hold
any guilt but how can she convince him to let it go. "Nick, look you
believed his wife committed suicide."
He
resignedly walks around the desk and towards her. All the animosity is gone
from his voice when he says "I still do."
"In
which case you couldn't possibly foresee that he would walk into a meeting with
a gun."
"I
know" he says accepting her point. He knows he isn't to blame but knowing
it and believing it are vastly different concepts.
She
steps right up to him and determinedly says "You can't put this thing on
yourself Nick!"
"I'm
not doing that Jessica! It's just ... I'm the only one who can help him here
... I can't pull out on him now ... You have to let me do it!"
She
looks at him. His eyes plead with her. He's never so openly and honestly asked
for her help before and she won't turn him down now. She could never turn her
back on him. Her arms tell him what her voice finds it hard to say. "I'll
help you do it ... whatever you need ... I'm there for you always."
Nick
welcomes her embrace. Gains strength from her renewed support but there is a
question that weighs heavy on his mind. He pulls out of the embrace a little and
looks at Jessica. "Why didn't you warn me or at least talk to me about it
first?"
"Because
I was afraid this would happen." She drops her arms and takes a step
backwards away from him.
Nick
isn't concerned by her actions because he can read from the expression on her
face she just needs space to talk. He is troubled by her words though.
"Afraid of what?"
"This
..." her hands wave in the air between them. "... that you'd talk me
into it. I guess I hoped you'd let them sway you. That if the vote went against
you you'd let it go ... Nick I still wish you would."
"I
can't Jessica."
"I
know" her disheartened voice lets him know how much she wishes it were
otherwise.
"You
really don't want me to do it that much?" he asks surprised.
"I
don't want you hurt Nick. I don't like what this case is doing to you. You're
hurting and I can't help you and ... I don't like it!"
"You're
here that helps" he steps closer to her.
"Yeah"
she huffs in disbelief knowing there is nothing calming about her presence now,
Hinks has seen to that. "You're worried about me, you're worried about
Scott, you're ... the only person you're not taking care of is yourself and
that scares me. I don't want to see you hurt."
"Jessica
it's going to hurt whether I defend him or not but to sit back and watch
someone else do it ... to lose that control, to lose the chance to put things
right ... I need that chance."
"I
know."
Pleased
she's not going to argue with him he says "So we'll go back in there
and..."
"NO!"
Jessica replies vehemently.
"Jessica
please!" he begs. He thought they'd agreed he was going to do it.
"You're
going to wait here and I'm going back in" she explains.
"I'm
not letting you take the heat on this."
"Nick
if you want my vote you'll do it my way."
He
opens his mouth to argue but she shoots him a warning look that stops him. She
steps forward and picking up his hand entwines it in hers as she explains her
reason.
"If
you go in their you'll get defensive. You'll start arguing and shouting. Nick they
don't want you doing it because they think you're too emotional, blowing your
top is not going to convince them otherwise."
"But..."
"No
buts! I'm going in alone and no matter what happens you don't leave this office
until I come back ... Deal?"
"Jessica?"
"It's
the only way it's going to be."
"Fine!"
he turns and walks to his desk. He slumps into his chair and looks up at her a
mix of anger and irritation.
"Wait
here!" she reminds him as she walks to the door and he waves her away.
Hating that he knows she is right and detesting the fact she's about to face
their ire for him.
Jessica
walks calmly into the conference room and announces she's changed her vote. She
does a few deep breathing relaxation exercises as they all bombard her with protests.
As the noise appears to be dying down she asks "You finished?"
There
are times when being pregnant comes in handy. Use a weary voice, throw on a
tired look, aimlessly stroke your abdomen and you can win many an argument as
no one wants to overexert you. Has she ever used this tactic for her own
benefit? No but for Nick she's willing to pull out all the stops. The fact they
haven't seen her act this way before quickly silences all the dissenting
voters. Pacified they listen, quickly overcoming her twinge of guilt for
manipulating them this way she outlines why Nick needs to take the case and why
he will receive everyone's full support.
Her
captive audience soon accepts the inevitable. With Jessica's vote Nick already
has the majority. They are obviously not going to be able to sway her so the
best they can do is learn to live with it. They file out one by one but Jessica
stops Lea before she can walk out the door. She has another set of instructions
for her. "Take care of him. Watch him like a hawk and let me know the
second it becomes too much for him."
Lea nods not really needing to be told this but knowing Jessica
needs to say it. Lea's spent many a year nurturing Nick's state of mind and
knows how concerned Jessica is right now. She squeezes Jessica's hand and
watches relief cross over her face. Jessica turns and walks back to Nick's
office leaving Lea feeling as if she's just shaken hands on a very important
deal.
End of 14.
Day
202
As
Nick enters the bedroom he sees Jessica standing beside the bed, her hands
caressing her stomach. She looks across at him and in answer to his unspoken
concern whispers "The baby hasn't moved."
He
walks slowly towards her, his eyes still questioning. Standing behind her his
hands join hers mirroring their actions.
"I
haven't ..." she takes a deep breath then leans back against him "I
haven't felt movement all day ... normally it's ... Nick the baby hasn't
moved!"
He
can feel her concern just as clearly as he can see it. He remains silent as he
thinks about the implications of what she said. Not liking where his thoughts
are going he asks for clarification. "Is that ... should ... what does
that mean?"
"I
don't know!"
"But
you're scared?"
"Yes."
"What
about you? Do you feel ... sick or ..."
"No
I feel fine ... I feel ok"
"And
this has never happened before?"
"Not
that I can recall"
His
hand moves from her unresponsive belly to smooth along her arm. He steps until
he is facing her, wanting her to see the sincerity in his eyes. "You're
tired and ... and maybe the baby is too" she nods and his hand moves to
her cheek. "I'm sure everything's fine ... if there's no 3 a.m. rumba
tonight then ... then we'll call the doctor in the morning. Ok?"
"Ok"
she nods again.
"Everything
is fine Jessica ... the baby's just sleeping."
She
nods again, wanting to believe him but unsure. Nick helps her into bed before
preparing for bed himself. He fully expected her to still be awake when he was
ready to get in because she hadn't appeared likely to relax enough for sleep
but when he returned to the bedroom he found exhaustion had won out and she'd
drifted off. Having climbed in beside her he lay there watching her, worrying
about her and hoping his bravado of earlier would prove true. The exhaustion of
the day finally wore him down and sleep consumed him too.
The
third sharp kick to his shin wakes Nick. He hears Jessica mumbling and moaning
and realizes she's having a nightmare. Turning on the lamp he calls to her,
unsure if he should wake her or not but trying to calm her down. He softly
strokes her arm saying "Baby it's ok ... you're just having a nightmare
... shhhh ... baby wake up ... it's ok"
Jessica
sits up suddenly and breathing out heavily groans "Oooh ... Oh god!"
"You
ok?" Nick asks running his hand over her back.
She
turns and looks at him and he sees the terror still evident in her eyes. She
climbs out of bed and hurries out of the room. Her gait unsteady from
drowsiness but her flight reflex activated.
Nick
immediately gets up and follows her. He was dismayed by the lack of recognition
on her face. It's not the first time he's seen her troubled by nightmares but
its the first time he's seen one make her run. Normally it's a case of 'I'm
fine baby,' 'It was nothing baby,' "Go back to sleep baby' but tonight
he's not even sure she realizes it was Nick in her bed. He finds her leaning
over the sink in the kitchen, a glass of ice water in her hand.
"Hey"
he says walking in "Are you ok?" She turns and looks at him. He can
see how upset she is. Tears pool in her eyes. "Is it the baby?" he
asks and is relieved when she shakes her head. "The nightmare?" This
time she nods. "Tell me about it?" he asks soothingly.
She
appears about to refuse then her body seems to collapse in on itself as she
tonelessly recites her vision "I was dead ... Hinks was there and I was
watching him, knowing what was about to happen to me. I was watching my body,
unable to do anything and ... he'd never had a pregnant woman before ... I
could only watch ... I knew what he was going to do but I couldn't stop him ...
I could only watch .. I couldn't feel anything I could just see ... I wasn't
alone ... there was death all around me ... millions of faces hovering around
me ... angry at me ... victims who felt wronged but what I'd done and ... and
... and I remember faces ... lots of faces ... I saw Vogelman and Kingston and
Eikman and ... Rooney and ... so many more and they were taunting me... telling
me what Hinks was going to do and what they were going to do and ... and this
was ... this was what eternity would be like..."
"No!
God no" Nick walks towards her stopping a few steps away from her when his
movement seemed to distress her. "It was just a nightmare Jessica ...
that's not what it's like ... that's just a nightmare..."
"I
still feel dead!" Jessica says her voice faltering. She looks Nick full in
the eyes as her hands run over her face, wiping away her tears and trying to as
easily brush off her fear. "I still feel dead!" she says again then
reaches a hand out to him and pleads "Nick, please! Help me feel
alive."
"Come
here" he says and she takes the final steps and walks into his arms. His
hands rub over her back as he whispers soothing assurances. When she shows no
relief from his actions he pulls away and takes her hand in his "God
Jessica you're freezing" he rubs her hands and watching her face sees how
shaky she is. He puts his arm around her and leads her back upstairs to their
room.
"I
need to feel alive" Jessica says again as Nick helps her into bed. He
climbs in after her and wraps his body around hers. His warmth sinks into her,
his breath tickling her skin and his hands hold and soothe but it's not enough.
She pushes away and sits up. She can't just lie here when she feels nothing.
She needs to feel again. Her hands rest where movement should be but there is
none. She sobs.
Nick
rises pushing back so he's sitting and leaning against the headboard. His face
is concerned as he watches her. He calls her name when the tears come and she
turns to look at him. She scrambles towards him. Her legs drape across his lap
as she braces her body against his. Her cheek on his shoulder, nose nestled
against his neck and arms tightly clinging to his torso. He feels so alive. She
wants to feel alive too.
Nick
holds her closely to him. He strokes her hair with his free hand while
whispering reassurances to her. The strength of her emotion and despair scares
him. He doesn't know what she needs him to do. He's only playing catch up here
and knows she deserves more than that.
"Help
me" she begs quietly and his hand moves from her hair to her cheek.
He
guides her head from his shoulder so he can look in her eyes. The fear he sees
there stuns him.
"I
need to feel alive" she implores, her still body trembling against his.
Her mind caught in a terror that won't let go.
His
fingers stroke over her cheek. His warm breath washes over her bringing with it
treasured sensation. She moves her face closer seeking more and for the first
time he senses he can help. His lips softly brush against hers. "You're
alive" he whispers against her skin as his hand skims over her abdomen
"You're full of life."
Jessica
whimpers and burrows closer to Nick, her actions asking for more. His lips
continue to caress her skin with kisses and affirmations as his hand moves to
the buttons on her shirt. Once open fingers seek her out. A warm hand brushes
against her side, she feels goose bumps rising on her flesh as it travels
upwards. It encounters the soft rise of a breast and moves to encircle it.
Testing its weight, cupping her, his thumb and forefinger close on her
sensitive nipple and she gasps in pain.
"Sorry"
he whispers and immediately moves his hand away.
"No!"
she cries grasping his wrist trying to return his hand to her "Again! ...
It's good ... I need it"
His
hand resists her effort and rises to her cheek. His face moves away from hers
and he looks deeply into her eyes "No" he emphatically avows
"No!"
She
wants to scream at him 'I felt it, it hurt but I felt it. I want to be able to
feel again' She throws her head back in frustration hating the fear that's
consuming her. Hating the numbness she feels. Nick’s face moves from her
field of vision and she feels his lips tenderly brush against her chest. Her
head shakes despondently, she doesn't want tender kisses, she wants fury, she
wants frenzy, she wants to fight fire with fire. She needs to override her
fear. She needs to feel alive. The pain was a jolt of life. She wants to feel
it again.
Suddenly
Nick's mouth is on her, suckling her, his tongue teases her nipple. His mouth
is warm and moist and delightfully elicits a similar reaction from her. She
feels her body succumbing to him. Its tension pooling and transforming to heat
and exhilaration and she realizes how wrong she was. She didn't need pain to
feel alive. Nick's hands Nick's mouth his heat his strength all conspire to
bring life surging back in endless waves of pleasure. His passion fills her
with life. She can feel it coursing through her body, reclaiming her, igniting
her.
"Better?"
Nick asks as he moves his attention to her other breast.
"Hmmm
yes" is her sibilant reply.
His
hand moves from its supporting perch on her hip and slides between her thighs pushing
her underwear out of the way. His fingers glide over her, teasing, touching,
circling, entering while his thumb sets about inflaming her nerves. His mouth
leaves her breast and makes its way back up her body to brush against her lips.
Pulling away to watch the emotions play across her face he asks "Do you
feel alive now?"
Her
breath puffs against his face as she cries out "Yes"
He
moves in kissing her again "I love you" he declares, his eyes boring
into hers as his hand continues to create the frenzy she'd earlier craved.
"Yes"
she again vows as her body thrusts against him.
He
peppers her face with kisses "I won't let anything happen to you."
"Yes."
"You're
alive."
"Yes."
Unsure
if she's approving of his words or his actions he implores "Say it!"
"I'm
alive."
"And?"
"You
love me."
"Again."
"I'm
... alive ... and ... you love me."
"Believe
it?" he pleads, his mouth pressed against her ear.
"Yes!"
she cries as her release hits.
His
mouth captures hers as her body seethes with life. He feels her pulsating
around him. Her hand grips his forearm, holding him to her as her body burns.
Her fingers loosen their grip as the fire simmers and her body sinks, sated and
exhausted.
Nick's
hand leaves her and raises to cup her face. His thumb traces over her lip
imprinting her essence there. His forehead rests against hers. "You're
alive" he whispers and she nods whispering in return "I'm
alive." His lips meet hers drinking her in. Tasting her, loving her celebrating
her life.
They
move down the bed as they kiss until laying side by side. Their legs tangle and
eyes immerse in each other. She holds his hand in both of hers and rests it
against her chest. He caresses her hair with his free hand. She smiles at him,
then her face stills in concentration before breaking into a look of pure
bliss. She drags his hand down and places it over her undulating belly. Tears
stream down her face. So much joy!
"Rumba time" he whispers drawing her lips to his
"You're so full of life."
End of part 15.
Day
204
Nick
hears Jessica cry out his name and rushes out of his office to see what is
wrong. Jessica is still seated at her desk but she has pushed her chair away
and is looking with distaste at the ringing phone. "It's our private line"
she quietly says in response to his questioning gaze.
Striding
purposefully to the phone Nick picks it up barking a gruff greeting. He waits
for a response but is met with only silence. The faint sound of breathing
slowly arises as he listens more intently. His eyes meet Jessica's and he's
incensed by the pain and fear he encounters there. He rests his hand on her
shoulder, squeezing it gently to assure her she is fine and so is he. With his
eyes encouraging her to be unconcerned he makes promises and demands of the man
he knows is on the other end of the line. Demands he leave Jessica alone and
promises of what would occur to him if he did not.
The
others in the office slowly draw near. Whether their approach is through curiosity
or concern it is hard to tell. This is an impassioned Nick, open before them
like they've rarely seen before. Behind their surprise is the dread of the
futility of Nick's threats to stop a man like William Hinks. They fear for Nick
and Jessica should Hinks not be stopped.
Jessica's
hand raises to capture Nick's as it rests upon her shoulder. With a soft
squeeze she tells him he's said enough. Hanging up, Nick uses their joined
hands to help Jessica rise and leads her into his office. Closing the door
behind them he walks to the armchair drawing her onto his knees. Ignoring her
protests she's too heavy now, he buries his face in her neck and shoulder and
holds her close against him.
Understanding
his need she relaxes into him as her hands smooth through his hair. "What
did he say to you?" she asks but the shake of his head is his only reply.
Jessica is unsure if it is because he can't or won't say but decides either way
she doesn't need to know. She won't hurt Nick by making him say the words to her.
She's sure she knows William Hinks well enough to be able to fill in the
blanks.
Day
207-09
Nick
is afraid to hold Jessica's hand. He's afraid the crushing fear he feels will
be conveyed in his grip. He doesn't want to hurt or worry her and turns away so
she can't see his face. Jessica is having a second sonogram. The circumstances
so far beyond that of their first that it's hard to believe it is the same
procedure. He remembers the joy and excitement as they prepared to hear their child's
heartbeat for the first time. There is no excitement today, no, now all he
feels is dread.
This
time it isn't the first glimpse of a new life but a barrage of tests to decide
if this life will continue. He can't believe they've come this far only to risk
losing it all now. The sonogram shows the baby is a boy. A son. His son! A tiny
precious boy fighting for life while his mother is hounded and harassed to the
end of her tether by a psychotic maniac. A son. Nick questions a God that at
this moment he despises.
Why
give this child to them if He's only going to take him away? What lesson is
this for them to learn? What have they done to deserve this? Why does
everything good that happens to him have to be a life and death struggle? And
how many more losses and near losses is he expected to take?
A
son. Their baby is a son.
"Please
God don't take him now" Nick prays.
"Nicholas"
There
is a plea in her voice he cannot deny. He's by her side instantly. Walks with her
as she's wheeled back to her room. "It's going to be ok Jessica, you'll
see, it's going to be ok" he says as often as she needs to hear it, hoping
his vice doesn't convey his fear. Jessica wants to believe him, he can see that
in her eyes. Hell he wants to believe him. God please let it be true.
Where
the hell are the damn doctors?
He
watches the baby monitor, each beat of his tiny heart registering. To Nick the
fact it's still beating must account for something but the grave faces around
him scare him. He's tired of hearing 'we are doing everything we can Mr.
Lachey, you need to be patient Mr. Lachey, these things take time.' He wants
more constructive answers. He wants something they can pin their hopes on.
Something to remove the ache in his heart
Finally
he's told he can take Jessica home. 59 hours after she first collapsed in his
arms he gingerly leads her to their car. That has got to be the worst
experience of his life he thinks. Terrified he never left her side. He
couldn't. Afraid for her safety, afraid for the baby. No one was getting to her
without first going through him. He watched over her, her face pale and wan,
her hands never left her belly, clutching it as if through sheer strength of
will she could keep the baby safe and inside. 'Hold on Jessica' he'd prayed as
he watched her sleep 'Hold on!'
They
have a list of instructions as long as his arm that she is to follow. She's to
avoid stress and most importantly she's to rest. Take it easy, they were told,
but no where on that list does it explain how they are supposed to keep William
Hinks out of their lives.
It
isn't until they arrive home and he sees their tree that it occurs to him today
is Christmas day. He wonders if Jessica knows as he helps her into bed but he
doesn't say a word. He already has everything he needs. He has her home, he has
renewed hope and he has his dreams. What she needs more than gifts is rest.
Maybe tomorrow they will acknowledge it but for now Christmas is low on his
list of priorities.
Jessica
holds her hand out to him and Nick crawls onto the bed and spoons up behind
her. She clasps his hand in hers, rests it over their child. Nick's her anchor
and combined they'll keep their child safe.
Nick
is grateful to hear Jessica's breath quickly even out and to feel her body
relax in sleep. He holds her tight, hoping he will always be able to comfort
her, love her and shield her from harm.
Day
215
Jessica
showers first now, needing Nick's help to climb out of the tub. A week of him
having to change out of his wet shirt and they worked this system out. Who says
they aren't intelligent? She dreams of a house with a separate shower. They are
looking to move in a completely disinterested way. One of these days it will
happen. Her only demand so far is a separate shower. Having struggled through
one pregnancy with a bath/shower combination she outright refuses to for
another. Of course the days of a second pregnancy are a long way off when you
consider she still has three months before this baby makes his appearance.
Her
centre of gravity has changed and she finds herself needing help with a number
of life's little obstacles. For such a fiercely independent person it took a
little getting used to. The joy in Nick's expression whenever she turned to him
for help reminds her she has a man who loves her and is desperate to be allowed
to show her how much. Knowing it pleases him takes the sting out of needing to
ask.
"Nick!"
she calls heralding her white knight. He arrives brandishing a preheated towel
and a piece of toast. She eyes them all hungrily. "Sunken lounge" she
suggests as she accepts his supportive arm.
"Marble
staircase?" he retorts.
"Landscaped
gardens and a room for the maid?"
"Surround
sound and a hot tub?"
"Ooh"
she grins as her feet find the floor "You're on."
So
far she's agreed to an indoor pool, a fish pond, a fountain and a hot tub. He
senses a pattern emerging.
Nick
watches her towel clad body waddle away before removing his damp clothing and
entering the shower. He doesn't mind their small home (to them at), at least he
knows she's never far away. With the dangers lurking right outside their door
he finds comfort in having her always so near.
Being
home with her this week has been a curse and a blessing. As terrified as he is
about her health they've taken this Christmas/New Year break as a time of
recovery and reconnection. They've held onto and opened up to one another out
of fear but in doing so have found joy. This time alone with her has sought to remind
him how precious she is to him and how much he wants for their future together.
Until
now he's kept the outside world away from her but can only continue to do so
for one more day. Tuesday by necessity he must return to the office and for
safety's sake so must she. The house walls are not secure enough for him to
risk leaving her here on her own. She's not keen on the idea of being cooped up
and mothered in the office so the fact she's agreed to it is proof to him of
the extent of her fear.
Today he'll do everything he can to keep that fear from
consuming her. They'll herald in the new year together. The year in which their
child will be born. He'll concentrate on the reasons they have to celebrate and
hope the new year can bring with it an end to their pain.
End of part 16.
Day
222
Jessica
walks into the office and sees Nick sitting with a far away look in his eyes.
She believes she could probably dance naked before him and he wouldn't even
notice. It's a theory she'll leave untested though as she would hate to see it
proved correct. She runs her hands across his shoulders and asks "What are
you thinking about Nick?"
His
head turns to her and he smiles as he says "You."
"Really?"
she says pleased with the look of adoration on his face until it morphs into
William Hinks' and he says "Yeah, and how much I'd love to kill you!"
Jessica
sits up startled. She can't remember the last time she's slept without having a
nightmare involving Hinks. As she tries to calm her breathing she hears a moan
from behind her and turns to see Nick tossing his head from side to side. She
leans towards him and places her hand softly on his cheek. Calming, he leans
into it and nuzzles against her palm. His eyes slowly open and he mumbles
"Hey" as he looks at her in concern.
"Bad
dream?" she asks and he replies with a somewhat embarrassed smile.
"What was it about?" she says moving to face him more.
"You.."
he begins to reply then his face morphs again and she imagines Hinks' voice
saying "killing you."
She
shudders and a sob escapes as her hand pulls away from him.
Nick
immediately sits up and pulls her towards him "Hey it's ok!" he says
instinctively as he cradles her in his arms. Her shaking worries him and he
asks "Baby, are you ok?"
"I
had a dream too" she whispers, finding comfort in his arms and voice, but
afraid to look at his face. Her eyes remain tightly closed, her face buried in
his chest.
"Bad?"
he asks even though he already knows the answer.
"Just
one of those surreal ones it's hard to wake from."
"Want
to talk about it?"
"Not
really ... want to talk about yours?"
"No."
For
some reason this makes her laugh and hearing his answering chuckle she finds
the strength to look at him. He is there, the face she knows and loves with no
sign of it changing again. She touches it reminding herself this is what's
real. She sees the concern in his eyes and wonders if maybe they should talk
about their dreams but she can't bring herself too. At first they'd cling to
one another and share their visions but now the nightmares have almost become
commonplace. She's tired of talking about them. She just wants to forget them.
"Does
this make us dysfunctional?" Jessica asks.
"No
... it's late and what we need the most is sleep. Besides I doubt there is any
great hidden meaning in our dreams."
She
nods knowing he's right. The stress and fear of the day is merely carrying over
into the night. It is late and Scott's trial starts tomorrow so she wants Nick
as rested as he can be for that. She lays back down and Nick curls himself
around her. She clutches his arm willing her mind to sense only his presence
and not her fear.
Nick
can feel the tension in her body and knows the dream still consumes her. He
won't press her to talk about it, how can he when he isn't ready to face his
own yet, but he wants to take her mind off it.
"I
often dream about you Jessica" he whispers against her ear.
"Really?"
she giggles.
"Not
like that!" he laughs and then corrects himself "I mean I do but
that's not what I'm talking about here."
He
feels her grip ease and her fingers become more animated than agitated. As they
softly play along the veins in his arm she asks "Tell me about one."
He
smiles, knowing how susceptible she is to a bedtime story, and hoping tonight
he can lull her back to sleep. Speaking softly he says "The other night I
dreamt we were walking along a beach. It was freezing, middle of winter, we
were so rugged up you could hardly tell it was us. You were walking so close to
me you were practically super-glued to my side. My arm was around your
shoulders, keeping you close, while yours was inside my overcoat snaked around
my waist. We had the baby and I had one of those pouch things on so all I could
see was these tiny legs hanging out from the bottom. You kept reaching out and
playing with the nearest foot..." he peters off as he becomes lost in the
memory of the dream.
Jessica
who was becoming immersed in the image prompts him to continue "What
happened next?"
"Oh
... uh ... we ... there was a dune and we sat there sheltered from the wind and
... um ..."
She
senses his hesitation in both words and manner and says "It's ok if you
don't want to tell me baby I just thought you did."
"I
do ... it's just ..." he sighs then says "actually the dream was just
us walking I uh ... tried to add something romantic but couldn't think of
anything."
Jessica
laughs "Now why doesn't that surprise me."
Hearing
the tease in her voice he grins and says "Now if you're going to insult me
you should at least do it to my face.
Jessica
huffs and puffs as she rolls over. Her increased size and reduced mobility make
a once simple task a production. "Better?" she asks when settled and
in answer to his nod she softly presses her lips to his.
As
she pulls away she says "I love you Nick but you don't have a romantic
bone in your body."
"I
do to" he protests.
Jessica
rolls her eyes barely hiding her grin as she says "Your idea of romance is
me sitting in on a case with you."
He
gives her a sly smile and she smiles back remembering some of the 'romantic'
moments during their past cases. "You know for a woman who supposedly
loves me you do complain a lot."
"Not
complaints Nick, observations" she vows then adds "and not supposedly
either, definitely!"
He
smiles and raises his hand to stroke over her cheek.
"Baby"
she says, her voice serious again now. His eyes move from their focus on her
mouth back to hers. "I'd rather hear the truth than have you make up
something because you think it's what I want to hear."
He
nods showing he already knows this.
"It
sounded like a nice dream" she says trying to get him to tell her more.
He
smiles "It was"
"So
how did you feel?"
He
looks at her confused.
"In
the dream how did you feel?"
"Complete
... happy ... in love."
Jessica
smiles and takes his hand in hers. She rests their joined hands on the pillow
besides her face. "Thank you" she whispers, her breath warming his
fingers.
Nick's not quite sure what she's thanking him for and as he
watches her drift off to sleep he feels he's the one who should be giving
thanks. He doesn't know what he did to deserve her love but he treasures it all
the same. He smiles thinking when this case is over and won he'll show her how
romantic he can be.
End of part 17.
Day
225
Nick
hears Alan Neal leave. Alan's promise, "I'll take care of it Nick,"
still echoes in his ears. He takes a few deep calming breaths pushing down his
fear and uncertainty. He has to believe he's doing the right thing. Jessica
hasn't returned to his office so with one final stabilizing breath he goes to
find her, his insouciant mask again in place. All is well. There is nothing to
worry about. I'm not concerned.
Jessica
is in the conference room, looking out the window, her hands caressing their
child. She's a vision of maternal love and devotion. So beautiful, so strong,
so vulnerable.
"Jessica?"
he calls softly and she immediately turns and walks towards him. He watches her
each step of the way. Any belief he's doing the wrong thing evaporates. She's
all that matters, whatever it takes; he'll do it to keep her safe.
Nick
takes a step forward and engulfs her in his arms; his face buried deep against
her shoulder. He's terrified of failing her. If this doesn't work he doesn't
know what he'll do next. Jessica's hands run over his back and he hears her
concerned "Baby? ...You ok?"
"Yeah
I just missed you" he whispers as his arms hold her tighter. His mind
churning with concern. He cannot lose her. He just can't.
Technically
Jessica hasn't been working. She's on an enforced leave under doctor's orders
but the horrendous circumstances make it necessary for her to be at the office.
The idea of her at home, alone, unprotected is too much to bear. So she potters
around at the office under the eagle eyes of six mother hens insisting she
doesn't do too much. Guards who have banded together, differences put aside,
willing to defend her with their every breath.
Today
Lea surprised Nick when, knowing she was the only one who could be spared for
the day, she immediately volunteered to accompany Jessica to the hospital upon
hearing of Jeannie's death. They all know how close Jessica came to losing the
baby and will do anything to ensure it doesn't happen. He can only pray their
vigilance will succeed.
All
their efforts are useless though with Hinks still running her around in an
endless cycle of terror. If Nick could have had her in court with him he would
have been far happier, as much for her expertise as the additional security of
the courthouse, but physically she isn't up to it. Instead he has to trust that
Lea is making her rest and Drew is keeping her safe. Knowing in reality she's
out there fighting them every step of the way.
Jessica
has rebelled against the imprisonment, hating the perceived notion that Hinks
has already taken her life from her. Nick compromised and hired a guard. She
can leave as long as she never leaves alone. Every moment he fears all these
precautions won't be enough. He cannot lose her the mere thought of life
without her is inconceivable.
Jessica
knows there is more to Nick's embrace than just missing her but doesn't push
him. His mind needs to be on his closing now and not her. He needs to see this
through; he needs to win for both Scott's sake and his own. Jessica fears it
will destroy him if he doesn't win and she won't be the cause of his
destruction. She won't. Her problems will take a back seat until he is free to
think of her again. She won't pressure him. She won't have him focused on her
when he needs to be concentrating on Scott's trial now.
Her
arms offer whatever comfort he needs. It's such an emotional time for them both.
His guilt over Scott's welfare and his fear of the damage the case has caused
to his relationship with Justin are reflected in his every haunted look. She
knows he thinks he's protecting her by not burdening her with his pain. He may
not share but that doesn't stop him needing her. Tonight is not the first time
he's silently found his strength cradled in her arms. She hears him take a deep
breath then his body tenses as he straightens up to look at her.
"How
are you doing?" he asks.
Tears
form in her eyes and she shakes her head. How is she expected to be when a
friend has just been murdered? She needs to talk to him about her guilt over
Jeannie but how can she? He's already in so much pain. Besides she already
knows what he'll say "You warned her ... You told her more than you should
have but she chose not to listen ... You did everything you could ... You
'cannot' blame yourself." But the words are hollow echoing in her brain.
They lack the comfort she derives from his voice. She needs his voice but is
willing to settle for his arms.
Nick
looks at her and thinks what a great pair they make. They are both hurting but
refusing to confide in the other. Locking it all in, hoping to protect the one
they love. His hand rests on her cheek, his thumb gently stroking it.
"Let's get you and the melon home" he says and is delighted to see
her smile.
"We're
back to melon again?"
"I
kinda like that one."
She rolls her eyes and reaching up to take the hand resting
against her cheek in hers, she leads him out the door.
End of part 18.
Day 227
"Nick's
been arrested in connection with William Hink's murder" a subdued Lea says
hanging up the phone.
"What!!"
Jessica screams her knees almost buckling under her.
"It
just happened ... he's being arraigned this afternoon."
"I'm
on my way" Drew grabs his coat and hurries to the door
Grabbing
her bag Jessica follows saying "I'm going too"
Drew
stops and turns looking at her "No Jessica your..."
"He's
my husband I'm certainly entitled to..." Jessica begins to argue but Drew
interrupts her.
"Your
7 months pregnant" he says as if that's all the explanation required.
"So
what!" Jessica finds it hard to believe they are fighting her on this.
Where should she be but by her husband's side?
"He's
right Jessica" Lea says in a soothing voice as she places her hand on
Jessica's arm.
"Lea!"
Jessica's incredulous having expected Lea of all the people to support her.
"You
don't want to stress yourself into miscarrying ... stay here" Lea
continues calmly.
The
dreaded word hits too close to home for Jessica and voices start to invade her
mind. All the doctors constant warnings to avoid undue stress. Her promises to
Nick she'll take things easy, she'll think of herself first above everyone
else, she'll protect their baby at all costs. She knows if Nick had the choice
he'd want her here, safe and resting. She can almost hear his insistent words.
Looking at all the concerned faces staring at her she sees that same insistence
and sighs giving in to their demands she stay.
Watching
Drew and Justin leave Jessica feels like she's failing Nick. Lea and Jeff watch
her every move as if expecting her to make a run for the door if they look
away. Resigned to her new role of couch potato she sits at her desk. She feels
trapped by the watchful eyes that never leave her, by the limitations of her
body, by these walls that separate her from where she truly belongs.
She
cannot stay seated for long. Needing to be near him she enters his office.
Hating the fact he isn't there she leaves it again. The conference room is
occupied by Jeff and his client. The library is free but she has no interest in
its contents. Totally frustrated with being cooped up in the office Jessica's
emotions finally explode. She can't believe she allowed her self to be talked
into staying. Turning to Lea accusingly she declares "You should never
have stopped me from going!"
"It's
better for the baby..." Lea begins to say hoping to calm Jessica down but
she isn't prepared to listen.
"This
is insane Lea. How can pacing here worried sick about Nick be better for the
baby? I'm more stressed now than I would be had I gone. I need to see him! I
should have gone! I should be..."
"No
what you should do is sit down..." Lea's calming tone only grates on
Jessica's already frazzled nerves.
"He's
my husband Lea! I should be with him. I need to know he's ok... God! I need to
see him." She turns away from Lea, works desperately to keep in her tears
as she voices her greatest concern "What the hell did he do?"
Lea
and Cacee exchange glances. They know they need to calm Jessica down but really
what can be done to achieve that. They are all on edge here waiting for news,
so how can they expect Jessica not to be? Lea, surprisingly, is the one who
comes up with a plan first.
"What
should I do about today's appointments?" she asks.
"What?"
Jessica says spinning around and glaring at her.
"Nick,
Drew and Justin all have meetings scheduled for this morning and somebody needs
to tell me who should be rescheduled and who needs to be seen today and who
will see the ones who need to be seen? Does someone want to take a look at this
list and tell me who's who?"
Suddenly
Cacee has urgent calls she needs to make and Lea's woebegone face broadens in
desperation. Jessica looks around the office at them and then in frustration
says "Oh give it here." Snatching the list from Lea she walks into
Nick's office. Cacee and Lea exchange relieved looks. They know they've only
bought themselves a little time but hopefully it will be enough for some good
news to have filtered back.
With
something other than her concern for Nick to focus on Jessica eases herself
into his chair and begins the first of many phone calls. It's all quiet in the
outer office when Lea whispers "Cacee she hasn't made a call in over ten
minutes, should someone check on her?"
Jeff
who has just walked his own client out of the office exchanges a look with
Cacee, each asking the other who should go in.
"Have
we heard anything from Drew?" Jeff asks and Lea sadly shakes her head.
Sighing Lea decides she should talk to Jessica and quietly enters Nick's
office.
Jessica
is sitting in Nick's chair with her eyes closed and arms spread over his desk
as if trying to channel him there. She barely notices Lea walking towards her
until her hand strokes slowly across Jessica's back and in a reassuring voice
she says "Nick always manages to fall on his feet ... you know that ...
you'll see this will all turn out ok too."
"I
think it's the not knowing that's the hardest to deal with Lea. I should have
gone. I need so much right now to see him. I need to know what's going on and
mostly ... I need to know he's ok."
"Nick's
ok!" Lea assures her "Drew and Justin are with him, he's ok."
Jessica's
teary eyes look up at Lea hopefully and then she shakes her head "What did
he do Lea? I can't believe this! I thought it was all over and we were finally
free. What did he do?"
Before
Lea can answer the phone rings and they overhear Cacee talking to Drew. Lea is
almost run down by Jessica rushing to get out there and hear the news. Hanging
up Cacee says "That was Drew. It looks like Nick's being charged with
solicitation."
"And?" Jessica says walking determinedly to her desk
and gathering her coat and bag. This time no one tries to stop her going.
End of part 19.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Case
32899 Commonwealth v Nicholas Lachey ... breaking and entering with intent to commit
felonious assault, conspiracy to commit murder and felony murder, and murder in
the first degree."
Jessica
watches Nick walk in as the charges are read. Although she can hear the clerks
words and Drew's subsequent response, their meaning barely sinks in. Her
attention is drawn to her husband. He looks defeated to her, shell shocked,
scared. She remembers the last time Nick was arrested and how he was angered by
it, but this time he looks resigned and ... guilty? Gone is his purposeful
stride, gone is the head held high in self assurance. With his jacket open, tie
off, shirt rumpled, top buttons undone he shows no interest in portraying an
outraged aggrieved appearance. There is no fight in him if anything he looks
apathetic. This does nothing to assuage Jessica's concern. She barely pays
attention to the proceedings as she watches Nick, analyses him and waits for
the moment she can run to him.
Jessica
hears the judge set bail and sees Drew walk towards Nick. She rises and rushes
towards him. Nick's eyes meet her as she approaches, stick to her hungrily,
unable to look away.
"Hey"
he says quietly, his tone apologetic and concerned.
Her
hand finds its way to his chest and, through her touch, assures him she's fine
and there for him. "You ok?" she asks feeling calm for the first time
since they received the call. This is what she needed; contact. The chance to
see him again, to feel him and know he is fine.
Nick gives a halfhearted nod and a quiet
"Yeah"
"We
gotta take him" the guard says tugging a little on Nick's shackled arms.
"I'm
going with him" Jessica states determined they won't be separated again.
"I
don't think that will..." the guard begins to object but Jessica cuts him
off.
"Then
don't think then ... I'm going!"
Sensing
it's an argument he's never going to win the guard relents and leads them away.
They silently walk down the long hallway and take a seat on the bench in Nick's
cell to wait to be processed. The moment Nick is uncuffed Jessica reaches out
and takes hold of his hand. They sit there in continued silence. The
conversation they need to have being too sensitive to bring up where the walls
have ears. She doesn't need to speak to console him. She doesn't need him to
speak to allay her fears. Right now all she needs is to be by his side and all
he wants is that too.
Drew
filled Jessica in on the details but only Nick's presence could assure her he
is ok. She looks at him. His head resting against the wall, his eyes closed,
one foot perched on the edge of the bench while the other leg stretches across
the cell. He looks relaxed, composed, like he's leaning against a tree,
stretched out enjoying the sunshine on a glorious spring day. She isn't fooled
for a second.
The
hand entwined with hers tells her more truthfully how he feels. It's there for
her but it takes nothing from her. He's afraid, guilt ridden and wanting to
run. She fears he's closing himself off to her as each second ticks by.
Believing he owes her comfort while he himself deserves only condemnation. She
knows him well enough to know he's punishing himself now, she certainly doesn't
need to. All she needs is to hear from him why. To understand what he went
through, what she fears she drove him to, and why he insisted on doing it
alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick
walks slowly into his office knowing that the conversation he dreaded can no
longer be avoided. Jessica hasn't spoken to him yet but her mere presence in
the cell screamed at him to explain his actions. She was by his side,
supportive, silent and strong but it terrified him. How could he tell her the
terror he went through, the nightmares he had without giving her more pain?
He
sits in the chair prepared for a lecture. He knows he deserves it. The irony
isn't lost on him that he sat here less than a month ago and berated her for
not being honest with him, for making decisions without consulting him. Angry
at himself he finds it difficult to meet her eye. He looks up and sees her
looking at him expectantly but he immediately looks away. After the morning
he's had he isn't ready for this now. He needs some time to compose himself, he
chuckles to himself thinking that what he really needs is time to compose a
defense.
"Why
didn't you tell me?" Jessica asks.
Nick
hears the sorrow in her tone. He hears the hurt and knows he's the cause. He's
not ready for tears, he's had enough of being treated like he's a
disappointment for one day and hears himself mumble "Please don't
start" before he has time to think of what he's saying. He regrets it
instantly. Adds it to the long list of sins he's committed of late.
Jessica
looks surprised, hurt by his tone. Nick's guilt only accentuates as she leans
forward and says "I'm not trying to start Nick but ... you bring this Neal
guy in, you tell him to scare Hinks, Hinks ends up dead and you say nothing to
me! .. It had to have been eating you?"
She
waits for him to speak but he can't bring himself to. Everything she says is
true, he should have told her, but he knew it would only upset her more. She
wouldn't have approved, it would have distressed her and that's the last thing
he wanted to do. Again he's failed because the way she's looking at him now is
pained, betrayed, disappointed. He hates the look he sees in her eyes. The
censure he knows he deserves.
Drew
enters the room and asks for some time with Nick. Jessica shoots him one more
pained look and her words cut straight to his heart "Sure, why should I
know what the hell's going on, I'm only married to him."
He winces knowing every second he's only causing her more pain
but right now he's too lost to help her. He's angry with himself for what he's
done to her, angry that he's got himself into this situation and determined
that when this debacle is over he'll take a step back and make it up to her
Drew starts speaking but Nick's not ready to hear it. First he needs to get the
office organized, hand over the reigns until he's again able to take control.
Then he needs to find a way to repair his personal life. A way to make it up to
Jessica. He knows he'll have to start with honesty and can only hope that will
be enough.
End of 20.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jessica
stands in front of the mirror. Her eyes drawn to the expanse of her waist.
Their child, created in an act of love, is a testament to their bond. Lately
she's started silently talking with him at night. Standing there looking at the
changes he's made to her body, feeling him under her hand and inside her. She
promises him things, ensures him of her eternal love and imagines him in her
arms. She remembers the joy of discovering his existence and now ... with so
much going on ... he's all she feels she has left to hold onto.
Nick
is drawing away from her. Silent and sullen he no longer shares his hopes his
fears his joy and sorrow. She fears their bond is breaking, believes she'll
have to fight him to let her back in and hopes that she'll have the strength to
succeed. She hoped they would have spoken by now but he's avoided her all
afternoon. Having fled from his office, Lea followed her, held her and reminded
her Nick needs time. He needs to know himself before he can tell her how he
feels. Jessica accepts this but what she cannot understand is that he can
forget he is her husband. He's forgotten the vows they made. Forgotten they
promised in good times and in bad to turn to each other. It's not enough they
share this child when they'd promised to share their lives.
Jessica
recalls the pain she felt emanating off him as they sat around the conference
table devising their team plan. He was quite, reserved and she watched him
retreat further into himself as he witnessed Drew fill the position that had
always been his. So much of who Nick feels he is can be ascribed to the office
and the role he played there. It hurt Jessica to see him so lost. Pulling away
from her, separating himself from everything that had once defined who he was.
That
the office now needed Drew's leadership was not in doubt but what Jessica
feared was that Nick needed to be the one who filled that position more than he
even knew. She couldn't sit back and watch him hurting, floundering for his
place and purpose. She needed to do something to bring him back. Needed to find
him so he could then find her. The moment the meeting ended she rushed to
Cacee, made unreasonable demands of her, pleas from a desperate woman watching
her life crumble around her.
She
wants to run into Nick's arms, cry against his chest and beg him to love her
but she can't. This time she needs him to come to her. She needs to know they
are together because he too wants them to be. Her arms will be open to him but
he must journey to them.
Jessica's
alerted to Nick's arrival through his reflection in the mirror. She sees him
pause in the bathroom doorway to watch her actions. Normally she's finished her
ritual before he arrives but tonight she had a lot to think and say. Jessica
finds hope in the openness of Nick's stance. His shoulders no longer rigid
appear ready to release their load. She can't help a little smile at the fact
he too may want to make peace. He hasn't retreated completely away now she just
needs him to step forward. That he makes no further movement towards her
unnerves her though and she self consciously asks "What?"
"I'm
just looking" Nick says and Jessica hears the awe that used to surface
whenever they were together. Fear sent that away. His mission became to protect
her, comfort her, console her and in doing so she wonders if he forgot how to
love her.
With
one final promise to her son she sighs and turns to face his father. Whatever
will become of them she needs to know now. Her body betrays her and her hands
raise unconsciously to rub her aching back. Everything she wants is in this
room yet she feels lonely, isolated, afraid. Her eyes raise to meet his and
hope increases the beating of her heart when she witnesses the mix of pride and
fear in his eyes as he walks towards her.
"I'm
sorry ... He ... I got so afraid that he really might hurt you ... and the
reason I didn't tell you is because ... I knew this is not the kind of stress
you need right now."
"Nick
... I'm your wife!"
"I
know this" he vows and walks forward taking her in his arms.
She
delights in the feel of him, his warmth, his strength and knows she could
happily stay there all night if she didn't need so much for him to open up to
her. For too long now she's accepted his comfort without insisting on his
honesty. No more. Tonight he needs to talk to her. She needs to know where they
stand. She doesn't know what was organized in his meeting with Drew while she
made her desperate attempt to garner Cacee’s help. She'll ease him into a
conversation by starting with the facts and hope he'll then offer emotions.
Pulling out of his arms she asks "What happens tomorrow" as she moves
to sit on the bed. She watches him change roles from comforter to counselor.
"We
have a motion to dismiss the felony murder count."
"If
you lose?" The question hits him harder than she expected.
"Jessica
their whole case is the word of a career criminal. They can't satisfy their
burden with that. They just can't" he replies with increasing emotion and
doubt.
Jessica
isn't used to seeing him this way. Nick has always been the strong one, the one
to assuage her doubts. She only hopes she can do it half as well for him as
he's always done for her. "I've never seen you look so scared" she
hears herself say and the look he offers all but tells her he's never been so
scared. He looks broken and she doesn't like it. She needs him to know he isn't
alone. "We'll beat this Nick! We'll put the whole firm on it if we have
to."
He
sinks to the floor, crouching beside the foot of the bed. His face a mirror of
concern. He looks at her, ready to speak but the words won't come. There is too
much pain, too much regret. He looks at the bed cover, his fingers pick at it,
scratching away the stain in his heart.
She
doesn't like to see him this way, supplicating himself, pulling further away
from her with each guilt filled breath. "Nick please" she begs and
his eyes rise to her "Please don't shut me out. We need to do this
together" her hand reaches out as she says "I'm here Nick I'm right
here."
At
her behest he rises and sits beside her on the bed but his eyes cannot stay
with hers. They roam over her unclothed body, over their child, safe within her
womb. He knows why he did what he did, he couldn't lose them. What terrifies
him is, he still might. He'd do it again if he had to; his regret is that he
hurt her. Jessica's hand raises and her thumb caresses his lip. 'I love you' it
says and he drinks thirstily its words. He looks into eyes beseeching for love
and remembers what it is he's fighting for. Them, together, always.
Sinking
back onto the bed he draws her down beside him supporting her with a mound of
pillows. Their child is cushioned snugly between them, Nick's hands bracing
Jessica's back. With her breath warming his soul he finds the strength to say
the words "I never wanted to hurt you." He sees her denial spring
forth but steals the words with his mouth. He kisses them away. He has hurt
her, he knows it, and won't be told otherwise. When the need for air outweighs
his wish for silence he loosens his hold. His hands move to her face, thumbs
gently caressing cheeks now wet with tears.
"Baby"
her soft voice implores "I understand. You're forgetting I did the same
thing."
He's
confused by her statement and rises up so he's looking down at her. Her hand
plays over his arm as her own guilt is expressed
"I
turned to someone I thought could help, Cacee ... I sent her to intimidate him
but it just encouraged him. Nick if I hadn't done that well ... maybe then none
of this would have happened. All you did was what I did, you turned to someone
you thought could help."
"It's
not the same Jessica. Because of me a man is dead."
"Did
you send Alan Neal to kill Hinks?"
"No!"
His eyes implore her as his shoulders sink under the weight of the implication
"I didn't. I need you to believe that!"
"I
do. Do you?"
He
looks away but her hand draws his face back. Talk to me her eyes beg.
"I
didn't plan for it Jessica but I'm not sorry he's dead. You're safe now and
that's what's important" he says quietly then closes his eyes "I just
... I never expected this." His eyes open again, moist with sorrow
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
"Nick
I'm not angry" he looks at her in disbelief so she continues more
forcefully "I'm not! Maybe one day words will pour out in anger but it
will be fear talking not me." Her hand runs over her body "I don't
want to do this without you, I'm scared of what will happen but I'm not angry
at you for what you did. I understand ... I do! I love you and ... I'm grateful
Nick. I'm not sorry he's dead either ... I'm disappointed you never talked to
me but I'm not angry with you. I know you never planned for this to happen. I
know that. I just ... I wish you'd talked to me."
He
sees the truth in her words but all the response he can think to say is he's
sorry. Seeing tears in her eyes he wants to take them away. They are about to
have a child. This should be a time of joy not pain. His lips caress her
eyelids then move down to cover more of her face. His body hovers above her but
mindful of their child his lips and one hand is all he allows to touch. Fingers
linger where lips have blessed. Her mouth responds under his and he whispers
his love into it before moving down further. Her chin and neck are loved as his
thumb is suckled. He moves on back to her mouth his words coming stronger now
"Love you."
Her
hands frame his face, her eyes sink into his soul, he finds words pouring out
of him he didn't know were there. "I'm scared ... I'm so scared" his
hand glides down resting on her abdomen, "I don't want to miss any of
this, I don't want to lose you, my life is here, with you ... I'm so
scared" The words hurt as they issue forth, their implications too much to
bear, that soon he may be torn from her grasp, their child will grow up without
a father, his arms and life will be empty without her. No, this cannot be.
She's here beside him. She will always be beside him, for him to love as he's
doing now.
He
moves away from her face and those eyes that mirror his fear. Her face is too
expressive, his dreams shatter in those eyes. Her body knows no fear. It tastes
and feels and smells the same as she always has. It responds to him, she
responds to him, this is where he belongs. His mouth travels to her breast
barely contained by its black silk sheath. He kisses the skin revealed to him,
rubs his cheek there, her skin is softer, more luxurious than any silk. He
moves down to caress the home of his child. He slides off the bed, his hands
and mouth desperate to cover every inch of her stretched tight skin. The baby
moves inside and his eyes rise to meet hers. They smile at one another. There
is still joy to be found. Life goes on and so will their love.
His
hands continue their journey. As they again reach silk he motions for her to
rise. No barriers shall come between them. The weight of her hips against the
mattress is eased enough for him to slide the material down until only she is
there. From knees to thighs his hands gently run over and over her skin while
his cheek rests against their son. With eyes closed he can believe today is
just another day. Her sounds, her smells, her warmth, are his to be cherished.
And cherish them he does. His mouth travels over her body, his heart poured out
in the words his tongue leaves there, stroking her over and over again
"I'm sorry, I love you, I'm so, so sorry" he spells against her skin.
His entreaties bring her closer and closer to the brink with each swipe of his
tongue.
He
feels her body shatter around him and hears her cries. He loves her. He will
show her that nothing will ever tear him away. He rests his head against her
thigh. His breath fans her sensitized skin. Whatever she needs, he'll do,
because what he needs is her. This he knows. She is his world, his life, his
love.
Jessica's
eyes catch a flash of light. Moving slowly to see better she tries to find its
origin. As she scans the room she realizes what she saw was their mirror. Her
eyes widen in amazement as she sits up straighter and views her reflection. The
wanton expression on her face as her husband and lover rests his cheek on her
bare thigh. "Baby" she says in awe, barely audible, an exclamation of
wonder not a statement. He raises his face to see hers. Following the direction
of her gaze he smiles at the woman in the mirror. Rising he climbs on the bed
behind her. Brushing away from her ear the hair his delving fingers had earlier
torn from its tie, he whispers to her "This is me loving you."
She
watches his hands as they trail over her shoulders and down her arms. They
reappear again as they slide smoothly over her belly "This is us" he
whispers his hands ever active "I love you so much Jessica" they
disappear from view again and she feels him at the clasp of her bra. It opens
and she feels her breasts, heavy with impending motherhood, sink painfully from
loss of support. Her moan elicits a reassuring kiss to her neck. His hands rise
again to her shoulders sliding the straps down.
"Show
me how" Nick whispers as his hands rise to her breasts. Resting her hands
on his, Jessica guides his motions, showing him how to ease the strain without
causing pain. Her eyes never leave their reflection, enraptured by the vision
of them together like this. She's never seen that look on her face before and
it fascinates her. Who is this woman? Nick knows her thoughts.
"This
is what I see" he whispers "you are so beautiful."
Whimpering
Jessica turns her face to his. Her mouth telling him she likes what she sees,
what he can make her feel.
Nick
pulls away and moving back on the bed helps her cumbersome body slide across until
they are together. Jessica lays down in his arms, her back to his chest. His
body supporting her, his hands glorying her. The emotion, the sensation, it's
almost too much and yet it isn't enough. She slides her hand between their
bodies and pushing his pajamas down releases him. Her hand relishes the hot,
hard, silky skin that seeks her out but the action twists her back
uncomfortably. The waves of pain washing over her cause her to gasp, alerting
him to it. In horror he pulls away from her.
"Don't"
he implores. He won't be a source of her pain. Removing the tangled pajama
pants from around his knees he soothes away her apology and moves forward
again. His body again cradles hers. His hands return to their task. "Let
me love you" he whispers "just let me love you."
Jessica
wants to ask the same of him but knows he needs to do this and acquiesces. His
needs tonight are as much about fear as love. His misguided sense of guilt
won't allow him to take pleasure, only to give it. She'll bide her time, she'll
take what he needs to give and when he's ready she'll show him what's in her
heart. She'll show him love doesn't judge or condemn. Love is a celebration she
wants to share with him.
As
Nick's hands find their rhythm again, he unwittingly finds a haven between her
thighs. Feeling him Jessica makes a small adjustment, then closing her thighs
traps him there. His eyes close at the sensation and his ensuing gasp sounds in
her ear. She presses even tighter concentrating on giving him maximum friction.
It isn't enough, it isn't where he so wants to be but by God it feels good.
Instinctively he rocks against her, testing the sensation. His skin feels as if
on fire from its contact with her. It's so long since they've been as close as
this. His thrusts begin hitting her in just the right spot and he has to grip
her hips tight when they begin undulating in reaction. He can't allow her to
move; he can't risk a change of angle that may result in penetration.
She
hasn't yet been given the go ahead by her doctor. Until then, intercourse is
still out of the question. Nothing is worth risking their baby for. This isn't
perfect but it is more than he expected. It feels so good he can almost
convince himself it's more than what it really is. He takes it back, it is perfect.
Her body washes over him. Her heat bathing him. Her cheers mingle with his
tears as he vows he'll never lose her. He'll never let her go. He needs her. He
loves her. They'll never be apart.
She
grips him tighter, spurring him on and on. Finally they are doing this
together. Her body trembles as sensation begins to override intent. She wants
to stay with him, here in this moment, but feels the steady thrum of nerves
unleashed begin to take control. She can't stay, the most she can hope for is
that she can take him with her. With one last intense clench before her body
explodes she calls his name praying he'll follow.
He
hears her cry out and feels her body shuddering against him. It's enough to
cause his to spring forth with its futile offering. He clings to her, riding
out his frenzied thrusts. The white noise echoing in his head soon settles into
her whispered assurances "We'll win. Nick, we'll win! We will. We
will!" He holds her tight, hiding the onset of despair in the curve of her
neck. She feels him slip away from her. She feels his body tense, his breath
hitch and knows his heart is breaking. She grasps desperately for his hand and
clasps it against her heart, trapped under the weight of her breast. She calls
his name urging him to come back to her.
His
lips press against her shoulder, asking for a minute. She raises his hand to
her lips promising him a lifetime. He finds comfort in the slick warmth of her
back, the tight clasp of her hand, and the tender kisses she bestows on his
palm. Knowing words can only offer empty promises she doesn't give them but her
body hums to him. Soft sighs and murmurs as she plays with the hand he allows
her to keep and she feels his reverent kisses.
With
a final soft kiss to her ear he pulls away from her and rising off the bed
walks into the bathroom. His departure surprises her until he returns with a
dampened towel. She accepts it gratefully and reaches up until he lowers his
face for a kiss. No pressure just an affirmation of love. Nick stands again and
unbuttons his shirt smiling at Jessica's eyes as they watch his deft fingers in
action. He hands it to her and with a self deprecating grin says "It's
probably a little more sweaty now than you'd expected."
Shaking
her head Jessica smiles and slides her arms into the sleeves. "It's
perfect" she vows as she buttons it snugly over her protruding waistline.
She holds the collar to her face and takes in a deep breath. With eyes closed
her other hand smoothes over the pre-warmed fabric. She looks up at him with a
look of pure delight "Perfect" she declares again. Throwing the towel
to the ground she lays back and opens her arms to him. He slides back into his
pajama pants and again joins her on the bed. Two parts to a whole, complete
only when they are together. He helps her settle comfortably, pillows and
cushions supporting her where most needed, then spooning up behind her he pulls
on the blankets until they cover their sweaty bodies. Their hands seek one
another, finding their way home, soothing, lulling, until sleep spirits them
away.
End of part 21.
Day
235
"Nick
are you awake?"
After
the fourth none too subtle shove the answer becomes a mumbled "yes."
"Nick
I need your help."
With
eyes still closed he reaches out, strokes her arm and sleepily asks "You
ok?"
"No
I'm not ok!" she answers harshly and he immediately sits up concerned.
"I need French fries" she pouts.
Laying
back down he groans "Jessssiiiie it's late."
"Please!"
she begs.
"Just
try and sleep Jessica."
"Try
and sleep! I've been lying here for hours trying to sleep. It's not going to
happen. I need French fries!"
Through
experience Nick knows that neither will be getting sleep until she has what she
wants. So with a minimum of protest, he's also learnt to conserve the energy
because no notice is ever taken of it when he argues, he climbs out of bed. For
a second he's grateful he wore sweats to bed as it saves him changing then
wonders if that gave her the idea he'd be receptive to a late night shopping run.
He's slipping his feet into sneakers when he hears "And not Mc Donalds
either I need Wendy's"
"Jessica
that's another five blocks away" he whines.
"But
you're already out so it's not really a big deal is it?" she so logically
replies.
He
trudges off thinking "Obviously not to some."
He
can't wait for what he calls the terrible twos stage of pregnancy to be over.
When everything is I need, I need and tantrums are thrown when these needs
aren't speedily met. The most frustrating thing is, he's unable to say no to
her. When she looks at him with those big mournful eyes and her hand softly
caressing her precious but cumbersome cargo he's reminded of the daily
sacrifices she's making in order to nurture this life inside her. How can he
say no to anything she asks? Cravings are natural, infuriating but natural.
Besides this is a partnership and they each have their roles. She's the carrier
he's the fetcher.
So
he drags himself out at 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. or whenever she wants, to buy her
whatever her heart (stomach) desires. On the plus side he knows she'll look at
him when he arrives home with such open adoration, at least he hopes that look
is directed at him and not the bag in his hand. He doubts it but a guy can
dream can't he? Then he'll get to watch her eat them with ravenous delight. He
likes the look of pleasure on her face. Like all that is right with the world
is captured in a soggy cold slice of deep fried potato. It amazes him every day
the changes this pregnancy has caused in both of them.
They
find themselves doing all sorts of things now that they'd never dreamed they'd
do purely because it brings pleasure to the other. She even sat through a
Bearcats game with him last week and remembered to cheer for the right team.
All except for once but he suspects that was merely to gage his reaction. His
'I'll deal with you later' look certainly made her smile. Of course good too
was the fact they were watching at home on the couch and later ended up being
seven minutes later when half time came around. So really he should say she sat
through half a Bearcats game with him last week. Nick suspects he makes quite a
spectacle driving down practically deserted streets at 2 on a Monday morning
with an enormous smile on his face. He doesn't care he'll take moments of
happiness wherever he finds them these days and it's thinking over them that
keeps him awake on these late night drives.
They've
been living some kind of perverse form of normal lately. Taking time for little
moments, doing all they can to please each other. Finding comfort and joy in
sharing mind and soul. Whether it be reminiscing about who they were and where
they've been or admissions of who they want to be and what they hope to still
achieve. He wonders if it's the turmoil their live is in now making them open
up or if it's a natural progression on their journey of love. Neither seems to
admit it but he feels they are cramming as much as possible in now in case they
soon run out of time. Lately they've admitted things to one another that have
been clouded in secrecy for too long.
Day
243
Pleased
to be home and out of the rain Nick opens the door to the apartment. His
immediate impression is they've been burgled and the apartment ransacked. Then
he notes that the chaos is bizarrely orderly. What on first glimpse looked to
be a scattered mess is actually structured piles. He's known some pretty crazy
criminals in his time but none warped enough to do this. No this looks more
like the workings of his wife. The same person who was feeling tired and needed
to rest so begged off accompanying him to visit his father. The person who had
crawled into bed so he could give her a sleep well kiss before he left. He'd
been worried about leaving her but she assured him all she needed was rest. He
left her to give her some peace and quiet and now he arrives home to this.
A
loud crash and an angry "dammit" startles him out of his musings and
alerts him to the fact Jessica is in the kitchen. He finds her with every
cupboard open and empty and intent on cleaning them inside and out.
"What
the hell are you doing?" he asks astonished.
"This
place is a mess Nicholas" she replies barely glancing his way.
'Yeah
now' he thinks 'but it was neat when I left this morning'
"It's
filthy, it's disorganized, it's cramped and it's no place for a baby" she
says punctuating each word with a furious swipe of a soapy cloth.
"I
thought you were tired."
"I
am tired. I'm tired of this mess so if you don't mind I don't have time for
this chit chat"
Nick
stares at her wondering who this weird woman is. He shakes his head and leaves
to go to the bedroom and change out of his rain soaked clothes.
Opening
the bureau drawer his hand balks when it comes in contact with underwear and
not his either. He shuts the drawer and stares at the bureau in confusion. He
counts the drawers verifying it was his he'd opened. Shaking his head he steps
forward and opens it again finding the same contents. Where the hell are his
T-shirts?
Changing
takes an additional ten minutes as he has to search for each article of
clothing. Arriving back in the kitchen he says "You changed all the
drawers."
"It's
more practical this way."
"I
hadn't noticed it was impractical before."
"You
wouldn't."
He's
about to hit back with a response when the phone rings.
"Get
that would you" she says
He
walks to and sits at his desk, gratified to note she hasn't touched that and
answers the phone.
"Jessica
Cacee's on the phone." He says walking back into the kitchen.
"Tell
her I'll call tomorrow I'm too busy to talk now."
"Baby?"
"What?"
"What
should I tell her you're doing?"
Jessica
looks up at him as if he's insane and says "Gee I don't know Nick maybe
that I'm painting my toenails."
He
groans and walks back to the phone "Cacee she's on some bizarre cleaning
kick and won't come to the phone. She says she'll call you tomorrow."
"Ah
nesting instinct" Cacee says.
Nick
replies with a confused "What?" as he wonders if it's something in
the water making all women act strange.
"Nesting
instinct Nick. She's preparing the nest for the new arrival it talks about this
in chapter..."
"This
is a pregnancy thing?" he says surprised.
Cacee
laughs "I really should have bought you a book too so you'd have a clue
what's going on. It's hormones Nick, perfectly normal.”
Nick's
mind starts to wander over the myriad effects hormones have had on Jessica over
the months, foremost in his mind the second trimester ones, "Nick are you
ok?"
"Uh
yeah sorry ... so um what does the book say to do about Jessica?"
"You
do know there isn't a chapter about her in it don't you?" Cacee teases.
"Funny"
he replies.
"Have
you considered helping her?" Cacee asks and is met with silence.
"Obviously not .. bye Nick" she laughs.
"Bye"
He hangs up and walks into the kitchen "Can I uh ... help?"
Five
hours later he crawls into bed. His ears still ringing from the barrage of
instructions and his muscles screaming from overuse but it was worth it. It may
take him six months to remember where everything is now kept because everything
HAD to be changed but Jessica is happy. Happier than he's seen her in a long
time and she's sleeping beside him now with a look of sweet contentment on her
face.
End
of part 22.
Day
251
Lea
sits at her desk picking at a carton of Chinese takeout long since gone cold.
There really isn't much point in her still being in the office at this time of
night but she needs to feel she's doing something productive, needs to feel
part of the team. So she stays every night, ordering meals, providing drinks
and at their beck and call should they call. They don't very often but she's
there nonetheless. Tonight all but Nick and Jessica are there. Involved in the
case or not no one felt it right to walk away. After all Nick has done for them
over the years; his door always open, his shoulder strong enough to help carry
any burden. How could they not try to give their support back in return?
Nick,
having taken Jessica home an hour ago, is no longer there to see the flurry of
activity and concern meted out on his behalf. Tomorrow would be a long day for
Jessica, for all of them and they insisted tonight she rest. Reduce stress the
doctor has continued to warn her and although the reality is that is impossible
right now, they've done everything possible to shield and protect her as much
as she'll allow. In other words they've fought a losing battle of wills with
her. A strategic word in Jessica's ear by Drew convinced her it would be best
if Nick went home early tonight and only concern for his welfare enabled them
to have her gone at a reasonable hour.
The
phone rings and Lea immediately picks up. Rising to walk to the conference room
she says worriedly "Drew it's Jessica." He looks up then rises.
'She's crying' Lea mouths and he decides to take the call in his office. He
listens to her, assures her there is no need for concern and then grabbing his
jacket leaves the office ignoring the curious looks of the others. Jessica's
frantic words still ringing in his ears.
"Nick's
gone and I don't know where ... He hates this Drew he hates feeling so useless
while everyone's working so hard for him ... he hates the loss of control ...
He needs to talk about it but he won't talk to me ... He's broken inside and
I'm scared ... Drew please find him ... please bring him home."
Drew
knows how desperate Jessica must have felt to have turned to someone for help.
Neither Nick nor Jessica are known for opening up when the pain is deep. He
knows what this reticence can do to a relationship and hopes they'll have the
strength to succeed where he failed. For now there is not much he can do to
help them with that but he can and will bring Nick home to her. He's positive
he knows just where to find him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nick
stands staring out at the darkened courtroom. It had been a comfort to him in
the past. A place where he felt in command, respected, important, part of a
noble system. He remembered the wide eyed youth, who bumbled through his first
cases, a little overawed to find himself in the place he'd dreamed of for so
long. So many years later and the image is tarnished, not only is it not a
perfect system but he's a far from perfect advocate.
He
used to come here at night to regroup. To remind himself what he was fighting
for, the greater good. Phrases like 'Liberty and justice for all', 'defend the
guilty to protect the innocent', 'the system fails unless defense lawyers do
their job' would comfort him, boost his spirit and pride. He hoped to get that
comfort again today but instead he feels empty.
Many
of the promises this room made him in youth he's since received. That's little
comfort to him now. He'd thought, in the long run, his achievements would mean
more. Right now they amount to nothing. The law has failed him. The system he's
so ardently defended wasn't there to protect his wife, wasn't there when he
needed it and is now perversely turned on him to punish him further. What
happened to that noble cause he once fought for? He closes his eyes and again
relives the events of the day. Sitting at the defense table as the jury was
whittled down to the final twelve.
Twelve
strangers, six men and six women, morals and beliefs unknown, who have the
power to destroy his life. One word from them and he'll lose the right to hold
Jessica in his arms, their child will grow up without him, his freedom lost due
to an act of desperation. An act inspired by love and fear. Twelve people who
tonight are going on with their lives while his is slipping away.
They'd
opted for an immediate trial but now he rues that decision. Delay delay delay
he feels himself wish. He's stood strong in his belief he'd take this to trial
and win but now as the day draws nigh he has doubts. Is it arrogance that makes
him see it as all so simple? Is he missing something here through blind refusal
to accept the facts? Is he about to make the worst mistake of his life?
Normally he'd turn to Jessica to answer these questions for him but he can't do
that now. She needs him to be strong. He's been certain all along but it's hard
to stay that way now.
It's
too soon, he's not ready for trial. Surely they could tie this up indefinitely
buying him more time with her. He needs to be with her. He wants to see his son
born. He wants to hold them both in his arms and delight in their child's every
achievement with her. Parenthood, he's dreamed of that for so long. Sitting in
a jail cell getting intermittent reports of a child who is a virtual stranger
to him, that isn't his dream, that isn't parenthood.
He
isn't surprised to see Drew walk into the room. They've stood here shoulder to
shoulder often enough yet he hears himself ask "How did you know I was
here?"
"You
always used to come here. Me too for that matter." Drew listens as Nick
talks of long ago and the dreams of their idealistic youth. He sees what
Jessica warned him of, a man broken, searching for purpose. He decides to talk
strategy about the case to remind Nick he's part of the team. Nick appears to
be listening but when he responds its obvious it was his own thoughts that were
occupying his mind.
"I'm
not missing anything am I? It's my word against Neal's. He's a felon, what's
his word? We've got to be able to make reasonable doubt all they have is a
convicted felon with a huge incentive to lie!"
He
reminds Nick of the tape. Nick's focus has always been on the incredulity of
Neal, Drew is more afraid of the tape.
"Can
we win Drew?" Nick asks and Drew sees the first hint of doubt.
Drew
wants to say 'Of course Nick, we'll win Nick, there's nothing to worry about
Nick' but he can't lie. Nick isn't asking him for empty platitudes. He's asking
for the truth and the truth is that Drew is scared.
"An
outright acquittal? I don't know ... felony murder count all they have to prove
is that you sent him there to break in Nick. That's what scares me ... their
offer is still on the table."
"No!"
Nick's certainty returns with that word. He'd need a lot more than doubt to
make a deal.
Drew
fears this decision is made through obstinacy and not foresight. He tries a
different tactic "Have you spoken to Jessica about this?"
"She
knows my decision and she agrees."
"Are
you sure?" Nick doesn't answer but Drew sees a flash of anger cross his
face he knows his question has hit its mark. "Jessica just called
me."
"Why?
Is she ok? Did something happened?" Nick is looking around for his jacket
ready to rush out of the room. "Calm down, she's fine. She was pretty
upset though. She's scared, she's worried about you and asked me to find you
and bring you home."
"I
just needed some time to think."
"Did
you tell her that before you walked out?"
Nick
answers with silence.
"From
one who knows, if you start shutting her out sooner or later she'll stop trying
to get back in."
Nick
nods "I know."
"Do
you need a ride?"
"No"
he starts to walk away then turns back "Thanks."
Drew
nods hoping Nick really did hear him. Hoping come tomorrow he won't fail his
best friend.
Nick
arrives home and finds Jessica waiting on the couch. She looks up when he
enters and he thinks he sees her mouth 'thank God.' He wonders what it was she
was thinking. What was she afraid he'd do? He sits beside her and softly
brushes her cheek "I just needed to think" he begins but her arms are
around him before another word is said. The strength of her emotion has
overwhelmed him. "I was just at the courthouse" he hears himself say
apologetically. He doesn't really know what to say.
Her
head is buried in his chest but he hears her tearfully say "You're here
now."
He nods but realizing she can't see this rests his chin against
her head drawing her closer. "I'm here now" he whispers quietly,
wishing he could promise to always be here.
End of part 23.
Day
253
Jessica
feels the anger taking over her completely. She knows it is misplaced. She
knows it's really fear making her lash out at their friends and stops herself.
Taking a second to regain control she shoots them one last disdainful look then
walks to Nick's office. He's on the couch with his head in his hands when she
walks in. He straightens when she sits down and although she knows it's the
last thing he needs to hear she finds herself saying "I thought they were
terrible." Her hand caresses him, trying to offer comfort, while her words
wound.
Nick's
voice when he replies is calm, controlled and frighteningly devoid of hope.
"There was nothing they could do Jessica. Twomey had an easy cross because
he had the facts. The truth hurts me ... lets face it the line between my
innocence and guilt here is a thin one and I probably crossed it."
Jessica
over the years has helped counsel many a client to stand strong and not allow their
spirit to be broken on the witness stand but it's far harder to heed this when
it's someone you love's life on the line. She hates that she sees her own fear
in Nick's eyes. Hates that she may never get to sit with him like this again.
Tomorrow they'll get up, just like every other day. They'll dress and go to the
office, just like every other day. From there they'll travel to the courthouse,
a perfectly normal occurrence, listen to closing arguments then sit and wait
for a verdict, all so normal. They could be the details of almost a quarter of
the day's in her working life. Only this time the verdict could mean she leaves
the courthouse alone, she travels home alone to live the greater part of the
rest of her life without him. That is not normal.
She
wants normal.
"Nick
take me home please?" Jessica asks and he immediately rises.
Together
they walk out. The others merely watch them go. It was silent in the office as
they entered, all eyes were glued to them but no one knew what to say. The fact
this could be Nick's last night of freedom was not lost on any of them. The
mood left behind was subdued and slightly defeated.
"It's
not over yet!" Lea says firmly and they nod, going their separate ways,
determined to make a difference.
After
arriving home Nick and Jessica sat down to eat a meal. Another vain attempt at
normality. The food was merely pushed around their plates as they sat their
silent and withdrawn. So much to say, so little time to say it and too much
fear to try.
The
phone rings, as it has been doing all night and Nick reluctantly rises to
answer it. Seeing the futility of sitting to a meal neither are going to eat
Jessica tidies it all away and walks to the lounge and Nick. She cannot bear to
have him out of her sight. She sees him hang up the phone then drop his head
into his hands. The only word that could adequately describe him now is
despair. She knows people mean well and only wish to show their support but the
constant reminder this could be his last night of freedom is too much. She's
seen his composure crumble with each well meaning call. She walks to him and
runs her fingers through his hair.
"You
ok?"
His
arms immediately rise and pull her near. His face buried against her. "I
can't do this anymore Jessica ... it's too much ... I just can't do this
anymore."
"I
know I know" she says leaning down to kiss his head.
She
pulls away and turns on the answering machine, she turns the volume down so
they won’t hear the phone ring and taking his hand leads him to the
bedroom.
He
helps her get settled in her fortress of pillows and wonders how she'll do this
alone tomorrow. She hears the thought just as clearly as if he'd voiced it. She
watches his last ounce of strength crumble and draws him to her.
"I
need you to promise me something baby" he says as his hands brush through
her hair.
"Anything."
He
pulls away to look at her "If it happens..." her head shakes not
wanting to hear more but his eyes plead with her to listen. "I need you to
tell my father and mother Jessica. I need you to promise you'll be the one to
tell them don't let them hear it from a stranger. I need you to call them right
away."
She
nods not willing to voice the words, not willing to accept the possibility but
promising him she will..
"I'll
need you to look after my mom Jess ... Drew, Issac and I we’re really all
she’s got and with me gone..."
"Nicholas
no! Please don't! Don't give up yet. Anything could happen. Drew closes well,
Neal wasn't that convincing and ..."
"Baby?"
She
stops and looks at him. "If they offer a deal..." she looks away and
he draws her face back "I won't take it" he says steadfastly.
"Baby?"
"No
I can't Jessica I just can't. There is no way I'll choose to be apart from you.
No way. If it involves time served ... no I won't ... I can't."
She
draws him down and holds him close. His next words are spoken to her heart.
"They'll have to drag me away Jessica. I won't ever agree to time away
from you. I just can't"
"Ok"
she says over and over as her fingers soothe him "Ok"
In
truth she's torn by the decision. Part of her wants to tell him to take the
chance, to be strong and believe they'll win, but then she thinks of the
consequence if they lose. One year or worse case two compared to life, the risk
is too great. As strange as it seems in the circumstances she thinks Nick's is
still the cooler head. She'll live with his decision. His face rises to hers
and she kisses him. Tenderly, reassuringly, they savor each other, reinforcing
their newfound resolve.
"I
want to see you" he says and his fingers reach for the buttons on her
clothes "I need to see you."
No
words need to be spoken as he begins to undress her. His fingers are gentle as
they move from button to button. His eyes riveted to their motion. She watches
him, takes in his every action. He may have been the one to put voice to his
need but hers is just as strong. She wants to see him, all of him, if this is
to be her last chance she wants it all now. His face is open to her tonight.
Words are too painful, they hold such weight, such conviction, it's so much
easier to believe something isn't so if you never put voice to it. So instead
of empty platitudes and promises they give themselves.
See
me and know how I feel. See how much I love you, eyes declare. Believe in me
when I say forever. Know this is where I'll always belong.
Jessica
rises so Nick can slide her shirt off her shoulders. She'd changed into comfort
clothes the moment she arrived home but is just as happy now to have them
removed. Before he can go any further though she reaches for his buttons. She
knows he's watching her as she watched him. She lets all her love, desire,
hunger and pain show. There will be no secrets tonight. No half truths. No
holding back. She slides the shirt off his shoulder, guides it down his arms
only to find it catch on his wrists. A sob leaves her and he gathers her to him
laying them back down. Their foreheads touch as they lay face to face. Her legs
tangle in his as much for balance as for her need to connect. His hands brush
the hair from her face and he kisses her tears away.
She
reaches up grasping each wrist and undoing its cuff in turn. His kisses
continue as he divests himself of the shirt. He throws it off the bed with
distaste. Easier to blame her tears on a piece of tailored cotton than a horror
he no longer wants to acknowledge. Her hands have glided up his chest and are
now hooked around his neck. Grasping, almost painfully, the hair that resides
there. He slides the strap of her bra off her shoulder then reaches behind to
undo it clasp. She shakes her head no and in different circumstances he would
have laughed at the Eskimo kisses she just gave him. Instead his hand just
moves forward and finds the clasp nestled between her breasts. A flick of his
fingers and it is released. As he slides the strap down her arm, drawing it
away from its perch on his neck, his chest briefly brushes her breasts.
A
thousand memories of the two of them skin to skin rush through his mind.
Her
body slithering up his as he lies under her. The tickle of her nipples as they
brush through his chest hair, the grin this act always brings to her face. Her
body crushed beneath his as frenzied kisses lead to them falling onto the
couch, the bed, the wall, the floor. Image after image. Dancing chest to chest,
her body so sensuous against his, sweat slicked in the bedroom, soapy in the
shower, semi clothed in the lounge. His hands resting on her hips as she sways
with him. Images he treasures. Memories that may now have to last him a
lifetime.
Nick's
brought back to the present by the feel of Jessica's fingers brushing against
his cheeks. He realizes she's wiping his tears away. The act only reinforces
how much he loves her. How much he wants to express this to her now. How much
he wants to feel her strength, her warmth, her touch.
He
wants to roll over and feel her body under him. To know she's safe and secure
in his embrace, her body open, inviting, guiding him home. He wants her above
him. Taking him with her, their hands clasped together, eyes locked tighter
than bodies. He'll follow wherever she leads. He wants to watch her body as it
begins to tremble, quivering limbs as emotion pools through her, ridding her of
strength and control. He wants to listen to her breaths, almost non existent,
as she succumbs then calls his name with such passion, fervency and love. He
wants all of this and none of it.
If
this is to be their last night he doesn't want to waste any of it lost in
oblivion.
Each
second is too precious. Every moment a joy to be cherished. His hand rests on
her hip. Finding a zipper there he draws it down. He watches the ever
increasing v of skin as the material separates. He moves out of her embrace so
he can remove the remainder of her clothing. Unable to let him go her hand
rests on his thigh as he kneels before her. She watches him. Feels his hand
stroking over her hip where she's cradled him so often. She holds precious so
many memories of him there.
His
head in her lap as he talks a mile an hour, enjoying making her laugh. Or him
opening her, eyes brimming with delight as she unfolds before him, kissing her
deeply, tasting her, his spice of life. Or while perched on a cold ledge, his
hips sliding against her thighs with each deep thrust while her legs cling to
him and fight to offer a counter resistance. Her hands gripping the hard
surface for leverage but wanting desperately to reach out and feel his pectoral
muscles rippling under her hand. Or hips softly rocking together as he holds
her tight. Long and slow and no place else to go. The joy held in the joining
not the flurry. Their hips, together, barely moving. Rolling and rubbing as
mouths make love.
Soon
she's unclothed and open before him. Her eyes ask him for the same. He moves up
the bed and helps her rise. She sinks on knees spread wide to accommodate her
girth and reaches for him. Her hands slide up his thighs rising to the button
on his waistband. Her hands shake as she tries to undo it. He cups her cheek
with his hand and leaning into it she looks up and into his eyes. She can be
strong when he looks at her like that. Moments of doubt become certainty under
the power of his gaze. She remembers what it felt like to pledge her life to
him as his eyes bored into her. As much as the vows were sacred it was the
spirit and promise in his eyes that spoke strongest to her of his undying love.
She tries to convey that to him now. To remind him she's his for life. No
matter what, she will be his, always.
Her
fingers strengthened by her resolve easily slip the button from its catch and
carefully slide the zipper down. Moving the material apart, she slides her
hands across his stomach and to his hips, then pushes his pants down. His
boxers are next to go and when both items are bunched at his knees Nick sits back
so she can remove them the rest of the way. Their eyes devour each other. From
the tips of his toes to the hair her fingers messed earlier he's exquisite.
Every inch precious to her. For him she is the embodiment of perfection.
Beauty, virtue, intelligence, love, warmth and joy, she gives these all to him.
Jessica
rises on her knees and shuffles forward towards him. Her movements far from
graceful but to Nick they are elegance personified. His arms reach out to her
and ease her down beside him. Once again they lay with foreheads touching.
Naked and raw their hands share stories. His fingers lightly brush over her
scars and his eyes tell her he's treasured every additional day they've been
blessed with. 'I would have died without you' she thinks she hears them say and
kisses him before he can put such a thought into words. She will not think of
loss tonight. Not with him here, so close, so alive, so beautiful.
His
hands make love to her. Traveling every valley and rise of her body. Hers hold
him, cherish him. 'Remember when' each touch says. As minds and bodies tire
kisses become essential. Though the room had been silent save for soft sighs
and beating hearts, kisses reawaken tongues. Lips separate and travel over
faces, necks, fingers, chests and shower them with soft words "I love
you" "I love you" "I love you"
Whispered
promises and devotions herald in the new day.
Nick
insists she sleep and for the sake of their child Jessica complies. She clasps
his hand tightly in hers unwilling to let him go. He watches over her,
unprepared to lose a moment, listens to her breathe and sigh. To never be able
to lie like this again is a nightmare he's afraid to never wake from. Jessica's
face is at peace even if her heart is not. Nick's fingers play through her hair
as it graces her pillow. So soft so silky. He counts the freckles that lightly
adorn her face and promises to kiss each one, one last time. Her mouth moves
and he suspects he heard his name. He's not sure whose dream is sweeter his or
hers.
He
plans to wake her at dawn and make love to her, gentle and slow. He won't let
her cry. They'll face the day, heads held high, a team with spirits unbroken.
End
of part 24.
Day
254
They
sit in silence, words being too trite for the situation. Too much emotion, too
much fear and no one's willing to contemplate what may be about to occur. A
knock on the door disturbs their musings and Twomey enters calling for Drew.
Drew begins to rise but Nick decides it's his life and he won't be treated like
he has no role to play here.
"No,
we're all lawyers here" Nick says rising and challenging Twomey to look
him in the eye as he continues this vendetta.
"The
offers on the table, aiding and abetting a felonious assault, two and a half
years."
"Give
us a second" Drew says wanting to step in before Nick makes a decision
through pride and not reason. He sees Jeff reach out to comfort Jessica as
Twomey leaves and knows she's going to need it after he has his say. As much as
he hates what he's about to say he has to say what he believes. Calmly, hoping
to dispel a storm, he quietly states "I think we should take it."
Jessica
looks at Drew not with the animosity he expected but with fear, believing in his
judgment and questioning if he's sure. The idea he believes they should take
the deal is obviously distressing to Jessica but he can see she doesn't resent
him for doing so. Her trust strengthens him and he turns to Nick and asks
"Can I go take it?" unable to hide the apologetic tone in his voice.
Drew feels he has let Nick down, after all Nick has done for him over the years
he hasn't been able to repay him now.
"No"
Nick says decisively then turns to Jessica. His voice softens and begs for
understanding "I just can't Jessica." Her eyes pierce into him and he
needs to look away. He can't watch as he hurts her this way. Maybe he is wrong
he thinks and decides it's time he listened to the opinions of those he trusts.
"Jeff?" he asks hoping he sees it as he does but deep down he fears
his response will be the same as Drew's. His consolation is that he too seems
undecided.
"I
don't know Nick" Jeff says, hating that he may be about to inflict even
more pain, "I feel good on murder one and conspiracy ... but on felony
murder I ... I just don't know."
Jessica's
eyes have watched Nick this whole time. He may not have been able to meet them
but he can feel them. He sees her wipe the tears he's placed there away and
takes a deep breath. It's not just about him anymore, it's her life too. He
wants to do the right thing by her but what is that? Twomey knocks and reenters
before Nick has come to a decision.
"Look
we, we need another minute" Drew says annoyed with the intrusion.
"Well
we haven't got it. The jury's back. They have a verdict so either you take the
deal now or we go in there."
Nick
quickly looks at Jessica and her eyes tell him 'I trust you, I'll support you,
do what you need to.' He looks away with his decision made. "We go in
there" Nick says strong and firm. He hears Jessica expel a long breath and
when he looks at her again she seems to have sunk in on herself. The strong
composure she's held so long diminishes as she looks despondently at him now.
Jessica
looks up at him, wanting to believe he knows he's right but the look he offers
her in return is apologetic. The decision having been made she sees doubt creep
in. When she most needs his strength he appears to be losing it. His words from
last night echo through her mind 'There is no way I'll choose to be apart from
you ... They'll have to drag me away ... I won't ever agree to time away from
you ... I just can't.'
The
sentiment she approves of but the reality tears her apart. Is he sacrificing
his future because of her? Can he really risk life imprisonment for the sake of
two and a half years? Doesn't he know she'll wait forever if needs be? Take the
deal she suddenly wants to scream but then considers him spending time
imprisoned and she cannot entertain the thought of agreeing to it. Prison would
destroy him. Nick already carries so much guilt; a lifetime of it. He needs to
be surrounded with love, showered with love not imprisoned.
This
past year he's doubted himself, he's struggled with his past, his insecurities
and regrets have weighed heavy on his mind. Prison would only give him a chance
to succumb to them. Choices he made as a struggling new lawyer and again as one
now disheartened by the system, deceptions and misdeeds have all recently come
to the fore leaving him reevaluating who he is. He won't find the man she knows
he can be confined to a jail cell. No she cannot let him take the deal, not
just for her but for him. He needs to be with her and their son.
Movement
surrounds her but she cannot will herself to join in. She doesn't want to leave
this room ... ever. She doesn't want to face this next terrifying step and the
chance they may be making the worst mistake of their lives. They can't expect
her to sit there and watch Nick's freedom be taken away. She can't be expected
to be strong now ... no ... she won't do it.
Jessica
hears Nick's voice, feels the weight of his hand on her shoulder, hears
footsteps and a door closing. His hand runs along her arm as he squats down
beside her chair. His knees crack and she turns to him and smiles. Ordinarily
she'd tease him about his impending age but now doesn't feel the right time for
it. She wants to be able to tease him. His eyes tell her he hears the joke all
the same but it is not the same. Jessica wants their old life back. Nick's face
becomes blurry as tears gather in her eyes. Furiously she swipes the tears away
and looking up sees they are alone in the room. She has to accept it, there is
no delaying it, it will happen whether she's ready or not.
Knowing
they can't stay here forever Jessica rises from the chair and helps Nick to his
feet. She stares at the chest now filling her eye line and of their own accord
her hands raise and straighten his tie, smooth his lapels, feel once more his
warmth, his strength, him.
Nick's
hands reach out and still Jessica's, raising them to his lips he says
"Baby if..."
Her
head slowly shakes from side to side before garnering speed as she moans
"No no no no no"
He
pulls her to him gathering her fears into himself. His hands rub over her back
and hers wrap around his neck, pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder.
Their bodies mold into one another. Emotions swirling then settling as strength
is regained.
A
knock is heard on the door but no one enters. The message, however, is loud and
clear. It's time to go. Nick raises his head from her shoulder and looks at
her.
Finding
strength and certainty from who knows where Jessica smiles assuredly at him
"This isn't goodbye" she says and watches a relief wash over him.
Taking
in a long breath Nick looks away and then back at her and asks "Are you
sure?"
"Baby
you've believed all along. If you're doubting now it's only fear talking."
"I'm
terrified" he confesses.
"I
am too" she whispers.
"But
we're doing this?" the plea 'please tell me it's right' is heard in his
voice.
Nodding,
Jessica's hands frame his face as she rises and softly brushes her lips against
his. The kiss holds no urgency but plenty of promise. Until later it says.
Jessica
gathers her bag and their coats and Nick guides her out of the room to the
relief of the anxiously waiting Jeff and Drew. En mass they walk into the
courtroom to hear the verdict. A confident composed facade belies the turmoil
swirling within.
Nick
holds Jessica's hand until the very last moment. He gives it one last squeeze
as she sits and then she's left to watch him walk away flanked by Drew and
Jeff.
'It
is not going to happen, it is not going to happen, it is NOT going to happen'
she chants over and over.
As
he reaches his chair Nick turns to look at her. She smiles at him knowing what
he's trying to say. She loves him too. Her chants have become such a part of
her that she's actually starting to believe it and her smile broadens. He looks
at her with such pride it's heartbreaking to her but she refuses to cry. 'I'll
save that for the celebration' she thinks.
The
clerk calls out "All rise" and Nick turns to face forwards. Jessica
pushes out of her chair, watches as Judge Knapp walks towards the bench and
takes his seat, sits as those around her sit and listens to him call for the
jury to be brought in. Today Jessica finds the once comforting formalities of
the courtroom perverse, designed merely to draw out their torment.
The
jury begins to file into the courtroom and Jessica's eyes scan them eagerly for
a sign they see Nick for the man he truly is. She finds herself taking heart in
the craziest of details. The older woman is wearing a scarf similar to the one
Jessica bought her mother in-law last Christmas, five of the jurors are in blue
and the foreman's shirt would suit Nick's Dad. These have to be omens it will
all be ok. If asked for a logical explanation she couldn't give it but she
needs to believe in it to stop her urge to stand up and cry out in Nick's
defense.
She
wanted so much to testify but Nick wouldn't hear of it saying he couldn't put
her through the stress. He reminded her that her testimony would only go to his
character and she has a rather obvious bias where that is concerned. She knows
he is right and she isn't needed to strengthen his case but to sit back and let
his future be decided without having the chance to make her plea is tortuous.
She wants a chance to tell them what a wonderful man he is, how much she needs
him, loves him, admires and adores him. Keeping silent is hard for Jessica. She
wants to fight for Nick too.
This
morning she woke secure in Nick's arms. He made love to her, slow and sweet and
as the pleasure coursed through her body she ran the gamut of emotions. The
strength she'd fought so long to maintain for his sake finally crumbled.
Clinging to him, fearing this moment could be their last, she cried as she
spoke of having failed him, of having been his downfall but without the
recourse to help him. She broke apart admitting she hated that their future
would be decided on by twelve people who have no idea how she feels. Nick
surprised her with his heartfelt words.
He
assured her that what kept him going through this ordeal was the love radiating
off her as she sat there day after day, the knowledge that from the very first
moment he knew she supported him and would be there for him totally and his
pride that no person in that courtroom could ever doubt the way she feels about
him. He held her as his words forged her resolve. Finally assured of her
importance to him she walked into court, by his side, proud and determined her
message would continue to be heard.
Jessica
can only hope he's right that the jury has received her silent message and that
they can see the truth despite Twomey's lies. That Nick could be perceived as a
murderer is abhorrent to her. They must be able to see the true essence of her
man.
"Mr
Lachey will you please rise" Judge Knapp says and Jessica takes in a deep
breath knowing the time has come, finally, yet too soon.
'Not
guilty not guilty not guilty' Jessica begins to chant as she watches the
foreman stand and prepare to read the verdict. Her heart increases in speed as
each "Not guilty" is spoken by him and when the final one is
announced a strange calmness passes over her. Her breath is expunged as she
thinks 'Thank God!" She expected she'd be exhilarated, she'd scream for
joy, jump up wanting to hug everyone through sheer excitement but all she wants
is to take Nick home.
Jessica
grabs their coats and walks towards him. Nick's arm reaches out for her and he
says "Get me out of here." She understands because she feels the
same. She needs the security of something intimate, a place that feels normal
and most of all him. The arms and voices reaching out to them are barely felt
as they hurry towards the elevator. As the doors close behind them her forehead
finds his chest. She feels numb, exhausted, delighted, but with a strange sense
of apprehension. She's afraid to celebrate, afraid it's a dream and the moment
she begins to believe in it she'll wake up.
It
can't truly be over can it? She's believed that before only to have things turn
from bad to worse. After hearing of Hinks' death she rejoiced. Hating herself
as she did so but unable to stop nonetheless. She was appalled that she could
offer prayers of thanks for the death of another person but at the same time
was unable to lament his death. The next day when Nick was arrested she felt
suitably punished for her lack of compassion. Right now she feels a sense of de
ja vu and wonders what catastrophe will occur if she allows joy to again creep
in.
"That
uh ... that went well" Jeff stammers stunned.
Jessica
doesn't have the strength or desire to respond. The silence that follows suggests
they are all in a state of introspection. The elevator doors open on the car
park level and they slowly walk towards Jeff's car. He asks if Nick wants to
pass on the news but he merely shakes his head and mumbles "you can."
Jeff
dials the office as they stand solemnly around the car. The excitement on the
other end is in stark contrast to the sober mood of those who most should be
celebrating. Jessica declines the offer of the front seat instead preferring to
squeeze in the back with Nick. She's not yet ready to lose contact with him.
The enormity of the situation seems to be slowly sinking in for all of them.
When Jessica is settled Nick reaches out, turns her face to his and smiles.
'Is
this really happening' his eyes seem to ask and her tears begin to fall as she
nods that it is. His hand slides over her shoulder and draws her to him.
"You
all set back there?" Jeff asks and Nick tells him they are right to go.
Jessica
notices none of their changing surroundings. She knows only that she is with
Nick, they are heading towards an undoubting future and she's never felt so
relieved in her life. When she gets him home, when the incredulity wears off
they will celebrate the return of their lives.
"What's
going on?" Jessica hears Jeff ask fearfully and she turns from Nick to
look out the window.
The
office building is surrounded by emergency vehicles, fire trucks, police cars
and paramedics all with lights flashing. The sidewalk is filled with people
watching on.
Unable
to drive closer Jeff stops allowing them to climb out while she finds somewhere
to park. Nick and Drew rush ahead but are stopped by one of the police officers
guarding the way. Jessica hears Nick argue animatedly and she calls to him as
she hurries forward. His horrified face scares her. When she's again by his
side he places his hands on her shoulders and somewhat shell shocked says
"There's been an explosion ... it's our office and there's casualties but
they don't know who or how bad ... they won't let us through."
Drew
is questioning the officers trying to get more precise details but is having no
luck. Nick again begins to argue to be let through and Jessica makes use of the
officers distraction slips past him. She hears his angry protest but ignores it
hurrying on her way. She hears Nick insist that's his wife and he won't be
stopped from going after her and the next thing she knows they are all in the
building. They're forced to take the stairs as the elevator is cordoned off for
emergency use only. Half a flight away Jessica tells Nick she's fine and gives
him permission to run on ahead. Nick and Drew rush past her and lack of breath
and stamina soon causes Jessica to lag behind.
She
arrives in the corridor in time to see a bloodied and battered Justin wheeled
out with Nick by his side. When Justin's followed by an unconscious and
obviously critical Lea the enormity of the situation hits. The stench of smoke
and the severity of Lea's injuries are enough to knock the last ounce of breath
out of Jessica's lungs. She watches as Nick and Drew leave with the paramedics
and after a quick look in at the destruction of the office she turns to again
tackle the stairs. She meets up with Jeff when she gets outside. Jeff's
expression shows he saw the dire consequences of the explosion.
"They're
headed to St Anne's let's go" Jeff says and they make their way back to
the car fearful of the news they'll hear when they get to the hospital.
They
arrive at the hospital to find a somewhat shell shocked Nick and Drew. Nick
looks up as they enter. He rises and walks towards them. Jessica is in his arms
immediately. His hold on her so tight she knows the news is bad.
"Tell
me?" she pleads and he raises his head from her shoulder.
"I
think Justin's ok ... he was talking on the way over but ..." his eyes
close not wanting to face the thought. Jessica leans forward laying her
forehead against his. Her hands rest in his hair, gently stroking, encouraging
him to talk. "Drew says Lea isn't, they won't tell us anything, we're just
waiting to hear."
Jessica
turns and looks at Drew who has obviously just given Jeff the same news if his
startled countenance is anything to go by.
"C'mon"
Jessica says and leads Nick by the hand over to where the others are standing.
Hugs
are exchanged all around as suddenly the need to acknowledge each other's
importance has arisen. Unable to face their fear they talk of Lea's strength
and courage, needing that glimmer of hope to hold onto.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not overly fond of hospitals and never one to sit and wait Nick was too
restless to stay long. Needing to act he left for the office where he could
oversee the cleanup and investigation as well as make a start on his motion to
override Elaine's refusal of consent. Cooper and Jeff took Justin home while
Cacee, wanting vengeance, went to harass Mike into chasing down everyone who
has any link to William Hinks. That left Drew, Elaine (Lea’s mom) and
Jessica to sit vigil awaiting news on Lea's condition. Jessica was left with strict
instructions to contact Nick the moment she heard anything.
Back
aching, head aching, heart aching Jessica waits and waits. Conversation is kept
to a minimum as each is focused on their own thoughts and prayers. As the hours
wear on with no news forthcoming apprehension sets in. Drew becomes restless
and leaves to collect refreshments. Jessica and Elaine take his offered drinks
gratefully. They sip at them but finding no comfort in the act put them aside.
Drew having walked off his unease slowly sits again.
Jessica
rises to call Nick. Although she doesn't have news she needs to hear his voice.
She hears his gratitude over the line and knows he's feeling just as lost in
the office without her as she is feeling there. She asks if he has told his
parents, she asks details about the state of the office, she asks about his
research on consent and when she's run out of things to ask she just listens to
him work because she can't ask of him what she most wants to. Come to me Nick,
hold me, help make this nightmare go away.
She
makes her way back to the chairs and clasps Elaine's hand as she sits. It's
hard sitting here with her knowing come morning they will be seeking a court
order to override her wishes…Lea needs the transplant why can’t her
own mother see that? In all the years Jessica and Nick knew Lea not once did
she discuss blood transfusions and transplants being against her
religion…then why was her mother coming to the hospital and telling the
doctor it was? Right now they are united in their desire for Lea to survive the
surgery. Nothing else matters compared to the fact Lea must live.
End of part 25
Day
255
Nick
had called and informed them Judge Fox wanted the motion presented in court, so
leaving Drew to wait with Lea, Jessica rushed to Nick's side. Although only
having a brief glance at the destruction the bomb caused yesterday she can see
the considerable effort that's gone into making the office functional again so
soon. She knows Nick is greatly responsible and walks into what's left of his
office to find him.
He
looks up when she enters and Jessica asks "Did you get any sleep at
all?"
"Maybe
... a couple of hours ... I don't know ... This is what I have so far can you
look over it for me?"
Jessica
takes the files he's compiled and sits on the couch. She looks up at Nick and
is surprised, considering the night he's been through, that he's able to make
yesterday's suit so presentable. She hopes she looks better than she feels.
Having read through his nights work she rises and begins to walk away.
"Is
it ok?" he asks concerned.
"I
just want to check on something."
As
she begins to walk out the door he asks "Did you sleep?"
"I'm
fine Nick" she says and rushes out before she has to admit hospital chairs
are not conducive to an eight months pregnant woman sleeping.
Drew
had tried to send her home, he'd even gone so far as offering to ride with her
in the cab, claiming he needed a break anyway. Jessica knew it was a lie and he
didn't want to leave. She refused his offer not only because of that but also
because she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to leave Lea, she wanted to
be there to hear whatever news there was immediately. As the one who had
introduced Hinks to the firm Jessica felt she owed it to Lea to stay and she'd
promised Nick she'd be here.
These
weren't the only reasons she said no though. If she was completely honest with
herself she'd admit she didn't want to go home alone. To walk into the house
without Nick was too close to what she'd feared would be happening that night.
It conjured up the nightmares she'd had of late of him being led away to spend
his life in prison. She didn't want to face an empty house. So she couldn't
leave the hospital and she wouldn't go home without Nick.
Jessica
walks from Nick's office towards the library to verify an aspect of his
research. Taking what she needs she settles herself in the conference room to
work without distraction. A short time later she hears Nick talking with Justin
in the library and rises to join them, telling him of her findings.
"There's only a presumption in favor of family members it's not codified
anywhere."
She
can see Nick's relief as she hands the case numbers to Justin to print out.
"The best cases are from New Jersey" she tells him moving to the
printer to collect the data. Her back spasms again as it has been doing since
about four o'clock that morning. She gives it a desperate rub willing the pain
to go away.
Nick
walks towards her and asks "Are you ok?"
Jessica
looks up at him and sees the concern on his face. "It's just my stupid
back" she tells him making light of it while mentally adding 'and head and
feet and ankles and whole damn body.'
Not
wanting to worry Nick, Jessica keeps the extent of her discomfort from him. She
blames it on a night spent in uncomfortable hospital chairs devoid of his magic
fingers working out the kinks and stresses of the day. What she wouldn't give
for a massage and a good nights sleep now. As well as not wanting to worry him
she keeps it to herself as she doesn't want Nick to have second thoughts about
allowing her to accompany him into court today. She's excited to be working
again, detests the circumstances but preparing to march into court by his side
she feels like herself for the first time in a long time. A fairly standard 3rd
trimester back ache is not going to stop her now.
"C'mon
Jessica we should go" Nick says and Jessica hurries off to get her coat
before he sees anything in her that gives him cause for concern.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I
believe with a short evidentiary hearing we could prove that she would want the
transfusion, yes!" Nick says hoping against hope he sounds convincing.
"Lets
go then." Judge Fox replies and Nick realizes he now has to back up his
claims with evidence he doesn't have.
"Well
we need an hour to..." Nick pauses thinking, I can't say make something
up, then adds quickly "get our witnesses."
"You
have an hour" Fox says and Nick's mind starts churning for ideas of what
to do.
Jessica
watches him throw everything into his briefcase and turn to walk out of the
court. The concerned, protective Nick of the past two months is gone. His mind
focused solely on saving Lea. Jessica doubts right now he even remembers she's
pregnant. He is certainly making no concession for her in his stride. She
hurries after him knowing she will not be able to keep up with this pace for
long.
As
they walk out the door she asks "What are you going to do?" Hoping
getting him to talk will make his pace a little closer to manageable for her.
"I'm
open to suggestions" he replies then abruptly stops and turns.
Jessica
tries to hide her breath of relief. Although her hands crave again rubbing her
aching back she won't while he's looking at her. She watches an idea arise on
Nick’s face.
"Actually
Lea told you once that she would want a transfusion right? ... No Fox would see
through that, I think she told Justin."
She
sees his desperation and has to stop him before he becomes too invested in the
plan "Nicholas!"
He
hears her censure in that one word and argues "I can't just let her
die!"
"You're
not going to suborn perjury" she insists.
"Everyone
can sue me after she wakes up." Nick couldn't care less about the
legalities at the moment. He's prepared to do whatever it takes and to hell
with the consequences.
"No
Nick!" Jessica knows he needs her now to be the one who thinks clearly, to
keep his emotion in check. "I won't let you."
"What
are we supposed to do Jessica? Sit back and..."
"You're
not going to lie to the court!" Her eyes tell him that she's serious and
will not be swayed. He knows she's right but he can't see any other way around
this and he won’t give up. Jessica keeps her eyes glued to his until he
sighs and she can see he's not going to press the issue anymore. "Think
about Lea and what she'd want." she tells him and he looks at her as if
she slapped him.
"Jessica
don't ask me to give up ..."
"I'm
not saying that Nick! I'm saying ... Do you know anyone who abhors dishonesty
more than Lea?"
Nick
shakes his head no. He knows Lea wouldn't approve of lying to the court but he
doesn't have any other ideas. "So what do you suggest we do?" he
asks.
"We
know Lea" Jessica says "We know her better than anyone, better than
Elaine I'm sure ... so we use that."
Nick
looks interested. "How?"
"Negate
the evidence. Fox wants proof Lea isn't Jehovah's Witness like Elaine is
insisting well we'll go point by point and show her how she isn't. We know her
Nick, we know her life, her beliefs and we'll show them that."
Jessica
watches as the reality of the situation kicks in, as Nick realizes he doesn't
have to lie because he already holds the truth. His eyes close as he takes a
calming breath. He nods then opens his eyes to look at her again. He smiles and
rests his arm across her shoulder "Let's go" he says and together
they walk away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End of part 26.
Jessica
doesn't have to hear Judge Fox's ruling to know which way it will go. She sees
the uncertainty in her eyes, can tell by her manner that she's unconvinced.
Nick’s earlier impassioned plea, his open and honest declaration of love
has been in vain. Jessica knows he won't be able to accept this ruling. It's
been difficult for her to keep him in check, to keep him from allowing emotion
to override reason, and she knows she won't be able to contain him now when the
ruling takes all his hope away.
She
can feel the tension rising off of him. She knows he still believes the judge
will see it his way. It's incomprehensible to Nick that someone could choose
not to do everything possible to save a life. Jessica loves this about him, his
compassion and ability to love so completely. He gives his heart so deeply,
opens himself to so much pain because the one thing Nick cannot accept in life
is loss. It crushes him. He likes his world as it is, filled with those he
holds dear and will fight tooth and nail to prevent any of them ever being
taken away. Life is too precious to surrender, loss too painful to bear.
Jessica's
body is thrumming with fear and despair. Nick's about to get hurt and she's
incapable of preventing it happening. She feels heartsick, she feels ...
strange. The ache in her back has increased in severity and right now she can
barely stand to keep still. What she really wants to do is curl up and sleep
for a week. Forget this nightmare they're in, forget the last two weeks and
most of all forget this increasing pain. She tries to push it out of her mind
and keep her concentration going long enough to hear the ruling but each second
makes it even more difficult to cope.
The
pain is distorting her perceptions. She feels strange, her body just doesn't
feel right, nervous exhaustion she decides and with her last ounce of strength
looks up as Judge Fox says "Petitioner's motion for a court order is
denied."
Jessica
feels Nick rise from his chair and hears him cry out desperately that Lea will
die but she can't stop him, can't calm him, can't help him because suddenly she
knows this back pain she's been fighting all day may not have been back pain
after all. Her hand clutches the table for support as a flash of pain so
intense buckles her. A thousand fears rush through her mind silencing Nick and
Judge Fox as they argue. As she tries to get comfortable, tries to ride out the
force of what she fears now is a contraction she tries to tell herself this
cannot possibly be happening. Her body tells her it is. Her water breaks and
immediately after she's hit with another spasm even more intense than the last.
No longer able to keep control she cries out as she drops to the floor. There
is no denying it now, her son is on his way and he isn't planning on waiting
for anyone.
Jessica's
cry cuts Nick off mid argument. He looks to her chair but she's gone. When he
hears her cry out again he sees she's on the floor doubled over in pain. 'Oh
God she's losing the baby' he immediately thinks. It's his worst nightmare all
over again. They were told she needed to rest yet he's dragged her through hell
these past weeks and now she's losing the baby.
His
mind flashes back to her deathly white face in that hospital room mere weeks
ago. He sees the doctors hovering, words he heard then but refused to allow to
permeate his mind suddenly return full force, hemorrhage, unviable, lungs underdeveloped,
severe complications, need more time. Where are those doctors now when he needs
them?
Nick
can't bear to see the fear on Jessica's face. To hear her cries and know there
is nothing he can do. He's never felt so useless in his life. He's failed her.
Failed his son before they even met. It's unforgivable. He finds himself
shutting down, time seems to slow and the room spins.
This
can't be happening. It's too soon!
He
cries out for the doctors, he begs her to hold on as he watches the flurry of
activity and just hopes they can help her until the paramedics arrive. He can't
help her. All he seems to ever do is hurt her.
She
should never have been in court today. They've been on an emotional roller
coaster for so long. They've been going non stop now for 48 hours and it was
crazy of him to let this happen. He should have sent her home to bed not let
her wait all night in hospital chairs. He should have insisted she rest today
not dragged her into court with him. He should have seen this coming he was
supposed to be her protector. What happened to his promise never to let anybody
hurt her again?
He
feels displaced as if the activity around him is happening somewhere else. Was
he more cognitive he'd recognize symptoms of shock but he doesn't and all he
can hear are Jessica's plaintive cries. He winces from the pervasive sound.
Prays for Jessica, prays for the baby, searches for hope in his breaking heart.
He finds himself drawing nearer with no recollection of moving. As if his body
knows even when his mind doesn't that he belongs by her side.
"I
see the head"
Elaine's
words sink in and it hits him that no matter how hard he prays this is going to
happen. They can't stop it this time. He finds himself drawn forward curiosity
beginning to override panic. The white noise rushing through his ears begins to
recede and voices become clearer. "Where?" he hears himself say as he
moves closer still. He looks at the faces of the three women and for the first
time sees life not fear. Resolve, purpose and urgency but no alarm.
Could
it be that the baby is ok? Can he really afford to believe it? Is this really
going to happen? Is everything really going to be ok?
He
wants so much to believe it could be true. He wishes he knew. Surely it's happening
too fast. Babies are supposed to take forever aren't they. Twenty one hours his
mother once said he took. He has no idea how much time has passed but surely it
hasn't even been twenty one minutes. If the paramedics still aren't here it
can't have been a long time. Could everything be ok happening this fast? Isn't
that a sign something must be wrong? Baby's are supposed to take forever aren't
they?
Again
he looks at the faces around him. Elaine's concentration shows no fear, even
Judge Fox shows only excitement but then it's not like either of them have
anything to loose. It's his life on the line, his world tearing apart here. He
looks at Jessica as another cry from her wrenches through him and it hits him,
her eyes, above the pain are hopeful, exhilarated, she hasn't given up. As
distressed and distracted as she appears there is also a serenity about her.
Maybe not in her words or her manner but he sees it there in her heart. This is
a beginning not an ending. Her whole demeanor purveys hope and joy.
If
she believes he can believe.
He
looks down at the miracle of his child entering the world. The head slowly
comes into view, the color strange, features obscured and Nick's mouth goes
dry. 'Please God let him be alive' he chants unable to tear his eyes away. It's
singularly the most amazing and terrifying vision he's ever seen. He sees their
child and searches for signs of life.
He
hears Elaine instructing Jessica to bear down and push and Jessica's ensuing
intense cry again tears at his heart. "Here he comes" he hears as the
shoulders emerge and the baby slides into Elaine's waiting arms. Her hands move
like lightening, his face is cleaned, his mouth moves as a cry is emitted. It's
the most glorious sound Nick's ever heard and it cures all his fear.
The
baby's alive! They have a son, he's perfect!
Nick
hears his name being called but can barely draw his eyes from the child. The
need to share becomes too strong and his eyes tear themselves away to meet
Jessica's. Her expression mirrors exactly what he feels if only he had the
words to describe it.
"We
have a son!" he hears himself say. He feels it course through his veins,
the joy and amazement so strong, so overpowering. He tries to tell her how
proud he is but when he opens his mouth "We have a son" is again all
that comes out. The look on her face tells him no other words are needed.
"Can
I see him please" Jessica longingly pleas and Nick snaps out of his
trance.
Nick
follows the baby as he is passed to Jessica and his arms surround them both. He
holds his family to him, no one else matters but these two people, his wife and
his son. Tears cannot be held in and he doesn't even try to. Jessica's hands
touch the child, her eyes, awed, meet his as she shows him each miraculous
feature. He's incapable of action all he can do is hold them, treasure them,
keep them near. He'd never felt such fear now he's never felt such joy.
He
doesn't know how long they hold each other for but he doesn't let go until he
feels hands clutching at his shoulders. Elaine's voice gently informs him
"The paramedics are here Nick, let them do their work."
Hands
reach out and take the baby from Jessica. Her eyes follow him covetously and
concerned. She looks desperately to Nick and he rises to accompany the baby. He
watches over him as he's checked then wrapped in a blanket. He returns to
Jessica's side and places the baby back in her arms. He kisses her cheek and to
the query in her expectant eyes he states "He's perfect!" Her hand
reaches for his as she's wheeled out of the courtroom. He holds on tight as he
walks proudly beside her. Her face again content with her child in her arms.
The
act of being paraded through the courthouse and loaded into the ambulance
breaks their trance like amazement. Suddenly they are again thrust into the
real world. The magical spell they found themselves in reverting back to a just
as delightful reality. He beams with pride at all the curious delighted faces
but only one tiny face is graced with the sweep of Jessica's eyes. As the
ambulance begins to move Nick takes hold of his son's hand and with delight in
his eyes says to her "We did it!"
Jessica
laughs at his use of 'we.' "Remind me again why I'd wanted you in the
room" she teases.
"I'm
sorry" he says, his face sinking in chagrin, "I was scared" he
whispers.
"You
think I wasn't?"
"I
thought..." He looks away not finishing his thought.
Jessica
reaches out and strokes Nick's cheek, bringing his attention back to her.
"What did you think?" she asks gently.
"I
thought you were losing him I thought it was like last time only this time I
wasn't going to get you to the hospital in time." He says it in one
breath, like he wants the thought out and gone before ever having to entertain
it again.
"Oh
baby, no." Jessica looks at the child in her arms "He is early Nick
but he's strong."
"He's
perfect" Nick says staring with wonder at the baby. "I panicked ... I
had no idea what to do and they seemed to know.... I just wanted what was best
for you..."
"Nicholas"
His
eyes leave their son and raise to her "Yeah?"
"You
are what's best for me."
"Still?"
"Always."
She
draws his face down and tenderly kisses him. Hoping the truth of her words are
evident in her actions. She's pleased to see the joy return to his face but
can't help having another jab at him. "You realize if you hadn't kept
putting off attending Lamaze class you may have had a clue." Her eyes show
there is no censure in her words. Fighting for Nick's acquittal had taken
precedence over Lamaze. Preparations for the baby were put on hold. She should
have known he'd have Nick's stubborn streak and make his appearance while they
were unprepared.
Nick
groans continuing the charade, enjoying the mischief in Jessica's eyes. He
knows her plan. This is a time of joy and she doesn't want him bogged down in
guilt. He plays along not wanting to give her concern. With his puppy dog face
he bows his head saying. "You're never going to forgive me for this are
you?"
She
grins "Oh you're forgiven Nicky but living it down is another story."
Her hand runs over the baby's head "The story of his birth is one he'll
get to hear and laugh over often."
Nick
chuckles resting his chin on her shoulder. He too has stories he plans to tell
his son. As if recognizing Nick's thought Jessica rolls her eyes and laughs.
They turn their attention back to their son's angelic face. Jessica runs her
finger over a nose she'd recognize anywhere and feels Nick smile.
"Poor
kid" he chuckles and she turns and kisses the adult version.
Pulling
away she says "I can't believe what I already feel for him Nicholas. I
thought I already loved him I thought I knew what to expect but holding him in
my arms..." her head shakes as the strength of her emotion makes words
impossible to come by. Nick doesn't need the words though the emotions are
buried just as deeply in his soul. "Nick we need to let it go now."
He
looks at her not understanding what she means so she explains. "I know you
don't want to give up the fight Nick but we need to." He looks away the
grimace telling her he doesn't want to hear this. "Elaine should be with
Lea now not in court fighting against us. Families should be together at times
like this. Lea needs her mother, Elaine needs to be with her daughter."
She looks at her own child and says "She's her mother Nick they should be
together. It was wrong of us to keep them apart."
His
hand plays with that of his son's and he knows, as a parent, by his child's
side is where he belongs "I know" he says quietly.
Jessica
hears the words but knows as much as Nick believes them he cannot let go. He
can't give up on the fight with Lea's life still at stake. His emotional plea
to the court aside Lea is more than just a person he loves. She's been an
integral part of his life for so long. Since kindergarten they've been together
now and their dedication and loyalty to each other is unparalleled. He relied
on her for his emotional, moral and even physical well being back when he had
no one else to turn to and she's never let him down.
What
they share is more than love. It's a mutual respect and devotion, a friendship
so deep it's imperative. Lea has always been able to get through to him when no
one else can. She's an anchor to him. His link to the idealistic youth he used
to be. She knows his history, his dreams and achievements. She's watched him
grow, she knows him inside out and back to front and still has never turned
away. In this time of upheaval he's needed her validation. He's needed to know
he hadn't become so lost that he'd become unrecognizable. Lea was there for him
now he needs to be there for her.
Jessica's
never been jealous of this relationship her husband has with another woman
because Lea fills a role in his life she never could and doesn't want to. Lea
would probably be horrified at its implication seeing as how there is little
difference in their ages but in many ways she has been a substitute mother for
Nick. Her commanding attitudes and gentle yet firm ways have steered his course
for years. She's never sugar coated her opinions and as such her approval needs
to be won and is treasured when received. He will take advice from her that he
won't listen to from anyone else. A relationship built over time, circumstance
and trust have given her that right.
Jessica
can see why he can never turn his back on her. She can see the fear in his eyes
and knows for his own peace of mind he needs to have done everything possible
to save her. As a mother she feels for Elaine, wants desperately to allow her
this time with her daughter but as a wife she'll do anything to spare her
husband pain. She cannot allow Nick to live with regret should the worst come
to the worst.
So
although Jessica believes what Nick is about to do is futile she will not hold
him back. The courts will not grant them consent no matter how hard he tries
but she knows he needs to try. She won't stop him, instead she'll pray for him
with all of her being and wait for him to return to her. Her hand strokes his
back as she offers him her continued support.
"Tell
Lea we love her and she needs to wake up so she can see our son. Tell her how
beautiful he is and tell her not to give up because we won't."
"I
will"
"Then
come back to us."
Nick
rests his head against hers and his hand grips her tighter. "I will"
She
knows he doesn't want to be apart from her, not now, not in these first
glorious moments of their child's life. But what he wants and what he needs to do
are two vastly different things. She runs her hand through his hair "Do
what you have to do Nick, we'll be waiting."
"I
... I do want to be with you" he tells her.
"I
know you do ... we'll be waiting"
"I
don't deserve you."
"That's
a shame because you're stuck with me now."
"I
want to appeal."
"That
you are stuck with me" she laughs
Smiling
he sits up "No the ruling"
She
nods and her attention is drawn again to their child. He takes her silence as
permission and moving away a little his cell phone is brought out and
immediately put into action.
As
the ambulance pulls up into the hospital he hangs up. "The appeal had been
lodged, they said they'd page me."
"Nick
you don't have to take this all on yourself, let the others do some of it too."
The
doors are opened and her gurney is being wheeled out before he can give any
response. He's by her side again by the time they walk through the door. They
share a delighted smile. This is it, time to share their son with the world.
"Oh
my" they hear and look up to see Justin and Jeff, their faces enraptured,
hurrying to see the baby.
Jessica
assures Justin she's all right and then turns back to her son. The pleasantries
being exchanged around her no competition for the wonder of her baby boy. Her
eyes barely leave the face shining up at her but the conversation around her
still sinks in. She hears Nick's voice switch to pure professional mode and
knows he's in the mind frame he goes to when he knows what he's about to do
isn't right. It's the same voice he uses to discuss breaking a victim on the
stand. Lifeless, lets get the job done as quickly and painlessly as possible,
whatever you do don't let yourself feel it. She doesn't need to see Nick to
know he's emotionally just shut himself down.
These are exceptional circumstances, the life of a dear friend is at stake, she
saw enough in his eyes to know if it weren't for that nothing could take him
from her side now. She's surprised to hear him pass off his beeper and research
to Justin realizing her request earlier to let the others handle the brunt of
it was heard. Maybe he will return to her shortly. She feels her gurney being
wheeled away and calls "Nick" to warn him she's leaving.
"I'll
be right there" he says and she's not surprised he doesn't meet her eye.
She looks at the baby and knows she couldn't watch him be wheeled away without
being compelled to follow either. She knows his words were more for his benefit
then hers. He needs to believe he'll be joining them soon. She'll believe it
for him.
Stroking
her sons head she pleads 'Don't you die on us Lea. Don't you dare do this to
him. Don't you let his suffering be in vain.' Her reasons may seem selfish but
right now her greatest want is to have her family together strong and whole.
She wants her husband at her side where he belongs, where she knows he too
wants to be. She remembers the longing in his eyes as they traveled here. She
remembers that last sweet smile they shared as they entered the hospital and
then she remembers the underlying fear in his eyes. Her son deserves a father's
eyes that can look at him purely with joy. Whatever Nick needs to do to ensure
he can do that she'll accept even if it means for now they must be apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End of part 27.
After
as a group praying over Lea's bedside Nick caught Cacee's eye and indicated he
wanted to speak to her in the hall. She followed him out where he asked her to
go sit with Jessica as he had some errands to run and didn't want Jessica to
have to wait alone.
Cacee
has since been sitting with Jessica. Assuring her Nick won't be long, fussing
over the baby, being as upbeat and distracting as she can be but has failed to
capture much of Jessica's attention. It is instead divided evenly between her
sleeping son and the door through which her husband is due to come. Half way
through a story Cacee sees Jessica's eyes again move towards the doorway. She's
about to reach out and assure her Nick won't be much longer when Jessica's eyes
sparkle in pure delight.
Walking
towards her, behind an elaborate bouquet of flowers and teddies, are legs
Jessica would recognize anywhere.
"Nick!"
she utters amazed.
He
peaks out behind the flowers and grins delighted with the surprise on her face.
He slides the bag he was carrying off his shoulder and places the bag onto the
bed beside her as he leans in and gives her a soft kiss.
"What's
this?" she asks.
"Some
things I thought you'd want from home."
"Thank
you" She smiles knowing she'd planned to give him a list of things she
wanted him to bring and wondering how many of them he got right.
"I'll
just..." he indicates the flowers he's starting to feel awkward holding.
Cacee
stands saying "Let me" and takes them from him before leaving the
room.
Nick's
eyes are bright with wonder, amazement and awe as he smiles down at the baby
asleep in his crib. "Can you believe it?" he finally says looking up
at her.
Jessica's
hands play over the bag and she smiles back at him shaking her head a little in
disbelief. "Pick him up Nick."
"Yeah?"
he asks staring down at the tiny bundle.
"Yeah"
He
reaches into the crib. His face a study of concentration as he gingerly raises
the baby to his chest. "God he's like holding air." He walks forwards
so he's perched on the bed beside her. "Open it" he says nodding
towards the bag and she slowly draws the zipper open. She removes the first few
items and smiles up at him with pleasure seeing the baby clothes she had set
aside to bring.
Cacee
reenters the room as Jessica is holding these up and immediately places the
vased flowers on the bedside table and reaches for the tiny jumpsuits, fussing
over their size and adorability. Jessica removes a camera from the bag which
Cacee also commandeers. Nick and Jessica exchange amused smiles and Jessica
returns to perusing the other items in the bag making note of what Nick has
brought and what else she needs to get him to bring.
Flicking
through the various items of clothing and toiletries her fingers come in
contact with the unmistakable texture of flannel. A secret smile steals over
her face as she seeks to uncover it and when she sees it's what she suspected
she looks up at him "Oh Nicholas."
He
leans in and whispers "In case you get cold."
"What
is it?" ever curious Cacee asks edging closer to the bed.
"Nothing!"
Jessica says firmly then cupping Nick's cheek whispers "thank you"
and kisses him. The flash of the camera startles them out of it and in unison
they cry "Cacee!"
"It
was an accident! Totally! My finger slipped" she says smugly and sits in
the chair grinning at them.
A
nurse comes to the door and cocks an eyebrow at Jessica who nods at her. After
she leaves Nick asks "What was that all about?"
"We've
been waiting for you to arrive to give him his first bath."
Nick
beams "Really?"
The
smiles that have barely left their faces again emerge in full glory.
"Yeah"
Jessica says stroking the baby's downy head.
"I'll
just go sit with Lea for a while." Cacee says and kisses all three of them
before leaving the room.
"Was
it something I said?" Nick asks "If so let me know what so I can use
it next time."
Jessica
laughs but her response drops away unspoken when the nurse returns wheeling the
trolley with all they need for the baby's bath. Grabbing some clothing from the
bag Nick brought Jessica gingerly climbs from the bed and walks to the
bathroom. Nick left holding the baby, who has began to make a noise, looks from
the nurse to the bathroom door and wonders if it's obvious to her he's
panicking. He rocks a little hoping that's what's required because if not he
has no idea. His son soon settles again and the nurse smiles at him
"You're a natural."
Jessica
reenters in time to see Nick's proud grin. It's a beautiful sight to her. Her
husband and their child, her family finally complete. Nick's eyes roam over her
and she tilts her head questioningly.
"You
still look..."
Shaking
her head she says "Nick if you're thinking of saying pregnant I'd think
again."
"Beautiful!
I was going to say beautiful" he assures her as he moves towards the
trolley set up with his son's bath.
He hands the baby to Jessica when she arrives by his side then
rests his hand on her back watching and listening to the nurse's instructions.
His eyes mesmerized by this tiny precious life laid bare before him. Looking at
this child everything else pales into insignificance. His son, his future, he's
a father now and the world will never be the same.
End of part 28.
Day
256
Jessica
wakes at 2 a.m. to the sound of an unhappy baby. Disorientated at first she
finally focuses on the face of the nurse standing by the bed telling her
someone is ready for a feed. She sees the baby in the nurse’s arms and,
after raising herself into a sitting position, reaches out for him. As she
moves the blanket slips away revealing the pajama top she'd been curled up with
while sleeping.
Smiling
the nurse asks "Dads?" and Jessica nods dropping her eyes to her
son's face. "I bet it still smells like him" she says and Jessica
blushes furiously. Chuckling she says "Believe me love I've seen it all
before."
Jessica
would have responded except her attention is suddenly otherwise occupied. This
is only her third, and so far most successful, attempt at feeding the baby. He
latched on this time without any prior coaxing and she looks at him with such
pride and delight. All symptoms of fatigue have disappeared as she feels the
soft pull of his lips.
"So
does he look like Dad?"
Jessica
appraises her son, "He has his eyes" she says and the nurse smiles at
how pleased Jessica sounds.
"Dad
wouldn't be tall, dark, incredibly handsome, fills out a dark grey suit
wonderfully but has a tendency to snore would he?"
Jessica
tears her eyes away from her son and looks at her perplexed.
"There's
a guy in the waiting area who was pouring over paper work of some sort until he
fell asleep about an hour ago."
Tears
of concern spring to Jessica's eyes "He hasn't slept in three days I
thought he went home. Could you wake him and send him in please?"
"You
have a friend in ICU too don't you?"
Jessica
nods and brushes a tear away.
"I
could accidentally rustle up a blanket for that chair too if you'd like."
"Please?"
Jessica says overcome by her kindness.
Handing
Jessica a tissue the nurse says as she departs "Of course legally we
aren't covered for someone who isn't actually admitted sleeping here but as
long as none of those pesky lawyers find out it should be ok"
Jessica
chuckles as she watches her walk away and wipes the tears from her eyes. She
finds her composure again watching over her son. Five minutes later Nick
sheepishly shuffles in ravishingly disheveled. "Come here" Jessica
says and gives him a quick kiss when he complies. She then points to the chair
saying "Sit. Sleep. We'll talk in the morning."
Watching
him trudge over without argument she thinks he may actually be asleep before he
hits the cushioning. She tests the theory as he sits by saying
"Nick?" One eye opens in response and smiling she teases "The
nurse says you snore."
He
chuckles as he mumbles "She's lying" and then he's asleep and proving
the nurse spoke only the truth.
Jessica
smiles indulgently at him, glad to have both her men safe and close at hand.
Lea too has survived another day giving them all renewed hope she'll continue
to fight for more. Jessica looks down at her increasingly sleepy son. Soon to
embark on his first full day, meeting all those who've eagerly awaited his
arrival. Ingraining himself into their hearts with his steely glance and
dimpled smile.
Day
259
They
slowly make their way towards the house. Jessica carrying the baby, Nick laden
down with bags, flowers, balloons, gifts and enough assorted junk to last them
a lifetime. It's slow going as he tries desperately to keep hold of it all.
"Leave
some in the car and come back for it later" Jessica had suggested as he
started dragging it all out.
She
received his patented 'you're a crazy woman' stare in response. She huffed and
he replied "I don't want to spend another moment without you." He was
forgiven, instantly and completely.
They
reach their door and he drops the most cumbersome items.
"Gently!"
she warns and he has the grace to look apologetic. He opens the door but before
walking through stops and looks at her "Shouldn't I carry you over the
threshold or something?"
"Nick
that's when you're married" she laughs.
"Did
I do it then?"
"No"
"So
how about now then?"
"Not
on your life!"
His
eyes twinkle at her and she smiles. She can't believe how incredibly blessed
she feels. She has her family close at hand, complete and unthreatened.
Together to be enjoyed and adored. Her friends are safe and well, or if not
quite well recovering. The future looks good and she's eager to live it.
They
walk into the apartment and Nick carries, kicks and slides all the items
through the door. Jessica's sure most will stay exactly where he's left them
until she deems it necessary to act but right now she doesn't care. They look
at one another as he closes the door and Nick laughs.
"What?"
Jessica asks.
Chuckling
he says "I feel like my whole life has been leading to this moment."
"And?"
"And
I haven't a clue what to do."
"I
know" she smiles at him "I keep waiting for someone to tell me what
now."
Nick
looks at his wife and child. He steps towards her. "Can I hold him?"
Her
smile erupts in reaction to the expression on his face as he holds the baby.
"He's
so ..." his head shakes at a loss for words.
"Perfect?"
she offers and he has to agree.
He
suddenly looks away from the baby and up at her "I uh ... I set up some
things in the bedroom for him."
"You
did?"
"Yeah
I had to prove I wasn't completely inept."
She
walks forward and lays her head against his arm "Nick you don't have
anything to prove to me."
He
smiles at her then says "Come see"
She
follows him down the hallway eager and afraid. Nick is as good a decorator as she
is a linebacker. With his eclectic tastes and I'll leave it here for now manner
she hasn't high hopes for what she'll find. Whatever he's done she'll praise
wholeheartedly then if possible over time slowly, subtly fix. She steps through
the door and gives a startled "Oh Nicholas!"
"It's
not much" he says nervously "Just what I figured we'd need for the
day. The rest I left until I had supervision." He gives her a look which
has her wondering if she spoke her little anti-decorator Nick tirade out loud.
She
walks into the room and looks around her and allows the new essence of the room
to sink in. Surprised that with so few changes it can feel so different. She
runs her hand along the change table and he says "I thought close to the
bathroom was best." She nods her approval and moves to sit in the rocking
chair. Her eyes raise to his and he grins "I saw your mouth water whenever
you looked through the catalogue. I've been storing it at my dad's " She
smiles and leans back allowing the chair's sway to flow through her. Her eyes
close and the smile and contentment spreads over her features.
Nick
looking on feels pride surge at the thought of having pleased her this much.
He's nervous though, there's another item that he's not sure will be so warmly
received. He doesn't want to interrupt her reverie or call attention to the
remaining item but he's curious to know her reaction. As if she senses his
unease her eyes open again and she looks at his face. "Thank you" she
says with a smile and rises walking towards the bassinet. He follows close
behind and she feels a tension emanate from his body.
Knowing
this final item is of importance to him she takes the time to truly see it
before showing him a reaction. It's a tiny white wood and wicker bassinet.
Exquisite but obviously not new. One of the things they'd had trouble deciding
on was an appropriate cot. They'd had no idea there was such an enormous range
and finding one that suited both their current cramped apartment and the
growing needs of a child was not as easy as they'd assumed. Jessica had been
surprised when she brought the topic up in the hospital to hear him say it was
all under control. His subsequent responses had been evasive so she'd guessed
he wanted to surprise her. This he had done.
"Nick
where did you get this?"
He
steps up next to her "Would you believe I once fit into that?"
After
a sharp intake of breath she says "This was yours!?"
"Yeah
... almost every Lachey baby has slept in this at one time or other."
"Why
didn't you tell me?" she asks in amazement.
"I
wanted to surprise you" he looks at her and the smile on his face drops
"You don't like it ... It's ok we don't have to use it I just
thought..."
"Nick,
Nick no I do like it. I love it! Of course we'll use it. You just surprised me
that's all." As she's speaking she takes the baby from Nick and places him
in the cot "From father to son ... Nicholas it's perfect."
He
smiles "You've been saying that a lot lately."
"Only
because it's true" she counters and he walks up behind her and wraps his
arms around her. They look down at the sleeping baby, this precious bundle they
still find hard to believe is theirs and relish in the pure joy of being home,
safe and together.
After
what could have been anywhere between five minutes or five hours considering
their current concept of time they slowly move away from the baby. Nick watches
as Jessica again scans the room, making note of all the additions he's made.
"So I did ok?" he asks.
"You
did better than ok baby" she squeezes the hand still clasped in hers and
says "This is ..."
"Perfect?"
he asks teasing.
"Well"
she replies drawing out the word for effect "maybe a Nick kind of
perfect."
"What's
that supposed to mean?" he asks grinning.
She
lets go of his hand and allows her hands to snake up his chest before coming to
rest at the back of his neck. Leaning against him, her mouth raised to his she
says "It means I love it" before kissing him.
Nick's
not sure what kind of perfect this is but he wouldn't trade it for any other
kind in the world.
THE END!