It threw me the keys and said, "We need to go to the FBI building."

This time I was thankful to drive. Concentrating on the road gave me a distraction from what I was about to do.

When we got to the FBI parking lot, it told me to park on the second level.

After I turned off the car, it gave me my orders, "Mulder is here. Find him and shoot him."

I nodded. There was nothing to say.

"Don't fuck this up Alex, this time we will be watching. Remember, we cleared out a lot of beds tonight, we have plenty of room to strap you into one."

I felt a lump in my throat. I swallowed it and nodded again. It continued to speak, "I have matters to attend to inside. It would be nice if you finished this before I am done."

Finally, it got out of the car, and went inside. I sat there for a while, trying to prepare myself for what I was about to do. Just this morning, Mulder swallowed his pride, and asked for my help. Now, I was going betray him, again. I wished he had hit me instead.

I got out of the car and looked around. I saw Mulder almost immediately. He was sitting in the passenger side of a car, talking on the phone. It said they would be watching. I wondered where they were.

I walked up to the car, smashed the side window, grabbed his phone and smashed it to the ground.
I told him to get out of the car. He did. This was going to be harder than I thought. I could see the anger in his face but he was not surprised. It was as if he expected this.

I felt like I should say something, although I didn't know what. All that came out was, "Doesn't seem fair now. Doesn't seem right. Coming down to this."

"What do you know about fair or right, Krycek? You're a coward. "

He was right, I was, but he didn't know what would happen to me if I failed. I heard its voice inside my head. "You better not fuck this one up Alex."

He walked around the car so we were standing face to face.

I kept trying to explain to him. I wanted him to understand, but nothing I said mattered. He didn't believe me, of course he didn't believe me, why would he? Still, I kept talking, delaying the job I was sent to do.

"You want to kill me, Alex, kill me. Like you killed my father. Just don't insult me trying to make me understand."

It was pointless. He didn't care what I had to say. I 'd betrayed him for the last time. He would never care what I had to say again, but I still couldn't shoot. My fingers were as frozen as they were when I put the gun to my own head. I kept thinking it couldn't end like this. It felt so wrong. I didn't want to do this.

"Remember, we cleared out a lot of beds tonight, we have plenty of room to strap you into one"

I just stood there, praying that I would find a way out of this. That something would happen that would stop this nightmare.

This time, surprisingly, my prayers were answered.

I heard a shot, and felt the pain in my arm. I dropped my gun, and fell down. When I looked up, I saw Skinner there. He was holding the gun I'd given him earlier. The pain was intense though. I wasn't sure if he switched the bullets. I had tested the bullets, but not on myself. Again, I was paying the price for my cowardice. I didn't care, I was ready to welcome death, but he needed to shoot me in the head. I reached for my gun, hoping it would give him the opportunity to finish me off, but the bastard shot me in the arm again. Fuck, it hurt. He had to kill me now. My sole arm was useless, I was useless. There would be no escaping that bed if I lived.

I pushed my gun towards him, and reminded him about the controller, "It's going to take more bullets than you can ever fire to win this game. But one bullet and I can give you a thousand lives."

"This time we will be watching"

I looked up and said, "Shoot Mulder"

Then Skinner fired. He shot me, just like I asked him, right in the head.

I fell to the ground. I didn't die instantly like I thought I would, and I wasn't in as much pain as I thought I'd be in. I didn't know if it was because Skinner used the right bullets, or if it was normal to take that long to die. I heard Mulder say something, and Skinner telling him he would get me. I just lay there. I knew they were watching. Mulder drove off. I heard Skinner walk away, and then I heard another set of footsteps.

I didn't move. I didn't breath. The footsteps came closer, stopped, then turned around and walked away. I had done it. I was free.

It's been three months now since my death. Skinner never switched any of the bullets. Bastard shot me in the arm just to see me suffer. True to his word, he did "get" me, just like he told Mulder he would. Left me lying there waiting for a while though. In the end, I think he was just as scared of having me become a replicant as I was.

He got me to a doctor I knew of, and I haven't seen him since. The doctor specialized in treating people like me who couldn't get real medical attention. I 'd seen him before, never really liked him though, which was good. It made killing him after I got better that much easier.

I'm now living in the middle of nowhere. The place is kind of similar to the one I found the old man in, several years ago. I'm nobody here, completely out of the loop and I love it. I have no phone, no TV, no computer, nothing that can connect me to the outside world. I simply don't want to know.

I can't say I found total freedom. I doubt I ever will. I have nightmares every night and sometimes during the day. Often they're about the replicants and the end of the world, but some of them are about Mulder. I think Mulder is my biggest regret. Even though I said I don't believe he's our savior, it's hard to completely kill that legend. There's a little voice in the back of my head telling me he needs me to stop the invasion, and that by turning my back on all of this I've failed him. I choose to ignore that voice, for now at least.

END

You made it to the end! Please drop me a line and let me know what you think. [email protected]

Most of the pictures are thanks to Hiding in the Light's X-Files Madness.