Fiducial

All my life I've wanted to fit in somewhere.

I never had.

"Have faith." Baba would tell me. "God has a plan for you, trust that."

I want to believe her. It's a comforting thought that you have a purpose in life, but Papa says religion is a load of shit. He's convinced a UFO will save us all. God doesn't exist in his world.

Papa says we're going to a better place. That the aliens are going to take us to a new Eden. Why couldn't we just go to America instead?

Baba wouldn't come, said it was sacrilege.

She was right. Oh my god, she was right. Everyone is burnt. It's like hell. I can't find my father. Part of me doesn't want to. I don't want to see his corpse.

I run. I'm sorry Papa.

I lose Mikhail. I hear him screaming. They're burning him too.

Somehow, I escape.

Why? What do I have that made God spare me? Do I really have a purpose? Is this God's plan?

If it is, why did the others die? Was that part of the plan too?

I can still smell the burnt flesh even though the flames have disappeared.

Why did I live?

Soldiers are here. I try to hide but they find me. Maybe it's for the best.

The man who speaks to me seems to be in charge.

He asks me if I saw what happened. I told him yes.

He places his hand on my shoulder and tells me something in English. I don't understand him. It sounds like an apology, but I hear no compassion in his voice, only regret.

Is he the one responsible for this? Will he kill me now that he knows I'm a witness?

He approaches a woman. She speaks English with the man. I don't know what they're saying but it isn't kind words.

She is very beautiful. I realize that I will likely die a virgin.

Some plan.

I'm taken to a prison. I can still smell death, but it's not as bad as the burnt corpses. I think I'm going to die here. The man comes in, same calm look on his face, and I start to panic.

I beg for my life. I tell him I won't tell anyone. I am crying and screaming like a coward. Papa would be ashamed, so would Mikhail, but they are dead.

Do the dead fell shame? I hope not.

He covers my mouth with his hand. I bite it.

He yells out in pain, his face changes, and then he is beating me.

Over and over again he hits me. I tell him I'll cooperate but he is no longer listening. I try to get away but I can't.

Finally, he stops.

He is quiet for a moment then asks me to tell him what I know. I tell him everything, cringing after each breath.

The door opens and another man enters. Is he the executioner?

This new man isn't happy that I am here, but he obeys the other man.

He says he's not going to kill me. That he only wants to do a test. Hopefully I can go after that.

This is no test.

This is torture.

I can't move. Wires hold me down.

I was wrong, God didn't spare me, being burnt would have been better.

I'm being punished more than those who were burnt.

Why?

What did I do to deserve this?

It's hard to see anything, but I feel this ooze on me, crawling up my neck and entering my body. I beg God to let me die, and then everything goes dark.

Am I dead?

I can't open my eyes.

I can't open my mouth.

I can barely move.

What have they done to me?

I'm not alone. Something else is with me. I don't know how this is possible, but it's inside me. It's almost like it's sleeping.

"Have faith." Baba would tell me, "God has a plan for you trust that."

I curse God.

Someone comes towards me.

He speaks. It's the man from earlier.

I don't understand him, but he sounds like he's trying to be nice.

I don't believe him.

I just want to sleep.

I just want to die.

There's water on my face. The man leaves.

I hear voices, I think it's the woman from earlier, or perhaps all American women sound like that.

I hear footsteps walking away.

The thing inside me feels stronger now. I think it's waking up.

Please God, let me die before it wakes up.

Footsteps again.

Not the man's.

I hear the woman's voice.

She helps me up, she tells me she going to take me somewhere safe.

The thing is much stronger now. How can anywhere be safe if this thing is with me?

I'm in a car with the woman.

The thing is getting very strong.

I know more about it.

It doesn't like me. It's angry that it's in a useless body.

Even a parasite doesn't want me.

It doesn't like her either, but she is not useless.

I don't think it likes at all.

I begin to feel better that Papa and Mikhail are dead. If this is the Eden Papa was talking about, we're all better off dead. Maybe the burnings weren't God's wrath. Maybe they were God's mercy.

Somehow these things should be stopped.

The woman stops. I don't know why.

I can't control this thing anymore. My mind goes blank.

I'm standing over the woman.

I can see now, and I can move my mouth. I see the ooze finish entering her body.

I stumble back.

I look at the car.

Somehow, I know where to go.

I'm on a bridge with others.

Soon the burnings would start.

I see men come. They are like I was. Eyes and mouth sewn shut.

They start setting people on fire.

I do not run.

One approaches me and stops.

It's like he's looking at me, or maybe in me.

He must of saw something because he doesn't burn me.

I sit down and cry. I want to be dead. I want to be with Mikhail and Papa.

"Have faith." Baba would tell me. "God has a plan for you, trust that."

I have no more faith. There is no plan. I don't understand what I'm doing here. I don't understand what kind of God could do this to me.

The man comes back.

I see his face change.

He looks like Mikhail.

"You had something inside you." He tells me.

I nod

"How come you didn't die"?

"They did some kind of test on me."

He holds his hand out to me.

"You could be very useful to us. We must go now, there isn't much time."

I don't do anything.

"We'll take good care of you."

I take his hand, and go with him. I go with people who had to endure some of the tortures I did, and I'm going to be able to help them.

"Have faith." Baba would tell me. "God has a plan for you, trust that."

Maybe he does after all.

End

Fiducial: a. based on faith or trust; used as a standard of reference or measurement. fiduciary, n. & a. (person) holding in trust; requiring trust; based on confidence, especially of public. Fiduciary issue, currency issued beyond the amount backed by gold.

Author's note: When I did some research on this word, I found it's most commonly used in financial terms or in religion, eg. fidicual faith in God. Since I can't even balance my checkbook, I went for the religious use.
May 24, Author's Notes: It has come to my attention that I missed a scene from the show, making this an AU. A minor AU, but I still want to point that out.

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