well now i bet there is a bunch of shit you guys wonder about me.....
oh theres gotta be something!
my favoritew song i wrote...(although noone agrees with me)
MY LITTLE WHORE
your perfect
because i hate you
but i wanna date you
in you i see me
but bitch
you know i could break you
as well as i can wake you
how would you like that?
well i dont have feeling
no not anymore
i smashed my skull upon the ceiling
are you still my little whore?
CHOURS
baby girl baby girl
i wish you werent real
your heart is made of steal (pause)
you never felt what i feel
this is my last meal
i know i cant change you
or rearange you
i run in circles
but ive yet to catch you
i know i cant let you
go, you have gone too far
wont you leave
but leave your heart as you walk
i hear you when you talk
can i hold you down?
i cannot predict you
not anymore
but i wont let that conflict you
are you still my little whore?
CHOURS
i know i cant see you
cause i cant be you
that song is about a certain girl... it would be mean to say who, this was right before i never saw her again.
HOMOPHOBIA
I hate how people are scared of me, and other lesbians, bisexuals, and gay people. We are human too goddamn it! Why do people hate and discriminate just because we are not just like you? We cannot all be the same. As Tiffany put it this morning "maybe we get sick when we see two straight people making out". Were not aliens or criminals! Why do i have to hide in the shadows, lieing out my teeth to all my friends, family, therapists, social workers, lawyers, and my own mother!What would happen if my 79 year old grandmother found out!?
Then the whole family would know, and i would be banned from christmas parties and all other family functions.How long can i convince everyone that i am straight?Will people start to talk when im single for years?
Will my mom question who are all the butch girls in my life? And when she comes to visit me at my apartment, will she want to know where this girl sleeps? How many lies will i have to tell, and will i ever telll people the truth?
Only a few people know and i feel like my life is a big lie and i have to be sneaky 24/7. I want everyone to know, but there is just so much hate..................................
5/10/03
o.k. im sitting on the front porch waiting for my transporter to come take me to my mom's.something weird just happened. if i was in my old house in olathe i would have thought it was my ghost, but im just here at penni's. im the only one home right? i was in the bathroom fixing my hair when penni's bedroom door shuts. at first i thought it was steve cause he was the only one who didnt go to the mall, and i didnt hear anyone talking. so i said "steve" no answer "STEVE" no answer "STEVE!!!!" and then the door handle starts shaking. i didnt know what to do so i grabbed my shit and went outside. i didnt turn off the TV or nothing, but i did lock the door like it mattered.I'm still waiting.
Penni thinks it was the wind, but she wasnt there. i have no idea what that was.
HELEN KELLER
im nothing special
even though i try to be
am i to go now?
tell me what you want me to be.....
i cant, love you, if I, dont know
come now, tell me, just who you are
you kissed me, but you hate me
i guess ive known you for too long
i remimber, your affection, tasting just like blood
i have,scars now, to show me where youve gone
you love me, but you killed me
i guess ive known you for too long
silence baby, you make me crazy
its such a pity now
i met so many, never like you
your the queen of the homeless sound
dont look at the groung like your shy
i already know youve lost your mind
where do you think your going next?
i think ive known you for too long
i loved you more than boys love there dicks
you said you loved me more than puppy dogs
broken promises, too many lies
i think ive known you for too long
shut up girl you dont know shit
you try to treat me like your better than me
i fell for you like a cruel april fools
id kill you but i cannot see
you took my sight from me!
there is more, go back up alittle to your right
i know the color of your eyes
i know your favorite song
i know the truth and when you lie
ive known you way too long
i know you think of me and cry
i know you hate yourself
i know you loved 2 girls and now youll die
ive known you way too long
now im blind and i cant see
you took my sight from me
now i cant go where you want me to be
you took my sight from me
im dead and breathing dont you see
you took my sight from me
just rip my eyes out please!
stick knives through my eardrums
wont i be a sight to see?
but when i look into the mirror
where will nothing be?
www.geocities.com/lacegirl13/just_one_dyke.html
peace, LACEY