You can row with minors and not get arrested.
You do not have to worry where your oar has been before.
Two words: "Cox Box".
You can row with up to seven other people at the same time.
Your oar will never give you a S.T.D. (except crabs).
Female rowers give Head races a new name.
Let's face it, it's not.
When rowing you have a coach to tell you what you did wrong.
After a good hard row, everybody is satisfied.
In rowing, the catch is aggressive, the hands quick, the slide smooth, the drive powerful, and the oar is always hard.
For those rowers out there who are now entrenched in the halls of academia after spending most of the semester rowing their brains out here's a quick list of ways that crew can provide a more pleasant and successful final exam experience:
In class, position your coach over your shoulder to correct any mistakes.
Tell your professor you only got through one paragraph of your final paper and then you caught a crab.
Everytime you get stuck on a hard problem, sit upright and yell: "In two, I'm taking a ten to send Harvard away."
Bring a water bottle with you (which in a pinch can serve another purpose in case your professor doesn't allow bathroom breaks).
Have a coxswain there to let you know how you're doing compared to everyone else--e.g.: "She just broke her pencil; here's where you make your move!"
Bring a pitch meter, clams, and a 7/16's wrench with you in the exam--the pitch meter to arrange your desk for optimal angle; the clams for your pencil so as the questions increase in difficulty you can "lighten the load"; and the 7/16 for...well it's just a good idea no matter where you go.
If you need some more time to cram before the exam, just raise your hand to let your professor know that you are not aligned.
Explain to the dean that it's not cheating to let your bowman with the 4.0 take the test for you since he/she is just an extension of you.
After the test, raise your hand and protest that ohio state came over into your lane.
Treat the exam like a 2000: do only 3/4 of the first question, 1/2 of the second, and 3/4 of the third and fourth. Then, settle down to your regular pace until the last 5 questions which you do in 1:20.
There will be more rowers than football players.
Not enough injuries for athletic trainers.
Team graduation rate is too high.
Team GPA is too high.
Can win by sitting on your bum and going backward.
There is no offense or defense in rowing; all rowers do the same thing; there are no incredible plays during competition.
Coaching staff is too small.
No need for maintenance crew to maintain practice and competition sites. No extensive recruiting budget.
Does not generate revenue.
Top 10 Reasons Why People Row Lightweight
LOVE IT, LIVE IT, ROW IT!!!
It's skill, not size, that matters.
Definition is sexy.
They're scrawny.
Endurance training increases libido.
It's better than being a butt-weight.
They like the feel of Saran Wrap on their body.
The lack of protein stimulates growth.
The extra layers of clothing compliment figure.
To meet incredibly interesting people in the sauna.
Top 10 Signs That Your Coxswain Might Be Stoned
Goes the entire race without saying a word.
Starts in lane 1 and ends in lane 6.
Calls the sprint 500 meters into the race just to see what would happen.
Weaves in and out of the lane markers like a downhill skier.
Calls a power 10 and forgets strokes 4, 7 and 9.
Keeps pointing out that racing shells look like giant doobies.
Becomes frightened of the stroke, screams, and jumps out of the boat.
Tries to contact extraterrestrial life through the cox box.
Prefers lower ratings (like a 12).
Gets lost on the way to the starting line.
