We all know that water is important, but I've never seen it written down like this before.

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated (likely applies to half the world's population).

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focussing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

==========================

COCA-COLA - No wonder coke tastes so good:

1. In many states in the USA, the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coca-Cola in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coca-Cola and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coca-Cola removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, Remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its Ph is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate), the commercial trucks must use the "Hazardous Material" place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of Coca-Cola have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Interesting Presidential Facts

1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office)

1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated)

1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated)

1900: William McKinley (Assassinated)

1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office)

1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office)

1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated)

1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived Assassination Attempt)

2000: ????????????????????????????????????????

And to think that we had 2 guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000.

John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both weJohnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'

Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by Ford.

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.

Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker:

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Some useless facts:

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Rene Descartes came up with the theory of coordinate geometry by looking at a fly walk across a tiled ceiling.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Stardust is carcinogenic. It contains polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, the same class of carbon compounds produced by diesel exhaust, forest fires, and volcanic eruptions. Specific carbon compounds include naphthalene, the chemical in mothballs, and pyrene, a cancer-causing chemical found in charred meat.

In the 21^st century in the U.S., no elevator passenger has been killed by their elevator falling.

Ballroom dancing is a major at Brigham Young University.

Some biblical scholars believe that Aramaic (the language of the ancient Bible) did not contain an easy way to say "many things" and used a term which has come down to us as 40. This means that when the Bible -- in many places -- refers to "40 days," they meant many days.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The original story from Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights begins, "Aladdin was a little Chinese boy."

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."

The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

The little bags of netting for gas lanterns (called 'mantles') are radioactive--so much so that they will set off an alarm at a nuclear reactor.

Cinderella's slippers were originally made out of fur. The story was changed in the 1600s by a translator.

Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads in Sweden. The conversion to right-hand was done on a weekday at 5pm. All traffic stopped as people switched sides. This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too sleepy to realize *this* was the day of the changeover.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" such that it rhymed with "rejoice."

In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam."

Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson."

Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty." (but he did say, "Beam me up, Mr. Scott".)

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes. (not true after Sept. 11)

The flag of the Philippines is the only national flag that is flown differently during times of peace or war. A portion of the flag is blue, while the other is red. The blue portion is flown on top in time of peace and the red portion is flown in wartime.

Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.

If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning first before you will die of oxygen deprivation.

Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by a lightning strike.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time: 1/100th of a second.

Certain frogs can be frozen solid, then thawed, and continue living.

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes
them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

> INTERESTING FACTS

> HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THESE THINGS?

>

>

> The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV

> were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Coca-Cola was originally! green.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US

> Treasury.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear

> better.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to

> work: Alaska

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%

> ( now get this...)

> The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

> $6,400

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The average number of people airborne over the US any given

> hour: 61,000

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. !

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China

> in 1910.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The youngest pope was 11 years old.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National

> Monuments.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king

> from history:

> Spades - King David,

> Hearts - Charlemagne,

> Clubs -Alexander, the Great

> Diamonds - Julius Caesar

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front

> legs in the air, ! the person died in battle. If the horse has one front

> leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

> If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of

> natural causes.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July

> 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on

> August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that make

> them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has

> ever won a Super bowl.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! ~~~~~

> The only two days of the year in which there are no professional

> sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the

> day after the Major League all-stars Game.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> Q. What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?

> A. No theme song

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

> A. Their birthplace.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular

> boat name requested?

> A. Obsession

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go

> until you would find the letter "A"?

> A. One thousand

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and

> laser printers all have in common?

> A. All invented by women.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

> A. Honey

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of

> the year?

> A. Father's Day

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the

> most ironic?

> A. He was allergic to carrots.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by

> ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making

> the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that

> for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his

> son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer

> and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called

> the honey month or what we know today as the honeymoon.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old

> England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at

> them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we

> get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked

> into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a

> refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ! "Wet your whistle"

>is

> the phrase inspired by this practice.

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

> In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen

> Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the

> English language.

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply
his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period
was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon."

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell
at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed
a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice.

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes-when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "good night, sleep tight" came from.

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." Uses every letter in the alphabet. (developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications)

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into
account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50
caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their
ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything
wider than your thumb.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Super Bowl.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs. And you thought they used pigs.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She
gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb,
kids came up with:

Better to be safe than..............punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the....................bug is close.

It's always darkest before..........daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of…..termites.

You can lead a horse to water but ..how?

Don't bite the hand that............looks dirty.

No news is..........................impossible.

A miss is as good as a..............Mr.

You can't teach an old dog..........math.

If you lie down with dogs, you......will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust.....................me.

The pen is mightier than............the pigs.

An idle mind is.....................the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there's.......pollution.

Happy is the bride who..............gets all the presents.

A penny saved is....................not much.

Two is company, three's.............The Musketeers.

None are so blind as................Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not.....spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed.......get new batteries.

You get out of something what you...see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind.......get out of the way.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and......you have to blow your
nose.

You Might Be From A Small Town If.........

1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what 4-H is.
3. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a
dirt road.
4. You used to drag "main."
5. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
6. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers,
since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't - same
goes with the game warden.
7. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
8. School gets canceled for state events.
9. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks
knew how old you were (and if you were old they'd tell your parents
anyhow).
10. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy
cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads
to smoke them.
11. You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
12. You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
13. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
14. You had senior skip day.
15. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
16. You don't give directions by street names or directions by references
(turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east to Anderson's, and it's four
houses left of the track field).
17. The cc golf course had only 9 holes.
18. You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.
19. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never
own a dark vehicle for this reason.
20. You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
21. The town next to you is considered "trashy"or "snooty," but is
actually just like your town.
22. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.
23. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people."
24. The people in the city dress funny, then you pickup on the trend two
years later.
25. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for
your birthday.
26. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed
store.
27. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
28. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get
stronger.
29. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
30. The city council meets at the coffee shop.
31. Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
32. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
33. Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
34. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests.
35. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and
ask if you need a ride.
36. Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
37. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
38. You can charge at all the local stores.
40. The closest mall is 45 miles away.
41. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn
mower.

ALL THESE ARE TRUE!

WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines.
The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
account.

----------------------------------------------------------

SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY!
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly
installed fire prevention alarm system.
"This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner,
"when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

----------------------------------------------------------

THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and grabbed him.

---------------------------------------------------------

DO-IT-YOURSELF BRAIN SURGERY??
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police
station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked
officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he
claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had
drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power
drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

---------------------------------------------------------

DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man
in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

----------------------------------------------------------

OUCH, THAT SMARTS!!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
designed to mark stolen money exploded in his fruit-of-the- Looms.
The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his
pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping
around with an explosion taking place inside his pants," said police
spokesman Mike Carey. Police have the man's charred trousers in
custody.

---------------------------------------------------------

ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted, "this is her
husband!"

----------------------------------------------------------

You can learn to speak

and write Chinese in 5 mintues !!!

It's amazing............

** Top Line -- English Phrase

** Second Line -- Chinese Interpretation

He's cleaning his automobile

Wa Shing Ka

This is a tow away zone

No Pah King

Is there a fugitive here ?

Hu Yu Hi Ding ?

Small Horse

Ti Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high !!

No Bai Nu Ting !!

Did you go to the beach ?

Wai Yu So Tan ?

I bumped into a coffee table

Ai Bang Mi Ni

I thought you were on a diet?

Wai Yu Mun Ching ?

Your body odor is offensive !

Yu Stin Ki Pu !

I got this for free.

Ai No Pai

This bathroom stinks !!!

Hu Flung Dung ?

You have a great sense of humor

Ai Tink Yu Fa Ni

Parents Glossary

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make
love again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart
to keep you on the edge of financial
disaster.
FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the
strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though
they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we
say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes
into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to
your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and begins to make those
familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house

I wonder why…

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don’t you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows 95 you have to click on "Start"?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume of the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on a watch always called the second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

FOR YOUR STOREHOUSE OF USELESS KNOWLEDGE:

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients for dynamite.

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has all 158 verses memorized.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens in the world than people.

Two-thirds of the world’s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched".

On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is an American flag.

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the English word that ends in the letters "mt".

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

There are only four words in the English language that end with "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Los Angeles’s full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula", which can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A."

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state’s third largest city.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra’s "It’s a Wonderful Life".

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the shield, and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

Who’s that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme song?….. Paul Reiser!

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baurn, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence "Oz".

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

50 Oxymorons

Top 50 Oxymorons...

50. Act naturally

49. Found missing

48. Resident alien

47. Advanced BASIC

46. Genuine imitation

45. Airline food

44. Good grief

43. Same difference

42 Almost exactly

41. Government organization

40. Sanitary landfill

39. Alone together

38. Legally drunk

37. Silent scream

36. British fashion

35. Living dead

34. Small crowd

33. Business ethics

32. Soft rock

31. Butt head

30. Military intelligence

29. Software documentation

28. New York culture

27. Extinct life

26. Sweet sorrow

25. Childproof

24. "Now, then..."

23. Synthetic natural gas

22. Christian scientists

21. Passive aggression

20. Taped live

19. Clearly misunderstood

18. Peace force

17. New classic

16. Temporary tax increase

15. French bravery

14. Plastic glasses

13. Terribly pleased

12. Computer security

11. Political science

10. Tight slacks

9. Definite maybe

8. Pretty ugly

7. Twelve-ounce pound cake

6. Diet ice cream

5. Rap music

4. Working vacation

3. Exact estimate

2. Religious tolerance

And the NUMBER ONE top OXY-Moron

1. Microsoft Works

Things the Movies Taught You...

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are

well within the price range of most people-whether

they are employed or not.

2) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born

evil.

3) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry

which wire to cut. You will always choose the right

one.

4) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to

override the communications system of any invading

alien society.

5) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will

wait patiently to attack you one by one by

dancing around in a threatening manner until you have

knocked out their predecessors.

6) When you turn out the light to go to bed,

everything in your bedroom will still be clearly

visible, just slightly bluish.

7) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to

become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of

22.

8) Honest and hard-working policemen are

traditionally gunned down three days before their

retirement.

9) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer

to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery

involving fuses, pulley systems,

deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks,

which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to

escape.

10) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that

reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist

level on the man lying beside her.

11) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one

stick of French bread.

12) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing

there is someone in the control tower to talk you

down.

13) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even

while scuba diving.

14) You're very likely to survive any battle in any

war unless you make the mistake of showing someone

a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German

or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak

the language. A German or Russian accent will

do.

16) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in

Paris.

17) A man will show no pain while taking the most

ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries

to clean his wounds.

18) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone

will be thrown through it before long.

19) If staying in a haunted house, women should

investigate any strange noises in their most revealing

underwear.

20) Word processors never display a cursor on screen

but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

21) Even when driving down a perfectly straight

road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel

vigorously

from left to right every few moments.

22) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing

devices with large red readouts so you know exactly

when they're going to go off.

23) A detective can only solve a case once he has

been suspended from duty.

24) If you decide to start dancing in the street,

everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25) Police departments give their officers

personality tests to make sure they are deliberately

assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26) When they are alone, all foreign military

officers prefer to speak to each other in English

27) Buildings in the city are always close enough

to jump from one rooftop to the next.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

1- Will The Real Dummy Please Stand Up?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he "lacked

intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2- With A Little Help From Our Friends

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman

who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas

canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the

police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."

3- What Was Plan B?

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced

him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the

kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4- The Getaway

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money

in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the

store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up

and grabbed him.

5- Did I Say That?

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just

couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the

lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man

shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6- Are We Communicating?

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her

contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the

doctor asked. "No," the man shouted, "this is her husband!"

7- Not The Sharpest Tool In The Shed

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold

up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a

finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his

pocket.

8- The Grand Finale

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour

east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a

problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new

22-foot Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane out at all, and it was very

sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.

After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby

marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside

check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine,

the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So,

one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up

choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE...

Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

****************************************************

Interesting if not totally useless, but factural, trivia......

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the

flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the

ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William

Jefferson Clinton.

And, the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.