�What are we going to do, just sit here on these La-Z-Boy force fields, eat broccoli, and listen to Marco babble like an idiot?�

�Is that a bear?�

�Yeah.�

�Is it mopping the floor?�

�Uh-huh.�

�Have we gone nuts?�

�I�m not nuts. It�s the bear who�s nuts. That�s carpeted up there.�

I looked down, and there, beneath on massive fold of elephant belly, was a small figure in an orange hooded sweatshirt.

�Oh, my God! She killed Kenny!� someone cried.

<Good grief, Marco, you live science fiction, why do you want to watch science fiction?>

�Like I know? Like I go food shopping in the wild? Picking dates off trees and tomatoes off vines and corn out of, I don�t know, corn trees?�

<Corn trees? Corn trees?>

�Oh, fine. I�m starving and you�re picking on me because I�m not a farm girl like Cassie.�

<I�ll bet you ten bucks she says, �Let�s do it!�>

<Let�s...go for it!>

<Oh, man!> Marco complained. <She cheated.>

Rachel laughed and leaped down off the desk with the sheet of paper in her teeth. <Okay, you�re my best friend. So not one word. Especially not �Awww, isn�t that sweet?� And definitely not �Cassie is in lo-ove, Cassie is in lo-ove.� And no way I�d ever say->

�Be sure and leave your brain to science when you die, Marco...After all, they�re the ones with the microscopes it�d take to find it.�

<Hey, I�m not as experienced as you are, Tobias, but I�m not a complete idiot.>>

<No, you�re an incomplete idiot!> Rachel called down helpfully.

�He�s gone. Ran away. But what�s bizarre is how it happened. They�re claiming a grizzly bear calmly walked in, knocked the doors down, and told the man...in some kind of psychic way...I mean, you have to envision a talking grizzly bear...a psychic talking bear...told the man...Told him to leave, get out, but not to do anything dumb like trying to hurt himself because...the bear...had had a really lousy day and didn�t want to have to save him again.�

�Think I should?� I said, a little giddy from having pulled it off so far. �I was thinking of calling for a pizza, but I guess I could call Jake instead.�

<That is you guys, right?> Rachel�s thought-speak voice asked. <I mean I figure, cockroaches falling through the air, gotta be you guys.>

<You know, possibly the reason I notice more than you, Marco, is that I don�t use half my brain making dumb jokes and the other half of my brain laughing at them.>

�Toby, meet Rachel. You two can visit the psychiatrist together.�

�What you said to me on the bus about Marco.�

�You mean, that he was like, funny?�

�Oh, my...� Jake whispered.

�Rachel,� Cassie pressed, �What do you think of Marco�s looks?�

I shrugged. I smiled. �He�s like, cute, all right?�

Marco sat down very suddenly. On the hay-strewn floor.

I was about halfway ready to say, �Fine. That sure beats trying yet again to bust into some heavily guarded compound and getting our brains beat in.�

�You going to try and wipe out every guy who�s cuter than you, Marco?� Rachel asked. �That�s half the human race.�

�Wow,� I said. �Not all glamour being an android, is it?�

�Tell me about it,� Erek said. �I�m passing as a junior high school kid.�

�No,� came the muffled response. �I just like to keep track of your level of insanity.�

You see, my head was entirely surrounded by soft, warm, fuzzy bats.

There was really only one thing to do.

�Marco...Be sure and stretch out. Up on your tiptoes now.�

�Aaaahhhh!� he yelped. �Oh, really funny, Rachel. That was so mature!�

�What, I should suffer and you shouldn�t just because you�re short?�

�Am I crazy, or is that horse trying to make a phone call?�

�Isn�t that romantic? Blondie and Bird-boy watching TV together. So Rachel munches on popcorn and Tobias eats roadkill? Romance! Must be something in the air.�

�What�s your problem, Marco, not enough fiber?�

�On a yacht, huh? He�ll probably be lying out in a bathing suit.�

�Mmmm.�

�Mmm-hmm.�

<It�s kind of fun. The wind whistling through the chinks in my body armor, rustling the spikes on my legs...>

<You people are all crazy...>

<Hey, don�t dates grow on trees?>

�Not according to my mom. She�s been thinking about dating again. You know, it�s been awhile since the divorce and...Oh. You mean like dates you eat? I guess they grow on trees.�

Rachel ran over, grabbed Marco by the shoulders and gave him a good hard shake. �Come on, you big baby, say it-free or dead!�

�Yeah, yeah, free or dead,� Marco said. Then he laughed. �Rachel, you know you�re insane, right?�

�Yes, but she�s a Packard Foundation Outstanding Student who�s insane,� Cassie chimed in.

�I�m sure the Yeerks will be impressed.�

<See, Ax? Told you it was Rachel. Anytime you hear a bunch of screaming and see people running, you�re going to find our girl Rachel somewhere close by.>

<Xena! It�s Xena!> Marco cried, delighted.<Okay, Rachel, the time has come. Fly down there, morph back to human, and you and Xena have it out. See who can kick whose butt.>

<What are you doing? Put me down! I�m going to go back and find the guy who shot me and->

�I guess you think you�re cool just because you nearly got killed twice in one day.�

�Yeah, that�s right. Later, just to prove how cool I am, I�m going to jump off a cliff.�

You are one sad, tired, burned-out specimen of humanity if you need someone to tell you which vacuum to buy.

Yeah, right. Where do I sign up, Mr. Chapman? Could there be a special discount on dues for Animorphs?

<Oh, yeah, this will work,> Rachel said in that tone I recognized as sarcasm. <A gorilla wearing some hideous Levi�s leisure suit and a kid who looks like he�s wearing his dad�s clothes, delivering a pair of bulls to a Yeerk meatpacking plant. Nothing weird there.>

I looked up, expecting to see red bathing suits. Instead, it was swords and leather boots.

Xena: Warrior Princess. My kind of girl.

Marco winked.

�Well, okay,� I said. �This we can watch.�

�Actually, Marco, they may try to breed with us first...�

�Marco may finally get a girlfriend,� Rachel said with a laugh. �Of course, she�ll have gills...�

�After all, a chimpanzee�s DNA is like ninety-seven percent identical to human DNA.�

�Or in Marco�s case, ninety-nine point nine percent,� Rachel interjected.

�Yes, it�s like the fact that Rachel�s DNA is actually ninety-nine percent identical to Malibu Barbie,� Marco shot back.

Behind us I heard a loud roar of delighted laughter. Like we�d really made the old guy�s day.

I guess if you think about it, hanging out with a bunch of politicians talking about peace must be kind of dull. After a couple of days of that, maybe you kind of welcome massive, enraged animals barging through your living room.

<Rachel?>

<Who did you expect? Jonah?>

�Oh, good grief, you guys are pathetic. None of you has ever tied a tie?

When he rapped out the word �Andalite!� she kept walking and without hesitation said, �Yeah, a light would be helpful, too.�

No, not a stupid idea. But definitely a stupid word. I mean, it sounds like �doody.� I mean, puh-leeze. I had to go and get killed because of something that sounds like you�re talking about what dogs do on the lawn?

I looked at Cassie. �You know, Cassie, when he says, �English spies,� I don�t think it�s exactly a compliment.�

�Someone call the Chee and tell them they�re doomed,� I said. �Their only hope is a collection of idiot kids, standing around in the woods debating cable channels.�

<Is anyone else expecting to run across, say, the Titanic?>

�You know, if I�m Xena, what�s that make you?�

�Hercules, obviously.�

�I was thinking more Joxer. Isn�t that the annoying weenie who hangs around Xena?�

<Oh, man, I�m being scratched!> I cried.

<Cursed parasites!> Visser Three shouted.

<Hey, he�s one to talk,> Rachel said.

Rachel nodded thoughtfully. �Well, if he thinks Marco�s an idiot he can�t be all bad.�

�The loud, hyper ones are females. This one is a male.�

�Oh, man. Now I�m really scared. It�s an entire species of Rachels.�