�So, Cassie, here�s your choice. If you were on a desert island, who would you want to be with you-Baby Spice or Marco?� Rachel asked...

�Actually, Cassie, you�ll end up running some big volunteer organization that save unhappy chickens and whales or whatever,� Rachel said...I kind of liked that picture of my future. Although I wasn�t sure how I was going to work with chickens and whales at the same time.

�No. I feel bad because I felt nothing. It felt...nothing, Rachel...It�s been going on for a long time. Each day, each battle, each mission, I just feel less and less.�

�Next time we can tell here we�re going to have Jake and his parents over to discuss rules for their relationship,� my mom said...More laughter. Hee-hee-hee.

�Or as a backup plan, we could threaten to take her to Father Banion for a family discussion about intimacy.� That was my dad�s suggestion...Parents. You can never completely trust them.

<We come here chasing Yeerks and we end up with this? Is this good luck or bad luck?>

<It�s our luck.>

Jake blushed, waiting for Marco to give him grief. But Marco just shook his head in a parody of sadness. �Fine, Cassie. Run back to Jake now that you�re all big again. I guess that�s the end of our plan to populate the world with a new race of tiny people.�

<Abandon yourself to the Force, Cassie Skywalker.>

It�s a very strange world where a person called Crazy Helen is at least partly right.

�It�s dangerous when Mom tries to be entertaining. See, she�ll think she has to be cool and all. She�ll start talking about �the Fudgies,� or �Snoop Diggity Dog,� or �Boys Eleven Men,� or �Nice is Neat.� �

<Yeah, right, Agent Mulder...Earth is the crossroads of every passing alien. We�re the McDonalds next to the highway of the galaxy.>

They argued on for a while, and not for the first time, I realized my life had gotten weird. I was flying a mile up, listening to a thought-speak debate between a bald eagle and an osprey over the existence of aliens.

<Is that...

<Yeah, I think so,> I said.

<Oh, my God.>

<A long way from God,> I muttered.

�Both, Rachel. And I like the blue. And the yellow. And that gross color over there. And the stripes. We live in paradise, Rachel, and we don�t even know it. And we don�t know when it might end. We�d have to be fools not to enjoy it while we can. So, whip out your credit card, girl, we�re adding some color!�

I have the kind of enemies that no normal, short, fashion-impaired animal nut should have.

I�m not kidding. They once spent an entire Saturday arguing whether something could taste like a color. I seem to remember that Marco thought cheese actually tasted green.

�Hey, we�re saving the world here, Marco,� I said.

�That�s what all lunatics say.�

�Underwear?� Cassie shrilled. She held up a pair. �Tommy Hilfiger underwear...He�s an android. He doesn�t need designer underwear...Uh, Rachel? He�s an android? Excuse me? He doesn�t even need pants, except as a disguise.�

�Darn. Now I can�t drag behind you for three hours while you power-shop and guys drool all over you. Oh, what a pity. Oh, life is so cruel.�

�Of course...we might have to actually meet Jeremy Jason in order to save him.�

�We have to do our duty...I mean, for a start, we have to find out if he�s already a Controller.�

�And we�d probably have to meet him to do that.�

�Get close to him.�

�Very close.�

�Absolutely.�

�Mmm-hmmm.�

�The two of you are making me sick.�

Not that I�m complaining. Well, not exactly. I have to admit it would be nice to kiss Jake after a movie instead of after a battle or some other near death experience.

I suddenly had this powerful urge to walk away. To go find a TV, plant myself in front of it with a pint of Ben and Jerry�s, crank the volume, and forget everything.

�No, Rachel. That wouldn�t be kind at all. He and the others have meaning to their lives now. Why should we destroy all that and make them feel trivial and foolish?�

�Ooooh, wisdom,� Marco mocked gently. �Deep.�

<Awww, isn�t that sweet?> I said, so Cassie could hear. <Her first thought is �Jake.� Makes you wonder just what kind of dreams she was having.>

I just sat there, feeling weird and significant yet silly. It was like a holy religious ritual. Man creating fire.

Or in this case, woman, I thought with a grin.

�Yeah? Well, this shelter is terrible. I�m going back to the Salvation Army,� the man said.

<Hmmm,>Cassie said. <I believe that was a human being exercising free will.>

<Just how much public television do you watch, Cassie?> I asked. <No, I really don�t want to know.>

�She wants to know why she should have chosen you,� I reported. �Should I explain to her that you are the mighty, the powerful, the ultimate Yeerk-killer, Xena: Warrior Princess, whereas I am merely an ambivalent, animal-loving, tree-hugging wuss?�

�Do not throw that dirt clod at me.�

�It�s an experiment. I have to know whether you�re really human! You�re like the Undead. Only you�re the Un-dirty!�

Marco laughed. �Oh come on, you know you�re a hopeless tree-hugging animal nut. Come on. You�re wearing Birkenstocks right now, aren�t you? Confess.�