Master-Riff 06: This NSUCKS!

storyid: 541651

Author: Jimbo - NC-17 - English - Fantasy

Sit back, and welcome, to Master-Riff Theater...

DISCLAMER: I don't own MST3K or anything related to it, so don't sue me for the 23 cents
that I have. The fic on the chopping block isn't mine either, thank goodness for that.
The MiST is not intended to be a personal attack, but a humorous review and a way for me
to blow off steam. Just sit back, relax, and have some laughs on me. But: You must be 18
or older to view this MiST, since it contains explicit scenes and well deserves its
rating. Little gods want to rule the world now. Little works make 'em feel so high. Keep
reading and it's on your own head, Charlie!


And our MiSTers arrrre:

David: "Sure, leave the lemons for me."
Jamie: "I was robbed! Reprogram that thing!"
Ken: "I won that straight, so shaddup!"
And our host, Jimbo: "'And our host'? What the hell is this, Wheel of Fortune?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[Fade in on the usual suspects in the Summer House O' Doom. David is on the VR terminal,
wearing the headset and typing furiously. Meanwhile, Jamie is watching Jimbo and Ken
play Super Street Fighter II.]

Jimbo: [in unison with the game] Hadoken!!

Ken: [ditto] Sonic boom! Canceled it.

[On screen, Jimbo is (ironically enough) playing Ken, and our Ken is playing Guile.
They're on either side, waiting.]

Jimbo: C'mon, beotch! 22 more seconds and you lose automatically.

[Switch back to the screen. Amidst assorted comments from the players and Jamie, Guile
jumps forwards twice, kicking both times. SF Ken blocks, then does a Hurricane Kick.
Guile jumps back and Sonic Boom-s him, making him dizzy. Guile then walks over and KOes
SF Ken with a throw.]

Ken: Bitch.

Jimbo: Dammit, why do I suck so much at this game.

Jamie: 'Bout time you lost, after killing us in Goldeneye, Pok‚mon, Perfect Dark, Sonic
3...

Jimbo: No one likes a sore loser. Now shut up.

[A loud ring echoes through the place.]

Jimbo: The doorbell?! Who the heck is it way out here?

[Jimbo walks over to the door and opens it. He steps aside to let in a brown-clad UPS
man. The UPS man makes a motion outside.]

UPS Man: Okay, bring it in here!

[A forklift drives in, hauling a large crate. The crate is lowered in the middle of the
main room. The forklift then leaves. The UPS man walks over to a bewildered Jimbo and
shoves a clipboard in his face.]

UPS Man: All right, sign here.

Jimbo: The hell?...[skims the sheet] Wait a minute, we're not a Wal-Mart!

UPS Man: This is the location I was given. You gonna sign or are you gonna pay the fee
to re-send it.

Jimbo: How much is that?

UPS Man: 'Bout $300 should cover it...

Jimbo: I'll sign.

[Jimbo swoops out his signature on the clipboard. The UPS man grabs it and makes a quick
exit, shutting the door behind him.]

Jimbo: Okay...there's a Wal-Mart way out here now? We're a week's drive from anywhere!
The hell...

Ken: [looking the package over] 1 Desolatta Drive. That's here, all right.

Jamie: [having taken off the top of the crate] Oh my God...

Ken: [peering in] Oh man. We don't want this!

Jimbo: What is it? Playboys?

[Jimbo looks in the crate. Inside is a large collection of...]

Jimbo: NSYNC CDs?! Who in their right mind ships a bunch of crappy boy band CDs to the
middle of nowhere, Canada?!

Ken: Test the effects of fire on disk platters?

Jamie: Coasters?

Jimbo: Nah. I'll talk to the shipping company after we MiST.

Jamie: Okay...MiST?!?!

Jimbo: Yeah. We need to get David back into the groove.

Ken: Now all we need to do is get him off the computer.

[Ken indicates David, still on the computer, still typing like an epileptic robot.]

Jimbo: Leave that to me. [to Blip] Blip, VR link. Upload program "Rude Awakening."

[Blip beeps a couple of times, then sets to work, its wheel spinning during the upload.
After a couple of seconds, David jumps up, screams, and throws the helmet off of his
head.]

David: YAAHH! Begone, evil pop demons!!

Jimbo: David, calm down. MiSTing time.

David: How am I to calm down if we are going to MiST.

Jimbo: Actually, it's probably easier if you don't, because it's Lemon Time.

[Jimbo walks up to the control room. The MiSTers, hearing those dreaded words, file into
the theater somewhat reluctantly.]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[After everyone sits down...]
Jimbo: Okay guys, fair warning. This one's pretty bad, so I've got barf bags in the
armrests.
David: How bad can it be?
Jimbo: Uh...I'll let you find that out...

] I Want to Have a Tentacle Enema

Jamie,Ken,David: 0_0
David: Even the title says, "Duck and cover!"

] by Icarus Flatslab

All: [snicker]
Jimbo: Wuss name!

] DISCLAIMER:

Jamie: I'm crap. Stop reading now.

] I don't care what you all think, because I'm right, and you're wrong?

Ken: Actually, other way around. Thanks for asking.

] I can write about heinous rape and violence towards women because I can't get any!

All: 0_0
Jamie: Why am I thinking "ego-maniac revenge fic"?
Jimbo: 'Cause it is. Brace yourselves, guys, it's going down!!
Ken: Ay! What happened to no non-consensual?!
Jimbo: The same thing that happened to the fourth wall.

] Well, that and I enjoy striking back at women for tha abuse they have given me... the
] rejection... and the mean way my mommy spanked my bum when I started wearing her bra...
] oops.

David: Gross!
Ken: Talks like David, thinks like Larry Flynt. That's not good.
David: What is wrong with my speech patterns?
Jamie: It's the Flynt part we're dissing.

] Basically, get out if you aren't going to bow down to my superior will and recognize
] that anything you say will be promptly dissected by my extreme intelligence,

Jimbo: [Flatslab] I'm gonna go home and cry now! *sob*

] and masterful crafting of the vernacular and formal languages,

Ken: Like his masterful use of run-on sentences.

] you should travel far, far away from this story.

David: We cannot. Jimbo is watching.
Jimbo: Damn straight.

] Because even though what I will write in this story will certainly make you nauseous,
] or hate me... it's not my fault... it's yours.

Jamie: [announcer] It's your fault, the reader's, that I write horribly inaccurate and
gruesome sex scenes.
Ken: Hey, it's Jimbo's fault we read them.
Jimbo: Sorry, but this shit needs to be destroyed. I'll get a new arcade in after this, I
promise.
Ken: Or at least get those CDs out...

] See, I made this story to help people...

David: [Flatslab] ...rack up HUGE therapy bills in the near future.

] all anyone who complains about it does is hate. See, by seeing women get raped, and by
] tentacles no doubt.. it helps people come in touch with their hate for women.

Jimbo: [_really_ pissed] Hey, buddy! You want Blip's cutter shoved up your...
Ken: Jimbo, settle! Show you're better than this guy!
Jimbo: [calming down] Thanks...I needed that...

] Yes, those vile, disgusting, despicable women. They really suck.

Jamie: How much you want to bet he's a permanent virgin?
David: We stand to lose anything we put on to that wager.

] And they won't give me any.

Jimbo: Classic case of: ASSHOLES DON'T GET ANY!
Ken: Personal experience?
Jimbo: Mostly, yeah.

] Really.

Jimbo: Really?
David: Really.
Jamie: Really really?
Ken: [Shrek] Really really.
Jimbo: The Shrek "really really" sketch, thank you!

] So, again, what I write should be taken as Holy word, so please read and enjoy. because
] remember, this is for pleasure!

Jimbo: 0o0 Holy word?! This guy?! No fucking way!

] I WANT TO HAVE A TENTACLE ENEMA.

All: We wish you had one!

] -----

Jamie: Actually, he crossed the line on the word 'tentacle' in the title.

] Hentai Dursheim walked down the road to Niederbrechen.

David: Where he met with Anti-Hentai Bobbit. Madness ensued.
[A thump of someone hitting the floor sounds from the control room.]

] "Ja, what a wonderful day it is, eh? I haven't gotten laid by the beer nymphs,

All: [crack up laughing]
Jamie: [through laughter] Beer nymphs...

] so now I am feeling lonely, horny and deserted!

Ken: A day in the life of Icarus Flatslab.
Jimbo: His usual morning, huh?

] I think I should go

David: Kill yourself? Great idea!
Ken: Ay! You stole my whole 'dark riffer' thing!
Jamie: Like Jimbo can actually keep the characterization straight.

] and find some girl to take. But how? My personality is too offiicious for someone to
] sleep with me!

Jimbo: Really, Einstein?
David: I thought we were not personally attacking authors.
Jimbo: This guy is a pompous jerk who dreams of raping women in horrific ways. Right
there he hit all of my major peeves. Bring it on!

] Oh! I've got it! I'll turn into a tentacle monster!

Jamie: [Flatslab] Thus completing my contract with the Overfiend people.

] They get all the chicks!"

Ken: Only because crappy perverts have keyboards.
Jimbo: And because the creator of Overfiend got horny.

] Hentai skipped down the road.

David: Only to be rounded up by Mblow0t5 for the Great Hentai Roast.
Jamie: I thought she retired?
Everyone else: [sneezing] Bullshit.
Jimbo: This heavy commentary brought to you by the 3M corporation. 3M, PO BOX 3MTA3.

]

Jamie: We're inferior to this guy?
Ken: Haha.

] :-{ >

Ken: [surfer stereotype] Check it out, dudes, I've got a gnarly moustache!

] I came down to the village center. All the maidens were in their homes asleep. So I
] needed a way to change quickly into a tentacle monster.

David: One plot contrivance, coming up.

] Wait!! I know! The Brunnen von ertrunkenem frechem Tentacle!

Jamie: [bad German accent] Ja brautenstein!
Ken: [bad German accent] Sieg heil!
David: [better German accent] Ja pole, mein Grossenbiter!
Jimbo: [laughing] You guys are nuts.

]

Jamie: So this is where they drown crappy hentai tentacle writers?
Ken: We wish, Jamie. We wish.

] There was the fountain... at the edge of the village... it had the statue of an octopus
] on the top of it. Ah, perfect... I thought.

David: Very odd....I offered.
Jamie: This is shit....I riffed.
Ken: I'm whacking off....the author said.

] I immediately shed my clothes, my peepee bobbing free,

All: [snickering]
Jimbo: [still snickering] Peepee?!
Ken: [ditto] This guy's gotta be about twelve!
[Pause, then everyone breaks out laughing.]

] already hard enough to do its work.

[Everyone recovers.]
Jamie: [looks at screen] Song cue!
All: [singing] Like a rock...oh, like a rock!

] I leaped into the shallow fountain, bonking my head,

David: Wah-wah-waaahh.

] but since it was solid bone, I wasn't hurt.

Jamie: That's sad if even the author admits he's a idiot.
Jimbo: This guy's giving self-insertions everywhere a bad name.
Ken: Even Dark Starr? And Oscar? And Great Red Serpent?
Jimbo: ...I stand corrected.

] Almost immediately, I began to transform. My formerly 4.5 cm penis immediately extended
] to a robust 400 cm.

David,Jimbo,Jamie: WHOA!
Ken: No peepee?
Jamie: 4.5 cm? That's like two or three inches!
Jimbo: [Shrek] Do ya think he's compensating for something?

] My four other limbs spread out as well, and eventually, I had a hollow metal

David: Head!
Ken: Damn, beat me to it.

] casing. My eyes turned to stalks, and pretty soon I became a full-grown tentacle beast,
] with 17 glorious tentacles to torture ... err.. pleasure my helpless female victims
] with.

Jaime: And so, the lemon flavour turns sour.
Jimbo: Sour? At this rate, the juice'll be battery acid.

] The biggest one, my penis tentacle, stiffened in anticipation of this glorious task!

Ken: [Flatslab] Whoops, forgot about that store! Guess I'll be careful of where I point
that thing next time.
Everyone else: KEN!!!

] Immediately, I sprouted some wheels and walked into the middle of Niederbrechen.

David: [squints] "Sprouted some wheels"? Can a tentacle beast do that?
Jimbo: I'm not a expert, but I don't think so.

] Good... nobody was outside. I looked around for a pleasing victim... then I saw young
] Helga Von Brunnheim walking down Wuppertaller Strate, towards the village centre.

Jamie: [church lady] How conviiiiiiiinient!

] Now's my chance! I hid in some bushes, and waited for Helga to go to her home.

Ken: [Flatslab] Unfortunately, I forgot about her mousetraps.
[The thump echoes from the control room again.]
Jamie: [wincing slightly] Jimbo, you all right in there?
Jimbo: [weakly] Hate you guys...

] Helga walked up to her house, and opened the lovely little door with the wooden
] squirrel on it that read "Helga". Helga, Helga, Helga... how do I love thee...

David: Jimbo! Jimbo!!
Jimbo: What?
David: The fanfic!
Jimbo: _What_?!
David: It's stuck!!
[Jimbo bangs his head off of a wall while Ken and Jamie applaud.]

] Well, anyway, you miserable peons, I will continue.

David: I choose 'no'.
Jimbo: Sorry, this isn't a text adventure. Just riff it out.

] As soon as she shut her door, I walked up to a window. Helga was changing into a pair
] of pajamas with oh-so-cute little bunny faces on them.

Jamie: Is that a Sailor Moon reference?
Ken: Jamie, that is a _nasty_ picture.

] Ohhh... I felt my penis tentacle getting hard again... I am gonna score!

Jimbo: [Butthead] Huh-huh...huh-huh, I'm gonna score...

] Helga stretched after changing. "Boy, I'm glad I'm all alone and helpless... that way,
] some evil guy can take advantage of me or maim me or something!"

David: The one thing any supporting character in a horror movie should say.

] I was overjoyed!! Here was a perfect victim... a helpless, horrible woman...

Ken: [Flatslab] Unfortunately, she kept a loaded shotgun under the bed.
Jamie: Anyone up for Perfect Dark?

] Ah, sweet revenge.. I will take what is rightfully mine!

David: What is rightfully his?
Jimbo: Two Oreos and half a can of Mountain Dew.
Everyone else: ...
Jamie: The hell was that?!
Jimbo: InQuest reference. Free peanut butter cookie to anyone who can tell me the issue
it came from.

] I rolled to the door and smashed through it,

Ken: [nagging wife stereotype] Damn it, you came home drunk again, didn't you, DIDN'T
YOU?! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!
Jimbo: Chichi, ladies and gentlemen.
Ken: Goku drunk is _not_ a nice picture.

] and before she could say

All: Hamdingers!

] anything, I had a tentacle on each limb. Damn, I'm good...

David: [Flatslab] I can steal lines from Duke Nukem. Damn, I'm good!

] I have 13 tentacles to spare

Jamie: Reminds me of one of Jimbo's ideas for a role-playing adventure.
Jimbo: Okay, maybe it was a little overpowered...
Jamie: A little?! You had a Beholder in a first-level adventure!
Jimbo: Why d'ya think I don't do that stuff anymore?

] and I didn't even use the Master Blaster Love Piston yet!

All: [break up laughing]
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
[Everyone finally controls themselves, then...]
Jimbo: Master...blaster....
[Everyone cracks up anew.]

] I added another two tentacles to function as hands, and I moved forward.

[Everyone _finally_ stops laughing.]
David: ...oh, that was funny.
Jamie: [looks at the screen and makes a face] Well, back to tentacle reality, guys.
Ken: Let's go.

] Mmmm... so delectable.

Jimbo: Mmmm...peanut butter cookies...

] I licked at her buttons,

Ken: [Mindy] Buttons! Oh, Buttons!
David: I would have thought of...
Jimbo: No! No more M-isms! I'm close to getting killed for that.
Jamie: M-isms? How about M-and-M's?
[David and Ken laugh. Jimbo groans.]

] and they conveniently came off.

Ken: Whoa! More one-touch clothing!
David: No icons are involved this time, though.

] Wow!! She's a perfect, helpless victim! It doesn't get any better than this!

Jamie: [Valley Girl] Tee-hee! Gratuitous violence is fun!

] I opened the pajamas, so I could see her snowy-pale chest, with delectable little
] boobies tipped with little itty bitty poo-poo brown nipples.

All: [trying _very_ hard to keep their composure]
Ken: Itty...bitty...
Jamie: [Adam Sandler] And she showed me her boobies!
[Everyone starts laughing, yet again. Blip waits for them to stop, then continues.]

] Yum! I ran my tongue over her wonderful little yabos,

David: Yabos?
Jimbo: Not the best euphimism I've heard.

] and then back across her milkjugs.

Ken: Those can be recycled, you know.
Jimbo: [It takes him a second...] Oh, okay, I get it. That wasn't funny though.
Ken: Better than the Yabos joke.

] Her little nippies got hard, and then I started to move my tongue down to her peepee.

Jamie: Aah!!! What kind of woman is this?!
David: Somebody should give this man a sexual education course.
Jimbo: Remember, guys have something special that girls don't.
Ken: Which is...
Jimbo: A beard!

] My peepee was getting hard, so I wanted to put my peepee in her peepee.

[Again, everyone is trying very, _very_ hard not to laugh.]
Jimbo: Folks, that speaks for itself.

] But she wouldn't let me. But I forced it in anyway.

Ken: I've got one, but it's a little out of place.
David: Go on.
Ken: [Homer Simpson] We wanted to press the button, but then that guy told us not to
press it, so we pressed it anyway!
Jamie: Very nice and obscure.
Ken: Thank you. :)

] "aaaaahhhh!" Helga screamed. I wrapped a tentacle around her mouth. Shut up, do you
] want someone to come in and rob me of my hobby of mistreating women?

Jimbo: How about another hobby? Like gaming?
David: Or intellectual enlightenment?
Jamie: Or hockey?
Ken: Or pool?

] I squeezed tight, so the wench would shut up.

Everyone but David: [snickers]
David: What is so funny?
Jamie: It's a Madsen quote!
David: Little Gamers again? Why are you so interested in that site?
Ken and Jimbo: Because it's funny!
Jamie: Wench!

] So I plunged farther, and I pressed against her swollen bladder, making her spray all
] over the floor.

All: Ugh!
David: Lack of sexual knowledge and extreme perversion. This is going to be very painful.
Jimbo: Yeah, it is. Take it like men!

] Yum! I paused and activated my suction tentacle.

Ken: [to Jamie and David] Should I?
[Both nod.]
Ken: Tentacle, vacuum!
Jimbo: 0_0 Hey!

] Yumm... a bit salty, though.
] A lot better than when I had been eating shit all those years.

[All laugh.]
Jamie: That explains a lot.

] I pumped my swollen central tentacle in and out... her boobies rising and falling with
] every thrust.

Ken: [Homer Simpson] Boobies go up, boobies go down...
Jimbo: I've read this fic before you guys, and I still find this funny. [shaking head and
snickering] Boobies...

] And she's enjoying it! Hot damn this is fun!

David: [little kiddie voice] Mommy, wow! I'm screwing up sex scenes now!

] I pumped harder, banging against her pelvis. Yes! Who's box is this? Who's box is this?

Jimbo: [singing] Who's box is this, that smells like cheese. The box that's
oh so hole-ly...
David: Is nothing sacred with you?
Jimbo: [grinning] Hell no!

] "oooohhh... your box, take it, tentacle monster!" Helga moaned.

Jamie: And a one, and a two, and a three...
All: [singing to the tune of "Rearranged"]
Lately I've been skeptical
Looking around the barren streets
Tentacles all around me
Written by a self-insertion freak
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the plot contrivance now
We've got to MiST this shit and
Riff it all and bring these hentai's down
Oh, you don't understand how
I put up with all this crap
Because we're forced to do it
By a self-insertion hack [Jimbo: Hey!]
To make fun of anything
That's in crappy shape
We've made it through these things before
And made some lemonade
So you...can't make...
Us...stop
Bring, it, on!
[All bow to the appaulase coming from behind the fourth wall.]
Jimbo: Thank you, and apoligies to Limp Bizkit.

] This girl was all mine. "Mmmmmm...."

Ken: Whose riff is it?
Jamie: Who knows anymore?
Ken: Okay. [Homer] Mmmmmm...donuts...

] Suddenly, her sister Heidi came in. She dropped her keg of beer on the ground, creating
] a frothy mess.

David: Flatslab brought a college frat party into this?
Jamie: No, thank God.

] "Vass is this? A tentacle monster raping my --"

Jimbo: "Psssst...'sister,' raping my _sister_."

] Since she was also a helpless female, and I had 12 tentacles free, I grabbed

Jamie: An entire twelve-pack of Blue, managing to drink it all in one gulp.

] her with four of them. I added a tentacle to rip off her clothes, and another tentacle
] to gag her.

David: This sounds like first-grade arithmatic homework. [Teacher] If you have 12
tentacles, and you subtract four plus one plus one tentacles, can anyone tell me how many
tentacles you have?

] Once she was naked, and let me tell you, her boobies are nothing to be ashamed of
] either... but I saw her butt.

Jimbo: [singing] I like _big_ _butts_ and I cannot lie...
Jamie: [singing] Let me see that thong...

] Oooh, I want to bugger that sweet ass!

David: He is British now?
Jimbo: I'd make a Monty Python riff if I had actually seen any Monty Python.
David: 0o0...you have not seen Monty Python?!
Jimbo: Hey, I'm working on it.

] And she's going to give it to me! I shoved another tentacle far into her sweet little
] ass.

All: [wincing] Ow!

] Fuck that stuff about wait for the sphincter... I'm going full tilt!

Jamie: ... Someone? Anyone? What the hell does that mean?
[No answer from the rest of the group.]

] I plowed her ass like a cornfield...

Jimbo: [snickers]

] even when the blood was ocming out.

Jimbo: [stops] Dude, that is not cool.
David: Why? Blood is ocming out, not coming out.

] Haha! see!! This is what happens when you don't go out with me!

Ken: Hannibal Lecter _is_ Flatslab!
Jamie: Hannibal had a lot more class. We're talking more along the lines of Miggs.

] She moaned and began to like it too! Bitchin'!!

All: [chanting] CLI-ch‚...CLI-ch‚....

] Pretty soon, she pissed on herself, and came. Her peepee was all covered with piss, it
] was great.

Jamie and Jimbo: What the hell?!
David: This guy's lack of knowledge astounds me. Even _I_ know more than this guy!

] I laid them down on the bed. Now rub your pussies together and make out! I want to see
] a lesbo porn flick!

Jamie: Then why all the transformations? You can rent one for four or five bucks
Canadian.
David: I doubt Flatslab is old enough to rent one.

] I made them rub their pussies together, it was great. They even got to lick each
] other's boobies, it was so cool.

Jimbo: [Chris Farley from SNL] You know, that one scene where their rubbed each other's
boobies?...That was cool.

] I couldn't take anymore, so I raised my penis tentacle and shot my load all over the
] bed.

David, Ken, Jimbo: Ewwww!
Jamie: [British] Cap'n, we're sinking!

] it drenched them completely. I loved it.

David: I bet that you did.

] "So, Tentacle man... want to make a movie deal?

Jimbo: [Speaker] Yeah, I hear they need someone for a "Manos II".

] I love being raped by you, and it makes us women look like helpless objects! We need more
] people like that!!" Helga moaned.

[David buries his head in his hands. Jamie rolls his eyes. Jimbo is turning purple, and
Ken is shaking head in exasperation.]

] What could I say? I loved it! You bet, Baby! I picked her up and licked her peepee.

All: [Uproarious laughter]

] I gotta do this again sometime..it's the best time to pick up women!

Ken: What, you mean night? No duh.
David: It is supposed to say "way" or "method" or something.
Jimbo: Let them blow off steam, they need it.

] *THE END*

David, Jamie, Ken: [singing] Hal-le-lu-lah...
Jimbo: Not yet...
David, Jamie, Ken: SHIT!

] Well, that's the end of my story.

Jamoie: Then stop talking.

] I think that anyone who hates this story is an ignorant peon.

David: This from a boy who thinks that you urinate during an orgasm.

] I also would like to thank Feldspar Antaeus, he is my inspiration...

Jamie: Who?!
Ken: Oh God, Jimbo's gonna find one of his fics, isn't he?
Jimbo: Dear God no!

] I love you, man! You taught me how to not accept responsibility if I write a crappy
] story!

Jimbo: Y'know, I think after this story, we should find out who this guy is and introduce
his anus to a baseball bat.
David, Jamie, Ken: OW! [wince]

] I would also like to thank Kefka,

All: Who?

] Oscar,

All: AHHHHH!!!!

] and Satan.

Ken: [Flatslab] Who directly inspired my writings.
Jimbo: I should probably say something, but I have a scary feeling that you're right...

] Thanks much, it wouldn't be possible without you guys.

Jamie: [Flatslab] O Lo...[normal] No way, even _I_ can't say that!

] So remember, if you don't like this story, you stink, and I don't care about you.

David: Showing us your trademark maturity one more time, eh Flatslab?

] -Icarus Flatslab ([email protected])
] --

David: MonkeySpank.net?
Jimbo: Basically, yeah. Explains a lot, doesn't it?
Ken: Let's just get as far away from the fic as possible, please.
[Everyone, Jimbo included, runs from the theater in panic.]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[Back in the main room, David is firmly entrenched on the computer again, Jamie and Ken
are snacking on some Ramen noodles, and Jimbo is calling the shipping company.]

Jamie: Eyuch! I feel so dirty after that! Eww!

Ken: Hey, we survived, didn't we? None of us puked.

Jamie: Mainly because of the unintentional humour. Peepee...

Ken: Boobies...

Jamie: Beer nymphs!

[Jamie and Ken collapse in laughter. Cut to...]

Jimbo: [talking into Blip] Whadya mean, you can't take them!

Shipping Clerk: [voice only] Hey buddy, you know how much it costs to get a man all the
freakin' way out there?! We ain't going back! Consider them a Christmas present!

Jimbo: What if I could get them there myself?!

[Blip beeps as the call is cut short.]

Jimbo: Dammit!

[He looks over, and the mending suits happen to catch his eye. Jimbo grins.]

[Cut to outside. The castle-ish Summer House O' Doom is nearby, with the perpetual dark
sky and lightning flashes, but the crew is standing outside of that area. Jamie and Ken
are in the suits, Jimbo is standing nearby, and David is standing by what looks like a
miniature catapult and the crate of CDs some distance away.]

Jimbo: Okay, I get first shot. [yelling to David] Pull!

[David flips the trigger on the catapault. A NSYNC CD flies into the air, flying to the
left of the other three MiSTies. Jimbo whips his Blip arm up to face, and an orange bolt
of energy shoots from the raised wheel. The bolt strikes its target dead on, sending a
shower of plastic down in the general area.]

Jimbo: Hit! C'mon guys, you've got to try this. The suits have been reset to blow up
plastic.

Jamie: [through suit speaker] Will it work on Britney Spears?

Ken: [raising not-so-mending blaster, yelling through suit speaker] Pull!

[Another CD goes flying. Ken fires a beam and singes it. It lands just short of the SHD,
getting destroyed by a bolt of lightning.]

Jimbo: Not a bad outcome either way.

[More miscellaneous blabbing can be heard, as we FADE OUT]

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So much for cleaning up the MiSTs. But to tell you the truth, I had about as much fun
writing MR05 as I would have getting a double root canal, and apparently it shows. I
started MiSTing for fun, so even if it means being gross, I'm going to have fun with this
dammit! Of course, I had some help in this (*cough*), being the weak-minded one that I am, but in the end, it looks like I made the
right choice. If you don't like this level of MiSTing, there's plenty of tamer authors
out there.

[steps off soapbox] All in all, though, I've been getting good reviews, and occasionally
the very fair critisism. Keep nitpicking me, for the sake of quality, and make sure to
give me some feedback so I know whether or not I'm just taking up space here.

Yeah, I know there's a few too many Mblow0t5 references, but then again, you should have
seen it pre-editing.

Oh, and to MSTies everywhere, KEEP CIRCULATING THE TAPES!

Feelin' fine
- Jimbo