A/B = “I don’t own anyone in here except my self, Dark and Dryakus, Cracker jack has right’s to himself, but I own him. ;)   Some corporation or really rich person owns everything else.  I wish I were rich.  Then I could upgrade my computer and get a car.  Oh well here’s you does of my lame attempt at Riffing.  It was cracker Jack’s idea to write this to go along with my disclaimers.  Epic two.

 

 

          Ballroom and Cracker Jack, along with Dark and Dryakus were sitting around the SOI rescue base dining room table eating noodles and gummi bears.  When suddenly there was a flash of bright light and Cracker Jack and Ballroom were suddenly standing in the viewing room of the Satellite Of Insanity.

          “What the hell happened?  Where are my gummi bears?”  Cracker Jack somewhat screams as he searches frantically around for the missing sustenance.  He searches under chairs and the like.  Suddenly the viewer came to life with the image of the Evil Doctor WB. 

          “Ah well well, now that you are both here you may join these lovely losers in their tortures.”  WB points to the six people taking up the front row.  He smiles menacingly at Them all, then continues.  “I have some true torture of the final fantasy variety, I hope you like it.”

          “Ummm, I guess we won’t be rescuing ya’ll guys for awhile.”  Ballroom says as she ignores Cracker Jack who is searching for his gummi bears.  Aya, then Ash introduce themselves, Yugi introduces himself with Hak Foo and Valmont, while James politely follows suite by introducing himself.  Ballroom then Introduces herself, pointing to cracker Jack when she mentions him.  “I’m Ballroom and That there is Cracker Jack.  He misses his Gummi bears.” 

          Before another word can be said the reel starts, deigning that the fic has been loaded and it’s time for the torture to begin.  Cracker Jack Jumps over a chair and takes the seat next to Ballroom, who’s sitting next to Valmont.  During the jump Cracker Trips and lands face first on the floor.  “Ah, torture at it’s finest.”

          Everyone stares at him for a brief second before returning their attention to the screen. 

 

<Bohimeian Fantasy 7>

 

Ballroom : “Can I go home now?”

Valmont and Hak Foo in unison : “If we can’t, neither can you.”

 

<storyid: 526680>

 

Cracker Jack : “Ohh, this story’s good enough to have it’s own ID.”

James  : “No it’s just old enough to have it’s own ID.”

 

<Author: Kiki-sama - G - English - Humor ->

Hak Foo : “ What Language would it be in?”

Ballroom : “Probably in the language it was released in.”

Cracker Jack:  “At least it’s not Kinki Sama.”

Valmont Shudders.

 

<1 Bohemian Fantasy 7>

Everyone gawks sarcastically. : “Ohhhhh.”

<Dedicated to: Toe> 

Ballroom : “Which toe?”

Cracker Jack : “Probably the middle toe.”

Hak Foo : “KinKi Sama has monkey feet?”

Ballroom Smacks Hak Foo.

<W/ Special thanks to: Mama-chan for getting me the lyrics (which may not be right),>

Cracker Jack : “That’s right, what you’re doing is called bootlegging!  Left, right, left left right right, left. Where’s my shoe?”

Valmont :  “I thought it was called Plagiarism?”

Aya finally says something.  :  “Same thing.”

 

<Vincent for the blackmail copy of the tape,>

Ballroom :  “Their Black mailing Queen!?”

Ash : “I don’t think I want to know now.”

Yugi : “I never wanted to know.”

 

<and Sephiroth for not killing me [yet], but once he sees this, your favorite writer shall have returned to the lifestream! Farewell, world!>

Cracker Jack :  “She’s not my Favorite writer!  Ballroom is my favorite writer!  How dare she……”

Ballroom throws massive duck tape over Cracker Jack’s mouth while grinning at the others who are now looking at her in concern.

 

<1.1 Scene:>

 

Ballroom : “What happened to 1.0 Scene?”

Cracker Jack :  “MMMphff Fff mph”

Valmont and Yugi ask in unison : “What’d he say?”

Ballroom response for Jack while he nods his head.  :  “He ate it.”

 

<1.2 As Cloud and the others prepare to face Sephiroth, >

Hak Foo : “They had their back to him?”

Ballroom : “No, Sephiroth had his back to them.  How else would they know to face him.  Hello”

 

<they come upon a silver and black CD player.>

Cracker Jack removed the tape to respond. :  “That has to be one messy CD Player.”

Everyone just stares at him a moment, then Ballroom smacks him muttering something before they all return their attention to the screen.

Cracker Jack : “Yes mistress.”

 

<When Cloud touches it, it begins playing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.>

Ash :  “I wouldn’t start playing if some guy touches me!”

Valmont : “Bet Yugi would though”

YuGi : “I would not!”

 

<Sephiroth is behind them, standing on a huge ass rock.>

Hak Foo : I thought they were about to face Sephiroth, but Sephiroth wasn’t facing them…?”

Ballroom :  “They keep tripping over the CD player”

Cracker Jack  :  That must hurt, or maybe they’re just slipping in it.?” 

 

<He is smiling. Instead of his Masamune on his back, there is a silver and black guitar.>

Ballroom : “Look it’s the cover of a Jim Steinman Cd.”

Everyone looks at her like she’s insane save for Cracker Jack.

 

<1.3 Queen:>

Cracker Jack : “The newest version available now on CD.”

 

<1.4 Is this the real life, or only Final Fantasy>

Valmont and Aya in sing song unison : “Just the ultimate nightmare.”

Cracker Jack : “God help us were in a torturous scene.”

Ballroom in sing song voice : “And It’s only just begun.”

Yugi and Ash :  “God help us please.”

James. “Oh Why can’t we be blasting off again.”

 

<Caught in the kiddie slide, no such thing as reality>

Ballroom : “Reality sucks!”

Cracker Jack : “Reality would be better than this crap.”

Valmont :  “Go On a Diet!”

 

<Open your Mako eyes, and look at the reddened sky and see>

Ballroom, Joint in hand so she can take this :  “The visine”

Cracker Jack : The skies on the rag?”  Looks to Ballroom.  “Hey pass that shit!”

YuGi.  :  “On The what?  Pass what?” 

<She was a poor girl, who needed no sympathy>

Cracker Jack : “So that’s what happened to the sky!!”

Everyone looks to Cracker Jack and Ballroom falls to the floor in maniacal laughter.

 

<And one had just come, one acted as if 'he had to go'>

Cracker Jack :  “ooooohhhhhhhh.”  Makes squirting sound.

Everyone moves away from Cracker Jack while Ballroom is still laughing on the floor.

Valmont : “I told him to get some depends”

 

<One got high, the other felt low>

Ballroom, who made it back to her seat. : “Oh yeah Baby, we all high up here”

Cracker Jack is suddenly on his knees before Ballroom, Feeling low with his tongue.

Everyone stares in incredulity at the antics of the two.

 

<Anyway the wind blows, didn't really matter to me.>

Hack Foo :  “Matters to me.”

Valmont agrees.  :  “Lets take a vote for all who agree that it matters” 

Seven confirmations, and one muffled respond.  Everyone stares at Cracker Jack and Ballroom.  Cracker Jack now standing and Ballroom on her knees.

Aya Yells :  “If we can’t have any fun, neither can you two.”

Ballroom and cracker Jack are separated.

 

<Cloud:

Mama, I'm about to kill a man>

Ballroom jumped out of her seat:  “Shoot it!  I can’t take it anymore!” 

Yami Yugi stands up out of nowhere.  Calling on his powers of the shadow realm, he summoned the Dark magician.  It failed to work, Then he sat down in defeat.

 

<Put my sword near his head, slash forward, and he'll be dead>

Cracker Jack, who’s now sitting next to Aya :  “Oh first it’s a bad remake of the song, but do they have to put Queen’s  personal life in it!?”

Ballroom who’s still sitting next to Valmont :  “Then it wouldn’t be torture would it?”

 

<Mama, life had just begun, but now he had to take it all away!>

James :  “Why can’t they take this story away like that?”

Cracker Jack : “What would you prefer they show, the one with you and Giovanni.”

Ballroom Laughs :  Hahahaha

Ash : “ohhh, he told you”

James looks mortified and shuts up.

 

<Aeris, didn't mean to let you die!”>

Ballroom. : “By this fic”

YuGi :  “But we can’t turn it off!”

Cracker Jack :  “Where’s the off switch?  Where’s the off switch?  Must turn off the pain!!!”

<Tifa, If I'm not back this time tomorrow, "I'll be gone, so carry on">

Ballroom :  “at the bar.”

Cracker Jack  “That’s all nice and wet.”

<Nothing will even matter.>

Valmont : “Save the alcohol in my hand!”

<Sephiroth:

Too late, your time has come.>

Cracker Jack :  “Ah yeah, come on baby, Suck it!”

Aya edges away slowly from Cracker Jack.

<Sending shivers down your spine, your body will soon be mine>

Cracker Jack : “Come hither, your body is mine now. Hahaha!”

Ballroom :  “I Knew Sephiroth was Gay!”

Valmont and Yugi Grab each other each other in fear : “I’m scared”  YuGi agrees, then Valmont and Yugi simultaneously look at each other then let go.  They sat down, hoping no one noticed. 

<Say goodbye to everybody, you're about to go>

Ballroom :  “To the Bathroom.”  She gets up ready to leave.

Evil WB’s voice comes from over the loud speaker.  “Sit back down, there are empty pop corn boxes for your use at you’re disposal!”

Hak Foo : “Ewww, at least give her a cup or something.”

Cracker Jack : “Can I watch.”

<Leave them all behind and face truth! Ha Ha!>

Cracker Jack : “But I don’t want to leave my mistresses ass behind.  It’s so fine.”

Ballroom :  “The truth is terrifying.”

James.  “The truth sucks”

Cracker Jack  and Ballroom retort. : “Just like you do.”

James  O_O

<Cloud:

Mama! Ohhhh! I didn't want you to die!

I sometimes wish we never met at all!>

Ballroom :  “I’ve heard of never wanting to be born.  But never wanting to meet your mother?”

Cracker Jack : “Would you rather your father have you then?”

Valmont : “Don’t look at me!  I’m just as stupefied as you are.”

Aya : “Your always stupid!”

 

<Tifa:

I see the silhouette of the pizza-man!>

Ballroom : “Lets jack the pizza man!!!!”

Cracker Jack : “So now we have to eat a shadowy pizza?”

Yugi : “No, you just have to eat the pizza In the shadow realms.”

Ash : “Doof wipe”

 

<Barret:

1.5 Scala-moosh! Scala-moosh! I want a mango!>

Everyone falls to the floor in hysterical laughter so they cannot riff this line, save James.  James does a quick change into the Flamenco dancer with a fruit hat on, castanets, then starts dancing around and singing a mixture of  cucaracha and bobbalo.  Everyone edges away from James, except cracker Jack who inches forward.   

<Scene:

1.6 Everyone just looks at him for a moment.>

Everyone stares at James in fear, while Cracker Jack tries to cop a feel.  James slaps him.  “You pervert!”

 

<Sephiroth:

1.7 Send a bolt of lightning, a very, very frightening thing!> 

Cracker Jack.  “Can I have a lighter please Mistress?”

Ballroom : “No!”

Cracker Jack :  “Damn”

<[Kills Pizza- man w/ Bolt3]> 

Ash : “They burned the pizza!”

Yugi : “No they just killed the pizza man, the pizza’s fine.”

Cracker Jack leaps from his seat to the back rows, gone from sight.
< Cid:

1.8 F*%$ing Galileo! Galileo! Figuro!>

Suddenly a figure dressed all in green and Black emerges with the letters SC on the suite. He shoots a sticky string substance from his hand to the view screen.  He tripped on the seats, then swinging from the webbing to land hard, face first into the viewer and it cracks.  Everyone stares in wonder. 

Shendu screams out. :  “Not even I could do that. 

< Yuffie:

1.9 I-ishmilna? No! We shall not let you go! >

Ballroom screams dramatically.: “I wanna Go home!!!!”

Cracker Jack speaks, as he picks himself up off the floor, much to Ballroom’s annoyance: “I can Blast us off!”

 

< Sephiroth:

1.10 Of that, I do not know! >

Ballroom and Valmont speak in unison.:  “We know it still no.”

James looks at the screen blank like.:  “I always feel like that.”

 

< Tifa/ Barret:

1.11 Ishmilna, no! You shall not go! >

Aya : “Because you must suffer through this.”

 

< Sephiroth:

I don't know!!>

Cracker Jack :  “I know nothing! Nothing!”

Ash :  “Just like James.”

< Cloud:

Oh, no! You shall not go! >

Valmont hollered out.  :  “You can’t keep us here forever.” 

< Sephiroth:

I don't knooooooooowwwwwww. >

Ballroom stands and sings out.  :  “Because I skipped Schoooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

< Everyone:

1.12 Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! >

Everyone screamed : “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.”

 

<Vincent:

1.13 Mama Mia! Mama Mia! >

Ash :  “I wanna Go Hooome!” 

<Sephiroth:

1.14 Jenova has put her sights on me!! [going insane]> 

Ballroom : “Thank god it wasn’t me!!”

<On me! On me! On meeeeeeeeee!!>

Aya mutters: “That’s just sick.”

<Scene:

Guitar solo plays and Sephiroth unhooks his. He starts head banging and bangs his head on the guitar. He swears. Cloud also pulls a guitar out of nowhere and plays.>

Ballroom :  “I don’t know Wanna know where Cloud man’s Guitar came from.” 

Hak Foo :   “Notice he is banging his guitar with his head.”

Aya : “Sick, it’s Sick.”

<Scene:

Sephiroth hits Cloud in the head with the guitar. Knocks Cloud out.>

Valmont : “Easier to kill him that way.”

<Sephiroth:

1.15 [in calm whisper] Doesn't really matter, anyone can see.>

Cracker Jack, who happens to be hanging from the ceiling. :  “I don’t wanna See!!!”

<[looks up, evil insane look in his eyes] doesn't really matter.>

James says in a bored voice.:  “SO you say.”

Valmont :  “It should matter.”

Ballroom.  “It always matters, just some people don’t know it.”

<[smiles evilly] . to me.>

Aya:  “Why do people Smile evilly to themselves?”

Cracker Jack:  “So they can see how evil they truly are.”

Ballroom :  “I don’t need to see myself to know how truly evil I am.”

Everyone stares at her a moment.

 

<Scene:

Meteor is seen over head. Meteor falls on the earth right at the part with the gong. BANG! >

 

Everyone stares at the screen for a moment.

<

>

 

Everyone erupts in Cheer. 

Ballroom :  “The best part of the song!!!”

Cracker Jack is jumping around, unnoticed by all. :  “Ding dong the witch is dead, the witch is dead.”

 

Everyone goes out side the theater after being released.  Ballroom goes straight to the kitchen to find noodles and Coffee.  Cracker Jack Is busy stringing his web like substance all over the place. Everyone else is gathered at the dinner table watching Cracker Jack swing around the room.  And from there on things deteriorated. 

          Aya and Yugi were discussing the finer points of land based monsters to Kung Fu warriors.  Then the WB Light went off.  Ballroom growled and Kicked the lever repeatedly as the Mad WB’s visage showed upon the large screen.  “So how did we enjoy our suffering precious little Ballroom?” 

          “Unfulfilling.”  Cracker Jack started mumbling as Ballroom turned to face the Mad with a scowl to rival that of scowls.    Cracker started to swing out the door muttering about horns holding halos. 

          “What he meant was it wasn’t what it could have been.”  Ballroom glared at the screen, stirring her coffee absent mindedly she responded.  “But other than that I barely paid any attention, the real men had my attention.” 

          “That was low even for you.”  WB responded as he looked to Valmont for his report.  “And what does Our Two In One Special have to say.” 

          “Well…”  Valmont paused and looked around at the shrugs and all the indifferent attitudes he got.  The responses he got all the time were the same from WB, and he still wasn’t sure what WB’s reaction was the first time.  “We believe we would have rather been charred to death by every flaming Pokemon ash has and Shendu at the same time.  Plus whatever glorifying flaming torture we must endure.”

          “Well that sums that Up.”  Aya said with a devious smirk.  Everyone else just nodded while Ballroom shrugged working on her second thirty two ounce coffee.  Spider Crack who had mysteriously appeared on the station, was busy wondering around looking for villains. 

          “Very well then, I’ll have to try harder to get a worse off fic.  Hmmmm.  Do the words tentacles mean anything to any of you?”  WB asked as he glanced around the bridge, then just before his image disappeared and his amused words floating to them like silent doom.  “That’s all the answer I need.” 

          Cracker Jack suddenly bounds in.  Confused.  “I was unconscious and suddenly I heard some say tentacles and got really scared!”  Cracker glanced at the horrified looks on everyone’s faces’.  “Did miss something?”

          “Yeah.”  Ballroom took a sip of coffee, then continued to speak.  “Something about Fiction with tentacles.  And the expressions here sealed their doom.” 

          “Remind me why I’m happy Sharon Li and Jackie Chan aren’t here.  We’d be doomed all the time.”  Cracker said as he sat down.

          “So why are you two here?”  Valmont asked as he took a seat at the kitchen table.  Ballroom Finished the coffee Pot off and started a fresh one while Cracker Ransacked the kitchen looking for gummi bears. 

          “Well, WB is a little Upset I won’t marry him.  I was just at dinner with Dark, Dryakus, and CJ here when Suddenly we were here.”  Ballroom said, then downed half her coffee. 

          “I dunno why I’m here, must’ve got caught in the crossfire when he sent her here.”  He said as he found the Drink machine.  He grinned and grabbed a cup to start trying all the different flavors. 

          “How’s Dark taking it?”  Hak Foo asked standing against the wall. 

“I don’t know, but I bet you it’s not good.”  Ballroom Gazed at him all starry eyed as she responded, then the incoming transmission button flashing broke their conversation off.  Ballroom Repeatedly kicked the button because it made a cool static sound as each time. 

“Enough Woman!”  Dark yelled as his visage flipped on the screen long enough for her to hear.  She smiled at him then asked.  “Are you ok?  You haven’t been hurt much have you?” 

“Not much, Just bad vidfics, and that and they separated me and cracker Jack.”  Ballroom said pointing to the others. 

“And that’s a bad thing?”  Dark asked, with a sigh he continued.  “Well,  we will hasten the spaceship, which Dryakus and I have decided we are mixing the technology with Magic.  Hopefully we should reach you in the next month or so.”  Dark Trailed off. 

“Call me when you have a working plan.  Until Then we need to figure out where cracker and the poor sap I kick out of their room is to sleep.”  Ballroom Finished, taking a sip of coffee. 

“Very well then.”  Dark said as he closed the communications down.  Everyone glanced at Each other, then sighed, It was going to be fun to figure out where the new arrivals would be sleeping.