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Quotes
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"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."
- Homer Simpson
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
- Rita Mae Brown
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
- Edgar Bergen
"A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death, which was the third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give the eulogy."
- Jerry Seinfield
"A good rule of thumb is, if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error."
- Dennis Miller
"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed at you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."
- Gene Perret
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