You Oughta Know By: Kyoryoku Nazo /I want you to know/ It was the year After Colony 197. The war was over. :It's over. Everything.: Duo collapsed back onto the bed, clutching a picture to his chest. :I never...told..him...: As if it hurt his hands, he slowly unclenched his fist to reveal the picture once more. It was a picture of Heero. :...that I loved him.: Heero and Relena. On their wedding day. /That I'm happy for you/ :Why did I ever go to that damn wedding? For him or course. He wanted me to look him in the eyes and tell him everything was okay. Tell him that I supported him.: /I wish nothing but/ :So I smiled and nodded.: /The best for you both/ :Told him everything he wanted to know. I suppose that those nights I spent in his arms meant nothing to him. He loves her.: Again he crumpled the picture, this time hurtling it across the room. Never in a million years did he expect the Perfect Solider to shower him with passion and love. Although in some dark corner in his mind, that's what he wished for more than anything in the universe. :I was just company.: Tugging at his braid in frustration, he got up to pace the room again. But he stopped as soon as the roots of his hair felt the strain. :He used to pull on my hair when we made lo-: But he cut his own thought off, wincing back tears. :It wasn't love-making to him. We fought in a war together. The only bond he felt was that towards someone as frightened as he was. Like if we both survived a plane crash together or something.: Anger rose from the pain as Duo let his braid go like it was something vile. /An older version of me?/ :Relena: He shuddered. "He abandoned me for HER?!" Just the thought of it all made him want to scream. :Apparently he didn't MIND being with me.: No, it wasn't that Duo was a guy. "Dammit! What does she have that I don't?!" He knew it was immature sounding. But he didn't know what else to say. That's all it came down to. /Is she perverted like me?/ In a sudden burst of frustration, he threw the door open and headed down the hall. :They've been married for two weeks so I'm sure the bitch has managed to get into his pants by now.: He remembered the first time he had. Stopping to brace his arm against the wall, he let the wave of pleasure cascade over his body as he recalled that magical night. :I remember it all...too well.: The heat of Heero's body pressed against his; the wavering gentlness of his lips; the soft pants in his ear. Forcing his body to obey, Duo steadied himself and took off again down the hallway. /Would she go down on you in theater?/ 'But it wasn't just that night, was it Duo?' his conscience nagged him. With a slight grunt of indignance he shook off that annoying inner voice. :But it's right. It was like every time we were alone together...: Another wave passed over his body and he stiffled a moan at the memory. With clenched fists he tried in vain to surpress it, but it came back with a vengence. A mission on the L4 colony. He and Heero had taken up residence in a ratty hotel and were out wandering the streets. Cheap disguises, fake names, the works. He remembered the innocent look of questioning on Heero's face as they passed a smutty movie place in the more run-down parts of the colony. With fawned innocence himself, Duo suggested they go check it out. 'Back to reality boy' he told himself sternly. Regaining the anger he felt before, he passed through the door and headed down the stairs towards the lobby of the dorm. /Does she speak eloquently?/ Their house wasn't far from here. :She wanted a mansion. Of course Heero couldn't stay and live with ME when he was married to HER.: Once outside, Duo winced at the noon sun. Pulling his hat out from beneath his belt to shield the light, he made his way towards his car, ignoring the shouts he got from other students. /And would she have your baby?/ :Where am I even going?: he asked himself over and over. Glancing around the inside of his car, he caught site of another picture. This one was of Heero and HIM. With an undeserved grin of victory, he tossed his braid aside. There was a time when he thought Heero would want to stay with him when the war was over. Form a more permanent and serious relationship. Maybe even have children someday... :You're kidding yourself Maxwell.: Of course Heero wasn't smiling in the picture. Just standing their with his usual stone-statue pose while Duo was draped over him grinning like a fool. /I'm sure she'd make a really execelent mother/ With pain in his heart, Duo recalled his plans for later today. He was supposed to go to a party at Quatre's closest family mansion. This wasn't too out of the ordinary, but Trowa had talked to him about it and the conversation left him feeling more alone than ever before. :Trowa's gonna ask Quatre to marry him.: he thought bitterly. :I've never seen Trowa actually get excited about something before. I guess things change when you fall in love.: In a sharp motion, he turned onto an old dirt road and shoved his foot down on the gas, taking his anger out on the road. Eventually, he had to stop and breathe for fear that he'd crash into something. Tears were in his eyes. He just couldn't shake that thought he had earlier about Heero and...her. :Get used to it: he told himself icily. :They're married now, they're gonna fuck. Get used to it.: He'd actually talked to Heero about having children before, although the subject was never up in the air for long. :She probably doesn't even want kids.: /Cause the love that you gave that we made/ Sobbing hopelessly onto the steering wheel, Duo tried with no sucess to regain composure of himself. Sure the pain was there when Heero told him that he was going to marry Relena. :The night I was going to tell him. Tell him that I loved him.: It was there when he stood by Heero's side at the wedding. The side of the best-man. Not the side he wanted to stand at. :I had it all worked out too. I had diner reservations and everything. I was going to tell him.: And it was there when Heero came by the next afternoon to get his stuff. But now... Now he was alone. Heero wasn't even here to hurt him. He was simply alone. /Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no/ Finally, he was able to right himself enough to drive. He still wasn't thinking too clear, and he was still coughing sobs. :But I can drive now. And I think I know where I'm going.: /And every time you speak her name/ Turning back onto the main road, Duo tossed his hair out and wiped the last of the tears with the back of his hand. :He never even gave me a warning though. I always thought he hated her. Everyone know's why he didn't kill her the few times he had the chance to. But still, he always told me that he despied the woman.: The sun had moved to a position where he no longer needed the hat to see clearly, so he tossed it off onto the empty passenger seat. :The party starts at ten. I've got plently of time.: He told himself in a monotone almost as lifeless as Heero's. He'd driven a little further before curiosity caught up with him. Pulling over to the side of the road, he reached around and flipped open his cell phone. Dialing the number he knew by heart, he tapped his fingers nervously as the phone rang a few times. The wind left his lungs as he heard who had picked up. "Hello?" "He..Heero! Hey man! It..it's me!" stammered Duo, trying to mock his usual carefree tone. Before either of them could continue however, a voice was heard in the background. Duo gritted his teeth at the henuous sound. "Heero? Who is it Heero?" "Oh, Relena," started Heero. /Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died/ "It's just Duo," Heero might as well have thrust his hand into his chest and ripped his heart out. :Just Duo. It's just Duo. Nothing special here, just your husband's first lover. JUST DUO!: Choking back new tears, the American managed to get a few more words out, "I was just calling to see what's going on, you know, nothing too important." /Till you died/ "Aa," returned his former partner, "Say, are you going to that party of Quatre's tonight?" "Um yeah, I'll be there," Relena could still be heard in the background, giggling about something. Trying to ignore her, Duo went on. "You know...I..I just called to see what's going on..how you are and stuff," "You don't sound to good Duo. Have you been sleeping well?" Duo nodded slowly about five time before his brain kicked in and told him that Heero couldn't see that. "Um yeah, I guess, look Heero, I really need to talk to you if you've got the time," :TELL HIM!: screamed his mental voice. "Relena looks excited about something, just a sec," replied Heero, obviously covering the receiver with his hand. Muffled sounds could be heard, mostly her stupid giggling. He took his hand away soon enough for Duo to catch the end of the conversation. "Again?" Heero sighed followed by more childish laughter and the unmistakible sound of sheets rustling. "Hey, Duo man, I've gotta go. I'll see you tonight." The phone clicked before Duo even opened his mouth. /But you're still alive/ Staring blankly into the distance, he felt like his soul was gone. :Did he say...what I think..and her, and them..: "Oh God!" he screamed, kicking hard and hitting his foot against the underside of the steering wheel. "Shit!" he yelled bending down to soothe his foot only to smack his head on the wheel itself. Choking back tears of anger and frustration, he pulled back out onto the street like a mad-man. /And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away/ "How dare he!" screamed the God of Death, tearing down the highway like an ironic and badly timed joke about his life; a true bat out of hell. At the moment he didn't know who he was more angry at. Heero for leaving, or Relena for making him. "He didn't have to leave!" he hissed through clenched teeth. "It's her fault! It's his fault! IT'S EVERYONE'S FAULT!" Death himself was on the road that afternoon, paying no heed to the road signs and ignoring the shouts of other drivers. Reaching once more for his hat, he narrowed his eyes and slammed his foot to the floor. Violet fire burned in his eyes surrounded by the crystalline aura of tears. /It's not fair/ Meanwhile, Heero set the phone down and turned to face Relena. "He sure didn't sound well at all," Heero mused aloud. "What?" "Nothing, nothing," "Come on then," she replied, patting the bed beside her. "I..I need some fresh air," answered the former pilot, making his way out of the room as quickly as he could. /To deny me/ As Duo screeched down the open road, his shouts of passionate angst were interupted by a soft tapping sound. Ever so slowly, he glanced up to see a silver crucifix dangeling from the rear-view mirror. Apparently, the harsh driving had caused the chain to unwind and hang loose. Duo grasped at his neck, realizing that it wasn't his cross wrapped around the mirror. Not even giving it a second thought, he put his eyes back on the road, letting his foot sink down even further on the accelerator. /Of the cross I bear that you gave to me/ Duo almost missed the turn as the street he'd been aiming for came into view. As the massive house on the horizon appeared, he prepared himself for the greeting he'd probably get. He knew that sometimes, you just had to throw yourself into a situation and think it out as it happened. He didn't want to see Relena. Ever. But he knew he's have to if he was ever going to talk to Heero again. He owed it to himself. And the part of his mind that had surfaced as he turned into the drive-way knew that. /You, you, you oughta know/ With the driving skills of a true Gundam pilot, he skidded to a stop no more than an inch away from the huge decorative fountain in the middle of the driveway. He glanced up at the sky, removing his hat and shielding his eyes at the afternoon sun. :I don't want to miss the party.: he told himself with a sardonic and bitter tone. :Guess I better let myself in.: He'd never actually been to the house before. He sure didn't see a reason to. :Hell, the first time I'd heard Heero's voice since he left the dorm was on the phone back in the car.: Just that made his anger towards Heero grow. :Never once did he bother to see how I was doing.: "Damn him," he muttered under his breath.