| Well yesterday I wrote something, and a friend of mine brought to my attention that I h�d to put it up. So here goed :) *feels the eyes in her back of her character green dawn* |
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I feel so alone sometimes.. Do you feel it? Do you?.. I guess you don't.. It's hard you know.. To be alone without being alone. With people who think they are ready for you, people who think they know you. People who think they love you. But what would happen if they knew your darkest thoughts? Would they back away in complete fear and anxiety? Would they? Would they embrace you? Hold you close like they say they would? No they won't.. they'd tell you to lighten up. Get that frown of your face, life is worth living, isn't it?.. is it..?.. I don't know if it is.. I doubt it.. Have you ever looked somebody in the eye when they said they would be there? I didn't think of asking it before.. I feel so alone sometimes.. Do you feel it? Do you?.. I guess you don't.. When the cold of dark clasps you around the throat and terrified you look up to see yourself holding you, killing you. What would you do? When you fall down in a black pit, and it doesn't end? First there's the rush, that rush that you have, that makes your stomach turn around. Then it sort off becomes.. slow.. even though it goes faster.. The rush stays.. and your insides turn around.. You know that you'll keep falling, but you stay afraid, afraid that it might end and you'd smack down. The pain.. Do you feel it? Do you?.. I don't think so.. I feel it.. I've always felt it.. When I was alone.. When they said they knew how I felt.. then deserted me.. Even when they stay.. they don't understand at all.. They don't want you when your mad.. when your afraid.. when your depressed..They don't want that.. They want you to help them.. to smile.. to be happy.. While you break from the inside out. It hurts so much. Even when you tell them they don't listen. You listen to them. You think it'll pass, you know it'll pass, that's what they always say.. isn't it?.. it is.. but it doesn't.. After so much time you come to find out that it was just locked up.. You don't feel it anymore but it was there, part of you. As it always had been.. even though you kept it at bay for such a while. You feel the pain again, a nagging.. Half of you is gone.. your feeling is gone... you turn numb.. Do you feel it? I don't anymore.. You think you understand now don't you? But you don't.. You see.. your happy.. even though you aren't.. You are.. but you don't want to know it.. don't want to know what? Both. You don't want to be depressed.. you don't want to sink away, don't want to know.. and don't want to know that you are happy.. that it's so simple.. And yet the pain returns.. again.. and again.. it nags you when your happy.. and hit's you when your alone.. Do you feel it? - I feel it.. How is it? - Painfully alone.. ......... |