So I actually talked to my ex-boyfriend on the phone for 2 hours Thursday night, right before he left for Afghanistan. It was...a good talk I'd say. He said some stuff that was unneccesary and made me feel...well...I can't really describe it. Like I wasn't supposed to feel anything for him anymore, just because he says so. But he finally made me understand what made him make this decision and that it actually didn't really have anything to do with me, like it sounded in his last email. And I hate to say his reasons actually made a lot of sense. Which still doesn't make things better, but at least it gave me some kind of peace. So we probably won't ever get back together, which is his decision, but at least he wants to stay friends, and that was HIS decision, too. I don't know if it'll really work, but I - for my part - will try. I guess it's really gonna be hard, at least for me, trying to get the picture of him as my boyfriend out of my head and seeing him just as a friend, but it'll come with time I hope.

So Julie's unemployed again. I don't know, but lately as soon as I think I got one problem solved the next is just waiting to happen. =( She's in a really ugly fught with her ex-boss and so I have to help her get her money and everything. And I have so many problems myself that I have to take care of.=/

I can't do this. I just can't. I thought it was supposed to get better each day, and it just gets worse. I begged him to give me a chance today, I never thought I'd do something like that. I just can't let him go like this. He isn't going to change his opinion anyway, but I don't wanna give him up without fighting. If he would just let me. Every try I make he just ignores or says "I'm sorry" and thinks things are gonna resolve themselves like that. He's leaving in like 2 days and I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself after he's gone. I'm doubting everything again at the moment. Me, my choice of college, my job choice - my whole life. Why doesn't anything ever go right with me longer than 2 or 3 months? Why can't I just be happy without something bad happening as soon as people seem to realize I'm happy? I just don't get it. I don't know why I can't be lucky just once in my life. ='(

So this Friday it finally happened. My boyfriend broke up with me. He didn't even have the decency to do it personally, I got a litte sms (only after I kinda pushed him to tell me his decision), kinda talking around the subject. So I sent him a really mean email saying things I didn't really mean only to hurt him as much as he hurt me. And like 2 hours after I sent it I regretted it already. So I apologized today and wished him good luck for Afghanistan (he's leaving this week), asking him to give me an address where I can send his stuff - and he totally ignores me again. =( So friday I read his break-up sms at 6am. So much for sleeping in. I decided spontaneously to go home, so at 9am I was on the train where I stayed until yesterday. Everything was kinda alright as long as I was busy, but my parents brought me back here and left - and I was sitting here crying my eyes out again. ='( I wish it would have ended differently, that we at least could have stayed some kind of friends, which we had been before we got together, too. But maybe it's just too hard, seeing that we both still have feelings for each others, and (silly, silly reason) the circumstances just aren't right for us. =(

I should do some stuff for college, but I just can't get myself to do it. I'm waiting for an email from one of my professors, but he just won't write back. I hate that, I need to know what I gotta do and I won't know it until he mails back. =P So I go online to pass some time, and what happens? My probably-still-boyfriend is online and I'm coward enough not to talk to him. Not even a minute after I go online he's gone. =( I don't know if it was because of me, but I guess so. Guess I gotta talk to him sometime this week (which probably means I'm gonna be single again on Tuesday or so), and I'm scared shitless. I read all the stuff we have been writing each other again this morning and I just started bawling again. I hate that. And I hate to know that with a 99% chance he's gonna break up with me this week. =( Life sucks. I wanna go back home. Whenever I think things start to go right something happens. Why doesn't anything ever go right with me?

Bureaucrats. So they didn't grant my Baf�G-application because of reasons only known to them I guess. Means around 80 bucks less a month. Great. Really great. I guess I'm gonna oppose to it. I want my money. Period.

I'm gonna get my wall unit on Friday, only thing is I'm not home. Great. So I called and wanted to get another delivery date and they wouldn't wanna give me one. Well, alright, so I guess I'm not gonna get my wall unit and they're not gonna get their money or what? Maybe I can persade Julie to work only Friday night, then she would be home at least...

We were supposed to have some workman over today and I overheard the doorbell again. I hate that thing, it's so quiet you pretty much only hear it when you're in the living room. I hope we don't have to pay for them driving over in vain now =/

So y'all can see it's been a perfect day again =P K, I gotta stop. Conny's coming over in half an hour and I promised to cook something for us. Let's hope the rest of the day is gonna be better than the beginning was. At least my fucking migraine seems to be gone...

By the way, a whole bunch of new photos are up! Go check out all the sections!

So yesterday...or the day before...or it was Wednesday, I can't even remember....Anyway, so I got up in the morning and opened the balcony door to let some air inside, and outside there were gunshots (Okay folks, calm down, forget the horror scenarios you were just creating, there's a reasonable explanation for them). I knew we had an army base nearby, but I never heard them shoot and I actually thought that the base stood empty. Well, obviously it didn't. But to get to the point, so I stood there and listened to the gunshots and...(yeah, I never thought I'd say that sometime either)...and I missed home. I'm so used to waking up to bombing and gunshots (yeah, I'm also aware that that sounds weird), at home it was annoying for a while, but after almost 2 decades you got used to it, but here? Just reminded me of home. And of course of my army job, which I really miss more and more each day. Cuz studying is a hell of a lot more boring and boring and boring. I wanna go back there and I can't and I hate it. =(

Talking about the army, 10 more days until I can finally (hopefully) talk to my boyfriend. =/ Things are still weird and unresolved, he hasn't mailed me in like a week and I haven't seen or really talked to him in 5 weeks now. I'm so scared of what might happen when we see each other again. =( I mean, I guess I know what's gonna happen, so I'm really dreading the talk. Better not talk to him and see him at all and convincing myself I still have a boyfriend instead of talking to him and knowing I don't have one anymore =(

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to AUDREY and HAPPY HALLOWEEN to everyone else! Franzi, hope your party's banging!

I'm bored. It's a saturday night and I'm home alone again, doing nothing but hanging in front of the TV and doing basically nothing. It's not like I don't have anything to do, I could do a lot of different things, I just don't want to. On the other hand, watching TV and being online isn't really all that great either.=P

Still haven't spoken to my boyfriend/ex.boyfriend/maybe-boyfriend/??? yet. He wants to talk to me personally, and since he's still on vacation we can't exactly talk. So I have to wait 2 more weeks. I'm gonna die. There are days in between when I say "So if he really breaks up with me - who cares? Then I had 4 weeks to get accustomed to the thought." And today is one of those days again where I sit here and I'm like "I don't wanna lose him, I'm gonna be so lost without him." I hate this whole situation so much. Why is something like that always happening to me?

The weather fits my mood perfectly today. =( I talked to Cornelia this morning and she was pretty much the only one going against my plan of getting my boyfriend back. And the nasty thing about it is that she probably was totally right with what she told me, but I don't want her to be right. And if she was right I already did the elementric mistakes anyway. =( (Theory supported by the fact that he's online and won't even talk to me) I made the misatke and wrote him an email this weekend telling him what I think about his little scheme, which well...I was really hurt when I wrote it and it sounds like I was about to rip his head off, which I wasn't and which I'm still not. I guess he took that one a little too personal, even though I apologized for it. =/ And she said I contact him too much, he needs me not to contact him to realize what he actually did and to think about everything. But I'm so nervous and I wanna know what's going on, so I write him mails every single day, which - according to Cornelia - is the exact wrong way. I don't know what to do anymore. I think he's ignoring me, cuz it's easier to just forget me, than to think about what I told him. I'd really wish he would once, just once, not be such an emotional coward and do what his heart tells him, instead of his head. =*(

So I guess that was it. I think my boyfriend just broke up with me. Or rather he told me to break up with him, for both of our sakes. He still loves me, but he doesn't see a future for us together. He suddenly wants kids - I don't (which he knew before we even started anything), and suddenly me studying and wanting to work is an obstacle for him. =( And the really ugly thing about it is that we couldn't even have this talk personally, we had to do it via email. How sad is that?

Please somebody shoot me. Please. So everything seemed to get a little calmer with my boyfriend yesterday and today and then I asked him to come by today. I had understood something wrong on monday and thought the only day he was free was thursday, but he actually would've been free today, too. So we had a nice little sms talk, everything seemed to get back to normal when I realized my mistake and asked him to come by today then. And it took him 15 minutes to answer. And the answer was "Well, I would come by, but I actually made plans now". Do you know how many plans I already cancelled just to see him? Cuz I know I don't see him a lot? He's leaving for his vacation on Friday and right after that he's leaving for Afghanistan, so today and tomorrow would have been my last chances to see him. =( But well, seems like he doesn't really wanna see me. I don't know what to do anymore. I like him so, so much and I so don't wanna lose him, but it doesn't seem like I'm on his agenda anymore. =( I hope he's gonna come by tomorrow at least, we so have to talk. And I guess that talk isn't gonna end like I hope it will. I guess tomorrow's gonna be the day I'm gonna be single again =(.

So things straightened out a little over the week. But only a little. Julie and I are talking again. Actually she did as if nothing had ever happened and since I didn't wanna fight again I kept my mouth shut and played along. And she actually did some stuff this week (shopping, garbage etc), so maybe the fight really helped a little.

Boyfriend trouble...well..what can I say. He said he's still my boyfriend I shouldn't worry about that, but he's still barely answering sms. If I'm lucky, I get like one message a day. Didn't see him at all this week and it's only one more week until his vacation starts where I won't see him and afterwards he's gonna be gone for 3 months. =/ I'd really like to get the whole thing (whatever it is) fixed this week, but I have this feeling that...I dunno...it's not gonna work out. This week just kinda showed me that he doesn't trust me. Okay, to give him some credit, we don't know each other that long, so it's his good right not to tell me stuff that's very personal to him, but to shut me comepletely out everytime something happens to him...well...that's not how a relationship should work in my opinion. =( Well, I guess I'll see him sometime this week. Let's see what I get out of him then and then we'll see what's gonna happen I guess =(

We went clubbing last night and let's just say they have really, really weird (and gross) habits here. It was Ladies' Night, so they had some special stuff planned for the ladies which was really...special. This one thing was called "erotic massage". To put it nicely, it looked more like a soft porno than some random guy just massaging a random girl. Really gross. And cheap. =P

K, I gotta go. I have so much college stuff to do this weekend, it's crazy =P

Nothing really works like I want it to yet, but that just kinda fits today =/ Had to enlarge the font, you could barely read anything when it was smaller. I don't really like it that way, but I guess it's gonna stay.

So what happened in the month that I've been gone. A lot actually. So I moved from Bavaria up north (very up north) and I now live about 60 miles south of the coast of the North Sea. I've been studying Communications Management for about 2 weeks now and until now it's alright, but we haven't really done anything special yet, so it's possible that next week or so I'll rant every day how everything sucks here. =) We'll see.

Today's kind of a bad day, I'm having some problems with my boyfriend...well...actually he seems to have the problems, but doesn't wanna tell me about it. Which sucks. Not because I'm nosy and I wanna know, but because I was really scared something had happened to him over the weekend, cuz he didn't write or call, which is really unsusal for him. So he's not telling me, he's just giving me cryptic answers when I ask him and it looks like he's not coming by today like planned either. Great. Exactly how I like my boyfriends to be. =/ Well, I guess I'll just leave him alone if that's what he wants and we'll see. =(

Sonja and Patricia came by to visit me over the weekend and well...let's say I think I bored them to death. ; ) The weather really sucked, it rained almost the whole weekend so pretty much everything I had planned to do with them kinda got cancelled. Probably the last time they'll visit me for a while...lol =)

I'm having war with Juliane again. I don't know, I think moving in with her was one of the worst ideas of my life, just like everybody predicted. She's out like 20 hours of the day, either working (she found a job as a waitress pretty fast) and if she's not working she's just hanging out at the place she's working. Or going out with the people from work. She's only home for showering, washing her clothes ("Oh, I have 3 pairs of dirty socks - I guess I have to wash!") and bringing home a different guy every 3 days or so. I'm cooking, I'm doing the shopping, the cleaning, taking out the garbage, everything. So last night I told her it was her turn to do the cleaning, cuz I had been doing it alone the past few weeks. So what's her answer? "Why should I clean when I'm almost never home? And anyway, it's not dirty." No, it isn't. In the bathroom you can admire our new human-hair-carpet. "I'm not throwing my hair on the floor, so why should I clean them up?" Yeah, alright, and you aren't paying anything for groceries (at least she hasn't until now) so why should you be allowed to eat my food? You haven't paid anything for the washing machine, so why should you be allowed to use it? She's just stupid. I'm really sorry to say that about her, cuz she's my friend (or at least I thought she was), but she is. She had a car accident that weekend and every time I told her to do something she was hurting soooo bad she barely could move. But when the bell rang and one of her colleagues came by she RAN to the door and then suddenly she felt well enough to go out till sometime after midnight. At the moment, I hate her. I really, really hate her.

Hey! I got internet access again! Yay! After about 4 weeks of having none. =) But I was a nice girl and at least I already made the new layout while I was forced to stay offline. I'm not sure if all the links work correctly yet, but I'll check it out. Longer update later today, I promise! So check back in a few hours!

thursday, september 11th

saturday, august 23rd

Julie and I went looking for apartments last weekend and it was...well...kind of a distaster. We got shown the wrong apartments ("And this apartment really has 84m�? It looks so small." "No, it only has 64m�...Oh, did I show you the wrong one?" YES!!!), had offers where the house stood directly next to train tracks ("So, how often do we have to expect a train?" "Oh, only every... 10 minutes or so. But don't worry, after a week or two you won't even hear them anymore!" Yeah, right.) and much, much more. Out of 12 apartments we were shown we like 3. The first one (which I wanted pretty badly, it was just...perfect) we didn't get. The second one we wanted we can't reach anyone until the end of next week, which could be a little late and the third one is still pending, we'll only know approximately by the middle of next week. So I hope we're really getting one of those 2 at least, or we're really fucked. I'm working 2 weeks straight from Monday on, I don't have time to drive up there again and look at other apartments.

K, I gotta stop. Why blog a lot when no one's coming to the site anyway? Big shout out to Franzi and Audrey (Audrey, didn't you get the email I sent you like 2 weeks ago?)! New weeklies are up, too.

monday, august 11th

It's still hotter than allowed outside (well, and actually inside, too). We've had this terrible heat wave for weeks now, I hope they're really right that it's gonna be over on Wednesday. We've had temperatures around 105�F for the last few weeks, which is really unusual here. It seems to be like the hottest summer ever. Don't get me wrong, I like it when it's sunny and warm, but if you can't sleep at night, cuz you feel like you're lying in an oven it's not funny anymore.

friday, august 8th

monday, july 31st

I was hanging around at the Rakoczy festival pretty much all weekend. The "Saale in flames" thingie was really beautiful. They had about 25,000 lights on the river, it looked pretty. Saturday we went to see the balloon glowing, which wasn't really as spectacular as I thought it would be. Okay, so it sucked. Can't always get it right. Sunday we went there again for the firework, and just as the first rocket wnet up it started pouring. We were soaking wet until the whole thing was over 7 minutes later =P

Julie went to the hospital Sunday cuz she had an infection in her hand. She just went home this afternoon. I went to visit her Tuesday, and well...I don't wanna spread any rumors here, but I think they just sent her home cuz they were sick of her. ;o) I guess she got a little annoying...lol =)

I had to do an aptitude test this week for one of the universities I applied to. They got so many applications they had to do one on short notice. It so sucked. It probably would've been kinda easy if I had just gotten out of school, but it's been 2 years since I had to do something like that. Well, we'll see how that turns out...

friday, july 25th

Anyway, I gotta run. I'm meeting Sonja and Melanie for the Rakoczy festival. They're having the "Saale in flames" thingie today (the Saale is a river here, and they're putting thousands of candles on it when it's dark), so ttyl!

sunday, july 20th

New pix up in the gallery, undr "Work pix II"

friday, july 18th

Sandra and I were on the German-American fair yesterday. Well, I'm not exactly sure what the American part of that fair was (except maybe those 2 MPs who were controlling IDs at the entrance), everything else was pretty much for children between the age of 2 and 8 and that was it. =P So it sucked, to make it short. Sandra had her absolutely annoying little niece with her, who was...well...annoying. We had to go to McDonald's with her afterwards, where she got even more annoying (and people wonder why I don't wanna have children). After we got rid of her we decided to go to the movies in the evening and Sandra wanted to ask Julie if she wanted to join us. So we called her and she was all game, but it would take a little while until she would be there, but don't we dare do something without her! So the movie time came and went, and no trace of Julie. So I wrote her an sms asking where she was, what was the answer? "Oh well, I'm not coming". Great. So nice. So I missed out the movie for NOTHING. Thank you very much. =P

Anyway, I gotta get going and do something. Get rid of C. for the afternoon, too, cuz I never get to do anything while I write him.

tuesday, july 15th

Oh, by the way, I have a new nickname: The domina. Now don't ask me how that came up. It started out at our station night last week with my station leader saying I should become a troop psychologist and my 2nd station leader saying "Naw, she'd rather whip us than listen to us" and about 5 minutes later they were ranting and raving about me probably only wearing leather in my free time (and rather explicit description how those leather clothes would look like), so from that night on, every two minutes someone on my station asked me where my whip was. Haha. So funny. The most embarrassing thing was that on our last day all the soldiers and civilians from all stations had to line up and our troop psychologist did those stupid little games with us "to get us out of our roles". And as everybody was quieting down again my station leader yells over half of the place: "Nicole, keep in mind: You're NO DOMINA ANYMORE NOW!" Yeah...you should have seen the others' looks. =/

And I didn't get a green card again this year. I think those guys are cheating. They said there are virtually no people who have to apply 3 times. Well, I seem to be one of those virtually non-existent people. =P

Anyway, so much for a little catching up. I hope I'll the the chance to blog more often again now, so you can start looking more often! =) Alright? Promised? My counter stats aren't moving at all, and that frustrates me. =( I wanna hit the 1000 this month! So y'all need to help me, alright?

friday, june 27th

Wednesday was another one of our infamous station nights, and Wednesday just wasn't my day. In the morning we had nothing to do so I ran around a little exploring the woods around the castle and what happened? I ripped my favorite skirt apart. Pretty much completely and so not repairable. =( So we were supposed to stay out at the castle right after work for the station night, but I convinced someone to drive me back to the base so I could go home and change clothes. So when I came back I sat playing cards with some of the others and what happens? I spill my whole glass of coke over the new skirt I was wearing. Ugh! Max is still annoying me, too. He just doesn't take no as an answer. The thing is he seems to be pretty serious about the whole thing and I just can't keep my mouth shut and I can be pretty mean when someone annoys me, so after half of the night he was sitting there, half-crying and drinking way too much. So did I ever tell you about David? His name's not David, we just call him that. We're....flirting I guess. Nothing serious, he just got dumped by his girlfriend and we're hanging out at the station, but it's just a little flirting, I'm not planning on starting something with him, cuz he's leaving in 2 weeks anyway, and we all know where the last little fling with someone who doesn't live nearby got me. Well, he was also drinking a little. So Max is kinda jealous of David, cuz he sees me hanging around with him so much, so he tried to disturb us any way he could. As soon as David tried to sit down next to me or talk to me he was in between us. It was really annoying. So Max was sitting at our table, complaining that I still don't want him and one of my colleagues that something like "Well, how do you know she doesn't have another guy waiting for her somewhere?" And he was like "Then I'm gonna beat her up." Afterwards he said he wanted to say "beat HIM up", but he said her - and David heard it. So about 10 seconds later they were seconds short of beating each other up. Max had an empty beer bottle, David had his army knife (although I have to defend him, it was really blunt, I was trying to cut something with it the other day). Took me about 10 minutes to get them to calm down.

At the end of the night Max was really drunk and he had noone to drive him home, so we said he should stay with Bertram (who has a room at the base cuz he lives to far away to drive home each day), so we wanted to bring them into the base. We were 6 people in the car, 5 on normal seats, one in the trunk - no one of us had any sort of id to get into the base and the male fraction of us all kind of smelled like beer - I don't have a clue why they even let us in, but they did. =) The funny thing is, though, that Max (drunk like he was) somehow lost Bertram somewhere on the base and just went into a random building, into a random room full of soldiers and just slept there. He didn't know them and if he would have been caught he would've been in so much trouble, but we were laughing our asses off when we heard the story the next morning. =)

Okay, new weeklies are up, too. Gotta go, I gotta get some other stuff done here.

thursday, june 19th

Another thing is that I'm about to kill Julie again. Not literally, it's just...I don't know what to make of her. It's not even really her fault all the time (don't get me wrong, it's her fault A LOT of the times, just not always), it's just... she's really extroverted and cheeky and everything and together with her looks it just gets her everywhere. She can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants and get away with it. What people expect of me is that I'm grumpy, have no sense of humor and am to serious, which isn't true. Most of Julie's jokes are mine, and she just repeats them after me, I'm not grumpy all the time, people just already say I am when I sit there and say nothing and I am serious when the situation calls for it, which Julie can't do at all. She's NEVER serious. I swear, never. Something could be the unfunniest thing in the world and she would laugh about it. I hate that. I have nothing against her being a light-hearted person, but sometimes she can just be plain annoying, cuz she doesn't know when the right time to stop comes either. I don't know, maybe it's having long blonde hair and big boobs that helps her out, but the men on our station usually fall for it. On the one hand I have to say I don't mind, cuz normally it's through her that I get in contact with some of the soldiers, but today was an example again that I don't wanna have repeated. So I was learning how to make marine knots today and those thingies make great keychains, so I made one for myself and some of our soldiers saw it and wanted one, too. So I said okay, I'm gonna make them for them. So while Julie was practically sitting on everyone's laps again I got an "Oh yeah, thanks. What was your name again?" when I gave them their keychains. Julie's running around, ripping name tags off of uniforms and is allowed to keep them, one soldier gave her a complete uniform as a gift today, she's been flirting with one of them like crazy today (the guy's just been left by his fianc�e last week!) and she was all like "Oh he's so cute, I like him so much...yadda yadda." Hello? Her BOYFRIEND's coming back on Sunday. And he's probably gonna be on our station. And he's jealous as hell. I'd be a little careful. It's just...irritating. If I would do what she does every day people would probably tell me "Grow up, don't you think you're a little too old for games like this?" She gets smiles, flirting and phone numbers. I don't know, maybe it's really me, maybe I'm too grumpy, too ugly and too serious. Maybe that's the reason that Julie gets what she wants and I usually get nothing.

sunday, june 15th

saturday, june 7th

I had a talk with Alicia yesterday, who's the only one in my family who knows all the details of what went on with Alex, and wow, what a talk that was. I think she spent half an hour telling me how lucky I can be that he's gone and I can be even happier that I don't have to see him again (together with explicit explanations why that I don't wanna repeat here). Hey, she can calm down, I was really intent on finding another one, I mean we got 20 new soldiers on Monday. Is it my fault that they're all reeeeeally far away from looking something good and most of them behaved really arrogant the whole week through? Even though I have to say the pizza-guy who brought my pizza last night was really cute and looked really nice =) I didn't even know we had such cute pizza-guys. =) Guess I need to order more...lol =)

tuesday, june 3rd

Anyway, so I decided to start working out three times a week again. What use was it to buy that fucking expensive crosstrainer if I don't work out? And seeing as I need to lose ten pounds easily, that's probably the best way to start (and maybe not going out for ice cream with Juliane every other day after work).

I'm missing Alex, did I mention it? =( Badly. Last night it was really bad. I played with the thought of mailing him today, but I decided against it. I dunno...I still feel like...I dunno...he wouldn't want me to to mail. I dunno why, he said we're gonna stay in contact, but I guess he was just trying to be nice, or as Franzi put it "You're never gonna hear from him again. And if you will, it's because he has a bad conscience." Hmm. I guess that pretty much sums it up. It still kinda... hurts. I mean, we've been "together" (if you can call that "together") for almost three months, counting the time he wasn't around, and...I dunno. It's weird just letting him go and telling myself "okay, forget about him, you won't see him again, he was just a fling." Just won't work. But I knew I was supposed to keep my mouth shut and not say what I feel. So that's what I did. =(

monday, may 26th

tuesday, may 20th

friday, may 16th

So I finally have a day off today (we were working voluntarily yesterday and the day before yesterday - and hey, Julie and I got a t-shirt cuz we showed up both days =) ) and what happens? At 7:45 this morning the phone rings. Now let me explain, when I'm in bed, I don't answer the phone. Ever. Well, usually I don't. So the phone rings. Not once, not twice. Not 10 times, not 15. NOOOOOOOOO, IT RINGS A FREAKING 21 times!!! Did I mention I have a phone in my room, like 20 feet away from my bed? So noone answers. I go downstairs and guess what? My mom is home. "I was in the bathroom, I didn't hear it!" Well, I DO hear the phone when I'm in the bathroom. So I go upstairs again, get comfy in my bed, what happens? The phone rings. It was the same person, calling again after not even 5 minutes have passed. I don't know, when I let the phone ring a FREAKING 21 TIMES I normally get the drift that maybe noone's home and call well...maybe one or two hours later. Not one or two minutes. =P Anyway, so I go back to bed AGAIN, and actually manage to fall asleep, what happens? My father starts hammering around in the bathroom. UGH! So much for my day off.

My dad's crazy anyway. Sometime this week he got bored and decided he has to renovate the bathroom. So since Tuesday the bathroom's a construction site. You can't shower, you can't take a bath, nothing. So today's Friday. Does it look like he's remotely done? NO. What a surprise. If he isn't done latest by Monday, there's gonna be war.

Stephan came back yesterday, and since Julie's obviously unable to have a functioning relationship I organized for him to stay somewhere with her and everything. We were done with work at 3pm yesterday and waited till 5:30 until he was finally ready. I came home at 8pm last night because of all that. =P I don't know what she would do without me. I organized half of her relationship with Matthias and now with Stephan. Plus I'm playing psychiatrist (Dagny, sounds familiar? lol =) ), and people are actually wondering why I'm not in a relationship? I don't have time for one of my one, I'm too busy with those of others! lol =)

So the infection at my navel is still not gone. I'm going crazy with that. I talked to someone who has a nickel-allergy and she said it really looks like one, and taping off your pants-buttons doesn't help. Umm...great? Really...encouraging.

I sent some emails to some universities, asking some questions about certain curricula, and most of them answered in a fashion of "Well, you should look for something else to study, that definitely isn't for you." Hmm, great. I only have to start applying this week, and they pretty much said that for every course of studies that I wanted to do. =P Well, let's see how all that's turning out.

saturday, may 10th

I had my allergy test yesterday morning, and boy, I really need to switch doctors. I was supposed to come in early, cuz they said they need blood samples, so I sat there at 8:20am, and I waited until 9:15 until I was finally called into the doctor's office. Only to hear that they won't need blood samples, they'll just do a little skin-prick test. Hmm. What exactly did I et up for at 7:30 on my day off? So they pricked me 42 times (I still have the marks on my arm) and I reacted negative to everything. So what exactly are my allergies coming from? Dunno. My doctor doesn't either. Nice. The allergy he declared I have last week turned out not to be an allergy, but a bacterial infection (probably from all the antibiotics I'm taking), and what does he prescribe me? More antibiotics. Even the guys in the pharmacy were looking at me weird when I came in with another antibiotics prescription.

By the way, looks like Alex is coming back after all. Or not. Or maybe he will. Only changes like...every hour. Latest news were he's coming back. But you know what? I won't get my hopes up again, cuz I guess latest by Monday someone will say he won't come back. I'll wait until the 19th and then I'll see if he will be there or not. Stephan, Julie's boyfriend, was supposed to come back, too and now he will be stationed at the base we're at now instead of our usual base where we will be from next weel on again. Boy, are those two pissed because of that =)

Alright, I gotta go to bed, I'm kinda tired. And I have a sore throat - again.

wednesday, may 7th

sunday, may 4th

So seems like Alex is coming back in 2 weeks. At least that's what I heard. And I didn't hear it from him. Which kinda makes me think if it's not true or if he doesn't want me to know about it, which would be nonsense, cuz he knows I would find out. I mailed with him a few times last week, but he wasn't excactly eloquent. So nothing new there. You could sense he didn't really wanna talk to me, but didn't want to tell me. He told me he's gonna get out of the army and Stephan said he has to come back here before he quits. So I'm not sure what's gonna happen. I don't wanna get my hopes up and then he isn't coming, so I guess I'll just wait and see.

Julie and I are taking photos next week. She wants to give Stephan one for his birthday and I wanted to get some taken forever already, so we said we're gonna do it together, then it's cheaper and we can get some taken of us together, too. I'm really curious how they're gonna turn out. =) Need to get an allergy test done, too. I have one of my freaking allergies again and I don't know what it comes from. I hate it, they come and go and I never know what they come from, so I finally take a test to find out.

I just realized that I have this layout forever already. About time I made a new one. But I really like this one. And I don't really have the time to make a new one. Well, I have a week vacation from the 10th on, so maybe I'll get a new one done then. Something...summery maybe. New weeklies are up, too, so go check those out, and sign the guestbook? No one ever signs it. Well, except for Franzi, Audrey and Dagny. Maybe they're the only ones coming to the site, I don't have a clue. =)

friday, april 25th

Julie and I are okay again, too. So okay that we went out for ice-cream today and are going shopping and clubbing together tomorrow. =) I even heard from Alex this week (big surprise). Mails were weird as always, but weel. At least he mailed at all. K, gotta go, gotta finish my laundry before I meet up with Tina!

tuesday, april 22nd

thursday, april 17th

wednesday, april 16th

saturday, april 12th

The excercises this week sucked, too. On Wednesday we played gypsies and everybody demonstrated against us again and I was shot during the whole thing. So not only did we have to play the "getting shot" part twice, which meant I got blood twice in my face, I got dragged over a distance of at least a hundred feet with one arm, nooo. They tore my skirt, my jacket, my sweatshirt, the damn blood got into my eye and ruined my contact (it's pink now, makes a weird eye color I can tell ya) and then they forgot me. They put me into a tank while they were waiting for the ambulance, only the ambulance never showed up. So I laid there till the whole thing was over, in torn clothes, seeing everything pink and with a bandage over half of my face. =P

Anyway, good news is I'll finally upload some pictures into the gallery today, so watch out for those around tonight maybe (not many, but it's a start), I updated the weeklies and Dagny, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU hun! Hope you have a great day! I'm out for now, need to do a shitload of stuff this weekend, starting with calling back into memory how the heck thumbnails worked...lol =)

friday, april 4th

No weekend for me, I have to work Saturday, Sunday and Monday and only have Tuesday off, so I gotta go and get my stuff for tomorrow together.

saturday, march 29th

thursday, march 27h

monday, march 24th

I just read my past few blogs and...well...now I understand why I don't get any hits on the site. The stuff sounds much more plausible and interesting when I write it. Now when I read it it's just a big jumble and mess of names, bits and pieces of events and nothing you could even remotely follow. I guess I gotta change that. Did anyone realize that K.H. and C.H. are one and the same person (I just still don't know if his first name is written with a K or a C) or that A.w. is who I now just call Alex? And that Alex is my little affair although I'd much rather have him as my boyfriend? Hmm. I guess not. And honestly, if I read through those last entries again I sound like a cheap little slut sometimes. I can assure you I'm not. It all just sounds a little crass cuz I'm usually telling everything that happened in a week or more in one little entry. Do you all believe me? I guess not. =P

Saturday I was on a little renovating trip. We have this one little room in our house, just known as "the chamber". It's where I keep all the stuff I don't need or wanna have in my room anymore. Problem is we have a very old house and the chamber isn't exactly the nicest place to be, meaning we have bed sheets on the wall instead of wallpaper and we have a little fungus problem under those sheets. Not exactly a great place to store your stuff, so I decided I had to get this room a little cleaned up before I store all my stuff in there. So Saturday and Sunday I sat there with AIDS gloves and a safety mask and ripped all the old stuff off, isolated everything and put new sheets up. Totally alone of course. Was my mom at home? Yes, she was. Was my dad at home? Yes, he was. Did they see it fit to help me out a little? No, they didn't. Not that I was surprised. Well, I got it all done by Sunday afternoon, I just hope the fungus doesn't break out again before I move out here.

I had a doctor's appointment, too, today. Bronchitis again, what else? But it's obviously worse than I thought it was, cuz he already has me on antibiotics and normally it takes my doctor forever to prescribe them. He even wanted me to call in sick at work, but since I'm already on vacation that didn't exactly make sense. Well, I guess I'm just gonna stay in bed for the rest of the week then and see how it goes. Speaking of my bed...

saturday, march 22nd

I honestly got her to go home for our week of vacation. Don't ask me how I did it, but I did it. =) Time off. Time to do everything I have to do, time to just hang around and be bored...wow. What am I gonna do with all this time? lol =)

Last week wasn't exactly fun, we had a lot of stupid exercises that made no sense at all, plus I already got into an argument with Alex because of something Julie said. But everything's alright again and now he's gone home for the week.

Two of the soldiers of our station (including our station leader) probably have to go to Kuwait next week already. It isn't confirmed yet, but it looks like it. They both aren't exactly happy about it and well...I'm gonna stay neutral here and not say what I actually would like to say here, but let's just say George Bush is lucky he's so guarded.

Okay, not a whole lot to tell here today, so I'm gonna stop. I actually found the time to update the weeklies, even though I have a feeling noone's reading them anyway. It would be cool if y'all could drop me a line in the guestbook or so, I mean, I have a whole week on my hands and I'm alone, I need some loving! =) lol

monday, march 17th

But before I start, Audrey, any chance you downloaded the Baylee pix? I just wanted to look at them and of course they took them down, so it would be great if you could send them to me if you have them!

Alright, where do I start? So Monday night I went ice skating with Julie, Stephan and Andreas. Did I mention I can't ice skate? Did I mention I have a problem with every kind of sport that requires water in some way? (skiing, swimming, ice skating. Didn't matter, they forced me to do it. I ended up having one of them on the left side, one on the right and just about flying over the ice. If I was religious I probably would have prayed, but since I'm not I just tried to stay on my feet as well as I could. =P

Well, obviously I survived. Tuesday I already had enough of my stupid "mother with baby" job at work so I switched roles with Julie and now I play the torn off arm. Muuuuch better. I get carried around, I get my private ambulance, everything. Of course on wednesday some stupid soldier guy had to jam his gun in my face twice so I ended up with a slight concussion and 2 major bumps on my forehead, which kinda made me wanna switch roles back for a moment again, but of course I didn't.

Thursday night we went out with some of the soldiers and their sole goal that night was to get me drunk, cuz they had never seen me drink before cuz I normally always drive. And boy, did they do a great job. I fell asleep on the bar sometime around 2 am I guess (I'm not too sure, I can't remember falling asleep, I only remember waking up on C.H.'s shoulder). C.H. had to carry me out to the car, cuz I couldn't stand anymore. I only remember bits and pieces of the night, but obviously I forgot the really vital party, cuz when I woke up the next morning and looked on my cell phone I had like 8 messages from C.H. telling me how he loves me and he's gonna leave his girlfriend and all. Hmm. Made me think a little. Julie then told I was obviously kissing him half of the night, but I can't remember anything like that. Very embarrassing. No more alcohol for me, please. That really was an experience I didn't need. Not talking about that I only got an hour of sleep that night and was short of passing out at work. I think I never felt that sick in my life before. My station leader was really funny, too. Or at least he thought he was funny. Nicole says "I can't go out there and lay down on the ground, I'm gonna puke if I lay down now." What does he say? "Cool, makes it even more realistic." Haha. Alex thought he was really funny, too. I was in his ambulance and we had to pick up the guys who had been flown out with the helicopter and well...let's just say he took like every bump and ditch this fucking place has =P

Saturday we went out clubbing again with some soldiers and I finally told C.H. that I still don't want him and he can stay with his girlfriend. Not an hour later Alex was on my side (which of course I didn't mind, cuz I had my eye on him for weeks already) and tried to entertain me and get me to dance. Or so I thought. Turned out he had something else in mind (what I didn't mind either =) ) And so I threw my principles in the wind (he has a girlfriend, and normally I don't do anything with anyone who has a girlfriend, I just don't think it's right - usually) and well...let's just say it looks like the next 4 weeks he's mine. =) He doesn't know it officially yet, but I'm either gonna tell him my answer today or tomorrow. =)

Alrightee, enough blogging for today. Gotta go and get Julie's car back. We kinda lost our exhaust yesterday and had to get it fixed today.

saturday, march 8th

Yesterday we had this great conversation about men again that made me wonder if I'm maybe really cursed to become a nun or something. A little lie I told her right after we met cuz I felt stupid has gone a long way since and if she asks me about it one more time I think I'm gonna shoot myself. =P Plus now she decided she's gonna get me a man. Who-hoo. I can hardly wait. If it's the type of men she falls for...no, thank you. We're going clubbing tonight and I have a feeling I'm not gonna have a quiet minute, cuz every 3 seconds she'll be like "Oh, but he'slooking good, don't you like him?" Well, we'll see how that goes. Gotta stop here, the spy has entered the room again =)

New piece in the fun section, called "Airplane crash" or something like that, can't remember how I named it.

wednesday, march 5th

It's really fascinating. Julie breaks up with Matthias and starts going out with Stephan and suddenly I have all the time in the world each night cuz she's never home. Now if I just wasn't too tired to do anything, that'd really help me out...lol =)

Anyway, I felt so sorry for Matthias when Julie broke up with him. I don't know why, normally I don't even like him that much, but it was so sad how he tried to play cool while you could see he was about to cry. =( Julie did cry, but I guess that was more because of her fear of being alone rather than because of him. =/

Had another big fight with my boss today. This firm just SUCKS. Now they're making us eat at the base, even though we don't want to. I wouldn't give a damn if I didn't have to pay for it, but I have to pay around a fifty bucks each month for food that's just gross 3 times a week and that I don't wanna eat. And when I asked why the heck they're doing this they're like "Oh well, the majority won. We're sorry you're part of the minority." Oh great, thank you so much you assholes. It's just my money that goes down the drain. =P

Went swimming with Julie earlier today and we kinda started to talk to the lifeguard cuz Julie had a cramp and he accused me of not trying to rescue her...lol =) Well, okay, I didn't try to rescue her, what for? I mean, it's not like she had her cramp in the middle of the pool, the water wasn't even 5 feet deep where she stood. But he's a cool guy, taught us under-water-skiing and other stupid stuff like that...lol =)

K, I gotta go, I'm tired as hell. 5 more minutes and I'll fall asleep on the keyboard. So good night!

sunday, march 2nd

By the way, big shout out to Franzi and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

friday, february 28th

sunday, february 23rd

Oh, and have I mentioned that my parents suck? We have a week of fighting and not talking to each other behind us and today that mounted in my dad taking my car keys away. Idiot. Sometimes I just hate my parents. Just because I didn't borrow him money last week. Excuse me? Am I the family bank or what? =P I think it's about time I move out and never come back. =P I had the greatest time while I was in the US and never had to see them =P

friday, february 21st

K, I gotta stop and get ready, I'm going out for dinner and a movie with Julie and Matthias and then tomorrow we're probably gonna go to the Czech Republic, so I'm not sure if I can blog, but I'll try to.

sunday, february 16th

My goddaughter's 1st birthday was yesterday. Gosh, she's already a year, that's so crazy. Had a big party of course, my brother hit me again, I think I have 4 or 5 nice finger-shaped bruises on my arm (on the other hand, maybe I shouldn't have shoved that candle up his nose...) and my sis in law and her sister are despeartely trying to set me up with the new next-door neighbor. They aren't really any good, though, cuz I didn't even get to see him...lol =) They wanted to send me over with a plate of food for him, but I refused (I know, I'm dumb, so sue me)...lol =) Anyway, we're trying to get him to go out with us one of the next weekends, so let's see how that'll work out...

friday, february 14th

This week was cold, cold, cold. I think if we wouldn't have our firetons I would have died already. We're outside about 8 hours each day and normally my feet start getting cold after 10 minutes already. =P I'm group leader at our station and so everything was pretty stressed this week, cuz whenever something went wrong I got yelled at, even though it was never my fault. =P Last night we had a "get to know each other" night out with all the soldiers from our group and it was really funny. We went to a pub and I think Julie and I didn't stop laughing once. We had a grand ole time. =) We were "harassing" the waitress at the pub (it was her first day), and I think she was reeeeeally happy when we finally left. Ordering in the end went like this: K.:"Excuse me, could you..." Waitress: "Can't you just leave me alone?!?" Umm...okay...lol =) We're doing it again next week, and I'm so looking forward to that =) The EMTs already told us we have to go out with them all sometime in the next few weeks, cuz they don't know their way around here. =)

Julie's flirting like crazy with one of the soldiers and I so disapprove of that. I mean, she has a boyfriend. I'm not saying when you have a boyfriend you aren't allowed to talk to other guys or you can't have fun with other guys, but those two are just so obvious about it. She even said today that the only reason she's not starting anything with him is that he lives too far away. Hello? The reason should have been "I'm not starting anything with him cuz I have a bf" if you ask me. Well, I'll keep my eye on her and when they start exchanging phone numbers I'm gonna interfere.

K, quick shout out to Audrey, sorry I didn't have the time to talk to you lately =P Maybe this weekend, k? =)

tuesday, february 11th

Matthias came by yesterday and he was a little...well...unnerving. I was so happy when he left again. If he would have bitten or tickeled me one more time...=P

K, this is short, but I'm cold, cold, cold and I gotta take a shower! =)

saturday, february 8th

Another reason why the new company I'm working for is totally dumb: Thursday we were supposed to call them and ask where we're supposed to meet on Monday. So we called and they told us that they're sending out letters with all the info. So on Friday I got said letter - with no information at all in it. I called them and asked them what that was about, and they were like "Oh good thing you called, we were hoping everybody would, we kinda got some letters mixed up." Ooookay. If next week is anything like the planning phase now I give them 2 weeks before another company gets the commission.

tuesday, february 4th

My birthday was fun, we went to this club, I didn't drink as much as I thought I would, but I guess I still loosened up a little more than I thought I would, judging from Juliane's looks...lol =) They got me exactly the present I hoped they wouldn't get me, but well. It was kind of a bouquet, but instead of flowers there was candy, alcohol, condoms, g-strings, chewing gum - and a vibrator. Or as my mom thought: "You know what that is? A dildo." Nope mom, not exactly. And I never ever wanna have a conversation like that with you again, okay? I'll post a picture of it when I get them developed, okay? A lot of people were laughing their asses off when they passed our table and saw it there. But it's actually cool, I mean, I DO have a sense of humor and it actually looks really, really cool. =) I only got like 4 hours of sleep until I had to get up again the next morning to prepare all the stuff for the umm..."much anticipated" family celebration (I hate those kind of things) and I was just tired the whole day through. Patricia and Sonja came over as a surprise in the evening and they brought really cool gifts (mad props to them...lol), so all in all it was a pretty good birthday I'd say =)

I'm still kinda upset that they kicked out Gracia on DSDS on my birthday, when they should have kicked out Daniel, or at least Vanessa, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that now. Everybody thinks they cheated, so at least it's not only me. Really sucks. Who's gonna win now? Juliette? Come on, as if the world would need someone like her. =P

New weeklies (yeah, I know I should call them "monthlies") and 2 new pieces in the fun section (thanks Audrey! =)), the Tali-boy-ban(d) and "5 questions to President Bush" =)

friday, january 31st

monday, january27th

sunday, january 26th

saturday, january 25th

Juliane's been here for pretty much the whole week, she must be really bored...lol =) Wednesday night she came over surprisingly and we were upstairs doing stupid stuff and suddenly my mom comes upstairs being like "There's a soldier at the door who wants to see you." Umm...okay. I guessed it was Juliane's boyfriend so I went downstairs and it was him. Well, not only him. He had one of the other soldiers with him who was on my station at work...lol =) Who would have thought 3 months ago that he (who I admittedly had a crush on at first) would sit in my room sometime? lol =) Thing was they didn't even know Julie was here, they just came by to visit me...umm...okay. I'm not gonna think about that...lol =) I mean, it's not like we're best friends or anything. I wouldn't even say we're friends at all....lol =)

Devin moved out this week. My sis in law told me the day before yesterday. I couldn't even tell him goodbye. He was supposed to stay 3 more weeks, but he had to get out of the apartment, so it all went a little faster than expected. =( My brother went to his farewell party last night, but since I wasn't directly invited I couldn't exactly tag along, since it was in a restaurant with reserved space and all. =( Well, I hope the new guy who's gonna move in is as nice as he was - and single of course...lol =)

wednesday, january 22nd

I had this great job interview on Monday, too, and I can just ask you all to pray for me that the firm I've been working with before gets the commission. Those guys there were so stupid and mean, that wasn't even funny anymore. We were like 10 people and they tried to explain what the job is about and all, and they said stuff that was totally untrue, so I told them, I mean, I've done it before, I know what I'm talking about and they got really insulting, stupid s.o.b.'s =P Should know by the end of the week who got it, you really gotta cross your fingers for me!

Juliane slept over from Monday to Tuesday cuz we went shopping yesterday. It was fun, we were trying out new hairstyles with each other and I was really surprised what I can do with my hair...lol =) And today I'm gonna get it cut...well, at least an inch or two =) Speaking of that, I gotta go get ready, hairdresser and dentist appointment are waiting =P

sunday, january 19th

Got my paycheck from December today and it was �200 more than I expected it to be! =) I don't have a clue how my boss calculated this much money, but hey, I'm not gonna complain =)

friday, january 17th

So today the phone rings, on the line another firm, telling me they got my name from labor exchange, if I'm free for a job interview on Monday. I say "Is this about the army job?" They say "yes". I say "Oh, did you get the commission, not my old firm?"They say "Yes, we did." So I send a text message to Juliane, asking her if she also has a job interview with this firm set up. 10 seconds later my phone rings. It's Juliane, who's neighbors with my old boss at the old firm, explaining me that said firm that I have the interview with doesn't even have the commission yet, cuz the date when the winner will be announced is January 21st. So I'm asking myself, why the heck do those guys set up job interviews when they don't even have the jobs assured yet? And what the heck am I gonna say and do in that interview on Monday, the 20th? Questions and more questions. I think I'll go to bed now, before my head starts smoking.

Oh, one more thing. Page of the week: THINGS MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE ARGUED ABOUT. Absolutely hilarious. Give it a try.

monday, january 13th

Juliane's getting on my nerves lately with her constant questions about my love life. Or better yet the lack thereof. She wants to set me up with a barkeeper of the club we're always going to now, but he's like 28 or something and for the moment I think that may be a tiny little bit too old for me, not talking about all the other problems that would bring with it. Problem is: she doesn't see my point and has been annoying me with her text messages for the past 3 days. I'm honestly considering just shutting my cell phone off for the next few days. But then she'd probably just call the normal line. =P

friday, january 10th

Wanted to make some doctor's appointments earlier, but of course Friday afternoon they're all closed. Great. Well, gotta do it on Monday then I guess. I hope I'll get some appointments in January still at least...

wednesday, january 8th

I won tickets for the preview of "Analyze that 2", so I went there with Patricia yesterday. It was kinda funny, but I liked the first part better. We went to her place afterwards and kinda forgot the time while talking so I only went home around 3am - and Patricia had class today...lol =) I hope she didn't fall asleep =)

By the way, I wanted to post some work photos in the Gallery, but then I remembered my great "military safety" clause in my contract and so I'm not allowed to post them or I could get into trouble. Of course I could post other pictures, but my scanner still doesn't work, so I guess I'll have to postpone that. And I have to think about which ones I wanna post then.

Dagny, your letter's done and ready to be sent, but I don't have the car until Friday so I probably won't get to the post office. Audrey, hope you survived your first few days after winter break! =) Franzi, I'm gonna call, I promise. Probably tomorrow, but we'll see. =)

saturday, january 3rd

Got a new piece up in the fun section, called "The revocation of indepenence" and if my graphics program should decide to work again, maybe I'll get some pictures up as well tonight or tomorrow.