Mac stared at the drink on the bar in front of her, a vodka tonic. One sip would start her on the road to sweet oblivion. It was a decision she was struggling to make.

Her thoughts drifted to Harm, as usual. So near, yet so far. After the Jagathon there had been a great lessening of tension between them and a return to their former cordial professional relationship. The same relationship they had when she was engaged to Mic. The days of stalwart friendship and easy bantering were apparently gone for good, and there was not even a suggestion of a deeper relationship.

She sighed as she picked up the drink. Resting her elbow on the bar, she held it at eye's height and looked into it.

Until today, she thought she could live with that. She thought maybe with time that their friendship would return and they could finally acknowledge their deeper feelings.

But today that had all changed when Kate Pike walked into the office.

Kate was beautiful, smart, open, and fun. So many things Mac knew she was not. Kate had also managed to get under Harm's skin when they were partners. And Kate wanted Harm; Mac knew that from her conversation with Kate during her last visit.

Mac had returned from Court to hear Harm's last comment to Kate. His back was to Mac, so he didn't see her coming.

"I told you, Kate, I'm not interested in Mac that way. We are friends, that's all, and that's all we'll ever be."

"Mac, hello. It's good to see you." Kate greeted her as she walked up.

Harm turned to her, embarrassed as he realized she had overheard his last remark. He had that deer in the headlights look and was apparently unable to say anything as he struggled to get his foot out of his mouth.

"Hi, Kate. Nice to see you too. I'm sorry I can't stay, but I have a fast phone call to make. I hope I see you later."

Before anything else could be said she had made her way to her office, struggling with tears.

She set the drink down with a bang. She had made her decision. She would NOT drown her sorrows in drink. That path led to a long, painful spiral down.

She WOULD transfer out. Anywhere. As soon as possible. She would not stay and watch him get involved with someone else. It was just too painful. If the Admiral refused to transfer her, she'd have to resign.

She simply could not watch it again, and keep wondering what was wrong with her. Many men had found her attractive, but Harm apparently didn't. At least, not enough to make any kind of move toward her she could accept.

She motioned to the bartender to take the drink away and ordered a tonic water with a twist.

"Good decision, Mac." She jumped and turned, her surprised eyes looking straight into Clayton Webb's.
"Clay, what are you doing here? It isn't your day to watch me, is it?" She asked sarcastically. "I would think you have better things to do."

She figured he knew about her alcoholism and all the rest of her past. It didn't sit well with her that he had observed her in a weak moment.

He winced at her tone. "No, Mac. I actually was looking for you. I need to talk to you, but not here. Can I meet you at your apartment in an hour? It's important."

She eyed him suspiciously, then gave in. What the hell, it's not like she had anything else to do.

"Okay."

"And, Mac, no word to anyone, not even Rabb."

She gave a short bitter laugh at that.

"Don't worry, Clay. He's otherwise occupied." She shook her head to clear the sudden vision of Harm and Kate kissing passionately.

Perplexed at her attitude, he asked her "You haven't had anything to drink, have you? I need you sober."

She sighed. "I'm sober, Clay. I don't have much else to recommend my life at this point, but at least I still have that."

"Good. One hour, your apartment?" He ignored the bitter part of her answer.

She nodded. "I'll be waiting."

He turned and left after looking around to see if anyone was observing them.

Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
2300 Local

"Are you serious about this?" Mac was completely astonished by his proposal.

He had arrived a few minutes late for their appointment and graciously accepted her offer of coffee.

The rest of the time he spent outlining his proposal.

"Of course, Mac. The SecNav had approved this plan, and approved your part in it. Because it's so dangerous, he left you the option of saying no." Clay knew how to antagonize her.

"You want me to get thrown in the brig for espionage, get close to this woman Janet Davidson and dig for info, and NOT tell anyone at JAG? Not even the Admiral?

Davidson had been convicted of treason for selling Military secrets to the Chinese. Clay wanted Mac to go in and find out who was in on the plan with her. She wouldn't talk at her trial, and no evidence indicating who her cohorts were was found.

"Mac, NO ONE can know about this. You would be going deep undercover. If your cover is blown while you're in the brig, you're dead. If the people we're looking for even suspect anyone at JAG knows, their lives would be in danger too."

Mac paced the room, unwilling to put her friends in danger, but also unwilling to lie to them.

"Why not put one of your own people in. Why me?"

"Because it has to be someone from the Military." He looked a little embarrassed. "We're not sure who was involved at the CIA, we can't trust anyone."

Mac was silent for a moment, considering everything he had told her.
"You never said why you want me."

He looked even more embarrassed.

"Because we could make it plausible. With your recent personal problems, we can make it look like you're drinking again, and someone is blackmailing you for the information."

She looked at him, horrified.

"Clay, do you know what you're asking? Every person at JAG is like family to me. I would be betraying them all. They would be so hurt! And they would hate me!"

"I know, Mac. It would be personally very difficult, as well as dangerous. You would basically be on your own in the Brig, no back up. But everyone at JAG is Military. They would forgive you afterward, when all the truth came out. They would understand- duty, honor, etc."

Again she was quiet, knowing he was right, but hating the idea of putting them all through that.

He came to stand next to her, and looked in her eyes.

"Mac, this is big. Bigger than you or me. Captain Davidson sold Military secrets. We caught her. But we didn't catch her
accomplices. We have to know who they are Mac. It's a matter of National Security."

She met his gaze squarely.

"I can't make a decision like this on the spur of the moment, Clay. I need time."

"All I can give you is 24 hours, Mac. If you can't do it, we have to find someone else and that won't be easy. Call me tomorrow with your answer, yes or no."

She acquiesced with a nod. "All right."

She walked him to the door, locking it after he left.

She sat on the couch, staring into the fire, thinking everything over, her mind in a whirl.

"I can't make this decision alone. I have to talk to Harm. Even if Clay doesn't like it." She trusted Harm, even in their present relationship.

She picked up the phone and dialed Harm's number.

After a few rings Kate's voice greeted her. "Hello." There was romantic music playing in the background.

"Hello." Kate repeated her greeting when silence answered her first try.

"Uh...sorry. Wrong number." Mac quickly hung up the phone, the pain lancing through her heart as she realized the implications of Kate being at Harm's this late with music in the background.

"I guess this is one decision I'll have to make on my own." In the confusion of Clay's proposal she had almost forgotten about Kate. She guessed it was good she got a reminder.

She lay back on the couch, lost in a sea of confusion and pain.

Jogging Trail
Saturday
1330 Local

Mac was at the jogging trail. She had spent a sleepless night thinking over Clay's mission. Should she or shouldn't she?

Her debate continued as she took the first steps of her run.

She was under no illusions. This mission would be very dangerous, and she would basically be on her own. No Harm to watch her six, not even Webb. Her cell in the brig would be bugged, but if anything happened to her outside the cell no one would know about it until it was too late.

If she accepted this assignment it would mean cutting herself off from all her friends at JAG, Harm included. Once she confessed, no one would have anything to do with her. They probably wouldn't believe it at first, but she knew that sooner or later they would have to.

Her thoughts continued to churn as her feet found a comfortable rhythm.

She tried to imagine their pain at her betrayal, and could not. She could not picture the Admiral, Bud, Harriet, or Harm believing her capable of espionage. If she accepted this assignment, it was going to be very, very painful.

She would have to convince them she was guilty. Webb's plan was for her to show a fast disintegration at work due to alcohol. This would mean an investigation into her life, and the discovery of her "perfidy". Clay would handle the investigation, as he was sure the Admiral would keep any investigation unofficial, trying to help her. The plan included one of his agent's uncovering a secret, a secret that would allow her to be "blackmailed" by the enemy into making copies of official documents and handing them over.

Webb's idea was to use her Iranian background. A long lost family member would be uncovered in Iran, and she would hand over the documents to insure the family member's safety. She thought this was stretching a bit, but it was plausible. At least more plausible than her selling information for cash.

This was a mission of major importance. The Country was at war, and every piece of information that went out to the enemy was putting people at risk. As a marine officer, she could not tolerate that. If she was successful, many possible deaths could be avoided.

She arrived at the five-mile marker and turned to head back to the start of the trail where her car was parked.

Of course, the more personal aspects of this had to be considered. At least one aspect. Harm.

Just last night she had decided to transfer out to get away from him, to make a new start.

This mission was a little more than she bargained for. True, it would get her away, but it would be separation at a huge cost.

She was not sure she had it in her to really convince him she was guilty of treason. He seemed to have a sixth sense about her. Even from the first meeting, when her Uncle Mat had stolen the Declaration of Independence. Harm had known something was up, and had caught her trying to sneak off to meet her Uncle.

On the other hand, her behavior about her Uncle might lend credence to Webb's story about family in Iran. When Harm thought it over, he might actually believe she would do anything to keep that family safe.

And of course, there was Uncle Mat. She would just tell him she was going on an extended mission and would be out of contact for a few months. She just hoped he wouldn't hear anything through the grapevine.

Oh God, Chloe. Chloe would be so crushed! Could she really do that to the little girl who looked up to her?

Her steps slowed as all the ramifications of this mission washed over her again.

"Hey, Mac, going kinda slow there, aren't you?" Harm's voice broke in.

He was jogging towards her. She was so deeply engrossed in her own world she hadn't seen him coming.

She forced a smile. "Hey, Harm." For the life of her, she couldn't think of anything to say.

He noticed her distraction, for he swung around to jog beside her, slowing his pace to match hers. "What's wrong, Mac?"

"Nothing really, just tired." She continued to jog, not meeting his eyes.

"I guess you're tired too after your late night."

"Late night?" How did Mac know? Unless she was the one that called when Kate answered the phone. Great, just freaking great.

Trying to cover her slip up Mac asked, "So how'd it go with Kate?"

"It was good to see her. She was just in town for a day or two. It was strange though." He sounded a little confused.

"Strange? In what way?" She wasn't sure she really wanted to hear it.

"Well, she stopped in unexpectedly and said she needed to talk to me about a problem. But when we went out, she didn't bring up any problems. She just..." He stopped short. He really didn't want to get into what Kate had done. "She just talked about old times when we were partners."

‘I bet she did,’ thought Mac.

"So, it was good to see her then?"

"Well yeah, it's always good to see Kate." He was a little defensive in his reply. "But like I said, it was strange."

"Well, I'm sure she'll clear it all up for you, Harm." She didn't mean for that to sound nasty, but it did. "I mean, she's a good
friend. If she needs help, she'll make sure you understand." Not much better.

He sighed. "Yeah, Kate is a good friend, but that's all she is, Mac."

"Right. Just like I am? Oh no, I guess not exactly like me." He HAD actually been in a relationship with Kate at one time. He couldn't get away from Mac fast enough.

"Mac, about what I said yesterday..."

"Drop it, Harm. I REALLY don't want to get into it."

"Just let me explain, Mac, please."

"Harm, save it. I really don't want to hear anymore excuses about the stupid things that come out of your mouth. Just because you thought I would never hear it doesn't make any difference. The point is you said it, you obviously meant it, conversation over."

"Mac, please."

She stopped in the middle of the trail, startling him into stopping with her. Turning to him she looked him straight in the eyes.

"Harm, we are friends. That is ALL we are, and sometimes lately I'm not even sure of that. I understand you don't want anything more. You've made it clear on more than one occasion. Please drop the subject. Believe me, I get it."

"Mac..."

"One more word on this subject and I am leaving."

He sighed and gave in for the moment. But he was not leaving it like this forever.

"Okay."
"Look, Harm, there are some phone calls I have to make, and errands to run. We're still friends, okay?" She tried to soften things between them, not wanting to leave on a bad note.

He gave a short nod, frustrated with her.

"I'll see you later, Harm." She started to jog back down the trail to her car.

"MAC!" He called after her.

She turned her head, still jogging.

"You are my BEST friend!"

She gave him a smile and a wave.

He watched her go, feeling helpless.

Sighing heavily, he turned and continued his run, his heart heavy.

It had been a real pleasure to see Kate at first. He was always glad to see her, she had always been a lot of fun. But then she said she had a problem to discuss with him. It was late, so they decided to have dinner together. It had all seemed so innocent at the time.

She had been charming and amusing, just as she always had been, making no mention of the `problem' over dinner. They had talked and laughed about old times, just as he had told Mac. It wasn't long before they were both flirting like they used to, innuendo flowing freely in the conversation.

Over coffee after eating, she said she wanted to go someplace private. Thinking she wanted to discuss her problem finally, he had invited her to his place. He felt a little stupid; he should have seen it coming.

Oh hell, he HAD seen it coming, he just wasn't sure he wanted to avoid it. She had followed him home in her car and walked up with him. Once inside, she had played with his stereo, putting on some soft romantic music.

He was pouring them a glass of wine when she came up behind him and ran her arms around him, snuggling up to his back. "We were good together, Harm, remember?" Her voice was soft, sexy. He had turned and actually kissed her, memories of them together momentarily overwhelming his good sense.

Oh damn it to hell, it had been a long time, he was just plain horny. The feel of a beautiful woman in his arms had just felt so damn good, and he knew she was good from prior experience.

When she started unbuttoning his shirt, he suddenly became aware of what he was doing and gently pushed her away. She had looked at him with surprised eyes. "Harm? What is it?"

"I can't do this, Kate." He'd been down that road before with Renee, running from his feelings for Mac, trying to forget about her with someone else. It had only hurt more in the long run.

Trying to read his eyes, she had come close to him again. "Why not? We really were good together, Harm."

"That was then, Kate. This is now." He had a difficult time meeting her eyes.

"It's Mac, isn't it?" She knew him far too well.

He didn't answer, his silence speaking volumes.

That's when the phone had rung. Before he could stop her, Kate had answered it. "Wrong number."

He didn't know it then, but it was probably Mac. He could figure out what Mac thought from that.
He slowed to a walk for the last mile to his SUV.

God, things were so fucked up.

JAG Headquarters
Monday-Following week
1422 Local

Mac sat at her desk staring at a file folder. She wasn't really reading it, but it was a good cover, making her look busy. The last week had been difficult to say the least.

Depressed after her conversation with Harm on the jogging trail, she had called Webb and finally accepted the assignment, butterflies churning in her stomach. Afterwards, she realized that her acceptance had been an emotional knee-jerk reaction to Harm and Kate, but deep inside she knew she would have accepted the assignment anyway. It wasn't in her to turn down an assignment, no matter how difficult or dangerous. She had signed up for the marines, and was determined to do everything her country asked of her.

She had begun distancing herself from everyone the following Monday. It wasn't difficult to act distracted and distant. Just the knowledge of the upcoming events was enough to make that happen. It was very difficult, however, to resist the well-meaning attempts of her friends to help her.

She started off arriving a few minutes late without explanation, and had continued that pattern through the week. Once or twice she had feigned losing her concentration during court. It had also been her habit to work late, rarely leaving the office at the appointed hour. She had left early twice, and at the official end of office hours the other days.

Harm, of course, was confronting her by Wednesday, demanding to know what was going on. She had put him off declaring nothing was wrong and claiming she had to go. Bud and Harriet had been subtler in their approach, but she had managed to put them off as well.

The weekend had been especially difficult. She had spent it alone in her apartment except for one planning session with Clay.

Harm had called repeatedly, leaving messages on her answering machine and on her cell phone voice mail. His pleading voice had been very difficult to resist. He had practically begged her to call him and let him help her with whatever was wrong. Twice she had almost broken down and called him. Only Clay's stern admonitions of keeping them all ignorant and safe from her activities kept her from it.

There was a knock at her office door.

"Enter"

Tiner stood at the door. "Ma'am, the Admiral is asking for you. He'd like to see you, ASAP."

"I'll be right there, Tiner. Thank you."

He nodded and left.

She let out a heavy sigh. She could guess what he wanted to see her about. This was not going to be easy either.

She went to his office, entering after he answered her knock, and stood at attention in front of his desk.

"Colonel Mackenzie, reporting as ordered, Sir." She hoped to hide behind military protocol, at least as much as she could.

He looked up, his eyes taking in her tired, drawn appearance.

"Have a seat, Mac."
He tried to look kindly at her as she took a seat. He knew something was wrong.

"Mac, I like to think in the years we have worked together we have become friends." He smiled at her slight nod of acquiescence.

"I know the last few months have been very difficult for you on a personal level. I have to say I was proud of the way you never let that affect your work, which has always been of the highest caliber."

"Thank you, Sir."

"That's why I'm concerned now. In the last week you have been late every day and leaving much earlier than normal. Your concentration in court has slipped, and you appear distracted as well as tired and withdrawn."

"Sorry, Sir. No excuse." She didn't bother trying to deny his observations since they were true. Unfortunately, she was not going to explain anything either.

His lips tightened at her intransigence.

"Colonel, I'm not looking for excuses. I'm looking for explanations." He changed tactics and looked sternly at her.

"I have none, Sir. I will do my best to make sure it doesn't happen anymore."

Abandoning the `stern' approach, he tried again as friends.

"Mac, I will help in any way I can. You know that by now." He hated bringing this up, but he had to. "When that whole mess with Colonel Farrow and your ex husband happened, it all could have been avoided if you had confided in me."

She flushed and looked away, embarrassed. "I know, Sir. I regret that more than I can say."

Feeling more confident now that he had gotten a reaction from her, the Admiral pressed his advantage.

"I don't know what the problem is now, Mac. But I can see something is bothering you, and it's beginning to affect your work. Trust me, Mac. Whatever it is, you know I'm on your side."

She wanted to cry at the soft tone in his voice. If only she could tell him! But she couldn't, she was under orders. She tried to comfort herself that he would know one day why she did this.

"Sir, I have nothing to say. I apologize if my work has been less than it should have been. I will take steps to remedy that."

He gave an exasperated hmfff and glared at her. He rarely showed his softer side, and when he did it was because he cared deeply. Her refusal to talk angered him.

"All right, Colonel. Your job performance had better return to its' former high standards. If it doesn't we will be having another talk, and it will not be pleasant. Dismissed."

She stood at attention. "Yes, Sir. Understood." She pivoted and left the office.

He threw a pen across the room after she closed the door. Damn it! Why wouldn't she talk?

He pressed the intercom button. "Tiner, get me Commander Rabb now."

He got up and paced around the room, frustrated.

Harm entered after knocking. "You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Commander, what's going on with the Colonel?" He was too irritated to wait on the formalities.

"I don't know, Sir." The Admiral looked closely at him, trying to see if he was covering for his friend or if that was the truth. Deciding that he was actually telling the truth, the Admiral gestured for Harm to sit down.

"I don't like this, Harm. She's acting just like she did when Ragle showed up. She's hiding something."

Harm sat down while the Admiral was talking. "I know, Sir, but I haven't been able to get a clue as to what's going on. She isn't talking to me."

The Admiral sat down at his desk with a sigh. "I couldn't get her to open up either."

"Harm, I've got a job for you. Find out what's going on. Follow her if you have to, but find out. I have a very bad feeling about this."

"Yes, Sir. I had planned on doing that anyway. Something is very wrong, I can feel it."

The two men looked at each other, both trying to think of what could be wrong with Mac.

Finally the Admiral gave up for the moment. "All right, Harm. Let me know what you find out. Dismissed."

"Aye Aye, Sir."

Harm left the Admiral's office, more determined than ever to get to the bottom of this.

JAG Headquarters
Same day
1830 Local

Mac was on her way to her car. She had stayed later at the office tonight, trying to avoid another confrontation with the Admiral. She knew another one was coming, but it was too soon for that to happen.

She dumped her load of files in the passenger seat before getting in and taking off.

The stress of this assignment was really getting to her. It was causing her to lose sleep and appetite. Although that fit in with her story, it wasn't making life any easier for her.

As she drove towards home she thought about her meeting with the Admiral today. It was awful. She knew she had hurt him and made him angry. And it was only going to get worse.

She checked the rearview mirror, startled to see a Lexus SUV a few cars back. She noticed it turning on her street after her, and following her home. She quickly parked her car and walked over to the Lexus which was parking near her.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she asked indignantly as he rolled down his window at her approach.

"I'm following you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, I'm there too, Marine."

"Harm, don't be ridiculous. You can't just follow me around."

"I can and I will. I know something is wrong and I'm going to find out what it is." He met her angry glare unflinchingly.

The battle of wills continued for a few minutes, before she finally gave in. She really needed to talk, and still in spite of
everything, she knew she could trust him.

"Okay, Harm. I'll tell you. But not here." Webb could have her apartment bugged, she didn't really trust him that much.

"Come to my place then. We can talk privately there," he suggested, relieved she had finally agreed to talk to him.

"I'll follow you." She actually smiled, relieved she was going to share this at last.

He eyed her suspiciously, thinking it was a trick, then smiled back. "Come on, Jarhead."

True to her word, she went back to her car and followed him home.

Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station

Harm set about fixing them coffee while Mac waited on the couch. He could tell she was nervous and all he wanted to do was to put her at ease. He carried the coffee in and set it on the table. Sitting next to her, he covered her clenched hands with one of his own and smiled at her.

"Easy, Marine. I promise, whatever it is, I'll be there for you no matter what."

She shot him a smile of her own, relaxing a little, enjoying the closeness. She had truly missed him.

"You might not think so after I tell you what kind of mess I got myself into."

He sought to reassure her. "Whatever it is, Mac, I'll help in anyway I can. You've got to know that."

"I know." She paused, took a deep breath, and began. "Last week I..."

She broke off when a knock at the door sounded sharply.

He gave her an apologetic look as he headed for the door. "I'll get rid of whoever it is, then we'll talk."

She nodded in silent assent.

Looking through the peephole, Harm tensed visibly. It was Kate.

"Hi Harm. I just wanted to talk to you again. When I didn't hear from you after that night..."

Kate stopped short as she barged in and saw Mac sitting uncomfortably on Harm's couch. "Oh, hi, Mac. Sorry to interrupt, I just needed to talk to Harm for a minute."

God this was like a nightmare Harm couldn't seem to wake up from. He could already see Mac closing down on him as she looked at the other woman and drew her own conclusions from Kate's words.

Trying to avoid Mac's leaving, he interrupted Kate. "Kate, actually Mac and I are talking about something important. Can't this wait?"

"That's okay, Harm. It doesn't matter. You go ahead and talk with Kate, I'll see you at the office tomorrow." Mac gathered her purse and stood up.

"Mac, no. It does matter. I really wanted to talk to you," he pleaded, trying to stop this emotional roller coaster they couldn't seem to get off of.

Kate interrupted him. "Thanks, Mac. I need to talk to Harm. We left things kind of sticky between us, and I really want to sort it out."

"Of course, Kate. It's no problem." Mac smiled at her, dying inside.

"Wait, Mac." Harm tried again to stop her.

"It's okay, Harm. You need to sort out your problems with Kate. I understand completely." She managed to keep smiling as she spoke, although she couldn't meet his eyes.
"Mac..."

"We'll talk later, Harm." He knew they wouldn't talk later. "Bye, Kate, it was nice to see you again."

"Bye, Mac. Thanks again."

Mac walked past Harm out the door, her head held high and her shoulders back until the elevator doors closed. Only then did the dam break and she burst into tears.

Sarah Mackenzie’s Apartment

1900 Local

His hand slid up her arm, his grip firm but gentle. "I’m sorry, Mac, I never meant to hurt you. You know you can always come to me. You know the reason why. You know I love you." Each sentence was punctuated by light kisses on a different part of her face. "I’ll never hurt you again, Mac. I promise..." His lips finally settled over hers, his tongue quickly invading her mouth before she could form a protest.

He tasted so good, a heady mix of mint and male, and Sarah Mackenzie was not immune. She needed him so badly her body ached with her need.

"Harm, make love to me, please. I need you..."

Silently Harm lifted her into his arms, carrying her through the darkened apartment.

Burying her face in the crook of his neck, she inhaled deeply. All of her senses were filled with the very essence of Harmon Rabb. The smell of him, the feel of him, the taste of him. Unable to deny herself, her tongue darted out, touching his earlobe and causing Harm to shiver.

Placing her gently in the middle of the bed, Harm then began the task of undressing her. Piece by piece, his hands removed the barriers between them, until there was nothing left. He worshiped her with his hands and his mouth, caressing her body, awakening a passion in her that she didn’t even know existed, until this man. Things finally felt so right in her world.

"Harm, please...."

"Yes..."

Right as he was about to enter her, the scene morphed before her eyes. She was now standing inside his apartment, muffled cries coming from Harm’s bedroom. As if in a trance, Mac walked slowly toward the bedroom area. She watched in horror as Harm pounded into Kate, their strangled cries mingling as they met her ears, and she tried to shut out the sounds of their mutual pleasure. Clapping her hands over her ears, Mac couldn’t help the tears that slipped unbidden down her cheeks. "Why, Harm? Why?" Mac chanted over and over, shutting her eyes to keep out the scene in front of her.

"Come on, Mac. You know we’re only friends. That’s all we’ll ever be. Come on, Mac...Come on, Mac...Come on..."

Mac tossed and turned as she fought her way out of the nightmare’s grip. Sitting up with a start, the pounding on the door finally registered, followed by Clayton Webb’s angry voice.

"Come on, Mac. Open up damn it!"

Getting up, Mac made her way to the door, checking to make sure it was really him. After she was satisfied, Mac wiped the remaining tears off of her still damp face. Running a hand through her tousled hair, she knew she was about as presentable as she was going to be, and opened the door.

"Hey, Clay."

Pushing his way past her, into the apartment, Webb wasted no time getting right to the point. "Mac, we need to talk. What the hell was all that about today? Huh?"

Looking down at the floor, Mac lamely tried to play innocent. "What are you talking about, Clay?"

"You know damn well what I’m talking about, Mac. You went to talk to Harm didn’t you?"

Sighing in resignation, Mac confessed. "Yeah, I did. But don’t worry. I didn’t tell him anything," Mac finished a little disgustedly.

Webb caught the tone in her voice, guessing what had happened, but wanting to hear it from her. "Why is that?"

"Because we got interrupted. I had a lapse in judgment, Clay. It won’t happen again," she finished, trying to relay a bravado she didn’t quite feel.

"You’re right, Mac. It won’t." Clay paused a moment, trying to figure out the best way to break the news to her. He finally decided the straight forward approach would probably work the best. "Mac, I’m going to arrange for Harm to be sent on assignment away from here and you. And before you start to protest, don’t. You know it’s the only way, Mac. If Harm stays around here, he’ll hound you until you cave, and you know it. Besides, he knows you too well. For one, he knows you’re not capable of treason. Two, you know as well as I do that he’s stubborn and bullheaded. You know he won’t rest until he finds out the truth. He loves you too much not to protect you. Even if he really saw you selling the secrets to the Iranians, he’d still defend you."

"Clay, you’re wrong. Harm cares but he doesn’t love me. We’re just frien..."

"Save it, Mac. Maybe you two are too blind to see it, but the rest of us aren’t. He goes."

"Webb, I..."

As if on cue, the shrill ringing of the telephone interrupted their conversation. Both waited until the answering machine picked up and Harm’s voice came over the line.

"Mac, are you there? Please, if you’re there pick up. You still haven’t called back and I was starting to get worried...Damn it, Mac! If you don’t pick up the phone I’m coming over there!"

Webb gave her a knowing glare before nodding his head for her to pick it up.

"Harm, I’m here."

"Mac, what’s going on? Why weren’t you answering the phone? Maybe I should come over there so we can finish..."

"No!" she said too quickly, then trying to calm down, she tried again. "No, Harm. I’m sorry I didn’t call back I just fell asleep and let the machine get it." It was a bald faced lie, but the truth was way too painful. Truth was she had come home from his apartment and cried until she had known there was nothing left inside her. Or at least that’s what she had thought, until Harm had called the first time. He had tried to get her to pick up, telling her he was sorry that Kate had interrupted and that he still wanted to talk to her. She had cried all over again, imagining the things that Kate had ‘needed’ to talk to him about. The second time was more of the same, a desperate plea for her to call him back, which she had again ignored. She had fallen into a fitful sleep that had ended in that horrible nightmare.

"It’s okay, Mac. I’m glad you got some rest. Maybe now we can finish that talk."

"I don’t think so, Harm."

"Come on, Mac."

His choice of words sickened her, hearing them only as the chant from her dream. Barely able to find her voice, she answered. "I can’t, Harm. I just can’t."

"Mac..."

She needed to go, feeling her resolve slipping with every syllable he spoke. "Good night, Harm."

Silently, she placed the phone back in the cradle. Looking up at Webb, Mac knew he was right. "Do what you have to do, Clay."

"Alright, Mac," Webb answered gently and then left.

Mac made her way back over to her sofa and laid down. A million thoughts raced through her head, the assignment, her friends, her family, and Harm. Shutting her eyes, images of Harm and Kate locked together in a passionate embrace played against her closed lids. She opened them again, leery of sleep, but not really wanting to face reality.

Dear God, how was she ever going to make it through any of this without losing everything?

The answer was simple. She wasn’t going to make it. She had already lost her heart and her soul.

Harm sat on his bed, the receiver still in his hand resting it against his forehead. Finally tossing the cordless phone on the night stand, Harm laid back and tried, futilely, to come up with a plan to get to Mac.

"Damn stubborn Jarhead. What the hell is going on with you?" Harm shouted to the phantom Mac. When there was obviously no answer, he couldn’t hold back his frustration. "God damn it, Mac !"

It was his own damn fault she wouldn’t talk to him. He had opened his big mouth and out had tumbled the biggest bunch of bull shit he’d ever heard. Why couldn’t he just tell her and everyone else how he really felt about her? Now she thought that he only wanted to be friends. Well that was true to an extent, but he wanted so much more from her than that. He wanted it all with her. He wanted a wife and a mother to his children. He wanted her body and her soul. He wanted Sarah Mackenzie.

Yet he had still spewed that garbage, about only being friends, to Kate. He had encouraged the reaction he had gotten from Kate that night by telling her he was basically free. When actually, nothing could be farther from the truth. Thinking Kate had gotten the picture after her failed attempts at seduction, he was totally stunned today, when she had tried again. Again he had lost Mac’s trust over nothing.

Cursing Kate, himself, and the hand that fate had dealt them, Harm rolled over trying to find some kind of peace. All he found was a steely resolve deep within him to set things right with her. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would make her tell him what was going on and they’d find a way to deal with it together. She would never be alone again, not if he had any say in it. Tomorrow, he promised himself. Tomorrow...

Feeling slightly better, Harm drifted off to sleep, his last conscious thought of his beautiful Marine.

JAG Headquarters
0730 Local

Harm was impatiently waiting for Mac in her office, determined not to let another day go by without settling things between them and getting to the bottom of her problems. He had arrived at 0700 hoping that she would be in at her usual time. She had not shown up yet, but was not officially late until 0800. He would have waited in his office for her, but he was afraid she would slip by him.

20 more minutes passed. He kept checking his watch while he sipped his coffee, concerned when she didn't show up. He knew that she had been arriving late, but was also aware of the Admiral's strict injunction to her to "get her act together."
Finally, at 0800, she rushed in the JAG doors and headed for her office. Stopping short after entering, Mac was surprised by Harm's appearance in her office. "Harm! What are you doing here?" Dropping her briefcase in a chair, she started shuffling through files on her desk, avoiding his eyes.

Looking her over carefully, Harm noticed his normally calm and focused marine was looking harried and tired. The circles under her eyes betrayed another sleepless night.

When he didn't answer immediately she looked up at him. "Harm?"

"I'm here to finish our conversation, Mac. I didn't want you to leave last night. You are more important to me than Kate. You are more important than anything." His blue eyes revealed his worry and concern.

Dropping her eyes from his again, she picked up some folders and stuffed them in her briefcase. "Well, I'm sorry, Harm. My problem isn't that big of a deal, I can handle it. And anyway, I'm going to be late for court if I don't get out of here. Sorry."
Mac was panicked. She had to get away from him before she spilled everything to him. She couldn't afford to do that. She'd had a second, terrible nightmare last night. In it she had showed up at JAG, and everyone was dead, shot to death. Clay had appeared beside her. "I warned you, Mac. You shouldn't have told him. I warned you." Mac couldn't suppress the shudder at the memory of the vivid dream.

Harm noticed her shudder, aching to put his arms around her, to comfort her. God, what could be wrong?

As Mac started to head out the door, Harm put out a hand, catching her arm. "Slow down, Mac. I know Court isn't until 0900. We need to talk. I need to talk. Please," his eyes pleaded with her, begging her to give him one more chance.

She hesitated, clearly at war with herself. "Harm, I want to, but it isn't that simple." He was so hard to resist when he looked at her like that.

Taking the briefcase from her hand, Harm again set it down. Grasping her hand in his, he drew her back into the office. "Please, Mac. We can make it that simple."

There was a knock at the door. Breaking her gaze away from his and withdrawing her hand, she called out.

"Enter".

Tiner stuck his head in the door. "Sorry to interrupt, Ma'am, Sir, but the Admiral wants to see the Commander, ASAP."

Harm cursed under his breath. "I'll be right there, Tiner." Tiner's head withdrew, leaving them alone again.

"Mac, please." He reached out and touched her cheek. "I want to know what's going on. I care about you, Ninja-girl."

Tears welled up at the unexpected use of the endearment. Catching his wrist in her hands, she held it for a moment, wishing with all her might she could tell him everything. Closing her eyes, Mac gathered all of her strength, and gently pushed his hand away from her cheek.

"You'd better go, Harm. You know the Admiral hates to be kept waiting."

"Will you be here later?"

She nodded, all the while knowing he wasn't going to be. He was going way, Clay was seeing to that.

He smiled gently at her. "I'll catch you after Court then. Okay?"

Again she nodded, too overcome with emotion to speak. She knew she wasn't going to see him again for a while, and when she did, nothing would be the same.

He turned and left her office.

The tears started falling. "Goodbye, Harm," she whispered. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her chest.

Admiral Chegwidden's Office

"Reporting as ordered, Sir." Harm stood at attention in front of the Admiral.

"Have a seat, Harm." The Admiral said nothing as he sat down, his
expression serious.

"You have new orders, Commander. You are going TDY to the Patrick Henry for one month, possibly longer."

"What?" Harm gasped, his surprise causing him to break protocol.

The Admiral stood and walked over to the fireplace, where a fire crackled.
"It appears that three of the pilots on the Patrick Henry have had family emergencies, and they are short handed. You realize that the ship is currently over near Afghanistan. You are to assist in the bombing campaign there."

"But, Sir, my designator has not changed. I am a staff officer here at JAG. I haven't made any request to change it."

The Admiral regarded him. "I know that, Harm. This is a time when your piloting skills are needed more than your courtroom skills. You can understand that."

"Yes, Sir, I can. It's just, well, it's not exactly the best time for me to be leaving town."

"Because of the Colonel?"

"Yes, Sir. I've just started to make headway with her, Sir. With a little more time I can find out what's wrong. I know I can, Sir."

The Admiral sighed and rubbed his eyes. He too wanted to know what was going on with his Chief of Staff.

"Harm, I wish I could give you that time, believe me. But you don't have it. You have to be at Andrews to catch a flight by 1100. They need you out there, Son. Personal issues will have to wait."

"1100? But, Sir, Mac is in Court until at least 1200 hours. I won't even get to see her before I leave!"

"Those are your orders, Commander."

"Sir, I respectfully request some additional time." Harm stood up and went over to the Admiral, trying to let him know how important this was. "You know me, Sir. I do my duty regardless of the cost, and I won't hesitate here. But something is wrong with her, Sir, something bad. I can feel it, and I think you can too. I just need to talk to her one more time. It's important, Sir."

Harm pled his case, trying to convince the Admiral of his sincerity. He really would do his duty unhesitatingly, but there was something in Mac's eyes, something he couldn't ignore.

The Admiral looked at him sympathetically. "I understand, Harm. I really do. Unfortunately, these orders come from the SecNav's office, and I was told to implement them immediately, no exceptions. There is simply nothing I can do."

Harm's shoulders slumped, knowing when he was beaten. "Aye Aye, Sir. Permission to leave to prepare for my departure."

"Permission granted."

Harm came to attention, executed an about face, and left the office.

Back in his own office, he sat dejectedly at his desk, his head in his hands. It was like all the fates were conspiring against him. No matter what, he couldn't seem to catch a break with Mac. He cursed himself for wasting all the lost opportunities over the years. He had wasted so much time!

Finally, he pulled out a pen and began to write a letter to her in longhand. He didn't want the impersonal print of the computer; he wanted her to have the intimacy of handwritten note.

Dear Mac,

I'm sure you've heard by now that I'm TDY to the Patrick Henry for a month. I have to leave before you get out of Court; this is the only way I can say goodbye to you.

Whatever problems you and I have had over the years, you have remained the most important person in my life. Without you, my life would have been ruined when I would have killed the person responsible for Diane's death. Without you, I never would have found out whatever happened to my Father. Without you, I would probably be dead; you've saved my six so many times. You've always been there for me Mac, and gone farther for me than anyone else ever could or did.

There's one other thing you need to know, Mac. It feels strange to blurt this out in a letter, but I won't have the opportunity to see you before I go. I'm not involved with Kate. I couldn't let myself; not when there was a chance for you and me. I won't say more than that, because when I tell you how I feel, I want it to be face to face. Oh hell Mac, I love you. I always have. Please wait for me to come back, because I will be back for you.

Whatever is wrong, Mac, I'll be there for you. I know that sounds crazy when I'm going to be thousands of miles away, but I swear somehow I will be. I don't know what the problem is, baby, but I know that I believe in you and I will help you in any way I possibly can.

Please talk to the Admiral. Tell him what's wrong. He cares about you, Mac, not just as a CO, but as a friend. He would do anything to help you, you should know that. He's waiting for you to tell him, believe me. I wish so much that I could be here for you, but that's not possible. I didn't ask for this assignment, but I don't have the power to say no. I have to go, and you know why.

All my love,

Harm.

Reading the letter over one time, he couldn't help wishing he could tell her in person. The letter wasn't much, but at least it was a start. He wished he could hold her, kiss her at least once before he left, even though he knew once would never be enough.

Sighing, he folded the letter, put it in an envelope, and wrote her name on it. He rose and went to her office, laying the envelope on her desk where she would be sure and see it.

Taking one last look around, he left, not saying goodbye to anyone. It was too painful.

JAG Headquarters

1130 Local

Clayton Webb entered the building.

"May I help you, Sir?" Petty Officer Tiner asked, as always trying to be helpful. "Do you need to see the Admiral?"

"No thank you, Tiner. I'm here to see Colonel Mackenzie. Is she in?"

"She's in Court, Sir. She's due out shortly though."

"I'll just wait in her office then if that's all right."

Tiner nodded and left him to make his way to Mac's office.

Once there, he seated himself at her desk. Looking down at the envelope on her desk, Clay immediately recognized Harm's handwriting. Hating himself, he picked up the envelope and stuck it in his inside jacket pocket. "I'm sorry, Mac. I can't let Harm get to you, this is too important. I hope someday you forgive me."

Setting down, Clay waited for Mac to get out of Court.

JAG Headquarters

1210 Local

A.J. came out of his office, with paper work for Tiner. Looking up from the file in his hands, A.J. noticed the CIA agent sitting at Mac’s desk. Immediately suspicious, A.J. wasted no time in making his way across the bullpen to Mac’s open office door.

"Mr. Webb, to what do we owe this pleasure?"

Startled to see A.J. standing in the doorway, Clay recovered quickly by answering, "I’m just here to see Mac."

"I figured as much, since you’re sitting in her office. What I want to know is why you’re here to see her."

Clay gauged the man in front of him. Knowing he needed to tread lightly, Clay launched into his cover story. "Not that it’s any of your business, Admiral, but I’m just here on a social call. I was going to ask Mac to lunch."- ‘Come on, A.J. Just buy it and go on.’

‘Lunch, my ass!’- "Social call, huh? Since when did you and Mac get so close?" A.J. asked, eyeing Webb even more suspiciously.

Sighing, Webb decided to start with part of the plan. "Since I saw her at Malone’s about to drown herself in a vodka tonic." Clay watched as the Admiral tried to hide his shock.

Recovering quickly, A.J. started in. "What the hell are you talking about, Webb? When was this? Why would she throw away all of those years of sobriety to..."

"I have a feeling it had to do with a lot of things, however, the only one she mentioned was Rabb."

"Rabb? What about Harm," A.J. asked the question, even though he had a pretty good idea what the problem was.

"Don’t know for sure, but she said something about him having found someone else, that he didn’t want her."-‘I am going to burn in hell for this,’ Clay thought to himself.

"You’re saying she was going to throw it all away over a man? I don’t believe that, Webb. It would take a hell of a lot more than that. That is just plain ridiculous!"

"Look, A.J., I don’t know anything for sure. All I know is when I saw her she looked terrible and I kept her from taking the drink. I’m just here trying to make sure she feels like she has a friend."

Feeling somewhat chastised for jumping to conclusions, A.J. relented. "Alright, Webb. Talk to her. Make sure she’s okay. We’ve all been worried about her and all I want is for her to get herself back. If you’re the one that can do that then...well, go on ahead."

"I’ll try, Admiral. I’ll try."

Satisfied for the moment, A.J. nodded at the spy and left. Making his way back to his office, he ran right into Mac. "Hello, Colonel. Everything alright?"

"Why wouldn’t it be, Sir?" Mac replied a little too defensively.

"No reason, Mac. I was just asking a general question. Is there something I should be worried about?"

"No, Sir."

"Then that will be all, Colonel. Enjoy your lunch."

"I’m sorry, Sir?"

"Your lunch with Webb. Enjoy."

"Oh, yeah, lunch. Thank you, Sir." Distractedly, Mac retreated to her office, where Clay sat waiting. Shaking his head, A.J. tried to put all of the pieces together. And dammit, they just didn’t fit.

Closing her office door, Mac sighed dejectedly. "What are you doing here, Clay? I thought we were only going to meet secretly. This is a little...um, public don’t you think?" Dropping her briefcase in the chair in front of her desk, Mac crossed her arms in front of her chest. "What’s going on?"

"I wanted to take you to lunch."

Mac just stared at him, her stance all but screaming ‘Are you out of your mind?’

"Look, Mac we need to work out the details of the next part of the plan. It’s time to turn up the heat."

Not missing his meaning, Mac still blanched at the thought of the things that were to come. Standing up, Clay made his way around to the front of the desk, sitting on the corner in front of her. Taking her hands in his, not caring who saw, Clay spoke softly. "Look, Mac, we both knew this was coming. It’s necessary if this operation is going to work. You know deep down that these people will understand once they know the truth. They care about you. Deep down you know they’ll forgive you. But right now we have to think about the greater good here. We have to stay focused."

"Do I really know any of that, Clay? Do I really know how the Admiral will act when he finds out I didn’t trust him. How will Bud and Harriet feel about me seeing their son after all of the things that will be said about me before this is all over? How could Harm even..." Mac tried but failed to hold back the sob that escaped her throat.

"Come on let’s get out of here and talk somewhere else. You need to eat."

Wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand, Mac mumbled her response. "Not hungry."

"Oh Christ, Mac. You have to eat. Rabb will really kick my ass when this is all over if I let you waste away to nothing."

"Like he cares," Mac whispered, not really wanting to be heard.

"I think he cares more than you know, Mac. Come on, let’s go."

Mama Mia’s Pizzeria

1235 Local

Mac was pushing the large meat ball around on the plate of barely touched spaghetti. Her stomach was rolling, and Mac fought to keep from losing what little lunch she had eaten.

"Mac, look, I know this is difficult, but you’re strong. I know you can and will make it through this. We’re going to nail them and it’s all going to be because of you." Clay paused long enough to try and gather his thoughts before continuing. "Mac, I...I wanted to tell you how much I...have come to respect you, as a Marine and a woman. You really are amazing, Mac."

Mac’s head shot up at the softly spoken words. "Clay, I really appreciate it but..."

"I know, Mac. You don’t have to say it. I just wanted you to know that I...I think Rabb is a total fool for not realizing what he had right in front of him all along."

"Thank you, Clay. Although, as I said earlier, Harm doesn’t feel that way about me."

"How can you say that, Mac?"

"Because I heard him say it."

"You heard him say what?"

"That he wasn’t interested in me that way. That we were friends and that’s all we’d ever be."

"Who did he say that to?"

"Kate. Kate Pike. She was his old partner and she came back for a visit and well, I heard him say it to her."

"Mac, I know this isn’t going to mean much, but men say stupid things when they’re backed into a corner."

Immediately Mac’s mind drifted to Sydney Harbor. ‘Boy do they ever.’ Mac thought.

"What was that, Mac?"

Caught, Mac tried to back peddle. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Maybe they do, Clay, but that excuse stinks, and it doesn’t make it hurt any less."

"No, it doesn’t, but it also doesn’t mean that he wasn’t trying to save both of you from Kate."

Mac laughed at that, an awful, cynical sound even to herself. "I’m sure that’s what he was worried about. Trying to save himself from Kate. Jesus, Clay give me a break."

"Mac, look at me." When she finally complied, he continued. "He cares. He wouldn’t have tried so hard to help you if he didn’t. I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about how he’ll feel about you. I know you can’t always trust me, but you can count on that, Mac. He cares."

"Thanks, Clay. Now let’s change the subject. What comes next?"

"Well, Mac, now it’s time to fall off the wagon."

JAG Headquarters

1425 Local

"Tiner! Where in the hell is Colonel Mackenzie?" A.J. was beyond furious.

"Uh, Admiral, as far as I know, Colonel Mackenzie never made it back from lunch."

"What?!"

"Um, I said Colonel Macken..."

"I heard what you said the first time, Tiner."

"But, Sir, you just asked...."

Again A.J. cut off the young yeoman, heading back into his office. "Get me Webb on the phone, NOW!"

"Yes, Sir," Tiner managed to get out before the Admiral’s office door was slammed shut.

Sitting behind his desk, A.J. tossed his glasses across the blotter. "Damn it, Mac!" The intercom buzzed, alerting the Admiral that Webb was on the line.

"Webb, where the hell is Mac?"

‘Here we go.’ - "I have no idea, A.J. Isn’t she there? I dropped her off at JAG ops about an hour ago. She should be there."

Cursing under his breath, A.J. filled in the agent. "She never came back in, Webb. What did you say to her at lunch that upset her?"

"I didn’t say anything to upset her, Admiral. She said she was just having a hard time dealing with everything. I tried to get her to open up and tell me what ‘everything’ entailed but she stonewalled me. It did seem like there was something she wasn’t telling me, but I couldn’t get it out of her."

"Like what, Webb?"

"I don’t know, can’t put my finger on it exactly."

"All right, I’m going to see if I can’t get her cell phone, and if I can’t maybe she went home. Stick close, Webb. I might need your help."

"You got it, A.J. And if you do find her, let me know how she is. I’m worried about her, too."

"Okay, Webb." With that A.J. hung up the phone. Pushing the intercom button, he buzzed Tiner again. "Tiner, get me the Colonel’s cell phone."

"Yes, Sir." A moment later, Tiner was back on the line. "I’m sorry, Sir. I reached her voice mail. Would you like me to keep trying?"

"No, that’s alright, Tiner. I’m leaving for the afternoon. You can reach me on my cell phone, or page me if anything important comes up."

"Yes, Sir."

Grabbing his coat and cover, A.J. stormed out of the office, ready to get to the bottom of all of this.

Sarah Mackenzie’s Apartment

Mac watched as the Admiral stepped out of his car. He was eyeing the front of the building, trying to decide what to do. He looked over, noticing her car parked in front, and making his decision entered the building.

Mac walked over to the door, cracking it a little before walking over to the half empty bottle of vodka sitting on the coffee table. Calling on all her strength, Mac took a drink. Holding it in her mouth and swishing it around before spitting it out all over the front of her uniform, immediately overwhelmed by the smell and the taste. There was no way she was really going to take a drink so she was going to have to be one hell of an actress to pull this off. Quickly Mac laid face down across the couch, knocking the bottle over spilling it’s contents, just as she heard the Admirals footsteps outside of her door.

"Mac? Are you in there?" Walking into the apartment, A.J. noticed her prone form right away. Concern flooded him, wondering if she had been hurt, when he got close enough and smelled the alcohol and spied the half empty bottle knocked over on the table. "Oh, Mac."

"Mmmmmm." He heard her mumble. Trying his best, he pulled her up, seeing her disheveled hair and uniform.

"Mac, can you hear me?"

"A.J.? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Mac it’s me. Can you try to set up on your own?"

Trying to open her eyes, Mac slurred. "Nope. Don’t think so. If you can’t tell I think I’m inca..incopaci...oh, hell I’m drunk." She giggled, and A.J. thought he was going to be sick.

"Why, Mac? How could you do this? Why would you give it all up?"

Real pain lanced at her heart, and Mac gave the only answer she could. "Had to, no choice. Had no choice, got to believe me A.J. I had no choice..." she managed to get out before passing out in his arms again.

Gently A.J. laid Mac back down on the couch and covered her with a blanket off the back of the sofa. That done, he picked up the empty bottle taking it to the garbage. Plucking out his cell phone he dialed Webb’s number.

"Webb."

"Webb, it’s A.J. I found her...it’s not good."

"What’s going on? Is she alright?"

"She’s at her apartment, passed out drunk."

"Drunk? Why would she...?"

"I don’t know, Webb, but I want you to find out. She kept saying she had no choice. I want to know what the hell is going on, and I want to know yesterday."

"I’m on it, A.J. But for now I’m on my way over."

"Alright, I’ll stay with her until you get here. Soon."

"Soon," Clay agreed and then was gone.

Crossing over to Mac again, he checked to make sure she was still asleep and went to sit in the chair across the room. It was going to be a long day rest of the day.

When Clay arrived, A.J. let him in wasting no time with pleasantries. "So, did you find out anything?"

"Nothing yet. I have people working on it. As soon as I know, you’ll know. Have you gotten a hold of Rabb," Clay asked cautiously.

"No, Harm’s TDY on the Patrick Henry. He was really worried about her though, wish he could have stuck around. If anyone could have gotten through to her, it’s him."

"Yeah," Webb muttered. "Listen, A.J. go on. I’ll sit with her until she wakes up. You look like hell."

A.J. snorted, scoffing at the last comment. "I’m fine, Webb. I need to talk to her about all of this. I want to know what in God’s name could be bad enough to do this. She owes me an explanation."

"A.J. come on. She’s passed out cold and she’s not going to be in any condition to talk to you tonight. Let her have a chance to pull herself together before she has to face you. You know she’s going to be harder on herself than you could ever be on her, when she realizes what she’s done."

AJ looked at Mac's prone figure, realizing Webb was probably right. She really wouldn't be in any shape to talk to him tonight. "Okay, Webb. You win. I’ll go, for now. But stay with her, Webb, make sure she’s alright. Call me later and let me know how she is," A.J. admonished. God he really wished Rabb was here instead. "And Webb," he paused, waiting for Clay’s attention. "Tell her I have to know what’s going on. I’m not waiting any longer."

"I will."

Nodding silently, A.J. looked once again at Mac, and left.

Clay watched as the Admiral got into his SUV and pulled away before closing the curtains and walking back over to Mac. Looking at her tear stained face, Webb launched into an apology. "I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, Mac."

Opening her eyes, Mac could only nod, not trusting her voice. Finally, she was able to speak. "I need to shower, I have...it...all over me."

Standing up, Webb helped her up off of the couch. "You going to be okay by yourself tonight, Mac? Because I could stay if..."

"No, Clay. I’ll be fine. Go on, I really need to be alone now."

"Okay, Mac." Walking over to the door, Clay turned around to face her once again. "You know, Mac, things are going to go pretty fast from here on out. Just...just be ready."

"I’m ready."

"Night, Mac."

"Night, Clay."

Mac walked back over to the couch, stripping out of her soiled uniform as she went. Naked, she sat down, drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. Rocking gently, she tried to keep the tears at bay, but failed. She was so tired, but was so afraid to close her eyes. If she closed her eyes she would only dream anyway. And she didn’t want to dream. She wanted her life back. She wanted this nightmare to end.

However the real nightmare was only just beginning.

Following Day JAG Headquarters Admiral Chegwidden's Office
0900 Local

Mac was standing in the Admiral's office at attention, waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. She had not slept a wink, dreading this meeting all night long. The Admiral had left her standing at attention for two minutes and thirty-six seconds, and it seemed a lot longer.

Finally he stood up, walked around his desk and got right in her face. "Colonel, your behavior yesterday was inexcusable. I cannot and will not tolerate that kind of behavior from an Officer in my Command. I would never have expected that from you." His voice was low and angry as he spoke.

Mac did not reply, merely stared straight ahead, taking refuge in military protocol. It was the only refuge she had, and it wasn't much.

Leaning back against his desk, he continued "Because you have been in my Command for so many years, and I have never seen this type of behavior from you before, I am prepared to be lenient given certain circumstances.

"First and foremost, you give me your word that NOTHING like this will ever happen again. You can be certain that I will not be lenient a second time. If it happens again you will be charged and prosecuted with everything I can think of."

Pausing for a moment, A.J. gathering his thoughts. His tone changed a little, softening in spite of himself. "Second, Mac, I want to know what brought this on. I know you, Colonel, and you would not allow something like this to happen without a damn good reason. I expect you to tell me what is wrong, and I want an answer now."

Still at attention Mac replied shortly "No excuse, Sir." Outwardly she appeared calm; she knew how to handle anger. Inwardly, she cringed at what she was doing. She tried to comfort herself with the truth; that she had no choice. The truth didn't help.

"That's not good enough, Colonel! I want answers NOW!" He was really starting to lose his temper with her.

God damn it, she was backing him into a corner and openly defying him. He was not going to allow her to get away with it. If she didn't come clean, he would have no choice but to discipline her.

"Sir, I can only say that some personal problems overwhelmed my good judgment. I will do my best not to let that happen again. I also apologize, Sir, for my complete lack of military discipline and decorum." She did her best to remain expressionless, not an easy task in the face of an angry Admiral. A.J. paused again, trying to decide how to handle her. She was not going to make this easy, he could see that.

"At ease, Colonel."

Slipping into the at ease position, Mac placed her hands behind her back. Still avoiding his eyes, she stared straight ahead.

"Mac, I asked you a few days ago if something was wrong. You wouldn't tell me anything. Now it has interfered with your duties, and I am ordering you to tell me what is going on."

He waited for her to answer.

"I can only repeat myself, Sir. It is a personal issue that I hope to resolve soon." She was surprised at his continued attempts to help her, having figured that her refusal to answer would provoke him into disciplinary action.

He struggled with his temper again. "Damn it, Mac, this is serious. You've got to work with me here. I can help you, but you've got to give me something. I'm not playing games, this is your career you're screwing with."

He was met again with her stoic silence. She was giving him no choice.
"All right, Colonel. We'll do this the hard way. You leave me no choice. You are here by relieved of duty until a disciplinary hearing is convened. You will be back in my office in three days for said hearing. I have not decided if formal charges will be brought, but it is a possibility and I will let you know at the hearing. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Dismissed."

Turning. Mac left the office, closing the door behind her.

Infuriated at the whole situation, the Admiral flung his coffee mug across the room, shattering it against the wall. "GOD DAMN IT!"

Mac was just passing Tiner's desk when they heard the crash and the Admiral's curse. Both jumped, and Tiner looked at her with wide surprised eyes, but said nothing as Mac continued on to her office.

The Admiral was irritated with himself for losing his temper. Ignoring the mess on his wall, he sat back down at his desk and debated about calling Webb. `This is one time I really wish you were here, Harm. She needs you.' Damn it if Rabb had been here this whole mess could have been avoided.

Finally, he reached over and dialed Webb's number.

"Webb."

"Clay, it's A.J."

"How'd it go with Mac?"

"Don't ask." The Admiral rubbed his eyes in frustration.

"A.J., I've put a couple of friends on this. We're going to watch her, see where she goes and what she does. They're agents, but they owe me a favor. I'll get to the bottom of it"

"It's getting to be too late for that, Webb. She forced my hand by not talking. I'm giving her a disciplinary hearing in 3 days. I've got to have something before then, or it really will be too late. She's obviously not going to ask for help herself, and it looks like she's going to try and take whatever I dish out."

"I'm on it, AJ. I'll find out what's going on, I promise."

As they hung up, the Admiral still couldn't help but wonder what the hell could be going on with her.

Back in her office, Mac resisted the urge to lock the door, close the blinds, and cry her eyes out. With as much stoicism as she could muster, she picked up her purse and looked at her office one last time. As her gaze shifted to the bullpen, she could see Bud and Harriet talking. Harm's office was dark and closed. Everyone was busy. God, she loved this place.

Without saying a word to anyone, she walked out to her car, knowing the next time she came here everything was going to be different.

Arriving at home, the day stretched out before her, empty. She managed not to break down into tears, but the ache in her heart was a physical pain.

Picking up the phone she dialed Clay's number.

"Webb"

"Clay, it's Mac."
"Mac! Are you all right? AJ called me and told me what happened."

"No, Clay, I'm not all right but I'll make it. Are we ready for the next step?" Talking about how much it hurt was not going to help. It was better just to ignore it.

"Yeah. Meet me tonight at the Washington Monument, 7:30 sharp. We've got to stage some pictures. I've already got the documents you're giving the Iranians and the man you're going to give them to."

"Okay. I'll be there." Her expressionless tone worried him more than any tears could have. He was afraid for her.

"Mac, it'll be okay. Really, trust me."

"No, Clay. It won't be, I know it. This assignment is going to cost me everything I hold dear. But I'm not backing out. I'll do it, don't worry." As usual, she thought Clay was worried about the mission, not the participants.

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about you. Mac, I promise, I'll make them understand. I'm the one they'll blame, you'll see." Guilt over the whole situation was eating at him. He knew he had gotten too close to her over the years and he had started to care.

She let out a sigh. "Clay, this is pointless. I appreciate your concern, but there is nothing you can do to make this better. I'll
meet you tonight."

Wishing he could do something to give her some comfort, he thought about the letter he had taken. He couldn't give it to her yet, much as he wanted to. He knew wouldn't be able to give it to her until the mission was finished.

"Okay, Mac. See you tonight."

Washington Monument
1930 Local

Webb was already waiting for her when she arrived, along with two other men. One of the men looked like he was of Middle Eastern descent. One was introduced as Hamid, the other man as Jack; no surnames were given.

Webb was brisk and businesslike as he gave instructions, while Jack snapped pictures from a distance.

"Here, Mac, take these papers, put them under your arm. Now walk towards the steps. Hamid, look threatening as you walk toward her. Now Mac, hand them to Hamid."

Finally Webb was satisfied. "Okay, that's enough. Now let's get the tape. Do you remember everything Mac?"

She nodded. "Let's do it."

Jack pulled out a device that would allow recording the conversation from a distance. He gave them a nod to begin.

Mac: "Here are the documents you wanted. Please, give me word of them. Are they alright?"

Hamid: "Don't worry, Colonel. Your cooperation and these documents have insured and bought their safety."

Mac: "What about their freedom? You promised to let them go if I got you the information you wanted. I risked everything for this, you can't welch on the deal!"

Hamid: (laughing) "Colonel, don't you trust us?"

Mac: "No, I don't. I'm not getting anything more for you, no matter what. I did this once, but I will not do it again."

Hamid: "Then, Colonel, you will suffer the consequences. You are in this too deep now; we have you right where we want you. I will contact you with further instructions later."

Mac: "No, I'm turning myself in. I'm ready take the consequences, I deserve it."

Hamid: "But are you ready to let your family take the consequences?"

Silence.

Hamid: "I thought not. I will be in touch."

Webb made a cutting motion with his hand to Jack, who cut the taping device off.

"That's it. We've got it."

"Do you need anything else, Clay?" Mac was really tired and all she wanted to do was just go home.

"No, that's it. I'll see you two later." He nodded at the two men. "Jack, I'll need those pictures and the tape tonight."

Mac started to walk off and Clay hurried after her.

"Mac, wait." She paused to wait for his as he caught up to her.

"What?"

"Let me follow you home. I don't think you should be alone tonight, Mac."

"I appreciate your concern, Clay, but I'm perfectly capable of getting home all right."

"I know. Humor me. This is basically your last night of freedom for a while and I just thought you might not want to be alone" She stared at him, wondering if he wanted something she wasn't prepared to give.

"As a friend, Mac. Only as a friend."

"Fine. Follow me home. But I'm probably not going to be good company."

Reaching out, he tried to comfort her. "It's okay. I'm sorry, Mac. I really am."

She let him hold her for a moment before pulling away. "It's not your fault, Clay. This has to be done. I know that. It's difficult, but I know it."

He followed her home and walked her up to her apartment.

She stopped him at the door.

"Clay, I know you mean well. But I really want to be alone. I just" –– She broke off, emotion finally overwhelming her.

Taking her hand, he tried to sooth her. "I know, Mac. But you call me, anytime if you need anything. I mean it."

She nodded and startled him by kissing his cheek. "Thanks, Clay."

He felt so ashamed. He was using her in a mission and withholding a letter that he knew would make her happy. He hadn't read the letter, but he but he had a pretty good idea what it said.

Kissing her hand, he bid her goodnight. "Take care, Mac. I'll see you tomorrow."

Again she nodded, entering the apartment and closing the door as he left.
Tomorrow was going to be terrible and she only hoped she had the strength to get through it.

USS. Patrick Henry

Following day

Harm was lying in his bunk, thinking about Mac as usual. He was exhausted. Missions were being run around the clock, sleep was a precious commodity. If he could just be sure Mac was okay he would be enjoying this short return to flying a lot more. Unfortunately, all he could was worry about her.

Seems like that’s all he ever did anymore. He spent more time worrying about her than actually talking to her. Things had continued to be so awkward between them, even after semi-clearing the air. And now, whatever was bothering her was driving them further apart. Well, actually that wasn’t the only thing pushing them apart. He was to blame for most of their current problems.

Thinking again about the night Kate had interrupted them, Harm couldn’t help but wonder that if she would have just stayed, things would be completely different now. He could have persuaded her to tell him everything, and he could have told her all of those things he wrote in his letter. He could have told her that they would make it through all of this together. He could have told her that nothing she would ever do was so awful that it would change his opinion of her. He could have told her he loved her.

God he missed her so much.

Knowing that she had to have seen his letter by now, he couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling of relief that flooded him. She knows everything now. Surely they could work everything out now. Quickly the relief was replaced by doubt. What if she didn’t feel the same way about him anymore? What if she didn’t want them? "I need to talk to her. I can’t stand all of this not knowing." Harm tried to mentally calculate what time it was back home, but couldn’t get his mind to function so he gave up. It didn’t matter what time it was. He really needed to talk to her.

Throwing on his uniform, Harm made his way up to the communications room.

"What can I do for you, Sir?"

"I need to make a ship to shore call."

"Yes, Sir. Number please."

Harm gave the controller the number, then stood and waited patiently for Mac to pick up. Getting only the machine, Harm was torn about whether or not to leave a message. Deciding to go for broke he left one. Waiting for the beep, Harm began his message.

"Hey, Mac. It’s Harm. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye to you in person. I really wanted to. If there’s anyway you can, please try to get a hold of me here on the Henry. I still want to talk. Please, Sarah."

Satisfied that he had at least let her know he still wanted to try, Harm gave the receiver back to the operator. Then, thinking of something else, Harm asked again. "I need to make one more."

"Yes, Sir. Number?"

"Adm. A.J. Chegwidden, JAG headquarters, Falls Church, VA."

"Yes, Sir. Just a moment."

"Adm. Chegwidden's office. Petty Officer Tiner speaking."

"Tiner. It’s Cmdr. Rabb. Is the Admiral available?"

"Hold on a moment, Sir."

"Harm? That you?"

"Yes, Sir. I was wondering how things were going with the Colonel, Sir. Is she around."

A.J. was silent for a moment, trying to make a decision on whether or not to tell him about the incident yesterday. If he told Harm what he had seen, there would be no stopping Harm. He’d hop the next flight out of there, duty or not. Sighing, A.J. tried to hedge the truth. "Actually, Harm she’s not here. She’s taking some time off." ‘Not a total lie,’ A.J. thought to himself.

"Time off, Sir? Is she going away?"

"I don’t think so, Commander. She just needed a break. She should be back in another couple of days."

"Well, Sir, does she at least seem to be doing any better?"

"Not really, Harm. I’m still really worried about her. I’ve got Webb working on trying to find out what it is that she’s hiding from us. He should know something in the next few days also. Maybe we can get to the bottom of it before she does something to jeopardize herself or her career."

"I hope so, Admiral." Trying to tread lightly, Harm asked, "Admiral, I know it’s asking a lot, but I was wondering if you could keep me informed if you find out anything. I really...I really care about her, Sir. I just want to know that she’s going to be ok."

"Harm, you don’t have to say anymore. I know how you feel about her. I’ll keep you informed and I’ll take care of her, Son. I promise."

"Thank you, Sir."

Feeling a little better knowing the Admiral was keeping an eye on her, Harm made his way back to his quarters. It was still going to be hard. He felt totally helpless being a thousand miles from the one person that needed him most. Of course it wasn’t just one sided. Harm knew that he needed her too.

JAG Headquarters

1345 Local

"Admiral, Mr. Webb is here to see you."

"Send him in, Tiner." A.J. watched Webb closely as he made his way into the office. There was something bothering the agent, and A.J. had a premonition that whatever it was that he heard in the next few minutes was going to change all of their lives. "What do you have for me, Webb?"

"It’s worse than we thought, A.J. Mac is in serious trouble. I don’t even know how we’re going to get her out of this one."

"What the hell are you talking about, Webb? What could be that bad?"

"She’s selling secrets to the Iranians. She’s a traitor, A.J."

"That’s the biggest pile of horse shit I have ever heard in my life, Webb. What the hell are you’re people trying to pull anyway? There is no God Damn way Sarah Mackenzie would ever sell out her country, EVER!"

"Believe me, A.J., I didn’t want to believe it either. But the evidence doesn’t lie."

"What evidence?"

Walking over to the desk, Webb set his briefcase down, opening the clasps. Drawing out the photos and the tape, Clayton Webb set them down in front of the Admiral. "That evidence, A.J. I’m sorry, I really am."

Grabbing the photos from his desk, A.J. flipped through them, his heart dying a little inside. There was Mac handing over an envelope to a Middle Eastern man in front of the Washington Monument. More of the same followed and all A.J. could do was simply stare. Finally finishing the stack, A.J. spoke in quiet tones. "Let’s hear the tape, Webb."

Nodding mutely, Webb pulled a small cassette player out of his briefcase and loaded the tape into it. Pushing play, he sat back to watch A.J.’s reaction.

A.J. listened on in horror as Mac, dealt with the Iranian man on the tape. He heard every word, but still his heart wouldn’t let him believe what was right in front of him. "What is it exactly that they have on her, Clay?"

"Lost family in Iran. They contacted her with information a couple of months ago and from what we can tell they’ve been forcing her to get government information in order to buy their safety and their freedom. With everything that’s been going on over there, I’m sure they laid the guilt on her about their deaths. They had the upper hand. And with everything that’s happened to Mac in the last few months, I’m sure her emotional state didn’t help matters any."

"I don’t believe this, Clay. There’s got to be some mistake. I don’t care what the circumstances are; Mac would never do this. The agents that got this evidence, are you sure they’re trustworthy? Maybe they’re setting her up."

"A.J., I was with them. Do you think I would manufacture evidence against Mac?"

There was a short pause as the Admiral tried to take everything in.

"She was forced into it. There’s got to be something we can do." Even as he said this, he knew better. Treason was treason, no matter what.

"Doesn’t matter if she was forced or not, A.J. She still gave them classified information. Information that could cost lives. The man on the tape and in the photos is Hamid Mohammed Badr. He deals in international terrorism A.J. The very people we’re trying to fight and Mac is..."

"Hold on a minute, Webb. Let’s not blow this thing too far out of the water just yet. Let’s talk to Mac before we go anywhere else with this. I’m sure that if it is true, which I still have a hard time believing that it is, that Mac will do whatever is necessary to clear this up."

"What if she doesn’t, A.J.? What if she’s really guilty?"

"Then she will be punished to the fullest extent of the law, Webb, friend or not," A.J. answered somberly, turning his back to hide the pain of her betrayal from Webb.

When Clayton Webb spoke again it all but sealed the deal. "A.J., she is my friend, too. But as I said, the evidence doesn’t lie. No matter how much we care for her, what she did was wrong."

"I know, Webb. I’ll bring her in and discuss the situation with her. Formal charges will have to brought at that time."

"Are you going to let Harm know what’s going on?" Clay was trying to play it cool, but he had to ask. He would have to try to dissuade A.J. from getting Harm involved again.

"No. I’m not going to tell Harm now. If he knew he’d just be in trouble too. I can just see him going AWOL to get here. Hell, he tried to come back in a virtual hurricane to get to her and that was just her wedding. This is her life we’re talking about. We’d have two of them in the brig if he knew about this. I’ll deal with the pissed off Sailor when he gets back."

Sighing, more in relief than anything else, Webb continued, "Alright, A.J. All of the information is in that folder. You know how to reach me when the time comes."

"Yeah. I’ll be in touch."

Clay looked at A.J. taking in the defeated note of his features. Hating himself just a little bit more, Clayton Webb pushed him a little further. "A.J., we can’t wait on this. We have to find out everything she knows and everything she did. Lives could depend on it."

A.J. slumped into his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose in an effort to stop the pain that had settled between his eyes. "Don’t you think I know that, Clay? I’ll bring her in tomorrow."

"It can’t wait, A.J., it’s got to be done now. She might be in danger if they suspect we’re on to them." He had to push for this to happen now. He didn’t want A.J. or anyone to have time to think everything through.

The Admiral glared and him. Picking up the phone, A.J. barked into the receiver, "Tiner, get me Colonel Mackenzie."

Silence reigned as they waited. Both men miserable, albeit for different reasons.

"Colonel Mackenzie’s on line 2, Sir", Tiner informed him.

He put the speaker phone on. "Colonel? This is Admiral Chegwidden."

"Yes, Sir?"

"I need to see you here at JAG immediately. Something important has come up."

"I’m on my way, Sir."

Mac hung up the phone. Taking a deep breath, she tried to prepare herself for the coming storm. This was only the beginning, and Mac only hoped she had the strength to make through to the end.

Sarah Mackenzie's Apartment
1600 Local

Mac checked her uniform in the mirror, picked up her keys and walked to the door. Turning to take a last look around, she mentally checked off her list. Jingo had been sent to Chloe's, having told Chloe that she was going on a long mission, possibly for 3 months. She had also written a letter to her Uncle Mat with the same information. Utilities and rent had been paid 3 months in advance; her landlord agreed to watch out for strangers in her apartment. The refrigerator was cleaned out, turned off and propped open to avoid mildew. She had given Clay letters for all the people she cared about to be distributed if she was killed. Everything was taken care of. Straightening her shoulders, she closed and locked the door behind
her.

JAG Headquarters

Looking at the building that housed the people and job she loved, a strange calm came over her. The waiting was finally over. The strong spirit that had gotten her through all the rough times in her life had settled in, now that the time for action had arrived. She was as ready as she would ever be.

The journey to the Admiral's office seemed to be made in slow motion, her senses all at their highest perception.
The normal sounds of the office were peculiarly comforting to her. A glimpse of Bud and Harriet talking at Harriet's desk almost made her smile. Almost.

Two marine guards were standing outside the Admiral's office. Having a good idea what they were for, Mac returned their salute before knocking at the Admiral's door.

"Enter." The Admiral's voice sounded strained, as she knew it would.

"Reporting as ordered, Sir," she answered, coming to attention in front of him.

A.J. was seated at his desk while Webb was standing over by the fireplace. Meeting Webb's eyes briefly, she saw the compassion there. As quickly as she could, she looked away from him, focusing her attention on the Admiral. Gesturing to her to sit down, the Admiral came around his desk and leaned against it. He seemed unable to find the words to tell her what he wanted, so finally he handed her a folder.

Flipping the folder open, Mac knew exactly what she would find. It was the pictures she and Webb had engineered.

The Admiral reached over and pushed a button on the tape player on his desk. Immediately, her conversation with Hamid started playing. When the tape stopped, there was silence once again. After meeting the Admiral's gaze, she had look away from the pain she saw there.

"Colonel." AJ's voice came out a little choked. "Colonel," he tried again. "You must explain yourself to me or face charges of treason. There is no middle ground."

Mac had tortured herself with this scene a thousand times; a thousand different ways. Again, the knowledge that this was finally happening helped her through it. With a strength she did not know she possessed she said calmly to him, "There is no explanation, Sir. I am guilty." A sickening feeling went through her as she said this, knowing she was causing pain to a
man she respected and admired.

The Admiral's head fell forward a moment at her confession. Lifting his head, he stared at her with cold eyes. "Then I am charging you with treason and conspiracy to commit espionage, Colonel. You are now in custody and will be remanded to the brig until trial."

A.J. started to call in the guards out side of his door when Webb interrupted him. "A.J., let me talk to her. I have to find out what she knows and who else is involved."

"Webb, even a traitor has rights. She's an attorney, she will not speak to you without an attorney's advice."

"Yes, I will, Admiral." Mac's voice cut in. "The only thing I can do now is cooperate fully. I don't need an attorney."

"You haven't been informed of your rights, Colonel. I will not allow this to go forward until that happens."

"I know my rights, Admiral. As you pointed out, I am an attorney. I want to make a full confession to Webb, and I will plead guilty. There is no need for a long drawn out trial."

"Mac, I strongly advise you against talking to him until..."

"Admiral, what I did was wrong. I knew it then, and I know it now. And whether I tell Webb everything now or a week from now won't change what I've done. I'd rather just get it over with."

"Very well, Colonel. If you're determined to do this now, we'll do it now." As Webb started to move toward them, A.J. halted him. "Just a moment, Mr. Webb. I'd like to have a word with the Colonel, alone."

A panicked look crossed Clay's features and Mac visibly tensed but neither spoke right away. Finally Clay agreed.

"All right, A.J. I'll be right outside."

Once Webb had left them alone, A.J. turned to stare Mac down. After a brief moment of uneasy silence, A.J. let her have it with both barrels.

"God Damn it, Mac! Why didn't you come to us for help? Why in the hell would you risk everything?"

"Sir, I had no choice. They were going to kill them. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't just sit back and let them die."

"Mac, you had options. You could have told us what was going on."

"Us, Sir?"

"Me and the Commander, of course."

"Oh, right. I'm sure Harm could have squeezed in some time for me in between his dates with Kate Pike."

Okay, Harm was the wrong thing to bring up right now. Choosing to switch tactics and get away from Harm for the moment, A.J. tried again. "Mac, if you would have just come to me we could have figured out a way. I would have done whatever I could to..."

"Admiral, what could you have really done? I know I should have trusted you. I know that I should have asked for your help. But I didn't. I know I made the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm more than willing to face the consequences of my actions. I did what I thought I had to do to save my family. I'd do it again."

"Mac, I...I'm sorry. I just wish...I just wish you would have trusted me."
"I know, Sir. I wish I would have too. But, now it's too late."

Nodding his head, A.J. turned away. Walking over to the door, he opened it and called to Webb. "All right, Webb. Talk to her."

"If I could, Admiral. I'd like to speak to her alone."

"No, way! If she won't have a lawyer present then I'll..."

"Sir," Mac's voice cut in. "Sir, I'd rather you not be present. I'll tell Webb every thing he needs to know. Then you can send in the guards." At AJ's scowl she tried one last time. "Please, Sir. This is difficult enough as it is."

"Son of a bitch," A.J. growled, as he slammed the door to his office, leaving them alone.

"Well, that went better than I expected." Webb spoke, his head still turned toward the Admiral's closed door. When Mac didn't speak, he turned to face her. What he saw broke his heart. "Mac, you okay?"

"Damn it, Webb. Quit asking me if I'm okay. You know goddamn good and well that I'm not okay. I won't be okay until this is over with. But, am I going to make it? You better believe it! I am so fucking sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself. First it was Harm, then Dalton, then Harm, and more Harm, then Mic and my stupid wedding, then Harm again. Now all of this. I'm sick of it, and from here on out I am going to do this assignment to the best of my ability and then start my life over. Now, let's get the rest of this show on the road."

Through it all the pain was still in her eyes, but along with it was a steely determination that hadn't been there before. God, she was an amazing woman. If only she didn't belong to Rabb. Because, despite her protest to the contrary, her heart would always belong to Harm. Shaking his head to clear it, Webb spoke, "All right, Mac. Let's get on with it then." Walking back over the door, he opened it calling A.J. back in.

"She's ready, Admiral. I got what I needed." Without another word, Webb walked out of the office and exited the building.

A.J. looked once again at his former Chief of Staff and good friend. Then, with his own determination, A.J. called the guards in and ordered them to take her to the brig.

With her head held high, Mac walked past her friends and fellow co-workers as they watched on in a mixture of shock and horror. She tried to avoid looking at anyone's eyes, but was unable to avoid Bud's disbelieving stare. She shifted her eyes from his quickly, unwilling to look for sympathy or friendship.

The silence was deafening as they led her through the office she had once thought of as home. The journey seemed to take forever, but soon it was over, and the guards were placing her in the vehicle that would take her to the brig.

Life, as she had once known it, was over.

2/3