U.S.S.
NIMITZ
MEDICAL
QUARTERS
SEPTEMBER
22, 2001
Doc was exhausted.
He had decided to meet Harm on deck, not quite sure as to what to expect from the man. What he had received was silence. Silence and a cold stare. Not that Doc could blame him. To say that Commander Harmon Rabb was upset, would be an understatement. Doc could see the worry etched into every one of the young man’s features. Doc had immediately launched into his pre-ordained speech, giving Harm the specifics of the cases of both Leslie Martin and Patricia Harmon. To any common observer, both men appeared to be professionals, going over the facts of the investigation. But Doc was just trying to buy time. He knew Harmon Rabb wanted to know about Sarah Mackenzie, not Patricia Harmon, but location made the discussion impossible.
So, Doc had made a decision. He’d walked Harm right down to Mac’s quarters. And, after seeing the two together, he knew he had made the right one. They needed each other. Doc had quietly left the pair, knowing his presence was no longer required.
Now, all he had to do was check on Leslie Martin then he could call it a night. Walking over to Lt. Martin’s prone body, Doc checked to make sure everything was as it should be. Doc gave a soft snort at that last thought. Nothing was as it should be. This poor young woman was laying here in a coma, for Christ’s sake.
Leslie Martin had been a beautiful young woman and some...lunatic had tried to take her life away. The injustice of it all was almost overwhelming. Doc had seen death in his life. What with his chosen profession, it was inevitable. But it was something you never get used to, or at least Doc hadn’t. Being a doctor, he still had the desire to save lives. Seeing the brutality that had been bestowed upon this young woman made his stomach turn. And Mac...he didn’t even want to think about what his life would be worth if this had happened to Mac. Between Harmon Rabb, Clayton Webb, and his own guilt, his life wouldn’t be worth a damn.
"You alright, Doc?"
Doc spun around at Candy’s soft whisper. "Yeah, I’m okay. Just really tired, that’s all."
Candy studied the man in front of her. He was so different from any other man she had ever met. So strong yet so gentle. He was such a contradiction. There was just something about him. He was a large man, six foot three, and made out of solid muscle. The dark hair that was greying at the temples and beautiful green eyes made him the most gorgeous man she had ever seen. But none of that mattered, that wasn’t the reason she was falling for this man. It was his compassion, his dedication, to his work and to his patients. She has been with him only a short time, but in that time, had seen a kind of caring she didn’t know existed anymore.
At the same time, Doc took in the alluring beauty before him. He’d tried, really he had, but he just couldn’t help it. Candy was incredible, not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. She was loyal, kind, compassionate. He’d never met a woman this completely beautiful in every way. Which was saying a lot because, outside, she was stunning. Her golden blonde hair, when down, hung just below her shoulders. What he wouldn’t give to run his fingers through it, feel it’s silky softness splayed across his chest. Or her blue eyes; what would they look like when darkened with passion? What would it feel like to press her incredible body against his? To touch her, to bring her to the edge, to fall over with her. Doc could feel his body responding to her, even though he wanted to push her away. He couldn’t start a relationship with her. And he sure as hell couldn’t just sleep with her. There was nothing he could offer her because his lifestyle wouldn’t allow it. Doc had made a choice a long time ago, and now, all he could do was live with it, alone. It wasn’t fair to make her live a lie as well. He couldn’t do that to her.
Candy watched the emotions war across his face. She wished so many things in those few brief moments, that he’d let her in, that he would trust her with the secrets he was keeping. Oh course, she knew he was hiding something, had known it since he’d arrived three months ago. The man was a total mystery, but just as transparent as well. Again, she smiled at the contradiction that was this man.
"You look tired. You really need to get some rest."
"Yeah, I was just heading that way. I was just going to check on Lt. Martin, and make sure that the changing of the guard had taken place."
"Carol just got here about ten minutes ago. She’s in the office if you need her."
"No, that’s okay. As long as someone is with her, I’ll just go on ahead and go."
"Alright. Goodnight, Doc."
"Night, Candy." He was about ready to walk out the door, when something stopped him. Turning, he saw Candy watching him. Something snapped inside of him, and before he could stop them, the words were out of his mouth. "You’re shift is over, right?"
"Yes."
Hesitantly he asked, "Would you like to get a cup of coffee, or something?"
The bright smile that spread across her face did amazing things to his stomach, as did her next words. "I would love some coffee...or something."
"Umm, alright. Let’s go."
Opening the door, he let her pass, before glancing back at Leslie one more time, and shutting the door behind them.
Mark Gardner watched as the Doc, and what looked like the nurse, left sick bay. He had tried, on several occasions, to get to Leslie and finish the job. However, somehow, something always stood in the way. He couldn’t even get close to her because she was being guarded, day and night. Frustrated, Gardner walked closer to the door, trying to see if anyone was still up and around. Looking through the small glass window, he saw the other nurse on staff, checking Leslie’s vitals.
Damn! Every time he tried, someone was always there. Stalking back up the corridor, Mark made his way towards his cabin. Maybe, tomorrow he’d be able to get in. Maybe, he could get Patty to get him in to see Les. Speaking of Patty, maybe he’d just take a slight detour past her cabin. ‘You never know, maybe she’ll let me in,’ he thought to himself. Ah, all the possibilities. It was definitely worth checking out. Feeling the excitement he felt every time he thought about the sexy marine, he changed directions and headed toward her cabin.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
MESS HALL
Doc sat nervously fidgeting with his coffee cup, having no idea why he’d asked Candy to join him. He had already had this battle with himself, every day for the last three months. There was no future for them. After this assignment he’d move on, and the chances of ever seeing Candy again were slim to none. So, again, he asked himself the question: why?
"Because you wanted to spend time with me, get to know me."
Startled by her voice, Doc looked up, his shock evident. "Did I say that out loud?"
"No, Doc, you didn’t but I could see the question in your eyes. Why are you so afraid of letting me close to you?"
"Look, Candy, there are a lot of things that you don’t know about me. A lot of things I can’t tell you. And letting you get close wouldn’t be fair to either of us."
"What is it? Are you married?"
Giving her a soft chuckle, Doc answered, "No, I’m not married."
"Are you involved with someone?
"No."
"Then what is it? What ever it is, it can’t be that bad."
"Candy, you have no idea..."
"Well, then tell me."
"I can’t."
Sighing in frustration, Candy stood to leave. "Look, it’s late, and you look beat so I’m just going to go. I’ll see you tomorrow, Doc."
"Wait, Candy. Look, don’t go. Finish your coffee and then I’ll walk you back your quarters."
"I’m a big girl, Doc. I can make it back just fine."
"At least finish your coffee."
"You know? All of a sudden, I just don’t feel like coffee. Night Doc."
"Candy wait," Doc pleaded, even as he reached out to stop her. "I don’t want you to go."
"What do you want, Doc?"
Looking up at her, again indecision marred his handsome face. Finally, he spoke. "I want to get to know you."
"Are you sure? Because, not five minutes ago, you sat there and told me there were all kinds of reasons why we shouldn’t get to know each other."
"I know and at this very moment, none of them seem to matter."
Candy had ceased breathing. Wanting this man with every fiber of her being, she was uncertain about how to proceed. Never had she wanted something this badly. So it was with great caution that she broached this delicate subject. "Well, I ‘d like to get to know you too. However, I’m still not interested in coffee any more."
Standing up in front of her, so close their bodies almost touching, Doc’s voice came out as a whisper. "Maybe we should get out of here."
"Maybe," was all she could reply.
"Shall we?"
"Please."
Taking her by the elbow, he led her down the narrow corridor, not to her quarters, but to his. The war with himself was all but forgotten, for in this moment, nothing else mattered. Wanting her from the moment he had laid eyes on her, he had tried to convince himself that he didn’t need this, didn’t need her. But every fiber in his being yearned for her, ached for her. He had even tried to distance himself from her, while in the office, as much as possible. But somehow, she always had found a way to get close to him. They had been drawn to each other from the start, and no amount of pushing away could keep them apart. Now, he didn’t even want to try. Right now, he wanted to pull her close and forget, for just a little while; to pretend that it was just them.
Reaching his quarters, Doc hastily pushed the door open, guiding Candy inside. Once inside the small stateroom, the floodgates were opened. The passion swept over and consumed them, and both were ready to surrender to it’s powerful embrace. Kicking the door shut with his foot, Doc wasted no time drawing her into his arms. Mouths met and fused with a fire that threatened to spark out of control.
His hands roamed over her body, seeming to touch everywhere at once. His urgency ignited her own, and soon, all conscious thought vanished. Only feelings remained. The feeling of his lips slowly devouring her, his tongue plundering the sweet recesses of her mouth. How her breasts felt, cradled in the palms of his hands. The feeling of his hard arousal pulsing against her stomach.
Feeling her knees go weak, she clung to him. Doc turned them and pinned her against the door, giving them both the leverage they needed. Working the buttons on her blouse, soon her heaving breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze, his mouth finding the beating pulse in her neck. His tongue nibbled and sucked at the soft skin, causing Candy to moan and arch her back, thrusting her breasts into his hands. Doc's lips moved over her skin, setting it on fire, as his thumbs teased her nipples into taut peaks through the sheer fabric of her bra. Soon his mouth was closing over the hardened bud, sucking it into his hot mouth, as her hands moved up and down his back. Finally resting her hands on his ass, she pulled him closer, the lower part of their bodies melting together.
"Oh God, Candy. I need you," Doc murmured against her breast.
"You have me, Doc. I’ve been yours since we said ‘Hello’," her breathy reply, as she slowly began to unbutton his uniform shirt, exposing his sculpted chest.
"I can’t promise forever. All I can give you is now," Doc whispered as his fingers began to make short work of the rest of her uniform and panties.
"I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. One moment at a time, one sensation at a time, even if it’s just for tonight," her fingers trembling as she reached for the buckle of his belt. Relieving him of the rest of his clothes, they stood before each other naked and panting, wanting and needing.
Unable to stand it any longer, he cupped her bottom and lifted her up against the door. Instinctively, her legs wrapped around his hips as he entered her.
"Oh yes! You feel so good. So good...," Doc nearly shouted as her inner muscles tightened around him. "So hot, so tight."
"Oh God yes. Oh, that’s it. Mmmm...," was all she could manage as the feelings finally overwhelmed her. "Aaaahhhh..."
Thrusting into her again and again, she met him, matched him. Sensing she was as close as he was, his mouth covered hers to muffle their joint cries of release. At last, her body clenched around him, the shudders of her orgasm wracking her body. Knowing she had reached her peak, he continued to pump into her until he felt his own body explode, and his seed spilled into her.
Collapsing against her, Doc held her, never wanting to let go of the gift he had just been given. Again, the emotions reached the surface. Knowing he should walk away, he couldn’t will his body to do what needed to be done. So he clung to her, his forehead resting against hers. Looking into her eyes, he saw what could only be called love, and it scared the hell out of him. Still he couldn’t walk away, not from her. Not when all he wanted to do was take her to his bed, wrap her in his arms, make love to her again and again...
Candy remained silent. She knew her life, her future, depended on the next words spoken between them. Too scared of the outcome, she knew she wouldn’t be the one to utter them. She knew what she wanted, but it was up to him to take the next step, whatever direction it happened to be in. Looking into his eyes, she tried to convey to him, with unspoken words, how she felt, what she wanted.
"Stay with me tonight."
Releasing the breath she had unconsciously been holding, a bright, beautiful smile lit her face. "Yes."
Moving them as one, he laid her gently down on the bed, then proceeded to show her all over again how much he needed her.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001
Mark Gardner made his way around the corner, his eyes downcast, and ran right into the tall sailor in front of him.
"Oh, I’m sorry. Should have been paying attention where I was going."
"That’s alright. Not a problem."
"I was on my way to see someone and I guess I was a little distracted. Of course, I don’t know if she’ll even want to see me, it is kind of late. But I really needed to see her, if you know what I mean," Gardner gushed, his need to brag to another male overruling his common sense.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I have someone I feel the same way about."
"Well, we’ve only met a few times before. She works in the same office as a friend of mine. That’s where I met her," Gardner continued to ramble. "She’s so incredible. I just needed to know if she feels the same way, and I didn’t want to wait until morning." Finally, noticing the officer in front of him wasn’t really interested in his love life, Gardner changed the subject. "Hey, gold wings and a JAG insignia. You a flying lawyer, or something?"
Folding his arms across his chest in a defensive gesture, the tall man in front of him just stared for a moment before commenting, "I’m a JAG lawyer and a Naval Aviator."
"I was just joking, sir. I didn’t mean to offend you."
The other man relaxed somewhat, "I’m sorry. It’s just been a really long day. I’m here investigating the assaults on the two Lieutenants on board." Offering the other man his hand he introduced himself. "Commander Harmon Rabb."
Gardner squelched the panic that threatened to choke him, and in a gesture of good will, Mark held out his hand. "Captain Mark Gardner."
U.S.S. NIMITZ
DOC’S QUARTERS
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001
Candy could tell he was asleep. His breathing was soft and steady against the crook of her neck, and the arm across her abdomen had slackened. As silently as she could, Candy removed his arm, and left their bed. Making sure Doc had remained asleep, she then padded over to his desk. Rummaging through the papers, she scanned each one briefly, trying to catch even a hint of what she needed to know. What she found was absolutely nothing.
Looking fleetingly at his laptop, she quickly decided there was no way she could turn it on, and find anything out, without waking the sleeping man not five feet away from her. Maybe she could get to it some other time. Still searching through the contents of the desk, she finally found the file on Lt. Martin’s assault and Lt. Harmon’s, A.K.A. Lt. Col. Sarah Mackenzie, investigation into the impending assassination attempt on Sen. Bobbi Latham. Scanning the notes, she noted they had still found nothing that was of any consequence. Gardner was still the prime suspect, but initial inquiries had yielded nothing.
Watching her, he felt his heart breaking. She was hunched over his desk, shuffling through papers, scanning contents. Of all the people it could have been, why did it have to be her. The ache was overwhelming. Silently he waited, until she finished reading and set the papers right, stacking them neatly. Undecided as to what to do next, he remained silent, until she was on her way back to bed.
"What were you doing?"
"Oh, you’re awake."
"Yes."
Not even breaking stride, Candy launched into her story. "Well, to be honest, I was trying to decide if I should stay the rest of the night, or leave a note and head back to my quarters. I was looking for a sheet of paper, and when I couldn’t find one, I talked myself into going back to sleep with you."
The look of innocence she was wearing might have fooled most people, but Doc had seen her, watched her. She was lying, and it broke his heart all over again. But, needing to know more about what she was really up to, Doc decided to play along. "Oh, well then come back to bed," he said even as his arms opened to her.
Candy had noticed the change in him immediately. Knowing he suspected something, she had no choice but to play along. Moving into his embrace, Candy nestled against him, her back against his chest. She couldn’t face him, not now, knowing what she had to do to him. Never before had she doubted the decisions she had made in her life, but in this moment, she hated the hand the fates had dealt her. Chiding herself silently, she realized the fates couldn’t be blamed. She had made the bed she was in, and she had lied to get there.
A tear fell down her cheek, followed by another and another, as if they could wash away all the mistakes, all the pain. And there would be pain, on both sides. Coming into this assignment, she had not counted on the instant attraction between them. Candy had planned to just do her job and walk away, as she had so many times in the past. But Doc had broken through the barriers she had carefully crafted around her heart. He had reached a place no other person had come close to, and Candy had done the one thing she had promised herself she would never do: fall in love. Now the task that lay ahead would bring heart ache to them both, and she had no one to blame but herself.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
INDIAN OCEAN
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001
Rage. Pure rage, coursed through Harm’s whole being. Studying the man before him, it was everything Harm could do not to grab Gardner and beat the hell out of him. Irrational thought had taken up residence, and Harm was almost willing to let his emotions rule his actions. Clenching his fists at his sides, Harm tried to will his mouth to speak evenly.
"So, Captain Gardner, this woman is pretty special?"
Immediately on the defensive, Gardner treaded lightly. "Yeah, she is. I really don’t know how she feels about me though. We barely know each other, but I was hoping there could be more between us."
Barely holding the anger at bay, Harm replied through clenched teeth, "Well, you never know. Maybe you should try to see if she’s up to it tonight. You might get lucky."
Knowing when to retreat, Gardner stammered out a hasty reply, "No, I guess it is pretty late. It will wait till tomorrow. It was very nice meeting you, Commander. Good Luck with the investigation."
"No, Captain. Good Luck to you. You’re going to need it." The double meaning in Harm’s words weren’t lost on Gardner.
Giving a brief nod, Mark Gardner turned on his heel and stalked away.
Harm waited until Gardner had made his way down the corridor and out of sight, before heading back to Mac’s door. His fist was poised, ready to knock, when her door swung open.
"Harm, what are you doing?"
"I could ask you the same thing. Where are you going?" Harm couldn’t keep the harshness out of his question, as he pushed Mac back into her quarters and closed the door. "I thought I told you not to go off and do things on your own."
"What? I wasn’t going anywhere. I heard voices out here, one sounding a lot like a certain JAG lawyer I know, and was just wondering what the hell was going on."
Looking sheepish, Harm avoided making direct eye contact with her. "I just met someone in the hall, that’s all."
"Harm..."
"Alright, it was Gardner."
"What?"
"Gardner was coming here to ‘talk’ to you. At least that’s what he said. Said that there was a very special woman that he’s interested in and wanted to see if she felt the same way."
"Did he say it was me that he wanted to talk to?"
"Well...no. Not exactly."
"Maybe he was really talking about someone else."
"Oh, come on, Mac. He was on his way to your quarters. He said that this ‘special woman’ worked with a friend of his in the same office. That would be Lt. Martin, making you that ‘special woman’, Mac."
"Ok, Harm. Say that I am that woman. What am I supposed to do about it? He didn’t make it here because my pit bull stopped him before he got to the porch," Mac couldn’t help but tease. "We’ll never know for sure what he wanted."
"I can tell you what he wanted, Mac."
"And what would that be, Harm?"
"He wants you. What guy wouldn’t want you? You’re beautiful."
Trying to smother a smile, Mac couldn’t help but ask, "So, would that be all men in general, or just the ones that stand outside my door?" A giggle threatened to erupt as Mac watched Harm’s eyes get as big as saucers.
Realizing what he had just said, Harm tried to stammer through an explanation. "Well, Mac. You know that...that you are an attractive woman and that men...find you...attractive."
"Very smooth, Rabb." Taking pity on him, Mac changed the subject. "So, did he leave?"
"Yeah," Harm answered, relieved that she had let him off the hook.
"Then why did you come back here?
"I...didn’t want you to be alone."
"Harm, I thought we talked about this."
"Mac..."
"Harm, I am still undercover. You can not stay here all night, no matter how much I want you to."
That smug, ‘flyboy’ grin started tugging at the corners of his mouth. "No one would have to know. No one saw me." Harm tossed his cover and brief case back down on her desk before walking slowly toward Mac. "I could stay, spend the rest of the night holding you, and leave early before anyone notices." His husky voice cascaded over her, sending ripples of pleasure zinging through her body. If just the sound of his voice could do that, what would happen if he actually touched...
Finally reaching her, they stood facing each other. Mac held her breath, knowing that if Harm touched her, she would melt and give him anything he wanted. Trying to be strong, Mac took a step back. "Harm, there is no way to tell for sure that someone didn’t see you come in here. We have to think about this assignment...we have to..."
Taking another step forward, Harm reached for her drawing her gently against him. "I don’t want to think anymore, Mac. I want to feel..."
His lips, so soft and gentle, descended upon hers. Nibbling, tasting, Harm tried to keep it light, to just savor the feel of her mouth on his. But too soon, the flames of desire spread like wild fire, threatening to consume them both. Her lips parted and his tongue invaded the moist recesses of her mouth. He could feel his body responding, tightening. It would be so easy to make love to her.
Sarah Mackenzie was floating. Never had Harm, kissed her this way. They had shared kisses before, but never like this. The others were as friends or just the beginning of undiscovered feelings. Even earlier tonight, those kisses were meant to comfort. This kiss was fire and passion, heat and desire. It would be so easy to give in, to make love with him...
"Harm?" Mac finally asked, when his mouth left hers to place light kisses along her jaw.
"Hmmm?" Harm mumbled even as he nibbled on her ear lobe.
"Harm, we can’t do this." Although, for the life of her, she couldn’t remember why with him licking the sensitive place on her neck.
"I think we’re doing a pretty good job of it, don’t you?" Harm stated, while working his way down to the valley between breasts.
"Harm, we need to stop." God knows she didn’t want to, but she also knew they had to. Not only because of the assignment, although that was a large part of it, but because she just wasn’t ready. There were so many things that still needed to be sorted out, and Sarah Mackenzie still needed more time.
The word ‘stop’ immediately penetrated the haze of passion that had engulfed him. Harm stood and looked at her, afraid of what he might see in her eyes. More than anything, he was afraid that she didn’t want this, didn’t want this intimacy with him.
Mac could see the fear and uncertainty in every line of his face. Wanting to reassure him, Mac headed, full steam into an explanation.
"Harm, look. We can’t do this now. We both have work to do. We have less than a week to find this traitor and we still don’t know who it was that did this to me. As, much as I want you, want this, I don’t think we’re ready for it. Or at least, I know I’m not. Please understand."
Sighing, Harm took her hands in his. "I do understand, Mac. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you, I just can’t help but feel overprotective where you’re concerned. And I can’t help the desire I feel every time I’m near you. I care about you, Mac. And as much as I want you, want this, I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. And your right, we need to focus on this assignment. But, when we get home, Mac, I’d like us to really work on...us."
"We will, Harm." Mustering up more willpower than she felt, Mac proceeded to push Harm toward the door. "Now you, Commander, need to march right on across the hall and get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
"Yes ma’am." Harm was almost to the door before he replied. "Mac...just please be careful. And if you need me, come get me."
"I will, Harm. Now get out of here already."
"Alright, I’m going." His hand was on the door when he heard her ask, "Harm?"
"Yeah, Mac?"
"Do you really think I’m beautiful?"
Turning around, the intensity in his eyes left no room for doubt. "I have always thought you were beautiful."
"Thank you," her voice barely above a whisper.
"You’re welcome, Sarah." With one last smile, he turned and walked out the door.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
INDIAN OCEAN
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001 07:45
After a minimal amount of fitful sleep, Harm finally roused himself enough to get up and stagger to the shower. Unable to go right to bed, Harm had spent most of the night pacing, listening for the slightest sound that might seem out of place. Mac might not have been all that concerned about Gardner, but he sure as hell was. Mac hadn’t seen the predatory look in Gardner’s eyes, but he had.
Despite her insecurities about being beautiful, Harm would be the first to testify that she was gorgeous, and every other man with eyes would say the same thing. Of course, if he caught any other man looking at her, he wasn’t sure he could be held accountable for his actions. A part of him knew, and accepted, that what he was feeling was just good, old fashion jealousy. The other part of him was terrified that the one woman that meant the world to him could be in danger.
Standing under the stinging spray, Harm couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips when he thought of Mac. That smile was finding it’s way there more and more lately. Ever since his crash, and their initial ‘talk’, Harm had tried to do everything he could think of to try to win back Mac’s trust and friendship. They had become really close over these past few months, closer than they had ever been. His swim in the ocean had effectively changed his whole outlook on life, and had finally pushed him in the right direction, toward Mac. He had given up on the notion of denying how he felt, to himself and to everyone else. He was crazy about her, and if all continued to go right, he would go about sweeping her off her feet as soon as they got home.
Flashes of their kiss last night streaked across the back of his closed lids. If he tried hard enough, he could almost feel her body against his, taste her on his lips. Harm groaned as the now familiar reaction to thoughts of her, became evident in the lower parts of his body. ‘Get a grip, Rabb. Okay, maybe that’s not exactly the best choice of words at the moment. But, hey, what’s a man to do? When there’s someone that looks like Mac, occupying your every waking moment, and your dreams too, it’s only natural to have...that kind of reaction. Isn’t it?’ Harm reasoned.
Shaking his head, as if to banish thoughts of Mac from his mind, Harm washed as quickly as possible and stepped out of the shower. He had work to do. It was up to him to find out who was responsible for hurting Mac and Lt. Martin and try, at the same time, to find the traitor threatening to kill Bobbi. Wrapping the towel around his waist, Harm made his way into the outer part of the stateroom.
Lt. Patricia Harmon stood outside the door, debating on whether to knock, or just turn around and head to the office. Mac had hoped to use the guise of talking to the investigator in charge of her assault. Of course, Mac was willing to use any excuse just to see him again. She hadn’t been as unaffected as she had led on last night. On the contrary, she had been ready and willing, and that’s what had frightened her so much. Never one to allow her emotions to over rule her head on an assignment before, Mac was now totally unprepared to deal with this situation.
Working for the CIA had been exactly what Mac had needed right after college. Still carrying emotional scars from a lifetime of pain, Mac had flourished in a business where she could be someone, anyone, but herself. Her no nonsense, gung ho, Marine mentality had gotten her through some pretty tough assignments, and the chip she carried proudly on her shoulder had given her the edge. That is until it had been knocked off by a then Lt. Commander by the name of Harmon Rabb.
Knocking her for a loop from the word go, she had tried to steel herself against his obvious charm and incredible good looks. Being a professional, she was used to charm and deceit, they got you what you wanted. What she hadn’t been prepared for was a man of such truth and honor. Too soon, she recognized something in this man that stood him apart from every other man she had ever known, with the exception of her uncle: integrity.
Ever a man of his word, Harm had proven, time and again, that he could be trusted to do what he said he would do or die trying. His obsessions were endless but his motives were pure. Even through all that mess in Sydney, he had spoken the truth, she just hadn’t wanted to hear it. Now she was ready for it, to take their time, but she was also just as impatient for him. ‘Sheesh, I’m confusing myself,’ Mac thought to herself. "Come on, Marine. Just knock and get it over with." Raising her fist she knocked, tentatively at first, and then again with more bravado. ‘What’s the big deal it’s just Harm.’ Yeah, right. Who was she kidding?
"Who is it," came the muffled question from the other side of the door.
"It’s Lt. Harmon. I need to speak with you, sir."
After a moments pause, Mac heard his reply, "It’s unlocked, Lt. Enter."
Mac pushed her way into his stateroom, and was about to speak, when she looked up and noticed that Harmon Rabb was standing before her in nothing but a towel! ‘Good Lord!’ Mac’s mind screamed. All rational thought flew out the window at the incredible sight before her. The man was beautiful. His perfect body was still glistening from his shower, and Mac had the overwhelming urge to taste him, to lick the moisture off of his chest, down his stomach, down...down...
Trying to get her motor skills under control, Mac played the cod, her mouth gaping with no sound coming out. Knowing she had come here with a purpose, she willed her mind to function again. Mac was just really hoping, at the moment, that Harm had no idea where her thoughts were.
Harm knew exactly what kind of effect he was having on her, it was written all over her face. The impish side of him had wanted to see her reaction to his near nakedness, to know that she desired him as much as he did her. The practical side of him knew this couldn’t progress any farther than just that, looking; looking and wanting. Wanting to take her in his arms, wanting to touch her and have her touch him in return. The hungry look in her eyes, however, was playing hell on his good intentions.
"I...I really need to go...I...," was all she could stammer, finally finding her voice. "I’ll talk to you later," she managed to croak, as her hand fumbled behind her for the door handle.
Before she could blink, he was standing before her, the solid wall of his chest filling her vision.
"Don’t go."
Clenching her hands at her sides, her palms were itching to brush over the sculpted muscles, her thumbs wanting to circle his hardened nipples. Her breathing was becoming labored as she stared at his chest, her eyes involuntarily moving down his stomach following the fine line of hair, until it disappeared into the towel. Harm was standing so close to her that she could feel the heat radiating off of his body, or was it the heat generating from her? Harm stepped closer, and she stepped back, until she was pressed against the stateroom door. With Harm’s hands on either side of her head, their eyes locked, neither one willing to be the first one to look away, as his mouth hovered inches from hers.
His breath was hot against her lips. As soon as his lips closed over hers, she leaned into his body, seeking the heat that was always between them. Automatically, her hands came to rest on his chest, her fingers trailing through the hair covering it, circling his hardened nipples before her hand dipped lower. Brushing along the hair covering his stomach, her fingers teased along the towel’s edge, until she heard him groan deep in his throat.
Harm's hands came to rest on her hips, pulling her towards the lower part of his body, his throbbing erection pressed into her parted thighs. Rubbing against her mound, he could feel her respond by rocking against him. Feeling the heat emanating from her, he could smell their arousal, could almost taste her on his tongue. God he wanted, so badly, to drop to his knees and see if she did, indeed, taste as sweet as he thought she would. Dragging his lips away, he forced himself to take several deep breaths, before covering her hands with his, halting her ministrations.
"We need to stop now, Mac, or I won’t be able to."
Harm’s husky voice finally registered, as his forehead came to rest against hers. Looking deeply into his eyes, Mac realized how close they had come this time. Mustering all the strength she had, Mac agreed. "You’re right. We need to stop."
She had barely spoken, but Harm heard it loud and clear. Nodding his ascent, Harm kissed her fleetingly on the lips, before backing away from her. Needing to keep some semblance of normality between them, Harm turned away from her and started gathering his uniform. "So, what did you stop by for, Marine?" Harm tried to sound flippant, as if he wasn’t standing there in only a towel with Mac only five feet away from him.
Mac was trying not to be disappointed. Sure she had been the one that wanted more time, to take things slow. But dammit, it was like he could turn it on and off like a switch. How could he stand there and be totally unaffected by what had just happened between them? Anger replaced the desire in a split second. Well two could play at this game.
"I just stopped by to see if you wanted to visit Lt. Martin this morning. You’ll need to talk to Doc, he can tell you more about the specifics of her condition. Also, you might want to talk to the other girls in the office. I’m sure I’m not the only one that knew about Les’s affair with Gardner."
Listening to Mac go on about the investigation, Harm couldn’t help but be just a little put out. She sounded so calm, so composed. Harm had turned from her to hide his body’s reaction to their earlier actions. But, stealing a glance at her, she was the poster child for cool and collected. Unable to keep the irritation out of his voice, Harm bit out a harsh reply.
"Look that sounds great, Mac. And I’d love to just sit around and chat about the case. But, unless you want the full show, you’re gonna have to leave so I can get dressed."
"Well gee, Harm, sorry I intruded. It’s all my fault, even though you were the one that told me to come in, knowing you were only wearing a towel. I should have controlled myself. I’ll just get out of here and go back to work. I didn’t mean to waste your time. I can do it on my own from here on out." She was beyond mad now, and ready to get the hell out of here. She could do this alone. Who the hell needed Harmon Rabb anyway? Turning away, she reached for the door.
"Mac, don’t...look I’m sorry. I didn’t mean..."
"Stuff it, Harm. This is how it plays from here on out." Striding over to stand in front of him, they stood toe to toe, her eyes spitting fire. "From here on out, we are professional. This doesn’t happen again for the remainder of this assignment. You are going to find out who did this to Leslie and me and we will, together, find out who is trying to assassinate Bobbi. Do not touch me, kiss me or talk to me about anything other than business, is that clear?"
"Yes Ma’am," Harm mumbled.
"Good. Now I am going to breakfast then I am heading to work. If you need to talk to me about the case you know where I am." Not looking back, Mac headed out, slamming the door behind her.
Harm stood there, stunned, wondering what the hell had just happened. How did he always seem to totally screw things up where Mac was concerned? "Way to go, Rabb," Harm muttered, picking up his uniform and proceeding to dress.
One step forward, ten steps back.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
MEDICAL QUARTERS
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001 10:25
Harm stood looking at the battered woman in front of him. Leslie Martin was a very pretty young woman, or at least she had been. Again, icy fingers of dread tickled along harms spine. ‘It could have been Mac. It could have been Mac,’ the mantra chanted over and over inside his head. What would he have done if he had lost her? What would he have done if it were her laying here in this bed, broken and battered? But, she had been hurt and he had pushed himself on her, thinking only of himself and his own needs. ‘Dammit! When will I ever learn?’
"Morning, Commander Rabb."
Glancing over his shoulder, Harm acknowledged Doc with a nod. "Morning, Doc."
"It’s a shame, what happened to the Lt. here. No one deserves this."
"No they don’t."
Doc studied the brooding man before him. He looked as bad as Doc knew that he, himself, looked. Had to be woman troubles. ‘Wonder what happened with Mac?’ "So, Commander, have you spoken to Lt. Harmon this morning?"
Quickly looking up at Doc, Harm took a split second to size the other man up. Was he seeing an ally or the enemy? In that moment, Harm knew he was seeing the former. The caring and concern, etched on Doc’s face, said it all. However, there was something else there that Harm couldn’t quite put his finger on. Something resembling...what? Love? Respect? No, even deeper than that. Harm wondered, not for the first time, what Mac’s relationship was, or had been, to this man. They were obviously close and Harm wasn’t sure he liked it. "Yeah, I talked to her this morning."
The melancholy tone of Harm’s voice suggested that the exchange this morning had been anything but pleasant. "How was she?"
Looking everywhere but at Doc, Harm struggled with how to reply. "She’s...she’s fine."
"Just...fine?"
"Yeah, fine."
Instantly upset at Harm’s inappropriate answer, Doc went about setting him straight. "Well, that’s good. I was really worried there for awhile, you know since she was beaten and almost raped. You’d have thought that she would have been a little more affected by it."
Harm turned an icy glare on Doc. "Well, you know, it’s interesting you should bring that up, seeing you were supposed to be..."
"Doc?" Candy’s voice cut in before Harm could finish his statement.
Tersely, Doc answered. "Yes, Candy?"
"I’m heading to get something to eat. Is there anything else you need before I go?"
"No. I don’t need anything else from you." Doc watched as Candy’s face crumbled, Doc’s double meaning not going unnoticed.
"Alright, Doc," Candy softly spoke, retreating as fast as she could, before Doc had a chance to see the tears that threatened to fall.
Harm watched the exchange, glancing back and forth between the two of them. Doc looked as miserable as Harm felt. Watching the emotions play across Doc’s face, Harm knew it could only be one thing; woman troubles. He’d recognize that pained expression anywhere, being all to familiar with it. Why? Because he was walking around with the same expression. "So, Doc, how are things with Candy? She looked a little upset there. You two have a fight or something?"
"That is none of your business, Commander Rabb."
"You’re right. It isn’t any of my business. Just as it’s none of you’re business whether I talk to ‘Lt. Harmon’ or not."
"That’s where you’re wrong. She’s a friend of mine, a very good friend, and I don’t want to see her hurt. If you catch my meaning."
Again, uncomfortable with Doc’s overprotective attitude towards Mac, Harm tried to control his anger before answering. "Yeah, I catch your meaning. But let me say this, I would never intentionally hurt her."
"I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt her, Commander. It’s the ‘unintentional’ that worries me."
Harm stepped dangerously close to Doc. Standing nose to nose, Harm answered through gritted teeth. "Are you implying that I don’t care enough about her not to hurt her?" Knowing his behavior was totally irrational, Harm decided he didn’t care. No one would ever say he didn’t care about Sarah Mackenzie.
"No, I know you care about her. She cares a lot about you too. That’s why I want to know exactly what kind of man you really are. So, I ask again, how was she, really, when you talked to her this morning?"
Harm finally exploded. "That’s just it! She was fine. Ready to take on everything on her own. Semper Fi Marine and all of that crap."
Ah, so that was it. "Didn’t act like she needed you, huh?"
Harm began to pace the small area in front of Leslie’s bed. "Yeah. She came to talk to me about the case but I..." Harm faltered, not knowing how much to reveal to this man he still didn’t totally trust. "I messed things up with her, again. Seems like that’s all I ever do with her. Anyway, after that, she wouldn’t even let me apologize. She just...left."
Catching the note of defeat in Harm’s tone, Doc decided to take pity on him. "Look, Commander, we still have a lot to talk about, and I need some coffee. Why don’t you take a seat in my office, and I’ll be back in a minute with the coffee? You want one?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Any particular way you want it? Or do you just want me to surprise you," Doc asked, hoping a little humor would lighten the mood.
Smiling slightly, Harm gave his answer. "Black will be fine."
Nodding his affirmative, Doc turned to go. "I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable."
"I’ll be here." Lost in his own thoughts, Harm never heard him exit. Guilt ate at him. All Harm could think about was how much he needed to talk to Mac, to make things right, to tell her how sorry he was. But, for right now, it would have to wait. He needed some answers if he was going to help Mac, and Bobbi.
Taking one last look at Leslie Martin, Harm turned and headed into Doc’s small office.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
PUBLIC AFFAIRS OFFICE
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001 10:45
Mac went through the motions, giving the pretense of actually working, on the outside. On the inside, however, she was a mess. ‘Who the hell does he think he is? What was he thinking? That’s just it, he wasn’t. How could he be so calm and cool about standing there, half naked, and then have the nerve to get mad at me when things didn’t go as he planned? What a jerk!’
"Patty?"
‘I mean, of all the pig headed, arrogant, selfish things to do...’
"Hey, Patty."
‘Really, wasn’t it enough that I said that I wanted to take things slow? It wasn’t enough that just last night, I asked him to give me some more time...’
"Patty!"
Startled out of her thoughts, Mac visible started. "What?"
"I’ve been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes. Where were you?"
Looking up at the Lieutenant in front of her, Mac fumbled through an excuse. "Sorry, Kerry. I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all."
Concern immediately filled Kerry’s big, brown eyes. "Patty are you sure you should even be here? After everything that’s happened, maybe you should have taken a couple of days off."
"Thanks, Kerry, but I took yesterday off. I just need to get things back to normal as best I can. That means back to work." Taking a steadying breath, Mac ventured, "Was that all you needed, or was there something else?"
"Oh, shoot!" Picking up the phone and pushing the button, Kerry practically gushed in the phone. "Are you still there, sir? I am so sorry, sir. I was trying to get her attention and then got distracted. Yes, sir. Please hold on one more second."
Pressing the hold button once more, Kerry leaned toward Mac. "Hey, Patty. There’s a Commander Rabb on the line for you. Says he needs to talk to you about the investigation into your assault."
‘Great,’ Mac thought to herself. "Please tell him I’m busy at the moment, and I’ll speak to him as soon as I can."
Soon after relaying the message, Kerry was pressing the hold button again. "He says he really needs to talk to you now, Ma’am."
Reluctantly, Mac picked up the phone, pressing the line button at the same time. "Lt. Harmon."
There was a brief silence on the other end of the line before Harm tentatively responded. "Lt. Harmon I was wondering, if you have some time, if I could go over some things with you. About the case that is."
"Commander Rabb, I am right in the middle of something."
Again there was a brief silence on the other end. "Please, Lt., I really need to speak to you." The pleading in his voice reached through the line and tugged at Mac’s resolve.
Feeling herself softening, Mac found herself agreeing. "Alright, Commander. But I really am busy right now. How about later?"
"How about lunch? You do get one, right?"
"Yes."
"Okay, what time then?"
"I’ll meet you in the mess hall at 12:30."
"I’ll be there, Marine."
Hanging up the phone, without replying, Mac went back to her paper work. "Can’t wait." Mac mumbled under her breath.
"What was that, Patty?"
"Nothing, Kerry. I was just talking to myself, that’s all."
"Oh. So, that was the JAG investigator, huh? He sounds dreamy."
Stunned by the wave of jealousy that washed over her, Mac asked incredulously, "Excuse me?"
"His voice. He has a great voice. And, from what I hear, he’s got the looks to match it."
"What do you mean ‘from what you heard’? Just who did you hear this from?"
"Oh, everyone, Patty. Several of the other girls met him this morning, when he stopped by looking for you. Amanda said he was flat out gorgeous. Have you met him yet?"
"Yes, actually. I met him last night. He stopped by my quarters to see how I was doing."
"Well, so, what did you think?"
"About what," Mac hedged.
"Ahhhh, Patty! About the Commander, of course."
Shrugging her shoulders, feigning indifference, Mac replied. "He was alright, I guess."
"That’s it? Just alright?"
"Yeah. He was nice looking, I guess. That’s if you like that cocky, arrogant, ‘flyboy’ type."
"He’s a pilot?"
"Uh...yeah, he had the gold wings. I’m assuming he was a pilot...I mean I don’t know for sure...I mean..." Mac was rambling, and was at a loss as to what to say, to get out of this current conversation.
Kerry watched, amused, as Patty floundered her way through her excuse. By the flush on her cheeks and her nervous fidgeting, Kerry could tell her fellow officer was not as unaffected as she let on." Patty, it’s okay. I was just asking what you thought of him. Guess he made quite an impression on you. Good thing you don’t go for that type." Kerry quipped, tongue in cheek.
Glaring at the young woman across the desk first, Mac then turned back to her paper work, before answering. "Yeah, it’s a good thing."
With another knowing look at her friend, Kerry also got back to work.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
MEDICAL QUARTERS
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001 10:50
Harm stared at the phone. The line had long since gone dead, but Harm was still reluctant to let go of what had been a small connection between him and Mac. Wrestling with himself, he had debated if he should even bother to call her, since she had made it abundantly clear she didn’t want to talk to him. Actually, she said she didn’t want to talk to him about anything other than the case. So, then, he’d talk about the case. Whatever he had to do to see her, he was more than willing to do.
Stopping by to see her this morning, he’d been disappointed when they had told him she wasn’t there. However, he’d found out a few interesting things about Lt. Martin as well as Mark Gardner, by talking to some of the other women in the office. Seems neither had been too discreet about their relationship, and the rumor was, Gardner was seeing someone else on board, besides Leslie. If there was any truth to the scuttlebutt, they now had motive. It all hedged on what Leslie knew and what, exactly, she had against Gardner. Was it their relationship or was it more serious than that? Maybe she had seen something she wasn’t supposed to see. Depending on how desperate Gardner was to keep her quiet, there just might be enough to at least bring him up on charges.
Of course, it warranted a little more digging, which he planned to do later this afternoon. After lunch. After he talked with Mac.
Sighing, Harm sat back in his chair. Still holding on to the receiver, the buzzing started, reminding him to hang up.
Doc silently watched while Harmon Rabb placed the phone back in it’s cradle, noticing immediately that Harm looked a little bit better than when he had left him.
"Everything okay, Commander?"
Glancing up at Doc, Harm was once again surprised by the conflicting opinions he had about this man. Knowing that Doc cared about her, and that Mac trusted him, should have been enough for Harm to accept him. Still, knowing that there was a past between them, one that Harm knew nothing about, made him uneasy. What if there was more to their relationship than just professional? That was something Harm was not willing to contemplate at the moment. Not when all he could even think about these days was how much he wanted her all to himself, in every way.
Self preservation kicked in and Harm couldn’t help but jab, "I was just about ready to give up on you. Where the hell did you go to get that coffee anyway?"
"I’ve only been gone twenty minutes. Takes ten just to walk down to the mess hall." Handing Harm his cup, Doc continued. "Besides, you’re just trying to change the subject. You look much better than you did this morning. What happened while I was gone?" Doc already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear Harm say it.
"I just made a call, that’s all."
"Really? Anyone I know," Doc questioned, tossing Harm a knowing look.
"Maybe. Now, I guess I should ask how well you know her?"
"Are you asking what I think you’re asking, Commander?"
"You know I am."
"That, Commander, is also none of your business."
"Oh, but I think it is."
The slightly shady look Doc passed him, made Harm even more uncomfortable. "What do you think, Commander?"
"I think I’m ready to change the subject." Not wanting to hear Doc’s answer, Harm switched directions. Looking around nervously, Harm finally asked, "Are we alone? I mean can we really talk about this case?"
Taking note of Harm’s diversionary tactic, Doc decided to let it go for now. Doc let out a deep breath before answering, "Well I used to think so, but after last night, I’m not so sure."
"Why? What happened last night?"
"Doc?" Candy’s soft voice called from the doorway.
"Yes," Doc replied woodenly.
"I just wanted to let you know I’m back."
"Fine," Doc answered, again emotionless.
"Was there anything..?"
Doc cut her off before she could finish her question. "Actually, yes, there is. The Commander and I were just about to leave. Keep an eye on Lt. Martin and page me if there is any change."
"Yes, sir." Quietly, she left the office.
Watching Doc’s eyes follow her, until she was no longer in sight, Harm knew there was more to the story unfolding before him. The pain on Doc’s face said what a thousand words could never say. This man was in love, and it wasn’t with Mac. But something had happened, something that was tearing him apart.
"Hey, Doc? You ready to go have that talk?"
Drawn out of his revere, Doc replied, "Uh, sure." But Harm knew it was the last thing Doc really wanted to do.
"So what happened last night," Harm finally asked when they had reached the fan tail. The day was dark, the clouds were starting to roll in. Harm couldn’t help but shudder, remembering another time in a storm tossed sea.
"I had a lapse in judgment."
"A lapse?" Harm asked, trying to keep his attention focused on Doc, and not the choppy waters below.
"Yeah. I, uh, I slept with Candy," Doc answered, his voice bleak.
Still somewhat confused, Harm couldn’t help but comment, "Alright. So where did the lapse come in?"
"First off, I’m on an assignment. I never should have...been intimate with her. But even that...even that I could have dealt with."
"What is it, Doc?" Harm was really worried now.
It took a moment to find his voice before he answered. "I caught her going through my desk."
"In the office?"
"No, in my quarters. She knows about the investigation. She knows who Mac really is." Doc looked away, unable to meet Harm’s stare.
"What?" Harm couldn’t keep the incredulity out of his voice. "You mean you left that information out where she, or anyone else for that matter, could find it? What the hell were you thinking?"
"That’s just it. They weren’t out. They were locked in the desk. She must have picked the lock."
Putting a little distance between them, Harm tried to get a grip on his emotions. Doc was just as upset about this as he was, and raking him over the coals wasn’t going to accomplish anything. The damage was already done.
Leaning over the railing, Harm did his best to put himself in Doc’s shoes. "So what’s the story on Candy?"
"I really don’t know much about her. She came to the Nimitz right after I did. I look back now, and everything just seems too convenient, but at the time I didn’t think anything about it." Pausing a moment to collect his thoughts, Doc finally started the rest of his story. "She was so beautiful and kind and...I don’t know...loyal. Or so it seemed. Every time I needed her, she was there. We started talking, nothing too personal. I didn’t want to get involved with her. My line of work plays hell on relationships. Anyway, I tried to keep my distance from her, but she wouldn’t let me. She just kept chipping away at my resolve, until finally, I realized I didn’t want to fight it anymore. Of course, now I realize why she was so persistent." Doc tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice but failed.
Harm couldn’t help noticing the similarities between Doc and Candy, and Mac and himself. Which prompted his next question. "Why did you trust her in the first place?"
With a shrug of his shoulders, Doc looked out across the vast ocean, as if it held all the answers in it’s bottomless depths. "I really don’t know. There was...there was just something about her, you know? I can’t explain it, I just knew. I knew I could trust her." Finally looking at Harm he asked, "You ever felt like that?"
Remembering another time, a Rose Garden and a beautiful Marine Major, Harm ruefully nodded his head. "Yes. A long time ago. I’ve only felt like that once, and she changed my whole life."
"Mac?"
Again, Harm nodded. "Yeah. I’ll never forget the first time I saw her..," he trailed off, lost in thought.
"She told me about it, said you looked like you had seen a ghost."
"I thought I was, seeing a ghost. Then she spoke and shook my hand, and in that moment, I knew my life would never be the same. It wasn’t Diane, although for a while it was tough to see her and not remember. But, Mac was Mac. You could never mistake her for anyone else. She was so...amazing. She still is."
"You love her, don’t you?"
"Of course I love her. She’s my partner and best friend. I’d do anything for her."
A gentle smile played about Doc’s lips. Quietly, Doc replied. "I know you love and care about her. What I’m asking is, are you ‘in’ love with her? There’s a difference you know?"
The reverence in Doc’s voice made Harm gulp audibly. He didn’t know if he was ready to say it, to say the words, especially to this man. "Why do you care so much about her, Doc? I really need to know."
Looking away, then down at his hands, Doc chose his words carefully. "There are several reasons, but the main reason is she risked her life to save mine. You don’t see that a lot in this business. You know the risks, you know what you’re getting into when you sign up. The operation turned sour. My ass was in a sling and I was expendable. She had every reason to just turn around and leave me there, but she didn’t. I know it sounds pretty cliche’, but it’s something I’ll never forget. You were right, she is an amazing woman."
"You love her, too. Don’t you?"
"Yes, Commander, I do." Pausing for only a moment, Doc then continued, "But, I’m not in love with her. In answer to your earlier question: no. There has never been anything like that between me and Mac. A deep friendship, but nothing else."
A weight suddenly lifted off of Harm. Smiling sheepishly at Doc, Harm launched into an apology. "I’m afraid I owe you an apology, Doc. I really didn’t give you a fair shot when we first met."
"When we first met, huh? You haven’t exactly been the best company today either, Commander. Wanna tell me about it?"
"Not much to tell. And, please, call me Harm."
"Alright, Harm. But, you’re full of shit, you know? When you walked in my infirmary this morning you looked like your world was ending. What really happened with Mac?"
Letting out a breath, Harm tried to figure out where to start. "I don’t know how much you know about our relationship. We have never seemed to end up on the same page where our, for lack of a better word, love lives are concerned."
Doc stood silent, pondering how much he should let on that he knew. "Well, Mac has told a little bit about the last five years."
Harm could tell Doc knew more than he was letting on, but decided to let it slide. "Up until a couple of months ago, Mac had always been the one to try and push our relationship. She’d ask and I would back away. Too much risk, always too much at stake. Well, after my crash, I finally decided to stop fighting it. I had been hell bent to get back to her wedding. I’d made a promise, but deep down I knew that wasn’t the only reason. I like to think I would have stopped her, that I would have stood up and shouted for her not to marry him. Knowing myself, however, I know that would have never happened. I would have stood there and watched her walk away with...him." Even now it was still hard to get Brumby’s name past his lips.
"Laying in the hospital, I kept thinking that if I would have done this or that differently, I would have made it back and everything in my life would be completely different now. Mac would be married to someone else and I would still be in a miserable relationship with someone I didn’t love."
Harm sighed before continuing, "And then I think, hell, if only I would have just told her to wait for me in Australia. If I would have told her how I really felt about her, would have just said the words, we would have never been in such a mess in the first place. But, even then I’m still fooling myself, because looking back over the past five years, I have had chance after chance to get things right with her, and I’ve blown every damn one of them.
"Then, by some miracle, after my crash we had this talk. She agreed to give us a try, as long as we worked on our friendship first. Which, for the last four months, is what I’ve been trying to do. I had gotten another chance. I’ve done everything I can think of to make things up to her, and still keep things on a friendship level. Things were going great, until she got this assignment."
"What happened when she broke the news," Doc asked tentatively.
"I really didn’t know what to think. She had already agreed to go, and I really didn’t have any say in the matter. I didn’t like it, and she knew it, but I respected her decision. I knew Mac was capable of handling an undercover assignment, I just didn’t like the thought of her being alone on one."
"Well, as for being alone, Mac had requested that I be assigned with her. Of course, a whole lot of good it did. I still wasn’t able to keep her from being hurt. I’m sorry for that, Harm. I knew better than to let it go, but Mac...well, she’s knows how to get her way. All she did was bat those big brown eyes at me and I found myself agreeing to everything she said."
"I know you were trying to do everything you could to back Mac up. And, even though I held it against you at first, I understand now. Besides, I know exactly how hard it can be to resist Mac."
"Ah, the voice of experience. Well, if it’s any consolation, Mac has always been like that. She’s damn hard to say no to. I remember when her and Abby were together on an assignment, you might as well have just resigned yourself to the fact that they were going to get anything they wanted."
"Who’s Abby?"
"Abby? She was Mac’s room mate and partner for a long time. Before...wait. She hasn’t told you about any of this, has she?"
"No. I didn’t know anything about her working for the CIA until yesterday. Webb let it slip."
"Wow. Then maybe this is a conversation you should be having with her."
"I plan on it. That is, as soon as I can get her to talk to me again."
Making a low whistle, Doc couldn’t help but note, "Must have been pretty bad this morning."
"It was. One minute we’re kissing, the next she’s pissed off and slamming the door behind her."
Trying to hide his smile, Doc asked, "Kissing, huh? What happened, directly after the kissing?"
Fidgeting Harm replied, "I asked her why she had dropped by."
"Sounds pretty civil so far. What happened next?"
"Well, she started talking about the case and what she thought I should do next. I mean she was so...calm...and here I am, not five feet away from her, totally aroused, and she’s acting like nothing happened."
‘Sure sounds like more than kissing going on,’ Doc thought, but keeping it to himself. "Ahh, I see. So, then you got mad and..."
"And said something I shouldn’t have. I tried to tell her I was sorry, but she basically told me to shove it. She also told me not to touch her, or talk to her, unless it was about the assignment." Harm ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "So, I plan on trying to talk to her again at lunch. Maybe she’ll at least let me apologize."
"Harm, let me give you a friendly piece of advice. She’s been through a hell of a lot the last couple of days. Cut her some slack. She is probably no where near ready for intimacy yet. I know you want to talk to her, but maybe you should give her some time to cool off. She’s a stubborn gal, and if she’s made up her mind that you’re in the dog house, you might be there even longer if you try to talk her out of it." Doc waved his hand, effectively cutting off Harm’s protest. "I know what you’re gonna say, Harm, but trust me on this. You really don’t want to further piss of that Marine, do you?"
"No. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. It’s just that for the last two months, all I could do was wish that she was with me. Hell, that’s all I’ve wanted for the last five years. But now that I’m here, with her, all I can think about is being there, right next to her. I want to protect her and hold her and...and..."
"You’ve never felt like this before, have you?"
Looking away, Harm shook his head. "Never. I didn’t know it was possible to feel like this about another person. To know that if they were gone, truly gone, you wouldn’t want to go on without them. She’s my whole world, Doc."
"Then why haven’t you told her, Harm?"
"I...I can’t. Not yet."
"Harm, our lives are precious things. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. From what Mac has told me, and from what you’ve said here today, you are both making this more complicated than it has to be. Look, go to her, talk to her, but give her space if she needs it. She’s on an assignment, she’s been personally attacked, and then she has her overprotective partner hovering over her. Maybe it’s just all too much. I’m not telling you not to care, but just give her some room. Now really isn’t the time, or place, to be working on your personal relationship. You both have jobs to do. Wait until you get home to go about sweeping her off her feet."
Doc couldn’t help but laugh at the shocked expression on Harmon Rabb’s face. "Don’t look so shocked, Harm. You are completely transparent, which is something you’re going to have to work on if we’re all going to pull this off."
"I know. I’m trying, I just can’t seem to help it where Mac is concerned. After I saw the report and the photos," Harm couldn’t suppress a shudder, "I’ve never been so afraid, or more angry, in my entire life. I want to nail this guy, Doc."
"Me too, Harm. And we will. So, where do you want start?"
"Let’s start with Gardner. All roads are pointing toward him. What, exactly, is the prognosis on Lt. Martin?"
"She won’t regain consciousness, as far as I can tell. There was severe trauma to the head. Broken ribs and arm. This woman was not meant to live, Harm. Whoever did this to her was ruthless. Have you scene the crime scene photos?"
Doc waited until Harm nodded his ascent before continuing. "There was so much blood everywhere. The room was covered. It’s amazing she lived at all. She must be one hell of a fighter."
"Sounds like someone else I know. Tell me about Mac’s assault, Doc."
"Well, he got her in the women’s showers. She had just got done working out and had stepped into the shower when he grabbed her from behind."
A light bulb suddenly switched on."Wait a minute, Doc. Didn’t Mac say she bit him?"
"Yeah, I think she did. Why?"
"Well if Mac bit him, then maybe we can at least start eliminating people. If there’s no marks, then..."
"Then we know that it couldn’t be Mac’s attacker. Alright, Harm, how do we go about figuring out who’s a suspect and who’s not?"
"Well the first person I know I want to talk to is Mark Gardner."
"Yeah, and then we need to get a list of the officers and enlisted bunking around the gym and Mac’s quarters."
"I also want to talk to the Lt. that found Mac. I want to know exactly what she saw, maybe she can give us some kind of description of the bastard."
"Hopefully, but if I remember correctly, the Lt. said he was wearing a mask."
"Still, maybe she can give us some generals. Height, weight, build, that kind of thing. Worth a shot, anyway." Checking his watch, Harm straightened and backed away from the railing. "Well, Doc, I need to get going."
"Time to meet your Marine, huh?"
"Yep, and I don’t want to be late. Doc, what are you going to do about Candy?"
Shrugging, Doc gave the only answer he could. "Don’t know. Haven’t really figured that one out yet."
"Maybe we should all get together later and figure out what we should do about everything and how to proceed. By then I should have some more information."
"Sounds good, Commander."
Nodding in acknowledgment, Harm turned to go. He was stopped by the sound of Doc’s voice.
"Good Luck, Harm. And remember what I said."
"Thanks, and I will." With that Harm walked away.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
MESS HALL
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001 12:26
Mac entered the mess hall, expecting to at least get her food, and be half way finished with it, before Harm ever showed up. He was always late. Why should today be any exception?
"Excuse me, Ma’am. Glad you could make it, Lt. Harmon."
Mac stood staring down at Harm, the shock evident on her face. "Um, hello, Commander. I wasn’t expecting to see you here so soon."
Standing up from the table, Harm held out his hand to shake hers. Mac hesitated, not knowing for sure if she was ready for any kind of physical contact with Harmon Rabb. She was still seething over the fiasco in his stateroom this morning, and had every intention of NOT letting him off of the hook, but all of that flew out the window when she had seen him sitting there waiting for her.
Realizing she looked ridiculous ignoring his outstretched hand, she took it into hers. Neither could deny the electricity that jolted both of them, even from the slight contact of their hands meeting. His eyes met hers, pleading for her forgiveness, and Mac found herself granting his wish. No words were spoken, but none needed to be. For both had heard and understood the other.
Finally, Harm found enough words to utter, "I was wondering, Lt., if maybe you’d like to grab something and then we could take a walk. That is, if that’s acceptable with you. Is it? Please?"
Noting that Harm still held her hand in his, she felt herself start to grin. She couldn’t help it, she just couldn’t stay mad at him. "That would be fine, Commander. That is, if you wouldn’t mind giving me my hand back."
Looking down at their still connected hands, Harm blushed slightly before glancing back up at Mac. Smiling his best, killer ‘flyboy’ smile, Harm whispered low enough for only Mac to hear. "What if I don’t want to give it back? What if I like it right where it is?"
Mac was trying to remain calm, but just the sound of his silky voice was enough to send shivers down her spine and made her knees threaten to buckle. ‘Damn the girls in the office were right, he does have a great voice.’
Whispering just as softly, Mac practically purred. "That is definitely something we’ll have to discuss later, Commander."
Heat infused his body at the sound of her sultry voice. They needed to get out of here, and quick. Gently dropping her hand, Harm managed to croak, "Well then, Lt. Harmon. I’m ready whenever you are. Lead the way and I’ll follow."
With a quirk of her eyebrows, Mac headed over to the chow line, Harm in tow.
He had watched the exchange from the shadows, lurking as he always seemed to. Who the hell do they think they’re fooling anyway? Anyone with eyes could see it. The chemistry, the sexual tension. You’d have to be completely blind not to see the obvious caring between the two. Rage coursed through his whole being. She was his, and the ‘hot shot’ JAG lawyer shows up and has the nerve to even touch her, to touch what was his. He’s see them both dead before he’d ever let Harmon Rabb have her. There was no way in hell. ‘Good Luck, Harmon Rabb. YOU’RE going to need it.’ With one last look, he turned and stalked away.
U.S.S. NIMITZ
INDIAN OCEAN
SEPTEMBER 22, 2001 12:45
After making their way through the line, both grabbing a sandwich, Mac led Harm up and out to the fain tail. Harm let out a small chuckle, causing Mac to look up at him curiously.
"What, exactly, is so funny, Commander?"
"Nothing really. I was just standing in this very spot not thirty minutes ago."
"Oh, really? Take all the girls up here, do ya?"
"First off, Marine, YOU brought ME here. Maybe I should be asking how many men you’ve been up here with."
"Well, let’s see...including you?"
"Yeah," Harm answered, even though now he was starting to get nervous from her lack of immediate response.
"Okay, including you, two."
Harm’s mind reeled. ‘Two? Who else would she be up here with? She wouldn’t have...’
"Oh, no wait a minute. That was another fan tail, in the Bermuda Triangle, but with the same sailor. So, I guess that would only be one." Watching Harm visibly relax, Mac couldn’t help but giggle. "What’s the matter, Harm? Worried?"
"No, I wasn’t worried. I just..." At her knowing look, Harm relented. "Alright, maybe I was a tad bit worried."
"And jealous."
"Yes, and jealous." Casting a sideways glance at Mac, he couldn’t help but ask, "So, are we ok, Mac?"
Choosing her words carefully, Mac answered. "I guess so."
"I really am sorry, about everything that happened this morning."
"Everything?" While a part of her knew she should just leave it alone, the other part of her was desperate to know that it had meant something to him.
"Well, not everything. I’m not sorry about kissing you or you touching me. But I am sorry for hurting you, and for pressuring you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. I...just wanted to be close to you, to touch you. I just want to hold you, Mac. I want to take care of you. I just let things get out of hand this morning. I’m so sorry." Cupping her cheek in the palm of his hand, his thumb brushed across her still, semi-swollen lips. "I care about you, Mac, so much it hurts."
"I know, Harm. It just hurt, this morning, when you turned around and acted like nothing happened. How can you just turn it on and off like that?" The statement came out a little more sharply than she had intended, and Harm immediately went on the defensive.
"Me? What about you? There you stood, all ‘calm and in control Marine’, and I...well...well why the hell do you think I turned my back to you?"
Standing there, staring, Mac was doing her best to figure out exactly what Harm was trying to say. Realization dawned suddenly, causing Mac to blush prettily. The blush was replaced, and a sultry smile played about her lips. Her embarrassment turned into boldness. "So, does that mean that this sailor was ‘up’ to the task this morning?"
The note of false innocence in Mac’s voice invoked Harm’s own bold response. Leaning in closer to her, Harm spoke in a throaty whisper. "Oh, this sailor was definitely ‘up’ for it this morning."
"Yellow light, Commander."
Harm’s eyebrow shot up. "Back to traffic signals are we?"
Nodding her head, Mac again feigned innocence. "Yes, sir. Besides, what are you complaining about? It was a yellow light, not red."
"I’d much rather see green. Marine green would be even better."
Gripping the railing for support, Mac tried to keep her knees from buckling just from the sound of his voice. Trying to regain her equilibrium, Mac knew she had to take control of this situation, or they would both end up in the brig for conduct unbecoming. "Well, Commander, what exactly did you wish to speak to me about?"
Harm knew what she was doing, but decided it was probably for the best to change the subject. He really needed to get his mind off of...um, other things right now. Like what it would be like to grab her, right here and now, and kiss her breathless. To tease and torment her until she changed her mind about that yellow light. To drag her downstairs to his stateroom and finish what they had started this morning. ‘Get it under control, Rabb. Time, remember? She needs time.’ "I really did want to talk to you about the case. I talked to Doc this morning when I stopped by to see Leslie."
"Really? How did that go?"
Catching the worried tone in her voice, Harm reassured her, "Everything is fine. Doc came out unscathed."
"Well, that’s a relief. What did you talk about?"
"We got several things settled. We discussed the case and I told him we would all meet later to figure out how, exactly, to proceed with everything. I’m hoping to get some of the preliminaries of the investigation out of the way this afternoon. I have a few people that I want to question."
"Like who," Mac asked, knowing exactly who he wanted to question.
"I want to talk to Lt. Gibbs, the young woman that interrupted your assault. Then, after that, I’m going to go have a talk with Gardner. Seems you were right about him and Leslie not keeping their relationship much of a secret. I also found out something else on my visit to your office today."
"Really? What was that? That those gold wings, and that ‘flyboy’ smile, will get you almost anything you want?"
"Now who’s jealous, Marine?"
"So what if I am?"
"They haven’t gotten me what I want most," Harm countered seductively.
"And what is that, Harm?"
"You."
Mac was sure her heart skipped a beat. Letting out the breath she had been holding, Mac managed a reply, while tracing a finger over the gold wings on his chest. "Don’t underestimate their power just yet. They might get you exactly what you want most, Harm."
Catching her wrist, he gently held it for a moment, before bringing it up to his lips. Harm lightly kissed her palm, before placing her hand over his heart. "I’ll be waiting, Marine."
They stood there gazing at each other, neither wanting to be the one to break the spell that was weaving around them. However, Mac was the first to speak. Clearing her throat, she reluctantly pulled her hand away from it’s resting place, immediately missing the contact. "So, what other interesting things did you learn on your visit to the office this morning?"
"It seems that Leslie wasn’t the only one Gardner was messing around with. From what Major Williams says, Leslie had been really upset about it. She said Lt. Martin had come in crying, and when Williams asked what was wrong, all Leslie kept saying was ‘he’s seeing someone else’. After she had calmed down, Williams said Leslie wouldn’t talk about it anymore."
"Wow. I had no idea, although it doesn’t really surprise me. It actually explains a few things. Looking back, Les was nervous about something the day before she was beaten."
"Williams also said that she took a call from Gardner, wanting to talk to Lt. Martin, and Leslie blew him off. The Major just thought they were having a lovers spat, and didn’t think it was anything important, so she didn’t report it even after they found Leslie beaten." Shaking his head in disbelief, Harm continued. "She said it wasn’t any of her business, can you believe that?"
"Sounds like Amanda. She doesn’t get too involved with anyone. I’ve tried every way I can think of to get her to open up to me, but she just won’t."
"Well, she was very cooperative for me."
"Sure she was. You’re the ‘dreamy, drop dead gorgeous’ JAG investigator. I’m sure they were all lining up to talk to you this morning."
"All of them but the one I really wanted to talk to. "
Unable to meet his gaze, she stared at his chest while answering. "I’m not sure I could have talked to you. I was still madder than hell."
"I know, but I couldn’t just leave things the way they were. I had to at least try to get you to let me apologize. So...am I forgiven, Marine?"
Pausing as if to consider her reply, Mac simply shrugged her shoulders and stated, "I’m still thinking about it."
Harm tried to hide a smile and play serious. "So, exactly what would it take to persuade you?"
"I don’t know. Let’s see...what do you have that I would want, Commander?"
"I’m positive I could come up with something, Marine."
"I’ll just bet you could, Rabb. What ever it is, it better be pretty damn good."
"Count on it," was Harm’s husky reply.
After sharing another smile, Mac mentally took note of the time. "I need to get back."
"Is it that time already," Harm asked, his disappointment evident.
"Afraid so."
Not totally ready to let go, Harm rushed into the only thing he could think of. "Hey maybe we could meet for dinner, together..."
"Harm, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I’m still undercover and you’re on an investigation. It might raise suspicions to be seen together."
"You’re right. I just...well I can’t help it. I want to spend time with you. It’s driving me crazy to pretend that I don’t know you." Harm was trying to keep the frustration out of his voice but was failing, miserably.
"I know, Harm, me too. And believe me, I fully intend on getting a rain check on that dinner. You owe me, a fancy dinner at Le Toure’s, remember?"
"How could I forget? It’s out first date and I can’t wait to see you in civies."
"What? You don’t like battle fatigues?"
"I like you in just about anything, Marine. Doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re stunning."
The sincerity in his last statement left her speechless. She had been on the receiving end of his compliments many times in the past several months, but it still shocked her every time he did it. Sometimes he could be so amazing. And then other times he was equally just as frustrating and stubborn and conceited and...
"Hey, you still with me, Marine?"
"Oh, sorry. Got lost in thought there for a minute," Mac countered.
"Hope they were pleasant thoughts."
"For the most part," Mac returned coyly. "Look, Harm, I really need to get going. I’ll talk to you, more, later tonight."
She had almost made it past him when, when he reached out and stopped her. "Wait, I...alright I’ll talk to you later. Maybe I could stop by the office and..."
"Harm, I thought we had just talked about this. You can’t keep showing up everywhere I am. It’s going to totally blow my cover."
"I know we just talked about it. Geez, you didn’t even let me finish what I was going to say."
"Sorry, Harm. What were you about to say?"
"I was just going to suggest stopping by your office to give the semblance of making it look like I’m investigating. Asking questions, talking to your co-workers. There were only two people in there this morning. I’m sure there are others that knew something about what was going on. I’m not totally unprofessional, you know? I still plan on finding out who did this to you and Lt. Martin," Harm finished defensively.
"I know, Harm, and I’m sorry. I guess I’m not very good at separating my personal issues from work either. Maybe it was a bad idea for you to come out here. Maybe...maybe we should reconsider...taking our relationship..."
"Don’t even say it, Sarah." The vehemence in which he spoke shook Mac to her core. "There’s no way I’m giving up on us. Nothing is more important to me than you. Nothing. I love my job, I love the Navy, I love being a pilot and a lawyer. But out all of those things, nothing compares to how I feel about you. Mac, I...I...lo..."
"Excuse me, Commander Rabb, Lt. Harmon?"
Turning around, Harm saw Candy standing there. Distrust immediately settled in, and Harm tried to subtly let go of Mac without Candy noticing. Not wanting to give too much away to Candy, Harm did his best to sound collected. "Yes, what can we do for you?"
Candy mentally filed away everything she had seen between the two officers in front of her. Very interesting to say the least. She had interrupted a huge moment, but it was necessary. She had a job to do. "I’m sorry if I interrupted anything. Doc wants to see you, sir, when ever you have moment. Said, that if you could join them, Ma’am, you were needed as well."
Harm glanced at Mac nervously. Something was up, but neither gave anything away. Looking back at Candy, Harm replied briskly, "Thank you. We’ll be right there."
Nodding in understanding, Candy backed away and headed back down to the medical quarters.
Harm turned to face Mac, who seemed to be lost in thought again. Emotions played across her beautiful face, and Harm watched as Mac struggled to get her feelings under control. Finally he broke in. "Marine? Are you okay?"
Okay? Would she ever be okay? He had come so close, so close to saying the words she wanted to here so desperately. Yet was she ready to hear them? As exhilarating as it had been to be in that moment with him, she was just as frightened. "I’m fine, Harm. I just, well, I was just thinking again. Sorry. We had better get going. I need to stop by the office and tell them I need to go with you."
Knowing her as well as he did, he knew she was struggling for control. She needed normal, and Harm was determined to give it to her. "Well, then, Marine. Let’ get going."
Mac turned and walked in front of him.
Following closely behind her, Harm let out the breath he had been holding. He had known exactly what she had been thinking. So close. Harm was just as scared as she had been, shocked actually. He had almost said it, he had almost told her how he felt, and once he did nothing would ever be the same. He wasn’t ready to change it all. Would it destroy everything they had? Would he screw this up just like every other relationship he had ever been in? Would he end up losing her forever? That’s why he had told Doc earlier that he wasn’t ready. Harmon Rabb was flat out, scared to death of a woman. But not just any woman. The most amazing woman he had ever known. He was afraid that he would lose it all, and he didn’t want that. He wanted her with him, forever.
Sighing, Harm reached for his temples. All of it was giving him a headache. There was too much to deal with. How in the hell was he supposed to remain impassive during this investigation? Someone was stalking Mac, his Marine, and God dammit he wanted to kill the bastard. Then there was the threat to Bobbi. Now something was going on with Doc. How could he even think about dumping his feelings onto Mac at a time like this? He had to pull himself together. He had to be strong, for Mac and for himself. Too many people were counting on him, and by God, he was going to come through for everyone.
Steeling his resolve, Harmon Rabb was ready to finish this. Then he could figure out how to tell Mac exactly how he felt, he’d have plenty of time when this was all over.
After a brief stop at the office, Harm and Mac headed down to sick bay. The trip was made in silence, both were back into their roles, both relieved that neither had to discuss what had ‘almost’ been said. They were now Cmdr. Rabb and Lt. Harmon.